FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Male sexuality
Male sexuality
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I'm straight but have no problem with mf couples but would not perform sexual acts on men or in my case want them to perform them on me.
But I see a lot of "straight" men on here that enjoy giving oral to their men even swallowing their cum.
Am I a prude or are the lines blurred somehow, or is it that they are bi but don't want to admit it?
So my question is to all you good straight or bi folks male and female draw the line between straight and bisexual. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I’m happy enough in my sexuality that I have performed CBT on male subs.
If anything I see people like this as hete exible, in that their sexual preferences can change depending on the situation at hand.
However, I wouldn’t get too hung up on labels or what other people get up to. Just focus on your own enjoyment. |
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Everyone's line and boundaries will be different & possibly they'll change over time, especially somewhere like fab
Best to not worry about how people choose to label themselves & just focus on yourself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They are *not* straight!!
The whole "oh they can identify their sexuality however they like" is total and utter bollocks.  "
This.
Fab straight or spaghetti straight, as soon as you start dunking it it goes all bendy  |
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I suppose it depends on how you wish to define sexuality. For me men don't turn me on I need a woman to do that however in the heat of a mmf could I honestly say that I'd be repulsed by a man's touch or that I'd be repulsed by touching a man I'm not sure I would be. Pigeon holing folks into one thing or saying well you must be bi because you allowed such n such is to me pointless - many of us (and I suspect a lot more than care to admit) are on a journey of discovery as I often say you don't know what you don't know.  |
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"I suppose it depends on how you wish to define sexuality. For me men don't turn me on I need a woman to do that however in the heat of a mmf could I honestly say that I'd be repulsed by a man's touch or that I'd be repulsed by touching a man I'm not sure I would be. Pigeon holing folks into one thing or saying well you must be bi because you allowed such n such is to me pointless - many of us (and I suspect a lot more than care to admit) are on a journey of discovery as I often say you don't know what you don't know. "
Quite an astute analysis. Could never imagine a scenario where I (Mr) would have any interaction whatsoever in a one to one with a guy, however, together with Mrs Skyblue I am not put off by another guys touch or vice versa when playing with Mrs and spoiling her. |
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"I suppose it depends on how you wish to define sexuality. For me men don't turn me on I need a woman to do that however in the heat of a mmf could I honestly say that I'd be repulsed by a man's touch or that I'd be repulsed by touching a man I'm not sure I would be. Pigeon holing folks into one thing or saying well you must be bi because you allowed such n such is to me pointless - many of us (and I suspect a lot more than care to admit) are on a journey of discovery as I often say you don't know what you don't know. "
We just go with the flow..why restrict your pleasure..as long as nobody is offended by anothers touch of course. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Eh .. a guy that swallows others cum and sucks cock is gay. Period. They are certainly not straight. Genuinely straight men wouldn't go near another man sexually. Politically correct nutters are always blurring the lines with their bullshit and superfluous pish. Imo |
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"Sorry that last paragraph should read.
Where do all you straight and bi folk male and female draw the line between straight and bisexual? "
Does a Lind HAVE to be drawn?
Why corner yourself into a pigeonhole? I myself remain very fluid with these things. I can’t be bothered with trying to define who I will have sex with till I have met the person. If we get on and I want sex and the other person / or people want sex, then I am in ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is this topic only ever about men."
cant imagine many lasses messaging other lasses saying psssst let me come lick your minge love your minge or some such thing |
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"Eh .. a guy that swallows others cum and sucks cock is gay. Period. They are certainly not straight. Genuinely straight men wouldn't go near another man sexually. Politically correct nutters are always blurring the lines with their bullshit and superfluous pish. Imo "
And bigots reinforce stereotypes |
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Sexuality is both fluid and a spectrum.
Some people will be totally straight others totally gay and others somewhere in between.
It's also not set in stone and can change through your life or even (in my case) day to day. It could be why people don't like to put a label on themselves. |
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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago
Maidstone |
"Sexuality is both fluid and a spectrum.
Some people will be totally straight others totally gay and others somewhere in between.
It's also not set in stone and can change through your life or even (in my case) day to day. It could be why people don't like to put a label on themselves."
Yep! This!
There is a war on...!!! Between the MONOSEXUALS ... The straights and gays are arbitrators of what it means to be 100% pure and get really uncomfortable if their definitions are somehow stained.
In the meantime the BISEXUALS are just getting on with it... |
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"There’s no line. Defining sexuality so rigidly is only harmful and I don’t see what good it does absolutely anyone?"
