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Dominant
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well, my experience here suggests yes of course some are able, I've met off here and elsewhere, why do 90% message without the faintest idea, vanilla or bust |
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I can be dominant but it’s not something I just switch on.
You see lots of subs say I need to trust the dominant, and for good reason. Of course this works both ways.
I need to trust that the sub knows what they want and when to say stop! |
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Of course. But the ratio of online wannabe to actual is 50:1 on every site like this - and, as Compersion points out, given the demand, the real, experienced, reasonably attractive ones are usually attached and/or can afford to be choosy. |
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So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm an experienced 'Pleasure Dom', the problem I'm finding is that Women ( I only play with women) who have watched films like '50 shades' like the idea, but when it comes to it, won't. Even though my type of 'Dominance' is playful...and only goes as far as they are comfortable with. (thats what 'safe words' are for). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck. "
Yes, I've come across women who have said this and been put off. |
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck. "
The confusion between BDSM, which is a beautiful, complex set of practices based on profound trust, and 'rough sex', seems super-common. But, selfishly, I rather like wannabes being catastrophically bad at this. It sets a delightfully low bar.
More seriously, though, a wannabe practising, say, breath or knife play, is putting others at actual risk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck.
The confusion between BDSM, which is a beautiful, complex set of practices based on profound trust, and 'rough sex', seems super-common. But, selfishly, I rather like wannabes being catastrophically bad at this. It sets a delightfully low bar.
More seriously, though, a wannabe practising, say, breath or knife play, is putting others at actual risk."
Absolutely! |
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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago
Stafford |
"I'm an experienced 'Pleasure Dom', the problem I'm finding is that Women ( I only play with women) who have watched films like '50 shades' like the idea, but when it comes to it, won't. Even though my type of 'Dominance' is playful...and only goes as far as they are comfortable with. (thats what 'safe words' are for)."
Pleasure dpms sound fun, but by orgasm 10 as your brain turns feral.... Not so much 
50 shades is a twilight fanfic, that still baffles my mind. But I suppose they're both awfully written so  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm an experienced 'Pleasure Dom', the problem I'm finding is that Women ( I only play with women) who have watched films like '50 shades' like the idea, but when it comes to it, won't. Even though my type of 'Dominance' is playful...and only goes as far as they are comfortable with. (thats what 'safe words' are for).
Pleasure dpms sound fun, but by orgasm 10 as your brain turns feral.... Not so much
50 shades is a twilight fanfic, that still baffles my mind. But I suppose they're both awfully written so "
The sign of a good Don is knowing when to stop. (always leave them wanting more! ) |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
I think the adage, "I'm a Dom but I'm not your Dom" is very true and one that people need to remember. And thats true of submissive too
I'm a Dom I'm an experienced Dom but a quick look at the OPs profile and the kinks they're interested in really do no appeal to me. That doesn't make me any less of a Dom though. Of course, as others have said the problem is some people will of course claim an interest in those kinks just to be in with a chance of meeting.
To me, people worry too much about all the True Dom ahd True sub crap when what matters is finding play partners where kinks align (even if that kink is merely rough sex), all kinks are valid.
Of course the huge caveat with that is a play partner must make you feel safe so if they can't or won't discuss boundaries, consent, safewords or things like RACK I'd be walking in away. I've spoken to subs who claim to have no limits and that's a huge red flag, it cuts both ways.
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There's lot on here, or I appear to attract them. Most of them are people I engage in conversation about BDSM as I'm not looking to find a Dom. But it's always good to chat with like minded people.
Maybe you'd be better off at munches to find what you are seeking? Or becoming more proactive in your searching rather than waiting for them to find you? |
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"I'm an experienced 'Pleasure Dom', the problem I'm finding is that Women ( I only play with women) who have watched films like '50 shades' like the idea, but when it comes to it, won't. Even though my type of 'Dominance' is playful...and only goes as far as they are comfortable with. (thats what 'safe words' are for)."
Agrees. 50 shades was a complete sham In regards to bdsm. The writers/directors played towards women who had zero knowledge of bdsm. |
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"Are there actually any guys genuinely capable of taking ownership on here?"
Wrong site. Try fetlife and get yourself to some munches.
