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If you knew
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Depends on what it was, surely? If you knew someone murdered someone, you'd tell the police surely? And the way people gossip, kinda suggests the vast majority do tell if they think they can get away with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only tell my friend Sarah, but that’s ok as she lives in a wee room in my head and sees no one, so won’t go any further 
Serious head back on now, would all depend on the circumstances but most of everyday occurrences, definitely not |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"the way people gossip, kinda suggests the vast majority do tell if they think they can get away with it. "
Get away with telling or breaking a confidence?
Why do you think that is? To gain recognition, clout or some other psychological benefit? Or just to be a dick? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Totally would do yes....... why follow the crowd ha ha
Gossip makes the world more fun after all - unless its about you  "
I usually start those rumours off though, amuses me how quick they go full circle and how many believe them ha ha ha |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I only tell my friend Sarah, but that’s ok as she lives in a wee room in my head and sees no one, so won’t go any further
Serious head back on now, would all depend on the circumstances but most of everyday occurrences, definitely not "
I tell my friend Sarah everything…. And I mean everything  |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Depends. If it was something dangerous or illegal…
Loyalty looms large in my life though  "
Where does loyalty come into it, if the thing is about you?
Would you rather they stay loyal, or break that and tell you? |
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"the way people gossip, kinda suggests the vast majority do tell if they think they can get away with it.
Get away with telling or breaking a confidence?
Why do you think that is? To gain recognition, clout or some other psychological benefit? Or just to be a dick? "
Get away with breaking confidence. I think it's human nature to gossip, which kinda makes sense in an evolutionary way. I think most people just like to feel important and that they are somehow special. I think many like others to know they have been trusted with something special. You see this in other social media more, for example when someone announces they are pregnant there is often the friend who'll post I've known ages but congratulations. I think much of life is like a big game of top trumps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends. If it was something dangerous or illegal…
Loyalty looms large in my life though
Where does loyalty come into it, if the thing is about you?
Would you rather they stay loyal, or break that and tell you?"
It feels like you have an idea/example of what this ‘thing’ is, and since I don’t, I can’t give a complete and informed response. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I’d write it down and keep it in my little filing cabinet to use as ammo at a later date if needed 
The old passive aggressive never let them forget filing cabinet? "
Always keep receipts  |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
" I think most people just like to feel important and that they are somehow special. I think many like others to know they have been trusted with something special. You see this in other social media more, for example when someone announces they are pregnant there is often the friend who'll post I've known ages but congratulations. I think much of life is like a big game of top trumps. "
Good point on the whole top trumps thing.
People do like to feel important, and so bragging about knowing something that no one else does can lead to a feeling of empowerment.
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"Depends on what it was, surely? If you knew someone murdered someone, you'd tell the police surely? And the way people gossip, kinda suggests the vast majority do tell if they think they can get away with it. "
I've had people start conversations with me either through messages or face to face and they lead with, "I know you don't like gossip but......".
I've always said nothing surprises me anymore so it never comes as a shock when people complain on here about false rumours spread about them or how they've received messages from strangers who seem to know a lot more about them than they should.
I'm not surprised because I've seen who is in their social circle and how loose their lips are.
The fact that anyone would trust a secret to someone who has the inside scoop on everyone else's secrets says a lot about them. |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Depends. If it was something dangerous or illegal…
Loyalty looms large in my life though
Where does loyalty come into it, if the thing is about you?
Would you rather they stay loyal, or break that and tell you?
It feels like you have an idea/example of what this ‘thing’ is, and since I don’t, I can’t give a complete and informed response."
Well to use a Fabism.
If one of the cliques started talking about you in a negative way, would you rather someone told you and break with the clique or stay loyal? |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"No I’d write it down and keep it in my little filing cabinet to use as ammo at a later date if needed
The old passive aggressive never let them forget filing cabinet?
Always keep receipts "
And return it with interest? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends. If it was something dangerous or illegal…
Loyalty looms large in my life though
Where does loyalty come into it, if the thing is about you?
Would you rather they stay loyal, or break that and tell you?
It feels like you have an idea/example of what this ‘thing’ is, and since I don’t, I can’t give a complete and informed response.
Well to use a Fabism.
If one of the cliques started talking about you in a negative way, would you rather someone told you and break with the clique or stay loyal?"
That’s an easy no, then. I don’t believe there is anything to gain from spreading negativity/having it pushed on me. |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I've had people start conversations with me either through messages or face to face and they lead with, "I know you don't like gossip but......".
I've always said nothing surprises me anymore so it never comes as a shock when people complain on here about false rumours spread about them or how they've received messages from strangers who seem to know a lot more about them than they should.
