FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you give yourself enough credit?
Do you give yourself enough credit?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Was kicking myself the other day because I received some great praise at work from a superior. My first reaction? "Oh thanks, but I had help from so-and-so". They looked a bit confused for a second, and then moved on, leaving me thinking "dammit Timber, just take the asspats when they're handed to you".
It got me thinking. Growing up I'd always seen myself as confident and self assured when it comes to my competence at certain things, but somewhere along the line I've started making excuses whenever someone praises me in life by always adding a "yes, but...". Someone tells me I'm good at something? "Oh yeah but I suck at this other thing!". Someone tells me I make a heavy lift look easy? "Oh no mate, trust me I was about to drop it". Someone tells me I look like I've lost weight? "Oh trust me, it's just this dress!".
Maybe it's a "beaten down by the world" type thing? I've learned a lot of hard lessons since starting on the career ladder, and I do feel like some working environments have a knack for making you doubt your every decision and making the imposter syndrome struggle way too real.
Do you find it easy to accept praise and take credit? Or do you tend to make excuses for why a job well done shouldn't be seen as just that? |
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I’m quite happy to take credit when I’ve put the work in. It’s nice to be recognised
My issue is when it’s used as a benchmark example for colleagues who then feel they fall short for not having done the same. |
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I had to flip this in my head when I realised I was doing this. When you slap the compliment away you are belittling the person who is given the compliment and you are invalidating their thoughts and feelings. Next time, try really hard to just say “thank you” or “that’s kind of you” |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"[Credit Removed by poster at 01/09/22 21:09:50]
 "
Lolll sorry I'd put some unnecessary information in the original OP. Don't wanna bore y'all to death  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had to flip this in my head when I realised I was doing this. When you slap the compliment away you are belittling the person who is given the compliment and you are invalidating their thoughts and feelings. Next time, try really hard to just say “thank you” or “that’s kind of you” "
Yup yup, just be gracious with a simple thank you.
Then buy the most egregious trophy for yourself and plonk it on the desk in full view of everyone. |
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I'm a bit like Roy Keane in that if you're praising me, especially at work, it's probably what I'm there to do, so what are you praising me for.
It's what's expected. I just thank them and blow it off.
Maybe I should use it as currency to move upward but that's not really me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had to flip this in my head when I realised I was doing this. When you slap the compliment away you are belittling the person who is given the compliment and you are invalidating their thoughts and feelings. Next time, try really hard to just say “thank you” or “that’s kind of you” "
I need to start doing this.
I think in the example I gave I started thinking "what if I take full credit for this and the person who helped me (also vastly superior to me) finds out and sets the record straight?".
Which was stupid because the reason that person came and found me in the first place was because the other person went and told them how impressed they were *face-palm* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Credit Removed by poster at 01/09/22 21:09:50]
Lolll sorry I'd put some unnecessary information in the original OP. Don't wanna bore y'all to death "
Don’t be sorry. It was funny.
To reply to you, I like praise. I like recognition for when I know I’ve gone out of my way to do something over and beyond what was asked. Not for me, but it helps me know that they never expected it. Because it gets under my skin when some ar arrogant enough to think they should just have some things done for them without thanking people. You know?
And then there’s times I don’t want thanks at all, and actually get bothered by it,  . I’m odd. This is harder to explain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had to learn to just say "thank you" after it was pointed out that refusing the compliment was rude. Though I often secretly think "yeah, whatevs mate!". |
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"[Credit Removed by poster at 01/09/22 21:09:50]
Lolll sorry I'd put some unnecessary information in the original OP. Don't wanna bore y'all to death
Don’t be sorry. It was funny.
To reply to you, I like praise. I like recognition for when I know I’ve gone out of my way to do something over and beyond what was asked. Not for me, but it helps me know that they never expected it. Because it gets under my skin when some ar arrogant enough to think they should just have some things done for them without thanking people. You know?
And then there’s times I don’t want thanks at all, and actually get bothered by it, . I’m odd. This is harder to explain. "
I understand this totally. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had to flip this in my head when I realised I was doing this. When you slap the compliment away you are belittling the person who is given the compliment and you are invalidating their thoughts and feelings. Next time, try really hard to just say “thank you” or “that’s kind of you”
Yup yup, just be gracious with a simple thank you.
Then buy the most egregious trophy for yourself and plonk it on the desk in full view of everyone. "
Surprised you didn't say "buy a gaming mouse" |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I had to flip this in my head when I realised I was doing this. When you slap the compliment away you are belittling the person who is given the compliment and you are invalidating their thoughts and feelings. Next time, try really hard to just say “thank you” or “that’s kind of you”
Yup yup, just be gracious with a simple thank you.
Then buy the most egregious trophy for yourself and plonk it on the desk in full view of everyone.
Surprised you didn't say "buy a gaming mouse" "
It's his solution to life's most difficult situations isn't it?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had to flip this in my head when I realised I was doing this. When you slap the compliment away you are belittling the person who is given the compliment and you are invalidating their thoughts and feelings. Next time, try really hard to just say “thank you” or “that’s kind of you”
Yup yup, just be gracious with a simple thank you.
Then buy the most egregious trophy for yourself and plonk it on the desk in full view of everyone.
Surprised you didn't say "buy a gaming mouse"
It's his solution to life's most difficult situations isn't it? "
He doesn't know you can boss it on a trackpad |
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I was with a friend the other day, she was telling me that a woman on holiday had said she didn't bloom old enough to have two grandchildren. I said she didn't as she has lovely smooth skin. Her first reply was "it's the light in here" when I raised an eyebrow she said "it's my fat, it pushes the wrinkles out".
 she knows me well enough by now (at school together) to know I'm not going to insult her or comment on her size. Is it reflex action to push away praise? |
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"I don’t unless I am taking the piss of myself. But prefer it that way.
