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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Wanted to get peoples thoughts on cheating ?
Just looked at your profile you won’t get anywhere on here with that mindset"
Sorry I made the profile when I was still all over the place |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's wrong, deceitful, hurtful, selfish, ruins families, ruins people's self confidence.
Mrs "
I know it ruined me left my job because I was working with her family |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's wrong, deceitful, hurtful, selfish, ruins families, ruins people's self confidence.
Mrs
I know it ruined me left my job because I was working with her family "
Sorry this happened to you, hope youre OK  |
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"Wanted to get peoples thoughts on cheating ? "
I think it falls under controlling and coercive behaviour. If you want to play around, give your partner the same opportunity by being honest about it. Anything other than that is essentially gaslighting (you are making your partner believe that all is right with your relationship when it’s not)
I used “you” in my reply as a plural not as a singular (in other words not directly referencing the OP) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you cheat, you never win. You have cheated. Even if you "get away with it", you know .
You will be "less" by cheating.
This is in all things. "
I just never thought it would happen to me I lost home job |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s damaging in so many ways, I don’t think anyone would say anything positive about cheating "
I should have worded it better I’ve been cheated on and now I’m going through a divorce but feel so lost |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wanted to get peoples thoughts on cheating ?
I think it falls under controlling and coercive behaviour. If you want to play around, give your partner the same opportunity by being honest about it. Anything other than that is essentially gaslighting (you are making your partner believe that all is right with your relationship when it’s not)
I used “you” in my reply as a plural not as a singular (in other words not directly referencing the OP) "
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start:
Unlocks all the vagina |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's wrong, deceitful, hurtful, selfish, ruins families, ruins people's self confidence.
Mrs
I know it ruined me left my job because I was working with her family
Sorry this happened to you, hope youre OK "
Thank you but not really it was 9 months ago now but only come out of whatever hole I was in trying to be me again and be happy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just wanted to say I have not cheated I’ve been cheated on this was a while back but I’ve only started talking about it openly and wanted to see people’s thoughts on it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s totally the wrong thing to do to someone you are supposed to love. If you fancy someone else then break up and then sleep with them if they are still around: |
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"It’s damaging in so many ways, I don’t think anyone would say anything positive about cheating
I should have worded it better I’ve been cheated on and now I’m going through a divorce but feel so lost "
Sorry, yes, I gathered that was what had happened. Hope it all works out for you |
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"Just wanted to say I have not cheated I’ve been cheated on this was a while back but I’ve only started talking about it openly and wanted to see people’s thoughts on it "
I think it's damaging to a relationship under certain circumstances but I'm not prepared to say it's so in every relationship. I also think that there are two sides to every story.
I'm sorry you've been hurt and have lost so much |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Wanted to get peoples thoughts on cheating ? "
Before you act, you have freedom, but after you act, the effect of that action will follow you whether you want it to or not. That is the law of karma. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah did it, and lost the best relationship I ever had.
Look I’m not saying don’t do it, that’s entirely left the person doing it, but what I am saying is use me as a warning. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The lowest of the low - totally shatters confidence, the ability to trust again it breaks people into pieces that they spend years trying to mend. I have zero tolerance for it x"
I know I wish she would of just left me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s totally the wrong thing to do to someone you are supposed to love. If you fancy someone else then break up and then sleep with them if they are still around:"
My thoughts exactly |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Wanted to get peoples thoughts on cheating ?
Before you act, you have freedom, but after you act, the effect of that action will follow you whether you want it to or not. That is the law of karma."
Thanks for that my best bet is moving in but it’s hard when you have been with someone for years |
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"If you cheat, you never win. You have cheated. Even if you "get away with it", you know .
You will be "less" by cheating.
This is in all things.
I just never thought it would happen to me I lost home job "
Yes. But you retained your integrity. She will lose in the end. You will keep your self respect.
That is a good basis to carry on your life. When you look in the mirror, you don't need to avoid eye contact. The same when you see her.
She won't hold your gaze. She will feel shame. |
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Completely devastating and the ultimate act of selfish behaviour. It can tear someones life, confidence and peace of mind apart for what could be as little as one moment of sexual gratification.
