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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
Married? Yes
Does she know you are here? Yes.
Do you tell her when you have met someone even if it is just for coffee? Yes.
Should it be declared on my profile, even though it is not really anyone's business? .... (you should answer that fab).
NB//
It was until the weekend (now on the 50th version) but seemingly have offended someone who must have missed it being on my profile, so just asking others who have a view.
I have nothing to hide, my profile pic is me, I am a married man, on a sex site for swingers, which by definition suggests I am here for "sex with other partners".
However, if asked. I will reply with the truth.
dunno.
Maybe I am missing the obvious here, and will get ridiculed.
So Fab. Have at it. - What do you think!?
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You do as you see fit but personally in our view if someone is on here without the knowledge of there partner that is a completely different thing I'm sure people have lots of different reasons for doing so, we just don't want any hassle if something goes wrong and they get found out. Why should the person meeting them take any risk if the partner is a jealous person and gets angry not at there partner but at those who they were meeting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Eh? You seem irrate some hasn't noticed it on your (frankly lengthy) profile? Yet you're now ommiting the fact?... Bottom line is you're married? So if someone ain't interested due to that it's your issue not theirs? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Each to their own... But you can't take the hump that someone doesn't want to have sex with you because you're married. When you are indeed married? Consent from partner or not?
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I met a lady off here, now sadly Unlos, who told me that she was married and that her husband didn't know she was on here. It was my decision to go ahead and meet her, but I would have been more than a little bit pissed off if she hadn't told me and I later found out  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met a lady off here, now sadly Unlos, who told me that she was married and that her husband didn't know she was on here. It was my decision to go ahead and meet her, but I would have been more than a little bit pissed off if she hadn't told me and I later found out "
Well yes, an informed decision is a nothing thing really |
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You're being naive if you think people wouldnt expect you to pre-announce that.
No judgement here, as Alice sleeps with married men. But I think you know that you should expect these responses here. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Even if it's a fuck site, some people don't want to meet those in ENM relationships. And do you know what? That's absolutely fine. It might feel like it's closing some avenues to great vagina, it probably is but fuck it.
Should it be on your profile or should you mention it very early on? Yeah. Of course. Lean into being an ethical fucker, it's great. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I’d rather see people in solid relationships sometimes , they are usually less needy.
You don’t need to put on your profile, liars /cheats are east to spot, if you have suspicions just call them randomly in the mornings late at night, early evening it’s really not hard to spot a fake |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Women have a choice about who they fuck. Too many men don't understand this!
I won't meet a married man who is going to chat to his wife about meeting me. |
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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
Not when you put it like that, no. But it was on my last profile (much shorter) and this wasn’t even about sex, ‘twas merely chatting (not even about sex)
But get your POV none the less, which is appreciated. |
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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
"You're being naive if you think people wouldnt expect you to pre-announce that.
No judgement here, as Alice sleeps with married men. But I think you know that you should expect these responses here."
I probably was, my thinking was, it’s not really any of there business what my status is, (naive!!)
I am beginning to realise that now, it’s all an education, and I’m happy to be educated on the way others see things.
Cheers for the POV. |
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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
"Even if it's a fuck site, some people don't want to meet those in ENM relationships. And do you know what? That's absolutely fine. It might feel like it's closing some avenues to great vagina, it probably is but fuck it.
Should it be on your profile or should you mention it very early on? Yeah. Of course. Lean into being an ethical fucker, it's great."
I was until the weekend. But I see what you mean. Call it lesson learned, and move on I guess… |
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I didn't read all your profile however I don't really have an issue with married people...we have been together as a couple for over 25 years with a great sex life as well as life in general, alot of couples, especially long term lose the sex side to their relationship, yet its still a huge need for that person. We have had a chap join us years ago who was married but told us he wasnt, didn't find out he was happily married until after and could have completely thrown him under the bus, but not our business  |
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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
"Women have a choice about who they fuck. Too many men don't understand this!
I won't meet a married man who is going to chat to his wife about meeting me. "
Of course I understand this!! but I appreciate now that I may be a bit narrow minded none the less.
However with your last paragraph, that’s not even something I have ever considered…
Thank you.
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Yes it should be on your profile. I dislike my choices being held from me, wasting my time. When I see a wedding ring in the pics yet no mention in their profile I can still make a choice, but being unwittingly drawn in to aid someone's extra marital affairs is shitty behaviour at best... if people give you shite for it then report and block them as the rest of us do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nobody wants someone’s partner trying to kick a door in and making a scene.
Married / attached guys aren’t generally as clever as they believe and will usually get found out or outed at some point potentially leading to the above.
Being honest gives people choice and a chance to avoid the above. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in the same boat, I am more then open about it and declare it early on in my bio so it shouldn't be missed, Its also something I declare when I get chatting to someone at a club.
I find it sometime restricts me on here witch is fine, but at the club people find my ENM married fascinating and is a really good conversation starter
The end of the day there are many reasons someone might or might not choose to engage with you I wouldn't get all hung up on it, just so long as you are being honest with people and more importantly your wife try not to worry about it. |
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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
"I'm in the same boat, I am more then open about it and declare it early on in my bio so it shouldn't be missed, Its also something I declare when I get chatting to someone at a club.