Also it is a good idea to not to anything g about bdsm on your profile as it attracts the wrong sort. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the adage, "I'm a Dom but I'm not your Dom" is very true and one that people need to remember. And thats true of submissive too
I'm a Dom I'm an experienced Dom but a quick look at the OPs profile and the kinks they're interested in really do no appeal to me. That doesn't make me any less of a Dom though. Of course, as others have said the problem is some people will of course claim an interest in those kinks just to be in with a chance of meeting.
To me, people worry too much about all the True Dom ahd True sub crap when what matters is finding play partners where kinks align (even if that kink is merely rough sex), all kinks are valid.
Of course the huge caveat with that is a play partner must make you feel safe so if they can't or won't discuss boundaries, consent, safewords or things like RACK I'd be walking in away. I've spoken to subs who claim to have no limits and that's a huge red flag, it cuts both ways.
"
So true! |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"I think the adage, "I'm a Dom but I'm not your Dom" is very true and one that people need to remember. And thats true of submissive too
I'm a Dom I'm an experienced Dom but a quick look at the OPs profile and the kinks they're interested in really do no appeal to me. That doesn't make me any less of a Dom though. Of course, as others have said the problem is some people will of course claim an interest in those kinks just to be in with a chance of meeting.
To me, people worry too much about all the True Dom ahd True sub crap when what matters is finding play partners where kinks align (even if that kink is merely rough sex), all kinks are valid.
Of course the huge caveat with that is a play partner must make you feel safe so if they can't or won't discuss boundaries, consent, safewords or things like RACK I'd be walking in away. I've spoken to subs who claim to have no limits and that's a huge red flag, it cuts both ways.
"
This.
Saying I want a dom or a sub is like saying I want a car. Fine, what type of car do you want? People wagon, 4x4, saloon, or sports car.
People who talk of "true doms" and "true subs" remind me of the old Top Gear where a car was not a car unless it was something that they liked and appealed to petrolheads. Which is not the case in real life For cars or D/s people have different needs and wants. |
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"I think the adage, "I'm a Dom but I'm not your Dom" is very true and one that people need to remember. And thats true of submissive too
I'm a Dom I'm an experienced Dom but a quick look at the OPs profile and the kinks they're interested in really do no appeal to me. That doesn't make me any less of a Dom though. Of course, as others have said the problem is some people will of course claim an interest in those kinks just to be in with a chance of meeting.
To me, people worry too much about all the True Dom ahd True sub crap when what matters is finding play partners where kinks align (even if that kink is merely rough sex), all kinks are valid.
Of course the huge caveat with that is a play partner must make you feel safe so if they can't or won't discuss boundaries, consent, safewords or things like RACK I'd be walking in away. I've spoken to subs who claim to have no limits and that's a huge red flag, it cuts both ways.
This.
Saying I want a dom or a sub is like saying I want a car. Fine, what type of car do you want? People wagon, 4x4, saloon, or sports car.
People who talk of "true doms" and "true subs" remind me of the old Top Gear where a car was not a car unless it was something that they liked and appealed to petrolheads. Which is not the case in real life For cars or D/s people have different needs and wants."
But not always. I think some people say true dom/sub as they are looking for people in the dynamic already rather than someone exploring their dom/sub side for the first time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are there actually any guys genuinely capable of taking ownership on here?"
I am sure there are many but you are not looking for ‘any’ you are looking for ‘one’. You have a very specific requirement and ownership to you is different to ownership/Domination to others.
As with any D/s relationship, there needs to be agreed consent on both sides. Just because a Dominant does not consent to what you want does not mean they are any less of a Dominant.
I also shy away from phrases like ‘true/genuine/real’ when describing Dominants or submissive’s, what is true/genuine for one couple is not for another. I prefer the word ethical, implying that they practise PRICK, have boundaries and limits in place, consent and the ability to remove consent etc etc. |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"I think the adage, "I'm a Dom but I'm not your Dom" is very true and one that people need to remember. And thats true of submissive too
I'm a Dom I'm an experienced Dom but a quick look at the OPs profile and the kinks they're interested in really do no appeal to me. That doesn't make me any less of a Dom though. Of course, as others have said the problem is some people will of course claim an interest in those kinks just to be in with a chance of meeting.
