FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Friends with benefits
Friends with benefits
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a swinger's site, most here will be the jealous kind, wanting to keep their partners to themselves 
On a serious note, I've seen several singles claim they wouldn't bring a partner into this lifestyle |
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By *illyv OP Man
over a year ago
bexleyheath |
Its a funny reason why i asked this question so im single and i have/had this same friend with benefits for couple months now told her i was on here and i go to clubs and events and she went crazy and told me i was out of order and she wants me to her self just to find out she been on tinder and has been going on dates lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its a funny reason why i asked this question so im single and i have/had this same friend with benefits for couple months now told her i was on here and i go to clubs and events and she went crazy and told me i was out of order and she wants me to her self just to find out she been on tinder and has been going on dates lol "
Run |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its a funny reason why i asked this question so im single and i have/had this same friend with benefits for couple months now told her i was on here and i go to clubs and events and she went crazy and told me i was out of order and she wants me to her self just to find out she been on tinder and has been going on dates lol "
In short, she waved a huge red flag in your face |
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By *illyv OP Man
over a year ago
bexleyheath |
Haha loving the reply’s yer defo a red flag or two lately problem is we have been friends for a long time but only been friends with benefits for about a year and half on and off at the start so bit hard to just walk away ? |
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"Haha loving the reply’s yer defo a red flag or two lately problem is we have been friends for a long time but only been friends with benefits for about a year and half on and off at the start so bit hard to just walk away ?
"
I thought you said you were friends with benefits for a couple of months |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Haha loving the reply’s yer defo a red flag or two lately problem is we have been friends for a long time but only been friends with benefits for about a year and half on and off at the start so bit hard to just walk away ? "
It's possible there's feelings being ignored or denied here.
Maybe sit down with her, discuss what hopes you both have and how you feel about the situation.
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It’s hard if they are friends already but being close is sometimes not a good thing ? Try to put sometime between meets so it doesn’t turn into more of a relationship than someone you have great fun with and that’s all ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tried that and all i got back from her was no dont want a relationship but also dont want you fucking or keeting other people i want you all to my self lol ?? "
No, just no.
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"Tried that and all i got back from her was no dont want a relationship but also dont want you fucking or keeting other people i want you all to my self lol ?? "
Fair enough if that’s what she wants. That’s what I do. I’m not a fan of sharing my men. She should have said this from the beginning though. That’s where people get all these problems. Be honest and straight about what you want! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tried that and all i got back from her was no dont want a relationship but also dont want you fucking or keeting other people i want you all to my self lol ?? "
I'd say, well put a stop to it then.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tried that and all i got back from her was no dont want a relationship but also dont want you fucking or keeting other people i want you all to my self lol ?? "
People say that to make it sound like a good or a cute thing but actually it's controlling and manipulative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As long as she uses protection I don’t mind "
No offence but what business is it of yours if she does or not? She is just a friend who lets you fuck her shes not your girlfriend. No hate meant, just asking the question? |
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"Tried that and all i got back from her was no dont want a relationship but also dont want you fucking or keeting other people i want you all to my self lol ?? "
Yet she can have dates from Tinder ? |
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"Its a funny reason why i asked this question so im single and i have/had this same friend with benefits for couple months now told her i was on here and i go to clubs and events and she went crazy and told me i was out of order and she wants me to her self just to find out she been on tinder and has been going on dates lol "
Get rid.
Hardly how a friend would treat you.
I don’t do FWB or fuckbuddies cos I think the lines always get blurred. I often club with male friends though and absolutely do as they like.
If i was jealous that’s my problem not theirs and I’d remove myself from the situation.
No one has any right to be jealous or demanding. |
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This probably sounds like a real first world problem to all the men out there not getting any! Ahem!
You’ve bother been exploring other options in different ways. I don’t see the problem!
Either leave it like it is, or have the dreaded exclusivity chat!! The choice is as much yours as hers! I’ll swap with you if you like
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Ah I've had this, I was fucking a girl for a bit, she wanted more than me and I made it clear what I wanted. She fucked some guy she was friends with but as soon as I got attention from another lady she went mad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As long as she uses protection I don’t mind
No offence but what business is it of yours if she does or not? She is just a friend who lets you fuck her shes not your girlfriend. No hate meant, just asking the question?"
You might want to ask yourself that question in what it's got to do with you
He's absolutely in his right to say he's fine with it so long as there's protection, if he uses protection too.
It's good to know the facts and if not comfortable then change things.
I wouldn't see it as a friend who let's me fuck her, but two friends fucking together and therefore to be respectful of one another.
