FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Dumping a woman because she’s put weight on

Dumping a woman because she’s put weight on

By *ayHaych OP Man over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

Catching up on some episodes of married at first sight.

One of the husbands said if he’s in a relationship and a woman put weight on, unless it was for medical reasons, he would not want to be with her.

I was shocked he said that. I wonder how many people have this preference. If you fell in love with someone and were in great relationship, would you leave them just because they put weight on?

I couldn’t imagine that, but then on the other hand is it so important to some people that’d it be a deal breaker?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Having been with someone who pushed me to bulimia through his body shaming, I’d say that if someone would leave because your body changes then they aren’t worth keeping.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

People say a lot of things about relationships that they don't really understand until they're in one. I suspect that if he was with someone long term he'd realise that he was going to change physically too, I mean what if he lost his hair for instance?

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

My first proper boyfriend's mother told me that I couldn't afford to put on so much as an inch as her son deserved the best and no man would want me. I'm short and big boobed but I was still a size 8 back then.

My father told us that it was our job to keep our skin clear of blemishes and our figures trim to attract and keep a man.

I'm obese and happier in myself than when I was hearing those messages.

Lots of MAFS chat on the thread.

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By *umagain58Man over a year ago

London

Some people’s attitudes are just appalling. I like people because they are nice and we get on. You never know what might happen to you in life so respect people like you would want

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It depends I guess. Body weight fluctuations are a normal part of life....

I tend to put on weight when I'm in a relationship, unless I'm really careful about what I eat. I just find that men, generally, can eat more, so I'd really like a partner to recognise this and support healthy eating with me.

Men can eat something like 500 to 1000 calories more a day, which is so unfair

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve got to say being a Curvey short woman I thought (well was drilled into me by ex husband) no one would like or want me! So was always on the defensive on here to start with n make sure even though it’s on my profile I make is clear I’m short curvey with boobs!!! Giving them a chance to run n stop messaging but it’s very refreshing on how most are about the personality n chemistry etc…..

so know defiantly wouldn’t want to be someone with those morals n thought processes defiantly not for me !

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By *umagain58Man over a year ago

London

"I’ve got to say being a Curvey short woman I thought (well was drilled into me by ex husband) no one would like or want me! So was always on the defensive on here to start with n make sure even though it’s on my profile I make is clear I’m short curvey with boobs!!! Giving them a chance to run n stop messaging but it’s very refreshing on how most are about the personality n chemistry etc…..

so know defiantly wouldn’t want to be someone with those morals n thought processes defiantly not for me ! "

Well said

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By *odgerMooreMan over a year ago

Fulwood

I watched that and shouted C@nt at the telly - and I very rarely use that word - what a manipulative shallow insecure arrogant piece of shite he was( is) and he will be a very sad lonely old man still fuming now I read this ! How anyone can say they love someone when all that needs to happen is they gain weight and suddenly you dont love them? Ffs the human race is finished and the monkeys will eat us in Our sleep !! Is there a ‘still fucking fuming’ emoji?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Good job my husband doesn't have such beliefs. I'm a complete wreck, compared to the woman he married. But he loves me, irrespective of my weight, what my lower limbs will/won't do or anything else. And I love him irrespective of such things too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Everyone’s initial attraction are looks as it’s the first thing you see but a relationship fails without chemistry. If I got that chemistry then anything else wouldn’t matter. Size fades into insignificance to me.

Some people are just dicks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Good job my husband doesn't have such beliefs. I'm a complete wreck, compared to the woman he married. But he loves me, irrespective of my weight, what my lower limbs will/won't do or anything else. And I love him irrespective of such things too. "

You two !

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By *ayHaych OP Man over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

"Having been with someone who pushed me to bulimia through his body shaming, I’d say that if someone would leave because your body changes then they aren’t worth keeping. "

It would certainly be a red flag for me. I’m sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you’re free of a walking problem!

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By *ayHaych OP Man over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

"People say a lot of things about relationships that they don't really understand until they're in one. I suspect that if he was with someone long term he'd realise that he was going to change physically too, I mean what if he lost his hair for instance?"

His hair already seems a little patchy too! Yeah true maybe he would be different if it came to it. I just hate how some people say stuff with such certainty as if they think the world is black and white.

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By *ayHaych OP Man over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

"I watched that and shouted C@nt at the telly - and I very rarely use that word - what a manipulative shallow insecure arrogant piece of shite he was( is) and he will be a very sad lonely old man still fuming now I read this ! How anyone can say they love someone when all that needs to happen is they gain weight and suddenly you dont love them? Ffs the human race is finished and the monkeys will eat us in Our sleep !! Is there a ‘still fucking fuming’ emoji? "

I totally agree. I don’t know about the emoji!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Once you've been in a relationship of equals where there's a deep respect for each other you're going to take the rough with the smooth. I guess he's either never experienced that or he really would walk away from a commitment, mortgage, children, love etc for a couple of stone.

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman over a year ago

Saw it and thought wtf!!

Also the way he said he was telling her ‘for your own good’

What a prick!

Run love, run!

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS over a year ago

Stockport

Fuck em sideways with a 3 by 2...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hair is nothing let say loosing a limb..or having a "poo bag" on his tummy

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By *hiskeyColaMan over a year ago

Oswestry

Dumping a man because he's put on weight - different or same..?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We come in different shapes, sizes and colors. Only idiots have issues with this. I used to be one of them. Thanks God, Someone helped understand this.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Dumping a man because he's put on weight - different or same..?"

Absolutely no difference whatsoever. Anyone in a committed and loving relationship wouldn't be so damned shallow, be they heterosexual or homosexual relationships. The gender is irrelevant.

Neither Mr KC nor I are the "same" as when we first met and got together but that's not what matters.

For the record, Mr KC is even more gorgeous now than ever he was

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The size issue works both ways with with both sides of the partnership and both are known to say "if you get fat" and "if you don't stay fat" I'm leaving you. These are ways of control from the partner who is saying it. Often they themselves will be the opposite of what they want you to be.

The only person you should care about making happy with anything to do with yourself, is you. If someone puts you down or threatens to leave because you're not how they want you to be, are they the sort of person you want and deserve?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some folks are just pure cock heads and dont deserve any happiness the end

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had an ex boyfriend like this. He said if we were to ever have children I would have to lose the weight quickly after… he didn’t last long

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Hair is nothing let say loosing a limb..or having a "poo bag" on his tummy "

the truth of the matter is that some people will stick around 'in sickness and in health' and some people won't.

A friend's mother died and her partner left her because she was "too sad". A woman I knew had a severely disabled son, her husband (the boy's father)left because he "couldn't cope". Some people can deal with stuff and others run away from it if it's extra weight or a lost limb. Relationships are really hard to maintain in difficult times and frankly if a guy couldn't cope if I put on a stone then I wouldn't want him around if something really serious happened

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Important part of a relationship is to accept the other person for who they are as a whole and to support eachother fully

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By *host63Man over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

Well as people have some very specific preferences on hear age, weight, height, size, bodyshape. It's a bit pot, kettle, black to call him out. Not saying I agree with him.

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Well that would be the equivalent of putting on weight because of medical reasons (in other words, out of the persons control), which he has given dispensation for

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

"It depends I guess. Body weight fluctuations are a normal part of life....

