FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is aftercare important to you
Is aftercare important to you
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on the type of meet. With a spontaneous, spur of the moment one not much is needed but for a longer one, I'd definitely need it and would give it as well to feel more in tune with the environment and where we are  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t mind it, but I find I go really sensitive to touch after sex so it can be a little hard. Gotta give me a few minutes to “cool down” before any post cuddles etc |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I don't meet for casual sex so yes it is actually. And I'm not talking about the minutes after when the cum is drying and you're all blissed out joy. I like the messages after, the little ones that check in on how I'm doing especially if it's been quite intense. Just a few minutes to say hope the drop isn't too bad, it was great.
Whether I get them is another thing entirely. I think maybe I'm too needy and have too high expectations.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't meet for casual sex so yes it is actually. And I'm not talking about the minutes after when the cum is drying and you're all blissed out joy. I like the messages after, the little ones that check in on how I'm doing especially if it's been quite intense. Just a few minutes to say hope the drop isn't too bad, it was great.
Whether I get them is another thing entirely. I think maybe I'm too needy and have too high expectations. "
I’m exactly the same I like the chat after too nothing worse than not hearing anything after |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Very, I’m quite an affectionate person and need lots of tlc, I don’t wanna feel used I guess. "
Same. I love cuddles and all the affectionate stuff after sex. I’m so moist. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't meet for casual sex so yes it is actually. And I'm not talking about the minutes after when the cum is drying and you're all blissed out joy. I like the messages after, the little ones that check in on how I'm doing especially if it's been quite intense. Just a few minutes to say hope the drop isn't too bad, it was great.
Whether I get them is another thing entirely. I think maybe I'm too needy and have too high expectations. "
I get you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends what you mean by aftercare?
If it has been a D/s play then after care is essential to ‘come down’ and to feel grounded and back to normal.
If it is just sex then it depends on your partner/circumstances. I am not going to cuddle up to and chat to someone after I have spaffed my man-muck over them in a gangbang/bukkake, but if they are friends in a private house then relax on the bed afterwards and chat - by all means.
If you mean selfcare, then invariably a hot shower, a coffee and a workout … if I feel I need it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly would depend who im with a lot of the times also how much i care and how far we took it sometimes i would need to comedown to my normal mindset after allowing myself to touch enough of my darkness same as after a rugby game i need to take a few minutes to take the edge of or id be a cunt all night in war mode |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you mean Intimacy after sex Steve?
Or clean up duties (showers etc)"
Sorry. To me aftercare is intimacy stuff. Cleaning up should be important to everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't meet for casual sex so yes it is actually. And I'm not talking about the minutes after when the cum is drying and you're all blissed out joy. I like the messages after, the little ones that check in on how I'm doing especially if it's been quite intense. Just a few minutes to say hope the drop isn't too bad, it was great.
Whether I get them is another thing entirely. I think maybe I'm too needy and have too high expectations. "
I don’t think that’s needy, I think that’s really nice actually. Very sweet. And you said not casual meet ups so I’d expect nothing less tbh, but, not everyone thinks like that I guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it rather amusing it now has a term, when I just assumed that's what you do.
Oh the naive sweet summer child I am.
It's like the rebranding of intermittent fasting, aka I forgot or am too poor for breakfast.
So yeah, apparently I'm a massive proponent of it, as well as breakfast care, did you want lunch care, cuppa tea care and oh shall we change the sheets together care.
Care bear onesie incoming. |
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Aftercare with (both of) us as a couple is as much a part of sex as anything else.
It does vary depending on what we have been doing, but always involves lots of hair stroking, cuddles, chat, laughter and kissing.
There are times when it involves bathing, discussion of fantasy and an extension of roleplay too, and usually comes to an end with either sleep or Lemon Drizzle cake and Tea.
If we are with others, the aftercare (if it is not shared) may have be postponed for a short time but it is never cancelled.
So yes, aftercare for us is very important. |
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"I don't meet for casual sex so yes it is actually. And I'm not talking about the minutes after when the cum is drying and you're all blissed out joy. I like the messages after, the little ones that check in on how I'm doing especially if it's been quite intense. Just a few minutes to say hope the drop isn't too bad, it was great.
