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Meet Etiquette and the forum
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum? How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them? Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch? Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" I wouldn't feel anything unless there had been some kind of agreement for exclusivity. It's swinging after all! | |||
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"I wouldn't feel anything unless there had been some kind of agreement for exclusivity. It's swinging after all!" Forget any talk of exclusivity, would you feel happy that they were meeting others in an overt way or would you feel put out that they just seem to be lining up meet after meet after meet? | |||
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"I assume alot of people would feel jealousy but it's only justified to be upset with the person about it IF they have stated they are only interested in you. Just the nature of the game!" TLDR version charge it to the game | |||
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"No. It is a swinging site were people look for meets. I don't need to be that persons priority. What would put me off is the indiscretion of arranging a meet publically." Would you consider it indiscretion if they were keeping your meet private, but meets with others more public? | |||
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"I tend not to care what others think or write of me. If I am meeting, someone, I am doing it for myself. And if they meet me, I'm obviously good enough for them." Is there any chance that your ego or self esteem could take a knocking if you felt they were happier being overt about meeting someone else but not you? | |||
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"No. It is a swinging site were people look for meets. I don't need to be that persons priority. What would put me off is the indiscretion of arranging a meet publically. Would you consider it indiscretion if they were keeping your meet private, but meets with others more public?" Yes, as then I would wonder if they were telling people in private about our meet. | |||
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"I tend not to care what others think or write of me. If I am meeting, someone, I am doing it for myself. And if they meet me, I'm obviously good enough for them. Is there any chance that your ego or self esteem could take a knocking if you felt they were happier being overt about meeting someone else but not you?" Ah sorry I was coming from a different angle, do you mean it doesn't bother you if they arrange meets publically but they are not mentioning yours? | |||
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"I wouldn't feel anything unless there had been some kind of agreement for exclusivity. It's swinging after all! Forget any talk of exclusivity, would you feel happy that they were meeting others in an overt way or would you feel put out that they just seem to be lining up meet after meet after meet?" No, it wouldn't bother me. | |||
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"No. It is a swinging site were people look for meets. I don't need to be that persons priority. What would put me off is the indiscretion of arranging a meet publically. Would you consider it indiscretion if they were keeping your meet private, but meets with others more public?" I've had a number of one to one socials with people who have not verified me or displayed my verification so I can only assume they don't want anyone to know we have met. That's their perogative but I find it strange that even when I meet those same people at group socials they are content to display veries from others we were both in conversation with but not mine. | |||
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"I tend not to care what others think or write of me. If I am meeting, someone, I am doing it for myself. And if they meet me, I'm obviously good enough for them. Is there any chance that your ego or self esteem could take a knocking if you felt they were happier being overt about meeting someone else but not you? Ah sorry I was coming from a different angle, do you mean it doesn't bother you if they arrange meets publically but they are not mentioning yours?" It could be either. The lack of discretion that they are broadcasting meeting others, and so may be talking about your meets privately. But also how you might feel if they appear more keen to LPP about meeting someone elsr and not you. Would you feel put off, a Plan B, jealous or be happy safe that you are still meeting them? | |||
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum? How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them? Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch? Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" Does it happen? Yes. Should it happen? No. In 14 years I've seen it frequently between singles. Less so with couples. Just a an observation. A | |||
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum? How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them? Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch? Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" This is an interesting topic. Personally I don’t mind. I certainly wouldn’t look at it as being another notch so to speak.. But as someone mentioned below if there was an inference of exclusivity then maybe. The people I have been fortunate to meet and have fun with I enjoy seeing them happy and having fun and even if I’m in their company would (and have) find it quite a turn on seeing them play with others (sorry slightly off topic to the original post) . | |||
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"If I was arranging to meet for a social it wouldn't normally bother me if they were flirting in the forums or arranging other socials. However I will never be anyones plan B or just a number so I wouldn't be impressed if they had multiple socials on the same day and they were clock watching. A long time ago a woman cancelled a social meet due to work pressures but then displayed 2 new verifications the next morning, one of which even mentioned the coffee shop we were supposed to meet in. " I don’t think anyone wants to be a Plan B. But would you feel like a Plan B if you had arranged a meet that was still going to happen (in theory), but then saw them flirting or interacting on the forum with other people but not you? Would you feel out out, or just shrug it off and look forward to seeing them in person? | |||
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"We wouldn't be worried at all, we tend not to cast our net too wide and prefer to befriend people we meet. There's not a limit on friendship and certainly no limit on who others can sleep with "There shouldn’t be. But what behaviour on the forum, if any, could lead to you feeling put out or less enthused to meet someone? | |||
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"I tend not to care what others think or write of me. If I am meeting, someone, I am doing it for myself. And if they meet me, I'm obviously good enough for them. Is there any chance that your ego or self esteem could take a knocking if you felt they were happier being overt about meeting someone else but not you? Ah sorry I was coming from a different angle, do you mean it doesn't bother you if they arrange meets publically but they are not mentioning yours?" I would think that if I wasn't mentioned, I'm seen a bit differently. That's more likely a positive thing because they get who I am. I do have very low ego though. But if they're arranging meets and mentioning post ones publicly on forums or adding a veri the few days before, it's unlikely that I'd be bothered to put the effort into them. That would be more because I'm not interested in being someone that's ticked off a list. | |||
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum? How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them? Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch? Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" Feeling like a priority is a good thing if that's how you want to feel. Feeling obligated because others made you a priority and it wasn't what you were after isn't a good thing. Having fun between consenting adults and talking to eachother is probably a good way to manage expectations and avoid hurting anyone's feelings. Nobody sets out to do that. | |||
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"It wouldn’t and doesn’t bother me at all. " Even if it was someone you really really really really wanted to meet? Someone at the top of your hotlist? is there anything you could see that could make you question why they may be meeting you? | |||
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum?" Not one bit. "How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them?" I'd feel like high-fiving them for being a good flirt. "Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch?" Neither; feeling like a friend would be cool enough. "Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" No, that would be weird and dishonest. Other opinions are available.  | |||
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"If you’re in the forums, you do get a sense of people, and if they’re naturally flirty, I would think it unreasonable for them to be expected to stop that behaviour with others, on here, because they’re meeting someone for a social. However. They don’t have to slap you around the face with it and make you feel like merely an option. Personally, I like to give one person or one couple my attention and I’d like to feel the same in response - even if I know there may be others in the background." So would you see any forum flirting, (hotlist confessions, my mate fancies you etc.) that excluded you as a slap in the face, or would you judge it based on the person and how “popular” they may be? Do you consider forum interaction part of their attention, or just extra curricular activities? Also this isn’t just about a social. If you had arranged a meet that would/could result in sexual activity, and you then saw them flirting with others on the forum, would you feel differently? | |||
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"Nope not at all , this is a swinging site and I don’t expect exclusivity from anyone I see , even if we are regulars . I enjoy hearing about my fab friends adventures and actively encourage them . I joined the site to get away from that kind of thought process . " Compersion is something that it appears some people struggle with, leading to feelings of jealousy, envy, FOMO and can then lead to meets being cancelled and friendships ended. | |||
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum? How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them? Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch? Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" I think it does bother some, it's why you're not allowed to speak to me is it not?  | |||