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Does ‘ cake and eat it’ spring to mind
This is a swinging site, why do people want to treat it like a dating site? If you enter into an FWB arrangement you should agree the boundaries from the onset. Don’t try to bend the boundaries to meet YOUR requirements, that’s not fair.
And because it’s a swinging site you cannot expect a FWB to be exclusive to you! There may be times when you alone are not enough, it becomes tedious. At the point you are treating it like a relationship is often the point they bail out and when the drama llamas come out because it isn’t what you thought it was!
I don’t think a lot of people here find an exclusive FWB simply because they make it obvious it comes with complications that often become more than it’s worth to some.
An FWB arrangement works for me because I compartmentalise it. I pick it up and put it down as suits me, as suits ‘us’ I dont ask questions about other people, nor do I share details therefore there is no reason to be jealous.
It’s there to be enjoyed whilst you have the time together. Don’t make it something it clearly not! |
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"Tried that and all i got back from her was no dont want a relationship but also dont want you fucking or keeting other people i want you all to my self lol ?? "
Also known as “meeting as many people as I want, but you can’t”
That’s a big no. Huge red flag |
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"As long as she uses protection I don’t mind
No offence but what business is it of yours if she does or not? She is just a friend who lets you fuck her shes not your girlfriend. No hate meant, just asking the question?"
No offence taken
We don’t use protection, so I’d like to know we are both being responsible with other partners for each other’s safety |
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It boils down to everyone does fab their own way. Communication is key. That’s where the problem lies. If you want different things then walk away, never try to change someone. Just be honest. It’s always worked for me and I’m still good friends with every single person I’ve met. |
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By *illyv OP Man
over a year ago
bexleyheath |
Thanks for the replies everyone gonna have another chat with her tonight and tell her how i feel and that i dont want a relationship im happy being free and enjoying life and having fun with fab and that she will always be my friend but think the benefits needs to stop before makes things worse and lose each other as friends? |
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"Thanks for the replies everyone gonna have another chat with her tonight and tell her how i feel and that i dont want a relationship im happy being free and enjoying life and having fun with fab and that she will always be my friend but think the benefits needs to stop before makes things worse and lose each other as friends? "
Smart move, just be prepared. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. She’s probably never heard no in her life before, might effect the relationship even though your doing the right thing  |
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"Thanks for the replies everyone gonna have another chat with her tonight and tell her how i feel and that i dont want a relationship im happy being free and enjoying life and having fun with fab and that she will always be my friend but think the benefits needs to stop before makes things worse and lose each other as friends? "
Totally the right approach, man.
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"Tried that and all i got back from her was no dont want a relationship but also dont want you fucking or keeting other people i want you all to my self lol ?? "
I'm afraid you may lose the friendship. If you both don't want a relationship but she wants you all to herself,means she's hiding the fact she has feelings for you and actually wants a relationship but saying she doesn't just to keep you near. I hope you work it out,as I've been there and lost my best friend (him not me) found it awkward,and it felt like I lost my right arm..(he was also jealous,but was ok for him to see others)
Good luck OP |
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"Tried that and all i got back from her was no dont want a relationship but also dont want you fucking or keeting other people i want you all to my self lol ??
I'm afraid you may lose the friendship. If you both don't want a relationship but she wants you all to herself,means she's hiding the fact she has feelings for you and actually wants a relationship but saying she doesn't just to keep you near. I hope you work it out,as I've been there and lost my best friend (him not me) found it awkward,and it felt like I lost my right arm..(he was also jealous,but was ok for him to see others)
Good luck OP "
I agree with this. Once you cross that line she will quite possibly close the door or you may find yourself having to do so. It’s likely she will be very upset but you will have to deal with that and move on. Whilst you may intend to remain friends it probably won’t work out that way in the long run.
I hope you can find a way to gently and kindly move on OP |
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"Have you considered lying to her and saying you will be exclusive ?
Solution to a problem. "
But it’s not a solution! Moral and compass? She deserves a little respect if nothing else. Why lie and create what could become a very uncomfortable situation
Lying is NOT the solution |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try to avoid them. I’ve had them before and I’ve ended up jealous because I like them more than that. I’ve had them where they’ve also felt jealous because they want more. I have people on here I have met more than once but I keep the contact pretty minimal in between meets to keep emotional distance and avoid any build up of expectations of exclusivity and demands of my time. |
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Not got one but if I did would b happy to share! Been to a couple of clubs there didn't seem to b much sharing though the couples seemed to stick together apart from one couple which I found strange x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the replies everyone gonna have another chat with her tonight and tell her how i feel and that i dont want a relationship im happy being free and enjoying life and having fun with fab and that she will always be my friend but think the benefits needs to stop before makes things worse and lose each other as friends? "
I think that's the best option. She's being unreasonable. If she doesn't like what you do she shouldn't continue on with you. You don't owe her anything. She's a huge red flag, demanding this of you. And even worse is that's she is happy to see others.