Hope you’re ok OP. My advice would be to take plenty of time to heal and get as much support as you need  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my rather hard won experience the very first thing that you need to do before you will start to make any headway on your life recovery is learn how to forgive yourself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start:
Unlocks all the vagina"
Ha ha konami code |
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"In my rather hard won experience the very first thing that you need to do before you will start to make any headway on your life recovery is learn how to forgive yourself "
I think that's something that's extremely overlooked and probably one of the hardest hurdles to clear.
I'm well aware there are plenty of folks out there who aren't cheats and won't cheat, but in not forgiving myself for putting my faith in others who aren't in that bracket, just the thought of having sex again fills me with nausea and panic.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start:
Unlocks all the vagina"
That would do the trick  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In my rather hard won experience the very first thing that you need to do before you will start to make any headway on your life recovery is learn how to forgive yourself
I think that's something that's extremely overlooked and probably one of the hardest hurdles to clear.
I'm well aware there are plenty of folks out there who aren't cheats and won't cheat, but in not forgiving myself for putting my faith in others who aren't in that bracket, just the thought of having sex again fills me with nausea and panic.
"
There ya go. On top of feeling stupid in fact moronic swinging into irrational |
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"Wanted to get peoples thoughts on cheating ?
I think it falls under controlling and coercive behaviour. If you want to play around, give your partner the same opportunity by being honest about it. Anything other than that is essentially gaslighting (you are making your partner believe that all is right with your relationship when it’s not)
I used “you” in my reply as a plural not as a singular (in other words not directly referencing the OP) "
I wish this POV was more widespread. I think repeated infidelity is absolutely a form of emotional abuse. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you cheat, you never win. You have cheated. Even if you "get away with it", you know .
You will be "less" by cheating.
This is in all things.
I just never thought it would happen to me I lost home job
Yes. But you retained your integrity. She will lose in the end. You will keep your self respect.
That is a good basis to carry on your life. When you look in the mirror, you don't need to avoid eye contact. The same when you see her.
She won't hold your gaze. She will feel shame. "
Thank you that helped me out cause I never looked at it like that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Completely devastating and the ultimate act of selfish behaviour. It can tear someones life, confidence and peace of mind apart for what could be as little as one moment of sexual gratification.
Hope you’re ok OP. My advice would be to take plenty of time to heal and get as much support as you need "
Thank you means a lot and I found support but it still hurts bad |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In my rather hard won experience the very first thing that you need to do before you will start to make any headway on your life recovery is learn how to forgive yourself "
Thank you for the support |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wanted to get peoples thoughts on cheating ?
I think it falls under controlling and coercive behaviour. If you want to play around, give your partner the same opportunity by being honest about it. Anything other than that is essentially gaslighting (you are making your partner believe that all is right with your relationship when it’s not)
I used “you” in my reply as a plural not as a singular (in other words not directly referencing the OP)
I wish this POV was more widespread. I think repeated infidelity is absolutely a form of emotional abuse."
Correct |
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"Completely devastating and the ultimate act of selfish behaviour. It can tear someones life, confidence and peace of mind apart for what could be as little as one moment of sexual gratification.
Hope you’re ok OP. My advice would be to take plenty of time to heal and get as much support as you need
Thank you means a lot and I found support but it still hurts bad "
Unfortunately it will hurt a lot for a while, but in time the hurt will start to fade. Glad to hear that you have some support. Try and stay busy, do things that make you feel good (spending time with friends, the gym, any hobbies you enjoy). You’ll be feeling better in no time and there’s always people to chat to on here if your mind starts wandering, day or night.
I know it will be hard to see it like this at the moment, but it’s far better to find out now rather than wasting any more years on someone who doesn’t deserve you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People shouldn't cheat. If your not happy leave or open the relationship up. "
That's very black or white. Many situations are gray!
Imagine being me. I'm stuck in a sexless marriage that I can't leave without really affecting the lives of my children. I can't address the issues, open up the relationship, through discussion with my wife because she doesn't want to open anything up, not even to agree that we can both see others. I earn really good money and she and the kids have a nice lifestyle, as do I, and as far as any outsider can tell, we're a nice family.
She's also "cheating", but it's discreet if apparent to me from charges that appear on our bank statements.
So if I have sex with other women or form relationships with them, am I cheating? Or is not really because we're kind of aware, even if it hasn't been made explicit?
