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Old man’s flying spunk
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Hi guys, first time poster here so please be gentle with me 
Do any of you forumites know of any old wives tricks that will help with the velocity and distance of my spunk when shoot?
When I was young I used to be able to hit the curtain rail, now I’m lucky if I shoot past my knuckles 
There’s a lady I’m really into and I feel she’s the one so I’d like to impress her with my jizz distance.
Any help would be greatly appreciated
Love and Peace |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes a medical proven exercise. Right when you’re sitting down even whist driving you keep nipping up the pelvic area , you know the action you do to make your penis ping upwards. Do this continuously every day for three months . You will definitely see an increase in ejaculation distance . Best of luck |
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"If you pressurise your old man with a co2 gas burst you will achieve amazing velocity, and have fizzy jizz at the same time, you have seen what it does to beer"
Won’t that just spray everywhere though rather than in straight lines?  |
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"Yes a medical proven exercise. Right when you’re sitting down even whist driving you keep nipping up the pelvic area , you know the action you do to make your penis ping upwards. Do this continuously every day for three months . You will definitely see an increase in ejaculation distance . Best of luck "
I’ll try this, I don’t want to take anyone’s eye out mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you pressurise your old man with a co2 gas burst you will achieve amazing velocity, and have fizzy jizz at the same time, you have seen what it does to beer"
Laughed out loud at that one  |
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"Rex, I know a guy who knows a guy - the Semen Shaman.
Some of his methods are a bit out there, but I can put you in touch...
It doesn’t involve anything going up my bum does it? "
I couldn't possibly comment. |
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"If you pressurise your old man with a co2 gas burst you will achieve amazing velocity, and have fizzy jizz at the same time, you have seen what it does to beer
Laughed out loud at that one "
Hey, my jizz velocity is no laughing matter |
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"Rex, I know a guy who knows a guy - the Semen Shaman.
Some of his methods are a bit out there, but I can put you in touch...
It doesn’t involve anything going up my bum does it?
I couldn't possibly comment."
I’ll just stick to dribbly cum then  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You really only need to be able to shoot at best
3-7 inches for vaginal
And 6-8 inches for anal
To hit the back wall 
3inches is on a good day "
That’s ok love you can still fill my back doors in any time you like |
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"You really only need to be able to shoot at best
3-7 inches for vaginal
And 6-8 inches for anal
To hit the back wall
3inches is on a good day
That’s ok love you can still fill my back doors in any time you like "
The best Christmas present ever |
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"Stick a funnel down the hole - pour some down, then push in a few mentos. You'll be staining the ceiling before you know it 
Or my ladies face and tits  
Who's the lucky lady?  "
She doesn’t know she’s getting it yet |
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By *ittycenMan
over a year ago
south west |
"Hi guys, first time poster here so please be gentle with me
Do any of you forumites know of any old wives tricks that will help with the velocity and distance of my spunk when shoot?
When I was young I used to be able to hit the curtain rail, now I’m lucky if I shoot past my knuckles
There’s a lady I’m really into and I feel she’s the one so I’d like to impress her with my jizz distance.
Any help would be greatly appreciated
Love and Peace "
Romance is not dead after all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You really only need to be able to shoot at best
3-7 inches for vaginal
And 6-8 inches for anal
To hit the back wall
3inches is on a good day
That’s ok love you can still fill my back doors in any time you like
The best Christmas present ever "
Your welcome |
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"Hi guys, first time poster here so please be gentle with me
Do any of you forumites know of any old wives tricks that will help with the velocity and distance of my spunk when shoot?
When I was young I used to be able to hit the curtain rail, now I’m lucky if I shoot past my knuckles
There’s a lady I’m really into and I feel she’s the one so I’d like to impress her with my jizz distance.
Any help would be greatly appreciated
Love and Peace
Romance is not dead after all"
Thanks dude |
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"Won’t the bubbles go down my hole? "
"You never had a champagne BJ?"
I hate to pull you up on this after so many other posts, but if memory serves champagne BJs, whilst a wonderful idea, are actually quite painful. They sting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
collect the Ship's Horn from the shop on Booty Island, a Yellow Beard's Baby and a Blue Whale from The Bloody Lip in Woodtick, and a crazy straw from the same establishment.
Combine the Yellow Beard's Baby and the Blue Whale. Mixing these two drinks produces a new drink called a Phlegm and Tonic.
It should make you spit really far.
If you get the reference you can own the internet for one day. |
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"Won’t the bubbles go down my hole?
You never had a champagne BJ?
I hate to pull you up on this after so many other posts, but if memory serves champagne BJs, whilst a wonderful idea, are actually quite painful. They sting."
Would it make my eye water? |
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"Won’t the bubbles go down my hole?
