 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Feels like it's been a bit heavy on here lately 
Let's see how we can all help each other out...
I need someone to come and do a final clean of my house for Xmas as tbh I really can't be arsed doing it yet again.
In return, I am a dab hand at flat pack and make a mean martini.
What do you need?
What can you offer? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm a slow cleaner, I'm afraid, Ms. Christmas, though thorough. But if anyone needs a poem analysed, or a bedtime story read to them, I'm your chap.
As for what I need...I've been wrapping presents for hours and am so very tired and bored. Any help on that would be deeply appreciated.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm a slow cleaner, I'm afraid, Ms. Christmas, though thorough. But if anyone needs a poem analysed, or a bedtime story read to them, I'm your chap.
As for what I need...I've been wrapping presents for hours and am so very tired and bored. Any help on that would be deeply appreciated. "
I can wrap presents! I've been doing it all night. Not in desperate need of a poem or bedtime story though...hmmmm, can you sing? Play a musical instrument?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a slow cleaner, I'm afraid, Ms. Christmas, though thorough. But if anyone needs a poem analysed, or a bedtime story read to them, I'm your chap.
As for what I need...I've been wrapping presents for hours and am so very tired and bored. Any help on that would be deeply appreciated.
I can wrap presents! I've been doing it all night. Not in desperate need of a poem or bedtime story though...hmmmm, can you sing? Play a musical instrument? "
I can and do both - classical and flamenco guitar, but I've been in bands, too. Are you setting up a very late night gig?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm a slow cleaner, I'm afraid, Ms. Christmas, though thorough. But if anyone needs a poem analysed, or a bedtime story read to them, I'm your chap.
As for what I need...I've been wrapping presents for hours and am so very tired and bored. Any help on that would be deeply appreciated.
I can wrap presents! I've been doing it all night. Not in desperate need of a poem or bedtime story though...hmmmm, can you sing? Play a musical instrument?
I can and do both - classical and flamenco guitar, but I've been in bands, too. Are you setting up a very late night gig? "
Sure, why not?! Everyone bring your unwrapped presents and ironing to mine! Party on |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Sure, why not?! Everyone bring your unwrapped presents and ironing to mine! Party on
The "It's A Wrap" gig is on!
I can cook, too. Shall I start in the kitchen or in your minstrels' gallery?"
My minstrels gallery is about 12ftx12ft and currently has a bike in it...so I'd go kitchen |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Can cook, clean and rap presents. Crap at music but the better half used to be in a local brass band Broad shoulders so could be the roadie "
OK, you're both in 
I feel like we're gonna need some drivers if everyone's heading to mine. And maybe a stripper or two  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *N4funCouple
over a year ago
Manchester |
"Can cook, clean and rap presents. Crap at music but the better half used to be in a local brass band Broad shoulders so could be the roadie
OK, you're both in
I feel like we're gonna need some drivers if everyone's heading to mine. And maybe a stripper or two "
Hope the stripper gives lessons, Mrs says I suck at doing strip tease, to impatient to get my cloths off  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Can cook, clean and rap presents. Crap at music but the better half used to be in a local brass band Broad shoulders so could be the roadie
OK, you're both in
I feel like we're gonna need some drivers if everyone's heading to mine. And maybe a stripper or two
Hope the stripper gives lessons, Mrs says I suck at doing strip tease, to impatient to get my cloths off "
Checked your pics...you guys are in. I never claimed this was a meritocracy  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've just wrapped another four presents. 
This party can't come soon enough. Meanwhile, anyone for salmon blini?"
I'm going to bed now but if you could just wake me up with appetisers and music when you get here that would be lovely, thanks!
Can't wait to see all the new connections that've been made by the time I wake up ! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I've just wrapped another four presents.
This party can't come soon enough. Meanwhile, anyone for salmon blini?
I'm going to bed now but if you could just wake me up with appetisers and music when you get here that would be lovely, thanks!
Can't wait to see all the new connections that've been made by the time I wake up !"
Goodnight, and sleep well. Let me know when you want your alarm call.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Clean the house , then give you a massage after you helping me wrap my presents and ironing my clothes.
By that point hopefully we both will be needing something else from each other |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I've just wrapped another four presents.
This party can't come soon enough. Meanwhile, anyone for salmon blini?
