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Impact analysis
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Another thread made me think about how much of what we say and signal to other people non-verbally by giving them a look of approval/ disapproval etc. and the effect this may have on them.
Granted, it is possible to upset/ anger/ frustrate a person by saying unpleasant things. But can one really take responsibility for another person's emotional response?
There is probably not a binary answer to this but I think that I do not assume (for myself at least) that I have the power to CREATE a strong emotional response in somebody unless that feeling was already there, perhaps transferred from another, earlier experience.
I am curious.... |
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I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly. "
This is OUTRAGEOUS. |
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"Another thread made me think about how much of what we say and signal to other people non-verbally by giving them a look of approval/ disapproval etc. and the effect this may have on them.
Granted, it is possible to upset/ anger/ frustrate a person by saying unpleasant things. But can one really take responsibility for another person's emotional response?
There is probably not a binary answer to this but I think that I do not assume (for myself at least) that I have the power to CREATE a strong emotional response in somebody unless that feeling was already there, perhaps transferred from another, earlier experience.
I am curious.... "
I always smile at people and people smile back and quite often chat so I think if you smile when you are chatting away it's difficult to take offence but theirs always someone, you can't please alla the people alla the time  |
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Having said that.......
I do feel people should respond. They shouldn't ever feel they need to be silent but they should steer away from attacking the other person or telling them what they should and should not say..
Equally ..... those who think that everyone has the right to their opinion regardless of others feelings on the matter shouldn't feel they have carte blanche to transgress laws and mores |
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"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
This is OUTRAGEOUS."
Are you looking at your knob again ..... tsk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
This is OUTRAGEOUS.
Are you looking at your knob again ..... tsk. "
It's a cry for help, GC. |
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I think that, ultimately, people are responsible for their own emotional responses. I can’t make anyone love me - or even like me. I can influence it but their reaction is their reaction.
I can probably bring out negative responses more easily but that is simply because people are primed to respond to threats much more quickly.
At the end of the day if people were much more aware of their own emotional responses then I think the world would be better - but people are human and humans like to blame others for how they feel. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly. "
With you on that one - it is even more concerning when seeing it played out in public life, too. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Ps i didnt read the op it seemed for too clever brain boxy _eli type thread so just put what i guessed it might be about "
That's cool - really! It was not a brainy post tbh, certainly not intended to exclude anybody but I was curious about how much in communicating is "our versus their" issue?
And it is not always clear because we cannot always see what our comment may trigger in them. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
This is OUTRAGEOUS.
Are you looking at your knob again ..... tsk.
It's a cry for help, GC."
 |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think that, ultimately, people are responsible for their own emotional responses. I can’t make anyone love me - or even like me. I can influence it but their reaction is their reaction.
I can probably bring out negative responses more easily but that is simply because people are primed to respond to threats much more quickly.
At the end of the day if people were much more aware of their own emotional responses then I think the world would be better - but people are human and humans like to blame others for how they feel."
I agree with you, especially the last para.
And re people being primed... it feels these days as if any tolerance and moment of reflection is disappearing and we jump to conclusions, make assumptions about the other person's intention and lash out far too quickly, would you agree? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think that it is possible to create a feeling in someone else. Not by one look of word but certainly by many, over time. "
So you are saying the cumulative effect like in a long term relationship creates and reinforces a feeling?
When I wrote the original post I was more thinking of here and in the moment kind of responses but I think you are right about the positive as well as negative ongoing reinforcements can help build a person's confidence or conversely destroy it. |
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"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly. "
There is a one word answer to offence I think - ‘intent’.
I find now that points are not made in a dispassionate way - points are often made aggressively to deter healthy debate and if you don’t agree with my point of view - you are in some way wrong or ill informed.
I see it on here more and more - you can disagree with someones point of view without them being a C&nt - which is increasingly the options - agree or be labelled. You can be passionate without being insulting or dismissive of someones opinion.
Be passionate, be opinionated but be open to other opinions - you can respectfully agree to have completely opposing opinions on things. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
There is a one word answer to offence I think - ‘intent’.
I find now that points are not made in a dispassionate way - points are often made aggressively to deter healthy debate and if you don’t agree with my point of view - you are in some way wrong or ill informed.
I see it on here more and more - you can disagree with someones point of view without them being a C&nt - which is increasingly the options - agree or be labelled. You can be passionate without being insulting or dismissive of someones opinion.
