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Heart stopping
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Met someone from here a long while back (years!), caught feelings (yes, I know. Ill advised). We tried to have a relationship, but he couldn’t, and as stupid as I am, I kept it going, because being with him felt amazing. Eventually I asked him to stop contacting me, as hard as it was.
Just saw his profile on here. He’s recently rejoined, and he has a verification. She’s a redhead 
My heart stopped for a moment, he still has an effect on me. Ffs, when am I going to move on, it’s been months. She says, wiping a tear away.
(It’s ok, he won’t read this.) |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
That happened to me too.. it is horrible, I literally went to throw up the moment I saw the verification! haha.
For now, block him so you’re not tempted to look at his profile. Block him for as long as it takes. It is very difficult, but it will get better, I promise. Big hug and a lovely hot drink of your choice coming your way…  |
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"Met someone from here a long while back (years!), caught feelings (yes, I know. Ill advised). We tried to have a relationship, but he couldn’t, and as stupid as I am, I kept it going, because being with him felt amazing. Eventually I asked him to stop contacting me, as hard as it was.
Just saw his profile on here. He’s recently rejoined, and he has a verification. She’s a redhead
My heart stopped for a moment, he still has an effect on me. Ffs, when am I going to move on, it’s been months. She says, wiping a tear away.
(It’s ok, he won’t read this.)"
I’m sorry op. I’ve been there and done that.
He still tries to get in touch when he’s single again (and once not) blocked on absolutely everything but then sends a message from a different number  and thinks that after using me I’ll just jump back into things. Nope.
Big love to you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a believer in feeling all the feelings since they reflect the good as much as the bad that you had with a person.
Be sure to let the good memories through but always keep them alongside the bad/reasons you split/etc. to not start building castles in your head.
On balance they will even out and you should be able to make peace with it all and wish him well with whoever.
It's never going to go away, the want, the instinctive reaction. Your body remembers only the pleasure, your head and heart remember the rest. But you know that.
Good luck  |
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"Met someone from here a long while back (years!), caught feelings (yes, I know. Ill advised). We tried to have a relationship, but he couldn’t, and as stupid as I am, I kept it going, because being with him felt amazing. Eventually I asked him to stop contacting me, as hard as it was.
Just saw his profile on here. He’s recently rejoined, and he has a verification. She’s a redhead
My heart stopped for a moment, he still has an effect on me. Ffs, when am I going to move on, it’s been months. She says, wiping a tear away.
(It’s ok, he won’t read this.)"
look on the bright side ...at least you didn't put him off red heads |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ughhh. I so wish I wasn’t such an emotional person.
Thank you beautiful people, I needed a virtual ‘there, there, it’ll be ok’.
And you’re so right about the blocking, that’s done now.
Right, stop ruminating, Red, get on with Tuesday. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a believer in feeling all the feelings since they reflect the good as much as the bad that you had with a person.
Be sure to let the good memories through but always keep them alongside the bad/reasons you split/etc. to not start building castles in your head.
On balance they will even out and you should be able to make peace with it all and wish him well with whoever.
It's never going to go away, the want, the instinctive reaction. Your body remembers only the pleasure, your head and heart remember the rest. But you know that.
Good luck "
I love the way your mind works x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ughhh. I so wish I wasn’t such an emotional person.
Thank you beautiful people, I needed a virtual ‘there, there, it’ll be ok’.
And you’re so right about the blocking, that’s done now.
Right, stop ruminating, Red, get on with Tuesday."
Nothing wrong with being emotional. The opposite would be wrong and can lead to dahmer stuffs  |
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"Met someone from here a long while back (years!), caught feelings (yes, I know. Ill advised). We tried to have a relationship, but he couldn’t, and as stupid as I am, I kept it going, because being with him felt amazing. Eventually I asked him to stop contacting me, as hard as it was.
Just saw his profile on here. He’s recently rejoined, and he has a verification. She’s a redhead
My heart stopped for a moment, he still has an effect on me. Ffs, when am I going to move on, it’s been months. She says, wiping a tear away.
(It’s ok, he won’t read this.)"
awww hey many are here to find relationships so my heart goes out to you to. |
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"It's never going to go away, the want, the instinctive reaction. Your body remembers only the pleasure, your head and heart remember the rest. But you know that."
That is such a good way to think about it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We can’t help how we feel OP as much as we can try keep them suppressed given the nature of this site.
I’ve been there. It took time. He actually rejoined and started meeting long before I knew because he had blocked me on his return. I just see his name leaving other people veris. It’s shit. But time is a great healer  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ughhh. I so wish I wasn’t such an emotional person.
Thank you beautiful people, I needed a virtual ‘there, there, it’ll be ok’.
And you’re so right about the blocking, that’s done now.
Right, stop ruminating, Red, get on with Tuesday."
It’s totally ok to feel the emotions, and to cry/rant/rage, whatever helps.
It’s a normal reaction to someone you had strong feelings for.
Have you thought about journaling? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a believer in feeling all the feelings since they reflect the good as much as the bad that you had with a person.
Be sure to let the good memories through but always keep them alongside the bad/reasons you split/etc. to not start building castles in your head.
On balance they will even out and you should be able to make peace with it all and wish him well with whoever.
It's never going to go away, the want, the instinctive reaction. Your body remembers only the pleasure, your head and heart remember the rest. But you know that.
Good luck
I love the way your mind works x"
Why that's really kind of you to say. It's been a long hard road to get this perspective on life.
