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"Your inbox must be busy..."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's an opening.
Fab has some weird obsession with a first mail needing to be some great work of literature.
Obviously if you have no interest then you have no interest. I just never get the need to read so much into people's first messages |
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done "
•
Because they like to present their findings from the University of The Bleedin' Obvious.
Of course they offer little empirical data and thus default to sending unimaginative messages.
At least, that's my theory anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yup, just one of the fascinating stock phrases.
Along with ‘do the cuffs match the collar?’
‘How are you finding fab’
And blah blah blahdy blah
It’s an incredible relief finding people who put some effort in. Just can’t respond to every single one  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What was it, 94% or so of messages on certain sites are guys vs girls?
Something like that it was reported on mainstream dating sites.
It's far from easy for a guy to stand out
with such an interesting ratio.
You're bound to get a few duplicate line's of enquiry here and there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done "
Do you have a busy inbox though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done "
What would you like them to ask instead?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yup, just one of the fascinating stock phrases.
Along with ‘do the cuffs match the collar?’
‘How are you finding fab’
And blah blah blahdy blah
It’s an incredible relief finding people who put some effort in. Just can’t respond to every single one "
100% this.
I'm willing to talk to anyone who has the decency to read a profile and put a little effort into their first message. But I don't live on Fab so can't and won't reply to every thoughtless or unoriginal message.
If I really believed that someone would be inundated with messages then I would want to do my best to stand out in the hope that they would want to reply to me. Messages like this just go straight in the bin.
Perhaps my standards are too high, but I want an actual conversation. If you can't turn on my mind then you aren't going to get anywhere |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What was it, 94% or so of messages on certain sites are guys vs girls?
Something like that it was reported on mainstream dating sites.
It's far from easy for a guy to stand out
with such an interesting ratio.
You're bound to get a few duplicate line's of enquiry here and there."
It's definitely going to be hard for a man to stand out if they are sending the same old, boring messages as every other man on the site. Funny enough, I don't want to read and reply to the same lines over and over again. And there's more than enough info in my profile to strike up a real conversation. Just because it's a swinging site, doesn't mean I want to meet just anyone. I want to make a connection and that starts with the person I'm speaking to showing me that they are capable of talking about something interesting. I'd much rather you send a joke than state the obvious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done "
You made a forum post about it
So they did stand out? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thats cos you have tits and a pretty face fab trys to condition fellas to believe this
I know plenty of women who dont get even 5 messages per day"
It's not really even got anything to do with the number of messages a person gets in a day.
I just meant that if you really felt like the person you're reaching out to has such a full inbox, why would you not want to put a little effort into the message in the hope of actually getting a response?
Personally, I want to find a connection with the people I meet here. So if I get a message that has no personality or they clearly haven't read my bio (where I've given more than enough information to start a conversation) then I'm just going to hit delete. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done
You made a forum post about it
So they did stand out? "
The masses stood out... Not one person. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Your standards *are* high. And as I’m sure you know - that’s ok 
Never let anyone tell you to be satisfied with anything less than what you want x"
What a fantastic comment!  Couldn't agree more! x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done
What would you like them to ask instead? "
I look for people who make the effort to read my profile and make a real conversation - show some personality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done
What would you like them to ask instead?
I look for people who make the effort to read my profile and make a real conversation - show some personality. "
What would you say to guys also looking to make a connection that say conversation is a 2 way street, and if you aren’t willing to put in 50% neither are they.
It sounds like you expect guys to put in 90% before you even bother.
If a guy messaged asking how your day was, would you reply? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest, gorgeous lady, I’ve seen so many threads like this. You still get multiple people basically responding ‘But I Just Want To Send Half Assed Messages To You And You Should Be Grateful and Reply’.
As someone on another thread recently said - you can’t reason with the unreasonable x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest, gorgeous lady, I’ve seen so many threads like this. You still get multiple people basically responding ‘But I Just Want To Send Half Assed Messages To You And You Should Be Grateful and Reply’.
As someone on another thread recently said - you can’t reason with the unreasonable x"
In the interest of fairness not everyone who lacks the creative spark to write an intriguing first message also have the sense of entitlement that seems to be getting linked to it.
By all means be bored by people's messages, don't reply.
Just don't assume everyone is great at introductions.
