FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > 50 shades wanna be
50 shades wanna be
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"Need to change my sexual preferences and looking for help to do that. I’m keen to learn about bdsm, I’ve met someone & this is there thing. She’s now bored with the normal sex, this has been ok for 9 or so months, well it’s been great for me! But I’ve recently found out it’s been slowly getting to the point where she doesn’t enjoy it & is only doing it for me. I want her to have the same thrill as me whenever we have sex, so I need to up my game to a level which will have her as excited and cumming as hard as she was when we first met.. I’ve tried a few things and it’s not worked. She sees a dom once, sometimes twice a month & when she does she is fully satisfied and squirts like she used to with me. I want to be able to give her the same satisfaction & feelings as he does. Is there anyone that could offer a bit of a beginners class to me one or two Monday afternoons a month? I’m very eager to learn & any help will be greatly appreciated. Nobody wants to be a boring fuck!!" Why don't you ask her Dom to be an apprentice of sorts? | |||
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"Could you ask her Dom for some tips ?" Yeah! Go along with her one time!!   | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. " Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. | |||
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"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM." Wait, what? They were about bdsm? I would rather read a Mills & Boon than subject myself to them ever again | |||
"Need to change my sexual preferences and looking for help to do that. !" This bothers me. All power to you if you genuinely want to try something, but if you feel you *have* to - it’s not right. You can’t change your preferences in my humble opinion. If anyone tried to pressure me into BDSM (or anything else to be fair). I would run a mile. Just because you are male, does not change this. Vanilla is not boring!!!! | |||
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"Thank you. That’s what I don’t want to do, I’ve tried a few things that we have discussed & because I don’t have the confidence it does t have the same affect. I’ve only ever been in vanilla relationships & if I had spanked someone in those I would’ve got a right handed back" OP use the reply and quote button, people will know who you are talking to | |||
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"Yes. But as I have never done these things before, I lack the confidence & conviction to ultimately inflict pain on someone, it’s hard to get your head around if you have spent your whole life trying to do the opposite " Use the reply+quote button under the post you're answer and we'll know who you're talking to | |||
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"Thank you. That’s what I don’t want to do, I’ve tried a few things that we have discussed & because I don’t have the confidence it does t have the same affect. I’ve only ever been in vanilla relationships & if I had spanked someone in those I would’ve got a right handed back OP use the reply and quote button, people will know who you are talking to "Sorry! Kinda showing my naivety here  | |||
"Need to change my sexual preferences and looking for help to do that. ! This bothers me. All power to you if you genuinely want to try something, but if you feel you *have* to - it’s not right. You can’t change your preferences in my humble opinion. If anyone tried to pressure me into BDSM (or anything else to be fair). I would run a mile. Just because you are male, does not change this. Vanilla is not boring!!!!" She’s not pressuring me into it, I’m offering to do it as I hate to see her not satisfied, when she used to be so into us having sex. So I want to give her that again | |||
"Personally I think being a Dom comes naturally as does sexual gratification which is what it’s all about. Also a sub/Dom relationship will be very personal. Maybe go along and watch a session to learn? But all the best with your endeavours mate. " Thanks | |||
"This may seem hard but it seems to me that if you play at Dom for her, or she plays at straight for you, it only shows that you are sadly sexually incompatible. Just how long is that going to last? Perhaps you should part as friends before this incompatibility wrecks the friendship. " Well this has crossed my mind, I’d be gutted tho & just want to try whatever I can to stop that happening. But sadly, you may be right | |||
"Fair play on you OP, you've listened to your partner and you want to find a way to solve it. Those are hard conversations to have and hard to face up to. However, my feelings are is just because that is what she likes, not feel pushed into something you're not happy with just to please her. Dom drop is a very real thing and not something to be taken on lightly. I'm sure if this had been a female posting about her Dom male partner, there would be different kinds of advice on this thread. "Thanks. I just want to see her happy again & enjoying our sex life. | |||
"Please don't use 50 shades as a guide to BDSM. It's actually a story of how someone with money thinks they have the right to be an abuser. " Lol that’s ok. I don’t have any money | |||
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"Well maybe. But I think she’s got to the stage where only the kinky sex will get her off" I think it is her issue not yours. We can only be what we are....I describe myself as vanilla. If others find it boring that's fine don't meet me. Maybe time for you to call it a day, you have had fun. Be confident in who you are and find someone who appreciates you. Best of luck. | |||
"Buy yourself Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns and read that, preferably with your partner. Talk about it together and find your way forward as a couple. You can take all the lessons you want but in my opinion the best teacher for you is her and vice versa. Good luck" Thanks The only thing with learning with her, on the job so to speak, is the disappointment that she tries to hide, but I know is there.. Is really hard to deal with | |||
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"Communication is key. How do you know she's bored with you. Has she told you and why. Do you want/feel comfortable to participate in things you haven't done before. For me variety is what works. What I get from 1 play partner to the next is different and that's what I like. She is still with you after months maybe she likes what you give her and honeymoon period has gone so it's not always explosive sex, but that doesn't mean it's rubbish sex" She’s said the sex is boring now & I know I’m not satisfying her as she used to cum absolutely loads and now it’s only through foreplay that she does. I’m happy to try anything to be honest, I’m not that comfortable or confident with it, but feel I need to try everything I can. As I don’t want to lose her | |||
"This may seem hard but it seems to me that if you play at Dom for her, or she plays at straight for you, it only shows that you are sadly sexually incompatible. Just how long is that going to last? Perhaps you should part as friends before this incompatibility wrecks the friendship. " This is my worst fear | |||
"Buy yourself Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns and read that, preferably with your partner. Talk about it together and find your way forward as a couple. You can take all the lessons you want but in my opinion the best teacher for you is her and vice versa. Good luck Thanks The only thing with learning with her, on the job so to speak, is the disappointment that she tries to hide, but I know is there.. Is really hard to deal with " You need to learn with each other. You're not a mind reader and can't possibly know what is going to press hee buttons. Trial and error is ok up to a point but in BDSM can cause more harm than good I'd say start slowly with her. Find some stuff around the house that you can experiment with, a wooden spoon for spanking, a scarf to tie her wrists. See how you get on but this isn't a solo exercise. | |||
"She's the expert on what she needs, so be guided by her. It may be that the role is not right for you and that you accept her guidance, which could prevent you from becoming to appear desperate, when the relationship may have run its course. Some things have to be natural to work and be satisfying " Yeah I agree, but she wants me to take charge & that’s where I need the help | |||
"As someone who used to see someone with a BDSM kink let me tell you, it will soon feel that all your liaisons are about them and satisfying their kinks. If you’re not naturally into their kinks, it becomes hard work if I’m honest. You don’t really realise until you’re in amongst it. You’re either into it or not. Trying to get on board to satisfy her is great. But didn’t she know you weren’t into that when you got together? " I don’t mind the hard work, she’s worth it. But I want it to be as natural as I can | |||
"This may seem hard but it seems to me that if you play at Dom for her, or she plays at straight for you, it only shows that you are sadly sexually incompatible. Just how long is that going to last? Perhaps you should part as friends before this incompatibility wrecks the friendship. Well this has crossed my mind, I’d be gutted tho & just want to try whatever I can to stop that happening. But sadly, you may be right" Whatever you two decide to do I wish you luck. | |||
"Buy yourself Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns and read that, preferably with your partner. Talk about it together and find your way forward as a couple. You can take all the lessons you want but in my opinion the best teacher for you is her and vice versa. Good luck Thanks The only thing with learning with her, on the job so to speak, is the disappointment that she tries to hide, but I know is there.. Is really hard to deal with You need to learn with each other. You're not a mind reader and can't possibly know what is going to press hee buttons. Trial and error is ok up to a point but in BDSM can cause more harm than good I'd say start slowly with her. Find some stuff around the house that you can experiment with, a wooden spoon for spanking, a scarf to tie her wrists. See how you get on but this isn't a solo exercise." Well we have spoke & I’ve seen pics & vids of her with the dom, it can be a tough watch. So some of the stuff I know, but me doing it, doesn’t have the same affect, that’s why I’m hoping all this advice I’m getting today will help with thi | |||
