FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Advice would be appreciated
Advice would be appreciated
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I’ve been friends with a girl for ten years now and always would have liked us to get together but had put it to the back of my mind
That was until the last bank holiday and I took her out for the day and ended up kissing and she said she’d like to be with me she’s still living with the ex and I’m unsure of how to approach what she’s feeling now as I haven’t had a opportunity where we are alone together
I have given her some space but it would be nice to know where I stand without pressuring her as she’s my best friend and we have been there for each other and are very close |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Ok I have sent her a message saying if she would like to meet for a drink but no reply so should I give her more space or just go round and ask her out |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve been friends with a girl for ten years now and always would have liked us to get together but had put it to the back of my mind
That was until the last bank holiday and I took her out for the day and ended up kissing and she said she’d like to be with me she’s still living with the ex and I’m unsure of how to approach what she’s feeling now as I haven’t had a opportunity where we are alone together
I have given her some space but it would be nice to know where I stand without pressuring her as she’s my best friend and we have been there for each other and are very close "
Just ask her!! But leave your self some room to manoeuvre. If she is in the process of breaking up with her current BF then it could be a difficult situation. Try going along the lines of. “ I really enjoyed last weekend and I would like to see where it goes, but I know you are emotional vulnerable at the moment. So I am going to leave it up to you to make the first move “ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Ok I have sent her a message saying if she would like to meet for a drink but no reply so should I give her more space or just go round and ask her out "
I don't think you should go round. How long ago did you send the message ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ask her. Put your cards on the table. It’s then up to her if she wants to lay hers down to. You’ll find out quicker that way. .. and if you don’t find out quickly, give her all the space she needs. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Would you be gutted if you lost the friendship you both have? Maybe just keep the contact as 'friends' for the moment until you have chance to think about it and she has time to also...are her and her fella really over? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"She said she'd like to be with you. That's pretty clear to me.
Why is she still living with her ex? That's the first thing I'd want cleared up before I went any further. "
I wondered if it was for financial reasons |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids "
Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to  . It helps see who you're talking to 
I'm a bit like a broken record with these things in that I always say talk to the person . We don't know enough about the situation to give you concrete advice but we can as a sounding board for you to talk it through |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids
Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to . It helps see who you're talking to
I'm a bit like a broken record with these things in that I always say talk to the person . We don't know enough about the situation to give you concrete advice but we can as a sounding board for you to talk it through"
I know what you mean I’m ok with giving advice but totally the opposite when it’s myself |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok..."
I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids
Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to . It helps see who you're talking to
I'm a bit like a broken record with these things in that I always say talk to the person . We don't know enough about the situation to give you concrete advice but we can as a sounding board for you to talk it through
I know what you mean I’m ok with giving advice but totally the opposite when it’s myself "
Well based on what you've said I'd caution you to tread very carefully. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok I have sent her a message saying if she would like to meet for a drink but no reply so should I give her more space or just go round and ask her out "
Patience I would think.
Don't make yourself another thing she has to worry or stress over.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids
Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to . It helps see who you're talking to
I'm a bit like a broken record with these things in that I always say talk to the person . We don't know enough about the situation to give you concrete advice but we can as a sounding board for you to talk it through
I know what you mean I’m ok with giving advice but totally the opposite when it’s myself
Well based on what you've said I'd caution you to tread very carefully. "
I’ll be treading extra carefully and I’ve given her some space but I’d only talk with her about this if we were alone together when he’s out of ear shot or house |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ok I have sent her a message saying if she would like to meet for a drink but no reply so should I give her more space or just go round and ask her out
Patience I would think.
Don't make yourself another thing she has to worry or stress over.
"
Understandable I just need to de stress but easier said than done |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve been friends with a girl for ten years now and always would have liked us to get together but had put it to the back of my mind
That was until the last bank holiday and I took her out for the day and ended up kissing and she said she’d like to be with me she’s still living with the ex and I’m unsure of how to approach what she’s feeling now as I haven’t had a opportunity where we are alone together
I have given her some space but it would be nice to know where I stand without pressuring her as she’s my best friend and we have been there for each other and are very close
Just ask her!! But leave your self some room to manoeuvre. If she is in the process of breaking up with her current BF then it could be a difficult situation. Try going along the lines of. “ I really enjoyed last weekend and I would like to see where it goes, but I know you are emotional vulnerable at the moment. So I am going to leave it up to you to make the first move “ "
OP.. Its always good to hear different opinions so, hope above isn't offended if we throw our point of view in the mix. Wouldn't recommend saying anything along the lines of her being emotionally vulnerable.
Agree with the rest though.
Perhaps instead of trying to be overly understanding try to avoid Any pressure at all. Even saying 'no pressure' actually IS.
If you would like to see her some more, how about casually suggesting things that would definitely be of interest to her that isn't something she'd have to be sneaky to do. Like a live gig in a pub.
The more she simply relaxes & enjoys herself when with you the more it will show the contrast when she's at home being stressed.
Also if you're casual, not even hinting at anything else then she'll probably get annoyed with anyone that tries to make her feel guilty being with you because it will be innocent friends just enjoying normal social things together. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok...
I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now "
For me this has red flags, drama and unnecessary stress written all over it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’ve been friends with a girl for ten years now and always would have liked us to get together but had put it to the back of my mind
That was until the last bank holiday and I took her out for the day and ended up kissing and she said she’d like to be with me she’s still living with the ex and I’m unsure of how to approach what she’s feeling now as I haven’t had a opportunity where we are alone together
I have given her some space but it would be nice to know where I stand without pressuring her as she’s my best friend and we have been there for each other and are very close
Just ask her!! But leave your self some room to manoeuvre. If she is in the process of breaking up with her current BF then it could be a difficult situation. Try going along the lines of. “ I really enjoyed last weekend and I would like to see where it goes, but I know you are emotional vulnerable at the moment. So I am going to leave it up to you to make the first move “
OP.. Its always good to hear different opinions so, hope above isn't offended if we throw our point of view in the mix. Wouldn't recommend saying anything along the lines of her being emotionally vulnerable.
Agree with the rest though.
Perhaps instead of trying to be overly understanding try to avoid Any pressure at all. Even saying 'no pressure' actually IS.
If you would like to see her some more, how about casually suggesting things that would definitely be of interest to her that isn't something she'd have to be sneaky to do. Like a live gig in a pub.
The more she simply relaxes & enjoys herself when with you the more it will show the contrast when she's at home being stressed.
Also if you're casual, not even hinting at anything else then she'll probably get annoyed with anyone that tries to make her feel guilty being with you because it will be innocent friends just enjoying normal social things together. "
You haven’t offended me at all and I’ve always had a good laugh together as friends and I’ll see how things go over the weekend and if I hear from her with any messages from me and suggest a afternoon out or a evening |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok...
I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now
For me this has red flags, drama and unnecessary stress written all over it. "
Ok I’ll speak with her eventually when I see her next and see what she says if not we can just be friends and enjoy what we already have or take the risk |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok...
I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now "
Then if it's totally over, I'm sure she'll have things to organise just be very supportive with her and discuss plans to act on so when the day comes you're both prepared |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok...
I’d support her through anything she would need
I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now
Then if it's totally over, I'm sure she'll have things to organise just be very supportive with her and discuss plans to act on so when the day comes you're both prepared "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In the interest of self protection you need to have in the back of your mind, that her situation may not be as you currently believe it to be.
Not suggesting anything more than that.
People & relationships are a roller-coaster. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
