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Getting a divorce
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"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?"
I hope Fab is not your first port of call for advice on something this important! Divorce is a big step, but assuming you’ve tried couples therapy/counselling and that has failed, then it would be the next logical step. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Communicate clearly, don't sugar coat it. Doesn't matter if she is your partner.
You are putting this across like it's all her fault. There is more to it than a few bullet points.
There is a reason all of this is happening or not. Talk about it, find it, resolve it. If you've grown into 2 different people and have no attraction to each other then yeah it's enough to split up.
Just don't pretend it's 1 sided, it never is. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Communicate clearly, don't sugar coat it. Doesn't matter if she is your partner.
You are putting this across like it's all her fault. There is more to it than a few bullet points.
There is a reason all of this is happening or not. Talk about it, find it, resolve it. If you've grown into 2 different people and have no attraction to each other then yeah it's enough to split up.
Just don't pretend it's 1 sided, it never is. "
No I know it’s not one sided ! I’m far from perfect as being on fab will prove |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?"
Depends if you can afford to lose hour house, because sure as shit she will take youfor every penny you have. Stll if it makes you eligible to be happy and it sounds like right now you are in a living hell, go for it |
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Are you prepared for life alone? I'm assuming one of you will need to move, if not both. Your house will need to be sold, assets and joint possessions split. Have you got a plan for life after separation? Does your wife want to divorce, does she know you're thinking of it, if she readily agrees how will you feel?
I'm not saying don't do it, it's the only answer in some cases but you do need to seriously consider your options.
Good luck whatever you decide. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Are you prepared for life alone? I'm assuming one of you will need to move, if not both. Your house will need to be sold, assets and joint possessions split. Have you got a plan for life after separation? Does your wife want to divorce, does she know you're thinking of it, if she readily agrees how will you feel?
I'm not saying don't do it, it's the only answer in some cases but you do need to seriously consider your options.
Good luck whatever you decide."
All good points x thank you x |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?"
Yes!
You have 1 life, why waste it being miserable. Go out there and find someone who makes everyday worth living for |
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From my experience, it's a nightmare and never brings out the best in people . But if there's nothing left its the only way forward before things turn toxic. Being on here speaks volumes too unless it's with full consent.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you want to make it work, and you've tried to change things and had no success then I say yes, you should leave. You deserve to be happy. Why stay in a relationship that makes you feel nothing but miserable? |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
If sitting down and discussing isn't possible to smooth things over. Then one final discussion is needed so you could say that you tried if you seriously love them regardless how you maybe feeling
Good luck pal  |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"If you want to make it work, and you've tried to change things and had no success then I say yes, you should leave. You deserve to be happy. Why stay in a relationship that makes you feel nothing but miserable? "
Thanks xx it’s a tough decision I know it will upset a lot of people |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"If sitting down and discussing isn't possible to smooth things over. Then one final discussion is needed so you could say that you tried if you seriously love them regardless how you maybe feeling
Good luck pal "
Thanks appreciate that |
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"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?
Yes!
You have 1 life, why waste it being miserable. Go out there and find someone who makes everyday worth living for"
The alternative to staying married isn't always happy ever after. Sometimes the grass is only greener on the other side because it's been cultivated more frequently |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Communicate clearly, don't sugar coat it. Doesn't matter if she is your partner.
You are putting this across like it's all her fault. There is more to it than a few bullet points.
There is a reason all of this is happening or not. Talk about it, find it, resolve it. If you've grown into 2 different people and have no attraction to each other then yeah it's enough to split up.
Just don't pretend it's 1 sided, it never is. "
He didn't |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
Suggest some couples counselling to her, if you both want to find a way to still make it work then it’s worth exploring, and if not then they can also help find ways for you to separate amicably and move on. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"If sitting down and discussing isn't possible to smooth things over. Then one final discussion is needed so you could say that you tried if you seriously love them regardless how you maybe feeling
Good luck pal
Thanks appreciate that "
Welcome pal
Mixed emotions and all that makes decisions difficult but their is always the opportunity to really sit down and discuss on a mutual level least this way you might get an answer straight away or they might need time to think but talking is the best way and listening so are able to figure out why things are or have been way they are. It's not always a two way thing but can explain a lot
I seriously wish you the best of luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you want to make it work, and you've tried to change things and had no success then I say yes, you should leave. You deserve to be happy. Why stay in a relationship that makes you feel nothing but miserable?