I'm very much like Nora, I don't want to meet anyone who is meeting others at the same time. I wouldn't ever place rules down and expect him to do as I want though. I'd want honesty so I could find someone else I'm more compatible with.
Good luck!
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By *illyv OP Man
over a year ago
bexleyheath |
Update so i have messaged her and asked if we can have a chat tonight so once again i will tell her i dont want nothing serious and i dont think we can carry on being friends with benefits but would like to stay pals with her lets hope she understands |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As long as she uses protection I don’t mind
No offence but what business is it of yours if she does or not? She is just a friend who lets you fuck her shes not your girlfriend. No hate meant, just asking the question?
No offence taken
We don’t use protection, so I’d like to know we are both being responsible with other partners for each other’s safety "
Thats fair enough but surely you should use protetion so you both can keep safe when with others. Sounds strange that you both get unprotected yet others dont? Just how i see it as your fwb is no better or less than the other fwb you both have |
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"As long as she uses protection I don’t mind
No offence but what business is it of yours if she does or not? She is just a friend who lets you fuck her shes not your girlfriend. No hate meant, just asking the question?
No offence taken
We don’t use protection, so I’d like to know we are both being responsible with other partners for each other’s safety
Thats fair enough but surely you should use protetion so you both can keep safe when with others. Sounds strange that you both get unprotected yet others dont? Just how i see it as your fwb is no better or less than the other fwb you both have "
We’ve been fwb for a long time so we’ve progressed to no protection because we prefer that and have built a level of trust
I’d never expect a new fwb to do that because I’d be using protection with her until we’ve reached a level of trust |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Update so i have messaged her and asked if we can have a chat tonight so once again i will tell her i dont want nothing serious and i dont think we can carry on being friends with benefits but would like to stay pals with her lets hope she understands "
I believe you're doing the right thing, regardless of the outcome.
Though don't say that after sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its a funny reason why i asked this question so im single and i have/had this same friend with benefits for couple months now told her i was on here and i go to clubs and events and she went crazy and told me i was out of order and she wants me to her self just to find out she been on tinder and has been going on dates lol "
Lol. Ignorance truly is bliss atimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you considered lying to her and saying you will be exclusive ?"
Just lie to her! None of her business who you fuck. She's fucking around - so can you OP. |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
I got 3 friends with benefits haha but took a while to get here!
They all got clingy at 1 point and thought of ending the benefits part of arrangement.
But will clear communication we got there eventually and all is well now |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
"Update so i have messaged her and asked if we can have a chat tonight so once again i will tell her i dont want nothing serious and i dont think we can carry on being friends with benefits but would like to stay pals with her lets hope she understands "
Good Luck OP, hope it’ll work out for you.
I was in exactly the same situation. FEB was jealous of me seeing others yet was on Tinder herself. Stated didn’t want relationship yet was behaving like gf. I ended up losing a friend for good unfortunately. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I do and no jealousy at all .
To be honest I think FWB and poly are quite interchangeable for me, I have feelings for my friends regardless of whether we have sex or not , that’s why they are friends, but I do have FB too that are like friends without any feelings but occasional sex. |
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"Thanks for the replies everyone gonna have another chat with her tonight and tell her how i feel and that i dont want a relationship im happy being free and enjoying life and having fun with fab and that she will always be my friend but think the benefits needs to stop before makes things worse and lose each other as friends?
I think that's the best option. She's being unreasonable. If she doesn't like what you do she shouldn't continue on with you. You don't owe her anything. She's a huge red flag, demanding this of you. And even worse is that's she is happy to see others.
I'm very much like Nora, I don't want to meet anyone who is meeting others at the same time. I wouldn't ever place rules down and expect him to do as I want though. I'd want honesty so I could find someone else I'm more compatible with.
Good luck!
"
Hello LBC
In this environment how would you know if they were seeing someone else? I don’t think an Fwb arrangement is ever exclusive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a cracking fwb and we have the greatest time exploring our boundaries but I have always told her that I wouldn't put her off if she found something that tempted her......I mean I'd be gutted but it would make me happy knowing that she was enjoying herself and meeting her needs. She has always said the same to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the replies everyone gonna have another chat with her tonight and tell her how i feel and that i dont want a relationship im happy being free and enjoying life and having fun with fab and that she will always be my friend but think the benefits needs to stop before makes things worse and lose each other as friends?
