FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Hot waiting staff
Hot waiting staff
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Picture the scene. A fabber goes for a drink with another fabber, all going well.
They start an enthusiastic conversation about how hot one of the waiting staff is, complete with trying to get another look.
Do you join in, because fuck it, you’re hot and it doesn’t affect how hot you are?
Or do you feel slighted? Disappointed that you can’t hold their attention? |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Picture the scene. A fabber goes for a drink with another fabber, all going well.
They start an enthusiastic conversation about how hot one of the waiting staff is, complete with trying to get another look.
Do you join in, because fuck it, you’re hot and it doesn’t affect how hot you are?
Or do you feel slighted? Disappointed that you can’t hold their attention?"
well you obviously felt under appreciated and if I were with you my attention would be on you lol  |
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I'd finish my drink and leave. I understand that swinging is not about exclusivity but I don't expect or appreciate having other attractive people pointed out to me in those circumstances.
I'm not bothered at any other time, in fact Mr N and I will often point out attractive people to each other. On a social drink with someone I've just met? Nah |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nither
Would probably put me off completely
For ogling someone at they work place
They should be able to work on peace without
Being the object off being sexualised |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they were more enthusiastic about hot waiting stuff than my company in this slightly immature manner, yes I'd feel a bit disrespected.
If it was a passing joke/comment and took seconds, I'd let it slide. Not if they kept looking for their eye contact etc. Ugh. |
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It’s essentially a date…if they can’t have respect for you whilst on a date, in front of you then what respect would they have behind your back…
This is a swinging site and so exclusivity isn’t really a thing but you still want to made feel that you’re the only one they are thinking of at that moment.
K
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Now this is something that irks me, not just in relation to Fab meets, but any one on one situation. I find it really disrespectful if someone I'm giving my time and attention to would rather direct a good proportion of their time and attention to others or their phone.
The pointing out of someone attractive wouldn't bother me (I'd likely agree), but as a fleeting aside, not being rude and directing their attention elsewhere. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Picture the scene. A fabber goes for a drink with another fabber, all going well.
They start an enthusiastic conversation about how hot one of the waiting staff is, complete with trying to get another look.
Do you join in, because fuck it, you’re hot and it doesn’t affect how hot you are?
Or do you feel slighted? Disappointed that you can’t hold their attention?"
Whats the context of the meet.
Purely friends/social or the potential to take it further
If its just friends then I’d join in.
If it was to see if you were compatible for something else, I’d make a comment about it and see how they react. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Picture the scene. A fabber goes for a drink with another fabber, all going well.
They start an enthusiastic conversation about how hot one of the waiting staff is, complete with trying to get another look.
Do you join in, because fuck it, you’re hot and it doesn’t affect how hot you are?
Or do you feel slighted? Disappointed that you can’t hold their attention?
Whats the context of the meet.
Purely friends/social or the potential to take it further
If its just friends then I’d join in.
If it was to see if you were compatible for something else, I’d make a comment about it and see how they react."
The potential to take it further. What would you say? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think it’s a kind of test? Or totally oblivious?"
depends some folk have zero awareness of whats in front of em if its a test id sooner give em a rubix cube
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It actually happened to me, it was a meet with a potential to go further.
At first I thought I’d join in because I’m a hopeless people pleaser but then realisation came that
a) those people are working and it’s just unfair to them
b) I felt really down and defeated.
It put me off meeting people completely and I still haven’t bounced back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well, if it was a meet with the potential to go further, for us to have sex and more dates then I'd be pretty fucked off. I think it’s disrespectful more than anything, unless you've expressed interest in involving others.
I'd wish him good luck and be out of the door.
Now there's absolutely nothing wrong with him finding someone else attractive, but making a point of it and trying to catch her gaze when you are supposed to be spending time together is a bit of a red flag for me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Picture the scene. A fabber goes for a drink with another fabber, all going well.
They start an enthusiastic conversation about how hot one of the waiting staff is, complete with trying to get another look.
Do you join in, because fuck it, you’re hot and it doesn’t affect how hot you are?
Or do you feel slighted? Disappointed that you can’t hold their attention?"
Did this happen to you red?  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Do you think it’s a kind of test? Or totally oblivious?"
If it's some kind of test, fuck that. Can't stand that nonsense.