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"This may seem hard but it seems to me that if you play at Dom for her, or she plays at straight for you, it only shows that you are sadly sexually incompatible. Just how long is that going to last? Perhaps you should part as friends before this incompatibility wrecks the friendship. Well this has crossed my mind, I’d be gutted tho & just want to try whatever I can to stop that happening. But sadly, you may be right Whatever you two decide to do I wish you luck. "Thank you | |||
"Okay, I'd ignore the 'you're either a natural Dom or you aren't comments' got in to kink after a not dissimilar conversation 15+ years ago with my then partner. Sometimes we just need pointing in the right direction and a little encouragement to find our kinks! But your partner needs to be talking to you about what her kinks are and what she wants to experience with you and encouraging you to experiment. Though it should be a 2 way conversation, given you dint know where ti begin her leading makes sense. Maybe go to a kink event together to watch other people, that can be an eye opener for you in the sense you'll see things and think 'oh that looks fun'. Most of all avoid any Dom or Sub who starts talking about true Doms and who believe their way is the only way!" Thanks for this. She goes to events with the dom, I think she needs to do that as she wouldn’t enjoy it with a novice, I don’t think anyway. But it is something that I want to mention to her for the future, once I’ve got a few things I’m more confident with | |||
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"If you are seriously wanting to get into BDSM forget all about 50 shades of shit " Lol Yeah that’s gone. I didn’t know how else to title it really lol | |||
"You “need” to change your sexual preferences or you want to? If you’re changing for someone else I don’t think it will work and I’d say move on. If you want to then good luck. " Yeah I know what you are saying, But I want her in my life so the need turns into wanting | |||
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"Okay, I'd ignore the 'you're either a natural Dom or you aren't comments' got in to kink after a not dissimilar conversation 15+ years ago with my then partner. Sometimes we just need pointing in the right direction and a little encouragement to find our kinks! But your partner needs to be talking to you about what her kinks are and what she wants to experience with you and encouraging you to experiment. Though it should be a 2 way conversation, given you dint know where ti begin her leading makes sense. Maybe go to a kink event together to watch other people, that can be an eye opener for you in the sense you'll see things and think 'oh that looks fun'. Most of all avoid any Dom or Sub who starts talking about true Doms and who believe their way is the only way! Thanks for this. She goes to events with the dom, I think she needs to do that as she wouldn’t enjoy it with a novice, I don’t think anyway. But it is something that I want to mention to her for the future, once I’ve got a few things I’m more confident with " If she wouldn't enjoy them with you, because you are there to learn and explore rather than play, I'd question why you are doing this, your replies all suggest it is very one sided | |||
"Thing is she may now have you compartmentalised as vanilla. So no matter what you try might not work. And it can be hard on you trying to be dominant, assertive or forceful with her if you don’t have that in you. It’s not a fault, we all have our limits. I don’t want you losing yourself to keep her. If that makes sense? " she does want me to be more dom tho, she’s not happy with the vanilla side of our sex life anymore & that’s where the issue & needing to change comes from | |||
"Okay, I'd ignore the 'you're either a natural Dom or you aren't comments' got in to kink after a not dissimilar conversation 15+ years ago with my then partner. Sometimes we just need pointing in the right direction and a little encouragement to find our kinks! But your partner needs to be talking to you about what her kinks are and what she wants to experience with you and encouraging you to experiment. Though it should be a 2 way conversation, given you dint know where ti begin her leading makes sense. Maybe go to a kink event together to watch other people, that can be an eye opener for you in the sense you'll see things and think 'oh that looks fun'. Most of all avoid any Dom or Sub who starts talking about true Doms and who believe their way is the only way! Thanks for this. She goes to events with the dom, I think she needs to do that as she wouldn’t enjoy it with a novice, I don’t think anyway. But it is something that I want to mention to her for the future, once I’ve got a few things I’m more confident with If she wouldn't enjoy them with you, because you are there to learn and explore rather than play, I'd question why you are doing this, your replies all suggest it is very one sided" Yeah I get what you are saying. I don’t want to give her a shit experience is what I mean. She would be very happy if I could give her what she wanted straight away. What I mean is we can’t attend loads of these events due to other commitments, kids ect.. So I want her to have the full experience when she’s there. And not be disappointed cos I’ve done something wrong or badly. So I want to gain a certain level of, I don’t know skill, not sure if that’s the right word.. before I go to one with her, as time is precious | |||
"Thing is she may now have you compartmentalised as vanilla. So no matter what you try might not work. And it can be hard on you trying to be dominant, assertive or forceful with her if you don’t have that in you. It’s not a fault, we all have our limits. I don’t want you losing yourself to keep her. If that makes sense? she does want me to be more dom tho, she’s not happy with the vanilla side of our sex life anymore & that’s where the issue & needing to change comes from " Just going to point out that even though we're in a D/s relationship. There is always room for vanilla, despite all the kinky fuckery we get up to, we both love vanilla. It does concern me somewhat if she doesn't like/want that anymore. | |||
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"Okay, I'd ignore the 'you're either a natural Dom or you aren't comments' got in to kink after a not dissimilar conversation 15+ years ago with my then partner. Sometimes we just need pointing in the right direction and a little encouragement to find our kinks! But your partner needs to be talking to you about what her kinks are and what she wants to experience with you and encouraging you to experiment. Though it should be a 2 way conversation, given you dint know where ti begin her leading makes sense. Maybe go to a kink event together to watch other people, that can be an eye opener for you in the sense you'll see things and think 'oh that looks fun'. Most of all avoid any Dom or Sub who starts talking about true Doms and who believe their way is the only way! Thanks for this. She goes to events with the dom, I think she needs to do that as she wouldn’t enjoy it with a novice, I don’t think anyway. But it is something that I want to mention to her for the future, once I’ve got a few things I’m more confident with If she wouldn't enjoy them with you, because you are there to learn and explore rather than play, I'd question why you are doing this, your replies all suggest it is very one sided Yeah I get what you are saying. I don’t want to give her a shit experience is what I mean. She would be very happy if I could give her what she wanted straight away. What I mean is we can’t attend loads of these events due to other commitments, kids ect.. So I want her to have the full experience when she’s there. And not be disappointed cos I’ve done something wrong or badly. So I want to gain a certain level of, I don’t know skill, not sure if that’s the right word.. before I go to one with her, as time is precious " You are going to do things wrong. And probably badly. You are likely going to do things you don't enjoy and won't want to do again. It is a huge learning curve. And again it feels one sided, that she's told you to go away and come back as a Dom with no support about what she might want. Communication is key. And it doesn't seem to be happening. If she wants you to play as a Dom and she's an experienced sub and frustrated with vanilla, she needs to be communicating that with you. And however experienced or inexperienced you are and whether you are Dom or sub I'd run from a playpartner that can't communicate their needs | |||
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"Buy yourself Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns and read that, preferably with your partner. Talk about it together and find your way forward as a couple. You can take all the lessons you want but in my opinion the best teacher for you is her and vice versa. Good luck Thanks The only thing with learning with her, on the job so to speak, is the disappointment that she tries to hide, but I know is there.. Is really hard to deal with You need to learn with each other. You're not a mind reader and can't possibly know what is going to press hee buttons. Trial and error is ok up to a point but in BDSM can cause more harm than good I'd say start slowly with her. Find some stuff around the house that you can experiment with, a wooden spoon for spanking, a scarf to tie her wrists. See how you get on but this isn't a solo exercise. Well we have spoke & I’ve seen pics & vids of her with the dom, it can be a tough watch. So some of the stuff I know, but me doing it, doesn’t have the same affect, that’s why I’m hoping all this advice I’m getting today will help with thi" Read the rest of the comments now, you'll have to find your own "thing" that you do just with her, so different from the Dom. | |||
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"My advice is different. First, do you know (putting aside the Dom bit) whether it is his personality that excites her? Second, no two doms are the same, so again do you know whether it is his specific style of dominance that affects her. Third, although at one level the physical skills are mechanical, one masseuse should not be different from another, some massuese work better for different people. So just learning the physical skills will be of no help. It is a blend of getting into someone's mind and applying the skills. Without knowing the detail of what the other person does, he sounds more of a good top than a dom. As dominance is more than just sex. My suggestion would be to try and understand the mental element of turning her on rather than jumping into the skills. " She has been to different doms before, but didn’t get on. So it is this specific one rather than just the experience. Thanks for advice | |||
