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Sexual confidence
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Is the growing confidence in our sexuality that most of us experience as we grow older a sign that we are actually starting to understand ourselves better?
I was having this conversation with a friend earlier... and we came to the conclusion that it does.
What are the forumites' views?  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Most definately, I feel more at ease with myself, and able to express my sexuality better now im older."
Would you agree that when we are younger, say early twenties... we did not enjoy sex anywhere near as much as we do now? And I really thought in my twenties that I liked it... but then I had no idea how much better it would become.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is the growing confidence in our sexuality that most of us experience as we grow older a sign that we are actually starting to understand ourselves better?
I was having this conversation with a friend earlier... and we came to the conclusion that it does.
What are the forumites' views? "
Oh god yes I do agree. |
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"Is the growing confidence in our sexuality that most of us experience as we grow older a sign that we are actually starting to understand ourselves better?
I was having this conversation with a friend earlier... and we came to the conclusion that it does.
What are the forumites' views? "
As I have got older and my life experience has grown so has my confidence. As I have become more independant and relied on guys less and less, I am able to communicate better what I like and just as importantly, don't like. The need to please becomes less important.... |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
So what is that confidence all about? Obviously as we get older we might not be as flawless, have a few wrinkles and cuccly bits... and yet we seem to have much better sex? Where is that confidence coming from? What makes us have that deeper belief in ourselves and our bodies? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's true.
I'm a lot more in tune with my body now than when i was younger.
I'm also not backwards about coming forwards when telling someone what i like.
Have also now started to gush and it seems a lot of older ladies are suddenly doing it out of the blue.... maybe it's because we are a lot more relaxed and starting to understand our own bodies? |
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By *orkieMan
over a year ago
Who knows |
From a guys point of view , yeh in the late teens early twenties it was quantity (if any) not quality. Nowadays you know more what a woman likes and what works.
As women get older they are more at ease with themselves (fewer body and image issues) and are more able to let go and enjoy the occasion |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Yes sexual confidence does grow with age and the more confident you get the more the enjoyment !!
Did I tell I'm 90 years old - lol
X"
You must have it in genuine and true abundance! And the confidence  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that, for myself, it's largely in part due to having a lifetime of slightly wicked experience that has taught me just what all the bits do or won't do, and being sure of how to give and receive pleasure with them.
For the other part, it's just being too damn old to worry about looking like a prat, and so just be daft and enjoy myself!
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"From a guys point of view , yeh in the late teens early twenties it was quantity (if any) not quality. Nowadays you know more what a woman likes and what works.
As women get older they are more at ease with themselves (fewer body and image issues) and are more able to let go and enjoy the occasion "
Sounds to me that you are saying that for a guy the fact the woman is at ease, wobbly bits or whatever and all, makes her sexier for you and therefore that makes sex better for the bloke as well as the woman? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think that, for myself, it's largely in part due to having a lifetime of slightly wicked experience that has taught me just what all the bits do or won't do, and being sure of how to give and receive pleasure with them.
For the other part, it's just being too damn old to worry about looking like a prat, and so just be daft and enjoy myself!
"
I think maybe that latter part of your statement is the key as several others above have expressed similar views... stop worrying about any imperfections and just focus on the fun and sensuality of the moment? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's true.
I'm a lot more in tune with my body now than when i was younger.
I'm also not backwards about coming forwards when telling someone what i like.
Have also now started to gush and it seems a lot of older ladies are suddenly doing it out of the blue.... maybe it's because we are a lot more relaxed and starting to understand our own bodies?"
Absolutely as I'd only been swinging two months and gushed four times in one session  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"... and yet we seem to have much better sex? Where is that confidence coming from? What makes us have that deeper belief in ourselves and our bodies? "
I'm afraid I can't give you a definitive answer, other than to agree with you 100%.
A few years ago I joined Fab, and found a whole lot more than I could ever have imagined. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster at times, but I wouldn't have missed it for all the tea in China!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I am more confident about how I look now and have shrugged away my insecurities about myself.. Mind over matter so to speak... When I was in my early twenties I was less confident sexually however through my thirties I matured to the extent I am now as confident as one can ever be.. without strutting around like a cock bird I hasten to add!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think attitudes have finally arrived at the correct status. How many years ago now is it that homosexualty was decreed 'wrong' and how far do we have to go back in history to find it was acceptable. Only royalty has decreed it right, or wrong |
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Mental strength develops with age. It is toned by the trials of life.
