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Do you ?
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"I just seek sex, OP. Rarely find it though "Knock at my door and I can promise we will practice good sex that will let ourselves feel validated and emptied at the same time x | |||
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"Yes. If men don't want to fuck me I have no worth. " Me too | |||
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"I dont know what that means " I still  you | |||
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"Do you seek validation through sex ? " No. Otherwise i'd call myself Gemma n go on MAFS UK | |||
"I dont know what that means I still you "i like you too | |||
"I used to when I was in my late teens/early twenties. Not anymore though as I felt a lot of regret and shame afterwards. K" Back then did you get self-assured because of the compliments and recognition you were receiving through sex ? | |||
"Do you seek validation through sex ? No. Otherwise i'd call myself Gemma n go on MAFS UK " You do like a Gemma to be fair | |||
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"Is this like parking for your willy?" Only in reverse though | |||
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"I used to when I was in my late teens/early twenties. Not anymore though as I felt a lot of regret and shame afterwards. K Back then did you get self-assured because of the compliments and recognition you were receiving through sex ? " Sort of. As a plus size woman I have always been bullied for the way I look so it felt nice when someone was interested in me and thought I was good in bed. I didn't feel quite as good when I wasn't good enough for dating for any of those men as they did not want to be seen with me in public. I'm glad those times are over 
K | |||
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"I used to when I was in my late teens/early twenties. Not anymore though as I felt a lot of regret and shame afterwards. K Back then did you get self-assured because of the compliments and recognition you were receiving through sex ? Sort of. As a plus size woman I have always been bullied for the way I look so it felt nice when someone was interested in me and thought I was good in bed. I didn't feel quite as good when I wasn't good enough for dating for any of those men as they did not want to be seen with me in public. I'm glad those times are over
K"I can relate to some of that. I was always bullied because of my size. It had a slightly different effect on me though, I just thought anyone that liked me would think I was an easy lay because I was the big girl and all big girls are grateful. As a consequence there was no way I was letting them near me | |||
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"I’m guilty of looking for validation through many things but definitely not through rough sex. Not trying to kink shame anyone who likes that kind of thing but I can think of few things worse." The op didn't mention rough sex | |||
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"Do you seek validation through sex ? " If it gets me free parking…then yes.  | |||
"I’m guilty of looking for validation through many things but definitely not through rough sex. Not trying to kink shame anyone who likes that kind of thing but I can think of few things worse. The op didn't mention rough sex" Oops, my bad not sure where I got that from , think I need to go have a nap. Probably yes then, I do get validation amongst other things anyway | |||
"I dont know what that means I still you "Get a room you two ffs   | |||
"Do you seek validation through sex ? " No. I'm confident of my own self worth and always have been. Nita | |||
"It's a bit like asking someone rich and someone poor if money makes you happy. Those who have sex regularly probably feel it's not necessarily for validation, but if you can't get it, or even less the hint of a date, then yes, it will play a large part in validation of who you are. It's basic human nature. To deny it is to deny what's driven us throughout evolution. Our whole purpose is to procreate after all. Three years single and not even a coffee date since January and I can tell you it's big fucking part of your validation. As it stands I'm a pair of shoes on this planet with precisely zero purpose. " I don't disagree with what you say except that wanting sex and thinking that getting validates you are two different things. Also .... the importance you place on anything can be altered. Change your attitude toward it and value yourself in different ways. Monks do | |||
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"It's a bit like asking someone rich and someone poor if money makes you happy. Those who have sex regularly probably feel it's not necessarily for validation, but if you can't get it, or even less the hint of a date, then yes, it will play a large part in validation of who you are. It's basic human nature. To deny it is to deny what's driven us throughout evolution. Our whole purpose is to procreate after all. Three years single and not even a coffee date since January and I can tell you it's big fucking part of your validation. As it stands I'm a pair of shoes on this planet with precisely zero purpose. I don't disagree with what you say except that wanting sex and thinking that getting validates you are two different things. Also .... the importance you place on anything can be altered. Change your attitude toward it and value yourself in different ways. Monks do "I have no intention of becoming a monk, although the step wouldn't be that far tbf. | |||