I'm going to bed now but if you could just wake me up with appetisers and music when you get here that would be lovely, thanks!
Can't wait to see all the new connections that've been made by the time I wake up !"
Coffee on the bedside table; breakfast/concert when you are ready.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *piderBunnyCouple
over a year ago
Back of Nowhere and Beyond |
I love wrapping presents, I'm a decent baker and I give excellent snuggles.
And I'm in need of someone to be me for a couple hours so they can go into the out for me and complete my errands and I can stay in and wait for the front door to be fixed.
Thank you
Posh |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I can offer individual gift wrap, sewing, embroidery or crochet in return for sorting our bookshelves by category and author. "
I've finished my wrapping, but this is exactly the sort of task I'd love to do. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *piderBunnyCouple
over a year ago
Back of Nowhere and Beyond |
"I can offer individual gift wrap, sewing, embroidery or crochet in return for sorting our bookshelves by category and author. "
Oooh... would you crochet me a cuddly penis toy? I saw them on etsy the other day and thought they were so cute.
And consider the bookshelves done
Posh |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Feels like it's been a bit heavy on here lately
Let's see how we can all help each other out...
I need someone to come and do a final clean of my house for Xmas as tbh I really can't be arsed doing it yet again.
In return, I am a dab hand at flat pack and make a mean martini.
What do you need?
What can you offer? "
Naked Cleaning
Naked chef
Cooks and washes up after
Adds Security with body cam radios  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've just wrapped another four presents.
This party can't come soon enough. Meanwhile, anyone for salmon blini?
I'm going to bed now but if you could just wake me up with appetisers and music when you get here that would be lovely, thanks!
Can't wait to see all the new connections that've been made by the time I wake up !
Coffee on the bedside table; breakfast/concert when you are ready.
"
I thought I had dreamed Kim Kardashian was delivering my coffee! That pic is funny |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I've just wrapped another four presents.
This party can't come soon enough. Meanwhile, anyone for salmon blini?
I'm going to bed now but if you could just wake me up with appetisers and music when you get here that would be lovely, thanks!
Can't wait to see all the new connections that've been made by the time I wake up !
Coffee on the bedside table; breakfast/concert when you are ready.
I thought I had dreamed Kim Kardashian was delivering my coffee! That pic is funny "
It's a unique room service, certainly.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I can offer individual gift wrap, sewing, embroidery or crochet in return for sorting our bookshelves by category and author.
I've finished my wrapping, but this is exactly the sort of task I'd love to do. "
And the sort of task I really dislike |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I need someone to wrap the presents I bought all neatly and tidily. In return, I can clean and hoover (never miss out the skirting boards) and I can make a mean coffee |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can do an incredible sports massage, kneeding big muscles. I can offer wonderful sexual relief in exchange, as well as some great plant help "
I bagsy that! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I need someone to wrap the presents I bought all neatly and tidily. In return, I can clean and hoover (never miss out the skirting boards) and I can make a mean coffee "
I'll take him.
Thanks |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Feels like it's been a bit heavy on here lately
Let's see how we can all help each other out...
I need someone to come and do a final clean of my house for Xmas as tbh I really can't be arsed doing it yet again.
In return, I am a dab hand at flat pack and make a mean martini.
What do you need?
What can you offer? "
I’ll do it In return for a wank |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a slow cleaner, I'm afraid, Ms. Christmas, though thorough. But if anyone needs a poem analysed, or a bedtime story read to them, I'm your chap.
As for what I need...I've been wrapping presents for hours and am so very tired and bored. Any help on that would be deeply appreciated. "
Oh I used to love wrapping gifts, coordinating papers, ribbons and bits... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m still interested in Mary’s martinis. Mary, how about I do the cooking and you mix the drinks?"
Deal! I just need to give Rex a wee wank first (shouldn't take long) but I'll wash my hands before I sort the drinks out |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I need someone to wrap the presents I bought all neatly and tidily. In return, I can clean and hoover (never miss out the skirting boards) and I can make a mean coffee
I'll take him.
Thanks"
Yay! Do you know how to wrap a piano?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I can offer individual gift wrap, sewing, embroidery or crochet in return for sorting our bookshelves by category and author.
Oooh... would you crochet me a cuddly penis toy? I saw them on etsy the other day and thought they were so cute.