Men can eat something like 500 to 1000 calories more a day, which is so unfair "

You cant expect someone to mirror what you do to protect your weight. You control your weight, so show the necessary discipline yourself

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If i were to hear my sisters fella say something like this to her i think its grounds for gripping up

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Well that would be the equivalent of putting on weight because of medical reasons (in other words, out of the persons control), which he has given dispensation for"

I'm not sure you can say at the beginning of a relationship that if x happens I won't want to be with you. Its quite an immature attitude in my opinion

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Well that would be the equivalent of putting on weight because of medical reasons (in other words, out of the persons control), which he has given dispensation for"

Dispensation?! Jeez. In a relationship of equals, no-one needs to be given "dispensation" like that. What nonsense.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I got dumped by my X for being too skinny.i realized it's all in personal choices after that. Someone will love you for who you are eventually.

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Well that would be the equivalent of putting on weight because of medical reasons (in other words, out of the persons control), which he has given dispensation for

I'm not sure you can say at the beginning of a relationship that if x happens I won't want to be with you. Its quite an immature attitude in my opinion

Im not disagreeing, merely pointing out the false equivalency with baldness and just getting fat.

To plays devils advocate, you fall in love with all aspects of a person. If that person lets themselves go physically, then a) are they not changing from the person you fell and love with and b) by them letting themselves go, are they not kinda treating you shodily as well, and showing they dont particularly care how you see them anymore?

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Well that would be the equivalent of putting on weight because of medical reasons (in other words, out of the persons control), which he has given dispensation for

Dispensation?! Jeez. In a relationship of equals, no-one needs to be given "dispensation" like that. What nonsense. "

Im referring to the paraphrasing in the OP, which said the guy in question wouldnt leave her if it happened for medical reasons. Call it something else if you like, but thats what i was referring to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We change. Childbirth puts weight on why do we need to conform to a standard? Grant it I can't have kids but sometimes I feel for women who struggle to be a social norm.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Anyone who expects a partner to remain physically unchanged over many years is simply deluded. Weight and height change with age. Accidents, illness and disability all can happen in an instant. Hair changes colour, falls out, grows where it didn't before. Ear lobes, boobs and balls sag. Bits fall off. Lines and creases are etched in.

It's life. If someone doesn't want a lived in body belonging to their partners, they should get a blow up doll. Or a houseplant.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Well that would be the equivalent of putting on weight because of medical reasons (in other words, out of the persons control), which he has given dispensation for

I'm not sure you can say at the beginning of a relationship that if x happens I won't want to be with you. Its quite an immature attitude in my opinion

Im not disagreeing, merely pointing out the false equivalency with baldness and just getting fat.

I was going to post something very similar. It's difficult. I think it shows a lack of respect for your partner if you don't present your best self to them when possible. That of course takes into account off days, ill days and can't be bothered days

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Anyone who expects a partner to remain physically unchanged over many years is simply deluded. Weight and height change with age. Accidents, illness and disability all can happen in an instant. Hair changes colour, falls out, grows where it didn't before. Ear lobes, boobs and balls sag. Bits fall off. Lines and creases are etched in.

It's life. If someone doesn't want a lived in body belonging to their partners, they should get a blow up doll. Or a houseplant."

I think most adults understand this. Its why I wonder if the guy in question doesn't have much experience of long term relationships

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think there's an argument for people (male and female both) who stop making an effort in terms of the relationship and it is reflected in how they present themselves to their partner. Saying they 'let themselves go' but really the person is saying you don't show an interest in me or yourself / you aren't interested in being sexy for yourself or me / you don't make time to be caring or romantic / etc

The physical changes can be a manifestation of other things, a wall of sorts. Don't touch me I don't want you any more.

Not exclusively, obviously, but definitely on occasions

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

"We change. Childbirth puts weight on why do we need to conform to a standard? Grant it I can't have kids but sometimes I feel for women who struggle to be a social norm."

Ive not mentioned anything about a social norm. I was suggesting that putting on weight may affect your partners attraction towards you. That's nothing to do with a social norm

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I think there's an argument for people (male and female both) who stop making an effort in terms of the relationship and it is reflected in how they present themselves to their partner. Saying they 'let themselves go' but really the person is saying you don't show an interest in me or yourself / you aren't interested in being sexy for yourself or me / you don't make time to be caring or romantic / etc

The physical changes can be a manifestation of other things, a wall of sorts. Don't touch me I don't want you any more.

Not exclusively, obviously, but definitely on occasions "

yes or taking their partner for granted.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The physical changes can be a manifestation of other things, a wall of sorts. Don't touch me I don't want you any more.

Not exclusively, obviously, but definitely on occasions

yes or taking their partner for granted. "

You have both very valid points

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman over a year ago

Why is putting some weight on described as ‘letting themselves go?’ So what if someone gains weight, it’s not the worst thing in the world

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it’s nuanced though… it’s not black & white… but his statement on MAFS was wrong!

Women for example naturally put on weight during pregnancy & post child birth.

But I will be controversial here… which is if someone completely physically transforms over life you are allowed to question that… and attraction does change. If you have a strong supportive relationship then those changes don’t mean you no longer see them as attractive… but I do think it can have an effect… it’s all down to the strength of the bond & the reason for the change in size etc…

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Catching up on some episodes of married at first sight.

One of the husbands said if he’s in a relationship and a woman put weight on, unless it was for medical reasons, he would not want to be with her.

I was shocked he said that. I wonder how many people have this preference. If you fell in love with someone and were in great relationship, would you leave them just because they put weight on?

I couldn’t imagine that, but then on the other hand is it so important to some people that’d it be a deal breaker?"

I would never leave a woman I love or fancy her less for this .

I fancy my woman size 8 , 18, 28 . I don’t care …

Reminded me my daughter mother , bless her .

She was size 10 , hot petite lady …

Then she gone up to 14 when we got pregnant, very nice sexy curvy ..

Bless her , first telling me I didn’t fancy her anymore cause she was bigger ,

I told her that’s not true , u have no idea how much I fancy you …

Then start accusing me I was a feeder , cause she knew I fancy bigger girl and all I do is buy loads of chocolate all the time ,

I said : that’s not true , stop being silly and came here ^^

She had a massive thing about how big or how small she was .

And u try to explain , and try and try and try .

Fancy her doesn’t matter the size and wouldn’t believe it …

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why is putting some weight on described as ‘letting themselves go?’ So what if someone gains weight, it’s not the worst thing in the world "

No it's not. Most people's weight fluctuates for many reasons.lee

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know it doesn’t sound right he feels less attracted for her now …

But atblist he is being open and honest . Not hiding being miserable … is hiding that things go wrong …

Now why ? That’s what I would like to know .

Lost the attraction ?

Or is because he thinks is embarrassing what others think ? as she is not “ top hot “ any more … in is idea …

Did he loved her ?

Or only walk her as pride charme ?

That’s what I would like to know …

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We change. Childbirth puts weight on why do we need to conform to a standard? Grant it I can't have kids but sometimes I feel for women who struggle to be a social norm.

Ive not mentioned anything about a social norm. I was suggesting that putting on weight may affect your partners attraction towards you. That's nothing to do with a social norm"
ok I am a skinny bitch I eat 2000 calories a day just to Make a social acceptance of not looking bulemic. It goes both ways. It's my paranoid acceptance

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Honestly, I doubt I'd leave someone I loved -- but it might affect the way I fancy her.

I mean, I love bigger women, but I like proportion, so a big arse and flat chest would do nothing for me -- I like the whole package.

