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Work colleague fight
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
This might not be best place for ideas but here goes lol.
A guy I worked with flipped with me Friday over nothing. He admitted he saw "red mist" and flipped out (think basically got alot of work atm and he can't cope) soon as he got angry I said sorry right away if anything I said has caused offence.
Half our later my manager comes to get me saying my colleague wants to talk to me. In a weird way he said sorry but at the same time blaming me for getting angry even though I was actually helping him with the work.
Im meant to keep helping him next week but now I feel I dont want too and sod him |
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
"I could be wrong but I think you'll probably do better in the morning for advice.
It's not great when work is well ...hard work!
Why did they need your manager to be there in order to apologise?"
No idea.
I wasn't going to make a meal of it or even mention it.
My manager just randomly came up to me said my colleague wanted to talk and wouldn't leave so no idea really lol. The apology was more awkward than the argument |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That sounds difficult and I empathise. When things like this happen for me at work, I tend to feel uncomfortable until they’re resolved.
I’m a little confused though, why did you apologise at the point when he flipped out, prior to the more formal apology your colleague made with your manager there? Do you think you did say something to warrant some anger from your colleague? |
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I would be very wary of someone who gets angry with you then implies that you made them angry unless his anger was justified in some way eg you endangered him or yourself.
He spoke to you with your manager present either because he thought you might report him or he wanted a witness |
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
Well basically I work for a lorry company and lots of pallets of deliveries came in that needed to be sorted.
Lots were coming in and he was getting angry and was saying he was gonna complain/say something to the manger then the manager was in the warehouse and I said oh he is down there if you want him and then he flipped starting with "I advise you to keep your mouth shut" and it went on from there.
I said sorry if I said something that caused offence as a reflex because I have no intention of trying to wind someone up. Though he got angrier said dont bother saying your sorry and let it rip.
He did get quite aggressive even stormed out the building so in hindsight maybe your right maybe he did want a manger there as a witness and for fear that I would of reported him |
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"I could be wrong but I think you'll probably do better in the morning for advice.
It's not great when work is well ...hard work!
Why did they need your manager to be there in order to apologise?
No idea.
I wasn't going to make a meal of it or even mention it.
My manager just randomly came up to me said my colleague wanted to talk and wouldn't leave so no idea really lol. The apology was more awkward than the argument "
I can imagine! |
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"Well basically I work for a lorry company and lots of pallets of deliveries came in that needed to be sorted.
Lots were coming in and he was getting angry and was saying he was gonna complain/say something to the manger then the manager was in the warehouse and I said oh he is down there if you want him and then he flipped starting with "I advise you to keep your mouth shut" and it went on from there.
I said sorry if I said something that caused offence as a reflex because I have no intention of trying to wind someone up. Though he got angrier said dont bother saying your sorry and let it rip.
He did get quite aggressive even stormed out the building so in hindsight maybe your right maybe he did want a manger there as a witness and for fear that I would of reported him"
So he thought you were being sarcastic maybe.
Sounds like it's not in their natur to be hostile but was obviously having a bad day.
Maybe they don't like confirmation and that's why felt they needed a manger.
Maybe they thought that you were going to speak out if turn against them.
Shame they felt they couldn't have come directly to you.
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Five years ago in a warehouse situation like this a member of staff was being particularly disruptive and very vocal about what others were doing or not doing in comparison to him.
As his line manager I spoke to him a few times and asked him to calm down and get on with his work.
Around lunchtime he launched a verbal tirade at me and what he saw as my failings as a manager. This was not a conversation between two people but shouted across the warehouse.
When I approached him again he headbutted me without warning.
We had previous history because I taken disciplinary action against him the week before when he verbally assaulted a female member of staff and made numerous inappropriate comments to her and about her to others.
After assaulting me he immediately left and returned a short while later with a letter claiming mental health issues and as such no further action could be taken at that point.
I, however was suspended pending a gross misconduct charge because we had grappled and I restrained him after his assault. No punches were thrown by either of us.
The charge was lifted the same day when the MD intervened and I returned to work.
The culprit returned months later when he was given other duties well away from all other staff and within 2 weeks was dismissed when he was caught on CCTV stealing goods and also for taking extended breaks.
In almost 40 years in the workforce that was only the second disagreement I'd ever had with a colleague and the first to turn violent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Something I've learnt about angry people, they often deflect to it being the other person's fault because it's better that than accept their own issues. People like this it's hard to find resolution and the apologies aren't genuine. I'm guessing having the manager there was a way of covering their own backs. But then again, we are only seeing the story from your narrative so it's hard to advise. There's also a possibility he did just lose his shit if it hasn't happened before. When people are already on the edge, anything can push them over it and that's not excusing their behaviour it's just understanding it.
Either way, when you are at work you have to be an adult about these things. You can make yourself clear you won't be spoken to like that but don't be childish and refuse to help him ever again. I've told many people at work what I think but we still continue to coexist as colleagues. |
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If your role is to assist others in the warehouse then I'd say don't now stop assisting him, however if it was just you being friendly and trying to help as he seemed to be having a hard time, I'd leave him to his own devices now.