Whether I get them is another thing entirely. I think maybe I'm too needy and have too high expectations. "
Nope - i keep in touch afterwards and share texts and fun stuff - if you have been properly intimate with each other ( not ‘ number 9 … over her tits then clear the area’ bukkake - never done that!!) then why wouldn’t you keep in touch? Im guessing it wouldn’t be a one off occurrence in most cases. I prefer more than once.  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I don't meet for casual sex so yes it is actually. And I'm not talking about the minutes after when the cum is drying and you're all blissed out joy. I like the messages after, the little ones that check in on how I'm doing especially if it's been quite intense. Just a few minutes to say hope the drop isn't too bad, it was great.
Whether I get them is another thing entirely. I think maybe I'm too needy and have too high expectations.
I get you "
Thanks Steve. It's always difficult navigating certain things and not knowing whether we expect too much as a person. How do you accurately convey your needs while taking into consideration that the other person has their own, they might drop etc?
I guess that's where having mature conversations come in, open and honest ones and hoping that the other reciprocates. |
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"Do you mean Intimacy after sex Steve?
Or clean up duties (showers etc)
Sorry. To me aftercare is intimacy stuff. Cleaning up should be important to everyone. "
Yes  but sometimes the walk of shame includes cum crusty body parts  |
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Depends, if it's a casual hook up then no, I don't care. The moment has been enjoyed and I would rather go and do my own thing.
If it's my partner then it's nice to just be in each others company after.
If it's kink or bondage then yes I want a massage and head tickles for letting them do unspeakable things to me. |
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"I don't meet for casual sex so yes it is actually. And I'm not talking about the minutes after when the cum is drying and you're all blissed out joy. I like the messages after, the little ones that check in on how I'm doing especially if it's been quite intense. Just a few minutes to say hope the drop isn't too bad, it was great.
Whether I get them is another thing entirely. I think maybe I'm too needy and have too high expectations. "
Not at all but you do need to find the right person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a 'did you get home ok' text is the least I would expect then if they still remember you the next morning in a message and a quick reminisce then I love that too, being a needy type. Depending on the type of meet say a 'typical' fab meet I can let fizzle out. Anything more regular and I want to talk to you forever. And ever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not adverse to it but don't find it necessary. I do tend to go for emotionally unavailable men or those on the Autistic spectrum so it cuts out the need for lovey stuff.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for sharing.
I even cuddle after a ONS. Only the real can relate.
Shout out all my cuddlers. "
How do you know it's a one night stand at that point? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks for sharing.
I even cuddle after a ONS. Only the real can relate.
Shout out all my cuddlers.
How do you know it's a one night stand at that point? "
One of us knows. |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
Its 100% important.
I had a friend I used to party with and he aftercare regime was being fed. As such on the way home from a club I'd get us chips, KFC or some such.
May sound crap but it's what she needed to stop her from dropping and although it wasn't us playing, I was happy to give her that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah it’s important, jus threading for the door once someone has cum doesn’t make you feel good.
I’m also currently doing tattoo aftercare
*heading "
I love tatts. Where’s your latest |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Its 100% important.
I had a friend I used to party with and he aftercare regime was being fed. As such on the way home from a club I'd get us chips, KFC or some such.
May sound crap but it's what she needed to stop her from dropping and although it wasn't us playing, I was happy to give her that "
that’s so sweet |
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"Yeah it’s important, jus threading for the door once someone has cum doesn’t make you feel good.
I’m also currently doing tattoo aftercare
*heading
I love tatts. Where’s your latest "
On my arm, a birthday present to myself for my 40th next month |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah it’s important, jus threading for the door once someone has cum doesn’t make you feel good.
I’m also currently doing tattoo aftercare
*heading
I love tatts. Where’s your latest
On my arm, a birthday present to myself for my 40th next month "
gifting yourself a present is so me. I love that |
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"Yeah it’s important, jus threading for the door once someone has cum doesn’t make you feel good.
I’m also currently doing tattoo aftercare
*heading
I love tatts. Where’s your latest
On my arm, a birthday present to myself for my 40th next month gifting yourself a present is so me. I love that "
Hey if there’s no one to spoil me you can bet I’m definitely spoiling myself |
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Depends on the meet but it’s definitely important. If I don’t get it off the person I slept with I will get it from my partner at least
Though I recently had a bit of bad experience. I had a meet and the guy basically shoved me out of the door after. Like he came and then he couldn’t get me out of the house faster if he tried. I think he was attached and post nut clarity hit him big time  made me feel really shitty after. I nearly deleted my profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes.