Be passionate, be opinionated but be open to other opinions - you can respectfully agree to have completely opposing opinions on things. "
Agree. So how DO we know the intent - or is it wise to assume benevolence in the first place? I tend to do that but sometimes find myself corrected after a few exchanges |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ps i didnt read the op it seemed for too clever brain boxy _eli type thread so just put what i guessed it might be about
That's cool - really! It was not a brainy post tbh, certainly not intended to exclude anybody but I was curious about how much in communicating is "our versus their" issue?
And it is not always clear because we cannot always see what our comment may trigger in them."
your not wtong im always saying stuff i think folks will laugh at only to get the rolling tubblew--d of doom |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Ps i didnt read the op it seemed for too clever brain boxy _eli type thread so just put what i guessed it might be about
That's cool - really! It was not a brainy post tbh, certainly not intended to exclude anybody but I was curious about how much in communicating is "our versus their" issue?
And it is not always clear because we cannot always see what our comment may trigger in them.your not wtong im always saying stuff i think folks will laugh at only to get the rolling tubblew--d of doom "
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I think that it is possible to create a feeling in someone else. Not by one look of word but certainly by many, over time.
So you are saying the cumulative effect like in a long term relationship creates and reinforces a feeling?
When I wrote the original post I was more thinking of here and in the moment kind of responses but I think you are right about the positive as well as negative ongoing reinforcements can help build a person's confidence or conversely destroy it."
Repetition will have a much stronger influence and effect than a one off remark or passing comment, so yes ongoing actions and words do have a cumulative effect on people.
But as has been said, you're never responsible for or able to predict how someone else reacts to your words or actions. Many things are lost in translation, especially humour, sarcasm and off the cuff non-serious comments and remarks. You'll often not know someone's past history which will shape how they react, their personal beliefs and values nor any strongly held opinions.
But again - we're not responsible for any of those. So as long as any comments aren't made with the deliberate intention of being abusive, aggressive or disrespectful then the reaction is on them, not you.
A |
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"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
There is a one word answer to offence I think - ‘intent’.
I find now that points are not made in a dispassionate way - points are often made aggressively to deter healthy debate and if you don’t agree with my point of view - you are in some way wrong or ill informed.
I see it on here more and more - you can disagree with someones point of view without them being a C&nt - which is increasingly the options - agree or be labelled. You can be passionate without being insulting or dismissive of someones opinion.
Be passionate, be opinionated but be open to other opinions - you can respectfully agree to have completely opposing opinions on things. "
Who is using Todger's account ?
|
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"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
There is a one word answer to offence I think - ‘intent’.
I find now that points are not made in a dispassionate way - points are often made aggressively to deter healthy debate and if you don’t agree with my point of view - you are in some way wrong or ill informed.
I see it on here more and more - you can disagree with someones point of view without them being a C&nt - which is increasingly the options - agree or be labelled. You can be passionate without being insulting or dismissive of someones opinion.
Be passionate, be opinionated but be open to other opinions - you can respectfully agree to have completely opposing opinions on things. "
I think the point about “if you disagree with me then you are somehow wrong or ill informed” is increasingly coming from the fact that we are retreating into tribes which is creating group think. The tribe identity becomes more important than the thing that is being discussed and people are unable to have an opinion of their own if it disagrees with what the tribe says it should be. |
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It’s hard to predict how someone will read and take your message. Some will deliberately go out of their way to find a negative edge to the written word, some misread what was intended and some get it straight away.
My advice is to just be yourself and try not to please everyone. You can see this trait on the forums and it comes across as extremely fake. Just be you and folk with the same energy as will gravitate in your direction.
No more sensible talk, would you like to see me knob OP?  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"It’s hard to predict how someone will read and take your message. Some will deliberately go out of their way to find a negative edge to the written word, some misread what was intended and some get it straight away.
My advice is to just be yourself and try not to please everyone. You can see this trait on the forums and it comes across as extremely fake. Just be you and folk with the same energy as will gravitate in your direction.
No more sensible talk, would you like to see me knob OP? "
Now I am mortally offended !!!
I am not referred to as sensible very often!
On top of all that, being offered the sight of a very nice know!!
Whatever next....
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think all human interraction goes better if everyone starts on a good faith basis- assume good intentions and this if someone does offend or anger then assume this was unintentional.
Of course it's reasonable to change those assumptions if the evidence points in another direction, but thinking the worse from the off just poisons our experiences. Unfortunately there are plenty of threads on here which go that way  |
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If I choose to interact with someone and they react disproportionately to my gesture then no, I'd wouldn't take responsibility for their response.
I'll always remember the story about the cashier who passed a smile along to all her customers in one day and the different effects it had on the people's moods. |
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From experience there are some people who are professional victims who take offence at words or actions that appear inoffensive to everyone else.