I think it's perfectly okay for some people to be rigid in how they define their own sexuality |
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"Why is this topic only ever about men.cant imagine many lasses messaging other lasses saying psssst let me come lick your minge love your minge or some such thing "
Because we’re more subtle & realise that approach doesn’t work for us. I’m more likely to chat to a woman I find attractive & see if she’s responsive…. |
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"If it says straight but love cock they ain't straight and to embarrassed to admit it each to there own just be honest."
But because of pigeonholes and stereotyping, most are still too scared/ashamed/worried to be honest through fear of judgement.
You like what you like and sometimes that may just be a one curiosity or something more regular. In an ideal world everyone could be open about it but chances of that are very slim and is far easier said than done. From a female point of view it wouldn’t bother me if the guys wanted to play in front of me if they so wished and were caught in the moment but doesn’t always mean they are one thing or the other everyone is individual. Even though it’s often men that get the brunt of this topic, it can be the same for women too. I’d say I’m straight but I’m more than happy for a woman to play and do what she likes to me but have no desire to return the favour other than kissing, bi-selfish as J likes to call it lol |
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Some people just like the sex and the heat of the moment, doesn't make them attracted to a certain sex in general or wish to have a relationship with that sex.
For me sex is sex, I enjoy playing with women, I wouldn't have a relationship with one, I just like the sex.
Am I gay - no
I don't do labels anyways but it probably classes as hetro flexible rather than anything else.
Why can't sex just be sex, why does it need to be defined?
Mrs |
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" I’d say I’m straight but I’m more than happy for a woman to play and do what she likes to me but have no desire to return the favour other than kissing, bi-selfish as J likes to call it lol "
Discussing something similar at a fab social recently and I had a similar answer to you but described myself as a pillow princess though I prefer your description of bi-selfish think this is the term I will use in future, it’s more apt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is because romantic attraction and sexual attraction are never considered to be different things it is always assumed that our sexual attraction must be the same as our romantic attraction. It is entirely feasible for someone to identify as straight romantically and identify as bisexual sexually or many other orientations for that matter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is because romantic attraction and sexual attraction are never considered to be different things it is always assumed that our sexual attraction must be the same as our romantic attraction. It is entirely feasible for someone to identify as straight romantically and identify as bisexual sexually or many other orientations for that matter"
sorry meant permutations not orientations |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people are heteromantic but may indulge occasionally in bisexual acts. BUT identify as straight as it’s predominantly the opposite sex they’re attracted to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't care what people or who they do it with.
But if you enjoy any kind of sexual contact or interaction with a member of the same sex then you are, at the very least, bisexual. |
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I read the term 'contextually bi' in a book and I like it.
Some guys wouldnt't think to e.g. check out a guy as he walks down the street and never really fancy other guys. Yet, in the heat of the moment, the scenario and/or action are hot to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think the 3 options the site offers even scratch the surface. There's so many blurred lines when it comes to sexuality. Sometimes people just don't know what to pick because nothing the site offers seems to fit. |
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"I read the term 'contextually bi' in a book and I like it.
Some guys wouldnt't think to e.g. check out a guy as he walks down the street and never really fancy other guys. Yet, in the heat of the moment, the scenario and/or action are hot to them."
that’s me. |
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" I’d say I’m straight but I’m more than happy for a woman to play and do what she likes to me but have no desire to return the favour other than kissing, bi-selfish as J likes to call it lol
Discussing something similar at a fab social recently and I had a similar answer to you but described myself as a pillow princess though I prefer your description of bi-selfish think this is the term I will use in future, it’s more apt "
J quite likes using the term lol  |
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"I'm straight but have no problem with mf couples but would not perform sexual acts on men or in my case want them to perform them on me.
But I see a lot of "straight" men on here that enjoy giving oral to their men even swallowing their cum.
Am I a prude or are the lines blurred somehow, or is it that they are bi but don't want to admit it?
So my question is to all you good straight or bi folks male and female draw the line between straight and bisexual. "
If a dude is sucking off another guy, then he aint straight. Its as simple as that |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don't think the 3 options the site offers even scratch the surface. There's so many blurred lines when it comes to sexuality. Sometimes people just don't know what to pick because nothing the site offers seems to fit."
I've always used 'situationally bi'.
I don't fancy guys but have played with them in MMF and group situations. I wouldn't ever guarantee that would happen with every guy we encounter, much the same as I'd never guarantee I'd do anything with any woman we had a meet with.
