FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I’m too old.
I’m too old.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And I don’t feel it. Wtf??
I’m ready to date, I either need to find a sex knife or love life, I miss the intimacy of someone, the conversation with another person and the touching each other and all that nice stuff in between.
I looked at speed dating as I reckon that’s the most fun to try, and the age cap seems to be younger than me.  so I have to reside to the clinical matching game of some website. Because on paper it doesn’t always work, does it?
I want to see someone’s personality, their mannerisms and listen to their voice and sense of humour when they talk.
Rather than work through a list of possible candidates and then try to arrange interviews…sorry, Dates.
How would you get find a date if this was you? Are you in the DATING GAME? how is it going? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dating candidates are just tick boxes. Write some shite, pick one object from a list. Take it out, fuck it, rate it, repeat.
Anything that involves human interaction or using your own brain is banned and frowned upon. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ve got a sex knife. I keep it hung up in the loft to remind the victims who’s boss around here.
The mr "
You call that a knife? [*pulls out my big one!] THIS is a knife!!
*in my best Australian accent. |
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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago
Fabville |
"I’ve got a sex knife. I keep it hung up in the loft to remind the victims who’s boss around here.
The mr
You call that a knife? [*pulls out my big one!] THIS is a knife!!
*in my best Australian accent. "
A classic!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just go out and meet someone, join a club badminton, tennis or a walking club or a dance club think of something you enjoy join that club, meet real people  "
Yoga classes.  the problem is, I’m joining those places to literally try to meet a possible date! It’s like joining fab and trying to meet a FWB. The chances feel very very slim. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just go out and meet someone, join a club badminton, tennis or a walking club or a dance club think of something you enjoy join that club, meet real people "
Then post about it on Insta, Facebook and Snap. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve got a sex knife. I keep it hung up in the loft to remind the victims who’s boss around here.
The mr
You call that a knife? [*pulls out my big one!] THIS is a knife!!
*in my best Australian accent. "
Strewth |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve got a sex knife. I keep it hung up in the loft to remind the victims who’s boss around here.
The mr
You call that a knife? [*pulls out my big one!] THIS is a knife!!
*in my best Australian accent. "
Is it a shit saw? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ve got a sex knife. I keep it hung up in the loft to remind the victims who’s boss around here.
The mr
You call that a knife? [*pulls out my big one!] THIS is a knife!!
*in my best Australian accent.
A classic! "
Do you remember how he used to tell the time holding his hat to the sun. !! I did that to my youngest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But dating? Hell no.
If I don't accidentally bump into a Ryan Reynolds lookalike in the middle of Tesco and he instantly falls madly in love with me, I'll just stay single. |
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By *red333Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Just go out and meet someone, join a club badminton, tennis or a walking club or a dance club think of something you enjoy join that club, meet real people
Then post about it on Insta, Facebook and Snap. "
lol don't post it anywhere just enjoy the people you meet....... Technology....... Who needs it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just go out and meet someone, join a club badminton, tennis or a walking club or a dance club think of something you enjoy join that club, meet real people
Then post about it on Insta, Facebook and Snap. lol don't post it anywhere just enjoy the people you meet....... Technology....... Who needs it "
So I shouldn’t join a Supercar enthusiast club and post photos each week sat in the drivers seats? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But dating? Hell no.
If I don't accidentally bump into a Ryan Reynolds lookalike in the middle of Tesco and he instantly falls madly in love with me, I'll just stay single. "
Singles mingle!!! Or so I heard.  |
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By *red333Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Just go out and meet someone, join a club badminton, tennis or a walking club or a dance club think of something you enjoy join that club, meet real people
Then post about it on Insta, Facebook and Snap. lol don't post it anywhere just enjoy the people you meet....... Technology....... Who needs it
So I shouldn’t join a Supercar enthusiast club and post photos each week sat in the drivers seats? "
lol well OK yes that's an exception |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But dating? Hell no.
If I don't accidentally bump into a Ryan Reynolds lookalike in the middle of Tesco and he instantly falls madly in love with me, I'll just stay single.
Singles mingle!!! Or so I heard. "
No. People annoy me. |
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By *rettyflamingoCouple
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
Oh blimey it’s tough out there OP.
I have been on a few dating sites and everyone is either very beige or just dull as dish water!
I’m rather tired of the whole introduction thing now at the first date, very tedious. I have given up now and reverted attentions back to here on fab. I know where I stand here.
