FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Being nice don’t count
Being nice don’t count
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Is this going to turn into another Andrew Tate debate?
You can be a gent or you can be an arsehole. Neither will guarantee someone will meet you but the arsehole will probably have more alone time.
J |
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If being nice and being a gent are one and the same thing, then obviously I mustn't be nice. I cannot, by definition, be "a gent". Nor am I some ladylike, feminine caricature. Fuck knows *shakes head*  |
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"What is your definition of a gent, on here?
Count in what way?
Being respectful, no Willy pics and a general conversation, not like hey how’s your evening going but more .
"
Being respectful costs nothing. And really should be how you are in all things in life OP.
I am but it doesn’t make me a gent.
Holding a conversation on here is also a good start. Hope that helps  |
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"What is your definition of a gent, on here?
Count in what way?
Being respectful, no Willy pics and a general conversation, not like hey how’s your evening going but more .
"
That counts in life in general for the people it matters to.
You should be respectful, kind, and operate with consent at all times, regardless if you're on Fab or not.. c'mon mate. |
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"What is your definition of a gent, on here?
Count in what way?
Being respectful, no Willy pics and a general conversation, not like hey how’s your evening going but more .
Being respectful costs nothing. And really should be how you are in all things in life OP.
I am but it doesn’t make me a gent.
Holding a conversation on here is also a good start. Hope that helps "
Amen  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
It counts, it counts a lot.
Thing is, being nice alone won't have women flooding your inbox with replies, especially if you don't fit any other criteria they like, or if they don't find you attractive. |
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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
"What is your definition of a gent, on here?
Count in what way?
Being respectful, no Willy pics and a general conversation, not like hey how’s your evening going but more .
Being respectful costs nothing. And really should be how you are in all things in life OP.
I am but it doesn’t make me a gent.
Holding a conversation on here is also a good start. Hope that helps "
Nice? Conversation the use of words? Hmm Ivor is confuddled |
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By *ylan11 OP Man
over a year ago
osterley |
"It counts, it counts a lot.
Thing is, being nice alone won't have women flooding your inbox with replies, especially if you don't fit any other criteria they like, or if they don't find you attractive. "
My inbox is busy but I have to say conversation and lacks a lot and rudeness is huge.
If it was the other way it would be called harassment |
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"What is your definition of a gent, on here?
Count in what way?
Being respectful, no Willy pics and a general conversation, not like hey how’s your evening going but more .
"
Don't sweat it too much, OP. You can only be yourself. Some people will want to chat to you, some won't, no matter how good your chat is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone doesn’t fancy you, or you’re not what they’re looking for (ie. Currently more focused on finding single women/couples) then that’s just the way it is, OP. You can’t expect everyone you like the look of, to feel the same about you. |
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"It counts, it counts a lot.
Thing is, being nice alone won't have women flooding your inbox with replies, especially if you don't fit any other criteria they like, or if they don't find you attractive.
My inbox is busy but I have to say conversation and lacks a lot and rudeness is huge.
If it was the other way it would be called harassment "
I think it is called annoyance normally - either way. If you don’t like the messages, delete them. If you like the conversation then continue it. If it becomes harassing, use the block button.
Hope this helps  |
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Being nice should be an absolute standard!
However, message experience on here shows being nice gets you nowhere! But being a twat gets you nowhere!.
Basically my messaging skills are shit so good fucking luck,haha  |
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By *ylan11 OP Man
over a year ago
osterley |
"It counts, it counts a lot.
Thing is, being nice alone won't have women flooding your inbox with replies, especially if you don't fit any other criteria they like, or if they don't find you attractive.
My inbox is busy but I have to say conversation and lacks a lot and rudeness is huge.
If it was the other way it would be called harassment
I think it is called annoyance normally - either way. If you don’t like the messages, delete them. If you like the conversation then continue it. If it becomes harassing, use the block button.
Hope this helps "
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By *ylan11 OP Man
over a year ago
osterley |
"It counts, it counts a lot.
Thing is, being nice alone won't have women flooding your inbox with replies, especially if you don't fit any other criteria they like, or if they don't find you attractive.
My inbox is busy but I have to say conversation and lacks a lot and rudeness is huge.
If it was the other way it would be called harassment
I think it is called annoyance normally - either way. If you don’t like the messages, delete them. If you like the conversation then continue it. If it becomes harassing, use the block button.
Hope this helps "
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By *ylan11 OP Man
over a year ago
osterley |
"It counts, it counts a lot.
Thing is, being nice alone won't have women flooding your inbox with replies, especially if you don't fit any other criteria they like, or if they don't find you attractive.
My inbox is busy but I have to say conversation and lacks a lot and rudeness is huge.
