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A question for Submissives
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"Someone who is able to bring their real personality out in their domination, and not just by the book. Someone who trusts themselves to push me, because I'll only ever engage in bdsm with people I trust alot. - L." Brilliant comment x totally agree with you x  | |||
"What do you want from a Dom/Domme" To please him and be the one that stirs up so much lust in him that he just HAS to have me | |||
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"What do you want from a Dom/Domme" Is there context to the question? Are you looking to meet with submissives or dominants? | |||
"All the above, plus I want them to make me feel like I'm just being used for their pleasure. But safe in the knowledge that they have my welfare in the front of their minds"  | |||
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"They also need to be able to handle a brat that will have them wrapped around their little finger. " I love this 
So true!! | |||
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"They also need to be able to handle a brat that will have them wrapped around their little finger. I love this
So true!! "that is definitely a challenge, but forewarned is forearmed, although it can be easy to let your guard slip from time to time | |||
"Such a complex question. Besides other things, I’d say to get to know me well enough to allow me to be in contact with my primal instincts. There’s nothing more satisfying than the feeling when your body is allowed to reveal itself to the mind. Nothing to do with being controlled, quite the opposite, actually. " Wonderfully put. L has tried to describe what I very much assume is this to me. She's said it's about me giving her permission more than it is the control. | |||
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"They also need to be able to handle a brat that will have them wrapped around their little finger. I love this
So true!! "I missed this. Love it  | |||
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"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. " because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. " Submissives, especially brats need lots of attention (emotional, physical, intellectual) and can be impatient for it. Choosing to give that isn’t being wrapped around their finger, quite the opposite | |||
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"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. Submissives, especially brats need lots of attention (emotional, physical, intellectual) and can be impatient for it. Choosing to give that isn’t being wrapped around their finger, quite the opposite " This. There is a fine line between being topped from the bottom and allowing them to think they have you wrapped around their finger. Saying yes to something you both like isn’t bad. Saying No, just to say no, benefits no one. | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent " Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. Submissives, especially brats need lots of attention (emotional, physical, intellectual) and can be impatient for it. Choosing to give that isn’t being wrapped around their finger, quite the opposite This. There is a fine line between being topped from the bottom and allowing them to think they have you wrapped around their finger. Saying yes to something you both like isn’t bad. Saying No, just to say no, benefits no one. " I was going on the statement as was ... they were wrapped. Now if we're saying the Dom is just pretending the submissive has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then I can see this as part of the overall play. C. | |||
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"Personally I don't do the brat thing and I have no time for them. If a submissive describes themselves as a "brat" we have nothing common and there is no point us talking. I leave "brats" to "brat wranglers" who know how and like to deal with them. Just think of the complaints of not being "real doms" if Dom/mmes called themselves brats and expected to be treated as doms "I was just saying that it would be handy if you dropped in with your insight. Your ears must have been burning! 
C. | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent " Can I ask what you mean by false sense of security exactly? T | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. " the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. Submissives, especially brats need lots of attention (emotional, physical, intellectual) and can be impatient for it. Choosing to give that isn’t being wrapped around their finger, quite the opposite " True about attention but I will also withhold my need for it if it suits me. I haven't met anyone I couldn't read and know all their pressure points. If I'm tied up in rope knots but I know I can easily tie that person up in mental knots it's impossible for me to ever submit to them. I really don't think I will ever meet someone who is mentally equipped to dom/domme me mentally and physically. Which is a shame. | |||
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" the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you " Any one in a power exchange dynamic can withold or claim back their power, not just the submissive role. Both have to work to keep the other happy, just like any relationship. If one party is getting all the fun whats in it for the other? This is where comments like “the sub has all the power” irks me. I choose who I want to top and when, just as much as they choose who to bottom to and when. The sub’s limits will determine what is done to them, just as much as the Doms limits - which includes their capability and ability to do a thing. | |||