I didn't even have a language for many of the experiences I went through as a child and youth much less be able to process them and that means that one is somehow numb to the subtleties that make so much of a difference not just to sex but to life.
I find myself treating each partner differently because I am tuning into their needs. I never try to question that but just follow my instincts and it certainly seems to work.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by a sexual experience. There are some amazing women on here... I can get "stage fright" from this but I don't panic and just relax, recompose myself and things are fine after a little while.
Some might say this is a lack of confidence but I would suggest it is the reverse. Its not always going to be a perfect performance but the confidence is in knowing how to "rescue it" without a melt down. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Mental strength develops with age. It is toned by the trials of life.
I didn't even have a language for many of the experiences I went through as a child and youth much less be able to process them and that means that one is somehow numb to the subtleties that make so much of a difference not just to sex but to life.
I find myself treating each partner differently because I am tuning into their needs. I never try to question that but just follow my instincts and it certainly seems to work.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by a sexual experience. There are some amazing women on here... I can get "stage fright" from this but I don't panic and just relax, recompose myself and things are fine after a little while.
Some might say this is a lack of confidence but I would suggest it is the reverse. Its not always going to be a perfect performance but the confidence is in knowing how to "rescue it" without a melt down."
Very well put - especially the part about recovery! You acknowledge that things cant be perfect everytime and all the time but there are ways of recovery  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So what is that confidence all about? Obviously as we get older we might not be as flawless, have a few wrinkles and cuccly bits... and yet we seem to have much better sex? Where is that confidence coming from? What makes us have that deeper belief in ourselves and our bodies? "
From a personal point of view i would say confidence comes from experience,as the saying goes you cannot buy experience.I think as you gain confidence your walls come down gradually and your partner will pick up on it and that should in turn make them at ease as well so its a win win situation.
Got to be some benefit to getting older |
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By *orkieMan
over a year ago
Who knows |
"From a guys point of view , yeh in the late teens early twenties it was quantity (if any) not quality. Nowadays you know more what a woman likes and what works.
As women get older they are more at ease with themselves (fewer body and image issues) and are more able to let go and enjoy the occasion Sounds to me that you are saying that for a guy the fact the woman is at ease, wobbly bits or whatever and all, makes her sexier for you and therefore that makes sex better for the bloke as well as the woman? "
Yep not having to worry about makeup, hair extentions, false tan, holding things in (and thats just me lol) and other body imperfections makes for a better experience |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was younger I was not a very sexual person. I don't have a huge sex drive now, but I've learnt not to be embarrassed about my body and to let go and enjoy.
There were things I wouldn't do or experiment with because I thought they were too rude. Over time I've got used to expressing myself sexually.
I used to be embarrassed about the moist sounds my vagina made when being touched when I was really turned on, but over time and as I've matured and lost the inhibitions my parents instilled in me, I've laid myself bare I guess, literally, and learnt to enjoy.
I used to refuse to get into the reverse cowgirl position because I couldn't let him see me that intimately.
Since swinging I'm able to undress in front of others, I've stood in fetish clothing shops and let the assistants bring me an array of clothing whilst I'm just standing in a pair of knickers. My OH cannot believe how much I've changed and how confident I've become.
There are still inhibitions I don't think ill ever shake, anal sex is one of those. Being completely naked and walking around is another. But yes I've certainly learnt to enjoy my body more and I am more confident as I'm getting older.
Just a shame my old bones won't let me get into some positions now and my knees hurt
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I found out more and more about what turns me on as I aged, and there is definitely more than one way to please me.
I am comfortable in talking about my sexual turn on's and off's with like-minded people.
I would rather be honest and upfront in order to ascertain if the other person is sexually compatible, than to be disappointed at a later date.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"When I was younger I was not a very sexual person. I don't have a huge sex drive now, but I've learnt not to be embarrassed about my body and to let go and enjoy.
There were things I wouldn't do or experiment with because I thought they were too rude. Over time I've got used to expressing myself sexually.
I used to be embarrassed about the moist sounds my vagina made when being touched when I was really turned on, but over time and as I've matured and lost the inhibitions my parents instilled in me, I've laid myself bare I guess, literally, and learnt to enjoy.
I used to refuse to get into the reverse cowgirl position because I couldn't let him see me that intimately.