I think it'd be fair the other way around too -- my body has changed over the years, but if I was missing out on my self-care or failing to maintain myself, then it'd be entirely reasonable for her to pull me up on it.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

Reading stuff like this and all the shite about dating apps and suchlike makes me SO damned grateful for who I found at school, all those years ago

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"Reading stuff like this and all the shite about dating apps and suchlike makes me SO damned grateful for who I found at school, all those years ago

You met at school?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Reading stuff like this and all the shite about dating apps and suchlike makes me SO damned grateful for who I found at school, all those years ago

You met at school?

We did indeed. First met in Maths lesson no.1, 25yrs ago

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"Reading stuff like this and all the shite about dating apps and suchlike makes me SO damned grateful for who I found at school, all those years ago

You met at school?

We did indeed. First met in Maths lesson no.1, 25yrs ago

Well that is just the cutest thing ever

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

God no I wouldn’t

Same with hair same with if they got tattoos or no

It’s they body it’s they choices I will still love them unconditionally

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Reading stuff like this and all the shite about dating apps and suchlike makes me SO damned grateful for who I found at school, all those years ago

You met at school?

We did indeed. First met in Maths lesson no.1, 25yrs ago

Well that is just the cutest thing ever

We've changed a wee bit since then too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well as people have some very specific preferences on hear age, weight, height, size, bodyshape. It's a bit pot, kettle, black to call him out. Not saying I agree with him."

No it is an it is not the same thing at all. Meeting someone for casual sex and being in a committed long term relationship are not the same thing at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I got dumped by my X for being too skinny.i realized it's all in personal choices after that. Someone will love you for who you are eventually."

Hi xx

Sorry hear that , I wouldn’t do that ever .

I like slim ladies , but far far over slim , like anorexic it starts looking worrying, doesn’t look right .

You look lovely , you are very sexy … sexy hot xx

I’m aware I’m not MR Universe .

But hope someone will like me for who I am .

Then after yeah , wouldn’t make her stay if she doesn’t like what I’ve got and how I treat her and can do with it ^^

Hopefully she would love it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We change. Childbirth puts weight on why do we need to conform to a standard? Grant it I can't have kids but sometimes I feel for women who struggle to be a social norm.

Ive not mentioned anything about a social norm. I was suggesting that putting on weight may affect your partners attraction towards you. That's nothing to do with a social norm"

If the only thing you have in a relationship is physical attraction then the relationship is in trouble anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We change. Childbirth puts weight on why do we need to conform to a standard? Grant it I can't have kids but sometimes I feel for women who struggle to be a social norm.

Ive not mentioned anything about a social norm. I was suggesting that putting on weight may affect your partners attraction towards you. That's nothing to do with a social norm ok I am a skinny bitch I eat 2000 calories a day just to Make a social acceptance of not looking bulemic. It goes both ways. It's my paranoid acceptance

U ain’t a skinny fucker … u not even skinny .

U look lux . Trust me . You do .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We change. Childbirth puts weight on why do we need to conform to a standard? Grant it I can't have kids but sometimes I feel for women who struggle to be a social norm.

Ive not mentioned anything about a social norm. I was suggesting that putting on weight may affect your partners attraction towards you. That's nothing to do with a social norm

If the only thing you have in a relationship is physical attraction then the relationship is in trouble anyway. "

I’m totally with you …

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

Nope, I definitely wouldn't, because I fell in love with her and her personality if she felt comfortable how her appearance was I'd still be the same.im happy if she was.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Reading stuff like this and all the shite about dating apps and suchlike makes me SO damned grateful for who I found at school, all those years ago

You met at school?

We did indeed. First met in Maths lesson no.1, 25yrs ago

Awwww …that’s super cute …

my first love was around 10 - 11 too .

But I liked her well back from before …

Didn’t last long ….

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By *aptain Caveman41Man over a year ago

Home

There's a word for someone who does something like that and it starts with a C and ends with a T

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Mr N and I have been together 42 years. Obviously we've changed a lot physically in that time. It happens gradually, you don't go to bed with a dark haired youngster and wake up with a grey haired pensioner. The same with putting on weight, it doesn't happen overnight. At what point does someone say "right hop on the scales love, if it goes over my ideal I'm off". Relationships don't work like that.

Entirely different to my mind is a situation where a person just doesn't bother with their appearance because they feel It's not worth it for their partner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Mr N and I have been together 42 years. Obviously we've changed a lot physically in that time. It happens gradually, you don't go to bed with a dark haired youngster and wake up with a grey haired pensioner. The same with putting on weight, it doesn't happen overnight. At what point does someone say "right hop on the scales love, if it goes over my ideal I'm off". Relationships don't work like that.

Entirely different to my mind is a situation where a person just doesn't bother with their appearance because they feel It's not worth it for their partner. "

I disagree with the last sentence as we normally don't just decide we're not gonna bother for our partner there is normally far more going on.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Entirely different to my mind is a situation where a person just doesn't bother with their appearance because they feel It's not worth it for their partner.

I disagree with the last sentence as we normally don't just decide we're not gonna bother for our partner there is normally far more going on. "

I named a specific situation where a person does decide that. I know there are other situations but people do get complacent, they do get comfortable and they do stop bothering, they take their partner for granted.

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By *nglo-Indian-DelightCouple over a year ago

Worcestershire

Happiness is woman shaped, all of which are beautiful x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Entirely different to my mind is a situation where a person just doesn't bother with their appearance because they feel It's not worth it for their partner.

I disagree with the last sentence as we normally don't just decide we're not gonna bother for our partner there is normally far more going on.

Not looking after your personal appearance is not taking your partner for granted. There are very few situations where somebody simply stops bothering With no other underlying reasons.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Entirely different to my mind is a situation where a person just doesn't bother with their appearance because they feel It's not worth it for their partner.

I disagree with the last sentence as we normally don't just decide we're not gonna bother for our partner there is normally far more going on.

Not looking after your personal appearance is not taking your partner for granted. There are very few situations where somebody simply stops bothering With no other underlying reasons. "

I think either I'm not explaining myself clearly or you're misunderstanding me so we'll have to agree to disagree on this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Entirely different to my mind is a situation where a person just doesn't bother with their appearance because they feel It's not worth it for their partner.

I disagree with the last sentence as we normally don't just decide we're not gonna bother for our partner there is normally far more going on.

Absolutely, or their relationship withers and they themselves no longer like/want/desire their partner and so no longer seek to be intimate or attract their partner. They decide consciously or subconsciously to just enjoy other things and how they look is bumped down the list of things to be bothered about. Or the breakdown of the relationship is damaging and stressful so their effort in self-care drops off (well known issue with stress, anxiety or depression)

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Entirely different to my mind is a situation where a person just doesn't bother with their appearance because they feel It's not worth it for their partner.

I disagree with the last sentence as we normally don't just decide we're not gonna bother for our partner there is normally far more going on.

Well all I know is that Mr N is going to have a job getting rid of me whatever I end up looking like. We already agreed that nobody else would have us

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think I only way I would dump her or lose attraction if she tranform her gender to male …

Cause that’s totally not my drive .

That would totally cut my drive to zero .

Would Stil respect the person … respect her freedom …

But would miss the woman I loved …

Good night .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is just my opinion but I think the opposite. Women look so good when they put weight on...all those curves and thick thighs and juicy bum.

As I always say...that booty can never be too big!

Sending love to all the women with pressure to have a certain look/image/body.