To me, people worry too much about all the True Dom ahd True sub crap when what matters is finding play partners where kinks align (even if that kink is merely rough sex), all kinks are valid.
Of course the huge caveat with that is a play partner must make you feel safe so if they can't or won't discuss boundaries, consent, safewords or things like RACK I'd be walking in away. I've spoken to subs who claim to have no limits and that's a huge red flag, it cuts both ways.
This.
Saying I want a dom or a sub is like saying I want a car. Fine, what type of car do you want? People wagon, 4x4, saloon, or sports car.
People who talk of "true doms" and "true subs" remind me of the old Top Gear where a car was not a car unless it was something that they liked and appealed to petrolheads. Which is not the case in real life For cars or D/s people have different needs and wants.
But not always. I think some people say true dom/sub as they are looking for people in the dynamic already rather than someone exploring their dom/sub side for the first time"
Honestly in that case i think the word experienced is far more suitable than true.
I hate the term true Dom/sub, to me it's not inclusive and I have only ever heard it said in the context of elitism, superiority and judgement. |
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"I think the adage, "I'm a Dom but I'm not your Dom" is very true and one that people need to remember. And thats true of submissive too
I'm a Dom I'm an experienced Dom but a quick look at the OPs profile and the kinks they're interested in really do no appeal to me. That doesn't make me any less of a Dom though. Of course, as others have said the problem is some people will of course claim an interest in those kinks just to be in with a chance of meeting.
To me, people worry too much about all the True Dom ahd True sub crap when what matters is finding play partners where kinks align (even if that kink is merely rough sex), all kinks are valid.
Of course the huge caveat with that is a play partner must make you feel safe so if they can't or won't discuss boundaries, consent, safewords or things like RACK I'd be walking in away. I've spoken to subs who claim to have no limits and that's a huge red flag, it cuts both ways.
"
Well said that man  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What strikes me with these kind of threads the blame that's put upon 50 shades. It's a book that was released over a decade ago, how much blame can we feasibly place upon it now? "
I agree, it bought BDSM into the mainstream but it was never put forward as a ‘how to guide’. If it got people interested then sure they should go and do actual research into the subject before attempting it.
I wouldn’t read Moby Dick and try to go and catch a whale! |
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"What strikes me with these kind of threads the blame that's put upon 50 shades. It's a book that was released over a decade ago, how much blame can we feasibly place upon it now?
I agree, it bought BDSM into the mainstream but it was never put forward as a ‘how to guide’. If it got people interested then sure they should go and do actual research into the subject before attempting it.
I wouldn’t read Moby Dick and try to go and catch a whale! "
Oh what you didn't, I did caught a mackerel instead
But in all seriousness, if a series of books published a decade ago has that much impact on our community. Then our community hasn't done a good job in informing others what we are about. It's not like we haven't had time to sort it out by now. Plus there's plenty of good resources out there if you look. We can't blame 50 shades for people's laziness |
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck. "
I think you would better find them on a different site - FL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What strikes me with these kind of threads the blame that's put upon 50 shades. It's a book that was released over a decade ago, how much blame can we feasibly place upon it now?
I agree, it bought BDSM into the mainstream but it was never put forward as a ‘how to guide’. If it got people interested then sure they should go and do actual research into the subject before attempting it.
I wouldn’t read Moby Dick and try to go and catch a whale!
Oh what you didn't, I did caught a mackerel instead
But in all seriousness, if a series of books published a decade ago has that much impact on our community. Then our community hasn't done a good job in informing others what we are about. It's not like we haven't had time to sort it out by now. Plus there's plenty of good resources out there if you look. We can't blame 50 shades for people's laziness "
Absolutely. The books (and films) picqued interest which is still being talked about, fantasied about, explored and acted out, today. But it is just a novel and some overthink what they expect. |
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"What strikes me with these kind of threads the blame that's put upon 50 shades. It's a book that was released over a decade ago, how much blame can we feasibly place upon it now?
I agree, it bought BDSM into the mainstream but it was never put forward as a ‘how to guide’. If it got people interested then sure they should go and do actual research into the subject before attempting it.
I wouldn’t read Moby Dick and try to go and catch a whale!
