My wife's funeral is to take place at our local parish church on Wednesday (12th). To some on fab it will be a surprise that I was married, all I can say is that our relationship was complicated by my transgender leanings. To many of my closer friends though it was no secret, and they are aware of how much I loved her even though things had changed between us over the past dozen years.
A few of my closest friends have indicated that they wish to attend, to show their respects and provide emotional support to me. Please PM me for details of time and place.
Note that I will be presenting in my male identity throughout the day. Few in our family and among her friends know of Polly, this was my wifes wishes, and now is no time for me to cause disruption or pain to my family.
I hope that all understand how the current time is very difficult for me. My words here seem awkward and impersonal as I read them back, but this is the only way that I can keep a grip on my emotions at present.
Holding love in my heart, Polly xx |
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For you to have to suppress your identity just as you are in emotional turmoil: your actions are deeply respectful, but it is hard to see them as prompted by love. Such an expressed desire may be intended to protect you, or prompted by an understandable reaction to what must have been so hard for both of you, but either way seems led by fear. What a fearful world we live in.
I don't know you either, so please forgive my impertinence, but my wishes are nonetheless true for all that. May the day bring you some peace, however hard-won. And I hope that one day soon, no-one will have to hide who they are because of the fear, ignorance, and anger of others. |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
OP, you have my deepest sympathy.
I lost my partner in May. The funeral was held in June and yesterday (9th) we had a memorial service so those that couldn't attend the funeral could say their goodbyes.
The thing I learnt was to take some time for yourself to say goodbye. At the funeral you will be surrounded by people all offering commiserations and meaning well but you will need some peaceful time for your own thoughts about your wife.
Good luck on Wednesday and I hope everything goes smoothly.
My thoughts go with you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife's funeral is to take place at our local parish church on Wednesday (12th). To some on fab it will be a surprise that I was married, all I can say is that our relationship was complicated by my transgender leanings. To many of my closer friends though it was no secret, and they are aware of how much I loved her even though things had changed between us over the past dozen years.
A few of my closest friends have indicated that they wish to attend, to show their respects and provide emotional support to me. Please PM me for details of time and place.
Note that I will be presenting in my male identity throughout the day. Few in our family and among her friends know of Polly, this was my wifes wishes, and now is no time for me to cause disruption or pain to my family.
I hope that all understand how the current time is very difficult for me. My words here seem awkward and impersonal as I read them back, but this is the only way that I can keep a grip on my emotions at present.
Holding love in my heart, Polly xx"
 xx |
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Polly xx
We have never met or previously spoken, but my heart genuinely goes out to you at this very difficult time xx
I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through at the moment, and know from friends who have also lost their partners, until it happens, it is so difficult to comprehend from outside xxx
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
Love Rachel xxx |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Polly, I’m so sorry to read of your loss, I had absolutely no idea.
It’s been obvious from my time of knowing you, just how much you love your wife. You honour that love by saying goodbye in the best way that you know how.
If and when we see each other again, there is a huge hug for you here.
Look after yourself and your family and remember that lots of people love you and will be there for you in any way that you want.
If you want or need to chat, please feel free to message. Sending you love |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
Sending you love & huggles
There are very few words I can give to provide comfort, so I'll simply say I hope all goes as smoothly as possible on Wednesday, and I have every confidence that your support network have you 100%
Much love to you Polly xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Polly, I had noted how you seem to have been much more active in the forum these last few weeks, and made a bunch of intricately detailed funny posts that were comically dark which I was starting to look forward to, and obviously I have no idea you were dealing with such loss in parallel. So whether you’re here as Polly to find solace in comfortable surroundings or as an escape, I just want to say I hope this place helps and doesn’t hinder and I do hope you’ll still be here in the future. |
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Had a bit of a moment last night in the shower. I have lost someone very close to me recently and I can’t get it out of my head how they have gone for good and the concept of never seeing them again Kinda of just slumped in the shower and had five minutes of misery 
Sorry for your loss Polly. Hope the day goes as best it can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Polly I send my deepest sympathies to you and your family at this sorrowful time. Time does slowly heal and make the fondest of memories which each and everyday you will treasure.