Sex is everywhere. Chemistry isnt.
I much prefer the latter, as it makes the former so much more memorable.
None of that splash and dash crap for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah it’s important, jus threading for the door once someone has cum doesn’t make you feel good.
I’m also currently doing tattoo aftercare
*heading
I love tatts. Where’s your latest
On my arm, a birthday present to myself for my 40th next month gifting yourself a present is so me. I love that
Hey if there’s no one to spoil me you can bet I’m definitely spoiling myself "
Nobody to spoil you?
Oh, well… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Very, I’m quite an affectionate person and need lots of tlc, I don’t wanna feel used I guess. "
I like that . I love sweetness . Affection
Before , after , and over the phone when far away .
Attention . Yes please x x |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Not particularly. I usually get dressed and leave. I don't really know what they could do to care for me afterwards.
Maybe tea, but most are usually itching to get rid of me and I don't want to sip tea in an awkward atmosphere.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not particularly. I usually get dressed and leave. I don't really know what they could do to care for me afterwards.
Maybe tea, but most are usually itching to get rid of me and I don't want to sip tea in an awkward atmosphere.
"
I quite like you but we are not compatible it seems |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have my own aftercare. A bottle of Lucozade and a Dairy Milk bar for the bus/train journey home.
If it's a long journey it will be a bag of Haribos and a book on the train.
"
the ones with gelatine in? |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Not particularly. I usually get dressed and leave. I don't really know what they could do to care for me afterwards.
Maybe tea, but most are usually itching to get rid of me and I don't want to sip tea in an awkward atmosphere.
I quite like you but we are not compatible it seems "
Such is life, Steve.
Not everyone can make a good cuppa tea  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like affection and sweetness .
I like be a good host and enjoy a good hang out . Mixed up with laughs n sexy fun .
Then regular x better
I find it much better then a hook up or just bang sex that’s it .
But if the lady doesn’t want, is fine . not pushy
Go with the flow I guess … |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I have my own aftercare. A bottle of Lucozade and a Dairy Milk bar for the bus/train journey home.
If it's a long journey it will be a bag of Haribos and a book on the train.
the ones with gelatine in?"
I don't know. I can't read the small print on the bags without my glasses on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have my own aftercare. A bottle of Lucozade and a Dairy Milk bar for the bus/train journey home.
If it's a long journey it will be a bag of Haribos and a book on the train.
"
Question is, would you share the haribos ? |
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If I’ve played with someone in a club, no aftercare required.
If we’ve had a private meet and chatted before hand then I’d expect a follow up message afterwards to say thanks/check I’m ok/something. Doesn’t have to lead to anything else, but I think it’s nice to bookend a meet with some manners. I don’t like feeling like effort it reserved for only getting into my pants. |
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I’d say it depends on the person and intensity of sex.
Most of the times I prefer to be left alone but it’s a well known fact I bake the best cakes to be consumed after, preferably with a cup of coffee |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not particularly. I usually get dressed and leave. I don't really know what they could do to care for me afterwards.
Maybe tea, but most are usually itching to get rid of me and I don't want to sip tea in an awkward atmosphere.
I quite like you but we are not compatible it seems
Such is life, Steve.
Not everyone can make a good cuppa tea "
I can. I make the best. But I also am big on the cuddling. Less so on the getting up to make drinks after. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aftercare really important to both of us and we'd want us both giving and receiving aftercare if/when we play separately. If a full swap with another couple some aftercare but we'd expect to migrate fairly soon back to each other.
E |
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"Yeah it’s important, jus threading for the door once someone has cum doesn’t make you feel good.
I’m also currently doing tattoo aftercare
*heading
I love tatts. Where’s your latest
On my arm, a birthday present to myself for my 40th next month gifting yourself a present is so me. I love that
Hey if there’s no one to spoil me you can bet I’m definitely spoiling myself
Nobody to spoil you?
Oh, well… "
Is that an offer? |
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Absolutely - we have mainly met singles so we know they’ll be by themselves afterwards. So whilst we’ve got each other to chat things through, reminisce and feel close with, they’ll either be going back to be by themselves or into vanilla life.
So we make sure we keep in contact afterwards, we share our viewpoints, hot moments, funny stuff…we love ensuring they are still in our thoughts.