If it was the other way it would be called harassment
I think it is called annoyance normally - either way. If you don’t like the messages, delete them. If you like the conversation then continue it. If it becomes harassing, use the block button.
Hope this helps "
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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
You can be polite and respectful but still keep boundaries. I think sometimes guys feel like they’re being told to suck up to everyone.
I have had a few couples/single women give the most horrendous effort yet, in the messages, asking for more about me. Some years ago I would have tried extra hard to be “nice” by trying harder despite the effort not being reciprocated. Now I just politely let people like that know I’m no longer interested.
You don’t have to bend over backward or suck up to people. Those genuinely interested in you will match your energy and you can tell. |
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On Fab itself it's debatable, lots of competition, lots of dickhead guys, seriously you have no idea what it's like to be a woman or couple on here. Go to socials, there being nice counts a lot and if you can be interesting and witty you're golden. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
Being respectful should be a given on here.
Being nice is such a cringe worthy term, because it mean a multitude of things dependant on the context it is used in.
I get called nice quite a lot because I am courteous and respectful, but is doesn't guarantee you will get meets.
Just be yourself, not what you think other people want you to be |
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"If someone doesn’t fancy you, or you’re not what they’re looking for (ie. Currently more focused on finding single women/couples) then that’s just the way it is, OP. You can’t expect everyone you like the look of, to feel the same about you."
This.
Nobody is everybody's cup of tea.
I love RFD to bits, she is sexy, sweet, has a devastating smile and is frighteningly intelligent. But, she is way out of my league. Am I bitter and act like an asshat? No, being a gentleman is something you should do by default, not because you expect something in return. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m probably overtired, but I’m now singing that line from that Lou Reed song:
‘You’re going to reap, just what you sow’
That’s actually one of my new tattoos  "
That’s SO awesome! |
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"I’m probably overtired, but I’m now singing that line from that Lou Reed song:
‘You’re going to reap, just what you sow’
That’s actually one of my new tattoos
That’s SO awesome!"
I can’t wait to get it. Next week fingers crossed xx |
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Depends. If being nice is being a bit of a wet drip walkover, then no.
If being nice is just a facade to curry favour then no.
If you're genuinely nice and have confidence and get to know people then maybe. |
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"If your a gent does it count on here ?
In my experience, no it dosnt. You can spend time reading a profile twice, and send a detailed polite message, but it still gets deleted unread. "
That's Fab/life. Being polite and respectful should be everyone's default but you really can't expect people to reply to every message they receive, especially if it's going to go nowhere.
While it'd be nice to get a reply sometimes, would you want one saying they're not interested or simply no reply? The end result is the same.
Fab can be a brutal place but it's also full of genuine, nice, kinky folks. Don't lose heart. Be kind. Rewind  |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"If your a gent does it count on here ?
In my experience, no it dosnt. You can spend time reading a profile twice, and send a detailed polite message, but it still gets deleted unread. "
Most people on here are only interested in replying to those whom they are attracted to not endless chat with no intentions of it leading anywhere. What people do and some need to get used to the idea people are here for themselves not just others |
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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"If your a gent does it count on here ?"
Yes it does. But not through typed words. It only comes across in person and then it’s not a thing I think you can manifest. It’s either there or it’s not. But it’s an attractive feature, men and ladies alike. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your a gent does it count on here ?
In my experience, no it dosnt. You can spend time reading a profile twice, and send a detailed polite message, but it still gets deleted unread.
Most people on here are only interested in replying to those whom they are attracted to not endless chat with no intentions of it leading anywhere. What people do and some need to get used to the idea people are here for themselves not just others "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone doesn’t fancy you, or you’re not what they’re looking for (ie. Currently more focused on finding single women/couples) then that’s just the way it is, OP. You can’t expect everyone you like the look of, to feel the same about you."
No matter how nice Tom Hardy is to me, I just don't fancy him. |
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By *glyBettyTV/TS
over a year ago
About 3 feet away from the fence |
OP you're not going to get any joy recycling that non-descript filtered headshot for 2 years.
What you need to do is purchase a pair of CROCS and model them in your pics. It's a surefire winner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a gent does count but most females and couples are already ruined within a couple of weeks on the site by all the jackals swooping on fresh prey.
Bottom line is, gent or not.. without a good profile with quality photos you don't stand a chance and on top of that, people have to like the look of you. So many things against single guys succeeding |
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"If someone doesn’t fancy you, or you’re not what they’re looking for (ie. Currently more focused on finding single women/couples) then that’s just the way it is, OP. You can’t expect everyone you like the look of, to feel the same about you.
No matter how nice Tom Hardy is to me, I just don't fancy him. "
^^^Same  |
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"If your a gent does it count on here ?"
