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Mysteries of life that fuck me up a little
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Why is it always the tiny little one-bubble farts that smell like actual death?
Why do spiders always walk like they're late for a meeting?
Why is it impossible to start eating until I've picked something out on Netflix? |
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"I will never look at a spider now without imagining it has a briefcase."
And a top hat and muttering something in RP about it being jolly inconvenient that the little tyke left a blooming Ferrari in the middle of the engineered oak floor  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"I will never look at a spider now without imagining it has a briefcase.
And a top hat and muttering something in RP about it being jolly inconvenient that the little tyke left a blooming Ferrari in the middle of the engineered oak floor "
 yes! |
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"I will never look at a spider now without imagining it has a briefcase.
And a top hat and muttering something in RP about it being jolly inconvenient that the little tyke left a blooming Ferrari in the middle of the engineered oak floor
yes! "
Can we write a series of books about a spider in a top hat who's constantly foiled in his attempts to get to work, by children's toys?! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I will never look at a spider now without imagining it has a briefcase.
And a top hat and muttering something in RP about it being jolly inconvenient that the little tyke left a blooming Ferrari in the middle of the engineered oak floor
yes!
Can we write a series of books about a spider in a top hat who's constantly foiled in his attempts to get to work, by children's toys?! "
*peeks head around corner* |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I will never look at a spider now without imagining it has a briefcase.
And a top hat and muttering something in RP about it being jolly inconvenient that the little tyke left a blooming Ferrari in the middle of the engineered oak floor
yes!
Can we write a series of books about a spider in a top hat who's constantly foiled in his attempts to get to work, by children's toys?! "
I genuinely witnessed a massive thick spider jump into my nephew's toy box with an audible *thwack* once. There's definitely a story in this somewhere. |
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"I will never look at a spider now without imagining it has a briefcase.
And a top hat and muttering something in RP about it being jolly inconvenient that the little tyke left a blooming Ferrari in the middle of the engineered oak floor
yes!
Can we write a series of books about a spider in a top hat who's constantly foiled in his attempts to get to work, by children's toys?!
I genuinely witnessed a massive thick spider jump into my nephew's toy box with an audible *thwack* once. There's definitely a story in this somewhere. "
Must have being wearing Oxford brogues 
I'm going to make a start on the story tomorrow |
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You have an itch just under your right shoulder blade, that part just where you can't reach. You find something long enough to reach and start scratching it. The itch then moves four inches lower, moves to the left, up a bit, right a bit....... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You have an itch just under your right shoulder blade, that part just where you can't reach. You find something long enough to reach and start scratching it. The itch then moves four inches lower, moves to the left, up a bit, right a bit....... "
Yes and also why does scratching, which is technically a painful sensation, feel so damn good?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why, no matter how long I've looked at the menu for, do I always want what someone else has ordered?"
Oh I can't relate sorry, I always order really well.
In fact, I'm usually the one people look at and go "god I wish I'd ordered that" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I will never look at a spider now without imagining it has a briefcase."
Still terrifying tbh.
Just a thought I have when I see spiders in my living room move in-between furniture like they're pressed for time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why are the majority of hotel bathrooms either really outdated or just awful, when the rest of place is really nice  "
Yesss! I guess maybe the bedrooms are easier to renovate? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The lingering question that has pondered my simple little mind ever since the day I was born into this cold and cruel world, is at what time does it stop being late, and start being early? Hmmmm... |
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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago
In my happy place |
"Why, no matter how long I've looked at the menu for, do I always want what someone else has ordered?
Oh I can't relate sorry, I always order really well.
In fact, I'm usually the one people look at and go "god I wish I'd ordered that" "
I have to read the whole menu even if I know what I might want... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The lingering question that has pondered my simple little mind ever since the day I was born into this cold and cruel world, is at what time does it stop being late, and start being early? Hmmmm..."
4am |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When people knock on my front door like they live here
If they lived there wouldn't they have a key? "
My folks have keys, I wasn’t expecting post and I’m not available at the drop of a hat because I was in a meeting  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"Why when you’re in a bad mood can you guarantee your T-shirt will get caught on the door handle, which results in telling the door to fuck off."
