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Cheat detectives
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Have you seen those TikTok tok videos?
Honey trap-
Cheat detectives.
Have you ever been in a relationship and didn't have trust in your partner?
There are people setting their partners up to see how trustworthy they are.
If you suspected your partner had the potential to be unfaithful would you set them up?
Has this ever been done to you? If so how did it make you feel? And did you pass the test?
Can you imagine being set up, passing the test and then finding out about it!
I would be so hurt and angry.
The relationship would be over.
I wouldn't want a relationship where there was any kind of manipulation and mistrust.
I certainly wouldn't want to have to prove myself.
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Not quite the same but 20 plus years ago I found the man I was engaged to and having a baby with , was actually engaged and having a baby with another girl.. this led us to talk and discover their was more than us.
We got one of the other girls to arrange to meet him and when they started to get busy the other fiancée and I let ourselves in... he was apparently hurt that we would set him up like that x |
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I mentioned this the other day. I caught my ex out in a huge lie, he said he'd done it to test me.  . I was angry, hurt and incredulous. It was actually a desperate attempt to justify his lying but whatever it's not a nice feeling because it implies mistrust (ironic  ) and control.
I wouldn't do it to anybody and have nothing but contempt for anyone who does it |
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"Not quite the same but 20 plus years ago I found the man I was engaged to and having a baby with , was actually engaged and having a baby with another girl.. this led us to talk and discover their was more than us.
We got one of the other girls to arrange to meet him and when they started to get busy the other fiancée and I let ourselves in... he was apparently hurt that we would set him up like that x "
OMG I can only imagine how truly shocking and awful that was for you x |
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"I mentioned this the other day. I caught my ex out in a huge lie, he said he'd done it to test me. . I was angry, hurt and incredulous. It was actually a desperate attempt to justify his lying but whatever it's not a nice feeling because it implies mistrust (ironic ) and control.
I wouldn't do it to anybody and have nothing but contempt for anyone who does it"
Don't you just hate that when a liar tries to turn the tables! |
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"Not quite the same but 20 plus years ago I found the man I was engaged to and having a baby with , was actually engaged and having a baby with another girl.. this led us to talk and discover their was more than us.
We got one of the other girls to arrange to meet him and when they started to get busy the other fiancée and I let ourselves in... he was apparently hurt that we would set him up like that x "
To me that's a perfectly valid reason to set someone up. You're acting on fact not suspicion. |
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"I mentioned this the other day. I caught my ex out in a huge lie, he said he'd done it to test me. . I was angry, hurt and incredulous. It was actually a desperate attempt to justify his lying but whatever it's not a nice feeling because it implies mistrust (ironic ) and control.
I wouldn't do it to anybody and have nothing but contempt for anyone who does it
Don't you just hate that when a liar tries to turn the tables!"
Yep. He did it all the time, it's laughable now |
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"Not quite the same but 20 plus years ago I found the man I was engaged to and having a baby with , was actually engaged and having a baby with another girl.. this led us to talk and discover their was more than us.
We got one of the other girls to arrange to meet him and when they started to get busy the other fiancée and I let ourselves in... he was apparently hurt that we would set him up like that x
To me that's a perfectly valid reason to set someone up. You're acting on fact not suspicion."
I completely agree  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I've been "tested" before in a relationship when younger and it a) really pissed me off and b) made me realise it was over. If you get to the point you're questioning/doubting things, it's not a good sign is it?
I'd never do it to another person. If I'm dating someone, I don't expect monogamy. But I do expect respect and honesty. The minute I start doubting whether someone is capable of being honest and open with me, it's not working clearly. |
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"I've been "tested" before in a relationship when younger and it a) really pissed me off and b) made me realise it was over. If you get to the point you're questioning/doubting things, it's not a good sign is it?
I'd never do it to another person. If I'm dating someone, I don't expect monogamy. But I do expect respect and honesty. The minute I start doubting whether someone is capable of being honest and open with me, it's not working clearly."
I am pretty much the same in that I don't expect monogamy. But I do demand respect and honesty. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I've been "tested" before in a relationship when younger and it a) really pissed me off and b) made me realise it was over. If you get to the point you're questioning/doubting things, it's not a good sign is it?
I'd never do it to another person. If I'm dating someone, I don't expect monogamy. But I do expect respect and honesty. The minute I start doubting whether someone is capable of being honest and open with me, it's not working clearly.
I am pretty much the same in that I don't expect monogamy. But I do demand respect and honesty."