Miss intimacy too, very much, miss that connection with someone, but I’m not going to try too hard now to find someone. I’ve been hurt and as one person said to me, my walls are up to the moon!
Good luck OP Singledom can be very lonely x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But dating? Hell no.
If I don't accidentally bump into a Ryan Reynolds lookalike in the middle of Tesco and he instantly falls madly in love with me, I'll just stay single.
Singles mingle!!! Or so I heard.
No. People annoy me. "
People can annoy me. A PERSON can be interesting/attractive/amusing etc  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel your pain OP though I’ve given up on dating. After so long alone I just don’t know how to do it and I’m unsure as to what I can offer. ‘Thunderbolt city’ might happen but the chances are so remote it’s not worth thinking about. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh blimey it’s tough out there OP.
I have been on a few dating sites and everyone is either very beige or just dull as dish water!
I’m rather tired of the whole introduction thing now at the first date, very tedious. I have given up now and reverted attentions back to here on fab. I know where I stand here.
Miss intimacy too, very much, miss that connection with someone, but I’m not going to try too hard now to find someone. I’ve been hurt and as one person said to me, my walls are up to the moon!
Good luck OP Singledom can be very lonely x"
You don’t start with the soft toich do you? TOUGH OUT THERE!!!
I think I’m just admitting to myself my walls are coming down, and ready to let someone meet me. If that makes sense? When your walks are up, you hide lots of your personality and try to be the most unattractive person in the room I suppose.
Maybe fab needs a sister dating site.
I’m not trying too hard either your more likely to go wrong that way. Natural attraction is more my thing. |
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Personally I would do it the old fashioned way. Online dating wasn’t really a thing when I was last single so I’d prefer to just out and socialise, get to know someone properly. I hear far too many horror stories from online dating. |
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By *rettyflamingoCouple
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"Oh blimey it’s tough out there OP.
I have been on a few dating sites and everyone is either very beige or just dull as dish water!
I’m rather tired of the whole introduction thing now at the first date, very tedious. I have given up now and reverted attentions back to here on fab. I know where I stand here.
Miss intimacy too, very much, miss that connection with someone, but I’m not going to try too hard now to find someone. I’ve been hurt and as one person said to me, my walls are up to the moon!
Good luck OP Singledom can be very lonely x
You don’t start with the soft toich do you? TOUGH OUT THERE!!!
I think I’m just admitting to myself my walls are coming down, and ready to let someone meet me. If that makes sense? When your walks are up, you hide lots of your personality and try to be the most unattractive person in the room I suppose.
Maybe fab needs a sister dating site.
I’m not trying too hard either your more likely to go wrong that way. Natural attraction is more my thing. "
I think could do with a dating section for sure. I’ve only ever tried to be myself whilst going on dates and I’m a very honest person. Yes my walls are up and that’s the problem for me.
Your right that natural attraction is the best way. There’s someone out there for everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Personally I would do it the old fashioned way. Online dating wasn’t really a thing when I was last single so I’d prefer to just out and socialise, get to know someone properly. I hear far too many horror stories from online dating."
You sound exactly like me. I ask you this! Do you have friends that could go out to a bar where possibly other single women have thought the same as me. We all are single and open to meet and get chatted up? You know, the good old days! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you (Woody, Flamingo, etc) want from an ideal couple relationship?
Would you have things in common that you do together? Or freedom to do your own stuff and cuddle on the sofa chatting about it afterwards.
Are you actually dreaming of 'what could have been' from a past relationship?
Would you travel to the right person?
Have you asked your friends/ colleagues if they know anyone who might match with you.
Like Macky said, meeting people in real life is so much better. But you need to be in multiple situations to raise the chances.
Think about what you can offer that person, not just what you are looking for.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I'm ever single, I'll just marry my dog. Couldn't be arsed with the dating scene."
So you’ll clean up after it. Feed it each day and let it sleep in the same bed as you with light actually knowing what it says …. So just like having a man live with you then?
*you can all have that one! |
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"Personally I would do it the old fashioned way. Online dating wasn’t really a thing when I was last single so I’d prefer to just out and socialise, get to know someone properly. I hear far too many horror stories from online dating.