Also of which the more "creative" ones are just templates tweaked for each person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Geez, us guys can’t win 
First of all we’re expected to be mind readers and have an insight into what other men message you, then we’re told off for sending cock pics or getting straight into the sex talk, and now it’s a telling off for trying to gently break the ice! 
Let’s be honest, ladies.
Whilst an original note might stand out, a simple polite introduction (even if you’ve heard it all before) from someone who you like the look of from the profile will get more success than a fantastic piece of prose from someone you don’t like the look of .. obviously the guys you fancy will always mostly do ok unless they cock it up with an overly rude or crude opener. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest, gorgeous lady, I’ve seen so many threads like this. You still get multiple people basically responding ‘But I Just Want To Send Half Assed Messages To You And You Should Be Grateful and Reply’.
As someone on another thread recently said - you can’t reason with the unreasonable x
In the interest of fairness not everyone who lacks the creative spark to write an intriguing first message also have the sense of entitlement that seems to be getting linked to it.
By all means be bored by people's messages, don't reply.
Just don't assume everyone is great at introductions.
Also of which the more "creative" ones are just templates tweaked for each person"
Plus, some people prefer a 50/50 convo. I’ve no interact in trying to write a novel just to get a reply. I’ll write a quick hello and my pictures. If there’s interest write back and we can have a conversation TOGETHER. Until you’ve actually responded to me, it’s not a conversation
It’s not entitled to want that from someone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest, gorgeous lady, I’ve seen so many threads like this. You still get multiple people basically responding ‘But I Just Want To Send Half Assed Messages To You And You Should Be Grateful and Reply’.
As someone on another thread recently said - you can’t reason with the unreasonable x
In the interest of fairness not everyone who lacks the creative spark to write an intriguing first message also have the sense of entitlement that seems to be getting linked to it.
By all means be bored by people's messages, don't reply.
Just don't assume everyone is great at introductions.
Also of which the more "creative" ones are just templates tweaked for each person
Plus, some people prefer a 50/50 convo. I’ve no interact in trying to write a novel just to get a reply. I’ll write a quick hello and my pictures. If there’s interest write back and we can have a conversation TOGETHER. Until you’ve actually responded to me, it’s not a conversation
It’s not entitled to want that from someone "
 yes some ppl seem to confuse conversation and monologue |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done
What would you like them to ask instead?
I look for people who make the effort to read my profile and make a real conversation - show some personality.
What would you say to guys also looking to make a connection that say conversation is a 2 way street, and if you aren’t willing to put in 50% neither are they.
It sounds like you expect guys to put in 90% before you even bother.
If a guy messaged asking how your day was, would you reply?"
Oh 100% - you're right, it is a two way street and I by no means expect the other party to put in ALL the effort. But I also send out the first message to people who I'm interested in and I ALWAYS read their profile and pull out something to start a conversation from. Is it so terrible that I would like the same from those who contact me first?
But no - I don't consider 'how's your day?' as a decent first line when there's literally anything else you could ask me. The same question warrants the same answer and it gets very old very quickly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done
What would you like them to ask instead?
I look for people who make the effort to read my profile and make a real conversation - show some personality.
What would you say to guys also looking to make a connection that say conversation is a 2 way street, and if you aren’t willing to put in 50% neither are they.
It sounds like you expect guys to put in 90% before you even bother.
If a guy messaged asking how your day was, would you reply?
Oh 100% - you're right, it is a two way street and I by no means expect the other party to put in ALL the effort. But I also send out the first message to people who I'm interested in and I ALWAYS read their profile and pull out something to start a conversation from. Is it so terrible that I would like the same from those who contact me first?
But no - I don't consider 'how's your day?' as a decent first line when there's literally anything else you could ask me. The same question warrants the same answer and it gets very old very quickly."
That’s fair enough. Personally, if I liked the look of someone’s pictures, I’d response to that
Because it’s a conversation when I join in.
Until then, it’s just someone sending a message into the void.
If the chat is dead within 5 messages, fine. But I’m not gonna ask someone I find attractive because they didn’t write a novel for me.
Plus, habe you been a guy on here? I’d say 75% of messages go unopened. Another reason I won’t write a novel |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Geez, us guys can’t win
First of all we’re expected to be mind readers and have an insight into what other men message you, then we’re told off for sending cock pics or getting straight into the sex talk, and now it’s a telling off for trying to gently break the ice!