It all depends on my mood, mine and their tastes and comfort levels, what we as a couple are looking for at that particular moment and what happens and progresses during a meet.
Sometimes you pre-arrange things and then aren't feeling it at the time. Other times you just go with the flow and things happen unexpectedly.
The one thing that has always bugged me about any discussion regarding bisexuality is that those that consider themselves 100% straight seem to find it impossible to believe that bi people can and do play straight too.
It's literally the definition of bisexuality - the desire and ability to play with both men and women.
Yet they assume or worry that any bi guy will automatically want to jump on a straight male in a couple. They won't. The insecurity really isn't necessary.
A |
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"I don't think the 3 options the site offers even scratch the surface. There's so many blurred lines when it comes to sexuality. Sometimes people just don't know what to pick because nothing the site offers seems to fit.
I've always used 'situationally bi'.
I don't fancy guys but have played with them in MMF and group situations. I wouldn't ever guarantee that would happen with every guy we encounter, much the same as I'd never guarantee I'd do anything with any woman we had a meet with.
It all depends on my mood, mine and their tastes and comfort levels, what we as a couple are looking for at that particular moment and what happens and progresses during a meet.
Sometimes you pre-arrange things and then aren't feeling it at the time. Other times you just go with the flow and things happen unexpectedly.
The one thing that has always bugged me about any discussion regarding bisexuality is that those that consider themselves 100% straight seem to find it impossible to believe that bi people can and do play straight too.
It's literally the definition of bisexuality - the desire and ability to play with both men and women.
Yet they assume or worry that any bi guy will automatically want to jump on a straight male in a couple. They won't. The insecurity really isn't necessary.
A"
Sorry that last part is a complete strawman argument. Who is suggesting that?
And nobody is saying bi people cant 'play straight'. We're just saying youre NOT straight if you play with those of the same gender |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sexuality is a scale. Everyone is somewhere in that scale. Sexuality is also, or can be, fluid..
People worry way too much about this stuff.. I blame judeo/Christian doctrine.."
I blame folk who can't be honest with themselves. |
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"Sexuality is a scale. Everyone is somewhere in that scale. Sexuality is also, or can be, fluid..
People worry way too much about this stuff.. I blame judeo/Christian doctrine..
I blame folk who can't be honest with themselves."
Dont be silly. Its all those nasty priests... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I think each to there own on this one! I'm straight but happy to join in with a fm, everyone's boundaries are different and in different scenarios they may change. Do you and no one will judge  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sexuality is a scale. Everyone is somewhere in that scale. Sexuality is also, or can be, fluid..
People worry way too much about this stuff.. I blame judeo/Christian doctrine..
I blame folk who can't be honest with themselves.
Dont be silly. Its all those nasty priests... "
I lied when I made my First Confession so can't really comment on the priests |
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Kinsey's research defined sexuality as a spectrum, some people considered themselves fully at one end or the other (straight or gay), some people considered themselves somewhere in between. But when asked about what sex acts they had experimented with or fantasised about a lot of interviewees had been all over the spectrum regardless of how they currently perceived themselves. The majority of people have had some form of experience outside of their currently identified sexuality.
As for "Fab straight"... Having spoken to some men on fab it's because a single man identifying as bi gets even less attention than one identifying as straight. Some women and most couples just don't want to go near them. So they keep it under wraps for that reason rather than because they themselves want to hide it or struggle with their identity. Basically if all the straight people were more comfortable with their own status more bi people would publicise theirs (and it is the straight persons problem if they are worried a bi man is going to leap on them). |
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The concept of a 'line' is somewhat artificial and more of an abstract decision or judgement.
Almost everything about human personality depends on tastes, preferences, concepts etc that lie on a numerous, complex spectrum - or rather, many spectra. Many of these spectra are not mutually exclusive and nor are our tastes rigid, nor always clearly known to us.
Our behaviour is also not universally indicative of human personality and preferences.
Anyone who tries to insist that human personality is rigid, black and white, has probably not been living and understanding people much at all, since birth. They themselves may have kept themselves in some bizarre type of mental straight-jacket. Billions in the world don't. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don't think the 3 options the site offers even scratch the surface. There's so many blurred lines when it comes to sexuality. Sometimes people just don't know what to pick because nothing the site offers seems to fit.
I've always used 'situationally bi'.
I don't fancy guys but have played with them in MMF and group situations. I wouldn't ever guarantee that would happen with every guy we encounter, much the same as I'd never guarantee I'd do anything with any woman we had a meet with.