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

Entirely different to my mind is a situation where a person just doesn't bother with their appearance because they feel It's not worth it for their partner. "

It boils down to the bond understanding having feeling because the bond is what brought a person together how in-depth they've spoken to understand each others feelings then you embrace it

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

Entirely different to my mind is a situation where a person just doesn't bother with their appearance because they feel It's not worth it for their partner.

I disagree with the last sentence as we normally don't just decide we're not gonna bother for our partner there is normally far more going on.

Well all I know is that Mr N is going to have a job getting rid of me whatever I end up looking like. We already agreed that nobody else would have us

He's stuck with you you come as a package whether he likes it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've read all the comments here and as usual all brilliant opinions in their own way , my tuppence worth is that body shaming is a total no no , as everyone gets on their bodies become different, things that bodies produce slow down,a guy and a woman can start to put on weight , but if a person truly loves someone then nothing like that should matter, ever. If a person thinks any different then the other person is way better off with out them as who wants to listen to their rubbish every day , your respect and self worth is way more important that what they think or say.

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By *iss LovelyWoman over a year ago

Here and There

My first proper boyfriend was ashamed of me and my weight (was a size 16/18, but I’m 6ft tall and built like a rugby player, so I wasn’t fat, so much as big) He wouldn’t take me out anywhere, would comment on the food I ate etc. One morning we woke up and he was really moody with me, when I asked him what was wrong he said I looked even fatter than I did the day before. Thank god I got away from him.

Appearance isn’t the most important thing to me if I love you. Changes are to be expected. I would never leave someone if their appearance changed. I would leave someone at the first sign of any kind of body shaming comment now though, I wouldn’t endure years of abuse and trying to make myself smaller to keep someone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My first proper boyfriend was ashamed of me and my weight (was a size 16/18, but I’m 6ft tall and built like a rugby player, so I wasn’t fat, so much as big) He wouldn’t take me out anywhere, would comment on the food I ate etc. One morning we woke up and he was really moody with me, when I asked him what was wrong he said I looked even fatter than I did the day before. Thank god I got away from him.

I can't believe someone could wake up and say something so insensitive and abusive.

You are gorgeous.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The question basically boils down to “breaking up with your partner because they Changed”

Which personally, I think is fine

You should never be with someone you don’t want to be with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it’s nuanced though… it’s not black & white… but his statement on MAFS was wrong!

Women for example naturally put on weight during pregnancy & post child birth.

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By *amnaughtybutniceWoman over a year ago

tf1

I wouldn’t ever say this to a partner but I would not be impressed if the man I got with piled loads of weight on and did nothing about it.

I work hard to stay slim and fitness is a massive part of my life. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t feel the same.

If someone got fat because they got poorly etc it’s different.

I don’t fancy big fellas just as some men don’t fancy slim women. We are all different.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It depends I guess. Body weight fluctuations are a normal part of life....

Men can eat something like 500 to 1000 calories more a day, which is so unfair

You cant expect someone to mirror what you do to protect your weight. You control your weight, so show the necessary discipline yourself"

Um yes I can, do and will expect that and anything else I damn well want

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By *he_Secret_GardenWoman over a year ago

Naughty Lane

"Having been with someone who pushed me to bulimia through his body shaming, I’d say that if someone would leave because your body changes then they aren’t worth keeping. "

This

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thing we don't know and aren't privy to is maybe someone very close to him died through obesity and he really really wouldn't want to go through watching the person he loves effectively killing themselves again?

I've never seen the programme and I'm definitely not standing up for him but ...

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By *oppolocosTV/TS over a year ago

inverurie

Depends on why someone piles on the weight. Could be a health issue, could be just getting older and a bit curvier. That said I think we should all try and be the person our partner wants. And that's not just about size.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wouldn’t ever say this to a partner but I would not be impressed if the man I got with piled loads of weight on and did nothing about it.

I work hard to stay slim and fitness is a massive part of my life. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t feel the same.

If someone got fat because they got poorly etc it’s different.

I don’t fancy big fellas just as some men don’t fancy slim women. We are all different. "

This for me too!!

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

"We change. Childbirth puts weight on why do we need to conform to a standard? Grant it I can't have kids but sometimes I feel for women who struggle to be a social norm.

I have no idea what point youre trying to make. Thats not relevant to what ive been saying

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

"We change. Childbirth puts weight on why do we need to conform to a standard? Grant it I can't have kids but sometimes I feel for women who struggle to be a social norm.

Ive not mentioned anything about a social norm. I was suggesting that putting on weight may affect your partners attraction towards you. That's nothing to do with a social norm

If the only thing you have in a relationship is physical attraction then the relationship is in trouble anyway. "

That would be true, however it will still form a large aspect of any relationship. And that falling away is not good for any relationship

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

"It depends I guess. Body weight fluctuations are a normal part of life....

Men can eat something like 500 to 1000 calories more a day, which is so unfair

You cant expect someone to mirror what you do to protect your weight. You control your weight, so show the necessary discipline yourself

Um yes I can, do and will expect that and anything else I damn well want

Ok, well good with that is all ill say

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

I would say that was not a solid relationship if a person did that. Basing a relationship on just the physical is a sad state of affairs, we all grow old, we all change and although some like to think they mature like a fine wine, others won’t see it that way and it’s not the reality.

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

"I would say that was not a solid relationship if a person did that. Basing a relationship on just the physical is a sad state of affairs, we all grow old, we all change and although some like to think they mature like a fine wine, others won’t see it that way and it’s not the reality.

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical. "

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Men can eat something like 500 to 1000 calories more a day, which is so unfair "

Well, there you go, perhaps if women were a bit more active they would burn more calories.

I blame daytime TV and all those coffee mornings they have.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it? "

If you have to ask that question then clearly you don’t know enough. I’ve read your comments before about weight and you trivialise the issue and have no real concept or understanding of what a weight issue comprises of other than ‘eating too much and not exercising’. The forums are full of blokes, in particular, who think that. Perhaps this is why support for people with weight concerns doesn’t exist in the same way as it does for other things.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

Men can eat something like 500 to 1000 calories more a day, which is so unfair

Well, there you go, perhaps if women were a bit more active they would burn more calories.

I blame daytime TV and all those coffee mornings they have.

And here is my point proved nicely

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it? "

The biology of Weight management generally isn't complex... Energy in / energy out. Couldn't really be any simpler. The complexity is the emotional relationship with food that changes one or both sides of that equation. And any underlying emotions and wants and needs that underpin those changes which can be complex.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it? "

Yes. There's lots of psychological issues linked with over eating. I fir one struggle with fairness, a sense of losing 'me'....im the fat funny friend, if I'm not that then who am I?....,I can lose 3 stone then sub consciously fuck it up for myself. Maybe I don't 'deserve to be thin'.

For those who have never struggled it's a simple math equation and the spout on about it in such condescending ways...calories in Vs calories out'...yes I know this but I was also told I'd only lose weight (by a Dr) if I got an eating disorder and do you know what....I'd rather be dat because being fat is not the worst thing a person can be.

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it? "

It’s not complex, but if it was so easy, don’t you think everyone would be thin?

Gaining and losing weight is very straight forward on paper.

So is running a marathon

Doesn’t mean it’s easy

If it was easy there wouldn’t be 58 billion industry surrounding it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely it's the person's own perogative if they want to leave a relationship and why.

How it's don't a communicated is important but are we saying somebody should stay in a relationship even if they don't find the other person attractive anymore?

