I am in a sexless marriage ! ( no blame , wife’s menopause issues). We have a nice comfortable life but I’m often self helping as it’s been over 5 years since I had sex ,
My question is two fold, firstly , how long have you gone without sex, and secondly does anyone have helpful suggestions either way ? |
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"I am in a sexless marriage ! ( no blame , wife’s menopause issues). We have a nice comfortable life but I’m often self helping as it’s been over 5 years since I had sex ,
My question is two fold, firstly , how long have you gone without sex, and secondly does anyone have helpful suggestions either way ? "
As you have been on Fab for four years without having any sex maybe you need to think about changing your profile or approach |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
5 years??? 
Whoa… and I think I have it bad with 2 months!
My husband has never been interested, but now it’s worse than ever. And I have no time or energy for socials/meets/clubs so that aspect of my life is crap atm despite everything else going well really! |
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"I am in a sexless marriage ! ( no blame , wife’s menopause issues). We have a nice comfortable life but I’m often self helping as it’s been over 5 years since I had sex ,
My question is two fold, firstly , how long have you gone without sex, and secondly does anyone have helpful suggestions either way ? "
I'm currently coming up 2 n half years without. Not phased by it in the slightest.
Helpful suggestions, well it will only be helpful if you take it on board.
Research as much as you can regarding menopause.
Talk. Calmly, honestly and with care an compassion. |
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Thanks for the positive feedback, please don’t think that I’m a b****rd , I’m kind and thoughtful with my wife and have supported her through many of her health issues in addition to the menopause.
Above all, I don’t want to hurt her feelings but sincerely she’s just not interested in me sexually
Plus I don’t use the site very often, hence why I’ve not really interacted with many people |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Hi op
Like others have said you need to sit and have a chat with your wife.
If you can't go without sex then ask her if you can get it elsewhere discreetly ,explain how its making you feel etc and see if there's a compromise you can come to . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As much as the man is always painted as the bastard in this situation I think it is unreasonable for a partner to expect the other to go without sex for 5 years. Talk to your partner and explain how it makes you feel and see what her response is. You won’t know how she feels unless you talk to her. |
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Yep it’s awkward but try to talk! I’m in a similar position - we did openly consider an open marriage at one stage but she was worried she wouldn’t get as much sex as me for some reason! If sex is more than once every three months I consider myself extremely lucky! Sessions are generally extremely limited in their time and scope to 5 mins of missionary before she demands her beauty sleep!
But she has allowed me to play away when she’s away. She knows I’m here but doesn’t want to know anything about it! She maybe menopausal - I’m honestly not sure but the marriage is fine in most other areas so, like you, leaving or upsetting her are not options.
It’s difficult, but there are tons of us out there! We all have to try to navigate the best way forward with the least upset: the path of least resistance! There’s no easy solution! |
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"As much as the man is always painted as the bastard in this situation I think it is unreasonable for a partner to expect the other to go without sex for 5 years. Talk to your partner and explain how it makes you feel and see what her response is. You won’t know how she feels unless you talk to her."
I agree. The sympathy is always directed at the woman whether she's the one who doesn't want to have sex or she's the one who's not getting it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just talk to her. She might have issues about how you feel coz you are not having any sex.
She might have the same worries just on the flipside of the coin.
If the conversation doesn't go well then you know your own mind and what you need to do? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As much as the man is always painted as the bastard in this situation I think it is unreasonable for a partner to expect the other to go without sex for 5 years. Talk to your partner and explain how it makes you feel and see what her response is. You won’t know how she feels unless you talk to her.
I agree. The sympathy is always directed at the woman whether she's the one who doesn't want to have sex or she's the one who's not getting it. "
Exactly. 5 years is a very long time and if my partner wasn’t willing to come to some sort of compromise or at least discuss other options I would question how much they actually cared about me. IF the OP has been understanding of his wife’s situation then I think the least he deserves is a bit of the same in return. |
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"As much as the man is always painted as the bastard in this situation I think it is unreasonable for a partner to expect the other to go without sex for 5 years. Talk to your partner and explain how it makes you feel and see what her response is. You won’t know how she feels unless you talk to her.
I agree. The sympathy is always directed at the woman whether she's the one who doesn't want to have sex or she's the one who's not getting it.