You sound exactly like me. I ask you this! Do you have friends that could go out to a bar where possibly other single women have thought the same as me. We all are single and open to meet and get chatted up? You know, the good old days! "
I’m quite lucky that I have 2 groups of friends who are into completely different things so I would have options if I ever found myself in that situation. I’m not too sure about the chatting up bit because the world has changed so it’s not always acceptable. I think I’d try and go for the more natural approach of just making friends and seeing what happens. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What do you (Woody, Flamingo, etc) want from an ideal couple relationship?
Would you have things in common that you do together? Or freedom to do your own stuff and cuddle on the sofa chatting about it afterwards. "
Yes. All that
"
Are you actually dreaming of 'what could have been' from a past relationship? "
No. That was then, a new relationship is always different
"
Would you travel to the right person? "
yes
"
Have you asked your friends/ colleagues if they know anyone who might match with you. "
no, and I reject the idea of Diane the cat woman that was mentioned
"
…..
Think about what you can offer that person, not just what you are looking for.
"
And that’s it isn’t it. I can really like someone, but withought spending time and getting to know someone, how will they ever get to know what I ‘offer’. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
You have to learn to enjoy dates. It’s the only way, it’s all smoke and mirrors until you physically meet and talk.
Make sure you your profile reflects this and the right types of people will begin to contact you.
Probably worth cutting out all the nonsense & distractions , fabs, forum games, veris etc and just focus on finding your dates and giving them your focus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What do you (Woody, Flamingo, etc) want from an ideal couple relationship?
Would you have things in common that you do together? Or freedom to do your own stuff and cuddle on the sofa chatting about it afterwards.
Yes. All that
Are you actually dreaming of 'what could have been' from a past relationship?
No. That was then, a new relationship is always different
Would you travel to the right person? yes
Have you asked your friends/ colleagues if they know anyone who might match with you. no, and I reject the idea of Diane the cat woman that was mentioned
…..
Think about what you can offer that person, not just what you are looking for.
** And that’s it isn’t it. I can really like someone, but withought spending time and getting to know someone, how will they ever get to know what I ‘offer’. **"
** Yeah so this is why I think meeting people in real life is so much better. Why so many meet at work. Spending time together in real life situations.
But if it's a 'forced' situation like a social it's not the same.
Go to comedy nights. Work in a charity shop. Take dance or cookery classes. Take an ugly friend to gigs so the women can see you interacting, not just stood in a corner alone.
Give Diane my number. |
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When I was ready to date I just went about my everyday life as normal but with the added edge of seeing people as possible partners. I found him in a xoffee shop, got chatting, that led to a dinner date and the rest is history. He also introduced me to swinging so an added bonus. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I was ready to date I just went about my everyday life as normal but with the added edge of seeing people as possible partners. I found him in a xoffee shop, got chatting, that led to a dinner date and the rest is history. He also introduced me to swinging so an added bonus."
I go to coffee shops.
*ticks box -must enjoy coffee |
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The best way yo meet people is to enjoy a full and active life yourself. If you fill your free time enjoying the things you love doing, you'll eventually meet someone you click with and take it from there.
The last place you want to be looking for a date is on-line. On-line life is just a distraction from reality. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The best way yo meet people is to enjoy a full and active life yourself. If you fill your free time enjoying the things you love doing, you'll eventually meet someone you click with and take it from there.
The last place you want to be looking for a date is on-line. On-line life is just a distraction from reality."
I choose the red pill.  |
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I have recently rejoined a couple of dating apps, for similar reasons as you said. I’ve been single for 6 years and really miss the real connection with someone (I also don’t have a sex knife).
It’s brutal out there! I forgot how brutal it can be. I’m going to give it a month or so and start going out more, maybe join some local clubs and groups. I’m old fashioned so online dating really doesn’t work for me.
I wish you and everyone in similar situation all the best x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm very sceptical about even attempting to meet anyone for dating using online sites. I know that sounds a bit of an odd thing to say on fab, but when I'm looking to date I'm looking for something different. I've been on "dating" apps and honestly I scroll through the profiles and they are all sooo samey. They fall into 3 categories in my mind. 1. The perfectly perfect with moviestar life and the photos are out of this world, multiple locations/ adventures, one wonders how they would find time to fit you in - you can't touch this! (probably Derek living in a bedsit with tin of beans for company), 2. The can't be arsed - minimal pic either as part of a group or so unfocused that you have to really squint, and little to no write up. These guys are really just wasting their time! 3. (And this is my favourite category) the shouldn't be allowed outs! These guys are just wrong. I'm leaving that there.