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle? "

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

To answer the OP. As a fat person there is a sense of this guy making a statement that fat people are unlovable and even some comments on here have suggested that fat people are just not putting any effort in or have let themselves go, which is ridiculous.

However, as is stated on many a thread, we all have preferences and of his I'd not larger women why should he stay. Just don't be a nasty dick about it and make her feel like shit.

You'd hope that love would alter his opinion and he falls in love with the whole of her, not just her body size. But people do have types.

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

It’s not complex, but if it was so easy, don’t you think everyone would be thin?

Gaining and losing weight is very straight forward on paper.

So is running a marathon

Doesn’t mean it’s easy

If it was easy there wouldn’t be 58 billion industry surrounding it "

I agree its not easy, i never said it was.

Its hard work, regular hard work

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not? "

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

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By *ood time Chris BMan over a year ago

TAUNTON AREA

True beauty is on the inside

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

It’s not complex, but if it was so easy, don’t you think everyone would be thin?

Gaining and losing weight is very straight forward on paper.

So is running a marathon

Doesn’t mean it’s easy

If it was easy there wouldn’t be 58 billion industry surrounding it

I agree its not easy, i never said it was.

Its hard work, regular hard work"

Your comments just make it sound as if it’s as easy as turning your weight knob from

“Obese” to “skinny”

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain. "

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thing we don't know and aren't privy to is maybe someone very close to him died through obesity and he really really wouldn't want to go through watching the person he loves effectively killing themselves again?

I've never seen the programme and I'm definitely not standing up for him but ... "

Maybe he has emotional issues surrounding this ^^^

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

It’s not complex, but if it was so easy, don’t you think everyone would be thin?

Gaining and losing weight is very straight forward on paper.

So is running a marathon

Doesn’t mean it’s easy

If it was easy there wouldn’t be 58 billion industry surrounding it

I agree its not easy, i never said it was.

Its hard work, regular hard work

Your comments just make it sound as if it’s as easy as turning your weight knob from

“Obese” to “skinny” "

What part of 'its hard work, regular hard work' translates to you as me saying its easy?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc"

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle? "

No, they wouldn’t ask a person with anorexia that question and they wouldn’t treat them the same way. People carrying extra weight are treated as lazy and treated with disgust, they are accused of a lack of self respect and self discipline but … this will be by people who have zero concept of the issues and prefer the narrative of ‘move more, eat less’ and the world will be the right weight.

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

Im not going to divert this into a PT session, but then the other side of the equation may be letting you down then, ie eating.

Thats assuming you aren't already exactly how you want to be. Which of course you may be

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Yup. I'm disappointed I bit really. Off to work in a bit before the other one logs in and starts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

It’s not complex, but if it was so easy, don’t you think everyone would be thin?

Gaining and losing weight is very straight forward on paper.

So is running a marathon

Doesn’t mean it’s easy

If it was easy there wouldn’t be 58 billion industry surrounding it

I agree its not easy, i never said it was.

Its hard work, regular hard work

Your comments just make it sound as if it’s as easy as turning your weight knob from

“Obese” to “skinny”

What part of 'its hard work, regular hard work' translates to you as me saying its easy? "

Just the tone you know. We all know weight loss is easy on paper. Calories in calories out. But to suggest that everyone that’s overweight is either ill (mentally or physically), or they are just lazy and unmotivated, seems a bit dismissive

There’s a lot of middle ground in between physically/mentally ill and lazy + unmotivated that I feel your ignoring

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

Im not going to divert this into a PT session, but then the other side of the equation may be letting you down then, ie eating.

Thats assuming you aren't already exactly how you want to be. Which of course you may be"

See....this dismisses all of the other point I mentioned about it being more than a math problem. The ones you implied you accounted for.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

It’s not complex, but if it was so easy, don’t you think everyone would be thin?

Gaining and losing weight is very straight forward on paper.

So is running a marathon

Doesn’t mean it’s easy

If it was easy there wouldn’t be 58 billion industry surrounding it

I agree its not easy, i never said it was.

Its hard work, regular hard work

Your comments just make it sound as if it’s as easy as turning your weight knob from

“Obese” to “skinny” "

I don't think he's said that at all. He's simplified the biology of it... And it is a very simple equation. I also think denying how simple the concept is and over complicating it... "I've got big bones" does nobody any favours and in many cases is used as an excuse... I know that's what I tend to do. Making it acceptable because it's difficult doesn't help anyone to maintain a healthy weight.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

It’s not complex, but if it was so easy, don’t you think everyone would be thin?

Gaining and losing weight is very straight forward on paper.

So is running a marathon

Doesn’t mean it’s easy

If it was easy there wouldn’t be 58 billion industry surrounding it

I agree its not easy, i never said it was.

Its hard work, regular hard work

Your comments just make it sound as if it’s as easy as turning your weight knob from

“Obese” to “skinny”

**chemistry

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Depends on why someone piles on the weight. Could be a health issue, could be just getting older and a bit curvier. That said I think we should all try and be the person our partner wants. And that's not just about size. "

We should be the person our partner wants?! Errrr no. The partner should like/love the other for who they are. Trying to change for a partner's desires or demands is not what a committed relationship is about and is why so many relationships fail. "If I marry him, maybe he'll change." Etc. No.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

Im not going to divert this into a PT session, but then the other side of the equation may be letting you down then, ie eating.

Thats assuming you aren't already exactly how you want to be. Which of course you may be

See....this dismisses all of the other point I mentioned about it being more than a math problem. The ones you implied you accounted for. "

Ok so you have a medical issue then is it?

Fair enough, i can acknowledge that

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"Surely it's the person's own perogative if they want to leave a relationship and why.

How it's don't a communicated is important but are we saying somebody should stay in a relationship even if they don't find the other person attractive anymore?"

They shouldn't stay, no. But entering into a relationship with arbitrary parameters like "thou shalt not gain weight" and thinking the other person will not change physically over time, is just stupid.

I want to see the photos of any person who looks the same at 21 and 50, say. Even IF they're the same weight, their body composition will have changed and I can guarantee their hair, skin and other features will have changed. Even if they've had enough Botox to paralyse a small village.

It's just stupid. In a long term relationship, you embrace and move with the changes. That's part of how it works.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple over a year ago

North West

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight" "

It would be precisely the same issue for me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If the person has changed who they are physically or emotionally then I don't see the issue with ending a relationship.

Not all of us would end it for the same reasons bur everyone is entitled to their own preferences and nobody should stay in a relationship that no longer makes them happy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight" "

BINGO!

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

If you are appearing on ‘Married at First Sight’, you’re unlikely to have anything worthwhile to say about relationships.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight" "

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If the person has changed who they are physically or emotionally then I don't see the issue with ending a relationship.

Not all of us would end it for the same reasons bur everyone is entitled to their own preferences and nobody should stay in a relationship that no longer makes them happy "

Well said!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've always taken the view that I enter a relationship partially based on looks and that I will take care of my own health and body so expect similar from a partner. That does exclude them suffering ill health etc. and naturally ageing because we are all human. I just never liked the idea of getting into a relationship and letting oneself go. You wouldn't get a job or buy a house as a long term commitment and not keep it in good nick. Personal viewpoint and I've always been open about it before any relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Having been with someone who pushed me to bulimia through his body shaming, I’d say that if someone would leave because your body changes then they aren’t worth keeping. "
.... His loss . You look amazing x

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

What are your aims in gong to the gym?