And consider the bookshelves done
Posh "
That's entirely possible |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I can cook, bake, make canapes, make excellent cocktails, do you a chocolate and porter pairing.
DS licenced security officer with cams.
Possibly get one of my sexy security mates to strip for you. He's done a few gigs in the past.
Body piercing, if anyone might like new adornments. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I can cook, bake, make canapes, make excellent cocktails, do you a chocolate and porter pairing.
DS licenced security officer with cams.
Possibly get one of my sexy security mates to strip for you. He's done a few gigs in the past.
Body piercing, if anyone might like new adornments."
Blimey you're very skilled!
I would like a belly button piercing and a chocolate and porter pairing please
I can embroider you something or make you a blanket of some description. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I get my maids outfit then shall I
I can teach you how to walk in 8-9 inch heels "
Please teach me! I look like a penguin in heels. 
I can make you an apple crumble and a quirky handbag.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I’m still interested in Mary’s martinis. Mary, how about I do the cooking and you mix the drinks?"
"Deal! I just need to give Rex a wee wank first (shouldn't take long) but I'll wash my hands before I sort the drinks out "
I can work with avant-garde ingredients, no problem. I’m pretty sure the Internet can provide some salty cocktail recipes … |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *piderBunnyCouple
over a year ago
Back of Nowhere and Beyond |
"I can offer individual gift wrap, sewing, embroidery or crochet in return for sorting our bookshelves by category and author.
Oooh... would you crochet me a cuddly penis toy? I saw them on etsy the other day and thought they were so cute.
And consider the bookshelves done
Posh
That's entirely possible "
I'll be round in a bit. Should only take about 6 hours to get there! Give you time to start on the penis (now I have typed it... that sounds not quite how I meant it to)
Posh |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can cook, bake, make canapes, make excellent cocktails, do you a chocolate and porter pairing.
DS licenced security officer with cams.
Possibly get one of my sexy security mates to strip for you. He's done a few gigs in the past.
Body piercing, if anyone might like new adornments."
Me too and cctv license and first aid and fire warden |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have a tight calve that needs massaging and in return I’m really good with tools so anything that needs fixing I can do "
Massage I can do and keep it professional.
Make a pretty good real foliage door wreath if you want to welcome the guests...
Guess we could use dried pineapple |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I can offer individual gift wrap, sewing, embroidery or crochet in return for sorting our bookshelves by category and author.
Oooh... would you crochet me a cuddly penis toy? I saw them on etsy the other day and thought they were so cute.
And consider the bookshelves done
Posh
That's entirely possible
I'll be round in a bit. Should only take about 6 hours to get there! Give you time to start on the penis (now I have typed it... that sounds not quite how I meant it to)
Posh "
I have looked through my yarn. I can do you one in a rainbow striped mohair or a sort of turquoise wool and cashmere mix. It depends how big you want the testicles and whether you want curcumcised or not |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I can cook, bake, make canapes, make excellent cocktails, do you a chocolate and porter pairing.
DS licenced security officer with cams.
Possibly get one of my sexy security mates to strip for you. He's done a few gigs in the past.
Body piercing, if anyone might like new adornments.
Me too and cctv license and first aid and fire warden "
Yeah got them too. Hopefully the party won't need first aid, no-one sets fire to anything and I dread to think that I'd catch on CCTV,so best not to watch  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can cook, bake, make canapes, make excellent cocktails, do you a chocolate and porter pairing.
DS licenced security officer with cams.
Possibly get one of my sexy security mates to strip for you. He's done a few gigs in the past.
Body piercing, if anyone might like new adornments.
Me too and cctv license and first aid and fire warden
Yeah got them too. Hopefully the party won't need first aid, no-one sets fire to anything and I dread to think that I'd catch on CCTV,so best not to watch "
Think that’s best some of sights on rewiew begger belief have to upgrade my sg three months ago another £300
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I can bake shortbread, mince pies and most things that involve meringue/pavlova. I’ll clean at a pinch but you’d probably regret it as I’d have your whole house reorganised you’d not find anything for weeks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I think what I actually need is a very strict supervisor. I don't half procrastinate! I'm still plodding about organising house and Xmas stuff and could probably have been done in an hour if I didn't keep nipping on here, trying on clothes and makeup I forgot I had, making snacks...basically doing anything but the stuff I'm supposed to be! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
