FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How to cope with rejection
How to cope with rejection
Jump to: Newest in thread
Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
When life gives us lemons, make lemonade!
I’m glad you chose to enjoy your evening and make the most of it.
Many would have been bitter and angry but you chose the positive route and it sounds like you had a really pleasant time nevertheless!
Plenty more fish in the sea, I hope next time things go even better for you!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets."
I love Italian too  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets."
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I like to try and look what I have got and what I can do rather than the things that don’t happen.
My mouth salivated at the mere mention of risotto 
Everyone loves hearing positive stories on fab, how a ‘cancelled date’ can have a positive spin is fantastic, we’ll done op.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I look at and approach life a little differently to others and set my socials up as dates for me that I really want to do. I then invite someone to join me. So for instance at a lovely cafe I frequently enjoy breakfast at, so if he doesn't turn up/cancels, Im still having a great time doing something I enjoy. If he goes join me then Brill |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets."
An excellent way of dealing with a dissapointment, turn a negative to a positive. Well played.
You've also reminded of my favourite cliche turnaround.
"Life is too short". But it's still the longest thing we'll ever do.
Enjoy life, this is it, its not a rehearsal.
Winston
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Love it, his loss too
We need to look after ourselves more, been rejected quite a bit on here, ghosted and stood up.
So if I arrange a social meet I pick somewhere nice for good coffee and cake at least if I get stood up I still get good cake. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets."
Thats my girl!sure no point in wasting your beauty by sitting at home and thinking of some prick
Now I want mushroom risotto |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Rejection is part of the game, maybe instead of a social meet go to a club. There's no obligation to do anything with anyone and if you see someone you like you can do something about it. "
Agree with this |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Like others have said, their loss.
Good shout on Carluccio’s, it’s the restaurant that Bella Italia could have been  "
Oh dear Bella Italia...haven't been to them in years since moving to London and going to Sicily. Lol! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
When life gives us lemons, make lemonade!
I’m glad you chose to enjoy your evening and make the most of it.
Many would have been bitter and angry but you chose the positive route and it sounds like you had a really pleasant time nevertheless!
Plenty more fish in the sea, I hope next time things go even better for you! "
Thanks. I would have gone for the Limoncello but I decided to be risque/risky and get the Grappa. Had a nice social meet today. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Rejection is part of the game, maybe instead of a social meet go to a club. There's no obligation to do anything with anyone and if you see someone you like you can do something about it. "
I'm not ready for a club alone yet. I've had two social meets now and I will hopefully go with them to the club/party. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sorry you were let down, OP. But it seems like you had a great day after all. Well done you! Xx"
Thanks. Just thought I'd post it to try to help others with the rejection that can happen...and a reminder to myself when I get rejected. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"His/her loss, but there's not a right way of dealing with it, you just have to knock it on the head and move on "
Dunno if there is a right way. Just hoping to see how different people cope after my example. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets.I love Italian too "
  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets.
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I just had the biggest let down of the year
Is ok . Someone who deserves more will have it
I would never stood up or cancel
Unless some emergency or I feel Ill
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I always expect rejection, when it doesn't happen it's a little unnerving. "
Hugs. Something some therapist said to me was to build positive experiences...or something like that.
shit happens but let me reframe/rethink/reposition it to something less unpleasant.
I am awkward so sometimes I feel rejected where there is none and when people are being really nice that can freak me out too.
Not alone there. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I like to try and look what I have got and what I can do rather than the things that don’t happen.
My mouth salivated at the mere mention of risotto
Everyone loves hearing positive stories on fab, how a ‘cancelled date’ can have a positive spin is fantastic, we’ll done op. "
Thanks. There is enough bad and unpleasant things lurking in this world...so I try to drown it out with good and pleasant things even if things don't go quite to plan.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I look at and approach life a little differently to others and set my socials up as dates for me that I really want to do. I then invite someone to join me. So for instance at a lovely cafe I frequently enjoy breakfast at, so if he doesn't turn up/cancels, Im still having a great time doing something I enjoy. If he goes join me then Brill "
I'm all about the self-date now. Lol! I enjoy myself too much on my own so I have to remind myself that hey being anti-social is actually bad for my mental health so go do some Fabbing. Lol! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
I think you did the perfectly right thing. Experiences can still be enjoyable even when going solo! Be it solo trips, activities, or meals. Sometimes they can be more intimate alone when you’re solely focused on yourself.
I have had a let down tonight. So now I have decided for some very sensual slow self pleasure. Candle on, toys out, and an intention to not rush myself at all |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets.
An excellent way of dealing with a dissapointment, turn a negative to a positive. Well played.
You've also reminded of my favourite cliche turnaround.
"Life is too short". But it's still the longest thing we'll ever do.
Enjoy life, this is it, its not a rehearsal.
