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Do you cum quickly?
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By *revils OP Man
over a year ago
North Shields |
Hi
Ive noticed a recent change in my body. When I have sex im finding it hard to hold my orgasm. BJ and wanking im good but penetration i really struggle 20-30 seconds tops. Second time round im much better.
Im also better in the mornings or after ive had a drink. Ive tried wanking before, stop and start, edging and really training my keggle exercises and I'm still not better. Luckily i have a very understanding other half who is great about it but just wondering if other men have had this issue and how they deal with it. Always on the man to perform you know and its a knock to the confidence.
Appreciate open conversation. |
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By *renzMan
over a year ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
I'm the other way around...I rarely cum. Something that has affected me for many years now. Some women find it a disappointment, thinking it is their fault. It isn't. It's just me. I get my fun bringing others off and enjoy the physical act of fucking. I don't have to cum to enjoy myself. |
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No I used to struggle with cumming quickly but now it usually takes half hour minimum, I don't really know what to suggest unfortunately because you said you've tried edging and that's what helped me along with breathing exercises because that can help as well |
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"Hi
Ive noticed a recent change in my body. When I have sex im finding it hard to hold my orgasm. BJ and wanking im good but penetration i really struggle 20-30 seconds tops. Second time round im much better.
Im also better in the mornings or after ive had a drink. Ive tried wanking before, stop and start, edging and really training my keggle exercises and I'm still not better. Luckily i have a very understanding other half who is great about it but just wondering if other men have had this issue and how they deal with it. Always on the man to perform you know and its a knock to the confidence.
Appreciate open conversation. "
Hugs. After becoming poly and going to swinging clubs, it is more common than you think.
It is psychological ( as long as you have had your GP check up).
The most men that I've met in therapy have been the actual therapists!
I just want to say that men are not there to perform. We don't live in a circus. ( contrary to popular belief) I see that you've done a lot of physical sex training but what have you done to your sexual psyche.
Interesting that it's better in the morning, after the first round and after you have had a drink. Those things are instances where both your mind and body are relaxed (although alcohol is a depressant rather).
I recommend hacking your brain to get it to relax. Tantric sex practice helps. It takes longer but it does help you relax. Unfortunately, most porn is not tantric at all...and most of what I see in swingers' clubs isn't tantric.
I'm a switch so I like to have men release control and let me massage their entire body and verbally express what they like and what they don't like.
Most men I gather( from conversations) are walking around unheard, suppressed, repressed and unheard apart from being some sort of human dildo. Women can't turn into a sex goddesses on command so I don't understand why we expect men to turn into a sex god on command? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can you power on through it and just keep going?
How frequently do you have sex?
If it's really getting to you there's medication you can get online that helps. |
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"No I used to struggle with cumming quickly but now it usually takes half hour minimum, I don't really know what to suggest unfortunately because you said you've tried edging and that's what helped me along with breathing exercises because that can help as well "
The breathing will help you relax. I get bad anxiety. I actually had to do some breathing in an Uber on my first visit to Heathrow Ab Fab. There are various techniques easily found on youtube so you can find one that works for you or like me try them all! |
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By *iggingMan
over a year ago
Oldham |
"I'm the other way around...I rarely cum. Something that has affected me for many years now. Some women find it a disappointment, thinking it is their fault. It isn't. It's just me. I get my fun bringing others off and enjoy the physical act of fucking. I don't have to cum to enjoy myself. "
Exactly this..I am the same. |
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By *revils OP Man
over a year ago
North Shields |
This is a wonderful answer thank you. I have medication (SSRI) which apparently help relax the mind as thats what my GP said it sounded like.
Tantric is a new one ive not heard of unfortunately me and my other half rarely get "time" to have long sessions. We have busy family and working lives so when we do connect we try to keep it spicy and fun but its 30 mins and then we are sleeping. When we do get the chance we do take our times and have some kinky play and thinking about it I am much better and relaxed.
Ive tried coming away from porn a lot really rarely watch it or masturbate to it now. I stopped masturbating a lot and save it for my other half when we can. Thank you for your input been so valuable, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cum quickly, not quite as quick as you, but still quicker than I'd like.
I also last longer in the mornings and if I've got some booze on board. 
I like to start with some foreplay on them first, to help them have more fun!