" the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Any one in a power exchange dynamic can withold or claim back their power, not just the submissive role. Both have to work to keep the other happy, just like any relationship. If one party is getting all the fun whats in it for the other? This is where comments like “the sub has all the power” irks me. I choose who I want to top and when, just as much as they choose who to bottom to and when. The sub’s limits will determine what is done to them, just as much as the Doms limits - which includes their capability and ability to do a thing. "
T | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you " The power, in my opinion, is shared. Equal responsibility to make things work. To hold and be held. To talk and to be listened to. This works both ways. Being a dominant does not make you always the strong one or need you to be. Part of my submissive side is caring for my dominant Equally as a counter to your point a dominant can withdraw their dominance at any time The submissive has to earn the dominants trust. People often talk of bad dominants but there are as many bad submissives | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you The power, in my opinion, is shared. Equal responsibility to make things work. To hold and be held. To talk and to be listened to. This works both ways. Being a dominant does not make you always the strong one or need you to be. Part of my submissive side is caring for my dominant Equally as a counter to your point a dominant can withdraw their dominance at any time The submissive has to earn the dominants trust. People often talk of bad dominants but there are as many bad submissives " true | |||
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"This topic interests me so much. Is a Dom/Domme the same as a Master/Mistress or is that a different dynamic? I have a submissive side I would like to explore however I'm pretty certain I don't want a Master, I don't want to be owned." D/s is power exchange M/s is TPE or usually 24*7 power exchange. It is certainly not an “in the bedroom only” dynamic. They have similarities in that they have a top and bottom role. Some activities can be the same. A Master needs a sl ave or is an honourific awarded to a male in the scene by their peers - especially the leather scene Mistress is an honorific given regardless of if they have a sl ave or not. A sl ave is not an experienced or promoted submissive | |||
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"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you " Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. | |||
" the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Any one in a power exchange dynamic can withold or claim back their power, not just the submissive role. Both have to work to keep the other happy, just like any relationship. If one party is getting all the fun whats in it for the other? This is where comments like “the sub has all the power” irks me. I choose who I want to top and when, just as much as they choose who to bottom to and when. The sub’s limits will determine what is done to them, just as much as the Doms limits - which includes their capability and ability to do a thing. " Spot on
Dom's can take time out for various reasons health issues example. They may get Dom drop and need time to recuperate. These things don't make them less dominant.
As a sub I like it when my Dom is enjoying things as much as I do. Else I'd be a selfish cow and it wouldn't be half as fun. | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. Submissives, especially brats need lots of attention (emotional, physical, intellectual) and can be impatient for it. Choosing to give that isn’t being wrapped around their finger, quite the opposite This. There is a fine line between being topped from the bottom and allowing them to think they have you wrapped around their finger. Saying yes to something you both like isn’t bad. Saying No, just to say no, benefits no one. I was going on the statement as was ... they were wrapped. Now if we're saying the Dom is just pretending the submissive has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then I can see this as part of the overall play. C. " They are happy to pretend and ignore because what they stand to gain is better than what they stand to lose. Eventually though it can lead to disappointment. | |||
"What do you want from a Dom/Domme" This could come across like a question of 'what is it you want, name it and I'll just do it'. Dangerous to answer specifically as those that don't understand what it is to Dom/domme can use the information to perfect their mask or angle. I've seen so called doms on here state that their sub won't say what she wants. And then the subs get a bad reputation for it. But I think a sub would need time and space to establish trust and if they match before stating what she wants in order to make sure the dom is not just a case of 'say what you want and I'll do it' and is in fact not a masked control freak or abuser or downright bully. T | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. " For me it falls within the definition of your dynamic. And it also falls to what type of D/s you are. I read there are over 70 different types and that’s why what some do seems unusual to others. Such is life. Am I a brat? Depends on your definition of it. I won’t poke up with someone’s crap or then telling me what to do because “they are dominant” or “just because”. So I will ask questions. Now some see that as being a brat. Others as having their dominance questioned. For me it’s making sure that my physical and mental health is protected. Being a brat can be fun. I know dominants who are brats. It’s when you feel the hand on your leash you know it’s time to stop | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. " To me a brat is someone who wants to submit, but likes a game of kinky chess before they do. | |||