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"Need to change my sexual preferences and looking for help to do that. I’m keen to learn about bdsm, I’ve met someone & this is there thing. She’s now bored with the normal sex, this has been ok for 9 or so months, well it’s been great for me! But I’ve recently found out it’s been slowly getting to the point where she doesn’t enjoy it & is only doing it for me. I want her to have the same thrill as me whenever we have sex, so I need to up my game to a level which will have her as excited and cumming as hard as she was when we first met.. I’ve tried a few things and it’s not worked. She sees a dom once, sometimes twice a month & when she does she is fully satisfied and squirts like she used to with me. I want to be able to give her the same satisfaction & feelings as he doe Is there anyone that could offer a bit of a beginners class to me one or two Monday afternoons a month? I’m very eager to learn & any help will be greatly appreciated. Nobody wants to be a boring fuck!!" I think I'd take the hint and move on, sex is sex if somebody gets fed up with it in 9 months that's the person not you, just find somebody who enjoys what you do  | |||
"Need to change my sexual preferences and looking for help to do that. I’m keen to learn about bdsm, I’ve met someone & this is there thing. She’s now bored with the normal sex, this has been ok for 9 or so months, well it’s been great for me! But I’ve recently found out it’s been slowly getting to the point where she doesn’t enjoy it & is only doing it for me. I want her to have the same thrill as me whenever we have sex, so I need to up my game to a level which will have her as excited and cumming as hard as she was when we first met.. I’ve tried a few things and it’s not worked. She sees a dom once, sometimes twice a month & when she does she is fully satisfied and squirts like she used to with me. I want to be able to give her the same satisfaction & feelings as he doe Is there anyone that could offer a bit of a beginners class to me one or two Monday afternoons a month? I’m very eager to learn & any help will be greatly appreciated. Nobody wants to be a boring fuck!!I think I'd take the hint and move on, sex is sex if somebody gets fed up with it in 9 months that's the person not you, just find somebody who enjoys what you do "That’s my worst fear. Sadly it might be the answer tho. Thanks for input | |||
"Just to make it clear. She’s not forcing me to do anything. I’m looking at doing this for her & ultimately me, as it means I’ll be able to satisfy her & that is the key motivation. " Are you concerned that she might leave you for him if you don't do the things she likes? | |||
"Just to make it clear. She’s not forcing me to do anything. I’m looking at doing this for her & ultimately me, as it means I’ll be able to satisfy her & that is the key motivation. Are you concerned that she might leave you for him if you don't do the things she likes? " No I don’t think that will happen. As he doesn’t seem interested in an actually relationship with her, just the dom relationship. I just want to be able to satisfy her on the normal everyday times. As she only sees him once or twice a month | |||
"Why doesn't she just see the Dom guy more? Also, you're either naturally that or not. " I kinda agree with this and think you should be looking for someone more compatible... If its reached the end of the road, pointless flogging it? | |||
"Why doesn't she just see the Dom guy more? Also, you're either naturally that or not. I kinda agree with this and think you should be looking for someone more compatible... If its reached the end of the road, pointless flogging it? " The dom guy sees a few other women. They aren’t exclusive, so she can only see him once or twice a month. | |||
"Why doesn't she just see the Dom guy more? Also, you're either naturally that or not. I kinda agree with this and think you should be looking for someone more compatible... If its reached the end of the road, pointless flogging it? The dom guy sees a few other women. They aren’t exclusive, so she can only see him once or twice a month. " Yeah that's fine, she'll figure out her path But YOU need to find someone suited to YOUR needs. Let her go and if she comes back for occasional fun awesome, but dont try to trap her - BDSM is way more than sex.. And if it doesn't excite you, why would you want to do it?? | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM." In some ways yes, but they did get people talking about it more and got a few people interested where they wouldn't have done if they hadn't of read the books, let's just hope people do a lot more research before jumping straight into it, OP has the right idea and has asked for advice | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. In some ways yes, but they did get people talking about it more and got a few people interested where they wouldn't have done if they hadn't of read the books, let's just hope people do a lot more research before jumping straight into it, OP has the right idea and has asked for advice" To be honest, it’s what got her into it. | |||
"Why doesn't she just see the Dom guy more? Also, you're either naturally that or not. I kinda agree with this and think you should be looking for someone more compatible... If its reached the end of the road, pointless flogging it? The dom guy sees a few other women. They aren’t exclusive, so she can only see him once or twice a month. Yeah that's fine, she'll figure out her path But YOU need to find someone suited to YOUR needs. Let her go and if she comes back for occasional fun awesome, but dont try to trap her - BDSM is way more than sex.. And if it doesn't excite you, why would you want to do it?? " I’m not trying to trap her, she can do what she wants with whoever she wants. I wanted to be able to give her something that I know she wants. The rest of the normal relationship is good & we both love all the time we spend together. I just wanted to be able to give her more in the bedroom is all | |||
"BDSM is way more than just sex." Amen to this, sister. It's intensity, passion, incredible trust, honesty, emotional nakedness, vulnerability, strength...sex is an expression of all that. | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. In some ways yes, but they did get people talking about it more and got a few people interested where they wouldn't have done if they hadn't of read the books, let's just hope people do a lot more research before jumping straight into it, OP has the right idea and has asked for advice To be honest, it’s what got her into it. " There are people who knock FSOG, but it validated the desires of millions of women. I know a number of women who after reading FSOG decided to satisfy their desires by getting involved in BDSM. It is a romantic tosh, if you look on Amazon there are 100s of books with bdsm themed romantic tosh. There is romantic tosh on every field of human endeavour, does not need to be accurate about say doctors,firemen,pilots,farmers, investment bankers and vampires. Accuracy is not its function. Its function is to stir female heart strings and loins. Just because for some reason strange reason FSOG became popular (I did not get past page 5 the writing is appalling) does not make it accurate on kink. Personally I think it is more the fuss around it and the articles it generated that caused a lot of issues. FSOG was never originally meant or tried to be a kink manual. | |||
"BDSM is way more than just sex. Amen to this, sister. It's intensity, passion, incredible trust, honesty, emotional nakedness, vulnerability, strength...sex is an expression of all that. " Oh I know that, that’s what I want to understand tho & try to get some of that without it feeling mechanical or as if I’m doing it by numbers, if that makes sense | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM." Were they? Because they were certainly popular | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular " They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! " In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think | |||
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"Need to change my sexual preferences and looking for help to do that. I’m keen to learn about bdsm, I’ve met someone & this is there thing. She’s now bored with the normal sex, this has been ok for 9 or so months, well it’s been great for me! But I’ve recently found out it’s been slowly getting to the point where she doesn’t enjoy it & is only doing it for me. I want her to have the same thrill as me whenever we have sex, so I need to up my game to a level which will have her as excited and cumming as hard as she was when we first met.. I’ve tried a few things and it’s not worked. She sees a dom once, sometimes twice a month & when she does she is fully satisfied and squirts like she used to with me. I want to be able to give her the same satisfaction & feelings as he doe Is there anyone that could offer a bit of a beginners class to me one or two Monday afternoons a month? I’m very eager to learn & any help will be greatly appreciated. Nobody wants to be a boring fuck!!I think I'd take the hint and move on, sex is sex if somebody gets fed up with it in 9 months that's the person not you, just find somebody who enjoys what you do "The thing is, she says that in every other way, I tick all the boxes. So I was trying to tick this one as well, it may be fantasy on my part, but she’s worth at least trying to adapt to this part of her, if I can get it right & she’s happy with this then great. If I still can’t tick that box, atleast I will know I did everything that I could to make it work & wouldn’t have the…if only I’d tried… thought hanging over me | |||
"Need to change my sexual preferences and looking for help to do that. I’m keen to learn about bdsm, I’ve met someone & this is there thing. She’s now bored with the normal sex, this has been ok for 9 or so months, well it’s been great for me! But I’ve recently found out it’s been slowly getting to the point where she doesn’t enjoy it & is only doing it for me. I want her to have the same thrill as me whenever we have sex, so I need to up my game to a level which will have her as excited and cumming as hard as she was when we first met.. I’ve tried a few things and it’s not worked. She sees a dom once, sometimes twice a month & when she does she is fully satisfied and squirts like she used to with me. I want to be able to give her the same satisfaction & feelings as he doe Is there anyone that could offer a bit of a beginners class to me one or two Monday afternoons a month? I’m very eager to learn & any help will be greatly appreciated. Nobody wants to be a boring fuck!!I think I'd take the hint and move on, sex is sex if somebody gets fed up with it in 9 months that's the person not you, just find somebody who enjoys what you do
The thing is, she says that in every other way, I tick all the boxes.
So I was trying to tick this one as well, it may be fantasy on my part, but she’s worth at least trying to adapt to this part of her, if I can get it right & she’s happy with this then great.