I've seen it on here when people are offended on behalf of others or are in defence mode before a word is spoken or typed.
I've had messages from people crying their eyes out and directing me to a forum comment that wasn't even aimed at them. On the flip side I've seen those same people accept forum compliments that weren't aimed at them either.
Then again a word or action could get different reactions depending on where they originate. In those cases it's not what is said that determines the reaction but who says it.
I am triggered by hypocrites so that may be on me but I will justify my reaction by saying it's more often than not based on fact and personal engagement than hearsay. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think all human interraction goes better if everyone starts on a good faith basis- assume good intentions and this if someone does offend or anger then assume this was unintentional.
Of course it's reasonable to change those assumptions if the evidence points in another direction, but thinking the worse from the off just poisons our experiences. Unfortunately there are plenty of threads on here which go that way "
So in real life, face to face we can take an educated guess re intention by consciously/ unconsciously making a quick assessment of somebody's body language, facial expression, tone of voice etc... and by and large that works.
In the case of written text only, e.g. text messages, emails and even forum posts etc. we have to rely on reading just that, give or take a couple of emojis. We miss out on a lot of signals here, good and bad. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
There is a one word answer to offence I think - ‘intent’.
I find now that points are not made in a dispassionate way - points are often made aggressively to deter healthy debate and if you don’t agree with my point of view - you are in some way wrong or ill informed.
I see it on here more and more - you can disagree with someones point of view without them being a C&nt - which is increasingly the options - agree or be labelled. You can be passionate without being insulting or dismissive of someones opinion.
Be passionate, be opinionated but be open to other opinions - you can respectfully agree to have completely opposing opinions on things.
I think the point about “if you disagree with me then you are somehow wrong or ill informed” is increasingly coming from the fact that we are retreating into tribes which is creating group think. The tribe identity becomes more important than the thing that is being discussed and people are unable to have an opinion of their own if it disagrees with what the tribe says it should be."
That can be true.
But it's also perfectly possible for people to be either wrong or ill informed, or in fact both.
You just have to see the number of people that believe absolute batshit online theories and who argue against proven facts to recognise that.
Everyone is entitled to an opinion. But for example would you ever place value on an opinion such as that of Alex Jones regarding Sandy Hook? Or your average flat earther? Or someone spouting racist or homophobic crap on here?
Moral high ground does exist and tribe mentality can sometimes simply be the majority standing up for what is a commonly held principle, value or piece of evidence.
A |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"If I choose to interact with someone and they react disproportionately to my gesture then no, I'd wouldn't take responsibility for their response.
I'll always remember the story about the cashier who passed a smile along to all her customers in one day and the different effects it had on the people's moods. "
So true. There is a book by Daniel Coleman on Emotional intelligence and I think it is in the first chapter where he tells the story of a bus driver/ conductor who does just that. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"From experience there are some people who are professional victims who take offence at words or actions that appear inoffensive to everyone else.
I've seen it on here when people are offended on behalf of others or are in defence mode before a word is spoken or typed.
I've had messages from people crying their eyes out and directing me to a forum comment that wasn't even aimed at them. On the flip side I've seen those same people accept forum compliments that weren't aimed at them either.
Then again a word or action could get different reactions depending on where they originate. In those cases it's not what is said that determines the reaction but who says it.
I am triggered by hypocrites so that may be on me but I will justify my reaction by saying it's more often than not based on fact and personal engagement than hearsay. "
it's not what is said that determines the reaction but who says it. ... So true! Triggered by everything that person stands for at that moment in time. |
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"It’s hard to predict how someone will read and take your message. Some will deliberately go out of their way to find a negative edge to the written word, some misread what was intended and some get it straight away.
My advice is to just be yourself and try not to please everyone. You can see this trait on the forums and it comes across as extremely fake. Just be you and folk with the same energy as will gravitate in your direction.
No more sensible talk, would you like to see me knob OP?
Now I am mortally offended !!!
I am not referred to as sensible very often!
On top of all that, being offered the sight of a very nice know!!
Whatever next....
"
See you’ve proven my point and misread what I wrote, I’m the sensible one 
I’ve sent you a picture of my bollocks  |
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"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
There is a one word answer to offence I think - ‘intent’.
I find now that points are not made in a dispassionate way - points are often made aggressively to deter healthy debate and if you don’t agree with my point of view - you are in some way wrong or ill informed.