"Do you seek validation through sex ? " I absolutely do (as well as damp knickers ) | |||
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"Do you seek validation through sex ? " Nope. I seek - and find - considerable pleasure through sex. Validation I get from the people I care most about - family and good friends. | |||
"No. I have sex for pleasure and to unwind. It’s like a massage for the vagina. Soothing and relaxing. " And sometimes the sex has been too good and it’s made me stay in relationships that weren’t the best for me. Never underestimate the power of a good dicking! | |||
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"No, but I’ll openly admit to feeling a certain thrill from receiving a compliment. It ends there though - I wouldn’t then go on and have sex with that person just because the compliments felt good." Oh yes I understand that and wasn’t implying that per se but ultimately if you have sex with a person, does it validate you somehow ? | |||
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"I used to when I was in my late teens/early twenties. Not anymore though as I felt a lot of regret and shame afterwards. K Back then did you get self-assured because of the compliments and recognition you were receiving through sex ? Sort of. As a plus size woman I have always been bullied for the way I look so it felt nice when someone was interested in me and thought I was good in bed. I didn't feel quite as good when I wasn't good enough for dating for any of those men as they did not want to be seen with me in public. I'm glad those times are over
K
I can relate to some of that. I was always bullied because of my size. It had a slightly different effect on me though, I just thought anyone that liked me would think I was an easy lay because I was the big girl and all big girls are grateful. As a consequence there was no way I was letting them near me "Interesting | |||
"No, unless you fancy a go OP? "With you anytime but not right now as I am writing from the loo x | |||
"No. I like to think I'm a little choosy, and won't just fuck anyone that shows an interest in order to feel validated" Oh I get you but sometimes it more subtle and we don’t see it as it is. | |||
"Hi, I'm Tina Titz and who needs validation when you go to a club with Jellybabies? " best way to be the most important in the room | |||
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"No, unless you fancy a go OP?
With you anytime but not right now as I am writing from the loo x"TMI | |||
"Validation for what and of what?" Well Nero, as you mean know, we are before and after all social creatures, and sex is a social activity or sex-tivity if I may say. Therefore, I was wondering if self esteem through social validation could or should be attained through sex. | |||
"No, unless you fancy a go OP?
With you anytime but not right now as I am writing from the loo x
TMI "You are welcome x | |||
"Do you seek validation through sex ? " Not intentionally. | |||
"I've became friends with my right hand we meet every day "Send it my regards x | |||
"Do you seek validation through sex ? Not intentionally." Yes I agree with you there. We certainly do but are unaware of it | |||
"No, but I’ll openly admit to feeling a certain thrill from receiving a compliment. It ends there though - I wouldn’t then go on and have sex with that person just because the compliments felt good. Oh yes I understand that and wasn’t implying that per se but ultimately if you have sex with a person, does it validate you somehow ? " I’ve given this a lot of thought. A lot of honest thought. And I have to say nope | |||
"No. I have sex for pleasure and to unwind. It’s like a massage for the vagina. Soothing and relaxing. And sometimes the sex has been too good and it’s made me stay in relationships that weren’t the best for me. Never underestimate the power of a good dicking!" Taking notes there | |||
"No, but I’ll openly admit to feeling a certain thrill from receiving a compliment. It ends there though - I wouldn’t then go on and have sex with that person just because the compliments felt good. Oh yes I understand that and wasn’t implying that per se but ultimately if you have sex with a person, does it validate you somehow ? I’ve given this a lot of thought. A lot of honest thought. And I have to say nope "Good for you that’s how it should be | |||
"What’s sex? "Don’t know yet as I am still investigating the question | |||
