FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is shit sex..
Is shit sex..
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"..enough to end a relationship?
"
I can't answer that but I do know a lack of communication and a failure to express the sentiment to your partner is.
If you can't talk to them to try and improve things then maybe it's not the relationship you want
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not necessarily. Sex can always get better with good communication. I believe communication is as important as physical attraction. Sometimes people get over excited and don’t perform as well as they normally would with previous partners. Give it a chance and see how it goes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"..enough to end a relationship?
I can't answer that but I do know a lack of communication and a failure to express the sentiment to your partner is.
If you can't talk to them to try and improve things then maybe it's not the relationship you want
"
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By *urvySub87Woman
over a year ago
Near Wellingborough |
Sex isn't everything but it does need to be something and it definitely needs to be something even slightly enjoyable. Otherwise there is the risk of the sex life going stale and your partner cheating |
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"..enough to end a relationship?
"
When you say Shit sex. 1/ What constitutes Shit sex ?
Are they too vanilla for you ?
Are they a bit frigid ?
Have they been brainwashed into thinking sex is dirty or bad ?
2/ Do you know if your partner thinks the same or if they think it's brilliant ? It depends on the level of sex the person got in a previous relationship ?
However, if you're not confident enough in yourself to talk to your partner about it things won't improve with anyone. Unless you expect your partners to be mind readers.
Another important factor in a relationship is , how would you feel if they fell ill and had a colostomy bag fitted? Would you still love them and want to be with them or if they ended up in a wheelchair ? And what if any of that happened to you would you of the opinion , " that's fair enough that they leave me" or would you be devestated ?
A true relationship really means opening your soul to someone but if they don't reciprocate it's a no go. |
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In my case the fact that my ex had no interest in sex and on the odd occasion it happened it was shit. I think that was an indicator of how little she cared about the relationship. That's what broke up the relationship and the shit sex was an outworking of that. Luke |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Depends why it’s bad. Some people have had only bad and limited experiences they don't know any different but are open to learning and being healed. Some people just struggle to be anatomically compatible. Others are very experienced and everything fits , but are clueless or have no interest in changing. |
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If it was good then got shit then yes.
Sex is very important to me in a relationship. For me the intimacy between me and a partner shows how much we love and want each other.
I've also had relationships where the sex has dried up or gone stale (not through want of trying on my part) and they've looked elsewhere so for me it's an early indication that they're cheating so I'd rather jump first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're shallow, yes.
Why does it make someone shallow?"
A relationship is much more than sex. Sex is one factor amongst others so if you end up a relationship because of one factor that according to your perspective is shit, I guess that makes you shallow. |
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"If you're shallow, yes.
Why does it make someone shallow?
A relationship is much more than sex. Sex is one factor amongst others so if you end up a relationship because of one factor that according to your perspective is shit, I guess that makes you shallow. "
But as stated many times it's often a symptom of something more going wrong in the relationship. Self preservation is not shallow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're shallow, yes.
Why does it make someone shallow?
A relationship is much more than sex. Sex is one factor amongst others so if you end up a relationship because of one factor that according to your perspective is shit, I guess that makes you shallow.
But as stated many times it's often a symptom of something more going wrong in the relationship. Self preservation is not shallow. "
Self preservation was not the question.
Based on the question purely it is shallow.
But I agree with you there in the symptoms, therefore the decision is way beyond shit sex. |
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I would say no I went through a spell where my partner totally lost her sex drove and we did not have sex for 6 months. People kept telling me to leave her and we were not swingers at the time either. If you truly love someone then you will find a way to make it work. Try talking to your partner and explain what you like and want and guide during. Obviously just my humble opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"..enough to end a relationship?
"
Yes. What's the point in being with someone if they aren't a good fuck?
If they don't fuck to the required standard or frequency, get rid.
2 weeks of no sex? Bin them and get someone else. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Yes. If you have both tried to improve it and they’re just not getting it then yeah.
I have done. Sex is important to me. I felt if he couldn’t give me good sex I’d want it from elsewhere, and he was too nice a guy for all that. So I ended it.
I have no regrets. |
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By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
"..enough to end a relationship?
I can't answer that but I do know a lack of communication and a failure to express the sentiment to your partner is.
If you can't talk to them to try and improve things then maybe it's not the relationship you want
"
EXACTLY THIS |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
And this site is full of people on here without their partners knowledge. Probably in the majority of cases (not all!) because they are not getting the kind of sex they want at home, so they look to supplement it from elsewhere.