Oh what you didn't, I did caught a mackerel instead
But in all seriousness, if a series of books published a decade ago has that much impact on our community. Then our community hasn't done a good job in informing others what we are about. It's not like we haven't had time to sort it out by now. Plus there's plenty of good resources out there if you look. We can't blame 50 shades for people's laziness
Absolutely. The books (and films) picqued interest which is still being talked about, fantasied about, explored and acted out, today. But it is just a novel and some overthink what they expect."
I personally don't think it's all the fault of the newbies. I think it's the fault of the community as a whole and as individuals who are speaking to newbies.
I know from personal experience that many of the ethical Dom's I know, recommend inexperienced subs to talk to experienced ones so that they can find out what they can expect.
I think a whole lot more communication is required by all sections of the community, in order to manage expectations. |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"What strikes me with these kind of threads the blame that's put upon 50 shades. It's a book that was released over a decade ago, how much blame can we feasibly place upon it now?
I agree, it bought BDSM into the mainstream but it was never put forward as a ‘how to guide’. If it got people interested then sure they should go and do actual research into the subject before attempting it.
I wouldn’t read Moby Dick and try to go and catch a whale!
Oh what you didn't, I did caught a mackerel instead
But in all seriousness, if a series of books published a decade ago has that much impact on our community. Then our community hasn't done a good job in informing others what we are about. It's not like we haven't had time to sort it out by now. Plus there's plenty of good resources out there if you look. We can't blame 50 shades for people's laziness "
I agree 100%
The kickback against 50 Shades has always been entertaining, I got the impression people didn't want their secret club mainstream as much as anything else. I think the way it's always used as an insult is in keeping with my earlier comments about elitism. I've never understood why someone reading a book that piqued their interest and saw them attend a munch or play event was seen as a bad thing? The know it alls who know nothing existed long before 50 shades and it wasn't those books that instilled that attitude. |
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"It's the different ideas od being a dom that I find some like too be rough etc and others like too dominate there subs with making thwm do everything they say so it's rather blurred."
Not sure I understand, what is blurred? |
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck. "
Yes. It's very much proceed with caution, keep your wits about you, know your red flags. |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"It's the different ideas od being a dom that I find some like too be rough etc and others like too dominate there subs with making thwm do everything they say so it's rather blurred."
I'm not sure how that is blurred?
A sub has preferences that they have clearly stated. Whether you as a Dom match that isn't blurred, D/s is a huge spectrum of kinks, it's not one size fits all |
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"It's the different ideas od being a dom that I find some like too be rough etc and others like too dominate there subs with making thwm do everything they say so it's rather blurred."
That's why negotiation and consent are so important. There's no room for blurred lines in power exchange. The reality is much different from how it looks outside. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
Wannabes can be dangerous, they don't understand the dynamic created between Dom and sub.
They have very little idea on safety, or aftercare.
They have probably never discussed the needs, wants, desires of the sub.
I doubt there would be discussion on boundaries or hard limits or understand that dominance isn't just about inflicting pain |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wannabes can be dangerous, they don't understand the dynamic created between Dom and sub.
They have very little idea on safety, or aftercare.
They have probably never discussed the needs, wants, desires of the sub.
I doubt there would be discussion on boundaries or hard limits or understand that dominance isn't just about inflicting pain"
I agree to an extent but unless those in the community talk to them and help them they will never learn.
I think we in the community do need to be more open and welcoming rather than have this ‘closed club’ mentality that pushes people away from reaching out. |
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"Wannabes can be dangerous, they don't understand the dynamic created between Dom and sub.
They have very little idea on safety, or aftercare.
They have probably never discussed the needs, wants, desires of the sub.
I doubt there would be discussion on boundaries or hard limits or understand that dominance isn't just about inflicting pain
I agree to an extent but unless those in the community talk to them and help them they will never learn.
I think we in the community do need to be more open and welcoming rather than have this ‘closed club’ mentality that pushes people away from reaching out. "
Very much agreed. I'm probably on the more abrupt side when it comes to giving advice but it does come from a good place. Education is pretty much always the key to every problem, and the more we share our knowledge and experiences the better off swinging and bdsm will be for it. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
For me the Dominants and submissive piece is an ongoing relationship based around power exchange. The mention of scene based factors such as safety and aftercare is in my view Topping and bottoming. A Top is not inferior to a Dom, it is just more accurately describes what the person provides. So on my FL account I describe myself as a rope top.