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"I really don't know. It's whatever I have with Mr KC but I haven't a clue how to put it into words "That's it in a nutshell though isn't it? Compatibility | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. For me it falls within the definition of your dynamic. And it also falls to what type of D/s you are. I read there are over 70 different types and that’s why what some do seems unusual to others. Such is life. Am I a brat? Depends on your definition of it. I won’t poke up with someone’s crap or then telling me what to do because “they are dominant” or “just because”. So I will ask questions. Now some see that as being a brat. Others as having their dominance questioned. For me it’s making sure that my physical and mental health is protected. Being a brat can be fun. I know dominants who are brats. It’s when you feel the hand on your leash you know it’s time to stop " I'd say that's all part of the pre-play negotiation you'd expect from adults
C. | |||
"I really don't know. It's whatever I have with Mr KC but I haven't a clue how to put it into words "I think this sums it up perfectly KC. It’s not about what’s right or wrong with My Dom, it’s actually about whether we will be compatible to ensure a power exchange. Whilst it’s important to know what you do and don’t like, hard and soft limits and being SSC, it’s more important to me that He will be My Dom. Only He will be the person who can ultimately achieve my obedience and I’m 100% sub. But only for the right Dom LB | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. " as I said before before and has been mentioned by a few other people, the power exchange goes both ways. I want my submissive to be happy and content, to feel safe, secure, wanted and desired, but also to be tuned into my wants and desires, it isn't just about sex. She gets what she wants from me and visa versa | |||
"I really don't know. It's whatever I have with Mr KC but I haven't a clue how to put it into words "I couldn't put ours into words either. It's there and there's an understanding and we know most of our limits. But we also know it will evolve or change over time. T | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. as I said before before and has been mentioned by a few other people, the power exchange goes both ways. I want my submissive to be happy and content, to feel safe, secure, wanted and desired, but also to be tuned into my wants and desires, it isn't just about sex. She gets what she wants from me and visa versa" Definitely isn't just about sex, but forum threads seem to revolve around the bedroom scenes. T | |||
"I really don't know. It's whatever I have with Mr KC but I haven't a clue how to put it into words
That's it in a nutshell though isn't it? Compatibility "Definitely | |||
"I really don't know. It's whatever I have with Mr KC but I haven't a clue how to put it into words
I couldn't put ours into words either. It's there and there's an understanding and we know most of our limits. But we also know it will evolve or change over time.
T"Exactly this  | |||
"Definitely isn't just about sex, but forum threads seem to revolve around the bedroom scenes. T" Thats just a side effect of the conversation happenings on fab and how some perceive D/s as a purely sexual thing (thanks in part to porn). | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. as I said before before and has been mentioned by a few other people, the power exchange goes both ways. I want my submissive to be happy and content, to feel safe, secure, wanted and desired, but also to be tuned into my wants and desires, it isn't just about sex. She gets what she wants from me and visa versa" Thanks. My questions were quite specific. I don't really think that you've answered them. Respectfully, what you've set out is fairly boilerplate. C. | |||
"Definitely isn't just about sex, but forum threads seem to revolve around the bedroom scenes. T Thats just a side effect of the conversation happenings on fab and how some perceive D/s as a purely sexual thing (thanks in part to porn)." Isn't it just! Shame really as I enjoy the D/s threads but would be nice to talk about lifestyle once in a while. Though I'm sure they end up just the same in the sense of everyone's understanding and dymanics are so different there's no one answer. But just getting a view of how each differs would be interesting enough. T | |||
"Definitely isn't just about sex, but forum threads seem to revolve around the bedroom scenes. T Thats just a side effect of the conversation happenings on fab and how some perceive D/s as a purely sexual thing (thanks in part to porn). Isn't it just! Shame really as I enjoy the D/s threads but would be nice to talk about lifestyle once in a while. Though I'm sure they end up just the same in the sense of everyone's understanding and dymanics are so different there's no one answer. But just getting a view of how each differs would be interesting enough. T" There used to be some good discussions of this aspect way back when on The Sl*ve Register, and even sometimes on the BDSM boards on Literotica, but I've not visited either in years. But yes, my live-in submissive partners have been a totalising experience for us both. Permanent subspace is a beautiful thing, and sex was, as with all relationships, just one aspect. | |||
"Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. " In my experience where I have seen this happen is where a submissive (usually a woman) meets a man who is more vanilla than not. The man, eager to be with this woman, will agree to anything they want, including playing at being Dominant. He is wrapped around her little finger before D/s is ever really considered, and she just continues to top from the bottom. He knows no better, so sees nothing wrong with it, and so his perception of being Dominant is not affected. Her perception is that she will tolerate it for as long as playing with him is exciting, and then cracks start to form. She knows he isn’t Dominant, but will ignore it for now. Is it D/s? To them it will be, to others less so. But ultimately its what they both feel that is important. | |||
"Personally I don't do the brat thing and I have no time for them. If a submissive describes themselves as a "brat" we have nothing common and there is no point us talking. I leave "brats" to "brat wranglers" who know how and like to deal with them. Just think of the complaints of not being "real doms" if Dom/mmes called themselves brats and expected to be treated as doms "I am not a brat wrangler either, trying to hold down an family and work full time just doesn't afford me the time for it. I'd much rather we had our special time together basking in our enrichment | |||
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"Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. In my experience where I have seen this happen is where a submissive (usually a woman) meets a man who is more vanilla than not. The man, eager to be with this woman, will agree to anything they want, including playing at being Dominant. He is wrapped around her little finger before D/s is ever really considered, and she just continues to top from the bottom. He knows no better, so sees nothing wrong with it, and so his perception of being Dominant is not affected. Her perception is that she will tolerate it for as long as playing with him is exciting, and then cracks start to form. She knows he isn’t Dominant, but will ignore it for now. Is it D/s? To them it will be, to others less so. But ultimately its what they both feel that is important." Nicely put. Sometimes is smoke and mirrors
C. | |||
"Definitely isn't just about sex, but forum threads seem to revolve around the bedroom scenes. T Thats just a side effect of the conversation happenings on fab and how some perceive D/s as a purely sexual thing (thanks in part to porn). Isn't it just! Shame really as I enjoy the D/s threads but would be nice to talk about lifestyle once in a while. Though I'm sure they end up just the same in the sense of everyone's understanding and dymanics are so different there's no one answer. But just getting a view of how each differs would be interesting enough. T" I enjoy talking about kink in all its forms, rarely covering bedroom antics. You could also look at some of the munches near to you. | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. as I said before before and has been mentioned by a few other people, the power exchange goes both ways. I want my submissive to be happy and content, to feel safe, secure, wanted and desired, but also to be tuned into my wants and desires, it isn't just about sex. She gets what she wants from me and visa versa Thanks. My questions were quite specific. I don't really think that you've answered them. Respectfully, what you've set out is fairly boilerplate. C. " in truth there is no one answer fits all as far as d/s goes as each dynamic is different, Whether you/your Dom/Domme or sub is poly, whether it's a single d/s couple, so specifics vary and are relevant to each different scenario. To be honest I am not sure what it is about the power exchange you don't get | |||
"Nicely put. Sometimes is smoke and mirrors
C. "Definitely . It can also be fake it till you make it (avoiding hurting anyone in the process)  | |||
"Definitely isn't just about sex, but forum threads seem to revolve around the bedroom scenes. T Thats just a side effect of the conversation happenings on fab and how some perceive D/s as a purely sexual thing (thanks in part to porn). Isn't it just! Shame really as I enjoy the D/s threads but would be nice to talk about lifestyle once in a while. Though I'm sure they end up just the same in the sense of everyone's understanding and dymanics are so different there's no one answer. But just getting a view of how each differs would be interesting enough. T I enjoy talking about kink in all its forms, rarely covering bedroom antics. You could also look at some of the munches near to you." I think you messaged before on nearest ones but we might need a reminder on this profile as think it was a single one at the time. Which we no longer have. T | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. as I said before before and has been mentioned by a few other people, the power exchange goes both ways. I want my submissive to be happy and content, to feel safe, secure, wanted and desired, but also to be tuned into my wants and desires, it isn't just about sex. She gets what she wants from me and visa versa Thanks. My questions were quite specific. I don't really think that you've answered them. Respectfully, what you've set out is fairly boilerplate. C. in truth there is no one answer fits all as far as d/s goes as each dynamic is different, Whether you/your Dom/Domme or sub is poly, whether it's a single d/s couple, so specifics vary and are relevant to each