I think being nice counts everywhere in life, if people consider it’s a quality that doesn’t count, then I’m happy that they are not for me and I’m not for them.  |
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Being nice and a gentleman is always a good thing. If anyone feels that these things entitle them to sex or they only behave that way towards people who might have sex with them they're not very gentlemanly or nice.
I sometimes wonder if the reason *some* men interpret women being nice to them as them wanting sex is because they're only nice to people they fancy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your a gent does it count on here ?
I think being nice counts everywhere in life, if people consider it’s a quality that doesn’t count, then I’m happy that they are not for me and I’m not for them. "
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I would imagine OP that the vast majority of single men on here would consider themselves “nice”, “a gent”, “respectful” etc.
I’m not really sure what your question is, but I would equate being “a gent” with being “respectful”. In that one should respect the choices of those we interact with and not complain about those choices, anything else just sounds entitled.
So if I am expecting “being a gent” to equate to abandonment of preference or choice, and getting preferential treatment then I’m not really “being a gent” am I? |
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"If someone doesn’t fancy you, or you’re not what they’re looking for (ie. Currently more focused on finding single women/couples) then that’s just the way it is, OP. You can’t expect everyone you like the look of, to feel the same about you.
No matter how nice Tom Hardy is to me, I just don't fancy him. "
Has someone informed Tom Hardy that there's a woman on this planet who does NOT fancy him? This will come as quite a shock and he'll need support. |
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The term "nice" is subjective and if you use it as your USP and have to continuously remind people that you are nice or a gent that's usually a sign that you are projecting a different image.
Actions always speak louder than words.
Genuinely nice gents never have to tell anyone they are genuinely nice gents.
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"Is this going to turn into another Andrew Tate debate?
You can be a gent or you can be an arsehole. Neither will guarantee someone will meet you but the arsehole will probably have more alone time.
J "
Oh I don't know. I have seen totl arseholes who always have women hating after them. Kts the whole bad boy thing for women isn't it? |
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"The term "nice" is subjective and if you use it as your USP and have to continuously remind people that you are nice or a gent that's usually a sign that you are projecting a different image.
Actions always speak louder than words.
Genuinely nice gents never have to tell anyone they are genuinely nice gents.
"
Also just to add there is a big difference between being nice and being a scyhophant.
Being nice doesn't require you to give up your self-respect and allow others to treat you as a doormat.
So to answer your question in relation to fab, most people have more respect for guys who are mannerly and respectful but at the same time take ownership of their expectations on fab rather than flip flop to suit everyone else. |
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"Being polite and respectful should be everyone's default but you really can't expect people to reply to every message they receive, especially if it's going to go nowhere.
While it'd be nice to get a reply sometimes, would you want one saying they're not interested or simply no reply? The end result is the same.
Fab can be a brutal place but it's also full of genuine, nice, kinky folks. Don't lose heart. Be kind. Rewind "
My thoughts entirely. Though there will always be rude, ill-mannered people in every walk of life, and they are always best ignored. |
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Yes, being ‘nice’ does count. But simply just being ‘nice’ is not enough. There’s many other traits and characteristics that are important when looking for a partner.
Loads of people (men and women) think that being nice/ friendly/ polite etc is enough on its own and it’s just not the case. Being ‘nice’ is also a very low benchmark to set… we should try and be nice as a default. |
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Rather than thinking about if being a gent counts . Why not think more in terms of how you would like to be treated and treat others with the same level of courtesy, respect and manners. None of these cost a thing but go a hell of a long way to establishing a way forward . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is your definition of a gent, on here?
Count in what way?
Being respectful, no Willy pics and a general conversation, not like hey how’s your evening going but more .
"
So you count on the fact that behaving this way should be bringing you some results? Is this your question? |
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"If your a gent does it count on here ?"
•
Your question is a little vague, OP.
You don't have to be a Count.
You can be a Baron, Viscount, Earl, Marquess or a Duke.
If you're a civilian without a title or an 'honorific' then even better: aspire to be a gentleman before anything else.  |
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"It counts, it counts a lot.
Thing is, being nice alone won't have women flooding your inbox with replies, especially if you don't fit any other criteria they like, or if they don't find you attractive.
My inbox is busy but I have to say conversation and lacks a lot and rudeness is huge.
If it was the other way it would be called harassment "
That's what the block button is for |
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"If someone doesn’t fancy you, or you’re not what they’re looking for (ie. Currently more focused on finding single women/couples) then that’s just the way it is, OP. You can’t expect everyone you like the look of, to feel the same about you.
No matter how nice Tom Hardy is to me, I just don't fancy him.
Has someone informed Tom Hardy that there's a woman on this planet who does NOT fancy him? This will come as quite a shock and he'll need support."
I don't find most of the "mainstream" celeb men attractive. I've decided I'm weird  |
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"Is this going to turn into another Andrew Tate debate?
