Give yourself time to process
Jumping into something new with someone else never helps to really unpack your feelings and move on. It just covers them up.
Find a hobby, socialise with friends, keep yourself busy (hiking and gym work for me) and you'll find that in a few weeks time it'll be easier
Time heals all wounds, but only if you give it the chance to do so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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11 year relationship ended last April, 2021.
I don't think there's one answer to your question though as there is so many different and personal things to consider.
I'll let you know when I've figured it out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Give yourself time to process
Jumping into something new with someone else never helps to really unpack your feelings and move on. It just covers them up.
Find a hobby, socialise with friends, keep yourself busy (hiking and gym work for me) and you'll find that in a few weeks time it'll be easier
Time heals all wounds, but only if you give it the chance to do so. "
This, finding an outlet helps massively, between work and the gym I'm busy enough and actually enjoying taking time to work on me. |
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I feel for you OP I really do. The best advice I can give is to go through the 5 stages of grief. Losing a partner is like grieving for a love lost. Until you’ve been through all the stages you won’t be able to feel complete in yourself. The main thing is to care for yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Hugs xx |
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The other thing I'll add, is that whilst breakups aren't great, every one we go through enriches us personally.
By trying and failing, we learn to find what works, whether that's a particular person or a preference, whatever.
Use it to make you stronger.
And if all else fails, we'll always be here for a little ego pick-me-up if you need it until you're back on your feet |
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By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
I feel for you lovely, we have all been there. I was in an 8 month relationship which was very intense , he even moved in. It turned out our whole relationship was built on a foundation of lies.
I got back on fab and got straight under another guy 
I wasn’t going to waste my time on someone who hadn’t valued me. What was hard though was that I’d thought I had my future mapped out, that was tougher to get over.
Big hugs hun it will get better x |
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"Can’t be that bothered if you’ve been chatting to random guys on here for 4 months.
The mr "
There's nothing to say that the OP wasn't on hear before she found out that he was not good for her don't be so judgemental.  |
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"Can’t be that bothered if you’ve been chatting to random guys on here for 4 months.
The mr There's nothing to say that the OP wasn't on hear before she found out that he was not good for her don't be so judgemental. "
This thread would have gone in a whole different direction if the op was a man. |
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"Best advice to get over a break up? Short relationship..very intense..turns out he was an alcoholic. 
Go and get dick the best remedy
Fully agree"
Definitely a distraction and gives you something to look forward to, not back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can’t be that bothered if you’ve been chatting to random guys on here for 4 months.
The mr There's nothing to say that the OP wasn't on hear before she found out that he was not good for her don't be so judgemental.
This thread would have gone in a whole different direction if the op was a man."
How so? |
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If he wouldn't admit that he had a problem the relationship was never going to work I've been there seen it got the t-shirt there's nothing you could have done
Don't feel guilty or ashamed you done nothing wrong but don't go on the rebound |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Start drinking heavily and get into fights with all your family members and start turning up for work late and disheveled and…
Oh no that’s the opposite.
What did you do before that worked?
Do that again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you. Shouldn't have to clarify but yes I had Fab before the relationship and I was not active on here during the relationship."
If you were a man it would have been questioned much more harshly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Best advice to get over a break up? Short relationship..very intense..turns out he was an alcoholic. "
If he is an alcoholic it's a lucky escape for both of you. Lucky it didn't last longer.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel for you OP I really do. The best advice I can give is to go through the 5 stages of grief. Losing a partner is like grieving for a love lost. Until you’ve been through all the stages you won’t be able to feel complete in yourself. The main thing is to care for yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Hugs xx"
Littlebird has beautifully said, what I would’ve x
Do you have someone to talk to about it? If not, you can PM me. I get it, and it helps to let what you’re feeling out, even if it’s to a stranger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you. Shouldn't have to clarify but yes I had Fab before the relationship and I was not active on here during the relationship.
If you were a man it would have been questioned much more harshly."