If I still can’t tick that box, atleast I will know I did everything that I could to make it work & wouldn’t have the…if only I’d tried… thought hanging over me" | |||
"I tried reading the first book. I didn't get to the sex part and gave up after 2 chapters thinking I had downloaded the children's version as it was definitely written by a 12 year old for 12 year olds. The language and structure were the worst I have ever seen and I could never understand how it would turn anyone on. " It’s mad how the same thing can have so many different reactions from people ain’t it. She only got into bdsm after watching the 50 shades films & now it’s a massive part of her life. She’s only been into the scene for the last year or so & been seeing the dom for the same amount of time as she’s been seeing me. So it really ignited her passion for it | |||
"I tried reading the first book. I didn't get to the sex part and gave up after 2 chapters thinking I had downloaded the children's version as it was definitely written by a 12 year old for 12 year olds. The language and structure were the worst I have ever seen and I could never understand how it would turn anyone on. It’s mad how the same thing can have so many different reactions from people ain’t it. She only got into bdsm after watching the 50 shades films & now it’s a massive part of her life. She’s only been into the scene for the last year or so & been seeing the dom for the same amount of time as she’s been seeing me. So it really ignited her passion for it " I know women who loved the books and despised the movies and others who had the opposite opinion. I know one who had never read the books but thought the first movie was as hot as hell and arranged ladies nights out around the screenings of the other movies and regretted those as she thought they were dire. | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think " What's happily ever after got to do with it? | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! " She got to try things she wouldn't have is she never met him. If she didn't she'd still be clueless  | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! She got to try things she wouldn't have is she never met him. If she didn't she'd still be clueless "I meant the author. Not the heroine. | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think What's happily ever after got to do with it? " You said she hasn't got a clue...she ended up happy. where/ what is the issue? | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! She got to try things she wouldn't have is she never met him. If she didn't she'd still be clueless
I meant the author. Not the heroine. "It's her representation | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think What's happily ever after got to do with it? You said she hasn't got a clue...she ended up happy. where/ what is the issue?" The author doesn't know about BDSM. She misrepresented it in the books. | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think What's happily ever after got to do with it? You said she hasn't got a clue...she ended up happy. where/ what is the issue? The author doesn't know about BDSM. She misrepresented it in the books. " You know it's a book and not an autobiography | |||
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"BDSM is way more than just sex. Amen to this, sister. It's intensity, passion, incredible trust, honesty, emotional nakedness, vulnerability, strength...sex is an expression of all that. " I loved reading this…yes, all of that and more than I can possibly articulate. E x | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think What's happily ever after got to do with it? You said she hasn't got a clue...she ended up happy. where/ what is the issue? The author doesn't know about BDSM. She misrepresented it in the books. You know it's a book and not an autobiography "Some authors do research so they don't give false information in their books but sure | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think What's happily ever after got to do with it? You said she hasn't got a clue...she ended up happy. where/ what is the issue? The author doesn't know about BDSM. She misrepresented it in the books. You know it's a book and not an autobiography
Some authors do research so they don't give false information in their books but sure "I don't think it was meant to be taken that seriously. It's just a modern day mills and boon to titillate | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. In some ways yes, but they did get people talking about it more and got a few people interested where they wouldn't have done if they hadn't of read the books, let's just hope people do a lot more research before jumping straight into it, OP has the right idea and has asked for advice To be honest, it’s what got her into it. There are people who knock FSOG, but it validated the desires of millions of women. I know a number of women who after reading FSOG decided to satisfy their desires by getting involved in BDSM. It is a romantic tosh, if you look on Amazon there are 100s of books with bdsm themed romantic tosh. There is romantic tosh on every field of human endeavour, does not need to be accurate about say doctors,firemen,pilots,farmers, investment bankers and vampires. Accuracy is not its function. Its function is to stir female heart strings and loins. Just because for some reason strange reason FSOG became popular (I did not get past page 5 the writing is appalling) does not make it accurate on kink. Personally I think it is more the fuss around it and the articles it generated that caused a lot of issues. FSOG was never originally meant or tried to be a kink manual." ^ TV programmes don't depict science just think of some the historical inaccuracies there are in films etc. Nobody watches these and believes them to be accurate. However, they do pique interest in the subject for people to then investigate further. Who in their right minds takes one source of information and decides it's the gospel truth? I think FSOG opened lots of conversations for people, who would have thought BDSM was too weird before the book. | |||
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"It's difficult if things don't come easy for you. With the right person I can be a nasty bitch. I can't do it on demand. I'm naturally passive but I've tied men up; used toys; pegged; flogged etc and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Maybe start off small? " Well I started off with spanking, but could t get my head around hitting her so hard before it did anything for her, hair pulling has been working to a degree & most recently chocking, which she loved but I again had the thought of it hurting her.. Which it wasn’t & that’s what I’ve got to get used to, which is hard when you’ve never done those things before.. We’ve not done anything for almost couple of weeks tho and I don’t think we will until she sees the dom again. So although I’m really keen to be able to get it right, I don’t wanna rush it or put her off. I’ve had some good feedback today tho | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. In some ways yes, but they did get people talking about it more and got a few people interested where they wouldn't have done if they hadn't of read the books, let's just hope people do a lot more research before jumping straight into it, OP has the right idea and has asked for advice To be honest, it’s what got her into it. There are people who knock FSOG, but it validated the desires of millions of women. I know a number of women who after reading FSOG decided to satisfy their desires by getting involved in BDSM. It is a romantic tosh, if you look on Amazon there are 100s of books with bdsm themed romantic tosh. There is romantic tosh on every field of human endeavour, does not need to be accurate about say doctors,firemen,pilots,farmers, investment bankers and vampires. Accuracy is not its function. Its function is to stir female heart strings and loins. Just because for some reason strange reason FSOG became popular (I did not get past page 5 the writing is appalling) does not make it accurate on kink. Personally I think it is more the fuss around it and the articles it generated that caused a lot of issues. FSOG was never originally meant or tried to be a kink manual. ^ TV programmes don't depict science just think of some the historical inaccuracies there are in films etc. Nobody watches these and believes them to be accurate. However, they do pique interest in the subject for people to then investigate further. Who in their right minds takes one source of information and decides it's the gospel truth? I think FSOG opened lots of conversations for people, who would have thought BDSM was too weird before the book. " | |||
"It's difficult if things don't come easy for you. With the right person I can be a nasty bitch. I can't do it on demand. I'm naturally passive but I've tied men up; used toys; pegged; flogged etc and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Maybe start off small? Well I started off with spanking, but could t get my head around hitting her so hard before it did anything for her, hair pulling has been working to a degree & most recently chocking, which she loved but I again had the thought of it hurting her.. Which it wasn’t & that’s what I’ve got to get used to, which is hard when you’ve never done those things before.. We’ve not done anything for almost couple of weeks tho and I don’t think we will until she sees the dom again. So although I’m really keen to be able to get it right, I don’t wanna rush it or put her off. I’ve had some good feedback today tho " Remember that you have to enjoy it too. | |||
"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K" That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think What's happily ever after got to do with it? You said she hasn't got a clue...she ended up happy. where/ what is the issue? The author doesn't know about BDSM. She misrepresented it in the books. You know it's a book and not an autobiography
Some authors do research so they don't give false information in their books but sure
I don't think it was meant to be taken that seriously. It's just a modern day mills and boon to titillate"It's an erotic book read by 100 million people which glamourises BDSM and bypasses it's cornerstones of consent and communication. Read by many teenage girls and boys. I'd say it's fucking irresponsible but clearly I am alone in this. | |||
"It's difficult if things don't come easy for you. With the right person I can be a nasty bitch. I can't do it on demand. I'm naturally passive but I've tied men up; used toys; pegged; flogged etc and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Maybe start off small? Well I started off with spanking, but could t get my head around hitting her so hard before it did anything for her, hair pulling has been working to a degree & most recently chocking, which she loved but I again had the thought of it hurting her.. Which it wasn’t & that’s what I’ve got to get used to, which is hard when you’ve never done those things before.. We’ve not done anything for almost couple of weeks tho and I don’t think we will until she sees the dom again. So although I’m really keen to be able to get it right, I don’t wanna rush it or put her off. I’ve had some good feedback today tho Remember that you have to enjoy it too." Yeah of course. I know that, it’s hard to enjoy it when you know your partner isn’t, that’s why if I can get it right for her it will naturally bring me more enjoyment as well | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think What's happily ever after got to do with it? You said she hasn't got a clue...she ended up happy. where/ what is the issue? The author doesn't know about BDSM. She misrepresented it in the books. You know it's a book and not an autobiography
Some authors do research so they don't give false information in their books but sure
I don't think it was meant to be taken that seriously. It's just a modern day mills and boon to titillate
It's an erotic book read by 100 million people which glamourises BDSM and bypasses it's cornerstones of consent and communication. Read by many teenage girls and boys. I'd say it's fucking irresponsible but clearly I am alone in this. "I'd be more concerned about kink toc etc than a book to be honest, with teenagers. That's their source of entertainment not books. | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think What's happily ever after got to do with it? You said she hasn't got a clue...she ended up happy. where/ what is the issue? The author doesn't know about BDSM. She misrepresented it in the books. You know it's a book and not an autobiography
Some authors do research so they don't give false information in their books but sure
I don't think it was meant to be taken that seriously. It's just a modern day mills and boon to titillate
It's an erotic book read by 100 million people which glamourises BDSM and bypasses it's cornerstones of consent and communication. Read by many teenage girls and boys. I'd say it's fucking irresponsible but clearly I am alone in this. "You can't be serious, when has accuracy been the foundation of romantic novels. Once people pull out the protection of children argument, in my books you have lost the debate. It is the same response which is the basis of banning of books at schools and libraries in America. The issue in regard to teenagers is the unwillingness of parents to permit the discussion of sex and all that goes with it (including consent) with teenagers and the limited sex education at schools. Are you going to criticise every adult book that could give teenagers the wrong idea of the real world! You can accuse FSOG of being drivel, and being badly written. You can't seriously blame FSOG for leading teenagers astray. | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. Were they? Because they were certainly popular They misrepresented BDSM appallingly. The woman hasn't got a clue! In what way? She got her happily ever after in the books, I think What's happily ever after got to do with it? You said she hasn't got a clue...she ended up happy. where/ what is the issue? The author doesn't know about BDSM. She misrepresented it in the books. You know it's a book and not an autobiography
Some authors do research so they don't give false information in their books but sure
I don't think it was meant to be taken that seriously. It's just a modern day mills and boon to titillate
It's an erotic book read by 100 million people which glamourises BDSM and bypasses it's cornerstones of consent and communication. Read by many teenage girls and boys. I'd say it's fucking irresponsible but clearly I am alone in this.