I find it sometime restricts me on here witch is fine, but at the club people find my ENM married fascinating and is a really good conversation starter
The end of the day there are many reasons someone might or might not choose to engage with you I wouldn't get all hung up on it, just so long as you are being honest with people and more importantly your wife try not to worry about it."
Thank you.
Appreciate this. |
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"I'm in the same boat, I am more then open about it and declare it early on in my bio so it shouldn't be missed, Its also something I declare when I get chatting to someone at a club.
I find it sometime restricts me on here witch is fine, but at the club people find my ENM married fascinating and is a really good conversation starter
The end of the day there are many reasons someone might or might not choose to engage with you I wouldn't get all hung up on it, just so long as you are being honest with people and more importantly your wife try not to worry about it."
Agreed. I think not leading with it, especially on a site like this where you have control of that leads to people thinking ‘if they weren’t honest about that, what else’.
I think lots of people, given the ability to make an informed choice, and with reasonable assurance that the partner is aware and consenting won’t have an issue.
Like a previous poster said, it’s the out of the blue phone call, email or knock at the door people want to avoid for obvious reasons so full disclosure and then everyone knows where they stand |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even if your upfront on your profile you still get roasted for it
That you do. "
Yes but to be fair a person putting that on their profile doesn't mean its true... Does it?
I think it's all well n good writing it in a profile but I would still be extremely wary and most likely pass. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Put it on your profile if you want to. Don't feel you have to just to please others if you don't want to. Because no matter what you do you won't please everyone as long as you tell anyone you are chatting to knows early on that should be the only thing that matters. |
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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
"Put it on your profile if you want to. Don't feel you have to just to please others if you don't want to. Because no matter what you do you won't please everyone as long as you tell anyone you are chatting to knows early on that should be the only thing that matters. "
No, and I spend way toooooo much time trying to please everyone…
Appreciate this too.
Thanks. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
OP you have your face on show so those saying you could be 'outed' are missing something obvious there, given you appear to live somewhere quite specific rather than a vague 'London'where you melt into one of millions.
As others have said you're probably best off being clear and upfront, regardless of it potentially putting some folk off.
All manner of things put people off. Age, height, physical characteristics, preferences and interests. But what cuts a conversation dead often is when face pics are sent, so you've already got that issue sorted.
And asking the forums for their opinions isn't always the answer. You know those shampoo ads that say 98% of people rate something the best? It's generally 98% of 156 people. A small sample. 99% of Fab users don't ever look at the forums so basing any decision on rhe advice of a handful won't affect how the majority see you.
Just be you and make your own choices.
A |
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No, I don't think it should be declared on your profile. Declaring it on your profile is like declaring your ethnic background on your CV: it would close any doors to potential friendships that would otherwise be open.
Declare it, however, at the earliest opportunity when you commence any dialogue, so that there is no subterfuge.
After that you know there will only be two outcomes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Women have a choice about who they fuck. Too many men don't understand this!
I won't meet a married man who is going to chat to his wife about meeting me.
Of course I understand this!! but I appreciate now that I may be a bit narrow minded none the less.
However with your last paragraph, that’s not even something I have ever considered…
Thank you.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP you have your face on show so those saying you could be 'outed' are missing something obvious there, given you appear to live somewhere quite specific rather than a vague 'London'where you melt into one of millions.
As others have said you're probably best off being clear and upfront, regardless of it potentially putting some folk off.
All manner of things put people off. Age, height, physical characteristics, preferences and interests. But what cuts a conversation dead often is when face pics are sent, so you've already got that issue sorted.
And asking the forums for their opinions isn't always the answer. You know those shampoo ads that say 98% of people rate something the best? It's generally 98% of 156 people. A small sample. 99% of Fab users don't ever look at the forums so basing any decision on rhe advice of a handful won't affect how the majority see you.
Just be you and make your own choices.
A"
I agree with your statistical analysis.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I don't think it should be declared on your profile. Declaring it on your profile is like declaring your ethnic background on your CV: it would close any doors to potential friendships that would otherwise be open.
Declare it, however, at the earliest opportunity when you commence any dialogue, so that there is no subterfuge.
After that you know there will only be two outcomes."
Personally I much prefer to have it on my profile then have to bring it up after I have engaged in any messaging, it just saves anyone wasting there time or me getting my hopes up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have no interest in married guys whether they have permission or not. It is only right though you state these facts as it let's people decide.
Nobody is right or wrong we just have preferences.
One similar guy last weekend messaged us and said he was married and wife did not know. We said not interested.
He then got into an argument with himself stating... But you go to swinger clubs and they are full of married men as if to try and validate himself and make out our no thanks was somehow invalid.
The reality was married not married we just weren't interested  |
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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
"OP you have your face on show so those saying you could be 'outed' are missing something obvious there, given you appear to live somewhere quite specific rather than a vague 'London'where you melt into one of millions.
As others have said you're probably best off being clear and upfront, regardless of it potentially putting some folk off.