I've also uses some de-sensitizing ointments too, one is so potent that I won't cum at all if I've put too much on... |
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Thanks for starting an open conversation. I'm the same as you.
What I find is that if I am open and upfront about it, it's all fine. I have a wonderful fwb and she knows that I'm going to cum within a minute of her getting her hands on my chap. I normally cum on her face, as she likes that. Then, as I am 'recharging' the batteries, I spend that time focused on her. I go down on her, use her toys on her, we kiss, fondle, use my fingers on her clit. And then, usually after she's cum once or twice, I'm hard again and we have AMAZING sex and I can last sometimes up to 45 minutes.
I tell all potential meets this beforehand too, and I know it's right when they are understanding and actually find it a bit of a turn on. I've only been laughed at once, they can piss off.
Hope that answer helps. |
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I’m very inconsistent. Sometimes very quick sometimes much better. U r not alone
What works for me it’s to be slow. Then if I feel I’m near point of no rtn I stop.
I give myself a min or so then back again
Maybe u cud try this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly depends on the day I have had. Stressful then probably yeah I am quick.
However a relaxing day of doing nothing with the phone off you will find I last alot longer.
As many have said before it's all in the mind. Try to relax and block out the thoughts of cumming. You will find the results will be there. |
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"This is a wonderful answer thank you. I have medication (SSRI) which apparently help relax the mind as thats what my GP said it sounded like.
Tantric is a new one ive not heard of unfortunately me and my other half rarely get "time" to have long sessions. We have busy family and working lives so when we do connect we try to keep it spicy and fun but its 30 mins and then we are sleeping. When we do get the chance we do take our times and have some kinky play and thinking about it I am much better and relaxed.
Ive tried coming away from porn a lot really rarely watch it or masturbate to it now. I stopped masturbating a lot and save it for my other half when we can. Thank you for your input been so valuable, "
You're welcome.
I take SSRIs but it does nothing to relax me. I say it takes the edge off in my experience. My mom who is a retired nurse would say don't trust any medication a doctor prescribes. Lol!
I'm not anti-medication but one of the side effects unfortunately for some people is interference with your sex life. I suggest looking up the side effects of the medication that you are taking.
Tantric sex has been around for a while. I think I came across it as a teen in the 90s. I think with some practice it can work in 30 minutes. I know the breathing for me works in 3-5 minutes for relaxation to combat an anxiety attack that makes me feel like throwing up. Another eastern practice is mindfulness.
I understand the preference to come away from porn. For me, porn is a tool...like the internet...I balance, limit, and curate carefully what I expose my mind to. So I watch female-friendly, amateur, married couples and slow sensual videos. There are videos that I would watch with a partner as foreplay. I used to watch porn with my ex-boyfriend as a teen in the 90s. It was part instructional and part foreplay to get in the mood.
I think watching porn with a partner can be kinky.
The three I recommend for couples are:
Kate Marley
Bonniealex
The Wild Naked Man
Also there are books/ebooks/audiobooks on Tantra, Breathing and Mindfulness if you want to avoid the porn visual altogether.
I have no idea how couples with kids and full-time jobs keep up with their sex life. When I was in a committed relationship, we would go and spend 4 hours or overnight at the spa hotel to relax once a month. We probably had sex between 1-3 times a week. But we had no kids so that's difficult for parents.
My FWB sends his daughter to his mom sometimes on weekends but I recognize that most people now don't have that extended family to lean on.
I come from a sex-negative culture/society and I'm trying to be more sex-positive so I can be more connected to my body and people in general. My brain has a tendency to disconnect and dissociate really easily so I have to keep on top of making sure I stay connected.
Good luck. |
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"Thanks for starting an open conversation. I'm the same as you.
What I find is that if I am open and upfront about it, it's all fine. I have a wonderful fwb and she knows that I'm going to cum within a minute of her getting her hands on my chap. I normally cum on her face, as she likes that. Then, as I am 'recharging' the batteries, I spend that time focused on her. I go down on her, use her toys on her, we kiss, fondle, use my fingers on her clit. And then, usually after she's cum once or twice, I'm hard again and we have AMAZING sex and I can last sometimes up to 45 minutes.
I tell all potential meets this beforehand too, and I know it's right when they are understanding and actually find it a bit of a turn on. I've only been laughed at once, they can piss off.
Hope that answer helps. "
I think I need to move to Frome. 