You can't be serious, when has accuracy been the foundation of romantic novels.
Once people pull out the protection of children argument, in my books you have lost the debate.
It is the same response which is the basis of banning of books at schools and libraries in America.
The issue in regard to teenagers is the unwillingness of parents to permit the discussion of sex and all that goes with it (including consent) with teenagers and the limited sex education at schools.
Are you going to criticise every adult book that could give teenagers the wrong idea of the real world!
You can accuse FSOG of being drivel, and being badly written.
You can't seriously blame FSOG for leading teenagers astray.
"It's badly written, irresponsible drivel. The author didn't just write one book, she wrote three and had control over the direction of the films. As a parent of teens, I am all too willing to discuss sex, porn and consent with them and I do regularly. At no point did I suggest banning anything. I said the author is irresponsible and has misrepresented BDSM. I stand by that - you've put words in my mouth to suggest I've said otherwise. I have a great deal of time for your BDSM views - but I guess we disagree on this. | |||
"Also ...don't aim to be Christian Grey. That's an immediate turn off for me. Lord, yes. Those books were the single worst thing to ever happen to BDSM. In some ways yes, but they did get people talking about it more and got a few people interested where they wouldn't have done if they hadn't of read the books, let's just hope people do a lot more research before jumping straight into it, OP has the right idea and has asked for advice To be honest, it’s what got her into it. There are people who knock FSOG, but it validated the desires of millions of women. I know a number of women who after reading FSOG decided to satisfy their desires by getting involved in BDSM. It is a romantic tosh, if you look on Amazon there are 100s of books with bdsm themed romantic tosh. There is romantic tosh on every field of human endeavour, does not need to be accurate about say doctors,firemen,pilots,farmers, investment bankers and vampires. Accuracy is not its function. Its function is to stir female heart strings and loins. Just because for some reason strange reason FSOG became popular (I did not get past page 5 the writing is appalling) does not make it accurate on kink. Personally I think it is more the fuss around it and the articles it generated that caused a lot of issues. FSOG was never originally meant or tried to be a kink manual." | |||
"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs " Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you. | |||
"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you. "Yeah she said it’s boring  | |||
"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring "Have you asked her what she wants you to do? As other people have said, don't change who you are to please someone else. You both need to be happy. | |||
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"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you. "She wants kinky stuff from me but also wants the proper stuff from the dom | |||
"Just get another she sounds hard work.." lol maybe but she’s worth it.. | |||
"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring
Have you asked her what she wants you to do?
As other people have said, don't change who you are to please someone else. You both need to be happy."Yeah and I try but obviously can’t compete with a dom, so it never satisfies her. That’s why I wanna learn some things that maybe they don’t do to add the spice I need to give her. | |||
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"Just get another she sounds hard work.. lol maybe but she’s worth it.." Only if they feel the same for you and will to meet somewhere in the middle 1 person changing everything is never enough. | |||
"Just get another she sounds hard work.."
Hate to break it to you but her dom probably has years and years of experience. Most doms are naturally dom, forcing it never works and is always obvious. Just sounds like you aren’t compatible! | |||
"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring "I'll be honest and say I would be absolutely gutted if someone I was seeing, and cared about said our sex life was boring I'd find it incredibly upsetting, and it would absolutely dent my confidence. I'm not surprised you're not feeling it during play when you've got that in your head | |||
"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring
I'll be honest and say I would be absolutely gutted if someone I was seeing, and cared about said our sex life was boring I'd find it incredibly upsetting, and it would absolutely dent my confidence. I'm not surprised you're not feeling it during play when you've got that in your head "Yeah I was devastated to be honest. That’s why I’m trying to get help to sort it out | |||
"Just get another she sounds hard work..
Hate to break it to you but her dom probably has years and years of experience. Most doms are naturally dom, forcing it never works and is always obvious. Just sounds like you aren’t compatible! "Yeah I bet that, I’m not expecting to get anywhere near his level & know I can’t compete with him, I just want to be able to bring something to the table that will be along the lines of what she wants | |||
"Just get another she sounds hard work..
Hate to break it to you but her dom probably has years and years of experience. Most doms are naturally dom, forcing it never works and is always obvious. Just sounds like you aren’t compatible!
Yeah I bet that, I’m not expecting to get anywhere near his level & know I can’t compete with him, I just want to be able to bring something to the table that will be along the lines of what she wants "Nobody here can help you with that, you need to talk to her and be honest! | |||
"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring
I'll be honest and say I would be absolutely gutted if someone I was seeing, and cared about said our sex life was boring I'd find it incredibly upsetting, and it would absolutely dent my confidence. I'm not surprised you're not feeling it during play when you've got that in your head
Yeah I was devastated to be honest.
That’s why I’m trying to get help to sort it out"And what is she doing to improve things? | |||
"Just get another she sounds hard work..
Hate to break it to you but her dom probably has years and years of experience. Most doms are naturally dom, forcing it never works and is always obvious. Just sounds like you aren’t compatible!
Yeah I bet that, I’m not expecting to get anywhere near his level & know I can’t compete with him, I just want to be able to bring something to the table that will be along the lines of what she wants
Nobody here can help you with that, you need to talk to her and be honest! "I’ve had some good advice on here tho, Sadly the likelihood of me actually being able to do what I want, is probably very slim. But I need to try, we have spoke about it & that’s where this desire to be able to fully satisfy her has come from. | |||
"Be you…don’t try and be someone else or change to try and be someone you aren’t. You’ve already said she can see you trying but it’s not hitting the spot. So continuing to do that will just result in her resenting play further. Work on re-connecting with her in your way - but sometimes people develop different interests and the old feelings can’t be replicated. K That’s actually really accurate, I think that’s what’s happened & why she’s now bored with our sexlife sadly.. That’s why I’m really trying to re ignite it by doing something that I know she likes & needs Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring
I'll be honest and say I would be absolutely gutted if someone I was seeing, and cared about said our sex life was boring I'd find it incredibly upsetting, and it would absolutely dent my confidence. I'm not surprised you're not feeling it during play when you've got that in your head
Yeah I was devastated to be honest.
That’s why I’m trying to get help to sort it out
And what is she doing to improve things? "Errr… Well nothing really! | |||
| |||
"Do you think it is actually your company she is bored of and she is using sex as an excuse ?" No, I think it’s the opposite. She loves my company, all the mundane stuff, the usual couple things to do, films on the sofa, shopping, out to lunch & dinner ect… If I’m being honest, I think that’s all she wants from me & she would be happy to just have the dom for anything sexual. Actually writing that down has made me realise, this is gonna be really difficult to turn around | |||
| |||
" Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring
I'll be honest and say I would be absolutely gutted if someone I was seeing, and cared about said our sex life was boring I'd find it incredibly upsetting, and it would absolutely dent my confidence. I'm not surprised you're not feeling it during play when you've got that in your head
Yeah I was devastated to be honest.
That’s why I’m trying to get help to sort it out
And what is she doing to improve things?
