FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Length of time to meet

Length of time to meet

By *hyme2020 OP Woman over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland

Just curious on different opinions and experiences please. I don’t ever meet randomly, and far prefer to get to know someone by messaging here and elsewhere first before deciding if I want to meet. I would say out of my fab meets, the most successful ones I have had as in fwb type situation arises or we meet multiple times at least, has come from guys who I have been able to meet fairly quickly into us chatting as in not pen pals for ages. I have had others who I have chatted to for a long time but due to various reasons haven’t met.

My question is, do you think there becomes a point when it’s just too long?. Too long chatting and not meeting that it will just never work. Like maybe too many expectations and then it just doesn’t go there and it feels awkward because you have spoken for a long time and just don’t want to admit to them that you’re just not into them that way anymore. Friend zoned so to speak lol. Can I have thoughts please?

Thanks

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

One of my best ever meets, we were talking for over two years before we actually met.

It can be a problem but it isn't a universal rule

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can't comment as no one has offered to meet me

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No golden rules but generally the longer you chat, the less likely you are to meet, or there is a reason they can't meet.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eliWoman over a year ago

Possibly. Personally speaking, I tend to talk at least a few months (albeit intermittently) before meeting someone. Longest has been three years (extenuating circumstances). I quite like that build up, the anticipation and the chance to get to know someone in a relaxed, unhurried fashion.

I think you might end up friendzoning someone, equally, it might intensify things. It's about how you both approach things - how things develop between you. Sometimes things fizzle, sometimes they don't. I guess meeting quite quickly is a way of ascertaining where you're both at in terms of chemistry etc. Works well for some people.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ellinever70Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

If it was someone who lived fairly close by and we'd indicated we'd like to meet, then I'd probably want to do that fairly quickly

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ellhungvweMan over a year ago

Cheltenham

[Removed by poster at 15/01/23 13:52:36]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ellhungvweMan over a year ago

Cheltenham

Usually my meets tend to happen quite quickly. My experience is that people who want to spend a lot of time chatting are much less likely to meet.

You can tell pretty quickly if people are meeters or just want to get some kind of thrill from a long chat. I tend to cut chatters off now - life is too short.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *xydadbodMan over a year ago

Milton keynes

Thats a tricky one to answer.. but a lot of factors do come into play really.. one thing I find the most important is compatibility.. do you share common interest, are you both attracted to one another and so one. Another is distance.. these two factors can play a huge difference really. Obviously even with someone you get along with very well, if they live far away, some planning is required and to take into account that sometimes, thing can go well or unexpected barriers come into play like work, childcare etc etc. If you both live nearby, I suppose there are no reason to not meet up for a quick coffee to see if that attraction is still there in person but the further the distance, thats not always plausible. So I suppose it depends really if you think tat person is worth the wait or the travel really

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ose-tinted GlassesMan over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"If it was someone who lived fairly close by and we'd indicated we'd like to meet, then I'd probably want to do that fairly quickly "

Yeah, me too. But for people living further away, I feel differently. That can take as long as it takes.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

It really depends on all parties involved.

I've only ever met quickly once and that was the day after first chatting. I've no regrets over it but it wasn't anywhere near as good as those meets where I've taken the time to get to know people.

In 6 years across 4 different profiles I've had 60+ veries but only 7 of those have resulted in actual play.

That doesn't suit everyone but it works for me.

As far as a specific ti_eline goes I would say I tend to meet socially after a few weeks. Anything longer than that would probably fizzle out.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ing_of_the_swingers400Man over a year ago

edinbugh

I’d say a few weeks but there isn’t many that can keep the conversation going that long, which makes meeting difficult unfortunately

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Personally I think anyone rushing to meet sparks feelings of desperation and so I would be wary. It doesn’t have to be months between initial talking and meeting, but having a single social lasting an hour and then looking to fuck within a week, not for me!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I've met someone on a whim within 2 hours of first contact on here. I've also met someone after talking on and off here for years. Both were just when things worked out and it felt like the right time to do it, and both were successful.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *sBlueWoman over a year ago

Up North

"No golden rules but generally the longer you chat, the less likely you are to meet, or there is a reason they can't meet."

No that’s rubbish

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No golden rules but generally the longer you chat, the less likely you are to meet, or there is a reason they can't meet.

No that’s rubbish"

Not in my experience, or those of others I know.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For me I tend to only want to meet locally within say 45mins from my home. I think that is reasonable for a social within a month of initial message.

Anything further then it'll depend on the person involved, I'd have to be 90% sure that they would turn up. I've been ghosted to much but that's another story

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

I’ve had many different experiences so I don’t have any rules about length of time for messaging. You have to judge for yourself. Some things are worth waiting for.

What I have come to appreciate is that some guys are shy, lack confidence, low self esteem, etc. sometimes the first meet isn’t always the best but if there’s a connection then subsequent meets can be amazing.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *AYENCouple over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Asap for us, we find it so much easier to get to know someone face to face than by messaging for an extended time. Also English isn't Niki's first language, although she speaks English fluently she doesn't enjoy reading or writing in it, so leaves all that to me. K

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hyme2020 OP Woman over a year ago

Glasgow Scotland

Thanks for all the messages. I suppose it will all just depend on the person then and what you are hoping from it. I just get nervous that you maybe aren’t so sure about meeting anymore if you have been chatting for a long time and then you do meet and it doesn’t work out the way you hoped or wanted. Just makes it harder to cut loose so to speak if that’s what you want

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I always now chat for quite a while before I meet anyone when I am doing new meets.It gives me a chance to get to know someone and spot anything that I would consider a red flag. The one and only time I met someone within a couple of days of chatting was the worst and scary meet I've ever had on here and I won't do it again.And anyone who pushes me to meet them quickly I will just stop interacting with.

