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Would you split the bill on a first meet/date??
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Of course however it can sometimes be a little bit awkward when the other person insists on paying. "
Sorry pressed send to soon (thumb slip) 
In the past I've had the person say I've paid the bill but you can pay next time and I find that uncomfortable as it feels like somehow now they think I'm obligated to see them again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dodgy question tbh as if the bill is paid by the guy in full the guy or the lady might..might think that because they paid in full that they might expect more ,but lm easy anyway if the lady insists ongoing halves ,no problem and if a lady has given me her time to meet l would of course offer to pick up the whole bill also without any hidden agenda , so either or..  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I split the bill when I first meet someone off here. The same as if we meet again and go to a hotel I pay my half.The only time it doesn't happen is when I meet someone regularly and we tend to take turns paying. But I never expect nor want a guy to have to pay the bill when we first meet. I think the idea is pretty outdated. Plus it's not a date anyhow it's a chat to see if we get on in person and want to have sex on a first meet for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always try to pay for what I've had.
I don't drink so I'm not paying for anyone else's booze at a meal "
Oh god I hate that! I go out with the girls from work and I never really drink, especially if driving and I hate it when they say "we will just split it". How about no, you and your mate sank 2 bottles of wine at £24 each, meanwhile I spent £5 on my drinks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If its my idea then I pay, if its his then he pays. I cannot be doing with fumbling at a table splitting up a bill it's embarrassing. If you invite someone out then it's your treat and vice versa, I am the same with friends. If there's no second date/meet well that's just how the cookie crumbles. Would always have the conversation prior to going out. |
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Company Dutch. That was my line when dating just a few years ago:
“The meal and drinks are on my company credit card, the rest of the night is on you”. It got a few laughs.
You quickly learn with internet dating ( is there any other type these days?) for the first meeting to be a coffee date as you don’t want to waste an evening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I usually pay. Same goes for hotels. And if I'm invited to someone's house I usually bring a bottle.
However, I have not had they same treatment when I've hosted. Maybe it's just an age thing.
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"I usually pay. Same goes for hotels. And if I'm invited to someone's house I usually bring a bottle.
However, I have not had they same treatment when I've hosted. Maybe it's just an age thing.
"
I would always bring a bottle as a guest. I just find it good manners |
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It's funny, my attitude to this has changed. I used to take the old-fashioned view that the 'gentleman should pay', and I would take it as a sign that she didn't like me if she insisted on paying half (reasoning that she did NOT wish to be "obligated" to me). Now, however, I've got with the times and whilst I will always politely offer to pay, I no longer read anything in to whether or not she lets me. Tbh I like when she pays her way - I'm not actually a wealthy man!  |
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"It's funny, my attitude to this has changed. I used to take the old-fashioned view that the 'gentleman should pay', and I would take it as a sign that she didn't like me if she insisted on paying half (reasoning that she did NOT wish to be "obligated" to me). Now, however, I've got with the times and whilst I will always politely offer to pay, I no longer read anything in to whether or not she lets me. Tbh I like when she pays her way - I'm not actually a wealthy man! "
My attitude has also changed. I am more than happy to pay but I won’t read anything negative into her wanting to pay either. |
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"I usually pay. Same goes for hotels. And if I'm invited to someone's house I usually bring a bottle.
However, I have not had they same treatment when I've hosted. Maybe it's just an age thing.
"
Shame I’m above your age range. I’d be happy to go Dutch x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope. Maybe rules are different on a sex site but in general when dating. The person that suggested the date should pay and as a woman, I don’t feel obliged to be sexual or see you again just because you paid.
Equally if I asked you out on the date, I would arrange and pay for everything. |
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Absolutely. Who would really expect someone else to pay the full bill, that's just bad mannered.