I don't think I am. I have come across many women in this situation and presume that there are men also in this situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People shouldn't cheat. If your not happy leave or open the relationship up.
That's very black or white. Many situations are gray!
Imagine being me. I'm stuck in a sexless marriage that I can't leave without really affecting the lives of my children. I can't address the issues, open up the relationship, through discussion with my wife because she doesn't want to open anything up, not even to agree that we can both see others. I earn really good money and she and the kids have a nice lifestyle, as do I, and as far as any outsider can tell, we're a nice family.
She's also "cheating", but it's discreet if apparent to me from charges that appear on our bank statements.
So if I have sex with other women or form relationships with them, am I cheating? Or is not really because we're kind of aware, even if it hasn't been made explicit?
I don't think I am. I have come across many women in this situation and presume that there are men also in this situation."
Two adults living together whilst being dishonest and unloving with each other may be doing more harm to the children than their parents separating and seeking happiness.
There no excuse for cheating. |
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How does your body react to betrayal?
A betrayed person may experience:
Paranoia. Hypervigilance or feelings that nothing is safe. A sense of inadequacy or embarrassment. Shame or self-blame.
What happens to your brain after betrayal?
Experiencing betrayal, a form of emotional abuse, can cause various post-traumatic stress disorder. Symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares and impaired sleeping, depression, anxiety, brain fog, distrust, dissociation, are common. Betrayed partners often feel as if their reality has been shaken to its core.
I think it's safe to say, healing can be long and arduous, confusing and really fucking hard.
|
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Like other posters here OP, it is a form of emotional abuse, especially when you really love the other person and think it could never happen and she would never hurt you like that.
It happened to me 14 months ago, very long relationship with young children. She went off with another guy hotel organised for the night all planned out. Our youngest was a year old!!
I was devastated confused and truly hurt.
I’m really only coming back to normal now, it’s a rough road OP, and it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better tbh. But as a wise old man said “this to shall pass” just keep thinking how lucky you are to have found out, many don’t!
Just another thing, sorry if I’m hijacking your thread slightly but your story struck a nerve with me
GUYS- we don’t talk enough to each other, we don’t share our burdens or what we’re going through, give a lad an ear to listen for 5 minutes you would be amazed at how helpful it is… women can do it and are great at it but we aren’t but I think that’s changing these days a wee bit..
OP feel free to message me if you want to unload or vent.. I know what your going through lad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cheating on someone is the lowest form of any normal human behaviour, if you're not happy just leave , it's tough ok but not near as bad as cheating or being cheated on . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Completely devastating and the ultimate act of selfish behaviour. It can tear someones life, confidence and peace of mind apart for what could be as little as one moment of sexual gratification.
Hope you’re ok OP. My advice would be to take plenty of time to heal and get as much support as you need
Thank you means a lot and I found support but it still hurts bad
Unfortunately it will hurt a lot for a while, but in time the hurt will start to fade. Glad to hear that you have some support. Try and stay busy, do things that make you feel good (spending time with friends, the gym, any hobbies you enjoy). You’ll be feeling better in no time and there’s always people to chat to on here if your mind starts wandering, day or night.
I know it will be hard to see it like this at the moment, but it’s far better to find out now rather than wasting any more years on someone who doesn’t deserve you "
Thank you your words touched me even though I don’t know you thank you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Wanted to get peoples thoughts on cheating ?
I'm guessing this is the first time you've been in the forum, as this is discussed/berated every week in here...."
Thanks will take a look |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Like other posters here OP, it is a form of emotional abuse, especially when you really love the other person and think it could never happen and she would never hurt you like that.
It happened to me 14 months ago, very long relationship with young children. She went off with another guy hotel organised for the night all planned out. Our youngest was a year old!!
I was devastated confused and truly hurt.
I’m really only coming back to normal now, it’s a rough road OP, and it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better tbh. But as a wise old man said “this to shall pass” just keep thinking how lucky you are to have found out, many don’t!
Just another thing, sorry if I’m hijacking your thread slightly but your story struck a nerve with me
GUYS- we don’t talk enough to each other, we don’t share our burdens or what we’re going through, give a lad an ear to listen for 5 minutes you would be amazed at how helpful it is… women can do it and are great at it but we aren’t but I think that’s changing these days a wee bit..