Let’s be honest, ladies.
Whilst an original note might stand out, a simple polite introduction (even if you’ve heard it all before) from someone who you like the look of from the profile will get more success than a fantastic piece of prose from someone you don’t like the look of .. obviously the guys you fancy will always mostly do ok unless they cock it up with an overly rude or crude opener. "
I hear you, and you make a valid point. All I'm saying is that you won't stand out by sending the same old standard one-liners as every other person on here.
I certainly don't expect some well thought out, creative monologue - but a simple 'hi, I'm blah. I like X, Y, Z and think we would get on well. Do you fancy a chat?' would be much better received than something I read over and over again.
I put in the same level of effort to people I message first, so I hardly think it's much to ask for the same in return.
But like many have already pointed out - we're all different, we all have different wants and expectations and no one is necessarily wrong. I'm merely surmising my own thoughts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s interesting I guess, and maybe it’s all to do with the percentages of men to women on the site and supply and demand and all that, but believe it or not sometimes every now and then I do get ladies message me first (one of the benefits of regularly talking bollocks on the forums I guess).
And you know what, it’s usually not much more than a simple paragraph or two they use to break the ice.
Usually bog standard stuff, rarely a unique piece of prose, but a simple polite introduction. But I’ve made lots of nice friends from it and met many over the years!
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Geez, us guys can’t win
First of all we’re expected to be mind readers and have an insight into what other men message you, then we’re told off for sending cock pics or getting straight into the sex talk, and now it’s a telling off for trying to gently break the ice!
Let’s be honest, ladies.
Whilst an original note might stand out, a simple polite introduction (even if you’ve heard it all before) from someone who you like the look of from the profile will get more success than a fantastic piece of prose from someone you don’t like the look of .. obviously the guys you fancy will always mostly do ok unless they cock it up with an overly rude or crude opener.
I hear you, and you make a valid point. All I'm saying is that you won't stand out by sending the same old standard one-liners as every other person on here.
I certainly don't expect some well thought out, creative monologue - but a simple 'hi, I'm blah. I like X, Y, Z and think we would get on well. Do you fancy a chat?' would be much better received than something I read over and over again.
I put in the same level of effort to people I message first, so I hardly think it's much to ask for the same in return.
But like many have already pointed out - we're all different, we all have different wants and expectations and no one is necessarily wrong. I'm merely surmising my own thoughts. "
Another question, and I’m not grilling you here just wondering
Your perfect 10/10 guy send you a few pics and a “hey how’s things today?” - do you respond?
Then a guy that’s repulsive sends you the perfect first message. Funny, charming, unique. - do you responds? |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
"Your standards *are* high. And as I’m sure you know - that’s ok
Never let anyone tell you to be satisfied with anything less than what you want x"
100% this never lower your standards ... as a married woman and a very happy woman i know what i like within my swinging world and i stick to it its quite a wide spectrum male wise no so wide woman wise ... i think it sad when some men dont have standards ... i would not lower mine for anyone id rather go without ...
and its the same anywhere club - private - party - dogging - even in my early day at a gang bang out of about 30 men in the room only 6 stayed the rest were told no thanks .... this should not be a woman only thing it sould be all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I see a first message or a wink or a fab as a tap on the door. The fab equivalent of catching someone's eye on a night out.
I'll check out their profile and decide if there's a curiosity to learn more.
A long message won't influence that process unless they're spouting crudeness. Likewise, if they're mentioning an interest in things I don't want, again that'd be useful.
But beyond that, it'd all come with time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's an opening.
Fab has some weird obsession with a first mail needing to be some great work of literature.
Obviously if you have no interest then you have no interest. I just never get the need to read so much into people's first messages"
Couldnt agree more. |
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"I receive so many messages from guys telling me "your inbox must be busy" or "I bet you get loads of messages!" What baffles me is that if they really think that, then why are they wasting their time stating it and not trying to make an effort to stand out? It's amusing how these messages usually tend to come from the same people who complain that they have 'no luck'... Just a thought while I'm trying to muster the motivation to get some work done "
I can't even send you a DM ! I tried |
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