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Reading the signs.
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Come to conclusion that I must be the world worse person at reading the signs.
Meet someone, things go well, discover they don't want to meet again.
Think someone isn't interested. Miss a great opportunity when it's too late.
Think someone really likes me. Find out they don't.
Thank someone for gracious comment. Find out it was meant for another.
Honestly, I give up!! Thought I'd have learned how to do this by now.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Ach, no! You're not the world's worst at reading things. Far from it. People can be really complicated to read can't they? Say one thing and mean/do another. You read the wrong signals and think "fuck how could I get it so wrong?" Sometimes you end up doubting yourself but don't put the onus fully on you. It's not always you, you know.
People are bleeding confusing. But when you do read it right, it's worth it. Try and keep the faith a bit in humanity. In yourself. Easier said than done! |
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If you are the worst, I must be up there in the top 10. With me, it's pretty simple...I was so traumatised by rejection as a teenager, that I determined to be ultra-conservative about any future such attempts. I've never been rejected in the 30 years' since, but it's been at the expense of misreading or entirely misding signals, always in a negative direction.
My psyche would rather miss out on 100 chances of utter bliss than risk a single moment of rejection. It's crazy. It makes no sense, it's cowardice, it places unfair pressure on potential partners to take the risk on themselves, but I can't help it.  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"If you are the worst, I must be up there in the top 10. With me, it's pretty simple...I was so traumatised by rejection as a teenager, that I determined to be ultra-conservative about any future such attempts. I've never been rejected in the 30 years' since, but it's been at the expense of misreading or entirely misding signals, always in a negative direction.
My psyche would rather miss out on 100 chances of utter bliss than risk a single moment of rejection. It's crazy. It makes no sense, it's cowardice, it places unfair pressure on potential partners to take the risk on themselves, but I can't help it. "
Ach, when something like that happens it really does shape future behaviour. Don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe start taking little steps that are almost manageable rejections if that makes sense? Things that aren't too daunting to face.
I've never been rejected. I have such a daft fear thanks to earlier experiences that if I feel people pulling away or the slightest hint of them not being interested, I'll put all the walls up so it's almost wilful misreading. Or deflect it to a safe friendship zone where I know I don't have to deal with rejection. Keeps my heart a bit safer because I'm a lot more sensitive than I let on.
That being typed, sometimes it's worth just stepping a bit out of the comfort zone. You're not the you of previous years so why not live life as the you of today? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm useless at reading the signs, someone needs to get the sign and beat me over the head with it before I cotton on.
Missed so many opportunities because of the blinkers I have on, and been down a lot of dead end streets because I thought me and the other at the time were on the same page. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Come to conclusion that I must be the world worse person at reading the signs.
Meet someone, things go well, discover they don't want to meet again.
Think someone isn't interested. Miss a great opportunity when it's too late.
Think someone really likes me. Find out they don't.
Thank someone for gracious comment. Find out it was meant for another.
Honestly, I give up!! Thought I'd have learned how to do this by now.
"
You and me are in serious competition for that one. A lady would have to literally drag me upstairs |
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"If people aren't good at reading signs how do they know they have missed opportunities?"
In my case, because I've been told,time and time again, very occasionally after the poor woman in question has almost dragged me to bed, but far more often years after the moment has passed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If people aren't good at reading signs how do they know they have missed opportunities?
In my case, because I've been told,time and time again, very occasionally after the poor woman in question has almost dragged me to bed, but far more often years after the moment has passed."
I see! I understand now what’s happening here  |
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"Come to conclusion that I must be the world worse person at reading the signs.
Meet someone, things go well, discover they don't want to meet again.
Think someone isn't interested. Miss a great opportunity when it's too late.
Think someone really likes me. Find out they don't.
Thank someone for gracious comment. Find out it was meant for another.
Honestly, I give up!! Thought I'd have learned how to do this by now.
"
I hear you, I'm totally blind when it comes to reading signs unless someone blatantly states the obvious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I use to think I was quite good.
Lately though, when it comes to men I don't have a fucking clue anymore.
Gingerbread latte and a bun  "
See!!
I thought it was gingerbread latte and a burger.
I always get it wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I use to think I was quite good.
Lately though, when it comes to men I don't have a fucking clue anymore.
Gingerbread latte and a bun
See!!