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"It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, I'd probably wish them a good time at said meet. Mrs " Same | |||
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"Think the only time it used to bother me was if someone was openly flirting or hinting they'd met or going to with others and then blanking or ignoring me on threads after saying different in private or after meeting. Used to give a bit of a sting, now it's water off a ducks back and doesn't bother me. Tg x" I think thats a natural feeling. No one likes being ignored or feeling lesser in someones eyes, in favour of someone else. Even if they were still talking to you in private about a meet, did you still feel a sting? | |||
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum? How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them? Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch? Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them? I think it does bother some, it's why you're not allowed to speak to me is it not? "I would tell you, but…. I’m not allowed to talk to you | |||
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"So would you see any forum flirting, (hotlist confessions, my mate fancies you etc.) that excluded you as a slap in the face, or would you judge it based on the person and how “popular” they may be?" I see those threads as fun, but I do get you, I do sometimes hope certain fabbers will mention my name, and sometimes they don’t and that’s fine. "Do you consider forum interaction part of their attention, or just extra curricular activities" To me, it’s private messages/texting/talking/video/face to face where it’s just me and them. I can’t expect to monopolise people’s attentions in a group forum, and I wouldn’t want to. Because I like being part of something, and I know others do too. "Also this isn’t just about a social. If you had arranged a meet that would/could result in sexual activity, and you then saw them flirting with others on the forum, would you feel differently?" I never assume anything will lead to sex. Real life chemistry is different to getting on well exchanging messages online. I might hope for it, but it’s not certain. That wouldn’t add to those feelings. These are all my own thoughts and feelings though, and coloured by where I am in life, my experiences etc. | |||
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"I have stopped talking to people in the past on the grounds that I don't want to feel like just the next wet hole along on the conveyor belt of a lothario. I'm not naive enough to believe that people aren't meeting others on a swinging site, but when they have their fingers in so many pies that they can't even remember what conversations they've had with who, or when they're obviously talking to more than one person and reply to the wrong chat thread, that's when I checked out - if they couldn't even invest enough interest in me to chat properly, how much (or little) were they going to invest in me during a meet? For instance, would they remember any likes/dislikes and boundaries that we'd discussed, or would they confuse them with those of one of the numerous others that they're lining up? " That is a good point. The potential to conflate one persons desires and boundaries with another’s could be higher if they are talking with many people. However, would you check out based solely on the persons forum interactions with others? What could they do or say that makes you feel like just another wet hole (or not)? | |||
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum? How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them? Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch? Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" I like a bit of decorum to be fair  | |||
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"I have stopped talking to people in the past on the grounds that I don't want to feel like just the next wet hole along on the conveyor belt of a lothario. I'm not naive enough to believe that people aren't meeting others on a swinging site, but when they have their fingers in so many pies that they can't even remember what conversations they've had with who, or when they're obviously talking to more than one person and reply to the wrong chat thread, that's when I checked out - if they couldn't even invest enough interest in me to chat properly, how much (or little) were they going to invest in me during a meet? For instance, would they remember any likes/dislikes and boundaries that we'd discussed, or would they confuse them with those of one of the numerous others that they're lining up? That is a good point. The potential to conflate one persons desires and boundaries with another’s could be higher if they are talking with many people. However, would you check out based solely on the persons forum interactions with others? What could they do or say that makes you feel like just another wet hole (or not)?" General flirting and chatting wouldn't bother me in the slightest. But if they were constantly simping and white knighting, especially if they had conveyed different views to me in private, would make me lose respect for them as a person, and therefore any interest that I may have had in meeting them. | |||
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" I see those threads as fun, but I do get you, I do sometimes hope certain fabbers will mention my name, and sometimes they don’t and that’s fine. To me, it’s private messages/texting/talking/video/face to face where it’s just me and them. I can’t expect to monopolise people’s attentions in a group forum, and I wouldn’t want to. Because I like being part of something, and I know others do too. I never assume anything will lead to sex. Real life chemistry is different to getting on well exchanging messages online. I might hope for it, but it’s not certain. That wouldn’t add to those feelings. These are all my own thoughts and feelings though, and coloured by where I am in life, my experiences etc. " Thank you. Absolutely, there should never be any expectation of sexual activity, however for some people it can be an “almost certainty” based on their conversations and possible prior social interactions. So am I right in thinking that your view is that how people interact on the forum is less important to you than how they are in private? | |||
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"I don't want to meet people with loads of veris for the same reason. I don't care if they've fucked 100 people this week, I just don't want to know about it or have my 'review' added to the list.. "Is your opinion based on visible veris? So if someone had 100 meets in a week but no veri’s would you care? | |||
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"Some people flirt on Forum and some people spread gossip and discontent in private. I'd much rather meet up with the first group ! " Is there not a 3rd group who engage in both? Would you view someone differently if you found out they were part of the 2nd group, especially if you wanted to meet them? | |||
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"Some people flirt on Forum and some people spread gossip and discontent in private. I'd much rather meet up with the first group ! Is there not a 3rd group who engage in both? Would you view someone differently if you found out they were part of the 2nd group, especially if you wanted to meet them? " Thats a fair point and yes, I would avoid the 2nd group in all circumstances. | |||
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"Think the only time it used to bother me was if someone was openly flirting or hinting they'd met or going to with others and then blanking or ignoring me on threads after saying different in private or after meeting. Used to give a bit of a sting, now it's water off a ducks back and doesn't bother me. Tg x I think thats a natural feeling. No one likes being ignored or feeling lesser in someones eyes, in favour of someone else. Even if they were still talking to you in private about a meet, did you still feel a sting?" A slight one, but looking back I think it was just my insecurities feeding into it, they'd be openly flirting with people who were the total opposite to me looks, figure,personality, everything. so it made me doubt myself to whether they were actually genuine and did like me or if they were worried about what others would think if they knew we were talking/meeting. Now I couldn't give a flying fig I'm a different person now to what I was now in how I think of myself Tg x | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. " Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle  | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle "I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward | |||
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"A slight one, but looking back I think it was just my insecurities feeding into it, they'd be openly flirting with people who were the total opposite to me looks, figure,personality, everything. so it made me doubt myself to whether they were actually genuine and did like me or if they were worried about what others would think if they knew we were talking/meeting. Now I couldn't give a flying fig I'm a different person now to what I was now in how I think of myself Tg x" Self doubt can be a fucker, and isn’t helped when in private people tell you one thing, yet their actions say another. Even confident people can feel knocked back at times, especially if their perception of a thing is altered. | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward "I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog *flounce **huff *** slams door | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward
I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog
*flounce
**huff
*** slams door "If you wanna cry on my chest just saying you know, offers there. | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward
I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog
*flounce
**huff
*** slams door "You really know how to hurt me don’t you
Ok ok ok….I’ll eat the bastard lemon drizzle | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward
I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog
*flounce
**huff
*** slams door
If you wanna cry on my chest just saying you know, offers there."What about the snot? | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward
I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog
*flounce
**huff
*** slams door
You really know how to hurt me don’t you
Ok ok ok….I’ll eat the bastard lemon drizzle "TOOOOO LATE | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward
I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog
*flounce
**huff
*** slams door
If you wanna cry on my chest just saying you know, offers there."Fella, if you wanna take her off my hands there’s a couple of pints in it for ya | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward
I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog
*flounce
**huff
*** slams door
If you wanna cry on my chest just saying you know, offers there.