I don’t believe that achievements can be achieved without help. "
They can't but it's not wrong to accept praise for your part in something. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Accepting attention or praise or a compliment or even thanks is a challenge for me tbh. There wasn't much, if any, handed out when I was growing up and I lean more towards the introvert side of the scale so there's that to manage also.
It feels quite awkward & cocky to me & my instinct is like those above... to deflect or joke or minimise.
But I try to remember that no one is there twisting an arm up the back of whoever is being kind enough to say nice things and a simple thank you in return often is enough.... I hope.
Would you all agree?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t unless I am taking the piss of myself. But prefer it that way.
I don’t believe that achievements can be achieved without help.
They can't but it's not wrong to accept praise for your part in something. "
Oh yes it is not wrong at all.
For my part maybe I’ll accept it but still, if I got there, I must have learnt something from someone at some point. |
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"Accepting attention or praise or a compliment or even thanks is a challenge for me tbh. There wasn't much, if any, handed out when I was growing up and I lean more towards the introvert side of the scale so there's that to manage also.
It feels quite awkward & cocky to me & my instinct is like those above... to deflect or joke or minimise.
But I try to remember that no one is there twisting an arm up the back of whoever is being kind enough to say nice things and a simple thank you in return often is enough.... I hope.
Would you all agree?
"
Yes I would. If someone pays you a genuine compliment a simple thank you and a smile is all that's needed. You might be internally screaming "I'm useless really and don't deserve it" but it's useful to remember that the person paying you the compliment has feelings too and you're effectively telling them quite forcefully that they're wrong.
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I've only read the O.P. nothing else. This isn't directed at the O.P. only tho .....
People want to show modesty but they haven't yet learned how to, so instead of accepting gracefully with something simple e.g. 'Oh thanks, I really appreciate that' or similar...... they deny themselves the compliment and they deny the giver the pleasure also .......
e.g. Nice outfit....... Oh this old thing, I just dragged it out of the wardrobe in a rush this morning .....
Say thanks and not much more. By keeping it short we avoid sounding arrogant / big headed or boring someone with an explanation / history of how we developed a skill ......
Just take the praise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t unless I am taking the piss of myself. But prefer it that way.
I don’t believe that achievements can be achieved without help.
They can't but it's not wrong to accept praise for your part in something.
Oh yes it is not wrong at all.
For my part maybe I’ll accept it but still, if I got there, I must have learnt something from someone at some point. "
All true, but many would not have used that learning or even paid attention in the first place so the progression and self-development is your own 'work product'  |
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"I don’t unless I am taking the piss of myself. But prefer it that way.
I don’t believe that achievements can be achieved without help.
They can't but it's not wrong to accept praise for your part in something.
Oh yes it is not wrong at all.
For my part maybe I’ll accept it but still, if I got there, I must have learnt something from someone at some point. "
Of course. If anyone complimented me professionally I just handed them a list of all the people who has trained me, my colleagues, college lecturers, school teachers, parents and relatives. It saved time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t unless I am taking the piss of myself. But prefer it that way.
I don’t believe that achievements can be achieved without help.
They can't but it's not wrong to accept praise for your part in something.
Oh yes it is not wrong at all.
For my part maybe I’ll accept it but still, if I got there, I must have learnt something from someone at some point.
Of course. If anyone complimented me professionally I just handed them a list of all the people who has trained me, my colleagues, college lecturers, school teachers, parents and relatives. It saved time "
And fab meets too ! That’s why I always keep an excel sheet with me |
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The Oscar for best Actor of the Year goes to ............
'Oh my God it wasn't me! Honest, I did nothing. It was the other actors, the producer, the scriptwriters, the camera crew, the location finders, the audience, the make up artists, my drama school teacher, RADA , my parents, my brothers and sisters, my best friends for encouraging me to go in the school nativity , Jesus, the caretaker and cleaners and sperm ....... never underestimate sperm. |
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It took years of training myself to just say 'Thank You' when I received credit.
I have a 'just get on with it' head on and found it uncomfortable when people praised me for behaviour I didn't think was praiseworthy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn’t it a stereotypical Brit thing to be self effacing and humble… sadly that does hold people back.
Time to say yes I did it and it was bloody good… in this day and age no one else is going to blow your trumpet… |
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"Isn’t it a stereotypical Brit thing to be self effacing and humble… sadly that does hold people back.
Time to say yes I did it and it was bloody good… in this day and age no one else is going to blow your trumpet… "
That attitude is not welcome in Britain. You must claim to be thoroughly useless as you collect your Nobel prize for bringing about world peace while finding a cure for cancer and ending hunger. Nobody likes a show off.  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Its hard for a lot of people.
A classic example is in interviews most people say “we did” instead of “I did”, which can lead interviewers to giving you little credit for work you do.
Its a double edged sword as we are afraid if being ridiculed or labelled as arrogant or egotistical. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t unless I am taking the piss of myself. But prefer it that way.
I don’t believe that achievements can be achieved without help.
They can't but it's not wrong to accept praise for your part in something.
Oh yes it is not wrong at all.
For my part maybe I’ll accept it but still, if I got there, I must have learnt something from someone at some point.
Of course. If anyone complimented me professionally I just handed them a list of all the people who has trained me, my colleagues, college lecturers, school teachers, parents and relatives. It saved time "
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