I think that's the best option. She's being unreasonable. If she doesn't like what you do she shouldn't continue on with you. You don't owe her anything. She's a huge red flag, demanding this of you. And even worse is that's she is happy to see others.
I'm very much like Nora, I don't want to meet anyone who is meeting others at the same time. I wouldn't ever place rules down and expect him to do as I want though. I'd want honesty so I could find someone else I'm more compatible with.
Good luck!
Hello LBC
In this environment how would you know if they were seeing someone else? I don’t think an Fwb arrangement is ever exclusive "
Hello lovely!
Well I wouldn't ever arrange an intimate meet without getting to know and building a connection with someone first, so by that point I'd know if they planned to meet others.
I know it's unreasonable to want someone to yourself when you're not committed but I can't stand the thought of being someone thrown in with loads of other options. Casual quick sex with no connection isn't for me. |
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I have an amazing FWB and everything we do is based on trust.
A few years ago a woman on here suggested we became FWB's but she had terms and conditions.
I had to agree to her meeting her two other FWB's whenever she wished but I had to be exclusive to her.
I told her I wasn't interested in an arrangement like that and the resulting drama caused me to leave the site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only one I had, blocked me because I now drive a Ford Fiesta ! "
She sounds like a bitch! Have you tried driving a lorry that is built like Harold's dick instead? |
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"Its a funny reason why i asked this question so im single and i have/had this same friend with benefits for couple months now told her i was on here and i go to clubs and events and she went crazy and told me i was out of order and she wants me to her self just to find out she been on tinder and has been going on dates lol "
Wow. So much going on there. |
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"Went from being once every couple weeks to couple nights aweek
Couple of nights a week is a relationship I’m my eyes.
I think you have your wires crossed. "
How? A proper relationship to me is being involved in my every day life, meeting my kids, coming to dinner at my parents, going on holiday. Something I’m not and will never be looking for.
A FWB is to have fun in the bubble, including other things as well as sex but it doesn’t cross into my real life.
I guess it depends on people’s definitions of it. |
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By *illyv OP Man
over a year ago
bexleyheath |
So update time after having a long chat it turns out she had started getting feeling for me and all the tinder dates was to try stop her falling for me witch she says didnt help just made her want me more.. so we have agreed to stop fucking each other and have some time apart as i dont want a relationship right now and agreed to meet up in couple weeks as just friends for a catch up chat.. not going to lie we had one last bit of naughty fun witch im now thinking might have given her the wrong idea |
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By *urvySub87Woman
over a year ago
Near Wellingborough |
"So update time after having a long chat it turns out she had started getting feeling for me and all the tinder dates was to try stop her falling for me witch she says didnt help just made her want me more.. so we have agreed to stop fucking each other and have some time apart as i dont want a relationship right now and agreed to meet up in couple weeks as just friends for a catch up chat.. not going to lie we had one last bit of naughty fun witch im now thinking might have given her the wrong idea "
Maybe shouldn't of had one for the road  Feelings are a nuisance to deal with at the best of times. I'd personally give yourselves a few months break rather than a couple of weeks. Let her have the time to get over you properly and figure out if you can be just friends |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everytime I've done the friends with benefits thing they have always fallen in live with me, it starts off with the whole this is fine thing and then progresses to the whole "I can't do this I'm in love with you" bit and then I feel really shit like I've done something wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have exactly this situation now. Whilst I know its the best thing for her, it still hurts. All that time we used to spend together has now been cut short, and I know she's regularly off with other guys, mainly for socials, sometimes more. I know its wrong of me but it hurts. I wished Id never shown her Fab.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So update time after having a long chat it turns out she had started getting feeling for me and all the tinder dates was to try stop her falling for me witch she says didnt help just made her want me more.. so we have agreed to stop fucking each other and have some time apart as i dont want a relationship right now and agreed to meet up in couple weeks as just friends for a catch up chat.. not going to lie we had one last bit of naughty fun witch im now thinking might have given her the wrong idea "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So update time after having a long chat it turns out she had started getting feeling for me and all the tinder dates was to try stop her falling for me witch she says didnt help just made her want me more.. so we have agreed to stop fucking each other and have some time apart as i dont want a relationship right now and agreed to meet up in couple weeks as just friends for a catch up chat.. not going to lie we had one last bit of naughty fun witch im now thinking might have given her the wrong idea "
Let’s take a break for a few week…… and you couldn’t last taking a break for a few minutes.