Winston
"
Thanks Winston. It's true that we only get one go on this planet. I like to hack my negative brain and give it the positive virus. Lol! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Love it, his loss too
We need to look after ourselves more, been rejected quite a bit on here, ghosted and stood up.
So if I arrange a social meet I pick somewhere nice for good coffee and cake at least if I get stood up I still get good cake. "
Carluccios does cake too. Yum...I had the Grappa instead of cake. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets.
Thats my girl!sure no point in wasting your beauty by sitting at home and thinking of some prick
Now I want mushroom risotto "
Lol! I thought I'm dressed now so I might as well go out! Let's not waste the makeup and the hair!! Didn't think much about him at all except maybe he's a workaholic. Lol!
That risotto was so good like all the comfort carbs!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Our local Carluccios closed down earlier this year. Gutted.
I used to love their "Zuppa di Fungi" porcini mushroom soup with homemade focaccia.
I fancy a foc' right now.
"
Ours in Putney closed too!! Dang it!! Luckily I can bus/uber/cycle it to Wimbledon, South Kensington Kingston or Richmond quite easily.
I actually discovered Carluccios when I lived in Nottingham. It's been a comfort food favourite ever since. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Our local Carluccios closed down earlier this year. Gutted.
I used to love their "Zuppa di Fungi" porcini mushroom soup with homemade focaccia.
I fancy a foc' right now.
"
yes I saw what you did there with the foc'
Sir cheeky! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Definitely the best decision! I've had 3 losses in the last month, life is too short! "
Hugs sorry about your losses. My grappa went to a schoolmate buried last Saturday. Only 40 years old. Live for the ones who didn't make it and those gone. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets.
Thats my girl!sure no point in wasting your beauty by sitting at home and thinking of some prick
Now I want mushroom risotto
Lol! I thought I'm dressed now so I might as well go out! Let's not waste the makeup and the hair!! Didn't think much about him at all except maybe he's a workaholic. Lol!
That risotto was so good like all the comfort carbs!!"
Glad you had a great night
I take all not to heart from here on the site as a single lady
It's not legit for 'much of a dating connection (sometimes otherwise I know!). But for those of us single ladies seeking just some fun, there is many a guy stating the same, but not true... Glad you had a great night regardless |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There’s a girl/woman/chick that said no to me and we still talk. I think there’s a certain attitude that can deal with rejection quite well, you can take it as a personal attack (which it isn’t) or just accept they don’t fancy you sexually.
I don’t understand why people need to ghost or block to say no. ?   "
Yeah My negative brain like to turn rejection in on me and make me think that I'm incapable somehow. logically I know this isn't true but mental health is never as logical as we would like it to be. So I hack my brain with the positive virus and a few other defragmentation tools. Lol!
Oh I've got a thousand reasons why people ghost but that's another thread. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Rejection is part of the game, maybe instead of a social meet go to a club. There's no obligation to do anything with anyone and if you see someone you like you can do something about it.
Agree with this "
Noted. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I just had the biggest let down of the year
Is ok . Someone who deserves more will have it
I would never stood up or cancel
Unless some emergency or I feel Ill
"
Oh dear. Let down from Fab or somewhere else?
I once went on a date with tonsilitis! lol! No tongue football that night. Lol! He was a regular lover and understanding. He took me home, gave me my medicine and bundled me in a blanket and put me to bed. Lol! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I always expect rejection, when it doesn't happen it's a little unnerving.
Same "
Hugs. I always look at things as something I can work on and improve bit by bit.
Trust me when I say there were times in the past I would be under the duvet with a bottle of spirit and chocolate crying my eyes out from rejection. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think you did the perfectly right thing. Experiences can still be enjoyable even when going solo! Be it solo trips, activities, or meals. Sometimes they can be more intimate alone when you’re solely focused on yourself.
I have had a let down tonight. So now I have decided for some very sensual slow self pleasure. Candle on, toys out, and an intention to not rush myself at all "
I like to spend far too much time on my own and I know it's not good for me mentally so I'm trying to be social. lol!
Sorry about the letdown. I wish I had the motivation for self-pleasure with candles and toys but at the moment food is my self-pleasure. Lol! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Of course there us a right way to deal with it. What a daft remark lol"
I guess people are allowed their feelings. But if our thoughts and behaviours are harming us or harming others, then we definitely need a re-think....or that would probably be what my therapist would say but not something I always do.
See the crying under the duvet comment above. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just had the biggest let down of the year
Is ok . Someone who deserves more will have it
I would never stood up or cancel
Unless some emergency or I feel Ill
Oh dear. Let down from Fab or somewhere else?
I once went on a date with tonsilitis! lol! No tongue football that night. Lol! He was a regular lover and understanding. He took me home, gave me my medicine and bundled me in a blanket and put me to bed. Lol!"