Thanks xx it’s a tough decision I know it will upset a lot of people "
You've got to live your life for you.
I read your profile and see you're meeting without her knowledge. I'm not judging, but a good thing to think about is do you have unrealistic expectations. As they say, the grass isn't always greener. Maybe ask yourself too why your relationship is the way it is. Is it because you put effort into other women rather than your wife? Or did you become miserable somewhere along the line and that's what pushed you towards other women?
I can't imagine how tough it must be. But make sure you really want to walk away. If there is any part of you that wants it to work, then fight for it. But if you can't be happy and find a way for it to work then live life for you. I'm sure people will come to terms with it soon enough.
You only get one life and it's fucking short. I obviously don't condone cheating on her, but it's not always black and white. It's best to walk away, than continue to cheat, and feel trapped and miserable. It's just adding more pain into the mix.
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Personally, I think that by the time you’re posting about leaving your partner on an Internet forum you’ve already made your decision. You just haven’t fully admitted it to yourself and want some validation or back-up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being on here is not going to improve the marriage.
Perhaps you could show your wife your profile, verifications and meet status and see what her thoughts are about saving the relationship?
If you don’t want to be with her just be honest with her. |
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"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?"
31 years is a lot to bin out. But life's short. If you've exhausted all ways to try and connect again then it seems like it. But what do we know? |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Being on here is not going to improve the marriage.
Perhaps you could show your wife your profile, verifications and meet status and see what her thoughts are about saving the relationship?
If you don’t want to be with her just be honest with her. "
All fair points x |
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We could give you all the answers in the world, those you would like to hear, but also the other ones.
The truth is only you can answer your question but I have a feeling you probably know your answer already.
Good luck OP. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Being on here is not going to improve the marriage.
Perhaps you could show your wife your profile, verifications and meet status and see what her thoughts are about saving the relationship?
If you don’t want to be with her just be honest with her. "
I will |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"We could give you all the answers in the world, those you would like to hear, but also the other ones.
The truth is only you can answer your question but I have a feeling you probably know your answer already.
Good luck OP."
Thanks I realise it’s a very divisive subject xx |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don't think any one of us could give you an answer to that question. Only you can decide. But the bit that hits in your post is making each other miserable, most other things in a relationship you could compromise with, but that is a big one.
If you havn't tried to find out what is making you both miserable then that is a good starting point. If you have discussed it and tried to make things different between you both and nothing has worked then maybe you have your answer
Either way the decision has to be what is best for you so ask yourself... Do I want to be in a relationship that makes me unhappy and i'd like to be like this for the rest of my life?"
This 1000%
Read your bullet points again.
The time you've been married is irrelevant. People get divorced regardless of whether they've been together 3 months, 3 years or 30 years.
The fact you have kids is irrelevant. Staying together because you have kids doesn't solve any issues and can exacerbate them.
No sex for 6 years? That's always the thing that's thrown out by people as a primary cause of unhappiness. The question here is why have you both left it so long to tackle that issue?
The only key thing you've said is that you make each other miserable.
If you were having sex daily, the kids had moved out and everything else in life (finances, work, extended family) was hunky dory but you were still making each other miserable then that is the crux of the matter - who wants to be in a relationship with someone that makes them unhappy?
If you haven't sat down and discussed what's making you both miserable then that's your first job. Only then can you establish what happens next, what's best for you both (note - BOTH) and whether it's time to call it a day.
And if you do decide to split get ready for some turbulent times, heated discussions and negotiations on what happens next and who gets what. Amicable is the way to go but that's a rare occurrence when there is property and kids involved.
