FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > If you can't handle me...
If you can't handle me...
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I’m pretty grim at my worst, no one should have to be able to handle that.
I’m patient to a point but know my weaknesses and triggers, I would never test someone, I’ll spend that effort figuring how to be a better person instead |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I always took it to mean when I'm projectile losing liquids from both ends, my hair looks like it ain't seen a brush for weeks or I'm rocking in a corner blowing snot bubbles with eyes so puffy from crying they barely open.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? "
It's a throw away cliché. Analysed properly it'd only come from the mouth of someone whose aim is to manipulate/ who thrives on their own toxic behaviour/ has such low self esteem or ability to trust that they put others to the test.
My level of patience varies according to the circumstances and the people. I'm very patient but I know when not to get involved with certain personalities.
I don't think I have a 'worst' side. I run the whole gammut of emotions. Just like anyone else.
I've never killed anyone. ( and told about it  ) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hmmmm, good question. But I don’t have much tolerance for people at their worst if they let it effect me. Some call it selfish, I call it self care. 
Comes after years of being the listener. It can drag a person down!
If it’s a two way dynamic and I get the same level of support, absolutely.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have a limited amount of patience.
I can understand people's behaviour, and will accept it if they prefix with it. Like, if someone has been honest with me and told me they're dealing with whatever and they blow up or act out I'll give them some room or offer some help processing or just listening, yet I'll still remind them that their behaviour was unnecessary or out of order.
I have zero patience for people who are rude to or attack others who are simply trying to do their job. That shit gets me riled. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If you can't handle me at what you've mistakenly assumed is my worst, then prepare to be unpleasantly surprised in the near future.
To answer the question OP I would never test anyone by trying to show them me at my worst because that's a complete shitshow. I'd rather go off and work through things on my own and when I have a handle on myself again I'll be back. Why should anyone else have to deal with me being a complete arse?
I have a limited amount of patience so if I think someone is playing or is trying to test me then I tend to walk away PDQ.
I can also sympathise endlessly with someone who owns their part in the situations in which they find themselves, but I find it incredibly hard to deal with someone who won't see how they have impacted people and situations. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I always took it to mean when I'm projectile losing liquids from both ends, my hair looks like it ain't seen a brush for weeks or I'm rocking in a corner blowing snot bubbles with eyes so puffy from crying they barely open.
"
Is it wrong to get a hardon at this description?? Asking for a friend    |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If you're in a long term relationship you're going to see each other at your worst and your best and everything between.. The good times aren't a reward for 'handling ' the bad stuff if someone thinks I have to put up with shit in order for them to be nice to me they can take a long walk off a short pier |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If guys saw me at my worst, Jesus Christ I'd be alone forever.
Oh wait...
I bet you’re secretly awesome you just pretend to be grumpy, antisocial, whinging, moody, cantankerous, short fused, ill tempered and blunt!!
You know me so well  "
I can see right through you xx you don’t fool me - you’re secretly awesome, fun, stunningly attractive, super smart and just pretend to be all of the other stuff to put the knuckle draggers off - sadly won’t work as they cant read xxx  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If guys saw me at my worst, Jesus Christ I'd be alone forever.
Oh wait...
I bet you’re secretly awesome you just pretend to be grumpy, antisocial, whinging, moody, cantankerous, short fused, ill tempered and blunt!!
You know me so well I can see right through you xx you don’t fool me - you’re secretly awesome, fun, stunningly attractive, super smart and just pretend to be all of the other stuff to put the knuckle draggers off - sadly won’t work as they cant read xxx "
I retract my previous statement. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I guess it depends on what someone's 'worst' is. I think my worst is when I'm chaotic, thoughtless and forgetful. I wouldn't expect my lovers, friends or family to 'handle' that without any complaint. I'll strive to be my best with them as they still deserve that.
But if someone's worst is really shitty, I wouldn't want to see their best either. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I wouldn’t test anyone no, but I think it’s more about someone understanding that we’re all multi faceted.