Errr…
Well nothing really!"And that's what we are trying to say to you - put your needs first and find someone that matches those needs... You shouldn't need to change to become someone /something that you are not (i was alarmed reading of your response to spanking etc... Honestly you will do yourself more mental harm if it is just not your scene) . And that's fine, there is no one size fits all... But i think you need to draw a line and look for someone who enhances what you want | |||
"Do you think it is actually your company she is bored of and she is using sex as an excuse ? No, I think it’s the opposite. She loves my company, all the mundane stuff, the usual couple things to do, films on the sofa, shopping, out to lunch & dinner ect… If I’m being honest, I think that’s all she wants from me & she would be happy to just have the dom for anything sexual. Actually writing that down has made me realise, this is gonna be really difficult to turn around " Please. You deserve more than this in a relationship.  | |||
"Do you think it is actually your company she is bored of and she is using sex as an excuse ? No, I think it’s the opposite. She loves my company, all the mundane stuff, the usual couple things to do, films on the sofa, shopping, out to lunch & dinner ect… If I’m being honest, I think that’s all she wants from me & she would be happy to just have the dom for anything sexual. Actually writing that down has made me realise, this is gonna be really difficult to turn around " Would you be happy with this kind of relationship? She could have her Dom and you could have a FWB or similar. You would be a couple but with a different kind of (or no) sex. | |||
" Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring
I'll be honest and say I would be absolutely gutted if someone I was seeing, and cared about said our sex life was boring I'd find it incredibly upsetting, and it would absolutely dent my confidence. I'm not surprised you're not feeling it during play when you've got that in your head
Yeah I was devastated to be honest.
That’s why I’m trying to get help to sort it out
And what is she doing to improve things?
Errr…
Well nothing really!
And that's what we are trying to say to you - put your needs first and find someone that matches those needs... You shouldn't need to change to become someone /something that you are not (i was alarmed reading of your response to spanking etc... Honestly you will do yourself more mental harm if it is just not your scene) . And that's fine, there is no one size fits all... But i think you need to draw a line and look for someone who enhances what you want "Well yeah maybe.. I was being harsh when I said she isn’t doing anything, that’s not right, she is trying to guide me to do certain things, it’s gotta be hard for her as well, having to say what to do, but I’m gradually getting there, maybe! I think if it’s meant to be, we'll both start to get more from it, if it’s not, then maybe you are right. I’m not giving up yet | |||
"Do you think it is actually your company she is bored of and she is using sex as an excuse ? No, I think it’s the opposite. She loves my company, all the mundane stuff, the usual couple things to do, films on the sofa, shopping, out to lunch & dinner ect… If I’m being honest, I think that’s all she wants from me & she would be happy to just have the dom for anything sexual. Actually writing that down has made me realise, this is gonna be really difficult to turn around Would you be happy with this kind of relationship? She could have her Dom and you could have a FWB or similar. You would be a couple but with a different kind of (or no) sex." To be honest, no I wouldn’t, I’d feel pretty useless. So I’m hoping it won’t come to that, but who knows | |||
" Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring
I'll be honest and say I would be absolutely gutted if someone I was seeing, and cared about said our sex life was boring I'd find it incredibly upsetting, and it would absolutely dent my confidence. I'm not surprised you're not feeling it during play when you've got that in your head
Yeah I was devastated to be honest.
That’s why I’m trying to get help to sort it out
And what is she doing to improve things?
Errr…
Well nothing really!
And that's what we are trying to say to you - put your needs first and find someone that matches those needs... You shouldn't need to change to become someone /something that you are not (i was alarmed reading of your response to spanking etc... Honestly you will do yourself more mental harm if it is just not your scene) . And that's fine, there is no one size fits all... But i think you need to draw a line and look for someone who enhances what you want
Well yeah maybe..
I was being harsh when I said she isn’t doing anything, that’s not right, she is trying to guide me to do certain things, it’s gotta be hard for her as well, having to say what to do, but I’m gradually getting there, maybe!
I think if it’s meant to be, we'll both start to get more from it, if it’s not, then maybe you are right.
I’m not giving up yet "Sounds like she's at least trying. Good luck.  xx | |||
" Has she said she's bored with your sex life? She might get all the BDSM stuff she needs from him, but she may need/ want other things from you.
Yeah she said it’s boring
I'll be honest and say I would be absolutely gutted if someone I was seeing, and cared about said our sex life was boring I'd find it incredibly upsetting, and it would absolutely dent my confidence. I'm not surprised you're not feeling it during play when you've got that in your head
Yeah I was devastated to be honest.
That’s why I’m trying to get help to sort it out
And what is she doing to improve things?
Errr…
Well nothing really!
And that's what we are trying to say to you - put your needs first and find someone that matches those needs... You shouldn't need to change to become someone /something that you are not (i was alarmed reading of your response to spanking etc... Honestly you will do yourself more mental harm if it is just not your scene) . And that's fine, there is no one size fits all... But i think you need to draw a line and look for someone who enhances what you want
Well yeah maybe..
I was being harsh when I said she isn’t doing anything, that’s not right, she is trying to guide me to do certain things, it’s gotta be hard for her as well, having to say what to do, but I’m gradually getting there, maybe!
I think if it’s meant to be, we'll both start to get more from it, if it’s not, then maybe you are right.
I’m not giving up yet
Sounds like she's at least trying. Good luck. xx"Thank you | |||
x | |||
"Why doesn't she just see the Dom guy more? Also, you're either naturally that or not. " Domination is in you. You can be taught bdsm but to be a natural dom you cannot. John is naturally dominant and i submit to him as the chemistry and dom aurafrim him are natural. My ex hubby thought he was a dom but since with john i now see some men are just naturals and others are pretend doms. If you had been with both you would have an understanding of what i am talking about. | |||
"Thanks to everyone that commented on here, There was a few of you that suggested we wasn’t compatible & sadly that’s been proved. It was good for a while, but ultimately we want different things, it was a fun ride & I think we both maybe got something out of it. The lesson is don’t be afraid to try new things, they won’t always pan out, but never say never. Happy fabbing party people x"Sorry to hear that OP. Hope you'll find someone more compatible next time | |||
"Why doesn't she just see the Dom guy more? Also, you're either naturally that or not. Domination is in you. You can be taught bdsm but to be a natural dom you cannot. John is naturally dominant and i submit to him as the chemistry and dom aurafrim him are natural. My ex hubby thought he was a dom but since with john i now see some men are just naturals and others are pretend doms. If you had been with both you would have an understanding of what i am talking about. " Completely agee, playing at being a dom doesn’t work if your other half is used to seeing an established dom who it just comes naturally to. I think had we both been beginners, we would’ve been ok as we would’ve both been on the same learning curve. Just wasn’t meant to be. I’ve picked up a few things tho lol.. Just need to be with someone on my level is all | |||
"Thanks to everyone that commented on here, There was a few of you that suggested we wasn’t compatible & sadly that’s been proved. It was good for a while, but ultimately we want different things, it was a fun ride & I think we both maybe got something out of it. The lesson is don’t be afraid to try new things, they won’t always pan out, but never say never. Happy fabbing party people x
Sorry to hear that OP. Hope you'll find someone more compatible next time "Thank you | |||
"Thanks to everyone that commented on here, There was a few of you that suggested we wasn’t compatible & sadly that’s been proved. It was good for a while, but ultimately we want different things, it was a fun ride & I think we both maybe got something out of it. The lesson is don’t be afraid to try new things, they won’t always pan out, but never say never. Happy fabbing party people x"I love the lesson you took from that
The positivity is brilliant as so many people would find a negative in your position | |||
"Thanks to everyone that commented on here, There was a few of you that suggested we wasn’t compatible & sadly that’s been proved. It was good for a while, but ultimately we want different things, it was a fun ride & I think we both maybe got something out of it. The lesson is don’t be afraid to try new things, they won’t always pan out, but never say never. Happy fabbing party people x
I love the lesson you took from that
The positivity is brilliant as so many people would find a negative in your position "I always try & find a positive in everything. Feeling sorry for yourself & going into a dark place, won’t change what happens, will just make you feel worse! Thank you | |||
"Why doesn't she just see the Dom guy more? Also, you're either naturally that or not. Domination is in you. You can be taught bdsm but to be a natural dom you cannot. John is naturally dominant and i submit to him as the chemistry and dom aurafrim him are natural. My ex hubby thought he was a dom but since with john i now see some men are just naturals and others are pretend doms. If you had been with both you would have an understanding of what i am talking about. " I would suggest that you are referring to being 'dominant' as an adjective and not 'a dominant' as a noun. I would suggest, as you found, the right dominant is a matter of the right chemistry. There are so many different aspects to being the right dominant for a particular submissive. | |||
"Thanks to everyone that commented on here, There was a few of you that suggested we wasn’t compatible & sadly that’s been proved. It was good for a while, but ultimately we want different things, it was a fun ride & I think we both maybe got something out of it. The lesson is don’t be afraid to try new things, they won’t always pan out, but never say never. Happy fabbing party people x
I love the lesson you took from that
The positivity is brilliant as so many people would find a negative in your position
I always try & find a positive in everything.
Feeling sorry for yourself & going into a dark place, won’t change what happens, will just make you feel worse!