Conclusion: no one you'd want to meet actually uses dating apps. As you get older the pool is much smaller. Get into the real world as much as possible and my final piece of advice would be stop looking! Seriously. There is nothing more off- putting than someone who is obviously looking for love.
As for me? I'm open to dating but having just moved to a new area I'll be looking to find local groups/ clubs etc that match my interests and I'll take it from there. What will be, will be. Good luck op. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm very sceptical about even attempting to meet anyone for dating using online sites. I know that sounds a bit of an odd thing to say on fab, but when I'm looking to date I'm looking for something different. I've been on "dating" apps and honestly I scroll through the profiles and they are all sooo samey. "
I tried a dating app ages ago, and even though it wasn’t the right time for me, I wouldn’t try that again. Just horrible. I honestly value people a lot more than a profile.
I agree, Good luck to anyone who has a proper date in the future !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m the same as you Woody, I’m ready to date but I can’t be arsed with dating apps, I’ve deleted them all
I just use this site now but most men just want a quickie . Dating is a tough game to play these days |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And I don’t feel it. Wtf??
I’m ready to date, I either need to find a sex knife or love life, I miss the intimacy of someone, the conversation with another person and the touching each other and all that nice stuff in between.
I looked at speed dating as I reckon that’s the most fun to try, and the age cap seems to be younger than me. so I have to reside to the clinical matching game of some website. Because on paper it doesn’t always work, does it?
I want to see someone’s personality, their mannerisms and listen to their voice and sense of humour when they talk.
Rather than work through a list of possible candidates and then try to arrange interviews…sorry, Dates.
How would you get find a date if this was you? Are you in the DATING GAME? how is it going? "
I think this is a really lovely post, and I wish you all the luck in the world. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Hey Woody
Don't approach it as a game. Whether that's numbers or anything else - you deserve more than that and so do the people you're potentially dating.
You've got to be confident in who you are, what you have to offer but more importantly what you want - take some time to reflect on that and then reflect that in any profiles you have.
Relax and enjoy it is the most important thing - you might be looking for love or a more intimate connection but why not enjoy it? Broaden your social connections; join a yoga class, the gym, anything that you enjoy, heck it could be a facebook group. Talk to people, suggest a meal or coffee or anything really. Enjoy the chance to meet someone, without thinking about where it could lead.
In the new year I'll be actively looking to date after a couple of successful ones a few weeks ago. I'm taking the time to work out what I want. I don't think you're too old to date, far from it. But you do need to be feeling it, even if it's just the chance to go on a date and know someone a little better, flirt and enjoy the company. That's how I'm approaching it.
Anyway, this is a mini waffle! I wish you the best of luck Woody, enjoy the adventure of dating. |
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It’s not easy, either find it boring in dating apps, with people not showing their true intentions, or here where people are more direct and say what they want, but not interested in relationships as many are already in one |
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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago
Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel |
I imagine it must be an absolute minefield stepping into the world of dating. Dating apps wouldn't appeal to me but you have to try somewhere. I know a few people who have successfully found life partners on dating sites, my Mum being one of them.
I do think you have to get out into the real world too though, try joining clubs especially aimed at singles, take single holidays, go out with friends to the pub on busy nights. As someone else said, just enjoy life and try not to look too hard, love has a way of finding you when you're not looking.
Whoever on here is looking for love, I genuinely hope you find love.
Ruby |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have noticed that different sites/apps have different feels to them so maybe experiment with a few and see which ones your kind of people are more drawn to. OKC tends to be more poly friendly I've noticed for example, and Feeld also has more alternative people on it. POF has the most. Bumble is quite female friendly because they have to send the first message, etc. See which one works for you.
I've not had any dates that led to a long term relationship but I have made plenty of friends and had some FWB situations develop from the mainstream dating apps so while they can be frustrating they can still lead to good things even if you're not finding anything long-term. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I was ready to date I just went about my everyday life as normal but with the added edge of seeing people as possible partners. I found him in a xoffee shop, got chatting, that led to a dinner date and the rest is history. He also introduced me to swinging so an added bonus."
I love this and I'm going to make a conscious effort to have that edge.