I'm not surprised because I've seen who is in their social circle and how loose their lips are.
The fact that anyone would trust a secret to someone who has the inside scoop on everyone else's secrets says a lot about them. "
Years ago I remember spending a weekend with a lovely lady in London, and some of the down time was spent with her telling me all about the other people she had met as well as those that had cancelled on her |
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"Depends. If it was something dangerous or illegal…
Loyalty looms large in my life though
Where does loyalty come into it, if the thing is about you?
Would you rather they stay loyal, or break that and tell you?
It feels like you have an idea/example of what this ‘thing’ is, and since I don’t, I can’t give a complete and informed response.
Well to use a Fabism.
If one of the cliques started talking about you in a negative way, would you rather someone told you and break with the clique or stay loyal?"
My experience of this over the years is that people I didn't know at the time have contacted me to say how my name was being tossed around in group chats.
I have found that while some of these groups aren't as tight-knit as they like to think and individuals within will warn others, there is often a deliberate reason to do this and ingratiate themselves with the person they are warning.
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Depends. If it was something dangerous or illegal…
Loyalty looms large in my life though
Where does loyalty come into it, if the thing is about you?
Would you rather they stay loyal, or break that and tell you?
It feels like you have an idea/example of what this ‘thing’ is, and since I don’t, I can’t give a complete and informed response.
Well to use a Fabism.
If one of the cliques started talking about you in a negative way, would you rather someone told you and break with the clique or stay loyal?
That’s an easy no, then. I don’t believe there is anything to gain from spreading negativity/having it pushed on me."
Even if sharing could have saved you from the waitstaff ogling social? |
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"Totally would do yes....... why follow the crowd ha ha
Gossip makes the world more fun after all - unless its about you
I usually start those rumours off though, amuses me how quick they go full circle and how many believe them ha ha ha "
They are fun |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"My experience of this over the years is that people I didn't know at the time have contacted me to say how my name was being tossed around in group chats.
I have found that while some of these groups aren't as tight-knit as they like to think and individuals within will warn others, there is often a deliberate reason to do this and ingratiate themselves with the person they are warning.
"
Have you had experience where the aim has been not to ingratiate themselves with you, but more to disrupt others, such as leading to you viewing other people differently?
Not meeting them, ever/again? |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Totally would do yes....... why follow the crowd ha ha
Gossip makes the world more fun after all - unless its about you
I usually start those rumours off though, amuses me how quick they go full circle and how many believe them ha ha ha "
You mean like how certain people have certain photos on their profile |
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" I think most people just like to feel important and that they are somehow special. I think many like others to know they have been trusted with something special. You see this in other social media more, for example when someone announces they are pregnant there is often the friend who'll post I've known ages but congratulations. I think much of life is like a big game of top trumps.
Good point on the whole top trumps thing.
People do like to feel important, and so bragging about knowing something that no one else does can lead to a feeling of empowerment.
"
People do like to feel important in some way or another think it's human nature. Always found top trumps a bit of a dull game, so I avoid it as much as possible. |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"People do like to feel important in some way or another think it's human nature. Always found top trumps a bit of a dull game, so I avoid it as much as possible. "
Spoiling movies and books is a bug bear of mine. People do it to annoy others, but also to feel special as they were “first”. |
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"My experience of this over the years is that people I didn't know at the time have contacted me to say how my name was being tossed around in group chats.
I have found that while some of these groups aren't as tight-knit as they like to think and individuals within will warn others, there is often a deliberate reason to do this and ingratiate themselves with the person they are warning.
Have you had experience where the aim has been not to ingratiate themselves with you, but more to disrupt others, such as leading to you viewing other people differently?
Not meeting them, ever/again?"
Not so far because strangely I've never met any of the people I've been told are talking about me.
I have had messages asking what I've done in relation to a dr*nken rant a woman posted on the forums a couple of months ago?
I don't know the poster and had never seen her before that thread and she was well outside all my filters but due to one of many spelling mistakes in the post some people put two and two together and came up with 7 and contacted others to say I was the person she was having the rant about.
They in turn decided to get in touch to find out the gossip. |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I’d test and might take action it but no I wouldn’t tell.
My observations here, If you tell , you stop being told the truth & important stuff and people just pass gossip through you."
And so the trick is to ensure that your trustworthiness is kept intact, while passing on the information.
Like spies… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only tell my friend Sarah, but that’s ok as she lives in a wee room in my head and sees no one, so won’t go any further
Serious head back on now, would all depend on the circumstances but most of everyday occurrences, definitely not
I tell my friend Sarah everything…. And I mean everything "
Your Sarah must be a very trusted soul then  |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Even if sharing could have saved you from the waitstaff ogling social?