I think some people are completely oblivious and will happily bang on about how attractive others are. I don't mind if it's a couple sort of thing, we're both making a passing comment/I'm dating the person but I'm with MrsNiceCouple. If they can't be arsed to keep focus on me and we're meeting for the first time, I'll be making quick excuses. |
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"Do you think it’s a kind of test? Or totally oblivious?
If it's some kind of test, fuck that. Can't stand that nonsense.
I think some people are completely oblivious and will happily bang on about how attractive others are. I don't mind if it's a couple sort of thing, we're both making a passing comment/I'm dating the person but I'm with MrsNiceCouple. If they can't be arsed to keep focus on me and we're meeting for the first time, I'll be making quick excuses."
We were at a social once chatting to a guy. He kept scanning the room over my shoulder. I fully appreciate that there are better options out there but don't damn well seek them out while you're talking to me.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Do you think it’s a kind of test? Or totally oblivious?
If it's some kind of test, fuck that. Can't stand that nonsense.
I think some people are completely oblivious and will happily bang on about how attractive others are. I don't mind if it's a couple sort of thing, we're both making a passing comment/I'm dating the person but I'm with MrsNiceCouple. If they can't be arsed to keep focus on me and we're meeting for the first time, I'll be making quick excuses.
We were at a social once chatting to a guy. He kept scanning the room over my shoulder. I fully appreciate that there are better options out there but don't damn well seek them out while you're talking to me.
"
Yes, it's so incredibly rude isn't it? How difficult is it to give someone your focus? My worst social involved someone actually taking out their phone, logging on to Fab and then proceeding to tell me about how hot one of my friends was.
Unsurprisingly I didn't want to take it further. Surprising for him. Unsurprising for the normal people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd walk out on him"
Same
Plus have more respect for workers most on shitty wages we complain about ours
Least they deserve a large tip and respect only my opinion of coarse
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Twas me. Not the first time it’s happened, either. Definitely felt like I’d had my handbag shat in 
Not a woe is me thing, I genuinely wanted to know if I was being over sensitive.
I hadn’t even looked at the waiting staff in that way, because, you know - I was focused on who I was with  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Twas me. Not the first time it’s happened, either. Definitely felt like I’d had my handbag shat in
Not a woe is me thing, I genuinely wanted to know if I was being over sensitive.
I hadn’t even looked at the waiting staff in that way, because, you know - I was focused on who I was with "
Red - you know you're a babe! The guy was probably trying to be funny OR just really doesn't understand how to do basic meets. His loss, if he didn't get any further anyway! |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Whats the context of the meet.
Purely friends/social or the potential to take it further
If its just friends then I’d join in.
If it was to see if you were compatible for something else, I’d make a comment about it and see how they react.
The potential to take it further. What would you say?"
Was it the first time you met them, or do you already have a friendly relationship when you can be flirtatious like that?
What is the personality of the person you are meeting like? Is he a “player” or trying to be?
I’d likely just think why would I want to do anything with them, unless it was for a definite one off and they hit all the buttons. |
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"Twas me. Not the first time it’s happened, either. Definitely felt like I’d had my handbag shat in
Not a woe is me thing, I genuinely wanted to know if I was being over sensitive.
I hadn’t even looked at the waiting staff in that way, because, you know - I was focused on who I was with "
Don't think you've been over sensitive in the slightest.
I've had geezers do similar and think it's not only ok but got the green light on it because I've "had 3somes"
Like, dude, if that was the case I would have mentioned that was my intention, but hitting on wait staff while supposedly getting to know YOU was never, nor never will be my intention.
To me it's no less disrespectful than when they ask you if you've got a mate that can join. Rude. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Twas me. Not the first time it’s happened, either. Definitely felt like I’d had my handbag shat in
Not a woe is me thing, I genuinely wanted to know if I was being over sensitive.
I hadn’t even looked at the waiting staff in that way, because, you know - I was focused on who I was with "
Can’t wait to read his veri |
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That's presumptuous, if you brought up the topic I'd flow with it, but to meet someone whether a swinger or otherwise and start talking about some hot third party. That's a bad way to go in my estimation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you're both competing to hassle someone at work you sound well suited. "
I didn’t join in. I hadn’t thought about the hotness of the person serving. I’m friendly to staff, but I’m focused on whoever I’m with, regardless of whether it’s friends, family or someone I’m meeting for the first time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't be impressed, its just basic manners to pay attention to the person you are with. Be present.