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"It's a bit like asking someone rich and someone poor if money makes you happy. Those who have sex regularly probably feel it's not necessarily for validation, but if you can't get it, or even less the hint of a date, then yes, it will play a large part in validation of who you are. " Oh yes you have a point there. Contingent on how much sex you get you’ll have a total different output, experience and reason behind looking for it. Yet, don’t you think that even the ones who practice it on a regular basis, it then continually reaffirms that they are desirable, sexy, and attractive to a certain extent ? "It's basic human nature. To deny it is to deny what's driven us throughout evolution. Our whole purpose is to procreate after all. Three years single and not even a coffee date since January and I can tell you it's big fucking part of your validation. As it stands I'm a pair of shoes on this planet with precisely zero purpose. " So getting a meet tomorrow and having a great shag won’t change your opinion ? | |||
"It's a bit like asking someone rich and someone poor if money makes you happy. Those who have sex regularly probably feel it's not necessarily for validation, but if you can't get it, or even less the hint of a date, then yes, it will play a large part in validation of who you are. Oh yes you have a point there. Contingent on how much sex you get you’ll have a total different output, experience and reason behind looking for it. Yet, don’t you think that even the ones who practice it on a regular basis, it then continually reaffirms that they are desirable, sexy, and attractive to a certain extent ? It's basic human nature. To deny it is to deny what's driven us throughout evolution. Our whole purpose is to procreate after all. Three years single and not even a coffee date since January and I can tell you it's big fucking part of your validation. As it stands I'm a pair of shoes on this planet with precisely zero purpose. So getting a meet tomorrow and having a great shag won’t change your opinion ? " I'm sure if I did get a meet tomorrow and a great shag I'd feel better about myself but it's not really going to happen, is it? It's a bit like the Maslow staircase; if you get it, you move on to the next one, and so on. I'm sure there are people who get it all the time who still feel "unvalidated". I can't speak for them, just for me. I came out of an abusive relationship where my partner would constantly put me down and gaslight me. Sex was obviously withheld, whereas she cheated openly. It's actually how I found this place. I was constantly told I was no good, that no one would want me, that I was unattractive, unfit, and had no friends. I finally managed to leave, and it took a while to get over that level of mental abuse. I relied heavily on my friends to give me validation that I was actually someone nice, someone funny and sociable, and that gave me validation in a sense. But in the three years since I've not had a single relationship. A few one or two offs. And that makes me think that she was right. I'm ok "as a friend" but I'm not "good enough" for even a coffee, much less for someone to spread their legs for me. So I've become this sort of "noble single". The guy who everyone knows is just single but can't figure out why. People ask me why, but what do I say? That I'm just never "good enough"? Maybe I'm just an asshole and she was right all along? These thoughts don't help, so I try to get through it when they appear. It's like pushing through a membrane, it's tough for a while, so I go on here, on the dating sites, try to open myself up, and then come away with nothing again. And then i settle back into the single routine again. So no, having a great shag tomorrow wouldn't change my opinion because it's not going to happen because by then I'll be back at work, and a little bit more scarred. | |||
"It's a bit like asking someone rich and someone poor if money makes you happy. Those who have sex regularly probably feel it's not necessarily for validation, but if you can't get it, or even less the hint of a date, then yes, it will play a large part in validation of who you are. Oh yes you have a point there. Contingent on how much sex you get you’ll have a total different output, experience and reason behind looking for it. Yet, don’t you think that even the ones who practice it on a regular basis, it then continually reaffirms that they are desirable, sexy, and attractive to a certain extent ? It's basic human nature. To deny it is to deny what's driven us throughout evolution. Our whole purpose is to procreate after all. Three years single and not even a coffee date since January and I can tell you it's big fucking part of your validation. As it stands I'm a pair of shoes on this planet with precisely zero purpose. So getting a meet tomorrow and having a great shag won’t change your opinion ? I'm sure if I did get a meet tomorrow and a great shag I'd feel better about myself but it's not really going to happen, is it? It's a bit like the Maslow staircase; if you get it, you move on to the next one, and so on. I'm sure there are people who get it all the time who still feel "unvalidated". I can't speak for them, just for me. I came out of an abusive relationship where my partner would constantly put me down and