I know we have never spoken but the strength you have and courage you show not only to yourself but to others is inspirational |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thinking of you Polly. It's a difficult time but I hope you can also think of the happy times you had together. I hope Wednesday goes as well as possible for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not presenting male on the day just Polly wearing something respectful. I don’t know you sweetie but wish you whatever consolations you have. My deepest sympathy for your loss. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Awww bless you….. I think you’re showing much wisdom and respect doing the right thing by her & family at this time. Also great you have friends who understand & want to support you. Must be a such a difficult time. Sending you peace x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not presenting male on the day just *Polly wearing something respectful*. I don’t know you sweetie but wish you whatever consolations you have. My deepest sympathy for your loss. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your emotions are well and truly understood hun.
Similar circumstances evolved in my late wife...
Time is not a healer.
You and only you will heal and will probably become a woman emotionally tied with respect to your late wife.
X |
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I've always thought the funerals in parts of South America and places like New Orleans are a much more positive approach than ours, where the focus is on the life lived, which is celebrated- as thats the person you knew and spent time with.
While never nice things to attend, whenever i do have to go to one, it always reminds me of a story an old friend told me.
His grandfather was notoriously late all the time. On the day of his funeral, everyone was stood round the grave as the coffin was brought over after the service. As they began to lower him down, my friend (always one with a ready quip) commented "At least he managed to arrive for his own funeral on time"
This resulted in both a clip round the ear from his mother and his gran getting a fit of the giggles.
Later on, his gran came up, gave him a massive hug and thanked him for lightening the mood as his grandfather was a renowned practical joker and would have probably found the whole thing hilarious.
Just do what is right for you to get through the day, the following week and to find whatever oasis of happiness you can in the future- the important people will stick with you along the way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always thought the funerals in parts of South America and places like New Orleans are a much more positive approach than ours, where the focus is on the life lived, which is celebrated- as thats the person you knew and spent time with.
While never nice things to attend, whenever i do have to go to one, it always reminds me of a story an old friend told me.
His grandfather was notoriously late all the time. On the day of his funeral, everyone was stood round the grave as the coffin was brought over after the service. As they began to lower him down, my friend (always one with a ready quip) commented "At least he managed to arrive for his own funeral on time"
This resulted in both a clip round the ear from his mother and his gran getting a fit of the giggles.
Later on, his gran came up, gave him a massive hug and thanked him for lightening the mood as his grandfather was a renowned practical joker and would have probably found the whole thing hilarious.
Just do what is right for you to get through the day, the following week and to find whatever oasis of happiness you can in the future- the important people will stick with you along the way."
I agree I was raised Catholic I met my husband in the military. That said we were worlds apart on funerals. I was taught the somber aspects of it. His parents passed they chose cremation and to be thrown off a overlook they loved. It was a surreal and a poignant aspect I can agree on. Celebrate they are together.
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Thank you so much everybody. Today is going to be hard, but reading the lovely words from you all does help. We're a funny mixed bunch on these forums, we have all sorts of different opinions, we argue, we joke, we take the piss out of each other, we annoy each other. Just like family really.
So to all my forum-family, though we might fight at times, I love you all dearly. Polly xxx |
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"Thank you so much everybody. Today is going to be hard, but reading the lovely words from you all does help. We're a funny mixed bunch on these forums, we have all sorts of different opinions, we argue, we joke, we take the piss out of each other, we annoy each other. Just like family really.
So to all my forum-family, though we might fight at times, I love you all dearly. Polly xxx"
We all support each other on here polly. Take care of yourself lovely xxx |
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Thank you again everybody. Today went as well as it could have. The service was beautiful, I cried a lot. Reception afterwards gave me time to talk with friends and family in a way that so often we do not.
Fun fact: Being passenger in a funeral cortege gives chance to properly look at houses and gardens that usually you just speed by and don't even notice. On journey from church to crematorium, then crematorium back to reception, I counted five houses with luxurious pampas grass in front gardens... |
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"Thank you again everybody. Today went as well as it could have. The service was beautiful, I cried a lot. Reception afterwards gave me time to talk with friends and family in a way that so often we do not.
Fun fact: Being passenger in a funeral cortege gives chance to properly look at houses and gardens that usually you just speed by and don't even notice. On journey from church to crematorium, then crematorium back to reception, I counted five houses with luxurious pampas grass in front gardens..."
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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago
Fabville |
"Thank you again everybody. Today went as well as it could have. The service was beautiful, I cried a lot. Reception afterwards gave me time to talk with friends and family in a way that so often we do not.
Fun fact: Being passenger in a funeral cortege gives chance to properly look at houses and gardens that usually you just speed by and don't even notice. On journey from church to crematorium, then crematorium back to reception, I counted five houses with luxurious pampas grass in front gardens..."
Five??
That's a 'Who's Near Me?' search.. |
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