I do this, and the jolt is usually a hard one and you hurt yourself a bit! Definitely worthy of a “fuck off!” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why can't I keep my glasses clean for more than ten minutes?  "
A coat of Rain-X (available from most motor factors) helps massively. It also adds a hydrophobic coating meaning rain runs straight off them if you get caught outside in a shower.
MrWho. |
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"You have an itch just under your right shoulder blade, that part just where you can't reach. You find something long enough to reach and start scratching it. The itch then moves four inches lower, moves to the left, up a bit, right a bit....... "
I can reach all of my back when the need arises |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why does my wife look at the menu online for a week before going to a restaurant and then pretend shes doesn’t know what she’s going to order when she gets there? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why does my wife look at the menu online for a week before going to a restaurant and then pretend shes doesn’t know what she’s going to order when she gets there?"
Stop putting your poor Mrs on blast
It's like when you're at someone's house and you pretend you can't see them coming with food, then act surprised when they offer you some. |
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"Why does my wife look at the menu online for a week before going to a restaurant and then pretend she doesn’t know what she’s going to order when she gets there?"
•
I suppose she wants to maintain the mystique of the JD Wetherspoon's menu! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is it always the tiny little one-bubble farts that smell like actual death?
Why do spiders always walk like they're late for a meeting?
Why is it impossible to start eating until I've picked something out on Netflix? "
1 they are the ones that built up, a mega gas explosion.
2 if you have seen the spider it saw you and is getting the fuck away as fast as possible before you squish it
3 as I don't currently subscribe to Netflix I have no idea |
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"Why does someone always knock on the door, as soon as you sit down in the bath  "
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I just experienced that confounded situation: 'been waiting three days for a parcel collection and then he turns up just after I've left home. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why do I always get the supermarket trolley with the fucked wheel, that only realises itself halfway down the first aisle..??"
"Damn I'm a supermarket trolley wheel? I could have been a doctor by now if I'd just stayed on track..." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why does my wife look at the menu online for a week before going to a restaurant and then pretend shes doesn’t know what she’s going to order when she gets there?
Stop putting your poor Mrs on blast
It's like when you're at someone's house and you pretend you can't see them coming with food, then act surprised when they offer you some."
I will always call her out for her “quirks”. It’s a good job she has a sense of humour or I’d be in trouble |
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Why, on the days i'm running late or have to drives miles to be somewhere at a certain time, do i find every dawdling fuckwitt on the planet seems to be out on the road and in front of me and they've decided to do roadworks every 100 meters.
On the days when i'm less time critical- bloody roads seem to be half empty and flowing free!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why does my wife look at the menu online for a week before going to a restaurant and then pretend she doesn’t know what she’s going to order when she gets there?
•
I suppose she wants to maintain the mystique of the JD Wetherspoon's menu! "
A breakfast and a cheap brown ale. Say what you want about spoons but that is a legendary combo |
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"Why can't I keep my glasses clean for more than ten minutes?
A coat of Rain-X (available from most motor factors) helps massively. It also adds a hydrophobic coating meaning rain runs straight off them if you get caught outside in a shower.
MrWho."
That is actually a fucking genius idea!  |
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"Why can't I keep my glasses clean for more than ten minutes?
A coat of Rain-X (available from most motor factors) helps massively. It also adds a hydrophobic coating meaning rain runs straight off them if you get caught outside in a shower.
MrWho.
That is actually a fucking genius idea! "
•
If MrWho was a bottle of vodka he would be Åbsolut Genius.
Brilliant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why, no matter how long I've looked at the menu for, do I always want what someone else has ordered?"
Oh that's easy it's cos you are female #notsexistifitstrue |
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"
Why is it impossible to start eating until I've picked something out on Netflix? "
This one though! I've sat there before getting steadily more frustrated as my food goes cold while trying to find something to watch |
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"Why is it always the tiny little one-bubble farts that smell like actual death?
Why do spiders always walk like they're late for a meeting?
Why is it impossible to start eating until I've picked something out on Netflix? "
Pmsl, you do make I laff.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why can't I keep my glasses clean for more than ten minutes?
A coat of Rain-X (available from most motor factors) helps massively. It also adds a hydrophobic coating meaning rain runs straight off them if you get caught outside in a shower.
MrWho.
That is actually a fucking genius idea!
•
If MrWho was a bottle of vodka he would be Åbsolut Genius.
Brilliant."
Na zdrowie.  |
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