The only guaranteed winners in divorces are the solicitors.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's never a good reason to stay together just for your kids I did that,it's much easier for all involved to walk away if the marriage isn't working anymore
Life is way to short to live in unhappily married |
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OP I sincerely hope your thought process doesn’t come down to two negative bullet points. I expect not and that you have highlighted the things with which you feel fab folk will concern themselves. I also expect that you’re more likely to be on a fab forum for validation as opposed to counselling.
I have never been married, let alone lived with someone for as long as you, so I’m hardly qualified to comment. But since you asked…
You’ve been married 31 years and know each other better than anyone. On a good day, can you see the positives and any reasons for working this through? Do you see glimmers of happiness? Bear in mind that all people evolve as they grow and no one is like to be the same now as when they were young. They may be equally in sync, though.
I have been in a long term relationship where I was thoroughly miserable every day. I couldn’t see any way of improving things and so I left. I feel I tried everything including talking and counselling. To this day I think it is the best thing I did for myself.
Playing devil’s advocate - Sex is important in a relationship (or out of one haha) but is it all you want and need in life? I fully understand it currently gives you an escape and some excitement. As another poster said, is that causing you to find happiness in the wrong place?
However it works out OP, I hope it turns out to be the right thing for you and you find your happiness my friend. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"OP I sincerely hope your thought process doesn’t come down to two negative bullet points. I expect not and that you have highlighted the things with which you feel fab folk will concern themselves. I also expect that you’re more likely to be on a fab forum for validation as opposed to counselling.
I have never been married, let alone lived with someone for as long as you, so I’m hardly qualified to comment. But since you asked…
You’ve been married 31 years and know each other better than anyone. On a good day, can you see the positives and any reasons for working this through? Do you see glimmers of happiness? Bear in mind that all people evolve as they grow and no one is like to be the same now as when they were young. They may be equally in sync, though.
I have been in a long term relationship where I was thoroughly miserable every day. I couldn’t see any way of improving things and so I left. I feel I tried everything including talking and counselling. To this day I think it is the best thing I did for myself.
Playing devil’s advocate - Sex is important in a relationship (or out of one haha) but is it all you want and need in life? I fully understand it currently gives you an escape and some excitement. As another poster said, is that causing you to find happiness in the wrong place?
However it works out OP, I hope it turns out to be the right thing for you and you find your happiness my friend."
Cheers for that mate |
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Well your on here and she doesn't know, so your half way to a divorce, now all you need to do is not see the kids and give her everything you jointly own... Followed by depression, alcohol and drugs to lead a single man's life... Grass not always greener mate |
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
I was - on the face of it at least - in a very similar position to you. As others have said, only you will know based on all your personal circumstances whether you are prepared to tolerate remaining in a sexless marriage or whether to take another course of action. I stayed in an unhappy, emotionally abusive and sexless relationship for far too long until I had a 'fuck this shit' moment 4 years ago. I ended it, made both families unhappy but they all got over it apart from the ex. Financially I am worse off as I'm supporting 2 households but have never ever regretted the decision to leave. It was undoubtedly the right thing for me to do. It may or may not be right for you. I wish you all the best OP. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I was - on the face of it at least - in a very similar position to you. As others have said, only you will know based on all your personal circumstances whether you are prepared to tolerate remaining in a sexless marriage or whether to take another course of action. I stayed in an unhappy, emotionally abusive and sexless relationship for far too long until I had a 'fuck this shit' moment 4 years ago. I ended it, made both families unhappy but they all got over it apart from the ex. Financially I am worse off as I'm supporting 2 households but have never ever regretted the decision to leave. It was undoubtedly the right thing for me to do. It may or may not be right for you. I wish you all the best OP. "
Well done and I’m glad you are much happier xx I’ll keep you updated |
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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?"
It's not that simple.
Do you love her?
Have you tried talking or looking at counselling?
Why no sex? (I've had guys trying to get sympathy for this when in actual fact, she has cancer, so it does have a bearing in my opinion).