different scenario. To be honest I am not sure what it is about the power exchange you don't get" In the nicest possible way, I have to say that I'm finding your replies a little on the nebulous side. I thought the questions were quite clear, possibly with additional context from other postings on this thread. That said, I think _etcpl have stepped in though and explained it quite nicely. C. | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. as I said before before and has been mentioned by a few other people, the power exchange goes both ways. I want my submissive to be happy and content, to feel safe, secure, wanted and desired, but also to be tuned into my wants and desires, it isn't just about sex. She gets what she wants from me and visa versa Thanks. My questions were quite specific. I don't really think that you've answered them. Respectfully, what you've set out is fairly boilerplate. C. in truth there is no one answer fits all as far as d/s goes as each dynamic is different, Whether you/your Dom/Domme or sub is poly, whether it's a single d/s couple, so specifics vary and are relevant to each different scenario. To be honest I am not sure what it is about the power exchange you don't get In the nicest possible way, I have to say that I'm finding your replies a little on the nebulous side. I thought the questions were quite clear, possibly with additional context from other postings on this thread. That said, I think _etcpl have stepped in though and explained it quite nicely. C. " pardon me for my lack of elequence. | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. as I said before before and has been mentioned by a few other people, the power exchange goes both ways. I want my submissive to be happy and content, to feel safe, secure, wanted and desired, but also to be tuned into my wants and desires, it isn't just about sex. She gets what she wants from me and visa versa Thanks. My questions were quite specific. I don't really think that you've answered them. Respectfully, what you've set out is fairly boilerplate. C. in truth there is no one answer fits all as far as d/s goes as each dynamic is different, Whether you/your Dom/Domme or sub is poly, whether it's a single d/s couple, so specifics vary and are relevant to each different scenario. To be honest I am not sure what it is about the power exchange you don't get In the nicest possible way, I have to say that I'm finding your replies a little on the nebulous side. I thought the questions were quite clear, possibly with additional context from other postings on this thread. That said, I think _etcpl have stepped in though and explained it quite nicely. C. pardon me for my lack of elequence." I wouldn't sweat it, _etcpl and LadyJayne have often explained kink concepts better than me. You would think they took seriously! | |||
"Quick question: how do people see a Dom as dominant if they are wrapped around a submissive's little finger? Surely the power has exchanged in the opposite direction? C. because a bratty sub will try to lure you into a false sense of security. The power exchange goes both ways in that respect, it keeps you on your toes, stops you becoming complacent Can you clarify that comment, please? Who's giving power and who's receiving and what power exactly is being exchanged? C. the dynamic can be complicated, easiest way to put it, the Dom has power over the sub in respect of what he wants, but the sub has ultimate power over the Dom. Both parties have to understand and respect the wants and desires of each A Dom has to earn a subs trust and respect her for the person she is. She can withdraw her submission or withold it. You can not force a sub to submit to you, and a bratty sub will play on that, it is all part of the game, as a Dom you have to work to keep your sub happy or she will go elsewhere. I hope that makes sense to you Some of what you say is pretty textbook, but I still can't quite see where s/he would have the Dom(me) wrapped around his/her little finger. A brat will be bratty, for sure, but if the sub has the Dom wrapped around their little finger, then surely that's topping from the bottom as the brat is exercising a degree of control over the Dom? Is that truly D/s? I'd ask who the Dom(me) really is in that scenario? It's clear though that D/s means different things to different people so I guess it could apply. C. as I said before before and has been mentioned by a few other people, the power exchange goes both ways. I want my submissive to be happy and content, to feel safe, secure, wanted and desired, but also to be tuned into my wants and desires, it isn't just about sex. She gets what she wants from me and visa versa Thanks. My questions were quite specific. I don't really think that you've answered them. Respectfully, what you've set out is fairly boilerplate. C. in truth there is no one answer fits all as far as d/s goes as each dynamic is different, Whether you/your Dom/Domme or sub is poly, whether it's a single d/s couple, so specifics vary and are relevant to each different scenario. To be honest I am not sure what it is about the power exchange you don't get In the nicest possible way, I have to say that I'm finding your replies a little on the nebulous side. I thought the questions were quite clear, possibly with additional context from other postings on this thread. That said, I think _etcpl have stepped in though and explained it quite nicely. C. pardon me for my lack of elequence." It wasn't the eloquence, it was the content  People see things differently, which is why I was curious about how the power exchange works.
C. | |||
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