That scenario really tickled you, huh"
Not really.
Its just a thing I read.
Same as the lady who gave some chap 7 chances to meet and each time he cancelled on her. |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I only tell my friend Sarah, but that’s ok as she lives in a wee room in my head and sees no one, so won’t go any further
Serious head back on now, would all depend on the circumstances but most of everyday occurrences, definitely not
I tell my friend Sarah everything…. And I mean everything
Your Sarah must be a very trusted soul then "
My Sarah’s bigger than your Sarah |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Not so far because strangely I've never met any of the people I've been told are talking about me.
I have had messages asking what I've done in relation to a dr*nken rant a woman posted on the forums a couple of months ago?
I don't know the poster and had never seen her before that thread and she was well outside all my filters but due to one of many spelling mistakes in the post some people put two and two together and came up with 7 and contacted others to say I was the person she was having the rant about.
They in turn decided to get in touch to find out the gossip. "
Mistaken identity. Thats a good reason for people to talk about you |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Omerta is king unless the receiving end is in pain, be it psychologically or physically.
"
I'd never heard of omerta before, love learning a new word. Thank you!
It's situational OP. Am I going to tell my emotional support pug about any shitty behaviour I receive directly?
Yep.
But quite a lot I choose not to share. It could be because of the nature of it. The person who told me. The person who it's about. Sometimes I question why people tell me certain things. I can understand if I think x is x to a certain degree and they know categorically it's y to nth degree. But that's situational.
So yeah, tl; dr. Situational. |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Omerta is king unless the receiving end is in pain, be it psychologically or physically.
I'd never heard of omerta before, love learning a new word. Thank you!
It's situational OP. Am I going to tell my emotional support pug about any shitty behaviour I receive directly?
Yep.
But quite a lot I choose not to share. It could be because of the nature of it. The person who told me. The person who it's about. Sometimes I question why people tell me certain things. I can understand if I think x is x to a certain degree and they know categorically it's y to nth degree. But that's situational.
So yeah, tl; dr. Situational."
Do you find that more people tell you things about others or about yourself?
Do you ever ask them why they are sharing, or just question yourself? Obviously you would have to determine if you believe what they tell you. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"So yeah, tl; dr. Situational.
Do you find that more people tell you things about others or about yourself?
Do you ever ask them why they are sharing, or just question yourself? Obviously you would have to determine if you believe what they tell you."
Well, very few know very much about me. I can count on one hand, after a decade on here, people who know my surname. Home life. Etc. And I don't really tend to feature in gossip because I'm quite private. Like I said above, I'll tell my ESP things/my mood because she understands me in a very rare way (and we have a very strange bond) but I think generally I'm not on many radars. If any. So there's not really much to share about me. :D
Sometimes I ask people. Sometimes I just know. We're all fallible aren't we? Prone to the kaleidoscope of human emotions; whether that's hurt, anger, jealousy, disappointment, etc. To not acting in an ideal way. And those who do tell see me as a safe space to do so. Or find it amusing. Want to get something off their chest. I get it. |
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I used to chat to someone who was obsessed with what everyone else was doing.
She told me lots of tales about others and I challenged the vast majority of what she said partly because I couldn't care less and partly because a lot of it sounded unbelievable.
She always had plenty of evidence to back it up including screenshots of messages she had with them and people they knew.
When she started to send me unsolicited facepics and personal details of these people I stopped chatting completely.
As I said earlier, I didn't know any of the people she was talking about so her opinion was never going to influence my decision to meet them or not but it obviously didn't affect her decision to meet and verify them all since.
I'd be curious to know if they would be so gushing in their verifications if they knew who was sitting the pot? |
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"No never tell! Frustrating as that is at times x
Does the need to shout it from the rooftops make you restless?"
Yes it does! I have promised to tell people at work stuff when I retire in 6 months! But on hindsight am not going to b able to as it will resemble throwing in a hand grenade and stepping back! The secrets are that entwined! Will have to stay secrets x |
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No, not because I am a good person,but because I don't really care about gossip. I always seem to have the wrong answer when people tell me celebrity news, and I say "Oh, that's good" when I'm meant to think it's bad, and vice versa. Never understand reality shows, for similar reasons.
So tell me your secrets, by all means. They are safe. But there'll be no special satisfaction, either, because I'll have a super-disappointing reaction to your hot insider info. |
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"People do like to feel important in some way or another think it's human nature. Always found top trumps a bit of a dull game, so I avoid it as much as possible.