Mr did end up paying the bill on our 2nd date but not without a lot of resisting from me. I repaid him well when I took him back to my house  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I’d insist on paying however I wouldn’t want to cause offence, if we’ve enjoyed each other’s company it’s a great way to get in the conversation about having another meal together and maybe they pay next time ? |
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No - I would demand the woman pay as she got the benefit of my dazzling company and I would hate for her to feel like a freeloader getting sparkling wit, charm and wank bank material from meeting me - as well as a free meal!! |
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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
"If its my idea then I pay, if its his then he pays. I cannot be doing with fumbling at a table splitting up a bill it's embarrassing. If you invite someone out then it's your treat and vice versa, I am the same with friends. If there's no second date/meet well that's just how the cookie crumbles. Would always have the conversation prior to going out. "
Exactly this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always offered but usually ended up taking turns which allowed for a split, not always even though. Let's say you get the lunch, I'll get coffee and cakes after or tickets to an attraction we want to visit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always insist on paying. I know it's an old world thing and I should be more comfortable with splitting it but for some reason, I'd just feel bad for it. |
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"I always insist on paying. I know it's an old world thing and I should be more comfortable with splitting it but for some reason, I'd just feel bad for it."
Some people will think that is lovely and i'm sure you do too.
You wouldn't pay for me if i'd decided i would pay for myself. Insisting is futile  |
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"I always insist on paying. I know it's an old world thing and I should be more comfortable with splitting it but for some reason, I'd just feel bad for it.
Some people will think that is lovely and i'm sure you do too.
You wouldn't pay for me if i'd decided i would pay for myself. Insisting is futile "
Just so you know when we meet i’ll be having a coffee and a raspberry & white chocolate muffin - probably a big biscuit thing too.. so get saving!!  |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
I'd never go to eat with someone I was meeting for the first time. I'd expect to take turns buying a round of drinks. If they expected me to pay its unlikely I'd see them a second time |
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"I always insist on paying. I know it's an old world thing and I should be more comfortable with splitting it but for some reason, I'd just feel bad for it.
Some people will think that is lovely and i'm sure you do too.
You wouldn't pay for me if i'd decided i would pay for myself. Insisting is futile
Just so you know when we meet i’ll be having a coffee and a raspberry & white chocolate muffin - probably a big biscuit thing too.. so get saving!! "
Todger you can have precisely what your heart desires.... and more.
I'll be going out the lavvy window. |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"I'd never go to eat with someone I was meeting for the first time. I'd expect to take turns buying a round of drinks. If they expected me to pay its unlikely I'd see them a second time
Wise. "
Widser than you could ever know!
You know how I type and it's all over the place? I'm a but like thst with cutlery, no one needs to be subjected to that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Of course however it can sometimes be a little bit awkward when the other person insists on paying.
Sorry pressed send to soon (thumb slip)
In the past I've had the person say I've paid the bill but you can pay next time and I find that uncomfortable as it feels like somehow now they think I'm obligated to see them again. "
Exactly, it's awkward af and can lead to very very sour grapes. I'd turn down a repeat based on this alone as it smacks of manipulation.
In picking a place to meet I'd want somewhere you order and pay at the counter so I can avoid a 'bill' situation. |
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"I'd never go to eat with someone I was meeting for the first time. I'd expect to take turns buying a round of drinks. If they expected me to pay its unlikely I'd see them a second time
Wise.
Widser than you could ever know!
You know how I type and it's all over the place? I'm a but like thst with cutlery, no one needs to be subjected to that "
Don't get the spaghetti .... |
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We recently stayed in an hotel. The booking was in my name, the credit card was in my name, the receptionist gave the receipt to Mr N. While away we met some friends for dinner, we were the older couple by some years. The younger woman asked for the bill which was put in front of Mr N.
Even the hospitality industry expects the man to pay in most situations |
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"No she can pay for it all
She was lucky enough to get a date with me in the first place so it's only fitting she coughs up the entirety of the bill
And my taxi home"
That's fair and I'll probably have to follow you back home in a different taxi, obviously paid by me, to hand out a shag.
I'd be worried to refuse as this would only give more proof that us ladies become hysterical for no apparent reason.
Are we talking about FAB meets or just general out and about as in reality I've never seen it as an issue, one of us will pick up the bill, no firm and fixed rules.
