FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > ‘Time Waster’
‘Time Waster’
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it is misused. Everyone has the right to change their mind at any time about meeting or more, whether before, during or after they've met. Time wasting should only apply if people don't turn up and don't let people know. |
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I think time wasters are those who either string you along on a convo or who don’t turn up when you arrange a meet.
The first can be dealt with by a block and the second just needs a good spidey sense. |
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I would say someone who arranges to meet and doesn’t show up. Or someone you chat to a lot and look forward to meeting to realise they have snapchatted their pics or whatever apps they use and look nothing like them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're not wrong for removing yourself. And you're not a time waster. You were genuinely interested from the sounds of it.
I see a time waster as someone who never had the intention of it ever going anywhere in the first place, but still contacted you and led you on with lies instead of honesty about what they wanted. |
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"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
I thought that people referred to time waster because they don't turn up at meets & never had the intention to turn up in the first place OR misrepresentation (couple accounts for single). |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
no thats your choice to make that does not make you a timewaster ... if thats what someone is calling you that its because they are bitter n twisted about being rejected ... stick to your guns its not right until you feel its right and you can pull out anytime even to the point of meeting and changing your mind |
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"I think it is misused. Everyone has the right to change their mind at any time about meeting or more, whether before, during or after they've met. Time wasting should only apply if people don't turn up and don't let people know."
It's definitely a term that gets misused here, everyone seems to have their own definition of it. Like "ghosting" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's definitely a term that gets misused here, everyone seems to have their own definition of it. Like "ghosting""
Yes! A couple of small talk messages, flatline… ‘you’ve ghosted me’. I haven’t, you just haven’t said anything I want to respond to…  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's definitely a term that gets misused here, everyone seems to have their own definition of it. Like "ghosting"
Yes! A couple of small talk messages, flatline… ‘you’ve ghosted me’. I haven’t, you just haven’t said anything I want to respond to… "
shes bringing the heat  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
No that's just being honest.
If your not feeling it then you're doing the right thing.
A timewaster to me is someone who arranges a meet but doesn't show or even let you know they're not coming. |
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The ghosting, fine, whatever. Annoying.
For me to get all dressed up, change other plans and wait at home or in the pub or something - where I could literally be doing something with someone else - that to me is time wasting.
One fella, a few years ago even asked me to swap shifts and STILL left me sat at home like a knobhead. Absolute SWINES are some people.
GG x |
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Anybody who makes an arrangement and either doesn't stick with it, doesn't give advance notice of a change, or apologise if they don't stick to agreed plans is time-wasting. I don't see this as controversial.
It happens a lot. It has happened with us several times, on and off Fab. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
Not at all.
My definition of time wasting in this context, would be arranging something and the person not showing without a plausible excuse (incidents can happen!).
Another possibility would be any form of catfishing that tricks you into meeting on false pretense. |
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As far as I'm concerned it's only time wasting if your not honest if you can't meet for some reason then just be honest about it don't pretend you want to meet when you have no intention. Some people consider you a time waster if you are after something different than them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
In our experience a time waster is someone who you have been talking to for a while, says they will meet and don't. I get things happen but to say you want to meet and either never set a date or just not reply is what we describe as a time waster. And of course time waster are those with fake profiles  |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
Personally that’s why I like clubs
I go and what ever happens happens - I may say to people oh I am going on this or that night and I will see you there
For me a time waster would be you arrange a meet and they don’t turn up or never set a concrete time for a meet when meets are being discussed |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
no you're right for those that turn up its for the ones that don't that it's describing  |
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Like others, I view them as people who fix a specific time, date and place to meet and they fail to attend or provide notification of their change of plans.
As most people are not mutually compatible with most other people, we should expect that some chats will be very positive but to end, without any meet or sex. Too many people see the hot, positive early messages as a likely guarantee that it's a closed deal. It takes time to filter the right from the wrong and many complaints in the forum seem to have totally misunderstood this concept and process. |
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"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
I'll tell you later |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's why I always update my profile if I'm taking a break from actual meets, I'll also slip it in to the chat early on to be sure as not all who say they've read it actually have.
It's fun to flirt even if you're not meeting but I am always always really clear about whether I'm open to more than chat.