Memories won’t have been made without them
K |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"Its 100% important.
I had a friend I used to party with and he aftercare regime was being fed. As such on the way home from a club I'd get us chips, KFC or some such.
May sound crap but it's what she needed to stop her from dropping and although it wasn't us playing, I was happy to give her that that’s so sweet "
 I always try and look after my friends. Many don't necessarily realise it's aftercare but it's a form of it for sure
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"Absolutely - we have mainly met singles so we know they’ll be by themselves afterwards. So whilst we’ve got each other to chat things through, reminisce and feel close with, they’ll either be going back to be by themselves or into vanilla life.
So we make sure we keep in contact afterwards, we share our viewpoints, hot moments, funny stuff…we love ensuring they are still in our thoughts.
Memories won’t have been made without them
K "
Very lucky singles. What a great approach to it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on the person you are meeting.Some only want sex and no ties,Some want more but without the commitment of a relationship.You behavue accordingly unless your cold maybe? |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Or do you let your tattoos go funny until you have to have your arm off?
KIDDING!
I’m talking about after sex care. So… is it? Why? "
I'm here for more and I hope to find it, its as honest a place as you'll find  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Damn it Pickle. Whyyyyyy?
Wait wait wait.
Pickle, the fucks that?
Not having this disrespect.
Oh yeah.
Should have told you.
Probably best you get tested.
Love you.
"
Again?
I thought we cleared this up last time?
And I don't mean that aggressive course of antibiotics.
Goddammit.
I hope your hopelessly exploitative clothing has any number of appendages sewn into it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or do you let your tattoos go funny until you have to have your arm off?
KIDDING!
I’m talking about after sex care. So… is it? Why? "
It really depends on the people involved.Who you would say was the right type for you or the type of people your meeting. |
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I think it depends on the person and the level of intimacy I have with them.
Adore curling up new to my lover for long snog and sleep. Other times quick kiss and cuddle is fine.
I've also done the fuck and leave thing, which, if agreed, can be really good too. |
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Aftercare is absolutely essential to cope with subdrop, and not just at the time. Texting,calling,reassuring regularly in the next 48 hours matters hugely if it isn't a live-in relationship.
The transition from utter, naked vulnerability and trust, to getting one's armour on to face the world of work, etc, is too hard to manage without support. And chocolate helps, too. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I have my own aftercare. A bottle of Lucozade and a Dairy Milk bar for the bus/train journey home.
If it's a long journey it will be a bag of Haribos and a book on the train.
Question is, would you share the haribos ? "
If someone on my train home needed a gummy bear I'd share.
They would have to be someone special to get my cherry though.
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"Aftercare is absolutely essential to cope with subdrop, and not just at the time. Texting,calling,reassuring regularly in the next 48 hours matters hugely if it isn't a live-in relationship.
The transition from utter, naked vulnerability and trust, to getting one's armour on to face the world of work, etc, is too hard to manage without support. And chocolate helps, too."
^^
Agreed. This goes for Dom drop too |
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"Na fuck that bollocks
Find the nearest curtain on the way out and done
What if they only have metal blinds?
Nanna, you can hold me in your chest anytime
I've just bought a new padlock for it "
That's a real shame.....playtime disallowed  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aftercare is absolutely essential to cope with subdrop, and not just at the time. Texting,calling,reassuring regularly in the next 48 hours matters hugely if it isn't a live-in relationship.
The transition from utter, naked vulnerability and trust, to getting one's armour on to face the world of work, etc, is too hard to manage without support. And chocolate helps, too."
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"Aftercare is absolutely essential to cope with subdrop, and not just at the time. Texting,calling,reassuring regularly in the next 48 hours matters hugely if it isn't a live-in relationship.
The transition from utter, naked vulnerability and trust, to getting one's armour on to face the world of work, etc, is too hard to manage without support. And chocolate helps, too."
This is the perfect answer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer to chill, chat, have a drink, check we are both OK after a session, that's why I like repeat meets.
Checking in after we have gone our separate ways is polite and nice and also why I like repeat meets so I can build that kind of friendship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aftercare is absolutely essential to cope with subdrop, and not just at the time. Texting,calling,reassuring regularly in the next 48 hours matters hugely if it isn't a live-in relationship.
The transition from utter, naked vulnerability and trust, to getting one's armour on to face the world of work, etc, is too hard to manage without support. And chocolate helps, too."