What about the snot?"That's ok you're a woman in need...any bodily fluids on my chest just for you. #bekind | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward
I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog
*flounce
**huff
*** slams door
You really know how to hurt me don’t you
Ok ok ok….I’ll eat the bastard lemon drizzle
TOOOOO LATE " | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward
I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog
*flounce
**huff
*** slams door
If you wanna cry on my chest just saying you know, offers there.
Fella, if you wanna take her off my hands there’s a couple of pints in it for ya "Well this has worked out very well indeed (evil laugh) | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. Wait…what!!! *cried into the lemon drizzle
I’m so glad you saw this. Otherwise our private conversation would have just got awkward
I’ve just poured that gin down the drain and fed the salmon to the dog
*flounce
**huff
*** slams door
If you wanna cry on my chest just saying you know, offers there.
Fella, if you wanna take her off my hands there’s a couple of pints in it for ya "#socruel | |||
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"Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" Not at all. Do people really think like that? The only thing that would put me off is if they used the names of people they'd met. | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. " It’s interesting to think that your interactions with someone, which is on no way meant to be an expression of interest, could result in someone else not wanting to meet who you are talking with. But you cannot watch out for other peoples feelings or intentions, only your own. | |||
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"Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them? Not at all. Do people really think like that? The only thing that would put me off is if they used the names of people they'd met." Based on how some people have acted, and what they have said, there does appear to be some element of LPP over people on the forums, with some not wanting to feel they are part of a conveyor belt. | |||
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"Personally I think it's better keeping the forum and meeting completely separate. I know flirting and maybe meeting is the whole point of using the forum for lots, which makes total sense, but it doesn't appeal to me to cross the two. So I tend to neither flirt with nor meet anyone I know also visits here.* *I have broken both those rules a few times and don't regret it, but I do try avoid it generally." It is interesting that lots of people say they won’t meet other forum users, yet will tell people that getting involved is a good way to meet people. | |||
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"For me I guess it would depend on who the person was and our relationship was, or was likely to be in future. It would also depend on them and how they conducted themselves around me when we were together (were they respectful, did they try to belittle me or make unnecessary comparisons etc) I know that I have banter in the forums with people that I have no sexual intentions towards. I’d hate to think that might put someone else off meeting them. It’s interesting to think that your interactions with someone, which is on no way meant to be an expression of interest, could result in someone else not wanting to meet who you are talking with. But you cannot watch out for other peoples feelings or intentions, only your own." I highly doubt it would happen, but if someone didn’t want to meet a person because they thought they were flirting with me when it’s normally just a bit of banter taken from a private message into the forums I’d feel bad for my mate. I wouldn’t hold any blame and in the long run id probably think it was for the best because maybe they level of jealousy and over someone you’re not with is a bit of a red flag. Situationally everything is different with context though  | |||
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"Personally I think it's better keeping the forum and meeting completely separate. I know flirting and maybe meeting is the whole point of using the forum for lots, which makes total sense, but it doesn't appeal to me to cross the two. So I tend to neither flirt with nor meet anyone I know also visits here.* *I have broken both those rules a few times and don't regret it, but I do try avoid it generally. It is interesting that lots of people say they won’t meet other forum users, yet will tell people that getting involved is a good way to meet people. " Maybe that's coming from different people? I wouldn't tell anyone to use the forum for meeting, but those who also like using it that way might. | |||
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"It depends on the context, but I will never be someone’s second choice/plan B/other option. My self esteem is a little fragile at times, and I know that it wouldn’t be good for me to feel like that, so I avoid it. Although I participate in swinging life, I’m really not a swinger…" I agree. No one should ever feel they are a Plan B. What could someone do to make you feel like a Plan B? | |||
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"Poor form in my view. A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell." Just kiss and leave a verification instead. | |||
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"I highly doubt it would happen, but if someone didn’t want to meet a person because they thought they were flirting with me when it’s normally just a bit of banter taken from a private message into the forums I’d feel bad for my mate. I wouldn’t hold any blame and in the long run id probably think it was for the best because maybe they level of jealousy and over someone you’re not with is a bit of a red flag. Situationally everything is different with context though "Would it be jealousy if they didn’t want to meet your mate because they don’t like you, and you two have been flirting? We see all the time that forumites have beef with each other, random blocks because of what they have said etc. Is it acceptable to not want to see someone because they flirted with someone you don’t like? | |||
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"Maybe that's coming from different people? I wouldn't tell anyone to use the forum for meeting, but those who also like using it that way might." Oh I didn’t mean it had come from you. Just that some people won’t meet other forum users for a variety of reasons. Yet people are advised using the forum can be a way to meet people. When its the same person saying the same thing, it can be confusing. | |||
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No.
Be respectful but everyone should remember its a lighthearted internet site for adults that enjoy sex and all things sexual.
You wanna own us… you shoulda put a ring on us! | |||
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"Flirt with our gal’s and boys we’ll hunt you down, tie you up and spread mustard on your anus.
No.
Be respectful but everyone should remember its a lighthearted internet site for adults that enjoy sex and all things sexual.
You wanna own us… you shoulda put a ring on us!"Put a ring on their rings. Or anu's | |||
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"I highly doubt it would happen, but if someone didn’t want to meet a person because they thought they were flirting with me when it’s normally just a bit of banter taken from a private message into the forums I’d feel bad for my mate. I wouldn’t hold any blame and in the long run id probably think it was for the best because maybe they level of jealousy and over someone you’re not with is a bit of a red flag. Situationally everything is different with context though
Would it be jealousy if they didn’t want to meet your mate because they don’t like you, and you two have been flirting?
We see all the time that forumites have beef with each other, random blocks because of what they have said etc.
Is it acceptable to not want to see someone because they flirted with someone you don’t like?"I think although it may sound daft on the surface, it is acceptable. We all have different morals for example, and seeing someone flirt with another who you may not like because you feel they're morally bankrupt can easily impact how you then view that person. I've been swayed many times before if someone has flirted with someone I can't stomach. Means to me that we walk differing paths and that's OK. Just means I don't want them in my foof. | |||
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum? How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them? Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch? Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" To this … No , I fully expect swingers to mingle at will . To your further “arguments/points” , yes possibly … my ego would probably be miffed, my confidence take a little battering but I do feel it’s the nature of the beast, I fully expect to be someone’s plan B at some point or other, for many it’s the numbers game. “All eggs in the one basket” comes to mind | |||
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"I highly doubt it would happen, but if someone didn’t want to meet a person because they thought they were flirting with me when it’s normally just a bit of banter taken from a private message into the forums I’d feel bad for my mate. I wouldn’t hold any blame and in the long run id probably think it was for the best because maybe they level of jealousy and over someone you’re not with is a bit of a red flag. Situationally everything is different with context though
Would it be jealousy if they didn’t want to meet your mate because they don’t like you, and you two have been flirting?