It all depends on my mood, mine and their tastes and comfort levels, what we as a couple are looking for at that particular moment and what happens and progresses during a meet.
Sometimes you pre-arrange things and then aren't feeling it at the time. Other times you just go with the flow and things happen unexpectedly.
The one thing that has always bugged me about any discussion regarding bisexuality is that those that consider themselves 100% straight seem to find it impossible to believe that bi people can and do play straight too.
It's literally the definition of bisexuality - the desire and ability to play with both men and women.
Yet they assume or worry that any bi guy will automatically want to jump on a straight male in a couple. They won't. The insecurity really isn't necessary.
A
Sorry that last part is a complete strawman argument. Who is suggesting that?
And nobody is saying bi people cant 'play straight'. We're just saying youre NOT straight if you play with those of the same gender"
It's not a strawman argument at all. It's a different point to the original question, but a pertinent one all the same. Ask the majority of bi guys on site and I'm pretty sure most will have experienced that sentiment at some point. Plenty of people have stated concerns that bi males may/will try it on with straight male in group play on many a forum thread over the years.
And I don't recall saying people who play with the same gender are straight. Never have, never will.
A
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For me the very terms heterosexual and homosexual are not particularly useful. Ie. heterosexual = attracted to the opposite sex, homosexual = attracted to the same sex. But for someone who finds themselves on a sliding scale of gender - what is the same sex as me? What does the opposite sex to me mean? Hetero and homo attempt to classify my attraction to others in terms of what my body is like! But I rather expect that actually most people classify their attraction in terms of the types of the persons they like, if you see what I mean? That is, a straight woman would probably say she was attracted to men, rather than being attracted to not-women? |
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Thank you, this is kina online with my thinking. Personally I'm not bothered in any way by anyone's sexuality, indeed I have met and played with couples where one or both are bisexual.
It just amazes me that here of all places people aren't just open about it. In this community openness is key
After all there are hard cut offs on age and sex supported by the site. You cannot message someone if you don't meet there criteria.
Thanks again
"Kinsey's research defined sexuality as a spectrum, some people considered themselves fully at one end or the other (straight or gay), some people considered themselves somewhere in between. But when asked about what sex acts they had experimented with or fantasised about a lot of interviewees had been all over the spectrum regardless of how they currently perceived themselves. The majority of people have had some form of experience outside of their currently identified sexuality.
As for "Fab straight"... Having spoken to some men on fab it's because a single man identifying as bi gets even less attention than one identifying as straight. Some women and most couples just don't want to go near them. So they keep it under wraps for that reason rather than because they themselves want to hide it or struggle with their identity. Basically if all the straight people were more comfortable with their own status more bi people would publicise theirs (and it is the straight persons problem if they are worried a bi man is going to leap on them)."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As predicted on here there's a mass of blurry 'lines' whereas in the general population people are thankful for, reinforce and live by some kind of 'labelling', and thank god or we'd be in a world of confused shit. As someone said soup tins have labels, it's not a bad thing.
Only folk that don't like stereotypes are those that fall on the wrong side of them in context and get offended. 99pc of the population think gender politics is absolutely ridiculous and gets far far too much attention.. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"As predicted on here there's a mass of blurry 'lines' whereas in the general population people are thankful for, reinforce and live by some kind of 'labelling', and thank god or we'd be in a world of confused shit. As someone said soup tins have labels, it's not a bad thing.
Only folk that don't like stereotypes are those that fall on the wrong side of them in context and get offended. 99pc of the population think gender politics is absolutely ridiculous and gets far far too much attention.. "
I'd dispute that '99%' statistic....but hey.
Is Fab not made up from rhe general population? 
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think those who take a very black and white view of sexuality need that security for themselves. In reality it's a spectrum (or perhaps more a circle if you think about it). Just from reading these forums it's easy to see that there are countless combinations of how people express themselves and are sexually comfortable. That's to be celebrated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think the 3 options the site offers even scratch the surface. There's so many blurred lines when it comes to sexuality. Sometimes people just don't know what to pick because nothing the site offers seems to fit."
I just read it as the dominant identity rather than being exclusively that. I think we get lost by having countless terms. |
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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
"As predicted on here there's a mass of blurry 'lines' whereas in the general population people are thankful for, reinforce and live by some kind of 'labelling', and thank god or we'd be in a world of confused shit. As someone said soup tins have labels, it's not a bad thing.
Only folk that don't like stereotypes are those that fall on the wrong side of them in context and get offended. 99pc of the population think gender politics is absolutely ridiculous and gets far far too much attention..