You never had a champagne BJ?
I hate to pull you up on this after so many other posts, but if memory serves champagne BJs, whilst a wonderful idea, are actually quite painful. They sting."
Does it work better with Ribena? Asking for a friend |
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"collect the Ship's Horn from the shop on Booty Island, a Yellow Beard's Baby and a Blue Whale from The Bloody Lip in Woodtick, and a crazy straw from the same establishment.
Combine the Yellow Beard's Baby and the Blue Whale. Mixing these two drinks produces a new drink called a Phlegm and Tonic.
It should make you spit really far.
If you get the reference you can own the internet for one day. "
On an island of Monkeys? |
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"If you pressurise your old man with a co2 gas burst you will achieve amazing velocity, and have fizzy jizz at the same time, you have seen what it does to beer"
Don’t put a soda stream rod down the urethral meatus and press the button or pull the lever three times. In fact stay away from the soda stream period.
It’s not for this purpose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"collect the Ship's Horn from the shop on Booty Island, a Yellow Beard's Baby and a Blue Whale from The Bloody Lip in Woodtick, and a crazy straw from the same establishment.
Combine the Yellow Beard's Baby and the Blue Whale. Mixing these two drinks produces a new drink called a Phlegm and Tonic.
It should make you spit really far.
If you get the reference you can own the internet for one day.
On an island of Monkeys? "
Correct you can now own the treasure of big whoop |
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"Won’t the bubbles go down my hole?
You never had a champagne BJ?
I hate to pull you up on this after so many other posts, but if memory serves champagne BJs, whilst a wonderful idea, are actually quite painful. They sting."
I second this. Vodka too. Ciroc cock is definitely not the way to go.
Sorry to be a bearer of bad news.
I feel like a Health & Safety officer today. |
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"collect the Ship's Horn from the shop on Booty Island, a Yellow Beard's Baby and a Blue Whale from The Bloody Lip in Woodtick, and a crazy straw from the same establishment.
Combine the Yellow Beard's Baby and the Blue Whale. Mixing these two drinks produces a new drink called a Phlegm and Tonic.
It should make you spit really far.
If you get the reference you can own the internet for one day.
On an island of Monkeys?
Correct you can now own the treasure of big whoop"
Can I just own your hole instead? |
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"Have you tried talking to your balls? Maybe your spunk is shy and needs some encouragement before it shoots out
They get loads of encouragement don’t worry about that  "
I just think you’ve been aiming at the wrong objects Rex… a good dose of tits and arse will sort the issue right out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you tried talking to your balls? Maybe your spunk is shy and needs some encouragement before it shoots out
They get loads of encouragement don’t worry about that "
Oh good. At least they’re getting lots of attention and praise |
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"Have you tried talking to your balls? Maybe your spunk is shy and needs some encouragement before it shoots out
They get loads of encouragement don’t worry about that
I just think you’ve been aiming at the wrong objects Rex… a good dose of tits and arse will sort the issue right out "
Oh I do hope I get what I want for Christmas  |
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"Have you tried talking to your balls? Maybe your spunk is shy and needs some encouragement before it shoots out
They get loads of encouragement don’t worry about that
Oh good. At least they’re getting lots of attention and praise "
Oh they don’t get praise. I curse them for not shoot a good distance |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I think you just accept that your days of high velocity spunking are behind you. What with your shrinking penis size due to your ever increasing old age, the dribble of spunk... maybe just write her a love letter instead. |
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"I think you just accept that your days of high velocity spunking are behind you. What with your shrinking penis size due to your ever increasing old age, the dribble of spunk... maybe just write her a love letter instead. "
I knew someone would say about the shrinking penis… and it had to be you Meli |
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"I think you just accept that your days of high velocity spunking are behind you. What with your shrinking penis size due to your ever increasing old age, the dribble of spunk... maybe just write her a love letter instead. "
I think I’ll just send it to her in the post. I can class that as long distance shoot then hopefully when she opens the letter it bursts open on her tits |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you tried talking to your balls? Maybe your spunk is shy and needs some encouragement before it shoots out
They get loads of encouragement don’t worry about that
Oh good. At least they’re getting lots of attention and praise
Oh they don’t get praise. I curse them for not shoot a good distance "
You should put them in the naughty corner for a couple of days to teach them a lesson then see if they shoot a good distance after then |
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"I think you just accept that your days of high velocity spunking are behind you. What with your shrinking penis size due to your ever increasing old age, the dribble of spunk... maybe just write her a love letter instead.