It should be noted that some submissives/bottoms are up for rough sex and what has been called "porn kink" and they need Doms/Tops that will deliver.
The key is education and if people got educated about the scene (rather than relying on stereotypes, porn, or being naturally D or s) before interacting it would reduce misunderstanding, consent violations and harm. |
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck. "
Spot on. Doms are there to push their subs boundries and pleasure limits. Most just think abusing a woman is being dominant. |
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"For me the Dominants and submissive piece is an ongoing relationship based around power exchange. The mention of scene based factors such as safety and aftercare is in my view Topping and bottoming. A Top is not inferior to a Dom, it is just more accurately describes what the person provides. So on my FL account I describe myself as a rope top.
It should be noted that some submissives/bottoms are up for rough sex and what has been called "porn kink" and they need Doms/Tops that will deliver.
The key is education and if people got educated about the scene (rather than relying on stereotypes, porn, or being naturally D or s) before interacting it would reduce misunderstanding, consent violations and harm."
You be suprise how many know little about after care. John |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck.
Spot on. Doms are there to push their subs boundries and pleasure limits. Most just think abusing a woman is being dominant. "
Doms should not be pushing boundaries, they are there for a reason. Discussing them, but not pushing |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I would imagine if you are looking for a Dom on here you will attract the wrong types. If I’m chatting to someone and she’s starts going on about being sub or needing to be dominated it’s a red flag for me, it’s shows she has no patience makes decisions and probably chooses badly. No one wants a sub like that |
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck.
Spot on. Doms are there to push their subs boundries and pleasure limits. Most just think abusing a woman is being dominant.
Doms should not be pushing boundaries, they are there for a reason. Discussing them, but not pushing "
With their consent they can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck.
Spot on. Doms are there to push their subs boundries and pleasure limits. Most just think abusing a woman is being dominant.
Doms should not be pushing boundaries, they are there for a reason. Discussing them, but not pushing
With their consent they can. "
Exactly why I said discussing them. There is a big difference.
I’ve found Doms on here, and not on that other site, it’s perfectly possible to find here. |
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck.
Spot on. Doms are there to push their subs boundries and pleasure limits. Most just think abusing a woman is being dominant.
Doms should not be pushing boundaries, they are there for a reason. Discussing them, but not pushing
With their consent they can.
Exactly why I said discussing them. There is a big difference.
I’ve found Doms on here, and not on that other site, it’s perfectly possible to find here. "
I am not talking about pain boundries. I ment pleasure ones. Pain boundries need honest and frank discussions. Even then it should be taken very slowly. Thats where your safe word comes in to play. |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck.
Spot on. Doms are there to push their subs boundries and pleasure limits. Most just think abusing a woman is being dominant.
Doms should not be pushing boundaries, they are there for a reason. Discussing them, but not pushing
With their consent they can.
Exactly why I said discussing them. There is a big difference.
I’ve found Doms on here, and not on that other site, it’s perfectly possible to find here.
I am not talking about pain boundries. I ment pleasure ones. Pain boundries need honest and frank discussions. Even then it should be taken very slowly. Thats where your safe word comes in to play. "
Yo be honest whether pain or pleasure "Doms are there to push there subs boundaries and pleasure limits" reads as a huge red flag and not respecting defined hard limits.
I get that likeky isn't what you mean but it's certainly how I read it.
Dynamics evolve, we all know that, but people should choose to push their own boundaries not have them pushed for them. And negotiation around that should never take place during play and should be mutual not led by a Dom |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck.
Spot on. Doms are there to push their subs boundries and pleasure limits. Most just think abusing a woman is being dominant.
Doms should not be pushing boundaries, they are there for a reason. Discussing them, but not pushing
With their consent they can.
Exactly why I said discussing them. There is a big difference.
I’ve found Doms on here, and not on that other site, it’s perfectly possible to find here.
I am not talking about pain boundries. I ment pleasure ones. Pain boundries need honest and frank discussions. Even then it should be taken very slowly. Thats where your safe word comes in to play.