Yes, it's a bare minimum thing isn't it? If someone can't be honest with you when you're dating them, what's the point of being with them? And if you can't trust them to be honest, it's the same thing. |
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However it seems I'm doomed to always pick a cheating guy.. as every partner I've ever had has got caught out.. so now I don't date. Much happier......would I set up my Partner If I suspected... yes I would but... I would have to have genuine suspensions
One I caught out by telling him that I'd been told all about the other women.. I hadn't. I'd seen a random text that he then deleted and claimed it was nothing. And it didn't sit right with me I made a guess... he broke down and said it was a relief that I knew. He seemed shocked that I left with me being a swinger..... thing is he knew about my other dalliance.
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"If trust has broken down to this extent, it's possibly not the strongest relationship, anyway. So you may as well put a load of Lego around their side of the bed anyway.  "
I'm liking the Lego idea  |
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It would be hard to cheat on me as I've always said in all my relationships you can shag who you like just tell me. Some of them where shocked but I've never knowingly had someone be unfaithful to me |
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"However it seems I'm doomed to always pick a cheating guy.. as every partner I've ever had has got caught out.. so now I don't date. Much happier......would I set up my Partner If I suspected... yes I would but... I would have to have genuine suspensions
One I caught out by telling him that I'd been told all about the other women.. I hadn't. I'd seen a random text that he then deleted and claimed it was nothing. And it didn't sit right with me I made a guess... he broke down and said it was a relief that I knew. He seemed shocked that I left with me being a swinger..... thing is he knew about my other dalliance.
"
When you have had your kind of experiences then it's maybe understandable, and I suppose you have to do what's right for you.
As if people think that because we are swingers we condone cheating!
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"It would be hard to cheat on me as I've always said in all my relationships you can shag who you like just tell me. Some of them where shocked but I've never knowingly had someone be unfaithful to me"
But sometimes people don't want to tell you. Even though you have that openness, actively encourage it, if they lie and you find out after, is that cheating? I think it's more down to the people in a dynamic rather than having that openness. |
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"It would be hard to cheat on me as I've always said in all my relationships you can shag who you like just tell me. Some of them where shocked but I've never knowingly had someone be unfaithful to me"
Glad to hear it |
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"It would be hard to cheat on me as I've always said in all my relationships you can shag who you like just tell me. Some of them where shocked but I've never knowingly had someone be unfaithful to me
But sometimes people don't want to tell you. Even though you have that openness, actively encourage it, if they lie and you find out after, is that cheating? I think it's more down to the people in a dynamic rather than having that openness."
As ever Meli, words of wisdom |
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"However it seems I'm doomed to always pick a cheating guy.. as every partner I've ever had has got caught out.. so now I don't date. Much happier......would I set up my Partner If I suspected... yes I would but... I would have to have genuine suspensions
One I caught out by telling him that I'd been told all about the other women.. I hadn't. I'd seen a random text that he then deleted and claimed it was nothing. And it didn't sit right with me I made a guess... he broke down and said it was a relief that I knew. He seemed shocked that I left with me being a swinger..... thing is he knew about my other dalliance.
When you have had your kind of experiences then it's maybe understandable, and I suppose you have to do what's right for you.
As if people think that because we are swingers we condone cheating!
"
thing is I used to trust until something happened and I couldn't.
Now its jaded me and I don't trust from the onset. Id probably be very testing if I ever got in a relationship again.. which isn't fair.. and partly why I remain single |
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"However it seems I'm doomed to always pick a cheating guy.. as every partner I've ever had has got caught out.. so now I don't date. Much happier......would I set up my Partner If I suspected... yes I would but... I would have to have genuine suspensions
One I caught out by telling him that I'd been told all about the other women.. I hadn't. I'd seen a random text that he then deleted and claimed it was nothing. And it didn't sit right with me I made a guess... he broke down and said it was a relief that I knew. He seemed shocked that I left with me being a swinger..... thing is he knew about my other dalliance.
"
I can understand trying to find out if you have genuine suspicions. It's testing when you have no grounds to doubt a person that I find distasteful. When I see men offering to text unaware partners on here I shudder at the thought process on both sides. |
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"I had an ex who kept testing me, so I played her at her own game and found out she was messaging other guys, sending images etc.
So I dodged a bullet
The old distraction technique!  "
Oh that’s putting it nicely, she was accusing me of cheating, flirting, being in Facebook groups etc. It’s only when my gut instinct kicked in that I went and did some digging and hey presto the rest is history.
Ah well, got shot so that’s all in the past  |
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"We have have an understanding that we can meet up with anyone we like and do what ever. I (female) said that I would never be faithful and I didn't expect him to be. As long as it's just sex. X
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I'm like this hence I didn't understand the length that my exes went to when lying to me about it. Had they said.. "I'm messaging this nice lady who wants to jump me" I'd have loved it. |
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