Some guys try to keep suggesting over and over and I'll refer them back or eventually end the chat.
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"I think it is misused. Everyone has the right to change their mind at any time about meeting or more, whether before, during or after they've met. Time wasting should only apply if people don't turn up and don't let people know."
A lot of chatters are fantasists though. Also if you change your mind have the manners or courage to say so. Yes everyone has the right to change their mind but let the other person. They don't really bother me lol can suss most of them out anyway. The real timewasters are those who send you to addresses they dont live at |
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"You're not wrong for removing yourself. And you're not a time waster. You were genuinely interested from the sounds of it.
I see a time waster as someone who never had the intention of it ever going anywhere in the first place, but still contacted you and led you on with lies instead of honesty about what they wanted."
This is my definition too, from bitter experience. No shows are even worse  |
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Fake profiles, Cat-fish & no-shows.
Fake profiles, where they never intend to meet, but get off on being bombarded by thirsty emails. Usually men pretending to be single women. Sadly some men are so desperate that they will verify profiles, even if they haven't met.
Cat-fish. Either very old photos, exaggerated description or single men with a couple's profile to get round filters.
They hope that when they turn up, you'll be so horny, that you will overlook that she is twenty stone,not Sharon Stone (joke, BBWs are in demand so they don't need to Cat-fish) or the guy who's profile says 6'2" & VWE is actually 5'6" and average.
No shows. May be fakes, may be real.
Make arrangements to meet and don't show up. Either because they never intended to (fakes) or got nervous at the last minute, or had a better offer. The key thing about this time waster is they do not communicate to say that they're not coming.
Not time-wasting
Long email exchanges, where you get to know each other. That knowledge might mean that either side decides they're not going to meet.
Cancelling a meet, preferably with a decent amount of notice. Friends and family pop round, cars break down, some days are shitty and you just are not in the mood to swing. Life happens. Be honest and say so, not leaving the other people hanging.
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"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
That seems like a very worthy definition.
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
I'm not sure they really exist. I do think that people who change their mind, or are just looking to chat, etc are real enough. I don't think there are people out there who deliberately get up and decide to waste someone's time  |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
Never any telling how long chatting can take before you discover if you have enough in common to arrange a meet, I wouldn't class that as time wasted as it's essential to be sure you might even want to have a social. Even after a social if you didn't connect that's still not time wasted, it's good to build confidence and meet new people. I would say time wasting is like a male half of a couple wanting to chat for ages as if both of the couple are there and stringing you along just whilst you both talk about his wife who is'nt even there so he can get himself off, time wasting is carrying on with a diminishingly interesting exchange of messages when they have already decided you are not for them and they won't just say it, it is better to just say so rather than keep you hanging like some puppet on a string then you can move on to another chat. Total time wasting would be not turning up to a meet and would make you very wary of setting up a meet next time. |
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"I'm not sure they really exist. I do think that people who change their mind, or are just looking to chat, etc are real enough. I don't think there are people out there who deliberately get up and decide to waste someone's time "
I was reading fesshole on twitter some months ago, and one guy confessed that he liked to pretend to be a woman on a swingers website and give fake hotel room numbers to men saying to meet "her" there. He said he found it hilarious to picture horny men trying to find these rooms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure they really exist. I do think that people who change their mind, or are just looking to chat, etc are real enough. I don't think there are people out there who deliberately get up and decide to waste someone's time
I was reading fesshole on twitter some months ago, and one guy confessed that he liked to pretend to be a woman on a swingers website and give fake hotel room numbers to men saying to meet "her" there. He said he found it hilarious to picture horny men trying to find these rooms. "
I love fesshole ! |
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"I'm not sure they really exist. I do think that people who change their mind, or are just looking to chat, etc are real enough. I don't think there are people out there who deliberately get up and decide to waste someone's time
I was reading fesshole on twitter some months ago, and one guy confessed that he liked to pretend to be a woman on a swingers website and give fake hotel room numbers to men saying to meet "her" there. He said he found it hilarious to picture horny men trying to find these rooms. "
I once dropped a friend at a hotel that was way at the other side of our city and there were like 9 men all there thinking they were the only one. It was ridiculous. I had a sneaky feeling the culprit was in the bar/car watching.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we connect with someone we arrange a social quite quickly.