We see all the time that forumites have beef with each other, random blocks because of what they have said etc.
Is it acceptable to not want to see someone because they flirted with someone you don’t like?
I think although it may sound daft on the surface, it is acceptable.
We all have different morals for example, and seeing someone flirt with another who you may not like because you feel they're morally bankrupt can easily impact how you then view that person.
I've been swayed many times before if someone has flirted with someone I can't stomach. Means to me that we walk differing paths and that's OK. Just means I don't want them in my foof."Totally agree. I didn’t see the post you replied to before I wrote my comment. “Is it acceptable to not want to see someone because they flirted with someone you don’t like?” - Yes it is and like PP says we walk different paths and that’s ok. Nothing else would happen though and I wouldn’t wish anyone to change how they interact with others, it’s as simple as you do your thing and I’ll do mine. | |||
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"I do use the forum as a filter, in the sense I observe what they write and who they flirt with. As I wouldn’t meet certain people, regardless if I’ve met them before, now finding out who they are interested in or flirt with. " It does make sense that people use forum interactions to vet who they would want to meet. I am curious about your feelings regarding not meeting people you have met already once you find out they have met someone you are not keen on. | |||
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"Flirt with our gal’s and boys we’ll hunt you down, tie you up and spread mustard on your anus.
No.
Be respectful but everyone should remember its a lighthearted internet site for adults that enjoy sex and all things sexual.
You wanna own us… you shoulda put a ring on us!"It’s an interesting comment about it being fun. Do you think that its easy for people to forget that, because of a sense of fear of losing out, or possessiveness over someone else? Is it possible that those who are more successful are less prone to jealous behaviour, where as those who are moderately to less successful are more prone to that type of behaviour? | |||
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"So am I right in thinking that your view is that how people interact on the forum is less important to you than how they are in private?" To me - people flirting in the forums doesn’t bother me tooooo much. I get twinges. We all have our struggles, right? But their behaviour *in general*, in the forums, holds importance still. How they talk to others, whether their views on things I think are important, align with mine. How they are in private with me is the most important factor, as it’s what I’m seeking from them, essentially. Their time and attention, in sexual form. | |||
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"I do use the forum as a filter, in the sense I observe what they write and who they flirt with. As I wouldn’t meet certain people, regardless if I’ve met them before, now finding out who they are interested in or flirt with. It does make sense that people use forum interactions to vet who they would want to meet. I am curious about your feelings regarding not meeting people you have met already once you find out they have met someone you are not keen on." Well it would be the same reason if I’d have found out before, I had met them as to why I wouldn’t meet them. - I’ve just found out after that’s the difference. There are a few reasons why, we’d just be on different paths from then on that’s all. There are some I don’t wish to associate myself with and if they’ve met those or they’re flirty with them, then we’re not on the same page or just totally turns me off them… | |||
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"I do use the forum as a filter, in the sense I observe what they write and who they flirt with. As I wouldn’t meet certain people, regardless if I’ve met them before, now finding out who they are interested in or flirt with. It does make sense that people use forum interactions to vet who they would want to meet. I am curious about your feelings regarding not meeting people you have met already once you find out they have met someone you are not keen on. Well it would be the same reason if I’d have found out before, I had met them as to why I wouldn’t meet them. - I’ve just found out after that’s the difference. There are a few reasons why, we’d just be on different paths from then on that’s all. There are some I don’t wish to associate myself with and if they’ve met those or they’re flirty with them, then we’re not on the same page or just totally turns me off them…" I'm the same. 100% I block or avoid on a regular basis purely based on who a fabber chases and what they post on here. In the same way as I use veris, past or present actions speak far louder than the bs folk spout to get likes and attention. | |||
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"We had the classic I’m not available this week after we’d tried a few times following on from a nice social and then, he posted a new verification which was a bit of a surprise. Felt a little shitty tbh so we blocked him. Bit of a knee jerk reaction but hey Ho. " Being passed over for someone else is not nice. But how would you have felt if they were batting you away but flirting with people on the forum before they then met them? | |||
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"So am I right in thinking that your view is that how people interact on the forum is less important to you than how they are in private? To me - people flirting in the forums doesn’t bother me tooooo much. I get twinges. We all have our struggles, right? But their behaviour *in general*, in the forums, holds importance still. How they talk to others, whether their views on things I think are important, align with mine. How they are in private with me is the most important factor, as it’s what I’m seeking from them, essentially. Their time and attention, in sexual form." We all like to feel desired, wanted or liked, and getting named on forum threads, or over looked, can lead to positive or negative feelings. I do think that how someone behaves behind closed doors is more important than the facade they portray in public. However it can mean that your public persona can lead to people thinking you are a bit of a dick, or alternatively are a better person than you really are. | |||
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"I'm the same. 100% I block or avoid on a regular basis purely based on who a fabber chases and what they post on here. In the same way as I use veris, past or present actions speak far louder than the bs folk spout to get likes and attention." Do you do this even if you have been chatting to them in an enjoyable manner or have/are looking to arrange a meet (social or otherwise)? Or would you give them the benefit of the doubt, and maybe speak with them about it? | |||
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"I wouldn't feel anything unless there had been some kind of agreement for exclusivity. It's swinging after all! Forget any talk of exclusivity, would you feel happy that they were meeting others in an overt way or would you feel put out that they just seem to be lining up meet after meet after meet?" This is a swinging site, if we were planning on meeting someone we would assume they were meeting other people. Anything else is just lampost pissing. | |||
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"I wouldn't feel anything unless there had been some kind of agreement for exclusivity. It's swinging after all! Forget any talk of exclusivity, would you feel happy that they were meeting others in an overt way or would you feel put out that they just seem to be lining up meet after meet after meet? This is a swinging site, if we were planning on meeting someone we would assume they were meeting other people. Anything else is just lampost pissing." But we do see examples of LPP quite frequently. Some can be in good humour, others can appear to be a bit more manipulative. Is it more down to a question of if people are swingers, looking for a relationship/exclusivity, casual sex fans etc.? | |||
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"I'm the same. 100% I block or avoid on a regular basis purely based on who a fabber chases and what they post on here. In the same way as I use veris, past or present actions speak far louder than the bs folk spout to get likes and attention. Do you do this even if you have been chatting to them in an enjoyable manner or have/are looking to arrange a meet (social or otherwise)? Or would you give them the benefit of the doubt, and maybe speak with them about it?" I have done this with a few fabbers I was chatting to and if they have asked why via other means I have said as much without naming names. I do believe that it shows their true taste and judgement as far as where their interests lie e.g. for getting invites to certain circles of parties or such things. If they chase folk who regularly (daily/weekly) enter in to what I see as questionable activities and have what is, to me, a definite lack of certain desirable character traits then I'm not interested even in chatting further. I do get that it can be like a kid in a sweet shop for guys or girls if you have popular fabbers giving you attention but any guy that I'd want the focused attention of would be one who is composed & holds their attention back and only gives it where it's targeted not just thrown around like confetti for an ego rub. I can tell the difference between flirting for the craic and flirting with intent. I'm not holding a bit of banter against anyone. | |||