If you're both miserable, you owe it to each other to find a way to ensure that the rest of your lives can be happy. It's a horrible decision to make, but based on your bullet points, it sounds as if neither of you are being brave enough to do what needs doing.
It's hard in the early days, but if you split, you can both heal, be fantastic parents & live happier lives.
Just keep it civil & don't be a dick- cheating on her will potentially explode this wide open & make it extremely difficult to resolve peacefully. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?
It's not that simple.
Do you love her?
Have you tried talking or looking at counselling?
Why no sex? (I've had guys trying to get sympathy for this when in actual fact, she has cancer, so it does have a bearing in my opinion).
If you're both miserable, you owe it to each other to find a way to ensure that the rest of your lives can be happy. It's a horrible decision to make, but based on your bullet points, it sounds as if neither of you are being brave enough to do what needs doing.
It's hard in the early days, but if you split, you can both heal, be fantastic parents & live happier lives.
Just keep it civil & don't be a dick- cheating on her will potentially explode this wide open & make it extremely difficult to resolve peacefully. "
Not sure if either of us love each other anymore
No sex ? Not really sure maybe lack of effort on both parts |
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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?
It's not that simple.
Do you love her?
Have you tried talking or looking at counselling?
Why no sex? (I've had guys trying to get sympathy for this when in actual fact, she has cancer, so it does have a bearing in my opinion).
If you're both miserable, you owe it to each other to find a way to ensure that the rest of your lives can be happy. It's a horrible decision to make, but based on your bullet points, it sounds as if neither of you are being brave enough to do what needs doing.
It's hard in the early days, but if you split, you can both heal, be fantastic parents & live happier lives.
Just keep it civil & don't be a dick- cheating on her will potentially explode this wide open & make it extremely difficult to resolve peacefully.
Not sure if either of us love each other anymore
No sex ? Not really sure maybe lack of effort on both parts "
If you're not sure, you need to find out!!
I struggled on through the final years of my marriage telling myself I was happy. It wasn't until we split that I realised how miserable I'd been.
I know some blokes are telling you that she'll take everything, but she's a Mum & I would like to think she'd put your kid's happiness above getting one over on you financially.
Yes, you will have to split assets, but I'm so much happier in my lovely 2 bedroom flat than I was in my 4 bedroom house!!!
Life is not measured in the coins in the bank.
I mean it when I advise doing something before she finds your Fab account. It makes things very complicated & I know this from personal experience.
Good luck |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?
It's not that simple.
Do you love her?
Have you tried talking or looking at counselling?
Why no sex? (I've had guys trying to get sympathy for this when in actual fact, she has cancer, so it does have a bearing in my opinion).
If you're both miserable, you owe it to each other to find a way to ensure that the rest of your lives can be happy. It's a horrible decision to make, but based on your bullet points, it sounds as if neither of you are being brave enough to do what needs doing.
It's hard in the early days, but if you split, you can both heal, be fantastic parents & live happier lives.
Just keep it civil & don't be a dick- cheating on her will potentially explode this wide open & make it extremely difficult to resolve peacefully.
Not sure if either of us love each other anymore
No sex ? Not really sure maybe lack of effort on both parts
If you're not sure, you need to find out!!
I struggled on through the final years of my marriage telling myself I was happy. It wasn't until we split that I realised how miserable I'd been.
I know some blokes are telling you that she'll take everything, but she's a Mum & I would like to think she'd put your kid's happiness above getting one over on you financially.
Yes, you will have to split assets, but I'm so much happier in my lovely 2 bedroom flat than I was in my 4 bedroom house!!!
Life is not measured in the coins in the bank.
I mean it when I advise doing something before she finds your Fab account. It makes things very complicated & I know this from personal experience.
Good luck"
Thanks for your advice xx it means a lot x so glad it worked out for you |
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"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?
It's not that simple.
Do you love her?
Have you tried talking or looking at counselling?
Why no sex? (I've had guys trying to get sympathy for this when in actual fact, she has cancer, so it does have a bearing in my opinion).
