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Dad Jokes part 1

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet ?

Because they lac toes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?

Everybody .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey. But I turned myself around

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By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Carlisle

I went to the opticians the other day - i said 2 pounds of bacon and 8 sausages please - she said take a seat!!!

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By *cottishVikingBearMan over a year ago

N. London

I walked into a new bar yesterday.

It hurt. Who put that there?

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By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

What kind of B's produce milk?

BOObies!

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By *apperMystiqueMan over a year ago

east Glasgow

What goes green - red ??? A frog in a liquidiser .. boom boom

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By *r_North-EastMan over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I used a rectal thermometer because I was told they are more accurate,

But it sure tastes worse!

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By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Carlisle

My step dad loved to take me deep sea fishing… the hardest part was swimming 12 miles back to shore after escaping from the sack…

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By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Carlisle

I lost my rectal thermometer… some arsehole must have my pen!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I used a rectal thermometer because I was told they are more accurate,

But it sure tastes worse!"

Fun fact.....all Johnson & Johnson rectal thermometers are individually tested before they leave the factory

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

The ultimate dad joke is "Don't listen to your mum: I'm in charge"

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"What kind of B's produce milk?

BOObies! "
B cups too!

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By *r_North-EastMan over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"I used a rectal thermometer because I was told they are more accurate,

But it sure tastes worse!

Fun fact.....all Johnson & Johnson rectal thermometers are individually tested before they leave the factory "

And that’s me never buying one of those.

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By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Carlisle

I took my snub nosed spiny backed terrier I bought off the internet to the vet because it kept biting me… it attacked him and he kept screaming radiator radiator… only when we got it off him .. we laughed he was saying alligator alligator!!!

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By *r_North-EastMan over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Whenever my wife is upset I let her colour in my black and white tattoos.

Sometimes she needs a shoulder to crayon.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the fresh prints.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"I took my snub nosed spiny backed terrier I bought off the internet to the vet because it kept biting me… it attacked him and he kept screaming radiator radiator… only when we got it off him .. we laughed he was saying alligator alligator!!! "

Kamen, you can do better than that!

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the fresh prints."

Easier when is one of the men in black!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If it’s raining cats and dogs, be careful not to step in a poodle.

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