Spoiling movies and books is a bug bear of mine. People do it to annoy others, but also to feel special as they were “first”."
Yes exactly that, I think it's inherent in some people. I don't necessarily think they're trying maliciously to be a twat. But I think it's kind of ingrained in their psyche somehow. |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I used to chat to someone who was obsessed with what everyone else was doing.
She told me lots of tales about others and I challenged the vast majority of what she said partly because I couldn't care less and partly because a lot of it sounded unbelievable.
She always had plenty of evidence to back it up including screenshots of messages she had with them and people they knew.
When she started to send me unsolicited facepics and personal details of these people I stopped chatting completely.
As I said earlier, I didn't know any of the people she was talking about so her opinion was never going to influence my decision to meet them or not but it obviously didn't affect her decision to meet and verify them all since.
I'd be curious to know if they would be so gushing in their verifications if they knew who was sitting the pot?"
There is that.
If people knew the truth about what someone was like would they be so eager to interact with them? |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Yes exactly that, I think it's inherent in some people. I don't necessarily think they're trying maliciously to be a twat. But I think it's kind of ingrained in their psyche somehow. "
A desire to be validated, elevated or valued in some way because they are the holders of secret knowledge! Like priests in Ancient times…
Oh by the way, the Titanic sinks at the end! |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"No never tell! Frustrating as that is at times x
Does the need to shout it from the rooftops make you restless?
Yes it does! I have promised to tell people at work stuff when I retire in 6 months! But on hindsight am not going to b able to as it will resemble throwing in a hand grenade and stepping back! The secrets are that entwined! Will have to stay secrets x"
See how you feel on your last day. A lot can happen to change your mind in 6 months  |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
" I don't really tend to feature in gossip because I'm quite private. Like I said above, I'll tell my ESP things/my mood because she understands me in a very rare way (and we have a very strange bond) but I think generally I'm not on many radars. If any. So there's not really much to share about me. :D
Sometimes I ask people. Sometimes I just know. We're all fallible aren't we? Prone to the kaleidoscope of human emotions; whether that's hurt, anger, jealousy, disappointment, etc. To not acting in an ideal way. And those who do tell see me as a safe space to do so. Or find it amusing. Want to get something off their chest. I get it. "
Thats not what I heard…..
Its good that people can see you as a safe space to share things with. I also understand that emotions can inform whether we share or not. From seeking out another's opinion on a given situation that is affecting us to wanting to cause distress and harm. |
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"Yes exactly that, I think it's inherent in some people. I don't necessarily think they're trying maliciously to be a twat. But I think it's kind of ingrained in their psyche somehow.
A desire to be validated, elevated or valued in some way because they are the holders of secret knowledge! Like priests in Ancient times…
Oh by the way, the Titanic sinks at the end!"
You what!! Oh for the love of fet  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
" I don't really tend to feature in gossip because I'm quite private. Like I said above, I'll tell my ESP things/my mood because she understands me in a very rare way (and we have a very strange bond) but I think generally I'm not on many radars. If any. So there's not really much to share about me. :D
Sometimes I ask people. Sometimes I just know. We're all fallible aren't we? Prone to the kaleidoscope of human emotions; whether that's hurt, anger, jealousy, disappointment, etc. To not acting in an ideal way. And those who do tell see me as a safe space to do so. Or find it amusing. Want to get something off their chest. I get it.
Thats not what I heard…..
Its good that people can see you as a safe space to share things with. I also understand that emotions can inform whether we share or not. From seeking out another's opinion on a given situation that is affecting us to wanting to cause distress and harm."
Oh I like that I am featured! Gosh. I feel touched. Bet it's about my beautiful choice in penis wielding companions. 
Yes, it's good you're able to understand it. I think we've probably all told or shared at some point in our life. I'm not saying it can't be problematic more, it's understandable. To an extent! |
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
" Oh I like that I am featured! Gosh. I feel touched. Bet it's about my beautiful choice in penis wielding companions.
Yes, it's good you're able to understand it. I think we've probably all told or shared at some point in our life. I'm not saying it can't be problematic more, it's understandable. To an extent! "
Never play yourself down, you are far more an interesting topic than the company you keep!
Sharing can be cathartic for some, regardless of the intent.
Sometimes people force their secrets on you, without checking first that you want to hear them.
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By *etcpl OP Couple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Oh by the way, the Titanic sinks at the end!
You what!! Oh for the love of fet
Snape kills Dumbledore…
Hate Harry Potter I can live with that
Leia is Luke’s sister!
You've crossed a line now "
You think thats bad. Wait until you hear who Luke and Leia’s dad is… |
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