Often wondered why Paul always nips to loo at end of meal, I'll be checking in future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, I would split happily and that's always my intention. I don't ever expect anyone to pay the bill for me. But if he was insistent on paying I would let him. |
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"How much is a packet of digestives these days?
Fortnums or Aldi?
Quicksave, own brand.
Kwik Save.......??? not seen one for years"
Are they no longer about, you’ll have to excuse me Granny, I’m a bit out of touch, the domestic staff do the grocery shopping these days. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Yes, or pay for it.
If he's asked to take me to somewhere in particular he might want to pay though.
In which case I'd take him somewhere next time.
Some men like an argument over me paying and I hate public confrontations so I let him pay then tell him I'm paying next time. I'd slip him the cash if he felt embarrassed with me taking the bill at the table.
In some places you can use the app and pay. That way no one knows he's my bitch |
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"Yes, or pay for it.
If he's asked to take me to somewhere in particular he might want to pay though.
In which case I'd take him somewhere next time.
Some men like an argument over me paying and I hate public confrontations so I let him pay then tell him I'm paying next time. I'd slip him the cash if he felt embarrassed with me taking the bill at the table.
In some places you can use the app and pay. That way no one knows he's my bitch "
There's no shame in letting someone pay if they offer and that goes both ways, I would gladly be your "bitch" as long as everyone was happy. |
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"I insist on splitting the bill and equalling splitting it not counting down to the last penny you spend like I've know some people to do! So yeah 50/50 definitely "
I've gone off bill splitting since we have a friend who eats of the expensive menu and always has pud and another that has a glass of wine or two .....
I am paying my own bill next time to have just what I ordered and ate on my own bill.
I know it seems tight and if it were only once it would be. However it's every month now ..... |
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If I invite someone on a date or anything else at my invitation then I would expect to pay.
If the outing is jointly arranged then splitting the bill is acceptable.
But to go back to the OP question a first date is likely to be by my invitation so I would expect to pay. |
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"Yes, or pay for it.
If he's asked to take me to somewhere in particular he might want to pay though.
In which case I'd take him somewhere next time.
Some men like an argument over me paying and I hate public confrontations so I let him pay then tell him I'm paying next time. I'd slip him the cash if he felt embarrassed with me taking the bill at the table.
In some places you can use the app and pay. That way no one knows he's my bitch
There's no shame in letting someone pay if they offer and that goes both ways, I would gladly be your "bitch" as long as everyone was happy."
oops .....
so the gent pays and the one who doesn't pay is the bitch of the other ....... oh dear the truth does out in mysterious ways |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would offer/attempt to pay, but immediately go halves without skipping a beat if there was any objection or discomfort suggested by the other person.. I don't think there's wrong with a little bit of chivalry, nor do I think equality means being quite so literal about things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If its my idea then I pay, if its his then he pays. I cannot be doing with fumbling at a table splitting up a bill it's embarrassing. If you invite someone out then it's your treat and vice versa, I am the same with friends. If there's no second date/meet well that's just how the cookie crumbles. Would always have the conversation prior to going out. "
THIS! |
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It's very interesting to me that people will say 'call me old fashioned' or 'he insists so I let him.' .....
What is the basis of both those statements ..... what does being 'old fashioned' mean ?
Do women who say oh okay when a man insists ...... only cave in when he's paying for something or do you cave at all his insistences...
I'm genuinely interested ....
( p.s. I love a freebie as much as the next person and there's no moral judgement being made )
I'm just interested in the reasons behind the thoughts n actions ? |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I would really always insist on paying my share - after all we live in an era of equality.
If I really liked the person and they were insisting on paying, I would possibly agree but only if I could pay on the second date.
It is how I was brought up and it still kind of sits right with me. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I’d normally excuse myself for the toilet and pay the bill en route so there can be no arguments over the bill. "
a very elegant way... and despite my more feminist thinking, I think this is cute. |
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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago
Boo's World |
"Yes , and on any other meal fab or non fab I'd always offer too.
Do you fancy a spit roast, sorry split roast this weekend ? "
My eyes still haven't recovered from watching your Dad dancing last weekend Blooms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes , and on any other meal fab or non fab I'd always offer too.