If you're both miserable, you owe it to each other to find a way to ensure that the rest of your lives can be happy. It's a horrible decision to make, but based on your bullet points, it sounds as if neither of you are being brave enough to do what needs doing.
It's hard in the early days, but if you split, you can both heal, be fantastic parents & live happier lives.
Just keep it civil & don't be a dick- cheating on her will potentially explode this wide open & make it extremely difficult to resolve peacefully. "
She might cheat on him..... |
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"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?"
Consult a solicitor before you do anything, so you know exactly what you may be letting yourself in for re assets, kids etc.
Get off the fuck site as well and do counselling if you havent already, its not fair on her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Fella, there's no way i can comment on what you should or shouldn't do. I dont know you, or the full details of your current situation. Or...your wifes side of things.
My only suggestion would be speak to a close friend who knows the full story. Whatever happens, they will be there for you in person. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Fella, there's no way i can comment on what you should or shouldn't do. I dont know you, or the full details of your current situation. Or...your wifes side of things.
My only suggestion would be speak to a close friend who knows the full story. Whatever happens, they will be there for you in person."
That’s a good idea thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From experience . Kids survive divorce . They don’t want to see either of their parents miserable .
I stayed with my ex for years being unbelievably miserable and I did it for my daughter.
That was 2 years ago and she is such a happy girl now.
Just keep it amicable and do the best for your kids ( sounds like you will do just that anyway)
x
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"From experience . Kids survive divorce . They don’t want to see either of their parents miserable .
I stayed with my ex for years being unbelievably miserable and I did it for my daughter.
That was 2 years ago and she is such a happy girl now.
Just keep it amicable and do the best for your kids ( sounds like you will do just that anyway)
x
"
Great advice thanks |
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"From experience . Kids survive divorce . They don’t want to see either of their parents miserable .
I stayed with my ex for years being unbelievably miserable and I did it for my daughter.
That was 2 years ago and she is such a happy girl now.
Just keep it amicable and do the best for your kids ( sounds like you will do just that anyway)
x
"
All wise words. One thing I would add... When solicitors get involved they will try and make it as long and complex and Stoke up mistrust
(at least mine and hers did). So just be mindful that every penny you piss away on solicitors fees could have gone to your kids. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Why do you make each other miserable ? Do you want / value completely different things now ? Did one of you change ? Or did one of both of you stop making an effort ? Or something else happened ? At least find out what went wrong before deciding it can’t be fixed |
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"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?"
I haven't read all the replies so forgive me but maybe you don't want to split?
Your asking so it must still mean something to you,31 year's is a long time to just walk away from.
Talk to her and be honest.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It will cost you a fortune the house gets sold she will have half your pension in every break up the hatred will come that makes it toxic around the children then she will fuck you best mate
Good luck |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"It will cost you a fortune the house gets sold she will have half your pension in every break up the hatred will come that makes it toxic around the children then she will fuck you best mate
Good luck "
Warning heeded ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"From experience . Kids survive divorce . They don’t want to see either of their parents miserable .
I stayed with my ex for years being unbelievably miserable and I did it for my daughter.
That was 2 years ago and she is such a happy girl now.
Just keep it amicable and do the best for your kids ( sounds like you will do just that anyway)
x
All wise words. One thing I would add... When solicitors get involved they will try and make it as long and complex and Stoke up mistrust
(at least mine and hers did). So just be mindful that every penny you piss away on solicitors fees could have gone to your kids. "
 Just agree the details and get the divorce online. Only costs about £600.  |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"From experience . Kids survive divorce . They don’t want to see either of their parents miserable .
I stayed with my ex for years being unbelievably miserable and I did it for my daughter.
That was 2 years ago and she is such a happy girl now.
Just keep it amicable and do the best for your kids ( sounds like you will do just that anyway)
x
All wise words. One thing I would add... When solicitors get involved they will try and make it as long and complex and Stoke up mistrust
(at least mine and hers did). So just be mindful that every penny you piss away on solicitors fees could have gone to your kids.
