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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.
Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).
Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.
So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ooft. Don’t worry op, a guy might guess that shyness, and not be phased by it. It’s almost cute in a way. If your worried, tell him your interested. Be direct on a message when being in front of him is not an issue anymore.
Me - I’m too shy to even be there. I send my wingman in to do all the ground work. I stand at the bar waving doing awkward poses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?
Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I like someone, I'm never shy in person.
If I don't, then I'm very aloof and disinterested which has been confused for shyness!
No help what's so ever I know.
Have a glass of wine and just picture them naked? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I like someone, I'm never shy in person.
If I don't, then I'm very aloof and disinterested which has been confused for shyness!
No help what's so ever I know.
Have a glass of wine and just picture them naked? "
I hate wine  |
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OP I am poor at picking up signals and have had several socials where things didn’t progress because I misread their shyness/lack of directness for lack of interest. I only found out they were actually interested when it came up in a text chat later.
I would suggest that for numbskulls like me you have to be fairly blunt and tell me if I have misread it - a text convo afterwards is often a good way to do that if you are shy in the moment. |
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I find shyness to be quite an attractive quality.
Even though you’re shy you can still send out signals via body language etc. That way the other person should be able to read the signs and act “appropriately”. |
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"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.
Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).
Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.
So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "
I'm just not shy, can be a little bit more refined initially but eye contact suggests lack of confidence, try build your confidence treat yourself to new clothes get some compliments in etc have your hair done stuff that makes you feel good  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?
Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier. "
This is good advice, eye gazing can actually be a really lovely thing to do, and would be good practice.
Also, maybe be upfront about it, see if that helps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're ND aren't you, OP? I just tell people in advance that I'm on the spectrum and sometimes eye contact might be an issue. Most people are fine about it and once they understand why my behaviour is not typical it puts them at ease. |
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I don't like eye contact it makes me feel awkward, also super shy!
I'm quite direct though I'd just say I'm interested if it seems they aren't sure or ask if they want to come back to the hotel/meet again.
I'm really socially awkward so socials can appear as I'm not interested, couple of gins though I'm all good.
Mrs |
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I'm not shy, but so paranoid about rejection that I end up seeming cool or distant when I'm anything but. I agree with others that honest communication is the way forward, but it's very much a case of 'Do as I say, not as I do'!  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?
Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier. "
I’m curious about this also.
Direct eye contact doesn’t mean you are not shy, you could just be a psychopath!
If you were having fun, laughing and chatting why would they say you were shy, unless it was because you didn’t nosh them off under the table? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You're ND aren't you, OP? I just tell people in advance that I'm on the spectrum and sometimes eye contact might be an issue. Most people are fine about it and once they understand why my behaviour is not typical it puts them at ease."
Yep I have ADHD which no doubt contributes to it! But yes maybe warning people beforehand would help! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.
Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).
Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.
So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. I'm just not shy, can be a little bit more refined initially but eye contact suggests lack of confidence, try build your confidence treat yourself to new clothes get some compliments in etc have your hair done stuff that makes you feel good "
I actually don’t lack confidence! I’m pretty happy with how I look |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did you tell him you can be very shy and not disinterested?"
I actually didn’t realise that I came across as shy until we were messaging afterwards lol because conversation flowed easily it didn’t occur to me that my lack of eye contact came across as disinterested! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're ND aren't you, OP? I just tell people in advance that I'm on the spectrum and sometimes eye contact might be an issue. Most people are fine about it and once they understand why my behaviour is not typical it puts them at ease.
Yep I have ADHD which no doubt contributes to it! But yes maybe warning people beforehand would help! "
I also find looking at a person's mouth or forehead instead of their eyes is comfortable for me while giving them the reassurance that I am actually interested and engaged. |
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Definitely drop him a text.
I’m not overly shy, but eye contact is difficult.
I’m also crap at picking up signals and so if I get a text afterwards it really helps me. Something about seeing it written down in black & white. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Could try forcing a bit of eye contact, if you clink glasses at any point you should make eye contact when you do (and while you drink), don’t ask me why but apparently it’s true. I did this once on an awkward date, and they found it to feel quite flirty but I only did it as I was shy so wrapping it up with some formal ritual meant I could do it more easily because I wasn’t deliberately being flirty, just following etiquette rules (which also works in the opposite way if they’re not interested, you don’t need to wrack yourself for making a fool, it’s just what you do like saying bless you after a sneeze |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am so bad picking up in person lol
The shy is real with me not a flirty eyelash fluttering strategy.
If I like a guy I'll just admire from a distance.... like across the room
It's a massive part of why I appreciate fab. I can get comfortable with a guy and past that instinct to shy away by the time we arrange a social.
Anyone who can't go at my speed is not my kind of guy so it's also a good filter  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am so bad picking up in person lol
The shy is real with me not a flirty eyelash fluttering strategy.
If I like a guy I'll just admire from a distance.... like across the room
It's a massive part of why I appreciate fab. I can get comfortable with a guy and past that instinct to shy away by the time we arrange a social.
Anyone who can't go at my speed is not my kind of guy so it's also a good filter "
This is exactly me! I find Fab much easier than in person. I get approached offline but I’m so bloody awkward! |
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"Did you tell him you can be very shy and not disinterested?
I actually didn’t realise that I came across as shy until we were messaging afterwards lol because conversation flowed easily it didn’t occur to me that my lack of eye contact came across as disinterested! "
Oh OK unusual that you don't like eye contact then lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you fancy him, then touch his hand/leg/other body part briefly..that should give him a hint...