I'd dispute that '99%' statistic....but hey.
Is Fab not made up from rhe general population?
A"
Reminds me of my dad. He loves to make up all kind of statistics even going into the decimals. I have no clue where he gets them from…oh that’s right, out of thin air . |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
"I think those who take a very black and white view of sexuality need that security for themselves. In reality it's a spectrum (or perhaps more a circle if you think about it). Just from reading these forums it's easy to see that there are countless combinations of how people express themselves and are sexually comfortable. That's to be celebrated. "
I agree to this. Total straight guys want to keep that label to them only and don’t want anyone who touched another man cock use the same label |
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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
OP this IS of course a complex topic but I think for 99% of the people on here it’s a case of being “fab straight”.
I have seen many many MANYYYYY guys on fabswingers as straight, then on fabguys they’re profile says bi with a good few veris from men or mm couples. |
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"I think those who take a very black and white view of sexuality need that security for themselves. In reality it's a spectrum (or perhaps more a circle if you think about it). Just from reading these forums it's easy to see that there are countless combinations of how people express themselves and are sexually comfortable. That's to be celebrated.
I agree to this. Total straight guys want to keep that label to them only and don’t want anyone who touched another man cock use the same label "
I dont think anybody really cares that much about 'keeping a label for themselves', but if the question is asked then its only logical to state that if one plays with someone of the same gender then one is not heterosexual |
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"OP this IS of course a complex topic but I think for 99% of the people on here it’s a case of being “fab straight”.
I have seen many many MANYYYYY guys on fabswingers as straight, then on fabguys they’re profile says bi with a good few veris from men or mm couples. "
Thats just marketing advertising as straight for the couples marketplace, and bi in the guys marketplace.
Whilst these guys might seem more confused than most I would argue they are probably the most understanding of their sexuality and sexuality in general. Having two profiles is I think embracing all of who you are, whilst perhaps acknowledging other people do not (or you just want to play straight with couples and keep the bi stuff for a different dynamic). |
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"For me the very terms heterosexual and homosexual are not particularly useful. Ie. heterosexual = attracted to the opposite sex, homosexual = attracted to the same sex. But for someone who finds themselves on a sliding scale of gender - what is the same sex as me? What does the opposite sex to me mean? Hetero and homo attempt to classify my attraction to others in terms of what my body is like! But I rather expect that actually most people classify their attraction in terms of the types of the persons they like, if you see what I mean? That is, a straight woman would probably say she was attracted to men, rather than being attracted to not-women?"
A very good point, that will just blow some people's minds!!
I do think its a concept that is very difficult to empathise with (and therefore understand) if you havn't had some personal experience with gender fluidity.
It does kind of make a mockery of traditional labels which is probably why the general public tend to disengage from a lot of the current gender identity debate. The desire to create new labels and pronoun's just seems to be an exercise in pedantry that most people see as a waste of time. Personally I am supportive of fluid gender and sexuality but I roll my eyes at people who feel the need to endlessly debate the labels and stick pronouns on their linkedIn profile. - more important things to think about, just be you.
It's taken decades for modern western society to be genuinely comfortable with the concept of gay marriage and the occasional bit of cross dressing. Going to take forever to explain the gender fluid debate properly, at which point your average sympathetic hetro dude is going to have got bored. |
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Sexuality is fluid and I have found myself attracted to other men in my youth but have never got past anything more than an embarrassed fumble.
I put that down to conditioning more than anything else due to my age and working class background. I think that still has a big sway for many of the Hetero men on here who wouldn’t be able to have visibly bi relationships due to peer pressure. I mean to say, every time you see a pumped up gym bunny do you ever wonder who that display is aimed at? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me the very terms heterosexual and homosexual are not particularly useful. Ie. heterosexual = attracted to the opposite sex, homosexual = attracted to the same sex. But for someone who finds themselves on a sliding scale of gender - what is the same sex as me? What does the opposite sex to me mean? Hetero and homo attempt to classify my attraction to others in terms of what my body is like! But I rather expect that actually most people classify their attraction in terms of the types of the persons they like, if you see what I mean? That is, a straight woman would probably say she was attracted to men, rather than being attracted to not-women?
A very good point, that will just blow some people's minds!!
I do think its a concept that is very difficult to empathise with (and therefore understand) if you havn't had some personal experience with gender fluidity.