It works for me and those I have met off here and I will continue to do it this way if it doesn't suit someone I chat to that's fine they can move on to someone else. But I've never had a no show or another bad experience since I decided to do this.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I've taken time to speak to most of my past meets for a good while & then a social and they've been good.

Sometimes it will take a while to meet due to work (I did nights for nearly 2 years) or one of you may be busy with things you've already planned etc.

I can usually tell if a meet is gonna happen ,I avoid those who go quiet regularly,but then try and pick up when they want a meet ,but don't have any planned.

Do whatever feels best for you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rontier PsychiatristMan over a year ago

Coventry

When I started here being a single dad with a busy work/family life and often talking to other single mum's with busy life's (as is often the case with single women in my age group) first meets could often be many weeks in the making.

But occasionally the exact opposite as our windows of opportunity have aligned that very day and other opportunities would be very long a way.

So often weeks but occasionally within a few hours. But rarely normal length of time between now or months down the line.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *unner6969Man over a year ago

Bucks/London/Oxford

I dislike exchanging monologues, so hopefully, move to chat (on Kik or Telegram) and then swiftly on to meeting, with any luck.

I like to meet socially, in public, first but if the electricity is right that can swiftly move to a more intimate location.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uriousscouserWoman over a year ago

Wirral

I've had fantastic meets that have happened at very short notice and others that have taken a year or two messaging for everything to align where we both have the same weekend free in the same country.

It's more about the connection than the length of time messaging for me.

I do prefer to chat for a while, mainly because the people just looking for wank chat soon get bored and I find it helps me avoid being stood up for a social, but everyone's experiences vary.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lephantisMan over a year ago

Oxford

I had one meeting that was relatively quick - my first on here - but that was social only. I much prefer taking my time and really getting to know someone first.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Clearly as a man, my approach and experience would be very different to others here/

I prefer to meet as early as possible if the messaging and phone chats are vibing.

Meeting in person saves a lot of time if there isn’t a mutual attraction, at least we can both move on.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find it varies hugely. Both my previous fwb (non-fab), we chatted for quite some time, like 6 months or more before contemplating meeting. When we did it was like meeting someone I already knew and we hit it off each time, and remained fwb for the better part of a year.

I can't get my head around fab. I chat to a few lovely women who I will never meet, which is fine, but not why I joined.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple over a year ago

Leeds

I like to get to know people before meeting, but I do find never ending chats a little monotonous and it tends to take the excitement away and generally end up in not meeting, I guess it's a fine line for me, but there's only so many how's your day been messages I can reply to before boredom strikes.

Mrs

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS over a year ago

chichester

I tend to find if you dont meet within 2 weeks of talking , unless going to clubs , its kinda most likely you never meet up .. in my experience anyway

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eah BabyCouple over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

Kind of mixed for us, a couple of guys we have met we have been over two years in chatting and both meets we’re fantastic, others we have met in a few months of chatting and also fantastic, never a meet now scenario, we generally meet couples quicker, which I guess is down to myself as I like to make sure the guys not a dick so to speak before meeting

but the last couple of years we haven’t met much at all sexually as had lots going on, so will see how this year plays out

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *enrietteandSamCouple over a year ago

Staffordshire

We’ve had some meets within a week or two of first chatting and we’ve had some that haven’t materialised for months, even a year or so actually.

I think as long as the interest and the conversation works then time isn’t really a concern.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *urora1912Woman over a year ago

Norfolk East anglia

One of the best guys I have ever met from fab, we were messaging almost every day whilst he was away for 8months on ship

When he got back and we finally met it was like we had know each other forever

Was fwb for around 9 months after that

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One of the best guys I have ever met from fab, we were messaging almost every day whilst he was away for 8months on ship

When he got back and we finally met it was like we had know each other forever

Was fwb for around 9 months after that "

Good things cum to those who wait?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just curious on different opinions and experiences please. I don’t ever meet randomly, and far prefer to get to know someone by messaging here and elsewhere first before deciding if I want to meet. I would say out of my fab meets, the most successful ones I have had as in fwb type situation arises or we meet multiple times at least, has come from guys who I have been able to meet fairly quickly into us chatting as in not pen pals for ages. I have had others who I have chatted to for a long time but due to various reasons haven’t met.

Thanks "

Definitely. There is a finite about of energy created by messaging on here. Then on to WhatsApp so more intense however, we all want to meet, experience raw sex. Words can't keep that alive. Plus newer Fresher faces are always coming in the front end. We have so many friends status people we had hoped to meet but the energy drops, the messages dry up.

Best thing is to just go for it and meet xxxxx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can honestly say it must have been close to 7 years, and in-between those initial emails and the first 'Fab meet' there were socials, coffee, even the odd practical helping out.

After that period of time the dynamic changed greatly with a physical encounter, and I don't think for the better? Maybe we're wired to desire and chase the next 'fix' and reaching the destination can alter everything...obviously it can be the opposite!

It's an interesting question, and sometimes it's too easy to blur lines on what's actually wanted from interaction, despite claiming otherwise on profiles.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic