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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ve had two love bombs dropped on me since joining and it’s difficult to get around as in here for casual fun. I find it difficult to tell them that. Anyone else have any helpful tips? |
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"I’ve had two love bombs dropped on me since joining and it’s difficult to get around as in here for casual fun. I find it difficult to tell them that. Anyone else have any helpful tips? "
People saying they love you?
Make it clear from the start that you're not here for love, if they subsequently feel they love you say you're flattered but sorry that you don't feel the same way. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Need context for advice on that.
Was it after a first meet and they drop that on you, or had there been time to build up for them to feel it.
They can't help catching feels, it just happens. You must be something special, or they are just bullshitting in the hopes to win you over.
Make it clear its casual, probably best to cut ties. All else fails, you just havento change who you are and not be so easy to love. Simple!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’ve had two love bombs dropped on me since joining and it’s difficult to get around as in here for casual fun. I find it difficult to tell them that. Anyone else have any helpful tips?
People saying they love you?
Make it clear from the start that you're not here for love, if they subsequently feel they love you say you're flattered but sorry that you don't feel the same way. "
Yes unfortunately. One turned up at my work in the middle of a clinic when I didn’t tell him where I worked he figured it out.
The other is more recent when we’ve had two meets no sex but spend time together.
I’m very loving in my meets. As in attentive and caring and maybe that’s where they get the idea?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The firsts one was after one meet
What did you do to them 
"
I didn’t just have sex I was caring and considerate and loving but not in love. I’m not a shag and go. I enjoy the ones I’m with |
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It would be a red flag for me... My fwb tells me over text, but we've known each other nearly 6 months now, and I don't think he means it like he's in love with me.
I always make it very clear I'm not looking for anything more. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It would be a red flag for me... My fwb tells me over text, but we've known each other nearly 6 months now, and I don't think he means it like he's in love with me.
I always make it very clear I'm not looking for anything more."
Same. I was married for 15 years young and this is my discovery time. I hate fast shags and enjoy the company of men but I can’t commit. One day maybe but I thought I was free of that on here |
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"The firsts one was after one meet
What did you do to them
I didn’t just have sex I was caring and considerate and loving but not in love. I’m not a shag and go. I enjoy the ones I’m with "
So it’s kind of like a GF experience, I personally would say that you have to take equal blame in the situation.
As much as men are supposed to be tough & strong (in societies eyes), they also have a need for care & affection, while dropping the bomb after a first meet is a tad excessive, your play style could be encouraging “the feels” to set in, even though it’s not reciprocated.
|
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"I’ve had two love bombs dropped on me since joining and it’s difficult to get around as in here for casual fun. I find it difficult to tell them that. Anyone else have any helpful tips?
People saying they love you?
Make it clear from the start that you're not here for love, if they subsequently feel they love you say you're flattered but sorry that you don't feel the same way.
Yes unfortunately. One turned up at my work in the middle of a clinic when I didn’t tell him where I worked he figured it out.
The other is more recent when we’ve had two meets no sex but spend time together.
I’m very loving in my meets. As in attentive and caring and maybe that’s where they get the idea? "
Turning up at your workplace isn't love.
The thing is you can't help how others feel (in many but not all cases) but if you've made it clear that you have a caring and loving demeanour and it's not to be confused with actual love you've done all you can. A lot of people, especially if they're short on affection or intimacy mistake sex or caring behaviour for love. |
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By *red333Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"The firsts one was after one meet one meet lol love at first bite 
Must be me "
awwww hey you can't help how you are but i guess you've made it clear that you're not looking for a relationship lol going to read profile now |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
I admit that I've been at the point of thinking I'd like to take things further and more time with them, less casual etc. As I say you can't help it if that's how it feels, it just happens.
But I don't think I'd ever be hit with love so early on. And thankfully never have been during a casual time. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I’ve had two love bombs dropped on me since joining and it’s difficult to get around as in here for casual fun. I find it difficult to tell them that. Anyone else have any helpful tips?
People saying they love you?
Make it clear from the start that you're not here for love, if they subsequently feel they love you say you're flattered but sorry that you don't feel the same way.
Yes unfortunately. One turned up at my work in the middle of a clinic when I didn’t tell him where I worked he figured it out.
The other is more recent when we’ve had two meets no sex but spend time together.
I’m very loving in my meets. As in attentive and caring and maybe that’s where they get the idea?
Turning up at your workplace isn't love.
The thing is you can't help how others feel (in many but not all cases) but if you've made it clear that you have a caring and loving demeanour and it's not to be confused with actual love you've done all you can. A lot of people, especially if they're short on affection or intimacy mistake sex or caring behaviour for love. "
This is very true, a lack of these things can lead to even a hint of them being more powerful than most would realise. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The firsts one was after one meet
What did you do to them
I didn’t just have sex I was caring and considerate and loving but not in love. I’m not a shag and go. I enjoy the ones I’m with
So it’s kind of like a GF experience, I personally would say that you have to take equal blame in the situation.
As much as men are supposed to be tough & strong (in societies eyes), they also have a need for care & affection, while dropping the bomb after a first meet is a tad excessive, your play style could be encouraging “the feels” to set in, even though it’s not reciprocated.
"
Why? Because I’m not a come over here and make me squirt, you have a fab cock? I’m tastefull, smart and lady like |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP this is certainly a quandary that can happen to the best of us. Attachment projection is more common than we’d like to think. Hope you get sorted to a positive outcome. "
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can you turn it round in your head that it’s not ‘falling in love’ but more of a ‘love being with you’ thing? "
Maybe. I’m not discounting their feelings. I know we’ve enjoyed the time we’ve had but it’s not a full stop for me |
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"The firsts one was after one meet
What did you do to them
I didn’t just have sex I was caring and considerate and loving but not in love. I’m not a shag and go. I enjoy the ones I’m with
So it’s kind of like a GF experience, I personally would say that you have to take equal blame in the situation.
As much as men are supposed to be tough & strong (in societies eyes), they also have a need for care & affection, while dropping the bomb after a first meet is a tad excessive, your play style could be encouraging “the feels” to set in, even though it’s not reciprocated.
Why? Because I’m not a come over here and make me squirt, you have a fab cock? I’m tastefull, smart and lady like"
No because you're giving a caring vibe. A lot of medical professionals have this problem. Their patients mistake their care for love and imagine themselves to be in love with their doctor or nurse and that the feelings are reciprocated. I've even seen posts on here mostly but not exclusively from men who misinterpret their female physios treatments as a sexual come on. 'she's touching me and being nice therefore she wants me' |
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"The firsts one was after one meet
What did you do to them
I didn’t just have sex I was caring and considerate and loving but not in love. I’m not a shag and go. I enjoy the ones I’m with
So it’s kind of like a GF experience, I personally would say that you have to take equal blame in the situation.
As much as men are supposed to be tough & strong (in societies eyes), they also have a need for care & affection, while dropping the bomb after a first meet is a tad excessive, your play style could be encouraging “the feels” to set in, even though it’s not reciprocated.
Why? Because I’m not a come over here and make me squirt, you have a fab cock? I’m tastefull, smart and lady like"
Unless you are implicitly stating you like a slow sensual intimate encounter with NSA, guys also get that rush of oxytocin - it’s uncontrollable as it’s a natural bodily function. So if they’ve spent a good amount of time with you then subconsciously things could appear differently to them.
This is not an attack or having a pop.
The same happened to me when I had my single female profile & I had to say 3-4 times that this was a one time thing (maybe twice if they were good). I had to look at myself & say hang on this is happening quite often now, what am I doing that’s encouraging it. |
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"Can you turn it round in your head that it’s not ‘falling in love’ but more of a ‘love being with you’ thing?
Maybe. I’m not discounting their feelings. I know we’ve enjoyed the time we’ve had but it’s not a full stop for me "
Same, but I think lots of people on here are looking for a relationship and perhaps can’t admit that until they think they’ve found it. I’ve also been told by several men that they “don’t believe” I’m happy to avoid a relationship status. 
In your position I guess I would make it clear I’m still meeting / looking for others and that this isn’t a one to one exclusive thing.
Sending good wishes for getting it sorted comfortably for both sides x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Eh, that's a bit odd. I'd understand if you'd spent loads of time together one on one and known each other a while. But it all sounds quite stalkerish. I wouldn't hesitate to block them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The firsts one was after one meet
What did you do to them
I didn’t just have sex I was caring and considerate and loving but not in love. I’m not a shag and go. I enjoy the ones I’m with
So it’s kind of like a GF experience, I personally would say that you have to take equal blame in the situation.
As much as men are supposed to be tough & strong (in societies eyes), they also have a need for care & affection, while dropping the bomb after a first meet is a tad excessive, your play style could be encouraging “the feels” to set in, even though it’s not reciprocated.
Why? Because I’m not a come over here and make me squirt, you have a fab cock? I’m tastefull, smart and lady like
Unless you are implicitly stating you like a slow sensual intimate encounter with NSA, guys also get that rush of oxytocin - it’s uncontrollable as it’s a natural bodily function. So if they’ve spent a good amount of time with you then subconsciously things could appear differently to them.
This is not an attack or having a pop.
The same happened to me when I had my single female profile & I had to say 3-4 times that this was a one time thing (maybe twice if they were good). I had to look at myself & say hang on this is happening quite often now, what am I doing that’s encouraging it. "
The problem I have is I’m a loving lover. Without revealing my number I’ve been with many many and it’s not crude. It’s drinks, talk and then to bed when I’m caring and attentive. That’s just my style |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
If this keeps happening maybe every time you have a first meet, have a conversation about what they are looking for, explain exactly what you are and aren't looking for, just so it is all clear, and you have at least put into their head, that you are not looking for love.
I also enjoy a very sensual experience, I do understand what you mean by that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If this keeps happening maybe every time you have a first meet, have a conversation about what they are looking for, explain exactly what you are and aren't looking for, just so it is all clear, and you have at least put into their head, that you are not looking for love.
I also enjoy a very sensual experience, I do understand what you mean by that."
Thank you and I do the same. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"If this keeps happening maybe every time you have a first meet, have a conversation about what they are looking for, explain exactly what you are and aren't looking for, just so it is all clear, and you have at least put into their head, that you are not looking for love.
I also enjoy a very sensual experience, I do understand what you mean by that."
Yes. Make it very clear what you're looking for OP. What you're not interested in. I think sometimes people do confuse love with being paid a bit of attention. Care. You can be loving without loving someone if that makes sense. It's just making sure people understand that there's a difference. |
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"The firsts one was after one meet
What did you do to them
I didn’t just have sex I was caring and considerate and loving but not in love. I’m not a shag and go. I enjoy the ones I’m with
So it’s kind of like a GF experience, I personally would say that you have to take equal blame in the situation.
As much as men are supposed to be tough & strong (in societies eyes), they also have a need for care & affection, while dropping the bomb after a first meet is a tad excessive, your play style could be encouraging “the feels” to set in, even though it’s not reciprocated.
Why? Because I’m not a come over here and make me squirt, you have a fab cock? I’m tastefull, smart and lady like
Unless you are implicitly stating you like a slow sensual intimate encounter with NSA, guys also get that rush of oxytocin - it’s uncontrollable as it’s a natural bodily function. So if they’ve spent a good amount of time with you then subconsciously things could appear differently to them.
This is not an attack or having a pop.
The same happened to me when I had my single female profile & I had to say 3-4 times that this was a one time thing (maybe twice if they were good). I had to look at myself & say hang on this is happening quite often now, what am I doing that’s encouraging it.
The problem I have is I’m a loving lover. Without revealing my number I’ve been with many many and it’s not crude. It’s drinks, talk and then to bed when I’m caring and attentive. That’s just my style "
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that all, sex is good fun & we should all be able to enjoy it without being judged for those choices.
While what you’ve experienced is not good, just remember that men have feelings & needs to, lines need to be put down so they implicitly know where they stand before a GF experience meet. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"The firsts one was after one meet
What did you do to them
I didn’t just have sex I was caring and considerate and loving but not in love. I’m not a shag and go. I enjoy the ones I’m with
So it’s kind of like a GF experience, I personally would say that you have to take equal blame in the situation.
As much as men are supposed to be tough & strong (in societies eyes), they also have a need for care & affection, while dropping the bomb after a first meet is a tad excessive, your play style could be encouraging “the feels” to set in, even though it’s not reciprocated.
Why? Because I’m not a come over here and make me squirt, you have a fab cock? I’m tastefull, smart and lady like
Unless you are implicitly stating you like a slow sensual intimate encounter with NSA, guys also get that rush of oxytocin - it’s uncontrollable as it’s a natural bodily function. So if they’ve spent a good amount of time with you then subconsciously things could appear differently to them.
This is not an attack or having a pop.
The same happened to me when I had my single female profile & I had to say 3-4 times that this was a one time thing (maybe twice if they were good). I had to look at myself & say hang on this is happening quite often now, what am I doing that’s encouraging it.
The problem I have is I’m a loving lover. Without revealing my number I’ve been with many many and it’s not crude. It’s drinks, talk and then to bed when I’m caring and attentive. That’s just my style
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that all, sex is good fun & we should all be able to enjoy it without being judged for those choices.
While what you’ve experienced is not good, just remember that men have feelings & needs to, lines need to be put down so they implicitly know where they stand before a GF experience meet. "
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