It does kind of make a mockery of traditional labels which is probably why the general public tend to disengage from a lot of the current gender identity debate. The desire to create new labels and pronoun's just seems to be an exercise in pedantry that most people see as a waste of time. Personally I am supportive of fluid gender and sexuality but I roll my eyes at people who feel the need to endlessly debate the labels and stick pronouns on their linkedIn profile. - more important things to think about, just be you.
It's taken decades for modern western society to be genuinely comfortable with the concept of gay marriage and the occasional bit of cross dressing. Going to take forever to explain the gender fluid debate properly, at which point your average sympathetic hetro dude is going to have got bored."
empathy is the key part here.
The white CIS hetro male is bored because he has a label that works for him.
He'd rather talk difference between a football fan and a supporter. An die hard and a plastic. For some reason saying "likes football" and "unlikes football" isn't enough of a scale ...
Or what makes someone British and why it's more than what someone has decided to put on a passport... |
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"For me the very terms heterosexual and homosexual are not particularly useful. Ie. heterosexual = attracted to the opposite sex, homosexual = attracted to the same sex. But for someone who finds themselves on a sliding scale of gender - what is the same sex as me? What does the opposite sex to me mean? Hetero and homo attempt to classify my attraction to others in terms of what my body is like! But I rather expect that actually most people classify their attraction in terms of the types of the persons they like, if you see what I mean? That is, a straight woman would probably say she was attracted to men, rather than being attracted to not-women?
A very good point, that will just blow some people's minds!!
I do think its a concept that is very difficult to empathise with (and therefore understand) if you havn't had some personal experience with gender fluidity.
It does kind of make a mockery of traditional labels which is probably why the general public tend to disengage from a lot of the current gender identity debate. The desire to create new labels and pronoun's just seems to be an exercise in pedantry that most people see as a waste of time. Personally I am supportive of fluid gender and sexuality but I roll my eyes at people who feel the need to endlessly debate the labels and stick pronouns on their linkedIn profile. - more important things to think about, just be you.
It's taken decades for modern western society to be genuinely comfortable with the concept of gay marriage and the occasional bit of cross dressing. Going to take forever to explain the gender fluid debate properly, at which point your average sympathetic hetro dude is going to have got bored.empathy is the key part here.
The white CIS hetro male is bored because he has a label that works for him.
He'd rather talk difference between a football fan and a supporter. An die hard and a plastic. For some reason saying "likes football" and "unlikes football" isn't enough of a scale ...
Or what makes someone British and why it's more than what someone has decided to put on a passport... "
What has his race got to do with it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me the very terms heterosexual and homosexual are not particularly useful. Ie. heterosexual = attracted to the opposite sex, homosexual = attracted to the same sex. But for someone who finds themselves on a sliding scale of gender - what is the same sex as me? What does the opposite sex to me mean? Hetero and homo attempt to classify my attraction to others in terms of what my body is like! But I rather expect that actually most people classify their attraction in terms of the types of the persons they like, if you see what I mean? That is, a straight woman would probably say she was attracted to men, rather than being attracted to not-women?
A very good point, that will just blow some people's minds!!
I do think its a concept that is very difficult to empathise with (and therefore understand) if you havn't had some personal experience with gender fluidity.
It does kind of make a mockery of traditional labels which is probably why the general public tend to disengage from a lot of the current gender identity debate. The desire to create new labels and pronoun's just seems to be an exercise in pedantry that most people see as a waste of time. Personally I am supportive of fluid gender and sexuality but I roll my eyes at people who feel the need to endlessly debate the labels and stick pronouns on their linkedIn profile. - more important things to think about, just be you.
It's taken decades for modern western society to be genuinely comfortable with the concept of gay marriage and the occasional bit of cross dressing. Going to take forever to explain the gender fluid debate properly, at which point your average sympathetic hetro dude is going to have got bored.empathy is the key part here.
The white CIS hetro male is bored because he has a label that works for him.
He'd rather talk difference between a football fan and a supporter. An die hard and a plastic. For some reason saying "likes football" and "unlikes football" isn't enough of a scale ...
Or what makes someone British and why it's more than what someone has decided to put on a passport...
What has his race got to do with it? "
Nothing. I think he was referring to what nationality a person claims. |
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"For me the very terms heterosexual and homosexual are not particularly useful. Ie. heterosexual = attracted to the opposite sex, homosexual = attracted to the same sex. But for someone who finds themselves on a sliding scale of gender - what is the same sex as me? What does the opposite sex to me mean? Hetero and homo attempt to classify my attraction to others in terms of what my body is like! But I rather expect that actually most people classify their attraction in terms of the types of the persons they like, if you see what I mean? That is, a straight woman would probably say she was attracted to men, rather than being attracted to not-women?