That’s up to the pack of wolves that would comment, not the OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is him being an alcoholic part of the reason you broke up? Or did you find out after? When you say “turns out he was an alcoholic” it reads like somebody would say “turns out he’s a cheat”, alcoholism is a real problem and serious addiction for many people, and also kills countless people, he probably needs help and not to be stigmatised for it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is him being an alcoholic part of the reason you broke up? Or did you find out after? When you say “turns out he was an alcoholic” it reads like somebody would say “turns out he’s a cheat”, alcoholism is a real problem and serious addiction for many people, and also kills countless people, he probably needs help and not to be stigmatised for it "
I spent 3 years with an alcoholic, then a further 3 with a drug addict (I’ve got amazing taste in men)
You give everything of yourself to help them, but if they don’t want help nothing will ever change. In the end you HAVE to put yourself first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can’t be that bothered if you’ve been chatting to random guys on here for 4 months.
The mr There's nothing to say that the OP wasn't on hear before she found out that he was not good for her don't be so judgemental.
This thread would have gone in a whole different direction if the op was a man.
How so?"
Maybe someone would have said ‘go and get pussy!’ Instead of dick!? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is him being an alcoholic part of the reason you broke up? Or did you find out after? When you say “turns out he was an alcoholic” it reads like somebody would say “turns out he’s a cheat”, alcoholism is a real problem and serious addiction for many people, and also kills countless people, he probably needs help and not to be stigmatised for it "
Someone has to be ready to receive the help. You can't force them to get help. Equally if someone can't deal with it they should be able to walk away without being made to feel they have to stay in that situation if they don't want to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Life is full of ups and downs. The problem is us humans are capable of doing good however we are capable of doing bad too. I had to end a three year relationship. OP you have to do what is right for you. Only you can look out for yourself x |
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Break ups happen ..enjoy the ride in the good times ...I'm sure you'll be fine and ready for your next adventure soon enough...remember the most important person to please and take care of is yourself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is him being an alcoholic part of the reason you broke up? Or did you find out after? When you say “turns out he was an alcoholic” it reads like somebody would say “turns out he’s a cheat”, alcoholism is a real problem and serious addiction for many people, and also kills countless people, he probably needs help and not to be stigmatised for it
I spent 3 years with an alcoholic, then a further 3 with a drug addict (I’ve got amazing taste in men)
You give everything of yourself to help them, but if they don’t want help nothing will ever change. In the end you HAVE to put yourself first. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is him being an alcoholic part of the reason you broke up? Or did you find out after? When you say “turns out he was an alcoholic” it reads like somebody would say “turns out he’s a cheat”, alcoholism is a real problem and serious addiction for many people, and also kills countless people, he probably needs help and not to be stigmatised for it
I spent 3 years with an alcoholic, then a further 3 with a drug addict (I’ve got amazing taste in men)
You give everything of yourself to help them, but if they don’t want help nothing will ever change. In the end you HAVE to put yourself first. "
that’s not what I said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Best advice to get over a break up? Short relationship..very intense..turns out he was an alcoholic. "
Best way to get over someone it under someone else. |
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All this instantly jump into bed with someone stuff is bollocks. I was married for 16 years, and although this relationship is much, much shorter, that wouldn't have helped one bit.
Time, and self care are more important |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can’t be that bothered if you’ve been chatting to random guys on here for 4 months.
The mr There's nothing to say that the OP wasn't on hear before she found out that he was not good for her don't be so judgemental.
This thread would have gone in a whole different direction if the op was a man."
I believe you would have replied differently too if the OP was male, I don’t think that would be controversial to suggest.
Try this, instead of complaining people are only nice to women on a thread where people are being nice to a woman, because you think they wouldn’t be nice to men in the same situation… how about complaining when people aren’t nice to guys instead and at the same time be nice to them?
Surely that’s what you’re asking for here?
If this thread is how people *should* behave, call out when that doesn’t happen elsewhere on those threads? |
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