Since swinging I'm able to undress in front of others, I've stood in fetish clothing shops and let the assistants bring me an array of clothing whilst I'm just standing in a pair of knickers. My OH cannot believe how much I've changed and how confident I've become.
There are still inhibitions I don't think ill ever shake, anal sex is one of those. Being completely naked and walking around is another. But yes I've certainly learnt to enjoy my body more and I am more confident as I'm getting older.
Just a shame my old bones won't let me get into some positions now and my knees hurt
"
I think your post quite possibly reflects what many women think - I dont mean necessarily on this site or even in the scene. The embarrassment of the early days, embarrassment of comletely natural things, the taboos instilled in us through parents, religion and other moral codes and the image we have(had) of ourselves of being imperfect.
It is not only great to see other people sharing this experience and talking freely about their own personal journey; this evolution in their lives is a truly liberating experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is the growing confidence in our sexuality that most of us experience as we grow older a sign that we are actually starting to understand ourselves better?
I was having this conversation with a friend earlier... and we came to the conclusion that it does.
What are the forumites' views? "
I still have the mind of a demented 8 year old child so where does this leave me?  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Is the growing confidence in our sexuality that most of us experience as we grow older a sign that we are actually starting to understand ourselves better?
I was having this conversation with a friend earlier... and we came to the conclusion that it does.
What are the forumites' views?
I still have the mind of a demented 8 year old child so where does this leave me? "
I dont have much experience with 8 year olds, and I have no idea what you are referring to when talking about a "demented" child? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we are just generally happier with ourselves when we get older, we know who we are and what we want then and that leads to self confidence.
When undressed now I often stand with my hands on my hips and flaunt, I would never have dreamed of doing that in my 20's!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's true.
I'm a lot more in tune with my body now than when i was younger.
I'm also not backwards about coming forwards when telling someone what i like.
Have also now started to gush and it seems a lot of older ladies are suddenly doing it out of the blue.... maybe it's because we are a lot more relaxed and starting to understand our own bodies?
Absolutely as I'd only been swinging two months and gushed four times in one session "
Wow |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think we are just generally happier with ourselves when we get older, we know who we are and what we want then and that leads to self confidence.
When undressed now I often stand with my hands on my hips and flaunt, I would never have dreamed of doing that in my 20's!!"
I know what you mean - as a teenager all you can find is faults with yourself, well most of us... as you get older you accept yourself for what you are. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My sexual confidence is directly attributed to how many fabs my bottom has received that day.Should be high now...;-)
I am a TIGER! RAAAAARRRRRRRR!!! 
Thank you.  "
Actually I fabbed your lolly, too...;-) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is the growing confidence in our sexuality that most of us experience as we grow older a sign that we are actually starting to understand ourselves better?
I was having this conversation with a friend earlier... and we came to the conclusion that it does.
What are the forumites' views?
I still have the mind of a demented 8 year old child so where does this leave me? I dont have much experience with 8 year olds, and I have no idea what you are referring to when talking about a "demented" child? "
Sorry, think I'm still a bit troubled from the time I was in the audience of 'Cheggers plays pop' |
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"My sexual confidence is directly attributed to how many fabs my bottom has received that day.Should be high now...;-)
I am a TIGER! RAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!
Thank you. Actually I fabbed your lolly, too...;-)"
Yes it's become very erect. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My sexual confidence is directly attributed to how many fabs my bottom has received that day.Should be high now...;-)
I am a TIGER! RAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!
Thank you. Actually I fabbed your lolly, too...;-)
Yes it's become very erect."
lol.. I meant your lovely lips lol...;-) |
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"Is the growing confidence in our sexuality that most of us experience as we grow older a sign that we are actually starting to understand ourselves better?
I was having this conversation with a friend earlier... and we came to the conclusion that it does.
What are the forumites' views? "
I dont think its an age thing as such i mean you could argue that anyone coming on a swing site has to have some sexual confidence.
Perhaps doubts about their own desirability maybe no matter what age ,come to think about it especially single guys who beat there heads against the fem and couple profiles and never get a response ,is that a masochistic act when they continue to try with no response, or is it just dogmatic determination born of confidence they will at some time succeed ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think different partners or past relationships have a big bearing on sexual confidence..i wasnt very confident till my mid 20's and ended up with a regular nsa partner who was in her mid 40's needless to say after 12 months of fun with her confidence was sky high lol  |
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I always assumed that guys would be looking for tall, slim, atractive, young women. Not a short, ordinary 50 something woman, complete with wobbly bits.
