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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was wondering if anyone else experiences this phenomenon? Whenever I meet someone I actually want to see again, and i put effort in/match their energy, they disappear after a few days/weeks. But whenever it's someone I'm not overly into seeing again I can't seem to shake them! (Sounds unkind, but hopefully you know what I mean)
Obviously people are entitled to disappear for whatever reason, that's not the point of this post. I'm just starting to get a little paranoid its me and it makes me not want to put effort in going forward, which is a shame and a little sad.
I don't think there really is an answer to this, I'm just seeking some reassurance I'm not alone  |
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"I was wondering if anyone else experiences this phenomenon? Whenever I meet someone I actually want to see again, and i put effort in/match their energy, they disappear after a few days/weeks. But whenever it's someone I'm not overly into seeing again I can't seem to shake them! (Sounds unkind, but hopefully you know what I mean)
Obviously people are entitled to disappear for whatever reason, that's not the point of this post. I'm just starting to get a little paranoid its me and it makes me not want to put effort in going forward, which is a shame and a little sad.
I don't think there really is an answer to this, I'm just seeking some reassurance I'm not alone "
dont think you are alone on this one OP
We have all been there, |
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There's a study somewhere that all females tend to select the best of the male. So the "best man" has multiple choices to select from whereas the rest "average" guys stay behind and keep chasing the ladies without any luck. Apart from the above, life also happens , so stay strong and keep trying. |
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I get where you are coming from.
Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.
Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?
I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Of course women select the best man, why on earth wouldn't they? Who they believe to be the best man *for them* . This is not the same as what many men believe it to be"
Yes! This! I couldn't put it into words but you did it, thanks. A very misogynistic way of thinking. Not the poster, but the study. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I get where you are coming from.
Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.
Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?
I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x"
No, actually i prefer to meet only once for this very reason. But occasionally someone asks to meet again and I agree, then I put effort in (by this I mean I just text them back ahaha) and then poof, gone after awhile. I'm definitely not looking for anything more, but im a friendly person so maybe there is a vibe I put out that makes it seem I want more, who knows. |
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"I get where you are coming from.
Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.
Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?
I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x
No, actually i prefer to meet only once for this very reason. But occasionally someone asks to meet again and I agree, then I put effort in (by this I mean I just text them back ahaha) and then poof, gone after awhile. I'm definitely not looking for anything more, but im a friendly person so maybe there is a vibe I put out that makes it seem I want more, who knows. "
Ah...I see what you mean. I bet that can be frustrating, especially when they are saying they want to meet again. If you've been chatting and previously met I think it's just polite to say they have changed their minds. No one has to explain themselves but manners cost nothing.
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I get where you are coming from.
Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.
Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?
I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x
No, actually i prefer to meet only once for this very reason. But occasionally someone asks to meet again and I agree, then I put effort in (by this I mean I just text them back ahaha) and then poof, gone after awhile. I'm definitely not looking for anything more, but im a friendly person so maybe there is a vibe I put out that makes it seem I want more, who knows.
Ah...I see what you mean. I bet that can be frustrating, especially when they are saying they want to meet again. If you've been chatting and previously met I think it's just polite to say they have changed their minds. No one has to explain themselves but manners cost nothing.
"
true but its in the rules no reply means no  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All about energy - the one's you were keen on/matched with, found it all overwhelming, too much energy flying around so probably needed a breather as they weren't 'ready'
The others - they just like the chase, trying to get your energy to match theirs. They'll most likely be off soon as it did |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There’s plenty of studies regarding dopamine and the chase and those same studies say there’s a significant portion of those who are just in for dopamine and that’s it, many I’m those studies state they felt guilt afterwards as it was definitely not the life partner or continued liaison they envisaged during the chase, so basically if all this is the case then you are encountering thrill seekers, which is a shame because that looks to be quite one sided and unfair |
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Sometimes, it's just life. Fab is only a part of my life, but there's lots of other commitments, work, family, interests, sports, activities......etc that sometimes just screws down on time availability and motivations. I feel really guilty both personally and professionally for the number of people I've ghosted not maliciously but more just because I've lost every opportunity to follow up.
Over the years I've met some amazing people and had brilliant connections, but trying to maintain them, I'm pretty shit. Friends I've missed for years I'm still trying to catch up with and they now have growing kids I've never met. Now add a layer of Fab, work pushing to get year end activities and family wanting to meet up over Christmas.....yeah, someone or something will get dropped. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my experience, some people I’ve met are nice but there was something missing. Maybe personality, maybe a conversation that took place during the meet. I know if someone is a bad kisser , I’d seldom would want to meet them again. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"There's a study somewhere that all females tend to select the best of the male. So the "best man" has multiple choices to select from whereas the rest "average" guys stay behind and keep chasing the ladies without any luck. Apart from the above, life also happens , so stay strong and keep trying. "
I read this too, how women select is across and up whereas men select across and down.
But I think also matching someone’s energy is bad. A lot of people I meet hit that honeymoon period immediately and get all excited , so I tend restrain the energy , knowing it’s not real. I tend to bond longer with people who aren’t all bouncy and making plans to move in on the first date |
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"Of course women select the best man, why on earth wouldn't they? Who they believe to be the best man *for them* . This is not the same as what many men believe it to be"
Do you mean the self professed sex gods of fab?
The site is crammed with this type. They vanish quicker than a fart in a wind tunnel. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I get where you are coming from.
Maybe they are just only looking for a something really casual and pick up the vibe that you are not.
Have they said they are looking for more than just a hook up?
I'm very sure you won't be alone in this happening to x
No, actually i prefer to meet only once for this very reason. But occasionally someone asks to meet again and I agree, then I put effort in (by this I mean I just text them back ahaha) and then poof, gone after awhile. I'm definitely not looking for anything more, but im a friendly person so maybe there is a vibe I put out that makes it seem I want more, who knows.
Ah...I see what you mean. I bet that can be frustrating, especially when they are saying they want to meet again. If you've been chatting and previously met I think it's just polite to say they have changed their minds. No one has to explain themselves but manners cost nothing.
true but its in the rules no reply means no "
Oh absolutely, and as I said, everyone has the right to disappear. I certainly don't ask people why they did, or pester them! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There's a study somewhere that all females tend to select the best of the male. So the "best man" has multiple choices to select from whereas the rest "average" guys stay behind and keep chasing the ladies without any luck. Apart from the above, life also happens , so stay strong and keep trying.
I read this too, how women select is across and up whereas men select across and down.
But I think also matching someone’s energy is bad. A lot of people I meet hit that honeymoon period immediately and get all excited , so I tend restrain the energy , knowing it’s not real. I tend to bond longer with people who aren’t all bouncy and making plans to move in on the first date"
I'm just talking about me texting someone back here or me being the one to plan a meet, not asking to start a family haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In my experience, some people I’ve met are nice but there was something missing. Maybe personality, maybe a conversation that took place during the meet. I know if someone is a bad kisser , I’d seldom would want to meet them again. "
What you trying to say! I'm a fabulous kisser ill have you know |
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'Longevity' is something I try to attain and prescribe to, and clearly some others on here seek it as well. If you're looking for 'one off' or transient encounters - which is perfectly fine - then perhaps those that you meet are having a change of heart. In other words they would like to take things further but you have made it clear that sustained 'repeat meets' will be unlikely. As a consequence they are possibly looking for their next potential match and affording less emphasis on you.
I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. We've all been there. |
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Probably people who have been here for a very long time are less likely to disappear, unless something awful and life-changing happens to them.
But there are no guarantees for anything, nor anyone here. |
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Such is life, onwards and upwards. 