Build muscle? (Lifting heavy weights)

Tone up?

Lose body fat?

Important to have a gym plan and diet that support your aims, and that activity levels on the non-gym days also support those aims.

Even if you’re burning massive amounts of calories in those gym visits, it doesn’t take long to undo those sessions, and any inactive days will quickly counteract the gym work.

Lifting heavy weights is done to build muscle, and you can only really build muscle if you have a calorie surplus in your diet. So sounds like your aiming more for being fit and strong rather than shifting body fat?

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight. "

Its the same for men. Men are also considered more attractive if carrying less fat. Theres no difference

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

Im not going to divert this into a PT session, but then the other side of the equation may be letting you down then, ie eating.

Thats assuming you aren't already exactly how you want to be. Which of course you may be

See....this dismisses all of the other point I mentioned about it being more than a math problem. The ones you implied you accounted for.

Ok so you have a medical issue then is it?

Fair enough, i can acknowledge that "

You are so gracious

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/09/22 08:46:16]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’d say hell yes dump their ass! Because if that’s how you feel then they will be much better off without you in their lives.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

What are your aims in gong to the gym?

Build muscle? (Lifting heavy weights)

Tone up?

Lose body fat?

Important to have a gym plan and diet that support your aims, and that activity levels on the non-gym days also support those aims.

Even if you’re burning massive amounts of calories in those gym visits, it doesn’t take long to undo those sessions, and any inactive days will quickly counteract the gym work.

I didn't ask for gym advice, thanks all the same. I was simply stating that not all fat people are lazy or lack motivation as was implied.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

Its the same for men. Men are also considered more attractive if carrying less fat. Theres no difference"

I never said there was. My point is if it is about losing weight then everyone is supportive and happy but if it’s the other way around and you have gained weight, it’s a whole other story.

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

What are your aims in gong to the gym?

Build muscle? (Lifting heavy weights)

Tone up?

Lose body fat?

Important to have a gym plan and diet that support your aims, and that activity levels on the non-gym days also support those aims.

Even if you’re burning massive amounts of calories in those gym visits, it doesn’t take long to undo those sessions, and any inactive days will quickly counteract the gym work.

I didn't ask for gym advice, thanks all the same. I was simply stating that not all fat people are lazy or lack motivation as was implied. "

I know youre not replying directly to me, but i didnt imply anywhere that all fat people are lazy or lack motivation

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

Its the same for men. Men are also considered more attractive if carrying less fat. Theres no difference

I never said there was. My point is if it is about losing weight then everyone is supportive and happy but if it’s the other way around and you have gained weight, it’s a whole other story. "

Well aside from the aesthetics, isnt it just scientific fact that excess weight is bad for a persons health? Why would anybody be supportive of that?

Unless of course we're talking about weight gain to get to a healthy level. I find it hard to believe people wouldnt be just as supportive in that situation

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

Its the same for men. Men are also considered more attractive if carrying less fat. Theres no difference

I never said there was. My point is if it is about losing weight then everyone is supportive and happy but if it’s the other way around and you have gained weight, it’s a whole other story. "

I’d probably say it’s much more acceptable for men to put on weight than it is women

Dunno why that is. Maybe because women tend to be more focused on personality while men tend to be more focused on looks (disclaimer, generally, not all men, not all woman, not all people, not all weights, everyone’s beautiful)

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight. "

I don't see any bias. If anything it goes the other way. With a nation that is so colossally unhealthy in weight management it's surely a sensible debate to have. If we keep doing things the same way we keep getting the same outcomes.

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By *nthony_60Man over a year ago

ipswich

I saw that episode and it really annoyed me… the connection is far more than looks. They say beauty is only skin deep but in fact true beauty is much more than just visual

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By *ebjonnsonMan over a year ago

Maldon

I know a couple where the husband said “you’ve six months to drop the weight or I leave”.

He was / is a nasty cunt though. Quite a well known motorcycle rider in his day. She is lovely and certainly wasn’t overweight. She’s now very happy in a second marriage, he’s an ageing playboy.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

What are your aims in gong to the gym?

Build muscle? (Lifting heavy weights)

Tone up?

Lose body fat?

Important to have a gym plan and diet that support your aims, and that activity levels on the non-gym days also support those aims.

Even if you’re burning massive amounts of calories in those gym visits, it doesn’t take long to undo those sessions, and any inactive days will quickly counteract the gym work.

I didn't ask for gym advice, thanks all the same. I was simply stating that not all fat people are lazy or lack motivation as was implied.

I know youre not replying directly to me, but i didnt imply anywhere that all fat people are lazy or lack motivation "

'No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc'

This you?!

Implies that anyone without a medical issue lacks motivation and is lazy. At least that's how I read it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

Its the same for men. Men are also considered more attractive if carrying less fat. Theres no difference

I never said there was. My point is if it is about losing weight then everyone is supportive and happy but if it’s the other way around and you have gained weight, it’s a whole other story. "

I don't think anyone is supportive and happy when people they know lose more weight than is healthy.

And in general (taking account of illness and ED's) they have done it intentionally and welcome the support.

I'm not promoting shaming anyone for their bodies but do you suggest we support people to gain weight?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I fell in love with her, not her current figure.

Of course there’s people like that, but it’s horrible, and I’d be pretty hurt if my body was all that kept us together.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

There is bias towards losing weight - therefore improving as opposed to staying overweight or putting weight on and having no self discipline.

On the last part we can agree - we can’t continue as we are but until we stop treating overweight people all the same and start getting to grips with the issues then it will always be the same. You only have to read this cross section of comments to see the issues and lack of understanding around it.

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By *ananaman41Man over a year ago

Dublin

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

What are your aims in gong to the gym?

Build muscle? (Lifting heavy weights)

Tone up?

Lose body fat?

Important to have a gym plan and diet that support your aims, and that activity levels on the non-gym days also support those aims.

Even if you’re burning massive amounts of calories in those gym visits, it doesn’t take long to undo those sessions, and any inactive days will quickly counteract the gym work.

I didn't ask for gym advice, thanks all the same. I was simply stating that not all fat people are lazy or lack motivation as was implied.

I know youre not replying directly to me, but i didnt imply anywhere that all fat people are lazy or lack motivation

'No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc'

This you?!

Implies that anyone without a medical issue lacks motivation and is lazy. At least that's how I read it.

Nope, not implying anything. Merely stating that reasons/excuses such as those I dont consider valid

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

Its the same for men. Men are also considered more attractive if carrying less fat. Theres no difference

I never said there was. My point is if it is about losing weight then everyone is supportive and happy but if it’s the other way around and you have gained weight, it’s a whole other story.

I don't think anyone is supportive and happy when people they know lose more weight than is healthy.

And in general (taking account of illness and ED's) they have done it intentionally and welcome the support.

I'm not promoting shaming anyone for their bodies but do you suggest we support people to gain weight?"

We are not talking about underweight people but even if we were, it is only when it gets to the extremes that people become concerned. It is far more socially acceptable to be underweight than over. It is also supported far more in the medical field and underweight people are not judged in the same way.

Did I say support people to gain weight? I pretty sure I didn’t. I feel there needs to be a greater understanding of the problem and more support instead of what happens now.

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By *entBarryUKMan over a year ago

Ashford

My wife is curvy and I love it.

When my uncle met her he said "so you will be slimming down to fit the wedding dress then".