But ain't that the difference? Fab is maybes more a 'hook up', date is very much a difference? And you're clearly gorgeous! So, a fab flake is not to be upset about. A date would not I'd imagine leave you hanging |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Lol! I thought I'm dressed now so I might as well go out! Let's not waste the makeup and the hair!! Didn't think much about him at all except maybe he's a workaholic. Lol!
That risotto was so good like all the comfort carbs!!
Glad you had a great night
I take all not to heart from here on the site as a single lady
It's not legit for 'much of a dating connection (sometimes otherwise I know!). But for those of us single ladies seeking just some fun, there is many a guy stating the same, but not true... Glad you had a great night regardless
Thanks! I think everyone gets rejected on Fab, women, men. couples even said they do as well.
A social meet for me is way less pressure than a "let's create a relationship" date and safer ( mentally for me) than a "let's bang privates together straight away" date. lol!
Some people do get really frustrated. I know I'm really sensitive and if I was having a crappy week overall, I'd probably be under the duvet. I've only got so many spoons and emotional bandwidth.
This was a "good" ( healthy?) way of coping with rejection but I know that I won't always cope this well. Nature of the beast that is my brain. lol! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I just had the biggest let down of the year
Is ok . Someone who deserves more will have it
I would never stood up or cancel
Unless some emergency or I feel Ill
Oh dear. Let down from Fab or somewhere else?
I once went on a date with tonsilitis! lol! No tongue football that night. Lol! He was a regular lover and understanding. He took me home, gave me my medicine and bundled me in a blanket and put me to bed. Lol!
But ain't that the difference? Fab is maybes more a 'hook up', date is very much a difference? And you're clearly gorgeous! So, a fab flake is not to be upset about. A date would not I'd imagine leave you hanging "
Lol! I wish dates didn't leave me hanging. Lol! I've been on several "dating" sites and they behave similarly if not worse.
Fab is more than just a hookup site. A lot of long-term swingers have become long-term friends. I know a lot of people treat it as a hookup but a lot of people are also looking for more than just getting their itch scratched. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
"I think you did the perfectly right thing. Experiences can still be enjoyable even when going solo! Be it solo trips, activities, or meals. Sometimes they can be more intimate alone when you’re solely focused on yourself.
I have had a let down tonight. So now I have decided for some very sensual slow self pleasure. Candle on, toys out, and an intention to not rush myself at all
I like to spend far too much time on my own and I know it's not good for me mentally so I'm trying to be social. lol!
Sorry about the letdown. I wish I had the motivation for self-pleasure with candles and toys but at the moment food is my self-pleasure. Lol!"
Food is a great self-pleasure. A certified foodie here! I am feeling hungry now…  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok I wasn't technically rejected but my social meet cancelled two hours before and I was already dressed when I saw the message.
Now I could have got mad.....but I've since learned in therapy to reframe things.
So I decided I would take myself over by bus (I don't drink and drive and I definitely avoid driving in London) to the next borough and my favourite Italian restaurant chain Carluccios. I also opened my message filters to see if anyone was in that area up for a social meet. No luck on the meet but the mushroom risotto, Aperol Spritz and Grappa was excellent and probably what I needed too on such a grey day. Was going to go for a walk but had the grappa instead warm and comfy after carbs. Lol!
Turn it around. Not the first time I've been rejected stood up or cancelled on. I'm determined to have my own fun anyway. Life is too short. Last Saturday was the funeral of a schoolmate age 40. Live your best life. No regrets."
Live life , you're spot on there , don't worry about anything that happens here , it's the jungle that it is and people do . ..and will ..get stood up , some people are all talk and when it comes to it will find it easier not to meet , anyway best wishes to you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We hadn't been doing this very long and made a school boy error and didn't really look at a profile that sent us a spontaneous meet request in Bournemouth. We dolled ourselves up and went into town and actually walked out of another vanilla social event early to accommodate.
We were in Kik contact right to the door of the pub. I spotted them on the way in, they were sat at a table outside. They were gone by the time we walked back and we got a bunch of lame excuses. Profile vanished too
We were a little pissed to start with but turned the night around by pulling a visiting Colombian pro surfer and taking him back to his digs instead - so we still had fun |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Well I thought I'd throw caution to the wind when a Grindr hook up turned into a date then another, hotel stay and him stopping at mine a few nights etc.... I went from simple bi guy to a gay relationship, with a partner I could be proud of.
Until last night.... Jealousy crept in and boy gave me an ultimatum (pm me for details as happily discuss it with anyone) then totally cut me loose and blocke me. Had a bit of a melt down over it all but I'm back on my feet now, despite lacking in sleep and determined to be more independent and do things for myself than ever before now!
Thanks for op for posting this I had to comment before I drop off to sleep x
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