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"If I was arranging to meet for a social it wouldn't normally bother me if they were flirting in the forums or arranging other socials. However I will never be anyones plan B or just a number so I wouldn't be impressed if they had multiple socials on the same day and they were clock watching. A long time ago a woman cancelled a social meet due to work pressures but then displayed 2 new verifications the next morning, one of which even mentioned the coffee shop we were supposed to meet in. I don’t think anyone wants to be a Plan B. But would you feel like a Plan B if you had arranged a meet that was still going to happen (in theory), but then saw them flirting or interacting on the forum with other people but not you? Would you feel out out, or just shrug it off and look forward to seeing them in person?" I have questioned people I've met about why they never acknowledged me in the forums even though we had been chatting for months while at the same time they were tagging "popular" guys in forum posts and flirting with anyone who paid them attention. It used to annoy me until I saw a pattern. They would say one thing in private about certain individuals and then go full on tits out flirting with those same people. Flirting with or arranging to meet others publicly wouldn't bother me if they were straight up about it rather than taking the bipolar approach. I have been naive in the past and while I'm fully aware that people will meet others I won't be a rung on the ladder for anyone. Just be open and honest about your intentions and there won't be an issue. | |||
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"I have done this with a few fabbers I was chatting to and if they have asked why via other means I have said as much without naming names. I do believe that it shows their true taste and judgement as far as where their interests lie e.g. for getting invites to certain circles of parties or such things. If they chase folk who regularly (daily/weekly) enter in to what I see as questionable activities and have what is, to me, a definite lack of certain desirable character traits then I'm not interested even in chatting further. I do get that it can be like a kid in a sweet shop for guys or girls if you have popular fabbers giving you attention but any guy that I'd want the focused attention of would be one who is composed & holds their attention back and only gives it where it's targeted not just thrown around like confetti for an ego rub. I can tell the difference between flirting for the craic and flirting with intent. I'm not holding a bit of banter against anyone. " Thank you for your insight. Its interesting to note how people can and do use the forum oblivious to how it may be influencing how others perceive them. I say that knowing full well that my own use of the forum can and will annoy others | |||
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"I have questioned people I've met about why they never acknowledged me in the forums even though we had been chatting for months while at the same time they were tagging "popular" guys in forum posts and flirting with anyone who paid them attention. It used to annoy me until I saw a pattern. They would say one thing in private about certain individuals and then go full on tits out flirting with those same people. Flirting with or arranging to meet others publicly wouldn't bother me if they were straight up about it rather than taking the bipolar approach. I have been naive in the past and while I'm fully aware that people will meet others I won't be a rung on the ladder for anyone. Just be open and honest about your intentions and there won't be an issue. " While I think its only fair that people are upfront with you about their intentions, sadly it doesn’t appear that common. As well as not being a Plan B, I don’t think people should feel like a dirty little (hidden?) secret. Now that you can spot those patterns does it bother you, or do you just roll your eyes and carry on? | |||
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"I have questioned people I've met about why they never acknowledged me in the forums even though we had been chatting for months while at the same time they were tagging "popular" guys in forum posts and flirting with anyone who paid them attention. It used to annoy me until I saw a pattern. They would say one thing in private about certain individuals and then go full on tits out flirting with those same people. Flirting with or arranging to meet others publicly wouldn't bother me if they were straight up about it rather than taking the bipolar approach. I have been naive in the past and while I'm fully aware that people will meet others I won't be a rung on the ladder for anyone. Just be open and honest about your intentions and there won't be an issue. While I think its only fair that people are upfront with you about their intentions, sadly it doesn’t appear that common. As well as not being a Plan B, I don’t think people should feel like a dirty little (hidden?) secret. Now that you can spot those patterns does it bother you, or do you just roll your eyes and carry on?" | |||
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"It’s best just to assume everyone meeting everyone No it wouldn’t bother me at all if I seen they were planning to meet others There is no exclusive or locked off realship People are free to meet who they want when they want As long as I am not being Pamed off for others I don’t care Ie I have got a meet arrange and xxx pops in they mail box 2 days later and they meet them instead when they were meeting me Heck I don’t even care if they come straight from one meet to my meet as long as they fresh ie had a shower inbween meets also what happens on a meet stays on that meet no need to blab to others about have me this way that way and the next " Your honesty is so refreshing. I enjoy your posts as you are not ashamed to be yourself, and you just want to have fun
I does seem that a common theme is no one likes being passed over in favour of someone else.
But how people feel about forum flirting is mixed. | |||
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"I have done this with a few fabbers I was chatting to and if they have asked why via other means I have said as much without naming names. I do believe that it shows their true taste and judgement as far as where their interests lie e.g. for getting invites to certain circles of parties or such things. If they chase folk who regularly (daily/weekly) enter in to what I see as questionable activities and have what is, to me, a definite lack of certain desirable character traits then I'm not interested even in chatting further. I do get that it can be like a kid in a sweet shop for guys or girls if you have popular fabbers giving you attention but any guy that I'd want the focused attention of would be one who is composed & holds their attention back and only gives it where it's targeted not just thrown around like confetti for an ego rub. I can tell the difference between flirting for the craic and flirting with intent. I'm not holding a bit of banter against anyone. Thank you for your insight. Its interesting to note how people can and do use the forum oblivious to how it may be influencing how others perceive them. I say that knowing full well that my own use of the forum can and will annoy others "Indeed Intentionally? .... surely not | |||
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"I don't have anything in common with serial flirters so wouldn't arrange to meet them. That's the benefit of watching and making private notes, I can choose wisely for me "Says the worst flirt on here | |||
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"I personally don't like having meets too close together . I will arrange them though and I will absolutely flirt if im interested in someone. If I saw somebody arranging something then thats upto them it wouldn't bother me. " | |||
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"I say that knowing full well that my own use of the forum can and will annoy others
Indeed
Intentionally? .... surely not"I may preach the “don’t be a dick” mantra, but that doesn’t mean I follow it | |||
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"I don't have anything in common with serial flirters so wouldn't arrange to meet them. That's the benefit of watching and making private notes, I can choose wisely for me "You get to know who the flirters are and who actually wants to meet. I'm not here to boost egos. | |||
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"I don't have anything in common with serial flirters so wouldn't arrange to meet them. That's the benefit of watching and making private notes, I can choose wisely for me
You get to know who the flirters are and who actually wants to meet.
I'm not here to boost egos."Except Fabby's; he can have all the flirts | |||
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"I don't have anything in common with serial flirters so wouldn't arrange to meet them. That's the benefit of watching and making private notes, I can choose wisely for me
Says the worst flirt on here "Yep. I own that trophy | |||
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"I don't have anything in common with serial flirters so wouldn't arrange to meet them. That's the benefit of watching and making private notes, I can choose wisely for me
You get to know who the flirters are and who actually wants to meet.