I signed up to 3 dating sites about 2 weeks ago and it's like pulling teeth trying to get more than 3 words from someone. I also did all the joining clubs/classes etc, didn't work so edgy me it is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And I don’t feel it. Wtf??
I’m ready to date, I either need to find a sex knife or love life, I miss the intimacy of someone, the conversation with another person and the touching each other and all that nice stuff in between.
I looked at speed dating as I reckon that’s the most fun to try, and the age cap seems to be younger than me. so I have to reside to the clinical matching game of some website. Because on paper it doesn’t always work, does it?
I want to see someone’s personality, their mannerisms and listen to their voice and sense of humour when they talk.
Rather than work through a list of possible candidates and then try to arrange interviews…sorry, Dates.
How would you get find a date if this was you? Are you in the DATING GAME? how is it going? "
Welcome to my world!! |
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I keep thinking about how much I miss having someone special in my life but then also about how much I usually end up getting hurt.
I'm definitely not getting any younger though and if someone really wins me over I will probably cave but I'm not going to look for them. |
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Dating these days is very hard to navigate.
Unfortunately I feel a single guy is often viewed as a predator in social settings and is treated as such when trying to start conversations let alone show any interest.
I've been single getting on for 5 years and deeply miss the connection, security and intimacy of a relationship, if dating were easier I'd be tempted to try again but the modern way of life is it's almost impossible to approach/chat/dare I say flirt socially for fear of backlash/complaint etc.
Fab is way easier because we are all here for our shared interest in sex which already remives much of that barrier - within reason obviously. |
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Ah, the wonderful world of dating.
I don't want to completely slag off apps because I've met some lovely men from them; we just weren't compatible. The feel of them have definitely changed over the past few years though. |
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"When I was ready to date I just went about my everyday life as normal but with the added edge of seeing people as possible partners. I found him in a xoffee shop, got chatting, that led to a dinner date and the rest is history. He also introduced me to swinging so an added bonus.
I love this and I'm going to make a conscious effort to have that edge.
I signed up to 3 dating sites about 2 weeks ago and it's like pulling teeth trying to get more than 3 words from someone. I also did all the joining clubs/classes etc, didn't work so edgy me it is "
You would be amazed at what/who you notice when your focus changes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I keep thinking about how much I miss having someone special in my life but then also about how much I usually end up getting hurt.
I'm definitely not getting any younger though and if someone really wins me over I will probably cave but I'm not going to look for them. "
Right now, I’m more likely to go looking for my wayward golf balls. And anyone who’s played golf with me knows, I just tee up again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no answers. I would like to meet someone, but utterly reject the whole dating site ethos. I am bored reading peoples bio's and the hard sell of the first message. I dont want to have to sell myself on paper, I would just like someone to know me organically and get to like me and I them. Which then involves being places to meet others, but again I reject the whole dating thing as it just feels like people are clutching at anyone just because they want dates/sex/etc and they are there handily in the dating pool.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have no answers. I would like to meet someone, but utterly reject the whole dating site ethos. I am bored reading peoples bio's and the hard sell of the first message. I dont want to have to sell myself on paper, I would just like someone to know me organically and get to like me and I them. Which then involves being places to meet others, but again I reject the whole dating thing as it just feels like people are clutching at anyone just because they want dates/sex/etc and they are there handily in the dating pool.
"
I agree with this, but putting one in shop window in today's life is difficult...people would rather view social media to decide for them rather than the person asking for a little attention |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, but I refuse to vanilla dating, so filtering through in dating sites is too much work and I can't be bother with that at the moment.
I'm keeping my hopes to find someone in fab/fet and enjoying the blissful single life in the meantime. |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
Might depend on whether Fab fun is part of your relationship... socials/clubs/forum can be a nice place to network...and someone might surprise you!
If not, then it's dropping fab and actually networking in the wider world..similarly, local clubs etc, or just online dating.
Just be prepared to kiss a couple of frogs first. Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have no answers. I would like to meet someone, but utterly reject the whole dating site ethos. I am bored reading peoples bio's and the hard sell of the first message. I dont want to have to sell myself on paper, I would just like someone to know me organically and get to like me and I them. Which then involves being places to meet others, but again I reject the whole dating thing as it just feels like people are clutching at anyone just because they want dates/sex/etc and they are there handily in the dating pool.
I agree with this, but putting one in shop window in today's life is difficult...people would rather view social media to decide for them rather than the person asking for a little attention"
To you both. |
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