I thought it was gingerbread latte and a burger.
I always get it wrong. "
Does the burger not have a bun  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I think even good communicators struggle sometimes, it’s very subtle plus it’s not always black and white. Sometimes you are just not sure and need time.
I often ponder things like I really like everything about her but she always lets me pay and never offers and struggle to say how I feel so then just dump her and find out months later in her culture it’s seem as very unattractive & for a woman to pay for a man and she was doing it to make me feel comfortable. People are complex |
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I've always been shit at it  someone was telling me how they knew someone fancied me when I was 17 and I was completely oblivious. I just accept I'm crap at it and do my best
He could have told me at the time though, shit wingman |
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That's the thing about signs, unless they're very clear and obvious the potential for misreading them is huge. Everything we do is overlaid with convention, polite socially acceptable behaviour and etiquette, no wonder real intentions get lost. People who genuinely say what they really mean are often labelled rude or in your face so we rely on 'signs'. It's a miracle anyone ever gets to the truth of anything |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that pretty much covers my fab journey too
I was very pouty to learn a compliment messaged to me was for someone else lol
Whatever, I'll stick to my womaniser.. He never lets me down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a lot of confirmation bias is involved in 'reading signals'. If you really wanted a meet to go/end well perhaps you exaggerated to yourself how well it actually went? Or if you were not so enthusiastic about someone else maybe you played down the positive elements? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's the thing about signs, unless they're very clear and obvious the potential for misreading them is huge. Everything we do is overlaid with convention, polite socially acceptable behaviour and etiquette, no wonder real intentions get lost. People who genuinely say what they really mean are often labelled rude or in your face so we rely on 'signs'. It's a miracle anyone ever gets to the truth of anything "
I also think that it is not as obvious as it seems even when people make their intentions clear with words.
Especially if the words they use contradict their demeanours.
The cognitive dissonance creates by such contradiction is, in my sense, much more difficult to navigate than to read signs |
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OP I don’t think you’re the only one who is bad at this. I have spent the best part of 30 years of my life with completely inappropriate partners who pretty much always showed me little to no respect. It has made me put up walls almost to the moon!
But I am an old romantic at heart. And I dare to dream. Don’t let a rejection or a missed signal put you off. Otherwise you won’t be you  |
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Not you as this site is quite literally full to brim of people doing the "Double Speak" and the others willing to say just about anything just to get a "Meet" and so reading signs is nigh on impossible !! even when you meet in the "Flesh" it's hard work !! and gone are the days of people being honest and mostly a very nice "Facade" to hide the true person lurking beneath and it's the age of "Faux" anger/emotions/anything at all all played to the handy smart phone feed and being part of a "Clique" or the need to "Belong" trumps everything ??......  |
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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago
Gateway to the Beacons |
I am shit at it not got a scooby doo, I read things wrong all the time from comments on posts to messages, currently, I have walls that reach the edge of the milky way let alone the moon. |
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I’m useless at reading the signs, especially if someone likes me and wants to actually ‘date’ me rather than just meet for sex.
It’s happened to me twice in the last 3 years.
One was a fwb off here and the other was a non fab friend.
Both times if I’d have known I’d have said yes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Come to conclusion that I must be the world worse person at reading the signs.
Meet someone, things go well, discover they don't want to meet again.
Think someone isn't interested. Miss a great opportunity when it's too late.
Think someone really likes me. Find out they don't.
Thank someone for gracious comment. Find out it was meant for another.
Honestly, I give up!! Thought I'd have learned how to do this by now.
"
LOL this is my life story as well....  |
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Don't give up! Don't give in. If it qas easy then there would be no single people about. Like others earlier, I have misread signals in both directions, I get carried away emotionally too.
A master has failed more times than the apprentice has even attempted.
Live long and prosper x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As Billy Connolly said in a sketch. A woman could be snogging my face off, licking and kisding my neck and ears, I wouldn't have a clue that she liked me."
Turn the woman into a man and that sums me up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sometimes you need to be direct and spell the signs out to be understood..
especially here where we are a band of misfits looking for different things... |
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"Don't give up! Don't give in. If it qas easy then there would be no single people about. Like others earlier, I have misread signals in both directions, I get carried away emotionally too.
A master has failed more times than the apprentice has even attempted.
Live long and prosper x"
You speak such sense darling |
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