Plus leering over staff isn't appropriate.
It would turn me off completely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once"
Lol....if you don't like what people say then don't ask....
Your quick to b word those who you dont lol x |
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once"
But you really don't expect to NEED to tell people before you meet them that you're not interested in hearing how attractive they think other people in the vicinity are.
It's kinda basic courtesy not to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it should be enshrined in law that at least one member of any working bar staff should be sexy af.
If I was in government I'd make it part of my manifesto "
Really???
Never mind being capable of their job... as long as they are sexy hey?
What a dickhead comment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
But you really don't expect to NEED to tell people before you meet them that you're not interested in hearing how attractive they think other people in the vicinity are.
It's kinda basic courtesy not to."
True,but it reads like the op was in on saying and playing how hot the server was |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
Lol....if you don't like what people say then don't ask....
Your quick to b word those who you dont lol x"
No need to be a (poo) about it...
That should definitely be an emojii! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it should be enshrined in law that at least one member of any working bar staff should be sexy af.
If I was in government I'd make it part of my manifesto
Really???
Never mind being capable of their job... as long as they are sexy hey?
What a dickhead comment. "
bella getting her growl on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
Lol....if you don't like what people say then don't ask....
Your quick to b word those who you dont lol x
No need to be a (poo) about it...
That should definitely be an emojii! "
Exactly what I said about the thread .....if you ask a question but don't like the answer or opinion dont have a cow man x |
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"Do you think it’s a kind of test? Or totally oblivious?"
If it were you they were ignoring...a test or peacocking.
If it were me then its probably my not being hot enough.
I would call the waiter over and say "This lady has the hots for you. I suggest you swap numbers" as I donned my coat and left. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
Lol....if you don't like what people say then don't ask....
Your quick to b word those who you dont lol x
No need to be a (poo) about it...
That should definitely be an emojii!
Exactly what I said about the thread .....if you ask a question but don't like the answer or opinion dont have a cow man x"
No. 'I' found your comments unnecessarily unpleasant, hope that clears any misconception up. |
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
But you really don't expect to NEED to tell people before you meet them that you're not interested in hearing how attractive they think other people in the vicinity are.
It's kinda basic courtesy not to.
True,but it reads like the op was in on saying and playing how hot the server was"
Thats not how I read it at all.
Reads to me that the person the OP is with is who is being referred to as "they" in reference to starting an enthusiastic convo about the server, hence asking if you were in that position, what would do/how would you feel? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
Lol....if you don't like what people say then don't ask....
Your quick to b word those who you dont lol x
No need to be a (poo) about it...
That should definitely be an emojii!
Exactly what I said about the thread .....if you ask a question but don't like the answer or opinion dont have a cow man x
No. 'I' found your comments unnecessarily unpleasant, hope that clears any misconception up."
Oh I got it....I just found yours the same x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
But you really don't expect to NEED to tell people before you meet them that you're not interested in hearing how attractive they think other people in the vicinity are.
It's kinda basic courtesy not to.
True,but it reads like the op was in on saying and playing how hot the server was
Thats not how I read it at all.
Reads to me that the person the OP is with is who is being referred to as "they" in reference to starting an enthusiastic convo about the server, hence asking if you were in that position, what would do/how would you feel?"
But the op mentions joining in.... |
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
But you really don't expect to NEED to tell people before you meet them that you're not interested in hearing how attractive they think other people in the vicinity are.
It's kinda basic courtesy not to.
True,but it reads like the op was in on saying and playing how hot the server was
Thats not how I read it at all.
Reads to me that the person the OP is with is who is being referred to as "they" in reference to starting an enthusiastic convo about the server, hence asking if you were in that position, what would do/how would you feel?
But the op mentions joining in...."
Only in asking how other people would react. |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once"
Honestly if its happened more than once then I still think it's more a reflection pf men than the woman meeting them.
It's telling that no man has commented yet saying a woman has ever done this to them. I think it is a behaviour while not commen is fairly typical of a certain type of man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
But you really don't expect to NEED to tell people before you meet them that you're not interested in hearing how attractive they think other people in the vicinity are.
It's kinda basic courtesy not to.
True,but it reads like the op was in on saying and playing how hot the server was
Thats not how I read it at all.
Reads to me that the person the OP is with is who is being referred to as "they" in reference to starting an enthusiastic convo about the server, hence asking if you were in that position, what would do/how would you feel?