I'm not here to boost egos."Which one am I nan? | |||
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"I have questioned people I've met about why they never acknowledged me in the forums even though we had been chatting for months while at the same time they were tagging "popular" guys in forum posts and flirting with anyone who paid them attention. It used to annoy me until I saw a pattern. They would say one thing in private about certain individuals and then go full on tits out flirting with those same people. Flirting with or arranging to meet others publicly wouldn't bother me if they were straight up about it rather than taking the bipolar approach. I have been naive in the past and while I'm fully aware that people will meet others I won't be a rung on the ladder for anyone. Just be open and honest about your intentions and there won't be an issue. While I think its only fair that people are upfront with you about their intentions, sadly it doesn’t appear that common. As well as not being a Plan B, I don’t think people should feel like a dirty little (hidden?) secret. Now that you can spot those patterns does it bother you, or do you just roll your eyes and carry on?" I just roll my eyes and carry on but obviously not with those individuals. I'm well aware that because I'm not afraid to offer an opinion on here that doesn't suit some peoples narrative that they may not want to be publicly associated with me. I'm also aware that because I refuse to blow smoke up anyones arse regardless of their perceived stature that some don't like that and base their perception of me on things like that. Those who actually know me though find all of the above to be part of what attracts them to me so take what you want from that. | |||
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"I personally don't like having meets too close together . I will arrange them though and I will absolutely flirt if im interested in soneone. If I saw somebody arranging something then thats upto them it wouldn't bother me. " Would you still feel the same if their forum flirting became all they ever posted? So it appeared that they and the target of their flirting were following each other around on the forum and commenting on each others posts? | |||
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"I don't have anything in common with serial flirters so wouldn't arrange to meet them. That's the benefit of watching and making private notes, I can choose wisely for me
You get to know who the flirters are and who actually wants to meet.
I'm not here to boost egos."Truth
Which is another reason why I hunt in fab rather than on the forums | |||
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"I just roll my eyes and carry on but obviously not with those individuals. I'm well aware that because I'm not afraid to offer an opinion on here that doesn't suit some peoples narrative that they may not want to be publicly associated with me. I'm also aware that because I refuse to blow smoke up anyones arse regardless of their perceived stature that some don't like that and base their perception of me on things like that. Those who actually know me though find all of the above to be part of what attracts them to me so take what you want from that. "So I feel I share points 1 and 2 with you, but sadly not point 3
Its good that you are aware about it and are not altering your behaviour to fit in with others.
Have you ever changed your mind and gone back to someone you may have previously discounted based on their forum persona? | |||
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"I say that knowing full well that my own use of the forum can and will annoy others
Indeed
Intentionally? .... surely not
I may preach the “don’t be a dick” mantra, but that doesn’t mean I follow it "Lol We're all dicks to someone with every comment we post on here. No point thinking otherwise. I'm certainly not winning any popularity contests on here at times simply for not bending over or kissing ass. I just can't play the highschool games etc. to win fab points. But that's not why I'm on fab so I'll live.  | |||
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"I just roll my eyes and carry on but obviously not with those individuals. I'm well aware that because I'm not afraid to offer an opinion on here that doesn't suit some peoples narrative that they may not want to be publicly associated with me. I'm also aware that because I refuse to blow smoke up anyones arse regardless of their perceived stature that some don't like that and base their perception of me on things like that. Those who actually know me though find all of the above to be part of what attracts them to me so take what you want from that.
So I feel I share points 1 and 2 with you, but sadly not point 3
Its good that you are aware about it and are not altering your behaviour to fit in with others.
Have you ever changed your mind and gone back to someone you may have previously discounted based on their forum persona? "No I haven't because I don't use any other part of the site and I see the forums as the best available filter. Everyone can be a dick at times but I'll continue to be very choosey in who I'll get naked with. Seven play meets in 6 years by choice can confirm that and I can confidently say that I've turned down many opportunities because of forum personas. My time is precious and I'd rather spend it with those on the same page. | |||
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"I say that knowing full well that my own use of the forum can and will annoy others
Indeed
Intentionally? .... surely not
I may preach the “don’t be a dick” mantra, but that doesn’t mean I follow it
Lol
We're all dicks to someone with every comment we post on here. No point thinking otherwise.
I'm certainly not winning any popularity contests on here at times simply for not bending over or kissing ass. I just can't play the highschool games etc. to win fab points. But that's not why I'm on fab so I'll live.
"Love this!! | |||
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"I keep forum users and meets separate." Then consider this my last post | |||
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"I personally don't like having meets too close together . I will arrange them though and I will absolutely flirt if im interested in soneone. If I saw somebody arranging something then thats upto them it wouldn't bother me. Would you still feel the same if their forum flirting became all they ever posted? So it appeared that they and the target of their flirting were following each other around on the forum and commenting on each others posts?" If that's what they wish to do that's upto them. I have no issue with people flirting or arranging meets; what they decide to do with others is there affair. There would be certain times I may decide against a meet after witnessing something but flirting or arranging meets would not be it. | |||
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"I say that knowing full well that my own use of the forum can and will annoy others
Indeed
Intentionally? .... surely not
I may preach the “don’t be a dick” mantra, but that doesn’t mean I follow it
Lol
We're all dicks to someone with every comment we post on here. No point thinking otherwise.
I'm certainly not winning any popularity contests on here at times simply for not bending over or kissing ass. I just can't play the highschool games etc. to win fab points. But that's not why I'm on fab so I'll live.
"I was told recently at a group social by a popular and productive forumite that another popular and productive forumite thought I was a complete dick. It made my night and was worth going to the social just for that alone because it confirmed what I already knew that my name was being mentioned in groupchats and that the cool kids don't like being called out in the playground. | |||
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"I say that knowing full well that my own use of the forum can and will annoy others
Indeed
Intentionally? .... surely not
I may preach the “don’t be a dick” mantra, but that doesn’t mean I follow it
Lol
We're all dicks to someone with every comment we post on here. No point thinking otherwise.
I'm certainly not winning any popularity contests on here at times simply for not bending over or kissing ass. I just can't play the highschool games etc. to win fab points. But that's not why I'm on fab so I'll live.
I was told recently at a group social by a popular and productive forumite that another popular and productive forumite thought I was a complete dick.
It made my night and was worth going to the social just for that alone because it confirmed what I already knew that my name was being mentioned in groupchats and that the cool kids don't like being called out in the playground. "Haha god I can't even begin to imagine the amount of people who probably think I'm a dick haha! Stay true to yourself brother! | |||
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"I keep forum users and meets separate. Then consider this my last post " | |||
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"I say that knowing full well that my own use of the forum can and will annoy others
Indeed
Intentionally? .... surely not
I may preach the “don’t be a dick” mantra, but that doesn’t mean I follow it
Lol
We're all dicks to someone with every comment we post on here. No point thinking otherwise.
I'm certainly not winning any popularity contests on here at times simply for not bending over or kissing ass. I just can't play the highschool games etc. to win fab points. But that's not why I'm on fab so I'll live.
I was told recently at a group social by a popular and productive forumite that another popular and productive forumite thought I was a complete dick.