A very good point, that will just blow some people's minds!!
I do think its a concept that is very difficult to empathise with (and therefore understand) if you havn't had some personal experience with gender fluidity.
It does kind of make a mockery of traditional labels which is probably why the general public tend to disengage from a lot of the current gender identity debate. The desire to create new labels and pronoun's just seems to be an exercise in pedantry that most people see as a waste of time. Personally I am supportive of fluid gender and sexuality but I roll my eyes at people who feel the need to endlessly debate the labels and stick pronouns on their linkedIn profile. - more important things to think about, just be you.
It's taken decades for modern western society to be genuinely comfortable with the concept of gay marriage and the occasional bit of cross dressing. Going to take forever to explain the gender fluid debate properly, at which point your average sympathetic hetro dude is going to have got bored.empathy is the key part here.
The white CIS hetro male is bored because he has a label that works for him.
He'd rather talk difference between a football fan and a supporter. An die hard and a plastic. For some reason saying "likes football" and "unlikes football" isn't enough of a scale ...
Or what makes someone British and why it's more than what someone has decided to put on a passport...
What has his race got to do with it?
Nothing. I think he was referring to what nationality a person claims. "
He referenced 'white CIS hetero male' though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me the very terms heterosexual and homosexual are not particularly useful. Ie. heterosexual = attracted to the opposite sex, homosexual = attracted to the same sex. But for someone who finds themselves on a sliding scale of gender - what is the same sex as me? What does the opposite sex to me mean? Hetero and homo attempt to classify my attraction to others in terms of what my body is like! But I rather expect that actually most people classify their attraction in terms of the types of the persons they like, if you see what I mean? That is, a straight woman would probably say she was attracted to men, rather than being attracted to not-women?
A very good point, that will just blow some people's minds!!
I do think its a concept that is very difficult to empathise with (and therefore understand) if you havn't had some personal experience with gender fluidity.
It does kind of make a mockery of traditional labels which is probably why the general public tend to disengage from a lot of the current gender identity debate. The desire to create new labels and pronoun's just seems to be an exercise in pedantry that most people see as a waste of time. Personally I am supportive of fluid gender and sexuality but I roll my eyes at people who feel the need to endlessly debate the labels and stick pronouns on their linkedIn profile. - more important things to think about, just be you.
It's taken decades for modern western society to be genuinely comfortable with the concept of gay marriage and the occasional bit of cross dressing. Going to take forever to explain the gender fluid debate properly, at which point your average sympathetic hetro dude is going to have got bored.empathy is the key part here.
The white CIS hetro male is bored because he has a label that works for him.
He'd rather talk difference between a football fan and a supporter. An die hard and a plastic. For some reason saying "likes football" and "unlikes football" isn't enough of a scale ...
Or what makes someone British and why it's more than what someone has decided to put on a passport...
What has his race got to do with it?
Nothing. I think he was referring to what nationality a person claims.
He referenced 'white CIS hetero male' though"
mixed race ppl may have more empathy with labels not feeling quite right for their circumstances. |
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"Kinsey's research defined sexuality as a spectrum, some people considered themselves fully at one end or the other (straight or gay), some people considered themselves somewhere in between. But when asked about what sex acts they had experimented with or fantasised about a lot of interviewees had been all over the spectrum regardless of how they currently perceived themselves. The majority of people have had some form of experience outside of their currently identified sexuality.
As for "Fab straight"... Having spoken to some men on fab it's because a single man identifying as bi gets even less attention than one identifying as straight. Some women and most couples just don't want to go near them. So they keep it under wraps for that reason rather than because they themselves want to hide it or struggle with their identity. Basically if all the straight people were more comfortable with their own status more bi people would publicise theirs (and it is the straight persons problem if they are worried a bi man is going to leap on them)."
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"Sexuality is fluid and I have found myself attracted to other men in my youth but have never got past anything more than an embarrassed fumble.
I put that down to conditioning more than anything else due to my age and working class background. I think that still has a big sway for many of the Hetero men on here who wouldn’t be able to have visibly bi relationships due to peer pressure. I mean to say, every time you see a pumped up gym bunny do you ever wonder who that display is aimed at? "
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"Sexuality is both fluid and a spectrum.
Some people will be totally straight others totally gay and others somewhere in between.
It's also not set in stone and can change through your life or even (in my case) day to day. It could be why people don't like to put a label on themselves."