You can be a gent or you can be an arsehole. Neither will guarantee someone will meet you but the arsehole will probably have more alone time.
J
Oh I don't know. I have seen totl arseholes who always have women hating after them. Kts the whole bad boy thing for women isn't it?"
No, it isn't |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"What is your definition of a gent, on here?
Count in what way?"
My definition of a gent
Treat others how you like to be treated
Say please and thank you.
Not be afraid to have your own views even if it's not the popular way of thinking.
Be proud of who you are don't compromise your standards to fit others.
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"If your a gent does it count on here ?"
It doesn't matter.
Being nice doesn't mean you get sex.
But it's like asking if you should shower before you meet.
There are those who prefer an unwashed partner (according to status updates) but most assume that cleanliness and niceness are standard, and will select on other things |
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"If someone doesn’t fancy you, or you’re not what they’re looking for (ie. Currently more focused on finding single women/couples) then that’s just the way it is, OP. You can’t expect everyone you like the look of, to feel the same about you.
No matter how nice Tom Hardy is to me, I just don't fancy him.
Has someone informed Tom Hardy that there's a woman on this planet who does NOT fancy him? This will come as quite a shock and he'll need support.
I don't find most of the "mainstream" celeb men attractive. I've decided I'm weird "
I’m exactly the same. Hooray for free choice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being nice and a gentleman is always a good thing. If anyone feels that these things entitle them to sex or they only behave that way towards people who might have sex with them they're not very gentlemanly or nice.
I sometimes wonder if the reason *some* men interpret women being nice to them as them wanting sex is because they're only nice to people they fancy."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No one is entitled to a reply, even if you’ve sent a polite detailed personalised message that indicates you have read some one’s profile. People know when they’re just not interested, and that’s fine- it happens to everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps using pics off the Internet puts people off?
To be fair I did reverse image search on OP as I suspected the same thing, but turned up 0 results for what it's worth"
I got an advert for hairstyles for light skinned men and another about Somalian men of course, he could well be some kinda model I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't get it twisted.
Nice doesn't equate to a meet, a meet doesn't always equate to more. Being nice is about you as a person treating ppl with respect and having dignity and integrity, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't get it twisted.
Nice doesn't equate to a meet, a meet doesn't always equate to more. Being nice is about you as a person treating ppl with respect and having dignity and integrity, "
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
Being nice isn’t a personality trait, it doesn’t really say anything about who you are, but should also be the bare minimum of behaviour, unless you’re at risk of being a ‘nice guy’, in which case, just don’t! |
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"Don't get it twisted.
Nice doesn't equate to a meet, a meet doesn't always equate to more. Being nice is about you as a person treating ppl with respect and having dignity and integrity, "
Has anyone said being nice equals a meet and a meet equals anything more? |
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"Being nice isn’t a personality trait, it doesn’t really say anything about who you are, but should also be the bare minimum of behaviour, unless you’re at risk of being a ‘nice guy’, in which case, just don’t! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't get it twisted.
Nice doesn't equate to a meet, a meet doesn't always equate to more. Being nice is about you as a person treating ppl with respect and having dignity and integrity,
Has anyone said being nice equals a meet and a meet equals anything more? "
There was no claim that anybody stated this, read between the lines, come to any understanding you like to. Its all good |
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"Don't get it twisted.
Nice doesn't equate to a meet, a meet doesn't always equate to more. Being nice is about you as a person treating ppl with respect and having dignity and integrity,
Has anyone said being nice equals a meet and a meet equals anything more?
There was no claim that anybody stated this, read between the lines, come to any understanding you like to. Its all good "
Gotcha. A helpful reminder just in case. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't get it twisted.
Nice doesn't equate to a meet, a meet doesn't always equate to more. Being nice is about you as a person treating ppl with respect and having dignity and integrity,
Has anyone said being nice equals a meet and a meet equals anything more?
There was no claim that anybody stated this, read between the lines, come to any understanding you like to. Its all good
Gotcha. A helpful reminder just in case. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly some people just have to be nasty we had some nasty abuse from a certain couple because we had to change plans due to a death "
That's awful, some people should have more consideration. I'm sorry for your loss x |
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"Sadly some people just have to be nasty we had some nasty abuse from a certain couple because we had to change plans due to a death "
That's grim and also they are only thinking of themselves....you dodged a play bullet there. |
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"Sadly some people just have to be nasty we had some nasty abuse from a certain couple because we had to change plans due to a death
That's awful, some people should have more consideration. I'm sorry for your loss x"
Thankyou |
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"Sadly some people just have to be nasty we had some nasty abuse from a certain couple because we had to change plans due to a death
That's grim and also they are only thinking of themselves....you dodged a play bullet there."
Indeed we did
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