OP feel free to message me if you want to unload or vent.. I know what your going through lad "
Thank you I have and found support I even talk to Samaritans |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah it sucks and it's not worth it if it is break up with the other person
If you want to swing discuss it "
We are no longer thought we are both just waiting for paperwork |
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One thing I woukd steer clear of is the "support" groups on FB.
I mean, I get why they're there, but in truth all they do is highlight just how prevalent and common cheating is.
I went there looking for others who've been through it and I found them, in abundance. Hundreds of new people joining daily and it was utterly heartbreaking. It didn't help at all, all it did was make me more suspicious of the world around me and the people who inhabit it. It didn't give me hope, it gave me disappointment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Like other posters here OP, it is a form of emotional abuse, especially when you really love the other person and think it could never happen and she would never hurt you like that.
It happened to me 14 months ago, very long relationship with young children. She went off with another guy hotel organised for the night all planned out. Our youngest was a year old!!
I was devastated confused and truly hurt.
I’m really only coming back to normal now, it’s a rough road OP, and it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better tbh. But as a wise old man said “this to shall pass” just keep thinking how lucky you are to have found out, many don’t!
Just another thing, sorry if I’m hijacking your thread slightly but your story struck a nerve with me
GUYS- we don’t talk enough to each other, we don’t share our burdens or what we’re going through, give a lad an ear to listen for 5 minutes you would be amazed at how helpful it is… women can do it and are great at it but we aren’t but I think that’s changing these days a wee bit..
OP feel free to message me if you want to unload or vent.. I know what your going through lad
Thank you I have and found support I even talk to Samaritans "
Best thing you can do is get therapy/ chat to someone who can help you work through your feelings, preventing it becoming unhealthy baggage you bring into other friendships/ relationships. It can bother you in the most random ways. Take care xo |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
It leaves an imprint on people that they carry around forever. Unable to fully trust others.
Yeah they can work on that, but to be honest, they shouldn’t have to. Just be loyal.
And yeah yeah, never judge another person until you’ve walked in their shoes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"One thing I woukd steer clear of is the "support" groups on FB.
I mean, I get why they're there, but in truth all they do is highlight just how prevalent and common cheating is.
I went there looking for others who've been through it and I found them, in abundance. Hundreds of new people joining daily and it was utterly heartbreaking. It didn't help at all, all it did was make me more suspicious of the world around me and the people who inhabit it. It didn't give me hope, it gave me disappointment. "
Thanks and thanks for all your support and comments I tried to message you but your profile is hidden |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Like other posters here OP, it is a form of emotional abuse, especially when you really love the other person and think it could never happen and she would never hurt you like that.
It happened to me 14 months ago, very long relationship with young children. She went off with another guy hotel organised for the night all planned out. Our youngest was a year old!!
I was devastated confused and truly hurt.
I’m really only coming back to normal now, it’s a rough road OP, and it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better tbh. But as a wise old man said “this to shall pass” just keep thinking how lucky you are to have found out, many don’t!
Just another thing, sorry if I’m hijacking your thread slightly but your story struck a nerve with me
GUYS- we don’t talk enough to each other, we don’t share our burdens or what we’re going through, give a lad an ear to listen for 5 minutes you would be amazed at how helpful it is… women can do it and are great at it but we aren’t but I think that’s changing these days a wee bit..
OP feel free to message me if you want to unload or vent.. I know what your going through lad
Thank you I have and found support I even talk to Samaritans
Best thing you can do is get therapy/ chat to someone who can help you work through your feelings, preventing it becoming unhealthy baggage you bring into other friendships/ relationships. It can bother you in the most random ways. Take care xo"
Thank you I appreciate it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It leaves an imprint on people that they carry around forever. Unable to fully trust others.
Yeah they can work on that, but to be honest, they shouldn’t have to. Just be loyal.
And yeah yeah, never judge another person until you’ve walked in their shoes."
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I despise it and everything about it, it is soul destroying and quite frankly no one is ever worth laying awake at night asking why, I understand people might be in sexless marriages and crave intimacy, I know it’s not as simple of just leaving but knowingly engaging in any action that is likely to cause pain and hurt to another in my humble opinion is selfish and cowardly. |
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"Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start:
Unlocks all the vagina"
Isn't this infinite lives on Sonic the hedgehog? Genuinely... |
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