Everyone has a variety of moods dependent on what’s going on in their life at the time.
I’m generally a positive, high energy type of person. But we all have low/off days (bloody hormones)
If someone can’t accept me when I’m not feeling positive & bouncy then they can do one. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If guys saw me at my worst, Jesus Christ I'd be alone forever.
Oh wait...
I bet you’re secretly awesome you just pretend to be grumpy, antisocial, whinging, moody, cantankerous, short fused, ill tempered and blunt!!
You know me so well I can see right through you xx you don’t fool me - you’re secretly awesome, fun, stunningly attractive, super smart and just pretend to be all of the other stuff to put the knuckle draggers off - sadly won’t work as they cant read xxx
I retract my previous statement. "
More research required |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lfacatMan
over a year ago
Cumbria |
"I always took it to mean when I'm projectile losing liquids from both ends, my hair looks like it ain't seen a brush for weeks or I'm rocking in a corner blowing snot bubbles with eyes so puffy from crying they barely open.
"
Ah, you mean Mondays…!
X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? "
Life's too short for all that drama. Why would you be your worst around people or towards people and expect them to hang around waiting for a crumb of decency. Nope. Don't get it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I push every one away at my worst im not even sure i know im doing it until the regrets hit after "
I do this too. More spikes than a hedgehog at times. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The sentiment behind it? I agree with. We all have off days and deserve affection equal to our good days.
But the particular wording of it is a bit of a red flag. It's aggressively preemptive, almost to the point of pride in one's own bad behaviour. Just doesn't sound like the healthiest self-perception.
My third personality tends to overthink though, can I interest you in a dong joke instead?
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? "
Depends on what worst is and how much of the 'best' someone has shown you.
I have patience for someone who has issues and is working on them as long as they're honest and respectful of me.
I have no patience for bullshit or outright toxicity. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? "
I'm going to change this Meli to ....... Friends stick by each other through the good and the bad.
If it means that im okay with it.
Worded the way it is using 'judgements' like 'deserve' ..... it gives off a totally different vibe. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
AND ....... if it can be simplified to 'fairweather friends' who are only there through the good times.. then i'm okay with it meaning that.
It'd be a tad arrogant to tell someone they don't deserve you because they couldn't handle your shit.
We are all human after all ...... some people just CAN'T handle other people's shit more than they have to. Doesn't make them evil. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? "
Would you put up with a demanding selfish entitled person? I have my self respect and treat others how I expect to be treated.
If a woman expects me to put up with her bad behaviour is a recording flag. It shows they have no respect and have no consideration for anyone but themselves.
I would immediately walk away. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst?
I'm going to change this Meli to ....... Friends stick by each other through the good and the bad.
If it means that im okay with it.
Worded the way it is using 'judgements' like 'deserve' ..... it gives off a totally different vibe. "
Hello Crumpster.
I deliberately left it vague, gave no indications as to my feelings on the expression because I was curious as to how folk would respond; the assumption being that their bias would colour their responses (no shit Sherlock).
A rather interesting aside - I've had friends ask if I'm okay, check in with me etc.
Deserve is very much a particular vibe isn't it?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst?
I'm going to change this Meli to ....... Friends stick by each other through the good and the bad.
If it means that im okay with it.
Worded the way it is using 'judgements' like 'deserve' ..... it gives off a totally different vibe.
Hello Crumpster.
I deliberately left it vague, gave no indications as to my feelings on the expression because I was curious as to how folk would respond; the assumption being that their bias would colour their responses (no shit Sherlock).
A rather interesting aside - I've had friends ask if I'm okay, check in with me etc.
Deserve is very much a particular vibe isn't it?
"
I just got a gooey that you used Crumpster |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Having handled you in some of the above scenarios op I think it takes a lot of commitment and dedication to a friendship/relationship but yes, I agree with the sentiments 100%."
Aherm. Above scenarios. Aherm.