It made my night and was worth going to the social just for that alone because it confirmed what I already knew that my name was being mentioned in groupchats and that the cool kids don't like being called out in the playground. "Awww don't talk to me, those threads trawling for new candidates to join these clique chats do make me laugh. I have zero chance of ever getting an invite since I call it out and I won't stop either. It's unkind at best and meangirls at worst. Anyone that's in them who's desperate for an escape hatch but too wary of being ostracised to just hit the big red button Not okay | |||
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"I wouldn't feel anything unless there had been some kind of agreement for exclusivity. It's swinging after all! Forget any talk of exclusivity, would you feel happy that they were meeting others in an overt way or would you feel put out that they just seem to be lining up meet after meet after meet? This is a swinging site, if we were planning on meeting someone we would assume they were meeting other people. Anything else is just lampost pissing. But we do see examples of LPP quite frequently. Some can be in good humour, others can appear to be a bit more manipulative. Is it more down to a question of if people are swingers, looking for a relationship/exclusivity, casual sex fans etc.?" I think some people just need constant indulging of their chosen circle. Hence LPP. Excessive flirting is based on craving popularity, extreme attention and hope that if you give this much you'll get return on your flirty investment. There are lots of factors to a scenario you just described. I don't think anyone wants to feel like you are one of many and I'd doubt they would be able to remember what are my boundaries or preferences are when they are all over the place trying to not lose their chances with others. Especially as the date of the meet is approaching it would be nice to get that little extra attention rather than just crumbs. Or being one of four they arranged to see in one weekend because they 'just want to have fun'. I'm not a forum cock collector so it doesn't bother me, let them crack on without me. You don't want to be nobody's dirty secret either. I liked someone's comment above about bipolar views. I've heard that before - oh I would never meet him, he's been chasing me for years on forum, he's such a tart. Few months later you see a lovely veri popping up from both of them  People are weird.
You do you. | |||
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"I say that knowing full well that my own use of the forum can and will annoy others
Indeed
Intentionally? .... surely not
I may preach the “don’t be a dick” mantra, but that doesn’t mean I follow it
Lol
We're all dicks to someone with every comment we post on here. No point thinking otherwise.
I'm certainly not winning any popularity contests on here at times simply for not bending over or kissing ass. I just can't play the highschool games etc. to win fab points. But that's not why I'm on fab so I'll live.
I was told recently at a group social by a popular and productive forumite that another popular and productive forumite thought I was a complete dick.
It made my night and was worth going to the social just for that alone because it confirmed what I already knew that my name was being mentioned in groupchats and that the cool kids don't like being called out in the playground. "Oh dear god
Kudos | |||
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"I don't want to meet people with loads of veris for the same reason. I don't care if they've fucked 100 people this week, I just don't want to know about it or have my 'review' added to the list..
Is your opinion based on visible veris? So if someone had 100 meets in a week but no veri’s would you care?"Yes visible veris/ summary. 100 meets fine. | |||
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"I don't have anything in common with serial flirters so wouldn't arrange to meet them. That's the benefit of watching and making private notes, I can choose wisely for me
You get to know who the flirters are and who actually wants to meet.
I'm not here to boost egos.
Which one am I nan?"You're Fun Bobby. | |||
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"It’s best just to assume everyone meeting everyone No it wouldn’t bother me at all if I seen they were planning to meet others There is no exclusive or locked off realship People are free to meet who they want when they want As long as I am not being Pamed off for others I don’t care Ie I have got a meet arrange and xxx pops in they mail box 2 days later and they meet them instead when they were meeting me Heck I don’t even care if they come straight from one meet to my meet as long as they fresh ie had a shower inbween meets also what happens on a meet stays on that meet no need to blab to others about have me this way that way and the next Your honesty is so refreshing. I enjoy your posts as you are not ashamed to be yourself, and you just want to have fun
I does seem that a common theme is no one likes being passed over in favour of someone else.
But how people feel about forum flirting is mixed."Thanks and yes it is quite a common theme x | |||
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"I wouldn't feel anything unless there had been some kind of agreement for exclusivity. It's swinging after all! Forget any talk of exclusivity, would you feel happy that they were meeting others in an overt way or would you feel put out that they just seem to be lining up meet after meet after meet? This is a swinging site, if we were planning on meeting someone we would assume they were meeting other people. Anything else is just lampost pissing. But we do see examples of LPP quite frequently. Some can be in good humour, others can appear to be a bit more manipulative. Is it more down to a question of if people are swingers, looking for a relationship/exclusivity, casual sex fans etc.? I think some people just need constant indulging of their chosen circle. Hence LPP. Excessive flirting is based on craving popularity, extreme attention and hope that if you give this much you'll get return on your flirty investment. There are lots of factors to a scenario you just described. I don't think anyone wants to feel like you are one of many and I'd doubt they would be able to remember what are my boundaries or preferences are when they are all over the place trying to not lose their chances with others. Especially as the date of the meet is approaching it would be nice to get that little extra attention rather than just crumbs. Or being one of four they arranged to see in one weekend because they 'just want to have fun'. I'm not a forum cock collector so it doesn't bother me, let them crack on without me. You don't want to be nobody's dirty secret either. I liked someone's comment above about bipolar views. I've heard that before - oh I would never meet him, he's been chasing me for years on forum, he's such a tart. Few months later you see a lovely veri popping up from both of them People are weird.
You do you. "I wouldn't actually mind if the private connects were as mild as that. I've had women tell me personal details about someone on the forums and call them dangerous and nasty and demonise them and anyone they associated with. These were men, women and couples they were discussing. I challenged most of what they said unless I knew it to be true but then a short while later they verified each other. When I asked why after all that had been said the response was that it was none of my business. Funny how they had made it my business up to that point. I just roll my eyes and look forward to what happens when they all realise those lovely ladies they call friends reveal their true selves. It should be very public and very hilarious I hope | |||
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"I wouldn't feel anything unless there had been some kind of agreement for exclusivity. It's swinging after all! Forget any talk of exclusivity, would you feel happy that they were meeting others in an overt way or would you feel put out that they just seem to be lining up meet after meet after meet? This is a swinging site, if we were planning on meeting someone we would assume they were meeting other people. Anything else is just lampost pissing. But we do see examples of LPP quite frequently. Some can be in good humour, others can appear to be a bit more manipulative. Is it more down to a question of if people are swingers, looking for a relationship/exclusivity, casual sex fans etc.? I think some people just need constant indulging of their chosen circle. Hence LPP. Excessive flirting is based on craving popularity, extreme attention and hope that if you give this much you'll get return on your flirty investment. There are lots of factors to a scenario you just described. I don't think anyone wants to feel like you are one of many and I'd doubt they would be able to remember what are my boundaries or preferences are when they are all over the place trying to not lose their chances with others. Especially as the date of the meet is approaching it would be nice to get that little extra attention rather than just crumbs. Or being one of four they arranged to see in one weekend because they 'just want to have fun'. I'm not a forum cock collector so it doesn't bother me, let them crack on without me. You don't want to be nobody's dirty secret either. I liked someone's comment above about bipolar views. I've heard that before - oh I would never meet him, he's been chasing me for years on forum, he's such a tart. Few months later you see a lovely veri popping up from both of them People are weird.
You do you.
I wouldn't actually mind if the private connects were as mild as that.
I've had women tell me personal details about someone on the forums and call them dangerous and nasty and demonise them and anyone they associated with. These were men, women and couples they were discussing.
I challenged most of what they said unless I knew it to be true but then a short while later they verified each other.