Just agree the details and get the divorce online. Only costs about £600. "
Bargain! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"From experience . Kids survive divorce . They don’t want to see either of their parents miserable .
I stayed with my ex for years being unbelievably miserable and I did it for my daughter.
That was 2 years ago and she is such a happy girl now.
Just keep it amicable and do the best for your kids ( sounds like you will do just that anyway)
x
All wise words. One thing I would add... When solicitors get involved they will try and make it as long and complex and Stoke up mistrust
(at least mine and hers did). So just be mindful that every penny you piss away on solicitors fees could have gone to your kids.
Just agree the details and get the divorce online. Only costs about £600.
Bargain!"
Also look up financial separation. I can't remember the actual term but you can also sign an agreement as part of the divorce so that you are financially separated.
So if one of you wins the lottery a week after the divorce, the other person can't try and get half. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"From experience . Kids survive divorce . They don’t want to see either of their parents miserable .
I stayed with my ex for years being unbelievably miserable and I did it for my daughter.
That was 2 years ago and she is such a happy girl now.
Just keep it amicable and do the best for your kids ( sounds like you will do just that anyway)
x
All wise words. One thing I would add... When solicitors get involved they will try and make it as long and complex and Stoke up mistrust
(at least mine and hers did). So just be mindful that every penny you piss away on solicitors fees could have gone to your kids.
Just agree the details and get the divorce online. Only costs about £600.
Bargain!
Also look up financial separation. I can't remember the actual term but you can also sign an agreement as part of the divorce so that you are financially separated.
So if one of you wins the lottery a week after the divorce, the other person can't try and get half. "
Great tip !! |
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"Are you prepared for life alone? I'm assuming one of you will need to move, if not both. Your house will need to be sold, assets and joint possessions split. Have you got a plan for life after separation? Does your wife want to divorce, does she know you're thinking of it, if she readily agrees how will you feel?
I'm not saying don't do it, it's the only answer in some cases but you do need to seriously consider your options.
Good luck whatever you decide."
This!
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Divorce is horrendous and not to be taken lightly. Your wife will move on. Look on here for the ratio between men and women. You however may not. Are you ready to see your wife live her life with another man whilst you are single perhaps for another 6 yrs!
My advice, before you do anything. Become the best version of you. Become the Lion, the leader, re-find find your masculine energy. Do things that make you happy. Get fit and healthy. Once you’ve accomplished this goal and you still are considering leaving, then leave. Not before! |
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I was a much better mother as a single mum than I ever was as an unhappy wife. My kids are so glad we split up. But i made a huge effort to be on very good terms with their dad - we had Christmas and thanksgiving together every year.
A good divorce is better than a bad marriage for kids. |
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31 years is a long time, personally I think you need to be speaking to your wife rather than us randoms on fab.
I split with my ex after 23 years and honestly was the best thing we ever did as we are now at least on friendly terms which wasn’t necessarily the case when we were together. Everyone has their own path to walk. Good luck with yours. |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"31 years is a long time, personally I think you need to be speaking to your wife rather than us randoms on fab.
I split with my ex after 23 years and honestly was the best thing we ever did as we are now at least on friendly terms which wasn’t necessarily the case when we were together. Everyone has their own path to walk. Good luck with yours."
Yes I know but it’s useful getting some independent thoughts xx glad it worked out for you xx |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I was a much better mother as a single mum than I ever was as an unhappy wife. My kids are so glad we split up. But i made a huge effort to be on very good terms with their dad - we had Christmas and thanksgiving together every year.
A good divorce is better than a bad marriage for kids."
Good point xx thanks |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
The fact you're on here must answer your question.
You are not honest in your relationship and probably haven't been for a long time.
She deserves to be happy also with someone that has honesty and integrity. You would break her soul apart if she found out you're on here. Have you ever thought that though!
From what you say I'd be asking myself why I'm staying not why I'm leaving.
Maybe it the slippers you know sort of comfort blanket.