gaslight me. Sex was obviously withheld, whereas she cheated openly. It's actually how I found this place. I was constantly told I was no good, that no one would want me, that I was unattractive, unfit, and had no friends. I finally managed to leave, and it took a while to get over that level of mental abuse. I relied heavily on my friends to give me validation that I was actually someone nice, someone funny and sociable, and that gave me validation in a sense. But in the three years since I've not had a single relationship. A few one or two offs. And that makes me think that she was right. I'm ok "as a friend" but I'm not "good enough" for even a coffee, much less for someone to spread their legs for me. So I've become this sort of "noble single". The guy who everyone knows is just single but can't figure out why. People ask me why, but what do I say? That I'm just never "good enough"? Maybe I'm just an asshole and she was right all along? These thoughts don't help, so I try to get through it when they appear. It's like pushing through a membrane, it's tough for a while, so I go on here, on the dating sites, try to open myself up, and then come away with nothing again. And then i settle back into the single routine again. So no, having a great shag tomorrow wouldn't change my opinion because it's not going to happen because by then I'll be back at work, and a little bit more scarred. " First of all sorry for what happened to you. In a way do you think that she used sex in the opposite direction towards you? I mean like to invalidate you and make you feel worthless ? Do you want to take this conversation privately ? | |||
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"It's a bit like asking someone rich and someone poor if money makes you happy. Those who have sex regularly probably feel it's not necessarily for validation, but if you can't get it, or even less the hint of a date, then yes, it will play a large part in validation of who you are. Oh yes you have a point there. Contingent on how much sex you get you’ll have a total different output, experience and reason behind looking for it. Yet, don’t you think that even the ones who practice it on a regular basis, it then continually reaffirms that they are desirable, sexy, and attractive to a certain extent ? It's basic human nature. To deny it is to deny what's driven us throughout evolution. Our whole purpose is to procreate after all. Three years single and not even a coffee date since January and I can tell you it's big fucking part of your validation. As it stands I'm a pair of shoes on this planet with precisely zero purpose. So getting a meet tomorrow and having a great shag won’t change your opinion ? I'm sure if I did get a meet tomorrow and a great shag I'd feel better about myself but it's not really going to happen, is it? It's a bit like the Maslow staircase; if you get it, you move on to the next one, and so on. I'm sure there are people who get it all the time who still feel "unvalidated". I can't speak for them, just for me. I came out of an abusive relationship where my partner would constantly put me down and gaslight me. Sex was obviously withheld, whereas she cheated openly. It's actually how I found this place. I was constantly told I was no good, that no one would want me, that I was unattractive, unfit, and had no friends. I finally managed to leave, and it took a while to get over that level of mental abuse. I relied heavily on my friends to give me validation that I was actually someone nice, someone funny and sociable, and that gave me validation in a sense. But in the three years since I've not had a single relationship. A few one or two offs. And that makes me think that she was right. I'm ok "as a friend" but I'm not "good enough" for even a coffee, much less for someone to spread their legs for me. So I've become this sort of "noble single". The guy who everyone knows is just single but can't figure out why. People ask me why, but what do I say? That I'm just never "good enough"? Maybe I'm just an asshole and she was right all along? These thoughts don't help, so I try to get through it when they appear. It's like pushing through a membrane, it's tough for a while, so I go on here, on the dating sites, try to open myself up, and then come away with nothing again. And then i settle back into the single routine again. So no, having a great shag tomorrow wouldn't change my opinion because it's not going to happen because by then I'll be back at work, and a little bit more scarred. First of all sorry for what happened to you. In a way do you think that she used sex in the opposite direction towards you? I mean like to invalidate you and make you feel worthless ? Do you want to take this conversation privately ? " No, it's fine, just venting... It was used as control. To keep me there. Classic gaslighting. | |||
"No. I seek payment. "Do you take credit card ?? Or do you have Revolut ? | |||