I'm a switch and I know everyone thinks coming is this great finale but it doesn't have to be. I had one guy come and then I sat for another hour massaging his penis and he enjoyed it and it made him relax. I like the idea of play without this grand orgasmic finale. Everyone's bodies and minds work differently. Part of the fun and turn on for me is finding out what each person likes and getting them to full satisfaction and getting myself to full satisfaction with their help.
As for the person that laughed...they can go fuck themselves then...literally...  |
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"I have just the opposite problem and can last, what feels like forever. Some men would probably think this is a good thing but not when your partner is getting sore !! "
My pussy is pretty greedy if it starts getting sore I just add more lube. Lol! Ok reality, if I pulled a muscle or twisted a ligament or joint due to um....overuse that would end it for sure.
I think some men get sore too if up we are going for...um..hours. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just the opposite problem and can last, what feels like forever. Some men would probably think this is a good thing but not when your partner is getting sore !!
My pussy is pretty greedy if it starts getting sore I just add more lube. Lol! Ok reality, if I pulled a muscle or twisted a ligament or joint due to um....overuse that would end it for sure.
I think some men get sore too if up we are going for...um..hours."
If lube is required IMHO you've let yourself go off the boil. If we get an entire free weekend to ourselves we will be very sexual for most of the awake hours. We keep each other mutually turned on for the duration and a lubricated area is never a problem.
As you know though it's not all about penetrations - that definitely should wait until the lady garden is fully ready - there's kisses, nibbles, nips and bites to do until that moment.
Actually the less penetrative stuff is how I managed to not disappoint in my youth before I got less sensitive and able to proceed post my own orgasm. |
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"I have just the opposite problem and can last, what feels like forever. Some men would probably think this is a good thing but not when your partner is getting sore !!
My pussy is pretty greedy if it starts getting sore I just add more lube. Lol! Ok reality, if I pulled a muscle or twisted a ligament or joint due to um....overuse that would end it for sure.
I think some men get sore too if up we are going for...um..hours.
If lube is required IMHO you've let yourself go off the boil. If we get an entire free weekend to ourselves we will be very sexual for most of the awake hours. We keep each other mutually turned on for the duration and a lubricated area is never a problem.
As you know though it's not all about penetrations - that definitely should wait until the lady garden is fully ready - there's kisses, nibbles, nips and bites to do until that moment.
Actually the less penetrative stuff is how I managed to not disappoint in my youth before I got less sensitive and able to proceed post my own orgasm."
Not all women get very lubricated or can sustain that lubrication for hours and hours. I think some of mine are also linked to dehydration if I don't remember to drink enough water during play. I'd say the first hour of play I'm pretty good to go but non-stop after hour 2 or 3 that's when things need more lubricant...obviously a litre of lube for anal. |
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"I'm the other way around...I rarely cum. Something that has affected me for many years now. Some women find it a disappointment, thinking it is their fault. It isn't. It's just me. I get my fun bringing others off and enjoy the physical act of fucking. I don't have to cum to enjoy myself. "
I'm similar
Can be frustrating and I'm sure it's psychological.
My wife gets very wet though so I like to tell myself that's the reason as there's less friction/feeling |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It really varies for me. Sometimes I can't cum at all. Sometimes it's what I think is a reasonable amount of time. Sometimes it's quick.
I have a FWB that I met a few years ago. We had sex a couple of times and it went really well - she remains the most skilled woman at oral that I've ever been with. The third time we met up she started sucking me and immediately I felt on a short fuse. Sometimes this is a phase I can get through but this time I don't think I lasted half a minute before I realised I couldn't hold back any longer and I had just enough time to pull out and aim away from her face and then I was done. It was embarrassing but she was lovely about it.
Sometimes men cum faster than we'd like. Sometimes men can't cum at all. Sometimes men can't get it completely hard for various reasons. I think it's really healthy to discuss it and not pretend that men are just sex machines. So we'll done for being so open. I hope things improve for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi
Ive noticed a recent change in my body. When I have sex im finding it hard to hold my orgasm. BJ and wanking im good but penetration i really struggle 20-30 seconds tops. Second time round im much better.
Im also better in the mornings or after ive had a drink. Ive tried wanking before, stop and start, edging and really training my keggle exercises and I'm still not better. Luckily i have a very understanding other half who is great about it but just wondering if other men have had this issue and how they deal with it. Always on the man to perform you know and its a knock to the confidence.