I see it on here more and more - you can disagree with someones point of view without them being a C&nt - which is increasingly the options - agree or be labelled. You can be passionate without being insulting or dismissive of someones opinion.
Be passionate, be opinionated but be open to other opinions - you can respectfully agree to have completely opposing opinions on things.
Agree. So how DO we know the intent - or is it wise to assume benevolence in the first place? I tend to do that but sometimes find myself corrected after a few exchanges"
Be open and if they prove to be unworthy of the respect you’ve given them then … ignore them - a mind is like a parachute - only really works when it’s open. Xx |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
There is a one word answer to offence I think - ‘intent’.
I find now that points are not made in a dispassionate way - points are often made aggressively to deter healthy debate and if you don’t agree with my point of view - you are in some way wrong or ill informed.
I see it on here more and more - you can disagree with someones point of view without them being a C&nt - which is increasingly the options - agree or be labelled. You can be passionate without being insulting or dismissive of someones opinion.
Be passionate, be opinionated but be open to other opinions - you can respectfully agree to have completely opposing opinions on things.
I think the point about “if you disagree with me then you are somehow wrong or ill informed” is increasingly coming from the fact that we are retreating into tribes which is creating group think. The tribe identity becomes more important than the thing that is being discussed and people are unable to have an opinion of their own if it disagrees with what the tribe says it should be.
That can be true.
But it's also perfectly possible for people to be either wrong or ill informed, or in fact both.
You just have to see the number of people that believe absolute batshit online theories and who argue against proven facts to recognise that.
Everyone is entitled to an opinion. But for example would you ever place value on an opinion such as that of Alex Jones regarding Sandy Hook? Or your average flat earther? Or someone spouting racist or homophobic crap on here?
Moral high ground does exist and tribe mentality can sometimes simply be the majority standing up for what is a commonly held principle, value or piece of evidence.
A"
Everyone is entitled to an opinion. But for example would you ever place value on an opinion such as that of Alex Jones regarding Sandy Hook? Or your average flat earther? Or someone spouting racist or homophobic crap on here?
Agreed - no, personally I would not but the kind of narrative often incites bigger ones (eg Trump)
Moral high ground does exist and tribe mentality can sometimes simply be the majority standing up for what is a commonly held principle, value or piece of evidence.
Absolutely agree with this. Sadly, sometimes even the sensible, decent majority is actually shouted down by said homophobes, racists etc.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"It’s hard to predict how someone will read and take your message. Some will deliberately go out of their way to find a negative edge to the written word, some misread what was intended and some get it straight away.
My advice is to just be yourself and try not to please everyone. You can see this trait on the forums and it comes across as extremely fake. Just be you and folk with the same energy as will gravitate in your direction.
No more sensible talk, would you like to see me knob OP?
Now I am mortally offended !!!
I am not referred to as sensible very often!
On top of all that, being offered the sight of a very nice know!!
Whatever next....
See you’ve proven my point and misread what I wrote, I’m the sensible one
I’ve sent you a picture of my bollocks "
OMG just realised that it auto-corrected from knob to know in my earlier response - |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I agree with what you say. We do not create that emotional response in others.
Is offence given or is it taken ?
It certainly requires a far more nuanced answer than yes or no.
If I pass an opinion and someone takes offence they need to take responsibility for how they feel and how they react. If they feel emotional , reactionary and defensive they need to think and connect with themselves before they attempt take the moral high ground, claim trauma and point fingers.
If I were to say something with the intention of offending, then I am responsible.
It's up to all to enter into unbiased dialogue and come to their own truths amicably ..... this current trend toward emotional oubursts without factual basis concerns me greatly.
There is a one word answer to offence I think - ‘intent’.
I find now that points are not made in a dispassionate way - points are often made aggressively to deter healthy debate and if you don’t agree with my point of view - you are in some way wrong or ill informed.
I see it on here more and more - you can disagree with someones point of view without them being a C&nt - which is increasingly the options - agree or be labelled. You can be passionate without being insulting or dismissive of someones opinion.
Be passionate, be opinionated but be open to other opinions - you can respectfully agree to have completely opposing opinions on things.
Agree. So how DO we know the intent - or is it wise to assume benevolence in the first place? I tend to do that but sometimes find myself corrected after a few exchanges
Be open and if they prove to be unworthy of the respect you’ve given them then … ignore them - a mind is like a parachute - only really works when it’s open. Xx"
Agree - benefit of doubt until proven wrong - tbh it is the only way to be I think. I do so at work for sure. |
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I'm proud of the fact I don't spout the mantra of the masses and actually have an opinion of my own which may or may not fit a particular narrative.