Be careful with yourself and enjoy the good bits, they're always worth remembering and valuing so long as you can box them up again after x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My heart goes out to you but as said above time is a great healer, it's so cliché but it is true. Fab is full of opportunities and eligible men worthy of your time and attention
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Hi OP. Hope you're ok. You can't help feelings, they are normal and totally understandable. Please don't beat yourself up for feeling emotional and allow yourself to feel them, dream, cry, rant or do whatever you need to.
Then go out and do something you enjoy and make plenty of plans ahead so you have lots to look forward to.
Ruby |
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"Hi OP. Hope you're ok. You can't help feelings, they are normal and totally understandable. Please don't beat yourself up for feeling emotional and allow yourself to feel them, dream, cry, rant or do whatever you need to.
Then go out and do something you enjoy and make plenty of plans ahead so you have lots to look forward to.
Ruby "
Scream (not dream ) though day dreaming good thoughts may also help  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Hey Red
Nah, catching feelings isn't ill advised. You're human. When someone makes you feel so good, that hold on you doesn't disappear overnight. Even little things can remind you and cause that heart sinking feeling. And do you know? That's okay. Normal.
Moving on doesn't have a timescale. Give yourself time and space to feel it all. And then start putting that energy on to other things that light up your soul. You'll get to a point where even if you don't feel compersion, you won't have a negative response and can look back at what you shared as fond memories. |
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Your gorgeous, and it's his loss. In saying that.. It may hurt right now, but at others have said, time will heal.. Maybe not completely, but, you will have memories etc. Never loose yourself because of another person.
Smile, block and take another step forward. |
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"Ughhh. I so wish I wasn’t such an emotional person.
Thank you beautiful people, I needed a virtual ‘there, there, it’ll be ok’.
And you’re so right about the blocking, that’s done now.
Right, stop ruminating, Red, get on with Tuesday."
Onward and upward xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally understandable feelings. It's never easy to see others "move on". But who knows what a Veri means.... It could be anything from a quickie he regrets (but verís matter here!) to anything else. I say that only because it's easy to read one absolute version of the truth.
Offering more than just acknowledgement of feelings (which are yours and totally valid), I'd suggest you have a think about how you will manage any reactions.
I'd block. And then go meditate on what I really felt and why ...
*Hugs*  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't focus on the fact she also has red hair. It's doubtful you were the first red haired person he fancied or met with, and this one will doubtlessly not be the last. If he has a type, he has a type. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't focus on the fact she also has red hair."
Thank you, but it’s really not the focus of my thoughts at all, it was an added detail. To exemplify my feelings of being replaced, I suppose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Blocking is definitely the best thing to do. And time truly is a wonderful thing. One day it won't hurt as much, even if you do wish things could have been different between you both. Sending virtual hugs. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I can't advise anyone who becomes attached to people they're supposed to be just having sex with.
I don't seem capable of attachment. I can have deep feelings and feel sad when I lose a lover, but I get over them quickly.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's shit isn't it, when the claws were that deep and removing them was a total shit show of hurt and prolonged tenderness.
And just when you think you've healed, moved on, made real tangible progress, your stupid fleshy thinking blancmange decides to cause untold upset and all the sads.
However, that's the price of entry sometimes. We can't isolate the good entirely from the bad, and sometimes the intense highs are met with the crushing lows. It sucks, but, you'll get through it, because that's all you can do day by day.
Which is why ladies, I'm a good shout. I'm middling, at best. I won't make you super happy, and truth be told when I'm gone, you might feel mild relief.
Turning that frown upside down and into lemonade. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And just when you think you've healed, moved on, made real tangible progress, your stupid fleshy thinking blancmange decides to cause untold upset and all the sads "
You paint quite the picture with those words
Really nice Segway into the benefits of you, by the way, too. Anyone would think you were in Sales  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't focus on the fact she also has red hair.
Thank you, but it’s really not the focus of my thoughts at all, it was an added detail. To exemplify my feelings of being replaced, I suppose."
I don't know if it means anything, but whilst he might find another someone, he'll never find another you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And just when you think you've healed, moved on, made real tangible progress, your stupid fleshy thinking blancmange decides to cause untold upset and all the sads
You paint quite the picture with those words
Really nice Segway into the benefits of you, by the way, too. Anyone would think you were in Sales "
If you read it with the "New from JML..." voice it'll become even better.
"It slices, it dices, just look at those prices..."
Anyway RIP your inbox, everyone and their mate Kevin will be trying to help you get over it now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ahh i would feel just the same xx
Blocking is a good first step... Dancing to rock music at full blast in your pants with alcohol will help for an evening  |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
For me it takes ages unfortunately. After split up with my wife had feeling for her for over a year and was like on roller coaster. Got accidentally attached again and that helped to ease for ex wife. Unfortunately it did not work out either, few months after (4 months to be precise) it still there. Arggggg. I wish there was a pill to kill the bug of love in my heart. Life would have been much easier |
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The gentlefolk on here are right; the prevailing advice is to withdraw and go 'cold turkey', such as blocking. Of course it's not easy because of the insurmountable draw towards the other person. It's a perfectly natural and instinctive trait - the 'by product' of happy memories and sensations when things were in bloom.
You will revert to your usual harmony soon enough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can't handle the emotional side of swinging/fab/fwb, whatever, is it really for you?"
did they say they couldn't handle it ? Or just they had a reaction to it, and wanted their feelings heard ?
I read it more as the latter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And yeah I still hate seeing him on here! I almost stopped using the forums because of it!
Good to hear you didn’t. That must be tough x"
It gets easier! bothers me a lot less now. |
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I have developed my own real feeling for my couple, it's a bit more tricky when there's 2 of them but they are both amazing. Not sure if I could cope if I lost them both. Not many people I can ask for advice either. |
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