I nearly punched him and haven't spoken to him since.

I hate people who think other people should fit their preferred 'size and shape'. People gain weight and lose weight naturally, it's just life. So the arse mentioned in the OPs first post needs a slap with a cold kipper. Hard.

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By *lex.and.SexCouple over a year ago

Bedale

I wouldn't, I'm attracted to the person, not their body mass. For the most part. Obviously there are limits, I couldn't be married to someone from my 600lb life, but that would be as much about their lifestyle choices as it would about lack of attraction.

That being said, I don't necessarily condemn those that do hold these views. Ultimately relationships have a degree of transactionality to them and if the basis of your relationship is that party A brings to the table a fitness and particular level of attractiveness that they work to maintain, and are clear from the start that they expect that in a partner then I don't see that there is anything inherently wrong with that. Any more than there is in setting the red line that they are against drug use and therefore expect their partner to be.

It's easy to frame that as controlling behaviour, because it's convenient to some of our biases, but in reality it's a person's choice whether they want to be with a person who has such stipulations and noone is entitled to a relationship from someone else.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

There is bias towards losing weight - therefore improving as opposed to staying overweight or putting weight on and having no self discipline.

I think perhaps the "bias" to focus on losing weight comes simply from the fact that about 60 per cent of people are over their healthy weight and a much much smaller percentage are under their healthy weight. (precise numbers made up but are out there in Internet land).

If anything, in fabland... The "real women" are celebrated and embraced a lot more than the "bag of bones". (those aren't my labels by the way!)

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

Weight is a complex issue and feeling a pressure from a partner regarding will simply compound the issue.

In answer: no, I wouldn’t split up with someone for putting weight on. I know this because I would be in love with that person if I was in a relationship with them and love transcends the physical.

Is weight really a complex issue?

Aside from anything medically linked, whats so complex about it?

Would you ask an anorexic if putting on weight was really such a complex issue to them? Would you dismiss so easily any notion of mental struggle?

Ive already said 'aside from anything medically linked', have i not?

You're right you did and I perhaps incorrectly assumed you meant physical illness as so many comments such as this fail to recognise the mental issues that go along with weight loss and gain.

No, im including any and all medical issues.

However i am not including lack of motivation, laziness etc

I go to the gym upwards of 3 times a week, lift heavy weights etc. I am far from lazy or unmotivated. I am still fat though

What are your aims in gong to the gym?

Build muscle? (Lifting heavy weights)

Tone up?

Lose body fat?

Important to have a gym plan and diet that support your aims, and that activity levels on the non-gym days also support those aims.

Even if you’re burning massive amounts of calories in those gym visits, it doesn’t take long to undo those sessions, and any inactive days will quickly counteract the gym work.

I didn't ask for gym advice, thanks all the same. I was simply stating that not all fat people are lazy or lack motivation as was implied. "

Fair enough. But quite often, people put in effort and get frustrated that they are not getting the results that they hoped for … because their overall plan was never going to support the outcome that they were hooking for.

I made this mistake misled about 10 years ago, was going to the gym 4 days a week, was generally very active, but I still had a decent spare tyre. A couple of tweaks to the gym work I was doing, and to my diet, and I lost 12kgs over a period of a few months.

The best advice and progress I’ve ever had had been conversations with physios rather than PT’s.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

What's significant to me is that the people taking part in that show are basing their initial feelings on their partner purely on physical attraction. They've never seen the person before they get 'married' their first impressions are solely based on looks I'm not surprised that at least one of them places a high priority on physical attraction

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By *m3232Man over a year ago

maidenhead

He is narrow minded and a bit on the stupid side. Like most of them on the show are not what you would call normal people.

Being normal doesn’t make for great tv though. I watch it but they are geared towards entertainment.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

There is bias towards losing weight - therefore improving as opposed to staying overweight or putting weight on and having no self discipline.

If anything, in fabland... The "real women" are celebrated and embraced a lot more than the "bag of bones". (those aren't my labels by the way!) "

Wouldn’t you think that people would be more supportive and willing to hear the issues around weight in that case?

As far as fab land goes - overweight women should be grateful and the men that like overweight women are desperate. That’s my take on how it comes across when we get into threads about weight.

People can accept that men find slim women attractive but can’t accept that some men are attracted to overweight women. There always has to be a reason why they would be - the woman is an easy lay, she’ll be grateful etc etc.

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By *ad boy maverickMan over a year ago

basildon

There's a lot of women who won't look at a bald man. And I should know as I Lost most of mine by the time I was 27 ? There's also plenty who won't touch a guy if he has body hair ?

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

There is bias towards losing weight - therefore improving as opposed to staying overweight or putting weight on and having no self discipline.

If anything, in fabland... The "real women" are celebrated and embraced a lot more than the "bag of bones". (those aren't my labels by the way!) "

Agreed. Being overweight is unhealthy, and the alleged “bias” is based on trying to encourage healthier lifestyles.

And completely agree re the characterisation of larger (fun / real) women vs slim women, this is something I have posted on many times. Massive double standards, celebrating larger women whole demonising slim women.

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

"What's significant to me is that the people taking part in that show are basing their initial feelings on their partner purely on physical attraction. They've never seen the person before they get 'married' their first impressions are solely based on looks I'm not surprised that at least one of them places a high priority on physical attraction "

Very true. I can’t understand how anyone would watch this shit in the first place, never mind take it seriously.

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By *orkshrCplCouple over a year ago

Ripon

I know that after 20years together and two kids my body has changed, luckily Mr YC loves me for me x

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

There is bias towards losing weight - therefore improving as opposed to staying overweight or putting weight on and having no self discipline.

If anything, in fabland... The "real women" are celebrated and embraced a lot more than the "bag of bones". (those aren't my labels by the way!)

Agreed. Being overweight is unhealthy, and the alleged “bias” is based on trying to encourage healthier lifestyles.

Encouraging healthier lifestyles?

people have a funny way of doing that. ‘Eat less, exercise’ won’t change anything.

You miss the point about threads like that. It is socially acceptable for a man to find a slim woman attract and it is not acceptable for a man to find an overweight woman attractive. Women can quite often be the worst for acknowledging that. I don’t think slim women are demonised, but I accept there will be always one or two people who comment in an unpleasant way on any subject. For overweight women those comments are constant and evident in every aspect of their life not just on fab.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

Aside from weight, women are expected to maintain looking young while it’s more socially acceptable for men to be ‘silver foxes’.

As for the show, is this the same guy that has a record of controlling behaviour and abuse to his previous ex’s. Or someone else? I don’t watch the show but an article online about it.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

Its the same for men. Men are also considered more attractive if carrying less fat. Theres no difference

I never said there was. My point is if it is about losing weight then everyone is supportive and happy but if it’s the other way around and you have gained weight, it’s a whole other story.

I’d probably say it’s much more acceptable for men to put on weight than it is women

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Also it’s probably fair to say the question is a little ambiguous

I wouldn’t even a marriage because her favourite jeans are a little tighter these days

But if I married a size 4 and she’s not a size 18? Very different situation

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

There is bias towards losing weight - therefore improving as opposed to staying overweight or putting weight on and having no self discipline.

If anything, in fabland... The "real women" are celebrated and embraced a lot more than the "bag of bones". (those aren't my labels by the way!)

Wouldn’t you think that people would be more supportive and willing to hear the issues around weight in that case?