I do think he went to the manager to cover himself thinking you might say something, and the best way to avoid a repeat or escalation is to just get on with your job and let him get on with his. |
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Too much time is spent trying to stop angry people from becoming angry. I don't know the full story here obviously but on the face of it be just flipped after an innocent remark. This makes people wary of you and is often intentional and designed to do just that so in future you try to placate them or avoid confronting unacceptable behaviour. If he behaves in such a way again and you've done nothing but make an innocent remark wait until he's stopped having his little paddy and explain calmly that you don't respond to anger or aggression and a repeat will need to be dealt with 'on the record '. |
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
"Have they been confrontational before, with anyone else?"
They have once that I have seen with someone else yes.
Has also said that if they were younger (this guy is 60) he would of been fired because he would of said things to managers |
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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
Sounds to me like the manager got wind of what went on and told him he had to apologise to you, not him volunteering to apologise, so the manager stayed to see oversee things. I’d say carry on your job, stay polite, stay friendly and don’t apologise if you have done nothing wrong it will be seen as a sign of weakness, just offer your help and carry on. |
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"Have they been confrontational before, with anyone else?
They have once that I have seen with someone else yes.
Has also said that if they were younger (this guy is 60) he would of been fired because he would of said things to managers"
She doesn't excuse unacceptable behaviour |
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
Thanking you all for the advice here.
I agree with earlier comment that this is just my side and he might sat something different lol.
It's kind of my job to help him which I've been doing for the last 6 months where we used to have quite a laugh. I will obviously still help but dont think I will be as chatty anymore.
Suppose see what he is like with me tomorrow |
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"Thanking you all for the advice here.
I agree with earlier comment that this is just my side and he might sat something different lol.
It's kind of my job to help him which I've been doing for the last 6 months where we used to have quite a laugh. I will obviously still help but dont think I will be as chatty anymore.
Suppose see what he is like with me tomorrow "
So he's got you wary of him.
I used to work with a woman who was miserable and aggressive for about two hours every morning. People used to excuse her saying "on that's just how she is" and leave her alone. This meant that even though she was a manager she got two hours every day to just quietly get on with stuff while other managers did what they were supposed to do and fielded queries while doing other things. Anger and aggression often has manipulation at its root |
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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
"Thanking you all for the advice here.
I agree with earlier comment that this is just my side and he might sat something different lol.
It's kind of my job to help him which I've been doing for the last 6 months where we used to have quite a laugh. I will obviously still help but dont think I will be as chatty anymore.
Suppose see what he is like with me tomorrow "
Good luck, I always preferred to work with guys to be honest as you could be open and honest, any disagreements that happened were sorted there and then and it was forgotten no grudge held, normal service resumes like nothing happened. |
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My favourite line at work is “you wouldn’t talk to me like that outside of work so don’t do it inside of work”.
It’s not aggressive or threatening but at the same time it is. I’ve said it to colleagues, team leaders and supervisors and it always has the desired effect. |
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
"Thanking you all for the advice here.
I agree with earlier comment that this is just my side and he might sat something different lol.
It's kind of my job to help him which I've been doing for the last 6 months where we used to have quite a laugh. I will obviously still help but dont think I will be as chatty anymore.
Suppose see what he is like with me tomorrow
So he's got you wary of him.
I used to work with a woman who was miserable and aggressive for about two hours every morning. People used to excuse her saying "on that's just how she is" and leave her alone. This meant that even though she was a manager she got two hours every day to just quietly get on with stuff while other managers did what they were supposed to do and fielded queries while doing other things. Anger and aggression often has manipulation at its root"
Well in the fact of I will no longer be pally and jokey anymore with fear of him kicking off again lol.
(Dont get me wrong I dont fear violence as well he is 60 lol but im one of those nieve people who would just hope and rather everyone gets alone) |
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
"My favourite line at work is “you wouldn’t talk to me like that outside of work so don’t do it inside of work”.
It’s not aggressive or threatening but at the same time it is. I’ve said it to colleagues, team leaders and supervisors and it always has the desired effect."
I like that one lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was a service engineer (gas engineer) I had a colleague who used to cherry pick his work and the rest of us used to have to pick up the pieces. Now, this meant customers would be let down because said colleague would misinform the customer that the booking agent hadn't order the right parts (total lies) or that there has been a misdiagnosis (another lie). These jobs would then be rebooked and myself or a colleague would go back with the "right part" only to find it didn't need a part at all. This colleague just didn't want to do the job as it was slightly arkward. Now, you may ask that why wasn't he assigned to go back to the job. What he used to do was he'd rebook the job on a day he wasn't working or a Saturday he wasn't working so he knew it wouldn't be assigned to him.