Although I've been on Fab for 4 years now, it's taken me until just recently with the help of a guy, who in the last few months has taught me that although not perfect I'm doing ok. To him I say thank you. |
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Think as you do get older you start to think feck it, i may not exactly be a 'double bagger' looks wise so go for it..
and even if i am so what..
with maturity comes confdence, try knew experiences and explore new avenue's and do so for yourself n significant other etc..
firmly of the opinion that a lot of insecurities are instilled in people at an early age with the mmedia, beauty and fashion industry (Grrr) and peer pressure to conform, wear the right clothes etc etc..
think its great that women seem to blossom as a person when they think bollocks to what and whomever i am me this is whom i am and i am going to enjoy life..
late 30's or 40's seems the penny drops and there is nothing more sexy than a confidant woman..
just my opinion.. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I always assumed that guys would be looking for tall, slim, atractive, young women. Not a short, ordinary 50 something woman, complete with wobbly bits.
Although I've been on Fab for 4 years now, it's taken me until just recently with the help of a guy, who in the last few months has taught me that although not perfect I'm doing ok. To him I say thank you."
I can relate to that post! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Think as you do get older you start to think feck it, i may not exactly be a 'double bagger' looks wise so go for it..
and even if i am so what..
with maturity comes confdence, try knew experiences and explore new avenue's and do so for yourself n significant other etc..
firmly of the opinion that a lot of insecurities are instilled in people at an early age with the mmedia, beauty and fashion industry (Grrr) and peer pressure to conform, wear the right clothes etc etc..
think its great that women seem to blossom as a person when they think bollocks to what and whomever i am me this is whom i am and i am going to enjoy life..
late 30's or 40's seems the penny drops and there is nothing more sexy than a confidant woman..
just my opinion.."
I agree - that confidence starts to develop. It is not there one day and was not the previous day. It is something that happens gradually. |
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"I always assumed that guys would be looking for tall, slim, atractive, young women. Not a short, ordinary 50 something woman, complete with wobbly bits.
Although I've been on Fab for 4 years now, it's taken me until just recently with the help of a guy, who in the last few months has taught me that although not perfect I'm doing ok. To him I say thank you."
Exactly.... Its not so much what a woman looks like but how comfortable she is in her own skin.
I also think that we are on this site because we share similar views on sex.
One of the common denominators that was recently pointed out to me here is that we perhaps see sex as a "recreational pass time" rather than just the act between a committed couple. I am not knocking the latter but just drawing a distinction. |
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To be honest im less sexual than when i was younger, i know longer do gangbangs, go to wild parties ect have a different man every night or a few each day.
Im confident in knowing i no longer need that to be fulfilled |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"To be honest im less sexual than when i was younger, i know longer do gangbangs, go to wild parties ect have a different man every night or a few each day.
Im confident in knowing i no longer need that to be fulfilled"
And that is a greater confidence in a way as it is about more than just sexual confidence |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I always assumed that guys would be looking for tall, slim, atractive, young women. Not a short, ordinary 50 something woman, complete with wobbly bits.
Although I've been on Fab for 4 years now, it's taken me until just recently with the help of a guy, who in the last few months has taught me that although not perfect I'm doing ok. To him I say thank you.
Exactly.... Its not so much what a woman looks like but how comfortable she is in her own skin.
I also think that we are on this site because we share similar views on sex.
One of the common denominators that was recently pointed out to me here is that we perhaps see sex as a "recreational pass time" rather than just the act between a committed couple. I am not knocking the latter but just drawing a distinction."
Spot on with the distinction! |
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Age allows you to become experienced in many ways, both in mental attitude and hopefully sexual experiences.
The older you are (in theory) the more you have experienced and learned from life. Which is why I think older folk have so much more fun sexually than younger folk. They learn that its not just the body thats sexually stimulating, but the mind also.
Of course if you have spent most of your life locked away in a convent then my theory goes straight out the window.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
Age allows you to become experienced in many ways, both in mental attitude and hopefully sexual experiences.
The older you are (in theory) the more you have experienced and learned from life. Which is why I think older folk have so much more fun sexually than younger folk. They learn that its not just the body thats sexually stimulating, but the mind also.
Of course if you have spent most of your life locked away in a convent then my theory goes straight out the window.
"
I think you have a point about being older and more experienced as well as the quintessential ingredient of mental stimulation.
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