Yo be honest whether pain or pleasure "Doms are there to push there subs boundaries and pleasure limits" reads as a huge red flag and not respecting defined hard limits.
I get that likeky isn't what you mean but it's certainly how I read it.
Dynamics evolve, we all know that, but people should choose to push their own boundaries not have them pushed for them. And negotiation around that should never take place during play and should be mutual not led by a Dom"
Agreed with all of that.. Boundaries are hugely important, and should be respected 100%.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far I've mostly found that the "doms" on this website are the kind who spit, slap round the face, hold round the throat, pull hair and generally rough a woman up, because they see it on porn sites and think that's what being a dom is all about. Yes there are some "true" doms on here, but they a very hard to find amongst the masochistic wannabes who just want a rough fuck. "
Your so right, being a dom is a big responsibility, as much as a session is very punishing as a dom I have to take care of playmate/sub, make sure no long term harm is done and look after them after and between sessions.
Get it wrong and the out come doesnt bare thinking about. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I think there must be Op. Stands to reason given how many people are on here. But... (and I may well be wrong) I don't think it's something that happens overnight. You've got to build and nurture a dynamic.
And... as much as it's about what you want/hope for from something, it's also about what they're going to get. Gosh that's put awfully. More.... it's about what you bring. Why you?How compatible you are with a person. Whether each side compliments the other and brings something to the table.
So yes, I'm sure there are but I don't think it's as simple as wanting someone to take ownership and then bam. It happens. |
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"I think there must be Op. Stands to reason given how many people are on here. But... (and I may well be wrong) I don't think it's something that happens overnight. You've got to build and nurture a dynamic.
And... as much as it's about what you want/hope for from something, it's also about what they're going to get. Gosh that's put awfully. More.... it's about what you bring. Why you?How compatible you are with a person. Whether each side compliments the other and brings something to the table.
So yes, I'm sure there are but I don't think it's as simple as wanting someone to take ownership and then bam. It happens."
This is good advice OP |
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"I think the adage, "I'm a Dom but I'm not your Dom" is very true and one that people need to remember. And thats true of submissive too
I'm a Dom I'm an experienced Dom but a quick look at the OPs profile and the kinks they're interested in really do no appeal to me. That doesn't make me any less of a Dom though. Of course, as others have said the problem is some people will of course claim an interest in those kinks just to be in with a chance of meeting.
To me, people worry too much about all the True Dom ahd True sub crap when what matters is finding play partners where kinks align (even if that kink is merely rough sex), all kinks are valid.
Of course the huge caveat with that is a play partner must make you feel safe so if they can't or won't discuss boundaries, consent, safewords or things like RACK I'd be walking in away. I've spoken to subs who claim to have no limits and that's a huge red flag, it cuts both ways.
This.
Saying I want a dom or a sub is like saying I want a car. Fine, what type of car do you want? People wagon, 4x4, saloon, or sports car.
People who talk of "true doms" and "true subs" remind me of the old Top Gear where a car was not a car unless it was something that they liked and appealed to petrolheads. Which is not the case in real life For cars or D/s people have different needs and wants.
But not always. I think some people say true dom/sub as they are looking for people in the dynamic already rather than someone exploring their dom/sub side for the first time
Honestly in that case i think the word experienced is far more suitable than true.
I hate the term true Dom/sub, to me it's not inclusive and I have only ever heard it said in the context of elitism, superiority and judgement. "
Yes experienced would be. But how many times have we heard different terms being bandied about with no true understanding. Luckily I've not had the same experience as you, but there are a fair few newbies who are confused with bdsm labels who are wanting to learn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there must be Op. Stands to reason given how many people are on here. But... (and I may well be wrong) I don't think it's something that happens overnight. You've got to build and nurture a dynamic.
And... as much as it's about what you want/hope for from something, it's also about what they're going to get. Gosh that's put awfully. More.... it's about what you bring. Why you?How compatible you are with a person. Whether each side compliments the other and brings something to the table.
So yes, I'm sure there are but I don't think it's as simple as wanting someone to take ownership and then bam. It happens."
You are dead right, theres a lot of trust needed and it takes time to build that relationship. |
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