When I asked why after all that had been said the response was that it was none of my business.
Funny how they had made it my business up to that point.
I just roll my eyes and look forward to what happens when they all realise those lovely ladies they call friends reveal their true selves. It should be very public and very hilarious I hope "*Comments | |||
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"No I haven't because I don't use any other part of the site and I see the forums as the best available filter. Everyone can be a dick at times but I'll continue to be very choosey in who I'll get naked with. Seven play meets in 6 years by choice can confirm that and I can confidently say that I've turned down many opportunities because of forum personas. My time is precious and I'd rather spend it with those on the same page. " Indeed. Time is our most precious resource and why would anyone choose to spend it with someone who doesn’t value your time. | |||
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"Crikey. Perhaps I should rethink using the forums then, based on all of the above! "I thought we were exclusive! Wtf red?! | |||
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"I wouldn't feel anything unless there had been some kind of agreement for exclusivity. It's swinging after all! Forget any talk of exclusivity, would you feel happy that they were meeting others in an overt way or would you feel put out that they just seem to be lining up meet after meet after meet? This is a swinging site, if we were planning on meeting someone we would assume they were meeting other people. Anything else is just lampost pissing. But we do see examples of LPP quite frequently. Some can be in good humour, others can appear to be a bit more manipulative. Is it more down to a question of if people are swingers, looking for a relationship/exclusivity, casual sex fans etc.? I think some people just need constant indulging of their chosen circle. Hence LPP. Excessive flirting is based on craving popularity, extreme attention and hope that if you give this much you'll get return on your flirty investment. There are lots of factors to a scenario you just described. I don't think anyone wants to feel like you are one of many and I'd doubt they would be able to remember what are my boundaries or preferences are when they are all over the place trying to not lose their chances with others. Especially as the date of the meet is approaching it would be nice to get that little extra attention rather than just crumbs. Or being one of four they arranged to see in one weekend because they 'just want to have fun'. I'm not a forum cock collector so it doesn't bother me, let them crack on without me. You don't want to be nobody's dirty secret either. I liked someone's comment above about bipolar views. I've heard that before - oh I would never meet him, he's been chasing me for years on forum, he's such a tart. Few months later you see a lovely veri popping up from both of them People are weird.
You do you.
I wouldn't actually mind if the private connects were as mild as that.
I've had women tell me personal details about someone on the forums and call them dangerous and nasty and demonise them and anyone they associated with. These were men, women and couples they were discussing.
I challenged most of what they said unless I knew it to be true but then a short while later they verified each other.
When I asked why after all that had been said the response was that it was none of my business.
Funny how they had made it my business up to that point.
I just roll my eyes and look forward to what happens when they all realise those lovely ladies they call friends reveal their true selves. It should be very public and very hilarious I hope "This is why I don't have female friends on here | |||
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"Crikey. Perhaps I should rethink using the forums then, based on all of the above! "Either that or flirt with no one and everyone. Arrange meets with no one and everyone. Then LPP all over everyone and no one | |||
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"I think it depends on how it’s done… If they stopped chatting and sending us messages after arranging to meet but were all over the forums lamp post pissing then we’d naturally wonder if they were just thinking we are in the bag already, they can give more attention to others now. If they carried on chatting and flirting with us building up to the meet, we wouldn’t care if they had or were arranging meets with others. As long as we felt that we were priority on the day. K " So if you felt that you were in the bag already would it change how you viewed them, and would you likely cancel the meet? Or would you speak with them first and explain your point of view? They may be unaware of their behaviour… | |||
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"I tend not to care what others think or write of me. If I am meeting, someone, I am doing it for myself. And if they meet me, I'm obviously good enough for them. Is there any chance that your ego or self esteem could take a knocking if you felt they were happier being overt about meeting someone else but not you? Ah sorry I was coming from a different angle, do you mean it doesn't bother you if they arrange meets publically but they are not mentioning yours? It could be either. The lack of discretion that they are broadcasting meeting others, and so may be talking about your meets privately. But also how you might feel if they appear more keen to LPP about meeting someone elsr and not you. Would you feel put off, a Plan B, jealous or be happy safe that you are still meeting them?" To be fair, we don't get friendly with anyone on the forum and wouldn't meet anyone who posts on it ( not that they are not hot, just because it would compliment things) so we wouldn't know if they were talking to other people... but by the nature of the site I would expect them to be, so no, it wouldn't bother me If I was single and did meet someone on the forum and and it bothered me that they were chatting to other people on there, I think I would be questioning what I wanted out of the site | |||
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"Crikey. Perhaps I should rethink using the forums then, based on all of the above! "Keep being you Red. People are going to like you or not but the vast majority are indifferent. Bar a couple of incidents, I've had a fantastic time on the fora and with the people I've met thanks to it. It's not perfect but we're not. People can be dickish, jealous, emotional. They can also be brilliant, insightful. It's about finding what works for you and the people that you sync with. | |||
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Trust me, if I saw someone I like or was supposed to meet flirting in the forum. At least I can see that, because I assume lots more is going on behind the curtains back stage.
It’s all about trust, if I trust someone and they’re upfront with where they are in their swinging/fab life. I’m cool with it. It’s when they tell me one thing but do another that makes me walk the other way. | |||
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Fab can be a haven or a hell.
Just have to choose your path and your company carefully.
Choose wisely, no? | |||
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"Every time I tell myself I'm too cynical or too guarded, I'll have something happen to remind me why I am. It's a fool who opens their door over and over again to welcome in the same damn stupid nonsense. People can be dicks through no bad intent and people can ruin your day for sport. And, if you let it, it will start to suck the joy from you over time. It's a daily 'fuck that shit' mantra to guard your joy from the shit stirrers and mood hoovers in life but I'll keep fighting the good fight and those with the wooden spoons can keep stirring away
Fab can be a haven or a hell.
Just have to choose your path and your company carefully.
Choose wisely, no?"This !! | |||
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"If you were arranging/had arranged a meet with someone, would you be put off if you saw them flirting or talking about meeting other people on the forum? How would you feel if you only saw it after you had met them? Do you want to feel like you are a priority to them, or just another notch? Would you prefer them to hold fire on flirting with other people until after you have met them?" wouldn't bother us as we have no say in how others conduct themselves but we'd be properly pissed off if we got bumped for a "better offer" so to speak. If we arrange a meet then it's first come first serve | |||
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"I think it depends on how it’s done… If they stopped chatting and sending us messages after arranging to meet but were all over the forums lamp post pissing then we’d naturally wonder if they were just thinking we are in the bag already, they can give more attention to others now. If they carried on chatting and flirting with us building up to the meet, we wouldn’t care if they had or were arranging meets with others. As long as we felt that we were priority on the day. K So if you felt that you were in the bag already would it change how you viewed them, and would you likely cancel the meet? Or would you speak with them first and explain your point of view? They may be unaware of their behaviour…" We’ve cancelled meets when the connection has dropped for whatever reason. We don’t do fuck and go’s and we don’t do average meets, so we want that connection to be strong for it to then flow into the meet. We do chat and explain - we wouldn’t just walk away. It shows that everyone is different and how everyone approaches meets and we are only looking for likeminded people. K | |||
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