Appreciate open conversation.
Hugs. After becoming poly and going to swinging clubs, it is more common than you think.
It is psychological ( as long as you have had your GP check up).
The most men that I've met in therapy have been the actual therapists!
I just want to say that men are not there to perform. We don't live in a circus. ( contrary to popular belief) I see that you've done a lot of physical sex training but what have you done to your sexual psyche.
Interesting that it's better in the morning, after the first round and after you have had a drink. Those things are instances where both your mind and body are relaxed (although alcohol is a depressant rather).
I recommend hacking your brain to get it to relax. Tantric sex practice helps. It takes longer but it does help you relax. Unfortunately, most porn is not tantric at all...and most of what I see in swingers' clubs isn't tantric.
I'm a switch so I like to have men release control and let me massage their entire body and verbally express what they like and what they don't like.
Most men I gather( from conversations) are walking around unheard, suppressed, repressed and unheard apart from being some sort of human dildo. Women can't turn into a sex goddesses on command so I don't understand why we expect men to turn into a sex god on command?"
Can I just say that I LOVE your responses to this post MelaninMaverick - so considered and kind. You sound like a wonderful person. |
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By *renzMan
over a year ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
"I'm the other way around...I rarely cum. Something that has affected me for many years now. Some women find it a disappointment, thinking it is their fault. It isn't. It's just me. I get my fun bringing others off and enjoy the physical act of fucking. I don't have to cum to enjoy myself.
I'm similar
Can be frustrating and I'm sure it's psychological.
My wife gets very wet though so I like to tell myself that's the reason as there's less friction/feeling "
I agree, I think it is psychological. Years ago when I first started swinging the couple I played with I was so excited I came shortly after entering her, which I know was a disappointment for her, but I soon recharged and lasted much longer. So I think I eventually 'conditioned' myself to not cum so quickly which eventually stopped me cumming altogether. I do occasionally cum through intercourse but it is rare. Not a problem wanking. |
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Can I just say that I LOVE your responses to this post MelaninMaverick - so considered and kind. You sound like a wonderful person.
Thanks and you're welcome to my lived experience and learned therapy skills. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Btw I don’t expect you to to answer these questions - they’re more put out there for you to think about. What is your current mental health like? Whilst you might feel ok - assess every area of your life and work out what might be getting you down? Do you feel yourself getting agitated when things don’t go right? Do you feel stressed they’re out out of control in general? If so that might have something to do with it. Never be ashamed about mental health if this is the case - working on your mental health is just like going to the gym - you’re building yourself stronger emotionally and building your resilience which you may find helps you in other areas too!
The other side is what is your physical health like? Good diet and exercise can also contribute.
And the third thing I’d maybe say is what is your sex life like? It might be few and far between - in which case keep up the wanking in between. If it’s good and you don’t have any issues with how often you’re having sex, then maybe look into some numbing creams to help. Other than that I don’t know what to suggest - maybe consulting a doctor but I know you’d probably prefer not to if you can resolve it! Goole is a good resource if you need to find out some info  |
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"Btw I don’t expect you to to answer these questions - they’re more put out there for you to think about. What is your current mental health like? Whilst you might feel ok - assess every area of your life and work out what might be getting you down? Do you feel yourself getting agitated when things don’t go right? Do you feel stressed they’re out out of control in general? If so that might have something to do with it. Never be ashamed about mental health if this is the case - working on your mental health is just like going to the gym - you’re building yourself stronger emotionally and building your resilience which you may find helps you in other areas too!
The other side is what is your physical health like? Good diet and exercise can also contribute.
And the third thing I’d maybe say is what is your sex life like? It might be few and far between - in which case keep up the wanking in between. If it’s good and you don’t have any issues with how often you’re having sex, then maybe look into some numbing creams to help. Other than that I don’t know what to suggest - maybe consulting a doctor but I know you’d probably prefer not to if you can resolve it! Goole is a good resource if you need to find out some info "
well said young man. If only I had that knowledge when I was younger. |
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I am the same as original poster. Bj I can last for ages. Sex is over very quickly the first time. But 10 minutes later, I can go for about 30minutes usually. Depends on the woman. With my ex, I could only last about 15minutes. But her pussy was like gold |
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