As far as fab land goes - overweight women should be grateful and the men that like overweight women are desperate. That’s my take on how it comes across when we get into threads about weight.

Not once have I ever seen the term “real woman” being used to refer to slim, athletic or petite women. The suggestion is always that “real” women are larger in build, and those who don’t conform to that body image are not “real women”. It’s an odd double standard … starts out as celebrating all body shapes but then excludes one type … the “skinny bitches” as Meaghan traynor calls them

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

"Also it’s probably fair to say the question is a little ambiguous

I wouldn’t even a marriage because her favourite jeans are a little tighter these days

But if I married a size 4 and she’s not a size 18? Very different situation "

If the size of a woman’s arse is a make or break issue for you in a relationship, then that’s not a relationship that is ever going to last.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Also it’s probably fair to say the question is a little ambiguous

I wouldn’t even a marriage because her favourite jeans are a little tighter these days

But if I married a size 4 and she’s not a size 18? Very different situation

If the size of a woman’s arse is a make or break issue for you in a relationship, then that’s not a relationship that is ever going to last. "

But that’s an opinion and not a fact right? Because we’re all different and some people value physical attraction more then others

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Catching up on some episodes of married at first sight.

One of the husbands said if he’s in a relationship and a woman put weight on, unless it was for medical reasons, he would not want to be with her.

I was shocked he said that. I wonder how many people have this preference. If you fell in love with someone and were in great relationship, would you leave them just because they put weight on?

I couldn’t imagine that, but then on the other hand is it so important to some people that’d it be a deal breaker?"

I don’t watch the show but saw an article on social media about one guy who has a history of abuse. Is this the same guy? If anyone said that to me in the first instance I’d just not even entertain the idea of a relationship with him. People change in looks, we all get old and saggy, some of us get fatter, some of us get slimmer, some of us get uglier. We will never look physically the same as the person you started the relationship with. Looks aren’t going to hold a relationship together in the long run, so many more variants and that being the one thing he talks about over anything else would be a red flag.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

There is bias towards losing weight - therefore improving as opposed to staying overweight or putting weight on and having no self discipline.

If anything, in fabland... The "real women" are celebrated and embraced a lot more than the "bag of bones". (those aren't my labels by the way!)

Wouldn’t you think that people would be more supportive and willing to hear the issues around weight in that case?

As far as fab land goes - overweight women should be grateful and the men that like overweight women are desperate. That’s my take on how it comes across when we get into threads about weight.

Maybe not that term but overweight people are called many other things, daily. Lazy being one of them. Thin people can and are lazy. There is a double standard right there for you.

Being underweight is unhealthy, but it isn’t seen that way, indeed you didn’t mention that, you only said being overweight was unhealthy. Everything is polarised on here - it’s obese and anorexic and there is a whole if of other things in the middle.

My point still stands, the support and understanding about the complex issues around weight is just not there. Nothing will change until it is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Catching up on some episodes of married at first sight.

One of the husbands said if he’s in a relationship and a woman put weight on, unless it was for medical reasons, he would not want to be with her.

I was shocked he said that. I wonder how many people have this preference. If you fell in love with someone and were in great relationship, would you leave them just because they put weight on?

I couldn’t imagine that, but then on the other hand is it so important to some people that’d it be a deal breaker?

Aside from medical reasons what about psychological reasons? Why aren’t they valid reasons to some?

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"I also can't help feeling the thread would go in a different way if it were titled.. "woman dumps man for putting weight in" or "man dumps woman for losing weight"

Well that would be the same for any topic covered in the forums where it stipulates ‘men’ or ‘women’ doing something.

But with this particular debate a woman losing weight would be considered good and healthy and therefore supported because that’s the bias against people that are overweight.

There is bias towards losing weight - therefore improving as opposed to staying overweight or putting weight on and having no self discipline.

If anything, in fabland... The "real women" are celebrated and embraced a lot more than the "bag of bones". (those aren't my labels by the way!)

Wouldn’t you think that people would be more supportive and willing to hear the issues around weight in that case?

As far as fab land goes - overweight women should be grateful and the men that like overweight women are desperate. That’s my take on how it comes across when we get into threads about weight.

You do know you can be petite, overweight and wear larger clothes don’t you?

petite is not necessarily thin or the correct weight.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think anyone is supportive and happy when people they know lose more weight than is healthy.

And in general (taking account of illness and ED's) they have done it intentionally and welcome the support.

I'm not promoting shaming anyone for their bodies but do you suggest we support people to gain weight?

Did I say support people to gain weight? I pretty sure I didn’t. I feel there needs to be a greater understanding of the problem and more support instead of what happens now. "

No you didnt I asked to clarify.

I agree with most of what you are saying but again of we aren't talking about underweight people then that is why it's more supported because one is usually done with intent and one isn't.

But again I agree that there should be more compassion and understanding for all weight issues

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By *immyinreadingMan over a year ago

henley on thames

"Also it’s probably fair to say the question is a little ambiguous

I wouldn’t even a marriage because her favourite jeans are a little tighter these days

But if I married a size 4 and she’s not a size 18? Very different situation

If the size of a woman’s arse is a make or break issue for you in a relationship, then that’s not a relationship that is ever going to last.

But that’s an opinion and not a fact right? Because we’re all different and some people value physical attraction more then others "

Physical attraction plays a definite role initially. My point stands though, that if dress size is make or break then the relationship is ultimately doomed. Arse size, wrinkles, sagging, grey hair, cellulite … if any of these things make your partner less attractive to you then you’re not going to stay with them in the long run.

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By *ebjonnsonMan over a year ago

Maldon

What about the other way around. The woman has kept herself in trim but the husband has a massive beer belly?

Seeing plenty of this out here in Spain just now - Brits, Dutch, Belgians in particular. See them walking - she’s made an effort for the evening, he’s put on his least grubby shorts & tee shirt and looks a mess.

Come on men - up your game!

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

I don't think anyone is supportive and happy when people they know lose more weight than is healthy.

And in general (taking account of illness and ED's) they have done it intentionally and welcome the support.

I'm not promoting shaming anyone for their bodies but do you suggest we support people to gain weight?

Did I say support people to gain weight? I pretty sure I didn’t. I feel there needs to be a greater understanding of the problem and more support instead of what happens now.

No you didnt I asked to clarify.

I agree with most of what you are saying but again of we aren't talking about underweight people then that is why it's more supported because one is usually done with intent and one isn't.

But again I agree that there should be more compassion and understanding for all weight issues"

Thank you for clarifying but weight loss and/or gain are often not intentional.

You can just see on this thread alone that there is a huge lack of understanding.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think anyone is supportive and happy when people they know lose more weight than is healthy.

And in general (taking account of illness and ED's) they have done it intentionally and welcome the support.

I'm not promoting shaming anyone for their bodies but do you suggest we support people to gain weight?

Did I say support people to gain weight? I pretty sure I didn’t. I feel there needs to be a greater understanding of the problem and more support instead of what happens now.

No you didnt I asked to clarify.

I agree with most of what you are saying but again of we aren't talking about underweight people then that is why it's more supported because one is usually done with intent and one isn't.

But again I agree that there should be more compassion and understanding for all weight issues

Thank you for clarifying but weight loss and/or gain are often not intentional.

You can just see on this thread alone that there is a huge lack of understanding. "

I would say loss is intentional in more cases rightly or wrongly look at the massive industry that has grown around it. Which was kinda my point. But yes alot of it comes from misunderstanding