Do you fancy a spit roast, sorry split roast this weekend ?
My eyes still haven't recovered from watching your Dad dancing last weekend Blooms "
Harsh but fair  |
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I don't expect anyone to pay for me, if I can't afford to pay I won't go out 
The last time I met someone I picked them up and drove, they paid for food, we have met since, they accommodate and I bring the food and we take it in turns to choose the film  |
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"??"
yes.
What I won't do is fight a man for a bill because I realise that some men's egos demand that they pay as the man.
My ego is like whatever is easiest that doesn't harm me.
I've had men on Fab just want me to come around for sex and when I mention a social meet at a restaurant, they automatically assume that I want them to pay for everything.
Mate if you had a conversation with me, you would know we could go to Nandos for all I care and I will order and pay for my things at the till.
I only had one guy suggest we go cycling instead as we both have bicycles and live near a popular cycling park.
The rest are like come to my home and let me do whatever I want. F off for real.
Men, Please definitely consider women's safety and comfort. |
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"Company Dutch. That was my line when dating just a few years ago:
“The meal and drinks are on my company credit card, the rest of the night is on you”. It got a few laughs.
You quickly learn with internet dating ( is there any other type these days?) for the first meeting to be a coffee date as you don’t want to waste an evening. "
I find coffee dates so incredibly boring! like literally 30 minutes, one coffee and now I want to go home. Lol! I can't even think of a coffee date that I've had that went well!
I've had a better date at the Victoria and Albert Museum than coffee dates!
Don't say only men who do coffee dates are boring. Lol! |
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I would usually expect to pay: one of the few ways in which I am old-fashioned. For me, it's part of the pleasure of a date, though I'd never insist.
BUT this thread has reminded me that a woman might think that I'd assume paying would confer some kind of entitlement, or assumptions. It doesn't matter that that wouldn't be true. She wouldn't drfinitely know that, and it might make her uncomfortable.
The fact that I know I never would is irrelevant. The possibility would be there, and that might shadow the whole meeting.
Oh, it's complicated. I try to do the right thing. I always cross the road if I'm walking behind a single woman, especially at night. Now I'm rethinking whether what I thought was generosity might come across as a tie, or a commitment, or...
Damn it. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"It's very interesting to me that people will say 'call me old fashioned' or 'he insists so I let him.' .....
What is the basis of both those statements ..... what does being 'old fashioned' mean ?
Do women who say oh okay when a man insists ...... only cave in when he's paying for something or do you cave at all his insistences...
I'm genuinely interested ....
( p.s. I love a freebie as much as the next person and there's no moral judgement being made )
I'm just interested in the reasons behind the thoughts n actions ?"
If a man won't accept that I am willing to split a bill or pay I'll give in easy. It's not the end of the world, and I'm not having an argument with someone over the price of fish and chips and a JD and cola.
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I would usually expect to pay: one of the few ways in which I am old-fashioned. For me, it's part of the pleasure of a date, though I'd never insist.
BUT this thread has reminded me that a woman might think that I'd assume paying would confer some kind of entitlement, or assumptions. It doesn't matter that that wouldn't be true. She wouldn't drfinitely know that, and it might make her uncomfortable.
The fact that I know I never would is irrelevant. The possibility would be there, and that might shadow the whole meeting.
Oh, it's complicated. I try to do the right thing. I always cross the road if I'm walking behind a single woman, especially at night. Now I'm rethinking whether what I thought was generosity might come across as a tie, or a commitment, or...
Damn it."
I have had that. He insisted on paying then told me he had booked a room in a hotel miles away; assuming dinner meant dinner and sex.
Lucky for him I wanted sex, but it was supposed to be just a social.
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"
I have had that. He insisted on paying then told me he had booked a room in a hotel miles away; assuming dinner meant dinner and sex.
Lucky for him I wanted sex, but it was supposed to be just a social.
"
That's awful. I'm so far the other way. I joked with someone on here that unless a woman lies back, naked, legs open, on her bed, holding a neon sign saying "Fuck me now!", I won't spot the signals.
I wasn't really joking. |
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