The grass isnt very green on the other side even though you probably think it is.
Whatever you decide good luck. X |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"The fact you're on here must answer your question.
You are not honest in your relationship and probably haven't been for a long time.
She deserves to be happy also with someone that has honesty and integrity. You would break her soul apart if she found out you're on here. Have you ever thought that though!
From what you say I'd be asking myself why I'm staying not why I'm leaving.
Maybe it the slippers you know sort of comfort blanket.
The grass isnt very green on the other side even though you probably think it is.
Whatever you decide good luck. X"
I understand your view point and thanks for the advice xx |
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As far as I'm concerned through personal experience of unhappy parents and the PTSD that went with it (totally toxic environment) kids need happy parents and a good example, not parents that make each other miserable. I don't believe staying for the kids is a reason, kids learn what relationships are and should be from those around them, are you both promoting a happy stable relationship you'd like your kids to be in when they are older??
Mrs |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"As far as I'm concerned through personal experience of unhappy parents and the PTSD that went with it (totally toxic environment) kids need happy parents and a good example, not parents that make each other miserable. I don't believe staying for the kids is a reason, kids learn what relationships are and should be from those around them, are you both promoting a happy stable relationship you'd like your kids to be in when they are older??
Mrs "
I guess we both try to avoid conflict at home and consequently the topic avoids being discussed xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Married 31 years
No sex for 6 years
Make each other miserable
Kids teens or older
Should I split ?"
Tbh ,not the place to discuss such a serious thing but hey knock yourself out if you want to .( Am NOT being judgemental here .. absolutely NOT but lmho such a serious thing isn't open for discussion with total strangers on the internet ) |
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"From experience . Kids survive divorce . They don’t want to see either of their parents miserable .
I stayed with my ex for years being unbelievably miserable and I did it for my daughter.
That was 2 years ago and she is such a happy girl now.
Just keep it amicable and do the best for your kids ( sounds like you will do just that anyway)
x
All wise words. One thing I would add... When solicitors get involved they will try and make it as long and complex and Stoke up mistrust
(at least mine and hers did). So just be mindful that every penny you piss away on solicitors fees could have gone to your kids.
Just agree the details and get the divorce online. Only costs about £600. "
Great if you can do that. And 100% recommend keeping solicitors to a minimum. VIf you can only communicate via solicitors letter.... And she's non cooperative it's more expensive |
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Marage guidance first chat through someone independent. And if they offer mediation take it it could mean they set out the basics befor going to court. Leaving more in both your pockets.
But don't do anything rach think long and hard.
Pm if you want a bit more info been there and lost the lot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was unhappily married, with one child at the time. I knew the relationship wasn't healthy and suggested relationship counselling. I was told if I thought we needed that we may as well get a divorce. I wanted to make the marriage work, but after the second child it became very obvious nothing I did would be enough and I left him. Best thing I did. There was no-one else involved and in my pre-fab days.
Personally, I think if one person is that unhappy, it's unlikely that the relationship can be salvaged. Others may have different views.
Only you know the details of your relationship and how she is likely to respond to counselling, mediation, separation or any of the other options available.
I hope you find a solution.
|
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Marage guidance first chat through someone independent. And if they offer mediation take it it could mean they set out the basics befor going to court. Leaving more in both your pockets.
But don't do anything rach think long and hard.
Pm if you want a bit more info been there and lost the lot."
Thanks |
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By *ames5169 OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I was unhappily married, with one child at the time. I knew the relationship wasn't healthy and suggested relationship counselling. I was told if I thought we needed that we may as well get a divorce. I wanted to make the marriage work, but after the second child it became very obvious nothing I did would be enough and I left him. Best thing I did. There was no-one else involved and in my pre-fab days.
Personally, I think if one person is that unhappy, it's unlikely that the relationship can be salvaged. Others may have different views.
Only you know the details of your relationship and how she is likely to respond to counselling, mediation, separation or any of the other options available.
I hope you find a solution.
"
Thank you |
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