Thank you"Good luck for the future. x | |||
"Thanks to everyone that commented on here, There was a few of you that suggested we wasn’t compatible & sadly that’s been proved. It was good for a while, but ultimately we want different things, it was a fun ride & I think we both maybe got something out of it. The lesson is don’t be afraid to try new things, they won’t always pan out, but never say never. Happy fabbing party people x
I love the lesson you took from that
The positivity is brilliant as so many people would find a negative in your position
I always try & find a positive in everything.
Feeling sorry for yourself & going into a dark place, won’t change what happens, will just make you feel worse!
Thank you
Good luck for the future. x"Thank you | |||
| |||
"Do you think it is actually your company she is bored of and she is using sex as an excuse ? No, I think it’s the opposite. She loves my company, all the mundane stuff, the usual couple things to do, films on the sofa, shopping, out to lunch & dinner ect… If I’m being honest, I think that’s all she wants from me & she would be happy to just have the dom for anything sexual. Actually writing that down has made me realise, this is gonna be really difficult to turn around " This may sound unkind - but- What you have just said makes me think that she is just using you to pass the time. She can only see her Dom once or twice a month and he isn’t interested in her away from playtime. She’s using you, especially if you are paying for everything. You’re not in a relationship - just end it with her and try and find someone you are a better fit with. | |||
"Do you think it is actually your company she is bored of and she is using sex as an excuse ? No, I think it’s the opposite. She loves my company, all the mundane stuff, the usual couple things to do, films on the sofa, shopping, out to lunch & dinner ect… If I’m being honest, I think that’s all she wants from me & she would be happy to just have the dom for anything sexual. Actually writing that down has made me realise, this is gonna be really difficult to turn around This may sound unkind - but- What you have just said makes me think that she is just using you to pass the time. She can only see her Dom once or twice a month and he isn’t interested in her away from playtime. She’s using you, especially if you are paying for everything. You’re not in a relationship - just end it with her and try and find someone you are a better fit with." Truth hurts sometimes doesn’t it Thanks | |||
"Yes, so much good luck,OP. You've done everything you possibly could for someone you obviously care deeply about, and you've accepted it wasn't to be with good grace and positivity. That already makes your next partner a lucky woman." Thank you | |||
"Thing is she may now have you compartmentalised as vanilla. So no matter what you try might not work. And it can be hard on you trying to be dominant, assertive or forceful with her if you don’t have that in you. It’s not a fault, we all have our limits. I don’t want you losing yourself to keep her. If that makes sense? she does want me to be more dom tho, she’s not happy with the vanilla side of our sex life anymore & that’s where the issue & needing to change comes from " Almost all men are more dangerous than any woman. If she has mentally boxed you you need to break the frame, but she's got to understand this is not a roleplay or costume drama, those are different again. As you said, you've treated her right by your lights but if she wants to see the other side to you, she has to actually accept a real loss of control to be blunt there is a magic hour (COMMUNICATE) or setting where you have full use of her against anything she might articulate besides a safeword, she can't go then and complain her hubby buggered her up the arse and slapped her around. I'd gear up with some manly activities to get your blood up, and then have possession of her, if she's wants pain you need to plan out how to hurt her, I wouldn't talk to her in scene unless she likes that included, it's more primal than that. It is seriously a problem how many women don't articulate their wants, leaving it all to the guy is preposterous. That said sex is mostly tacit in nature so it is tricky. Chatterbox with a million rules doesn't work either. Most important is to break the frame. Lose weight, grow beard, develop hard edge to voice, choose how to hurt her, plenty you can research here. I'd use a smybol, e.g. don black leather gloves, you can still be good to hear, but she wants two personas I reckon. Don't tell anybody but maybe this is a place to record her opt in for this, there are some confused women out there. I've given a woman psychic whiplash over a similar request, she got an education on her real physical weaknesses and updated her priors. Modern women have no idea how dangerous a man can be, most men they meet haven't so much as been in a fistfight. Probably a lot of women want playing at domination, but the fact is almost any man can take any woman, we are miles stronger. Remember as this shouldn't devolve into abuse. I once picked up my granddad beating my grandmother to fling him outside, my mother had to clean his bootmarks off the ceiling. That's not the way, don't let her sublimate. She just wants to know you are capable of defending her so her instinct is for strength. If she isn't able to disambiguate between magic hour and domestic life you might have a real problem on your hands, not all women have formalized their needs belong to them in the way F has it, it's on them to unbundle this. | |||
 | |||
"Thing is she may now have you compartmentalised as vanilla. So no matter what you try might not work. And it can be hard on you trying to be dominant, assertive or forceful with her if you don’t have that in you. It’s not a fault, we all have our limits. I don’t want you losing yourself to keep her. If that makes sense? she does want me to be more dom tho, she’s not happy with the vanilla side of our sex life anymore & that’s where the issue & needing to change comes from Almost all men are more dangerous than any woman. If she has mentally boxed you you need to break the frame, but she's got to understand this is not a roleplay or costume drama, those are different again. As you said, you've treated her right by your lights but if she wants to see the other side to you, she has to actually accept a real loss of control to be blunt there is a magic hour (COMMUNICATE) or setting where you have full use of her against anything she might articulate besides a safeword, she can't go then and complain her hubby buggered her up the arse and slapped her around. I'd gear up with some manly activities to get your blood up, and then have possession of her, if she's wants pain you need to plan out how to hurt her, I wouldn't talk to her in scene unless she likes that included, it's more primal than that. It is seriously a problem how many women don't articulate their wants, leaving it all to the guy is preposterous. That said sex is mostly tacit in nature so it is tricky. Chatterbox with a million rules doesn't work either. Most important is to break the frame. Lose weight, grow beard, develop hard edge to voice, choose how to hurt her, plenty you can research here. I'd use a smybol, e.g. don black leather gloves, you can still be good to hear, but she wants two personas I reckon. Don't tell anybody but maybe this is a place to record her opt in for this, there are some confused women out there. I've given a woman psychic whiplash over a similar request, she got an education on her real physical weaknesses and updated her priors. Modern women have no idea how dangerous a man can be, most men they meet haven't so much as been in a fistfight. Probably a lot of women want playing at domination, but the fact is almost any man can take any woman, we are miles stronger. Remember as this shouldn't devolve into abuse. I once picked up my granddad beating my grandmother to fling him outside, my mother had to clean his bootmarks off the ceiling. That's not the way, don't let her sublimate. She just wants to know you are capable of defending her so her instinct is for strength. If she isn't able to disambiguate between magic hour and domestic life you might have a real problem on your hands, not all women have formalized their needs belong to them in the way F has it, it's on them to unbundle this." Not really me tho that, a little dark for me, happy days I that’s your thing. But not a road I’d be happy walking. Thanks for input tho | |||
| |||
"Please OP, whatever you do, make informed choices and please, don’t listen to internet randoms that sound like ab users and r pists… "I may be a rookie In this world & looking for advice, but there are lines that won’t be crossed. Thanks | |||
"Please OP, whatever you do, make informed choices and please, don’t listen to internet randoms that sound like ab users and r pists…
I may be a rookie In this world & looking for advice, but there are lines that won’t be crossed.
Thanks "You already have advantage there. Honestly glad to read there are sensible men | |||
"Please OP, whatever you do, make informed choices and please, don’t listen to internet randoms that sound like ab users and r pists…
I may be a rookie In this world & looking for advice, but there are lines that won’t be crossed.
Thanks
You already have advantage there. Honestly glad to read there are sensible men "
| |||
"Yeah, that's dark, Jack "I take back nothing - this is what is real. I bow to consent - men shouldn't prey on the weak because they can or take advantage of females with low self awareness but you don't have to scratch a man hard to uncover a ruthless streak. Women should want your men strong though, if you neuter us psychologically we won't be able to defend you from other men. | |||
"Please OP, whatever you do, make informed choices and please, don’t listen to internet randoms that sound like ab users and r pists… "Or speed readers! 
I have not metaphorically protected women. You're not going to another woman if a man attacks you - sorry.
You know what you'd do if a man hurt you against your will?
You'd go to the police.
The police are literally a larger force...
The people in our society have become weakminded people who interpret people defending themselves as a greater threat to the status quo than violent criminals - I don't mean you actually - I was just reading this frustrating article here: https://www.irishtimes.com/crime-law/courts/2022/10/26/youth-who-stabbed-home-intruder-jailed-for-three-and-a-half-years/
I guarantee you most non-emasculated men and police believe he should have walked free. The judge says the assailant didn't have a weapon yet it says right there in black and white a rock was used to break the window. You know what? The first murder in our mythology was Cain & Abel - and that was a rock.
Our society is getting exceeding hypocritical on masculine nature.
