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whats your best joke !!!!
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By *omnlynneCouple
over a year ago
milton keynes |
I went up to this sexy Milf in the Night Club and as brazen as you like I said, "I bet you know what to do with a cock."
She said, "I sure do honey, up until last March I used to have one."
I declined a drink but we shook hands then I went home. |
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A lesbian goes into a bar in Arizona she sees this old guy sat at a table with cowboy boots on ten gallon hat chaps the whole enchalada...... She sits beside him and says "so are you a true cowboy?"
He says yup and so was my daddy and my grand daddy miss
Im a lesbian she says
What makes you a lesbian?
Well I wake up thinking about women,women turn me on so much and I love getting between a womans legs and pleasuring her for hours with my tongue fingers and toyz
Another woman sat at the table and said to the old cowboy "are you a true cowboy?"
I thort I was but Ive just found out Im a lesbian   |
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A man and women who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train . After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep , the woman on the top bunk , the man on lower .in the middle of the night the woman leans over ,wakes the man and says "I'm sorry to bother you ,but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket ".the man leans out and , with a glint in his eye , says I've a better idea .....just for tonight , let's pretend were married "the woman thinks for a moment ,"why not " she giggles ." Great he replies , get your own damn blanket !!!"  |
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Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called 'rodeo'.
His friend said, "No what is it?"
"Well, you mount your wife from the back, reach around her and cup her breasts with both hands. Then you say, 'Boy these are almost as nice as your sister's.
Then see if you can hang on for eight seconds."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called 'rodeo'.
His friend said, "No what is it?"
"Well, you mount your wife from the back, reach around her and cup her breasts with both hands. Then you say, 'Boy these are almost as nice as your sister's.
Then see if you can hang on for eight seconds."
"
love this one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An elderly couple were taking a stroll one night when they past by an old shed with fencing around it. "Remember when we used to come here and go behind the shed for some naughty fun when we were younger" says the old lady. Feeling excited at the thought the old man replied " I most certainly do, in fact why don't we for old times sake" feeling excited herself she took him by the hand and they went around the back of the shed.
After half an hour of hot steamy action they both collapsed to the floor. Panting and gaining her breath the old lady said "wow, you were never like that 40 years ago"
The old man gaspily replied " 40 years ago.....that fucking fence wasn't electrified" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just got told this and thought id share.
My mate shagged a girl with OCD last night & she told him she was obsessed with doing everything alphabetically! So first he said they did Anal, then she gave him a Blowjob then he played with her Clit, then he took her Deep. . then he got up and got dressed, she shouted "Oi wot about E?" He said, "I've done E love - Ejaculated, and now I'm doing F G & H! Fucking Going Home!! |
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Bear walks in to a bar and says to the barman ..... Can i have a .............................................................................................................................................pint please.... Barman says.. Sure, But why the big pause.....the bear looks at him, Raises his arms and says........ COS IM A BEAR......
I thank you
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man escapes from prison where he
has been for 15 years. He breaks into a
house to look for money and guns and
finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties
him to a chair, while tying the girl to
the bed he gets on top of her, kisses
her neck, then gets up and goes into
the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells
his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict,
look at his clothes! He probably spent
lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a
woman in years. I saw how he kissed
your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist,
don't complain, do whatever he tells
you. Satisfy him no matter how much
he nauseates you. This guy is probably
very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll
kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't
kissing my neck. He was whispering in
my ear. He told me he was gay,
thought you were cute, and asked me
if
we had any Vaseline. I told him it was
in the bathroom. |
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