"It's a bit like asking someone rich and someone poor if money makes you happy. Those who have sex regularly probably feel it's not necessarily for validation, but if you can't get it, or even less the hint of a date, then yes, it will play a large part in validation of who you are. Oh yes you have a point there. Contingent on how much sex you get you’ll have a total different output, experience and reason behind looking for it. Yet, don’t you think that even the ones who practice it on a regular basis, it then continually reaffirms that they are desirable, sexy, and attractive to a certain extent ? It's basic human nature. To deny it is to deny what's driven us throughout evolution. Our whole purpose is to procreate after all. Three years single and not even a coffee date since January and I can tell you it's big fucking part of your validation. As it stands I'm a pair of shoes on this planet with precisely zero purpose. So getting a meet tomorrow and having a great shag won’t change your opinion ? I'm sure if I did get a meet tomorrow and a great shag I'd feel better about myself but it's not really going to happen, is it? It's a bit like the Maslow staircase; if you get it, you move on to the next one, and so on. I'm sure there are people who get it all the time who still feel "unvalidated". I can't speak for them, just for me. I came out of an abusive relationship where my partner would constantly put me down and gaslight me. Sex was obviously withheld, whereas she cheated openly. It's actually how I found this place. I was constantly told I was no good, that no one would want me, that I was unattractive, unfit, and had no friends. I finally managed to leave, and it took a while to get over that level of mental abuse. I relied heavily on my friends to give me validation that I was actually someone nice, someone funny and sociable, and that gave me validation in a sense. But in the three years since I've not had a single relationship. A few one or two offs. And that makes me think that she was right. I'm ok "as a friend" but I'm not "good enough" for even a coffee, much less for someone to spread their legs for me. So I've become this sort of "noble single". The guy who everyone knows is just single but can't figure out why. People ask me why, but what do I say? That I'm just never "good enough"? Maybe I'm just an asshole and she was right all along? These thoughts don't help, so I try to get through it when they appear. It's like pushing through a membrane, it's tough for a while, so I go on here, on the dating sites, try to open myself up, and then come away with nothing again. And then i settle back into the single routine again. So no, having a great shag tomorrow wouldn't change my opinion because it's not going to happen because by then I'll be back at work, and a little bit more scarred. First of all sorry for what happened to you. In a way do you think that she used sex in the opposite direction towards you? I mean like to invalidate you and make you feel worthless ? Do you want to take this conversation privately ? No, it's fine, just venting... It was used as control. To keep me there. Classic gaslighting." Unfortunately that’s what some ppl do and excel for it. Understood but if you ever want to talk about it privately, you know where I am. | |||
"No. I seek payment.
Do you take credit card ?? Or do you have Revolut ? "With the way things are going, its batteries and wooly jumpers this month | |||
"No. I seek payment.
Do you take credit card ?? Or do you have Revolut ?
With the way things are going, its batteries and wooly jumpers this month " getting the knitting stuffs out in order to get laid | |||
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"I dont know what that means I still you i like you too"I like to to | |||
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V x
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"Trooper - she’s an asshole. Honestly being gaslit & controlled will take time to get over. None of this is on you, but sadly it is you that will (and does) feel it. " Thanks. It takes a while to get through it. | |||
"Trooper - she’s an asshole. Honestly being gaslit & controlled will take time to get over. None of this is on you, but sadly it is you that will (and does) feel it. Thanks. It takes a while to get through it." Yup. It will do I’m afraid. But keep at it - honestly x | |||
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"Nope. I like sex, always have been able to have sex on my terms without the feels (of course sex and feels is awesome). Can’t deny I love going to a club and being popular. It’s a great, albeit temporary, feeling. I love being desired and I love making someone feel the same. But I don’t need or want to be validated by anyone. Got my shit together .
V x
"Ok so you are not seeking it but do you think you still get it somehow through sex ? | |||
"Nope. I like sex, always have been able to have sex on my terms without the feels (of course sex and feels is awesome). Can’t deny I love going to a club and being popular. It’s a great, albeit temporary, feeling. I love being desired and I love making someone feel the same. But I don’t need or want to be validated by anyone. Got my shit together .
V x
Ok so you are not seeking it but do you think you still get it somehow through sex ? "Nope. V x | |||