Depends on the type of meet of course, but this sums it up perfect and beautifully. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Aftercare is absolutely essential to cope with subdrop, and not just at the time. Texting,calling,reassuring regularly in the next 48 hours matters hugely if it isn't a live-in relationship.
The transition from utter, naked vulnerability and trust, to getting one's armour on to face the world of work, etc, is too hard to manage without support. And chocolate helps, too."
Oh this is so beautifully written, you really do have a way with words.
I wouldn't say I have subdrop because I'm not a sub but I've definitely had/have drops.
I've never really had that aftercare. The texts after. The calls. I think it's something I'd really like, I place value on that sort of thing. But I also don't want to be seen as needy or intrude on another's time when they have their own stuff going on so I'm getting better at handling drops by myself. |
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"
I've never really had that aftercare. The texts after. The calls. I think it's something I'd really like, I place value on that sort of thing. But I also don't want to be seen as needy or intrude on another's time when they have their own stuff going on so I'm getting better at handling drops by myself."
As ever,the 'each to their own' caveat is key, but personally, I think what happens afterwards can't be separated from what happens before and during. But the, though not every experience I have will be explicitly D/s, or necessarily look anything other than vanilla from the outside, that Dom sensibility isn't something I put on for 'playtime'. It's always there, and necessarily colours everything I do.
So of course Compersion is right, and many people want a 'fuck and go', and good luck to them! Plenty of people here will be able to offer that and do it brilliantly. I do think, though, if someone DOES have a need for that kind of aftercare, and articulates it either spoken or unspoken, it is the duty of the other party to fulfil it. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"
I've never really had that aftercare. The texts after. The calls. I think it's something I'd really like, I place value on that sort of thing. But I also don't want to be seen as needy or intrude on another's time when they have their own stuff going on so I'm getting better at handling drops by myself.
As ever,the 'each to their own' caveat is key, but personally, I think what happens afterwards can't be separated from what happens before and during. But the, though not every experience I have will be explicitly D/s, or necessarily look anything other than vanilla from the outside, that Dom sensibility isn't something I put on for 'playtime'. It's always there, and necessarily colours everything I do.
So of course Compersion is right, and many people want a 'fuck and go', and good luck to them! Plenty of people here will be able to offer that and do it brilliantly. I do think, though, if someone DOES have a need for that kind of aftercare, and articulates it either spoken or unspoken, it is the duty of the other party to fulfil it. "
Yes; there's a definite element of to each their own. I'm aware Pickles deliberately left the OP vague so it didn't become just a discussion on protocols for the more kinky minded but a more rounded discussion. Like little messages saying, ta for that earth shattering sex following some "vanilla" sex.
I'm not sure if there is a duty for any person to fulfil something I want/need. I'd rather someone chose to do something because they wanted to, not out of some sense of duty. Maybe I'm just telling myself that though because I've not had it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
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I've never really had that aftercare. The texts after. The calls. I think it's something I'd really like, I place value on that sort of thing. But I also don't want to be seen as needy or intrude on another's time when they have their own stuff going on so I'm getting better at handling drops by myself.
As ever,the 'each to their own' caveat is key, but personally, I think what happens afterwards can't be separated from what happens before and during. But the, though not every experience I have will be explicitly D/s, or necessarily look anything other than vanilla from the outside, that Dom sensibility isn't something I put on for 'playtime'. It's always there, and necessarily colours everything I do.
So of course Compersion is right, and many people want a 'fuck and go', and good luck to them! Plenty of people here will be able to offer that and do it brilliantly. I do think, though, if someone DOES have a need for that kind of aftercare, and articulates it either spoken or unspoken, it is the duty of the other party to fulfil it.
Yes; there's a definite element of to each their own. I'm aware Pickles deliberately left the OP vague so it didn't become just a discussion on protocols for the more kinky minded but a more rounded discussion. Like little messages saying, ta for that earth shattering sex following some "vanilla" sex.
I'm not sure if there is a duty for any person to fulfil something I want/need. I'd rather someone chose to do something because they wanted to, not out of some sense of duty. Maybe I'm just telling myself that though because I've not had it. "
Oh I understand you so well Meli. Not sure if it’s a duty but common decency? It doesn’t matter what type of relationship you have with someone to get treated and respected like any human being should. |
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