But the op mentions joining in....
Only in asking how other people would react. "
Mmmmm not quite clear on if thats what they mean....but I will side with caution and withdraw all my previous remarks |
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With your fantastic figure, attractive face and such seductive dress sense, I'd be very surprised if they even dared to look elsewhere. A quick glance and appreciative comment is one thing but what you've described is so unacceptable, they should have lost any chance of taking anything further. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Imagine getting upset about this and not seeing it as a joke and a bit of fun.
And obviously I'd want them to be good at their job as well  "
Imagine messaging someone and being rude, whilst thinking you were being amusing.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It actually happened to me, it was a meet with a potential to go further.
At first I thought I’d join in because I’m a hopeless people pleaser but then realisation came that
a) those people are working and it’s just unfair to them
b) I felt really down and defeated.
It put me off meeting people completely and I still haven’t bounced back."
Ohh that sucks. I am sorry to hear it had a long term effect on you. Hug! |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"Imagine getting upset about this and not seeing it as a joke and a bit of fun.
And obviously I'd want them to be good at their job as well "
How's it a joke or fun?
Why do you think people shouldn't be upset? Would you honestly comment on a stranger being for ro someone you were on a first meet with and think that was okay? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So based on the pool of people who’ve responded here, the consensus is that we expect to hold someone’s attention on a first meeting, without them making comments on attractive people in the vicinity. Everyone deserves that focus, in my view.
But thanks to the renegades inferring I’m also possibly not good enough. Gotcha  |
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By *eff4000Man
over a year ago
Camberley |
"So based on the pool of people who’ve responded here, the consensus is that we expect to hold someone’s attention on a first meeting, without them making comments on attractive people in the vicinity. Everyone deserves that focus, in my view.
But thanks to the renegades inferring I’m also possibly not good enough. Gotcha "
Fyi I hope you didn't feel my 'cant take a joke' comment was directed at you, I was just being silly and then didn't quote reply properly.
It's outrageous that someone would do it to you and anyone else and if it happened to me I'd just get up and leave. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're both competing to hassle someone at work you sound well suited.
I didn’t join in. I hadn’t thought about the hotness of the person serving. I’m friendly to staff, but I’m focused on whoever I’m with, regardless of whether it’s friends, family or someone I’m meeting for the first time."
Apologies, I misunderstood. You said 'They start an enthusiastic conversation about how hot one of the waiting staff' and I took that to mean both of you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can see it would be hurtful when that happens. On a date, it's not ridiculous to think all your attention should be on each other. If they're making comments about the wait staff, then it makes you wonder if they're already thinking something better is out there. Sorry to hear this happened to you OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cant always blame the other person....if its happened more then once
But you really don't expect to NEED to tell people before you meet them that you're not interested in hearing how attractive they think other people in the vicinity are.
It's kinda basic courtesy not to.
True,but it reads like the op was in on saying and playing how hot the server was
Thats not how I read it at all.
Reads to me that the person the OP is with is who is being referred to as "they" in reference to starting an enthusiastic convo about the server, hence asking if you were in that position, what would do/how would you feel?
But the op mentions joining in....
Only in asking how other people would react.
Mmmmm not quite clear on if thats what they mean....but I will side with caution and withdraw all my previous remarks "
Not sure how you could misunderstand what the OP meant. It's seems perfectly clear but at least you've withdrawn your remarks albeit grudgingly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It would depend on the dynamics we had beforehand. If we had discussed others before, okay. If this was the first time, slightly miffed. Especially if they didn't pick up on any discomfort. Poor EQ isn't a good look for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think it’s a kind of test? Or totally oblivious?"
I couldn't give a crap if it's a test or they're just stupid. Either way it's disrespectful and rude.
Don't take it in any way as a slight against you OP.
Perhaps they assume that a Swinger would happily join in leering at people. You're not compatible whether they did it on purpose or not.
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It's either:
1. A very insecure man doing that weird infantile "hurdurdur lads tits lads" performative masculinity shit to show you how much of a big 100% hetero slab of man he is
2. A very insecure man negging you because he knows you're too good for him so he's going to try bringing you down a peg or two until you feel grateful to be blessed with his godlike company
And ain't nobody got time for either of those |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was on a social with a guy to see if we got on to take it further, and they were paying more attention to someone else I'd want to leave. That's just rude and disrespectful |
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