So I’d say sex is pretty important to most people. Whether they want to admit that to themselves is another matter.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yh I’d say so. Most cause of splits I’d say. Passionless sex with no intimacy or lust for one another is dull and soul destroying. Most peoples heads turn xx |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"And this site is full of people on here without their partners knowledge. Probably in the majority of cases (not all!) because they are not getting the kind of sex they want at home, so they look to supplement it from elsewhere.
So I’d say sex is pretty important to most people. Whether they want to admit that to themselves is another matter.
"
Exactly LL.
I've been chatting to a guy for years who is extremely happy in his marriage in every way except the sex. There's not enough and she's not remotely willing to explore kinkier interests. He's tried talking and introducing new stuff. He's now looking to cheat and has spent so many years weighing up the pros and cons. I can't imagine feeling like that. Loving your long term partner but just needing more sexually. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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For those that said no, I wonder, genuinely, how long they would participate in passionless, cold sex, with someone who clearly isn't present in the moment...
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Like a lot of people said, it depends why it’s bad.
If they have little to no interest but they’re open to ENM then I wouldn’t leave a healthy relationship where a lot of my needs are met. If they’re not open to it then I am not sure I could compromise.
If it was bad because they’re lacking experience but willing to keep at it until it’s right then there’s no issue. It will click eventually |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
For some it means the other person is doing it from duty, and they aren't attracted to you anymore.
They may even despise you and are having an affair.
Better to end it than be a just to keep you sweet fuck. |
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"For those that said no, I wonder, genuinely, how long they would participate in passionless, cold sex, with someone who clearly isn't present in the moment...
"
That's a different question though. The bad sex for me wasn't cold and pasionless. Just often painful and not very pleasurable. We were together for a year so it wasn't a huge amount of time. I'm not sure if it would have eventually started to get to me if we stayed together.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never get into a relationship if sex is more important than loving another human being.
Fuck around instead.
If you have issues where you can't have sex anymore, you are literally worthless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And this site is full of people on here without their partners knowledge. Probably in the majority of cases (not all!) because they are not getting the kind of sex they want at home, so they look to supplement it from elsewhere.
So I’d say sex is pretty important to most people. Whether they want to admit that to themselves is another matter.
Exactly LL.
I've been chatting to a guy for years who is extremely happy in his marriage in every way except the sex. There's not enough and she's not remotely willing to explore kinkier interests. He's tried talking and introducing new stuff. He's now looking to cheat and has spent so many years weighing up the pros and cons. I can't imagine feeling like that. Loving your long term partner but just needing more sexually. "
If he is willing to cheat then he does not love his wife and should do the decent thing. If getting a shag is more important than the life you build together then he really does not love her and only thinks of sex. How truely sad for the unawhere wife. |
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No excuse for cheating ever.
To the original question it depends. A one off not great experience not the end of the world but if there’s no compatibility no effort on the part of one partner? You’re flogging a dead horse.
The difference between a relationship and a friendship is sex ultimately plus I also believe that a lack of effort there is indicative that they’re not as invested in the relationship anyway so cut your losses |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"And this site is full of people on here without their partners knowledge. Probably in the majority of cases (not all!) because they are not getting the kind of sex they want at home, so they look to supplement it from elsewhere.
So I’d say sex is pretty important to most people. Whether they want to admit that to themselves is another matter.
Exactly LL.
I've been chatting to a guy for years who is extremely happy in his marriage in every way except the sex. There's not enough and she's not remotely willing to explore kinkier interests. He's tried talking and introducing new stuff. He's now looking to cheat and has spent so many years weighing up the pros and cons. I can't imagine feeling like that. Loving your long term partner but just needing more sexually.
If he is willing to cheat then he does not love his wife and should do the decent thing. If getting a shag is more important than the life you build together then he really does not love her and only thinks of sex. How truely sad for the unawhere wife."
I'll disagree with that.
I believe you can love someone and have sex with other people.
We're discussing this on a swinging site. |
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"And this site is full of people on here without their partners knowledge. Probably in the majority of cases (not all!) because they are not getting the kind of sex they want at home, so they look to supplement it from elsewhere.
So I’d say sex is pretty important to most people. Whether they want to admit that to themselves is another matter.
Exactly LL.
I've been chatting to a guy for years who is extremely happy in his marriage in every way except the sex. There's not enough and she's not remotely willing to explore kinkier interests. He's tried talking and introducing new stuff. He's now looking to cheat and has spent so many years weighing up the pros and cons. I can't imagine feeling like that. Loving your long term partner but just needing more sexually.
If he is willing to cheat then he does not love his wife and should do the decent thing. If getting a shag is more important than the life you build together then he really does not love her and only thinks of sex. How truely sad for the unawhere wife.
I'll disagree with that.
I believe you can love someone and have sex with other people.