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"Do you think it is actually your company she is bored of and she is using sex as an excuse ? No, I think it’s the opposite. She loves my company, all the mundane stuff, the usual couple things to do, films on the sofa, shopping, out to lunch & dinner ect… If I’m being honest, I think that’s all she wants from me & she would be happy to just have the dom for anything sexual. Actually writing that down has made me realise, this is gonna be really difficult to turn around This may sound unkind - but- What you have just said makes me think that she is just using you to pass the time. She can only see her Dom once or twice a month and he isn’t interested in her away from playtime. She’s using you, especially if you are paying for everything. You’re not in a relationship - just end it with her and try and find someone you are a better fit with. Truth hurts sometimes doesn’t it Thanks " Yes it does - but at least you tried to make her happy. | |||
"Yeah, that's dark, Jack
I take back nothing - this is what is real. I bow to consent - men shouldn't prey on the weak because they can or take advantage of females with low self awareness but you don't have to scratch a man hard to uncover a ruthless streak.
Women should want your men strong though, if you neuter us psychologically we won't be able to defend you from other men."Have you just woken up from 200 years ago - or watching too much tv drama? | |||
"Need to change my sexual preferences and looking for help to do that. I’m keen to learn about bdsm, I’ve met someone & this is there thing. She’s now bored with the normal sex, this has been ok for 9 or so months, well it’s been great for me! But I’ve recently found out it’s been slowly getting to the point where she doesn’t enjoy it & is only doing it for me. I want her to have the same thrill as me whenever we have sex, so I need to up my game to a level which will have her as excited and cumming as hard as she was when we first met.. I’ve tried a few things and it’s not worked. She sees a dom once, sometimes twice a month & when she does she is fully satisfied and squirts like she used to with me. I want to be able to give her the same satisfaction & feelings as he doe Is there anyone that could offer a bit of a beginners class to me one or two Monday afternoons a month? I’m very eager to learn & any help will be greatly appreciated. Nobody wants to be a boring fuck!!I think I'd take the hint and move on, sex is sex if somebody gets fed up with it in 9 months that's the person not you, just find somebody who enjoys what you do
The thing is, she says that in every other way, I tick all the boxes.
So I was trying to tick this one as well, it may be fantasy on my part, but she’s worth at least trying to adapt to this part of her, if I can get it right & she’s happy with this then great.
If I still can’t tick that box, atleast I will know I did everything that I could to make it work & wouldn’t have the…if only I’d tried… thought hanging over me"look its good you're trying to adapt but you're trying to adapt to her, in my experience if they say they're bored with sex after 9 months that's not good for your future, maybe see how your changes work out, anyways good luck | |||
"Women should want your men strong though, if you neuter us psychologically we won't be able to defend you from other men."
Women "should," should they?
Do you need a cuddle, Jack? | |||
"Women should want your men strong though, if you neuter us psychologically we won't be able to defend you from other men.
Women "should," should they?
Do you need a cuddle, Jack? "He's far too Alpha for that nonsense. He's got a mammoth to flay before Steak Night. | |||
"Yeah, that's dark, Jack
I take back nothing - this is what is real. I bow to consent - men shouldn't prey on the weak because they can or take advantage of females with low self awareness but you don't have to scratch a man hard to uncover a ruthless streak.
Women should want your men strong though, if you neuter us psychologically we won't be able to defend you from other men.
Have you just woken up from 200 years ago - or watching too much tv drama? "I don't watch television Louisa, it says so on my Tinder profile. Our society sans the idiot box could have suffered a limited nuclear strike and we'd have been better off - vs the world we live in where the average person watches 5-6 hours of television a day. I must admit I should handle my internet use better, that is heading into the mediocre zone and occupying too much time too. | |||
"Women should want your men strong though, if you neuter us psychologically we won't be able to defend you from other men.
Women "should," should they?
Do you need a cuddle, Jack?
He's far too Alpha for that nonsense. He's got a mammoth to flay before Steak Night."Elephant makes a good point there. | |||
"Women should want your men strong though, if you neuter us psychologically we won't be able to defend you from other men.
Women "should," should they?
Do you need a cuddle, Jack?
He's far too Alpha for that nonsense. He's got a mammoth to flay before Steak Night."You’re on a strike aren’t you? I have to love your wit
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"Thing is she may now have you compartmentalised as vanilla. So no matter what you try might not work. And it can be hard on you trying to be dominant, assertive or forceful with her if you don’t have that in you. It’s not a fault, we all have our limits. I don’t want you losing yourself to keep her. If that makes sense? she does want me to be more dom tho, she’s not happy with the vanilla side of our sex life anymore & that’s where the issue & needing to change comes from Almost all men are more dangerous than any woman. If she has mentally boxed you you need to break the frame, but she's got to understand this is not a roleplay or costume drama, those are different again. As you said, you've treated her right by your lights but if she wants to see the other side to you, she has to actually accept a real loss of control to be blunt there is a magic hour (COMMUNICATE) or setting where you have full use of her against anything she might articulate besides a safeword, she can't go then and complain her hubby buggered her up the arse and slapped her around. I'd gear up with some manly activities to get your blood up, and then have possession of her, if she's wants pain you need to plan out how to hurt her, I wouldn't talk to her in scene unless she likes that included, it's more primal than that. It is seriously a problem how many women don't articulate their wants, leaving it all to the guy is preposterous. That said sex is mostly tacit in nature so it is tricky. Chatterbox with a million rules doesn't work either. Most important is to break the frame. Lose weight, grow beard, develop hard edge to voice, choose how to hurt her, plenty you can research here. I'd use a smybol, e.g. don black leather gloves, you can still be good to hear, but she wants two personas I reckon. Don't tell anybody but maybe this is a place to record her opt in for this, there are some confused women out there. I've given a woman psychic whiplash over a similar request, she got an education on her real physical weaknesses and updated her priors. Modern women have no idea how dangerous a man can be, most men they meet haven't so much as been in a fistfight. Probably a lot of women want playing at domination, but the fact is almost any man can take any woman, we are miles stronger. Remember as this shouldn't devolve into abuse. I once picked up my granddad beating my grandmother to fling him outside, my mother had to clean his bootmarks off the ceiling. That's not the way, don't let her sublimate. She just wants to know you are capable of defending her so her instinct is for strength. If she isn't able to disambiguate between magic hour and domestic life you might have a real problem on your hands, not all women have formalized their needs belong to them in the way F has it, it's on them to unbundle this." I genuinely can't work our if this is an hilarious parody of Alpha Dims or utterly, utterly terrifyingly serious! | |||
"Thing is she may now have you compartmentalised as vanilla. So no matter what you try might not work. And it can be hard on you trying to be dominant, assertive or forceful with her if you don’t have that in you. It’s not a fault, we all have our limits. I don’t want you losing yourself to keep her. If that makes sense? she does want me to be more dom tho, she’s not happy with the vanilla side of our sex life anymore & that’s where the issue & needing to change comes from Almost all men are more dangerous than any woman. If she has mentally boxed you you need to break the frame, but she's got to understand this is not a roleplay or costume drama, those are different again. As you said, you've treated her right by your lights but if she wants to see the other side to you, she has to actually accept a real loss of control to be blunt there is a magic hour (COMMUNICATE) or setting where you have full use of her against anything she might articulate besides a safeword, she can't go then and complain her hubby buggered her up the arse and slapped her around. I'd gear up with some manly activities to get your blood up, and then have possession of her, if she's wants pain you need to plan out how to hurt her, I wouldn't talk to her in scene unless she likes that included, it's more primal than that. It is seriously a problem how many women don't articulate their wants, leaving it all to the guy is preposterous. That said sex is mostly tacit in nature so it is tricky. Chatterbox with a million rules doesn't work either. Most important is to break the frame. Lose weight, grow beard, develop hard edge to voice, choose how to hurt her, plenty you can research here. I'd use a smybol, e.g. don black leather gloves, you can still be good to hear, but she wants two personas I reckon. Don't tell anybody but maybe this is a place to record her opt in for this, there are some confused women out there. I've given a woman psychic whiplash over a similar request, she got an education on her real physical weaknesses and updated her priors. Modern women have no idea how dangerous a man can be, most men they meet haven't so much as been in a fistfight. Probably a lot of women want playing at domination, but the fact is almost any man can take any woman, we are miles stronger. Remember as this shouldn't devolve into abuse. I once picked up my granddad beating my grandmother to fling him outside, my mother had to clean his bootmarks off the ceiling. That's not the way, don't let her sublimate. She just wants to know you are capable of defending her so her instinct is for strength. If she isn't able to disambiguate between magic hour and domestic life you might have a real problem on your hands, not all women have formalized their needs belong to them in the way F has it, it's on them to unbundle this. I genuinely can't work our if this is an hilarious parody of Alpha Dims or utterly, utterly terrifyingly serious! "Terrifyingly serious I’m afraid, read through other threads…this place is getting awfully scary | |||