That doesn't mean I deliberately try to be confrontational just for the sake of it.
I always try to bring balance to any discussion which in itself can often offend people but the vast majority of what I say is grounded in experience rather than wild theories.
I do react differently to people who may share an opinion if one or more of those people have a history of being provocative or if I know from my engagement with them that they are playing people off against one another by being polar opposites in public and private.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
To a degree yes, you should have an idea of how your words actions might be perceived by the target audience and the impact , even if that’s to purposely get a reaction.
Isn’t that the purpose of communication - in all positive now forms, written, spoken, art , music, body language? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think all human interraction goes better if everyone starts on a good faith basis- assume good intentions and this if someone does offend or anger then assume this was unintentional.
Of course it's reasonable to change those assumptions if the evidence points in another direction, but thinking the worse from the off just poisons our experiences. Unfortunately there are plenty of threads on here which go that way
So in real life, face to face we can take an educated guess re intention by consciously/ unconsciously making a quick assessment of somebody's body language, facial expression, tone of voice etc... and by and large that works.
In the case of written text only, e.g. text messages, emails and even forum posts etc. we have to rely on reading just that, give or take a couple of emojis. We miss out on a lot of signals here, good and bad."
No, I wouldn't say take a quick guess ! We can easily misread intentions with a snap judgement, or someone might be on the defensive which carries a certain negative vibe. I would say think the best for as long as reasonably possible and even if someone's intentions are bad at first, a positive approach can often disarm them whereas a hostile reaction will always end badly. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Ps i didnt read the op it seemed for too clever brain boxy _eli type thread so just put what i guessed it might be about "
Ha, I like you Inevitable! Such a charmer. Being serious, I don't think these threads are solely the remit of the pretentious twonks amongst us, the OP is quite good at being inclusive and it's interesting to read different viewpoints, even if you don't need a wanksaurus to translate them.
I think I agree with Obi's comments, as long as comments aren't deliberately offensive/inflammatory/snide, the reaction does tend to be on the recipient rather than the giver.
On the whole I try and give benefit of the doubt when I read fora posts and assume that people are writing it while bored and smiling and on the toilet with no real malice meant. I don't have the energy or desire or even inclination to be offended or hurt by inane comments on here - for the most part people just want to use it to pass time. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Ps i didnt read the op it seemed for too clever brain boxy _eli type thread so just put what i guessed it might be about
Ha, I like you Inevitable! Such a charmer. Being serious, I don't think these threads are solely the remit of the pretentious twonks amongst us, the OP is quite good at being inclusive and it's interesting to read different viewpoints, even if you don't need a wanksaurus to translate them.
I think I agree with Obi's comments, as long as comments aren't deliberately offensive/inflammatory/snide, the reaction does tend to be on the recipient rather than the giver.
On the whole I try and give benefit of the doubt when I read fora posts and assume that people are writing it while bored and smiling and on the toilet with no real malice meant. I don't have the energy or desire or even inclination to be offended or hurt by inane comments on here - for the most part people just want to use it to pass time."
I agree wholeheartedly with your agreement.
On the subject of inane comments.....
Have you perved my moobs yet or what? 
A |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I think I agree with Obi's comments, as long as comments aren't deliberately offensive/inflammatory/snide, the reaction does tend to be on the recipient rather than the giver.
On the whole I try and give benefit of the doubt when I read fora posts and assume that people are writing it while bored and smiling and on the toilet with no real malice meant. I don't have the energy or desire or even inclination to be offended or hurt by inane comments on here - for the most part people just want to use it to pass time.
I agree wholeheartedly with your agreement.
On the subject of inane comments.....
Have you perved my moobs yet or what?
A"
Well... if I say I have it means I won't get to entertain delightful images of you pity wanking, bereft at my lack of perving.
So I'm going to say no. Feel free to tell me about any subsequent wanks you have. |
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"I'm proud of the fact I don't spout the mantra of the masses and actually have an opinion of my own which may or may not fit a particular narrative.
That doesn't mean I deliberately try to be confrontational just for the sake of it.
I always try to bring balance to any discussion which in itself can often offend people but the vast majority of what I say is grounded in experience rather than wild theories.
I do react differently to people who may share an opinion if one or more of those people have a history of being provocative or if I know from my engagement with them that they are playing people off against one another by being polar opposites in public and private.
"
Doesn’t everyone _believe_ that they are rational and not susceptible to the “mantra of the masses”?
I don’t think there is a single person on the planet who would describe themselves any differently to how you have described yourself. I feel you have outlined the human condition. |
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