We're discussing this on a swinging site."
Swinging and cheating are not the same thing |
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"And this site is full of people on here without their partners knowledge. Probably in the majority of cases (not all!) because they are not getting the kind of sex they want at home, so they look to supplement it from elsewhere.
So I’d say sex is pretty important to most people. Whether they want to admit that to themselves is another matter.
Exactly LL.
I've been chatting to a guy for years who is extremely happy in his marriage in every way except the sex. There's not enough and she's not remotely willing to explore kinkier interests. He's tried talking and introducing new stuff. He's now looking to cheat and has spent so many years weighing up the pros and cons. I can't imagine feeling like that. Loving your long term partner but just needing more sexually.
If he is willing to cheat then he does not love his wife and should do the decent thing. If getting a shag is more important than the life you build together then he really does not love her and only thinks of sex. How truely sad for the unawhere wife.
I'll disagree with that.
I believe you can love someone and have sex with other people.
We're discussing this on a swinging site.
Swinging and cheating are not the same thing "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And this site is full of people on here without their partners knowledge. Probably in the majority of cases (not all!) because they are not getting the kind of sex they want at home, so they look to supplement it from elsewhere.
So I’d say sex is pretty important to most people. Whether they want to admit that to themselves is another matter.
Exactly LL.
I've been chatting to a guy for years who is extremely happy in his marriage in every way except the sex. There's not enough and she's not remotely willing to explore kinkier interests. He's tried talking and introducing new stuff. He's now looking to cheat and has spent so many years weighing up the pros and cons. I can't imagine feeling like that. Loving your long term partner but just needing more sexually.
If he is willing to cheat then he does not love his wife and should do the decent thing. If getting a shag is more important than the life you build together then he really does not love her and only thinks of sex. How truely sad for the unawhere wife.
I'll disagree with that.
I believe you can love someone and have sex with other people.
We're discussing this on a swinging site.
Swinging and cheating are not the same thing "
I think 'cheating' is a trigger for so many who have been on either side of the equation, and one where only those in each individual set of circumstances can judge.
Personally, I chose celebacy followed by divorce when my marriage died.
There are no two situations the same and it's an easy out to say that it's black and white.
Are there serial cheaters who have no love or respect for their partner? Yes
Are there cheaters who dearly love their partners, persisted and tried other avenues and have reluctantly dipped a toe outside of their vows? Yes
I could go on with a dozen more scenarios.
I make choices within my own moral compass, I walk my own path, and I will only engage with someone who is attached if their partner is on here or I can verify that they are aware.
A relationship will survive many challenges, bad sex and no sex included, if there are other intimacies like emotional or affection, and respect, and other connections to secure that bond. Two isolated people occupying a shared space is not a relationship..... that's got an expiration date for sure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For those that said no, I wonder, genuinely, how long they would participate in passionless, cold sex, with someone who clearly isn't present in the moment...
"
19 years... |
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"Another important factor in a relationship is , how would you feel if they fell ill and had a colostomy bag fitted? Would you still love them and want to be with them or if they ended up in a wheelchair ? And what if any of that happened to you would you of the opinion , " that's fair enough that they leave me" or would you be devestated ?"
I'm a bit confused by this comment as many people in these situations have active sex lives.
Shit sex is not the end of a relationship, but lack of communication and intimacy would be. Some men who are impotent will satisfy their partners with toys and foreplay, or for them to have a buddy to fulfil those needs, if that's what works for them.
Love and sex are two separate things, if love goes then that is the end. |
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WOW! Really!
So are people really that shallow and that the only reason they are with someone is for the sex.
If sex is the only thing keeping the foundations together in a relationship, then you shouldn't have started that relationship in the first place  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I probably wouldn't have got into a relationship if the sex was shit from the beginning. If that makes me shallow so be it.
I just think some people are not sexually compatible. You know when you feel you just fit together and match the same energy. That won't happen with everyone. In my mind it doesn't mean that person is always shit at sex just that we don't have good sex together.
If the sex had been amazing and then got shit, I'd say it was down to some issue in the relationship and if I loved them I'd try to fix that issue rather than leave cause the sex wasn't how it used to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes.
Dated someone very briefly with a chode, and a small one at that. Imagine a button mushroom, when hard. Nothing to work with."
What a very shallow women. Judging a guy by the size of his cock. He cant help how big it is. |
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"Yes.
Dated someone very briefly with a chode, and a small one at that. Imagine a button mushroom, when hard. Nothing to work with.
What a very shallow women. Judging a guy by the size of his cock. He cant help how big it is. "
Indeed he couldn’t. But I couldn’t help that it didn’t work for me.  |
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