All manner of things put people off. Age, height, physical characteristics, preferences and interests. But what cuts a conversation dead often is when face pics are sent, so you've already got that issue sorted.
And asking the forums for their opinions isn't always the answer. You know those shampoo ads that say 98% of people rate something the best? It's generally 98% of 156 people. A small sample. 99% of Fab users don't ever look at the forums so basing any decision on rhe advice of a handful won't affect how the majority see you.
Just be you and make your own choices.
A"
Wise words.
Thank you! |
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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
"We have no interest in married guys whether they have permission or not. It is only right though you state these facts as it let's people decide.
Nobody is right or wrong we just have preferences.
One similar guy last weekend messaged us and said he was married and wife did not know. We said not interested.
He then got into an argument with himself stating... But you go to swinger clubs and they are full of married men as if to try and validate himself and make out our no thanks was somehow invalid.
The reality was married not married we just weren't interested "
And one can only respect that view point, if it says no on a profile, it usually is one I’ll just block so that I won’t message them by mistake. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Each to their own, I guess.
I prefer to know upfront as I wouldn’t like to know he’s going home to their wife and talk about me. Same reason I’m not convinced to meet couples. "
Agree with you 100% but whats to say a single guy isn't going back to his mates bragging about your meet with him? |
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"We have no interest in married guys whether they have permission or not. It is only right though you state these facts as it let's people decide.
Nobody is right or wrong we just have preferences.
One similar guy last weekend messaged us and said he was married and wife did not know. We said not interested.
He then got into an argument with himself stating... But you go to swinger clubs and they are full of married men as if to try and validate himself and make out our no thanks was somehow invalid.
The reality was married not married we just weren't interested
And one can only respect that view point, if it says no on a profile, it usually is one I’ll just block so that I won’t message them by mistake. "
That's why we make the distinction of not wanting to meet cheaters - with consent we'd have no issue meeting someone who's married! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have no interest in married guys whether they have permission or not. It is only right though you state these facts as it let's people decide.
Nobody is right or wrong we just have preferences.
One similar guy last weekend messaged us and said he was married and wife did not know. We said not interested.
He then got into an argument with himself stating... But you go to swinger clubs and they are full of married men as if to try and validate himself and make out our no thanks was somehow invalid.
The reality was married not married we just weren't interested
And one can only respect that view point, if it says no on a profile, it usually is one I’ll just block so that I won’t message them by mistake.
That's why we make the distinction of not wanting to meet cheaters - with consent we'd have no issue meeting someone who's married!"
Consent is key as is respecting
a no thanks. Guys who try to cut across a no thanks do themselves no favours whatsoever. |
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"We have no interest in married guys whether they have permission or not. It is only right though you state these facts as it let's people decide.
Nobody is right or wrong we just have preferences.
One similar guy last weekend messaged us and said he was married and wife did not know. We said not interested.
He then got into an argument with himself stating... But you go to swinger clubs and they are full of married men as if to try and validate himself and make out our no thanks was somehow invalid.
The reality was married not married we just weren't interested
And one can only respect that view point, if it says no on a profile, it usually is one I’ll just block so that I won’t message them by mistake.
That's why we make the distinction of not wanting to meet cheaters - with consent we'd have no issue meeting someone who's married!
Consent is key as is respecting
a no thanks. Guys who try to cut across a no thanks do themselves no favours whatsoever. "
Ohhh yes we've had a lot of that. |
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By *ateshugs OP Man
over a year ago
Isle of Man, (Crosby ish) |
Just as a side; not that it really matters, as I’m likely not meeting any of you, but my “status” is now back on my profile.
Just to avoid any doubt…
Oh, and I’ve turned an offer down for sex, so please do not think, that I’d say anything to get my end away, I’m really not that guy… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just as a side; not that it really matters, as I’m likely not meeting any of you, but my “status” is now back on my profile.
Just to avoid any doubt…
Oh, and I’ve turned an offer down for sex, so please do not think, that I’d say anything to get my end away, I’m really not that guy… "
Respect for being honest |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
It should be on your profile ,even if she knows.
My other half has his own profile and full permission to meet from me & I happily confirm this to any potential meets.
Being upfront saves anyone feeling tricked in any way,some women/couples don't want to meet married men,even if they have permission for various reasons.
It's all about having respect in my view ,let people have the facts,then they can make their own choices. |
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"Each to their own, I guess.
I prefer to know upfront as I wouldn’t like to know he’s going home to their wife and talk about me. Same reason I’m not convinced to meet couples.
Agree with you 100% but whats to say a single guy isn't going back to his mates bragging about your meet with him?"
It’s not really the same, isn’t it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Each to their own, I guess.
I prefer to know upfront as I wouldn’t like to know he’s going home to their wife and talk about me. Same reason I’m not convinced to meet couples.
Agree with you 100% but whats to say a single guy isn't going back to his mates bragging about your meet with him?
It’s not really the same, isn’t it? "
I would have thought it was the same if not worse but then I'm not you ever one thinks definitely and thats just how it is
Personally I tell the wife that I have had sex with someone or not but not really any other details then that |
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