How do you end up having a bit of naughty fun?
Goodbye sex and kisses always leave the wrong impression.
I’m not a relationship councillor …
*Narrator - Thank goodness!
… but if feelings have developed when all you had was supposedly just a sexual relationship and neither one of you can get that right, having sex to say let’s take a break wasn’t the best move for you both.
Just my opinion. |
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"So update time after having a long chat it turns out she had started getting feeling for me and all the tinder dates was to try stop her falling for me witch she says didnt help just made her want me more.. so we have agreed to stop fucking each other and have some time apart as i dont want a relationship right now and agreed to meet up in couple weeks as just friends for a catch up chat.. not going to lie we had one last bit of naughty fun witch im now thinking might have given her the wrong idea "
The old “I was only letting loads of lads from tinder smash my back ends in because I love you” schtick
Maybe I’m cynical, but I call bs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The old “I was only letting loads of lads from tinder smash my back ends in because I love you” schtick
Maybe I’m cynical, but I call bs "
it’s easy to forget someone’s name when there’s so many others to remember  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbf it sounds toxic for both of you. She confessed she that she was falling for you, you had sex with her and told her you're meet in a few weeks....breadcrumbing, you've given her hope and not been clear with your words or actions.
Imagine if she came on Fab with her version of the scenario! You'd be slaughtered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So update time after having a long chat it turns out she had started getting feeling for me and all the tinder dates was to try stop her falling for me witch she says didnt help just made her want me more.. so we have agreed to stop fucking each other and have some time apart as i dont want a relationship right now and agreed to meet up in couple weeks as just friends for a catch up chat.. not going to lie we had one last bit of naughty fun witch im now thinking might have given her the wrong idea "
Oooo big hiccup there.
If she's developing feelings, you're not.
That's naughty. |
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Every time I see a tale like this, I wonder why people continue to see others regularly when they've been explicitly told 'now don't you dare develop feelings towards me cos it won't be reciprocated '
I think it shows complete disregard from the outset |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So update time after having a long chat it turns out she had started getting feeling for me and all the tinder dates was to try stop her falling for me witch she says didnt help just made her want me more.. so we have agreed to stop fucking each other and have some time apart as i dont want a relationship right now and agreed to meet up in couple weeks as just friends for a catch up chat.. not going to lie we had one last bit of naughty fun witch im now thinking might have given her the wrong idea
Let’s take a break for a few week…… and you couldn’t last taking a break for a few minutes.
How do you end up having a bit of naughty fun?
Goodbye sex and kisses always leave the wrong impression.
I’m not a relationship councillor …
*Narrator - Thank goodness!
… but if feelings have developed when all you had was supposedly just a sexual relationship and neither one of you can get that right, having sex to say let’s take a break wasn’t the best move for you both.
Just my opinion. "
Fair point well made.
Keeps her coming back for more. He gets the sex but can say, "I told you, no relationship!" |
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"Haha loving the reply’s yer defo a red flag or two lately problem is we have been friends for a long time but only been friends with benefits for about a year and half on and off at the start so bit hard to just walk away ? "
Depends how fit she is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So update time after having a long chat it turns out she had started getting feeling for me and all the tinder dates was to try stop her falling for me witch she says didnt help just made her want me more.. so we have agreed to stop fucking each other and have some time apart as i dont want a relationship right now and agreed to meet up in couple weeks as just friends for a catch up chat.. not going to lie we had one last bit of naughty fun witch im now thinking might have given her the wrong idea "
Yeah, so you'll be seeing her again by the end of the week.
Good luck
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So update time after having a long chat it turns out she had started getting feeling for me and all the tinder dates was to try stop her falling for me witch she says didnt help just made her want me more.. so we have agreed to stop fucking each other and have some time apart as i dont want a relationship right now and agreed to meet up in couple weeks as just friends for a catch up chat.. not going to lie we had one last bit of naughty fun witch im now thinking might have given her the wrong idea "
Be kind and end it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Situationaships seem to be the new thing now... But having fun with someone on a regular basis is bound to create feelings. Unless your a grey rock...  "
A very quick Google of Situationship would put anyone with an ounce of self-preservation off them for life  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I have a FWB and they see other folk I’d rather not know the details. "
I am often turned off a person by the most random things.
It's been an issue in the past for me seeing the who/how/what of past veris for someone(s) I'm interested in or knowing current 'also-rans'. It can spoil a good thing if you're not careful.
But I'm also too curious for words and love talking about sex and other things (*massive spoiler there, I know) so I just have to walk a fine line at my own risk  |
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