If they can’t meet us for awhile for some reason then we let them continue their journey.
We don’t spend much time messaging and won’t be tempted by wank chat so you can’t waste much of our time.
If they don’t turn up for an agreed meet then they have wasted a little of our time but we always plan to have lunch wherever we’re meeting them so fuck em. |
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"I'm not sure they really exist. I do think that people who change their mind, or are just looking to chat, etc are real enough. I don't think there are people out there who deliberately get up and decide to waste someone's time
I was reading fesshole on twitter some months ago, and one guy confessed that he liked to pretend to be a woman on a swingers website and give fake hotel room numbers to men saying to meet "her" there. He said he found it hilarious to picture horny men trying to find these rooms.
I love fesshole ! "
Me too! And that does sound pretty amusing to be fair. A bit mean just doing it to random guys though |
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I got called a "Time Waster" for looking after my own mental wellbeing, all because I don't like meeting straight away after 2/3 messages...
Guess for some it's got no meaning. For me it's anyone who comes out with a terrible excuse prior to meeting or just doesn't show with no reason.
I like a good chat, so I'm not going to call someone who's messaging alot a time waster, because if the chats good your not wasting my time. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
You're not wrong op
A time wasted to me is someone who arranges to meet and doesn't turn up and doesn't let you know or cancels last minute a few times.
People can change their mind at anytime when chatting or even after a social meet or more.
Some just throw the time waster around when people don't want to meet them. |
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A time waster to me is a person who's on fab for all the wrong reason aka not an actual swinger or I've been talking too for absolutely ages even a year or two and they have no intention to meet up or better still makes the plans and doesn't show up...
This goes for everyone in life not just fab people aswell there's an awful lot of them about too...
Xx cj x |
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"And that does sound pretty amusing to be fair. "
What’s amusing about it? People who have put time, money and effort into getting there, actually trying to get along and finding they’d feet and engaging in the lifestyle just to be caught out with twatty tricks like this.
I don’t think it’s amusing in the slightest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it easy to block people that IMO are "time wasters,"
EG - contact you with one a few words = pretend they have read your profile when clearly not .
As others have said, a time waster can mean various things and often someone not getting their way/etc. But the real time wasters are those that have agreed to meet and no show and or make feeble excuses. |
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For me it’s someone who has exchanged a series of messages and arrange a social date and then just flatline stop communicating. What was the point?
And of course the worst are the ones who don’t turn up at all with no explanation (but fortunately this hasn’t yet happened to me). |
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Two different things I think - everyone has conversations which start, then just peter out. That's fine, nobody owes anyone anything, sometimes there's just no spark there. Be an adult and move on...
'Time waster' feels more like people who've got absolutely no intention of meeting (usually because they're in a relationship, are bored and entertaining themselves - had a few of these during lockdown), or are (most commonly) a bloke still running a defunct couples' profile and pretending that they're still an active couple who want to meet. The former isn't an issue at all, the latter two get pretty tiresome... |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
For me a timewaster is someone who chats and arranges to meet but goes quiet and has no intention of showing for whatever reason and doesn't contact the other person to let them know.Or those who pretend they want to meet at some stage but are just after wank material, it's why I don't do sex chats or exchange any pics on here it usually gets rid of them pretty fast when you do.
Someone who stops chatting before arranging is not,it is usually just chats fizzling out.
Sometimes it is tough to get schedules to align so ye can meet but just because it's difficult that does not make someone a timewaster,if you both want to meet it will happen at some point.
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"I think time wasters are those who either string you along on a convo or who don’t turn up when you arrange a meet.
The first can be dealt with by a block and the second just needs a good spidey sense."
I've noticed that when it comes to endless chat that these people always tend to quote that they themselves are not time wasters. The irony of it all |
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"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
Not that bother by you question But you are crazy HOT!.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m curious. What exactly is a ‘time waster’?
I thought people chatted and even met, and sometimes their communication styles don’t align, values don’t match up or the chemistry isn’t there, and they were allowed to politely remove themselves from the situation.
Am I wrong in this?"
A timewaster is just that ..wastes your time , strings you along with no intention of ever meeting. |
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