I knew someone would say about the shrinking penis… and it had to be you Meli "
It’s cold outside |
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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago
Market Harborough / Kettering |
Generally if there's resistance the pressure will increase and things will squirt further (like putting your thumb over the end of a hosepipe) so if you can somehow make the hole in the end of your cock smaller then yoi should get the same result ! I'd suggest super gluing a button to the end of your cock so the spunk has to pass through the four small holes this increasing the pressure. Be carefull though as you could take out the curtain pole, the TV, your cat and someone's eye all at the same time ! I can't guarantee that this will work but please please let the forum know how you get on |
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"I was thinking of having a fan blowing around my arse and when I pull out to shoot the fan will carry my spunk a bit further…….."
If you do this can you video it please so we can see the results?… just for scientific purposes obviously |
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"I think you just accept that your days of high velocity spunking are behind you. What with your shrinking penis size due to your ever increasing old age, the dribble of spunk... maybe just write her a love letter instead.
I think I’ll just send it to her in the post. I can class that as long distance shoot then hopefully when she opens the letter it bursts open on her tits "
Oh, if there's a non-contact option, why don't you just hire a stunt cock, Rex? You can wheel him and his 3m jizz flight out for a money shot to reach her bedroom window. Kind of like a spunk-based Cyrano de Bergerac... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was thinking of having a fan blowing around my arse and when I pull out to shoot the fan will carry my spunk a bit further…….."
Be careful you don't want to get any blowback |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I think you just accept that your days of high velocity spunking are behind you. What with your shrinking penis size due to your ever increasing old age, the dribble of spunk... maybe just write her a love letter instead.
I knew someone would say about the shrinking penis… and it had to be you Meli "
I couldn't resist, it was staring me in the face. |
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"I was thinking of having a fan blowing around my arse and when I pull out to shoot the fan will carry my spunk a bit further……..
If you do this can you video it please so we can see the results?… just for scientific purposes obviously "
Would like the camera angle looking through my arse cheeks and up past my bollocks? |
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"I think you just accept that your days of high velocity spunking are behind you. What with your shrinking penis size due to your ever increasing old age, the dribble of spunk... maybe just write her a love letter instead.
I think I’ll just send it to her in the post. I can class that as long distance shoot then hopefully when she opens the letter it bursts open on her tits
Oh, if there's a non-contact option, why don't you just hire a stunt cock, Rex? You can wheel him and his 3m jizz flight out for a money shot to reach her bedroom window. Kind of like a spunk-based Cyrano de Bergerac... "
I don’t speak Spanish unfortunately |
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"I was thinking of having a fan blowing around my arse and when I pull out to shoot the fan will carry my spunk a bit further……..
Be careful you don't want to get any blowback "
This is my fear, getting caught by friendly fire |
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"I think you just accept that your days of high velocity spunking are behind you. What with your shrinking penis size due to your ever increasing old age, the dribble of spunk... maybe just write her a love letter instead.
I knew someone would say about the shrinking penis… and it had to be you Meli
I couldn't resist, it was staring me in the face. "
Was it the eye staring at you? |
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"I was thinking of having a fan blowing around my arse and when I pull out to shoot the fan will carry my spunk a bit further……..
If you do this can you video it please so we can see the results?… just for scientific purposes obviously
Would like the camera angle looking through my arse cheeks and up past my bollocks? "
You really do say the sexiest lines Rex |
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Alternatively.
You know when you shake a fizzy drink and keep your thumb over the hole then release at the point of maximum pressure.
Try sticking you thumb over Japs eye (are we still allowed to say that??) 
Then at the moment of maximum pressure for a old faithful style spunk spout. |
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"I was thinking of having a fan blowing around my arse and when I pull out to shoot the fan will carry my spunk a bit further……..
If you do this can you video it please so we can see the results?… just for scientific purposes obviously
Would like the camera angle looking through my arse cheeks and up past my bollocks?
You really do say the sexiest lines Rex "
That’s a yes then |
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"Alternatively.
You know when you shake a fizzy drink and keep your thumb over the hole then release at the point of maximum pressure.
Try sticking you thumb over Japs eye (are we still allowed to say that??)
Then at the moment of maximum pressure for an old faithful style spunk spout."
Can’t you make yourself preggers if you shoot inside yourself though? |
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By *issMBWoman
over a year ago
North |
This entire thread made me laugh. I really needed that. Thanks Rex.
As far as advice goes - maybe your only option is to spunk into a tennis ball thrower and fling it as far as you can?
(I didn't claim it was *good* advice). |
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"Alternatively.
You know when you shake a fizzy drink and keep your thumb over the hole then release at the point of maximum pressure.
Try sticking you thumb over Japs eye (are we still allowed to say that??)
Then at the moment of maximum pressure for an old faithful style spunk spout.
Can’t you make yourself preggers if you shoot inside yourself though? "
Good point,I heard from a friend of my cousin that her friends brother gotted pregnant like that he ended up with twin's. |
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