Exactly. 5 years is a very long time and if my partner wasn’t willing to come to some sort of compromise or at least discuss other options I would question how much they actually cared about me. IF the OP has been understanding of his wife’s situation then I think the least he deserves is a bit of the same in return. "
Yep. |
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"Yep it’s awkward but try to talk! I’m in a similar position - we did openly consider an open marriage at one stage but she was worried she wouldn’t get as much sex as me for some reason! If sex is more than once every three months I consider myself extremely lucky! Sessions are generally extremely limited in their time and scope to 5 mins of missionary before she demands her beauty sleep!
But she has allowed me to play away when she’s away. She knows I’m here but doesn’t want to know anything about it! She maybe menopausal - I’m honestly not sure but the marriage is fine in most other areas so, like you, leaving or upsetting her are not options.
It’s difficult, but there are tons of us out there! We all have to try to navigate the best way forward with the least upset: the path of least resistance! There’s no easy solution!"
Agree  |
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By *ea wangMan
over a year ago
scunthorpe |
Op if you love your wife you should talk to her about your problems IE sex life and lack of it but remember she is having to struggle with changes to who she is and the things she will no longer be able to do so sex won't be on here priority list as much as it is on yours |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I was celibate for 14 years. The thing that helped long-term was to not engage in anything sexual until the cravings passed completely. No masturbation at all. It's frustrating at first but that will pass.
OP, is any sex at all the goal or is it physical affection you crave? Talking to women and men about menopause leads me to think the loss of physical affection is more important than sex, for most.
The woman withholds or denies physical affection in case it raises an expectation of sex. The man gets confused, sometimes angry, often dejected and feels rejected because their affection is misinterpreted as an overture of sex. Although, sometimes it is for the hopeful.
Three women I know gave their husbands permission to seek sex. Each felt able to do that because they trusted their husbands to keep to the boundaries agreed.
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I've gone several years without, I lost count. When we are motivated, our species will endure and succeed with the greatest, unimaginable circumstances.
In relationships, we can only build up our intimacy primarily with communication. It may be tough but that's how we become closer and improve our mutual understanding of each other.
Counselling can help, if we face issues with communication and improving our communication and intimacy |
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"Thanks for the positive feedback, please don’t think that I’m a b****rd , I’m kind and thoughtful with my wife and have supported her through many of her health issues in addition to the menopause.
Above all, I don’t want to hurt her feelings but sincerely she’s just not interested in me sexually
Plus I don’t use the site very often, hence why I’ve not really interacted with many people "
So where are you getting sex from then. ? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Thanks for the positive feedback, please don’t think that I’m a b****rd , I’m kind and thoughtful with my wife and have supported her through many of her health issues in addition to the menopause.
Above all, I don’t want to hurt her feelings but sincerely she’s just not interested in me sexually
Plus I don’t use the site very often, hence why I’ve not really interacted with many people
So where are you getting sex from then. ?"
The OP said he hasn't had sex for 5 years. |
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"I was celibate for 14 years. The thing that helped long-term was to not engage in anything sexual until the cravings passed completely. No masturbation at all. It's frustrating at first but that will pass.
OP, is any sex at all the goal or is it physical affection you crave? Talking to women and men about menopause leads me to think the loss of physical affection is more important than sex, for most.
The woman withholds or denies physical affection in case it raises an expectation of sex. The man gets confused, sometimes angry, often dejected and feels rejected because their affection is misinterpreted as an overture of sex. Although, sometimes it is for the hopeful.
Three women I know gave their husbands permission to seek sex. Each felt able to do that because they trusted their husbands to keep to the boundaries agreed.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why isn't she interested in you sexually?
I can't imagine how it must feel to know your partner has no desire to be intimate with you. And to constantly be rejected. I'd be devastated. And I could never imagine putting my partner through that.
Have you spoken to her about it? I only see a few options. You accept it. You enter an open relationship. You leave her. Or you cheat on her.
I wouldn't judge you for any of them. It's not always just the man being a selfish cunt. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Why isn't she interested in you sexually?
I can't imagine how it must feel to know your partner has no desire to be intimate with you. And to constantly be rejected. I'd be devastated. And I could never imagine putting my partner through that.
Have you spoken to her about it? I only see a few options. You accept it. You enter an open relationship. You leave her. Or you cheat on her.
I wouldn't judge you for any of them. It's not always just the man being a selfish cunt. "
There's no denying it is hard for anyone rejected sexually, intimately by their partners. It hurts, whatever the reason for it. Just, you never know how your menopause will affect you. |
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