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"For me the very terms heterosexual and homosexual are not particularly useful. Ie. heterosexual = attracted to the opposite sex, homosexual = attracted to the same sex. But for someone who finds themselves on a sliding scale of gender - what is the same sex as me? What does the opposite sex to me mean? Hetero and homo attempt to classify my attraction to others in terms of what my body is like! But I rather expect that actually most people classify their attraction in terms of the types of the persons they like, if you see what I mean? That is, a straight woman would probably say she was attracted to men, rather than being attracted to not-women?
A very good point, that will just blow some people's minds!!
I do think its a concept that is very difficult to empathise with (and therefore understand) if you havn't had some personal experience with gender fluidity.
It does kind of make a mockery of traditional labels which is probably why the general public tend to disengage from a lot of the current gender identity debate. The desire to create new labels and pronoun's just seems to be an exercise in pedantry that most people see as a waste of time. Personally I am supportive of fluid gender and sexuality but I roll my eyes at people who feel the need to endlessly debate the labels and stick pronouns on their linkedIn profile. - more important things to think about, just be you.
It's taken decades for modern western society to be genuinely comfortable with the concept of gay marriage and the occasional bit of cross dressing. Going to take forever to explain the gender fluid debate properly, at which point your average sympathetic hetro dude is going to have got bored.empathy is the key part here.
The white CIS hetro male is bored because he has a label that works for him.
He'd rather talk difference between a football fan and a supporter. An die hard and a plastic. For some reason saying "likes football" and "unlikes football" isn't enough of a scale ...
Or what makes someone British and why it's more than what someone has decided to put on a passport...
What has his race got to do with it?
Nothing. I think he was referring to what nationality a person claims.
He referenced 'white CIS hetero male' thoughmixed race ppl may have more empathy with labels not feeling quite right for their circumstances. "
So why only white mentioned then? |
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I’ve been away for a while, but no surprise to see this same discussion and the same judgements again and again.
As a few folk have said, someone’s sexuality and the label they choose to put on it or otherwise is a matter for them.
This does seem to always be discussed from a largely cis monosexual position. There’s often a lot of biphobia (including internalised) behind people’s reasons not to put a particular label on themselves or a discomfort with the labels others use.
It’s also interesting how cis-normative and genital-focused the discussion is. Women may have penises and may have balls. Men may have vulvas, vaginas and/or breasts. And non binary people don’t really fit any of these old “rules”.
I’m bisexual, so it’s a bit of a (frustratingly) theoretical point more than anything, but if I sleep with a trans man who doesn’t have a penis, it’s because I’m attracted to them as a man… and if I sleep with a trans woman who does, it’s because I’m attracted to them as a woman. Actually, it’s not even as defined as that. I am attracted to someone because of them. Exactly what shape their genitals are doesn’t really come into it.
For me.
Others are more specific with their genital wants, desires and “hard lines”… they can give themselves whatever label they want.
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"Sexuality is both fluid and a spectrum.
Some people will be totally straight others totally gay and others somewhere in between.
It's also not set in stone and can change through your life or even (in my case) day to day. It could be why people don't like to put a label on themselves."
bang on |
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The issue comes when by saying you're straight on fab, you're implying you don't play with men to appear more appealing to women.
If a woman has "no bi guys" on her profile, and you play with guys, but have straight on your profile, I think there's a real moral issue of informed consent there.
If the topic never comes up I don't see it needs to be mentioned proactively though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sexuality is both fluid and a spectrum.
Some people will be totally straight others totally gay and others somewhere in between.
It's also not set in stone and can change through your life or even (in my case) day to day. It could be why people don't like to put a label on themselves.
bang on "
Agreed, the arbitrary categories of straight/gay/bi etc are too specific. I'm not romantically attracted to men, but I am sexually attracted to men - so according to the Merriam Webster dictionary that makes me bisexual as I am also (in both ways) attracted to women. But it's not really that straightforward as I think the majority of people here think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As predicted on here there's a mass of blurry 'lines' whereas in the general population people are thankful for, reinforce and live by some kind of 'labelling', and thank god or we'd be in a world of confused shit. As someone said soup tins have labels, it's not a bad thing.
Only folk that don't like stereotypes are those that fall on the wrong side of them in context and get offended. 99pc of the population think gender politics is absolutely ridiculous and gets far far too much attention..
I'd dispute that '99%' statistic....but hey.
Is Fab not made up from rhe general population?
A"
No ..
Think about it for a minute .. |
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