A few of us started picking up trends and after speaking to customers we found out what he was up to so I once sort of said "look pal, you're going to have to start doing these arkward jobs because we're all getting lumbered with your work you've knocked back" there was no tone in my voice and I made sure people were around when I said it as this colleague has put grievances in against people for ridiculous reasons. Well, after I said this he blew his lid, he went berserk, "what the fuck do you mean I'm knocking jobs back? What's your fucking problem? If anyone has an issue with me come say it to my face (OK mate, I just did and you're now losing your shit). I'll do what the fuck I like!"
I didn't react and left him to it. Of course, him being who he was, he complained to our boss. Now my boss was very intune with what was going on and where it was happening. So he listened to said colleagues gripes with me (afterwhich he started moaning about the other engineers). My boss had already printed out his performance to date and his success rates on repairs etc. My boss must have played it out like "yes I understand you feel ganged up on, but these are your figures and these is his figures. You shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house" my boss left it like that. Said colleague handed in his 4 week notice a week later but after that never returned to work.
Some people are the issue but make it look like the others are the problem. |
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
Yea I've noticed that.
In my case he is struggling to do my old job because of the quantity of it but because he has flat out said he doesn't want to do another job (in the department) my boss won't move him onto something easier |
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"Yea I've noticed that.
In my case he is struggling to do my old job because of the quantity of it but because he has flat out said he doesn't want to do another job (in the department) my boss won't move him onto something easier"
Who's in charge, this guy or the boss?
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"This might not be best place for ideas but here goes lol.
A guy I worked with flipped with me Friday over nothing. He admitted he saw "red mist" and flipped out (think basically got alot of work atm and he can't cope) soon as he got angry I said sorry right away if anything I said has caused offence.
Half our later my manager comes to get me saying my colleague wants to talk to me. In a weird way he said sorry but at the same time blaming me for getting angry even though I was actually helping him with the work.
Im meant to keep helping him next week but now I feel I dont want too and sod him"
. Does your work place offer work mediation or do you and your colleague not feel it necessary at this stage. |
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Nobody flips over nothing.
He seems stressed.
You say lots of pallets were coming in and he was frustrated/angry although that's not your fault you could have just clocked he was struggling and just helped without any wisecracks.
It was then attempted to sort things with you by a man to man adult talk.
Let's hope it works for both of you and something is learned from what happened. |
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
"Nobody flips over nothing.
He seems stressed.
You say lots of pallets were coming in and he was frustrated/angry although that's not your fault you could have just clocked he was struggling and just helped without any wisecracks.
It was then attempted to sort things with you by a man to man adult talk.
Let's hope it works for both of you and something is learned from what happened. "
I dont know if what I said would be a wise crack. Specially as he said he wanted to speak to the manger and all I said was he is down by there but you are right I shouldn't have said even that |
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"Follow up us. He said sorry to me again first thing this morning and been ok so far but still a tad weary"
Good for you two .... xxx and especially you
You are right to be wary. We can't always help how others feel but we should be able to read signs as adults and not fuck about.... cos the stressed can't take it |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
Actually it’s about damn time people stopped trying not to hurt other peoples feelings!
I don’t mean that you should deliberately try to upset people, but if you inadvertently upset someone that’s their issue not yours!
We are not responsible for other peoples emotions!!!! |
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"Actually it’s about damn time people stopped trying not to hurt other peoples feelings!
I don’t mean that you should deliberately try to upset people, but if you inadvertently upset someone that’s their issue not yours!
We are not responsible for other peoples emotions!!!!"
I kind of agree with this. It's good to recognise that someone is having a tough time and make allowances for that but we simply can't be worried about every innocent remark we make.
I witnessed a spectacular display of anger once precipitated by someone's innocent remark about vets. It turned out the angry persons partner was a vet and there were issues. Nobody could have known that. |
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"Actually it’s about damn time people stopped trying not to hurt other peoples feelings!
I don’t mean that you should deliberately try to upset people, but if you inadvertently upset someone that’s their issue not yours!
We are not responsible for other peoples emotions!!!!"
I always used to say this and still hold with it to a degree BUT there are times when we should be able to see that someone is already anxious and have the empathy to only say something if it HAS to be said ..... not simply because we want to exercise a self given right |
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"Actually it’s about damn time people stopped trying not to hurt other peoples feelings!
I don’t mean that you should deliberately try to upset people, but if you inadvertently upset someone that’s their issue not yours!
We are not responsible for other peoples emotions!!!!
I kind of agree with this. It's good to recognise that someone is having a tough time and make allowances for that but we simply can't be worried about every innocent remark we make.
I witnessed a spectacular display of anger once precipitated by someone's innocent remark about vets. It turned out the angry persons partner was a vet and there were issues. Nobody could have known that."
Oh please...... all the objector achieves is me thinking they are an angry sod with no ability to put forward their argument in a non aggressive manner. The eternally ' offended' fooking offend me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Follow up us. He said sorry to me again first thing this morning and been ok so far but still a tad weary"
That’s great news OP. I genuinely did wonder how you’d got on today  |
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By *vd1987 OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
"Follow up us. He said sorry to me again first thing this morning and been ok so far but still a tad weary
That’s great news OP. I genuinely did wonder how you’d got on today "
Thank you much! |
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