Alternatively just sit on his lap and whisper something rude in his ear |
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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago
west midlands |
"I am so bad picking up in person lol
The shy is real with me not a flirty eyelash fluttering strategy.
If I like a guy I'll just admire from a distance.... like across the room
It's a massive part of why I appreciate fab. I can get comfortable with a guy and past that instinct to shy away by the time we arrange a social.
Anyone who can't go at my speed is not my kind of guy so it's also a good filter
This is exactly me! I find Fab much easier than in person. I get approached offline but I’m so bloody awkward! "
This sounds just like me, I usually tell someone I'm about to meet I am shy and I get really nervous meeting someone new I don't mean anything by it and the nerves and shyness don't last. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If not the eyes what was you looking at?
If you can’t focus on their eyes look inbetween the eyebrows where the monobrow grows."
Lol I was looking at his face just not necessarily his eyes! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If not the eyes what was you looking at?
If you can’t focus on their eyes look inbetween the eyebrows where the monobrow grows.
Lol I was looking at his face just not necessarily his eyes! "
Oh I assumed you looking at the floor or worsts at the crotch |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If not the eyes what was you looking at?
If you can’t focus on their eyes look inbetween the eyebrows where the monobrow grows.
Lol I was looking at his face just not necessarily his eyes!
Oh I assumed you looking at the floor or worsts at the crotch"
Haha noooo I’m not that bad |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.
Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).
Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.
So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "
Why not just right out tell them that you are shy? You might be surprised how understanding a person can be if you are honest and upfront with them.
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"Ooft. Don’t worry op, a guy might guess that shyness, and not be phased by it. It’s almost cute in a way. If your worried, tell him your interested. Be direct on a message when being in front of him is not an issue anymore.
Me - I’m too shy to even be there. I send my wingman in to do all the ground work. I stand at the bar waving doing awkward poses. "
Eh? You expect a guy to pickup on subtleties and subtext? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hello
I have been mistaken for not being interested .
She thought I didn’t wanted to kiss her when I was actually mad for it .
But Cause I don’t like to be invasive and I respect a lady’s space . I get shy and being polite, I get really bad with first .
I’m terrible at eye contact as well .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.
Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).
Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.
So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "
I had the opposite on a social this week. I mistook the other person's disinterest for shyness. Well up to the point I asked if he wanted a kiss? Turned out he didn't
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?
Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier.
I’m curious about this also.
Direct eye contact doesn’t mean you are not shy, you could just be a psychopath!
If you were having fun, laughing and chatting why would they say you were shy, unless it was because you didn’t nosh them off under the table?"
Yeah that's why I taught myself to do the eye contact.  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"If you were very chatty and conversation flowed, why did he think you were shy? Just the lack of eye contact?
Do you have a good friend who you can practice eye contact with? It can be really weird but with practice it gets easier.
I’m curious about this also.
Direct eye contact doesn’t mean you are not shy, you could just be a psychopath!
If you were having fun, laughing and chatting why would they say you were shy, unless it was because you didn’t nosh them off under the table?
Yeah that's why I taught myself to do the eye contact. "
I’d rather you noshed me off under the table |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men are simple creatures, sometimes they just need to be told. I usually ask for a kiss, then they know if I'm interested or not.
I wouldn't say it was completely down to you."
Oh I do this too xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.
Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).
Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.
So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "
I'm very shy (believe it or not) and its a real problem for me letting the real me be seen, it isnt helped with low confidence but I feel your issue is valid OP |
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Shyness can be really debilitating as someone who also struggles with shyness. I'm no amateur psychologist but for me the way was practise practise practise. That and in intimate situations be open and honest about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can you own it and name it ?
"Just so you know, I'm told I don't always give away how I feel... If that's what you're thinking, then it's not disinterest I'm showing... Just shyness  " |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can you own it and name it ?
"Just so you know, I'm told I don't always give away how I feel... If that's what you're thinking, then it's not disinterest I'm showing... Just shyness ""
That’s what I’ve started doing in conversations that could progress to meeting lol seems it’s a turn on for many lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it very difficult. I'm quiet and struggle with anxiety so the first few times meeting someone new I can come across as uninterested I think. I'm very upfront about that, and I think that’s the best thing to do. I let people know so they expect it, and if I'm not interested in them I will kindly let them know that too. It's always made me feel more at ease knowing people know and can work with me on it if that makes sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ooft. Don’t worry op, a guy might guess that shyness, and not be phased by it. It’s almost cute in a way. If your worried, tell him your interested. Be direct on a message when being in front of him is not an issue anymore.
Me - I’m too shy to even be there. I send my wingman in to do all the ground work. I stand at the bar waving doing awkward poses.
Eh? You expect a guy to pickup on subtleties and subtext? "
Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. Ive been known to be well of the mark lately so do not listen to my experience.
But I stand by my advice to be more direct in text, if being in person makes someone shy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you own it and name it ?
"Just so you know, I'm told I don't always give away how I feel... If that's what you're thinking, then it's not disinterest I'm showing... Just shyness "
That’s what I’ve started doing in conversations that could progress to meeting lol seems it’s a turn on for many lol "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I had an impromptu social meet last night with someone new.
Was hugely attracted to him and we had a really good time (he took me for a lovely dinner and conversation freely flowed).
Chatting afterwards though and it was apparent that my shyness can be confused for disinterest.
So how do others keep their shyness at bay during meets? I was very chatty btw but eye contact can be kind of an issue for me. "
If you're any bit worried or concerned about shyness just come out and say what you feel or want in a conversation, that way you've said it out what you want or mean, if you want to have fun with someone just say it , it eliminates all doubt or guessing.
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