Actually, to be fair you've been there for me through some pretty dark times, maybe not murder... (et vice versa) and I do love and value you a lot. Dedication and commitment is true - but equally if people don't want to/can't be for whatever reason, can you hold that against them?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst?
I'm going to change this Meli to ....... Friends stick by each other through the good and the bad.
If it means that im okay with it.
Worded the way it is using 'judgements' like 'deserve' ..... it gives off a totally different vibe.
Hello Crumpster.
I deliberately left it vague, gave no indications as to my feelings on the expression because I was curious as to how folk would respond; the assumption being that their bias would colour their responses (no shit Sherlock).
A rather interesting aside - I've had friends ask if I'm okay, check in with me etc.
Deserve is very much a particular vibe isn't it?
"
Hello Mempster!
Twas clear to me you were giving rein ..... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst?
I'm going to change this Meli to ....... Friends stick by each other through the good and the bad.
If it means that im okay with it.
Worded the way it is using 'judgements' like 'deserve' ..... it gives off a totally different vibe.
Hello Crumpster.
I deliberately left it vague, gave no indications as to my feelings on the expression because I was curious as to how folk would respond; the assumption being that their bias would colour their responses (no shit Sherlock).
A rather interesting aside - I've had friends ask if I'm okay, check in with me etc.
Deserve is very much a particular vibe isn't it?
I just got a gooey that you used Crumpster "
It's stolen fruit ! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I have a limited amount of patience.
I can understand people's behaviour, and will accept it if they prefix with it. Like, if someone has been honest with me and told me they're dealing with whatever and they blow up or act out I'll give them some room or offer some help processing or just listening, yet I'll still remind them that their behaviour was unnecessary or out of order.
I have zero patience for people who are rude to or attack others who are simply trying to do their job. That shit gets me riled."
Yes; giving that space is important. We're all human, we all have days where we're not sparkly rays of sunshine. Sometimes saying here, I'm listening is enough and the person will realise their behaviour has been twunty.
I get irked by people weaponising their negative emotions. I'm not talking about occasionally, you know you've had a crap day and then someone says something and you respond "oh do fuck off". Fair enough. That happens. I mean deliberate shitty bollocks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst?
It's a throw away cliché. Analysed properly it'd only come from the mouth of someone whose aim is to manipulate/ who thrives on their own toxic behaviour/ has such low self esteem or ability to trust that they put others to the test.
My level of patience varies according to the circumstances and the people. I'm very patient but I know when not to get involved with certain personalities.
I don't think I have a 'worst' side. I run the whole gammut of emotions. Just like anyone else.
I've never killed anyone. ( and told about it )"
My patience is quite low and tolerance even lower but likewise, it depends who that person testing either or both is. I think some are oblivious they test peoples patience or the likely outcome of pushing buttons.
I don’t much care for those who test knowing full well what they are doing. I’m with Granny, I distance myself from specific people |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Having handled you in some of the above scenarios op I think it takes a lot of commitment and dedication to a friendship/relationship but yes, I agree with the sentiments 100%.
Aherm. Above scenarios. Aherm.
Actually, to be fair you've been there for me through some pretty dark times, maybe not murder... (et vice versa) and I do love and value you a lot. Dedication and commitment is true - but equally if people don't want to/can't be for whatever reason, can you hold that against them?
"
There's a lady I know who's been asking for help with her abusive husband for 2 years. At the beginning I had plenty of time and willingness to help, but as time went on and no positive steps were being made I really began to struggle to maintain the friendship. I openly admit that it was sucking me dry. Having been there myself I wanted to offer support and I did for a while, but it was just soooooo fucking triggering and I felt so unbelievably helpless and useless. She would often drink herself into oblivion and I don't deal with d*unk people very well, again, d*unk people can be very triggering for me.
I had to step away. Did it make me feel awful and a shit friend for doing so? Of course, but it was damaging me more than it was helping her.
We've recently got back in touch as she's taken what steps she can over the last few months to salvage her life. I'm incredibly proud of her. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst?
I'm going to change this Meli to ....... Friends stick by each other through the good and the bad.
If it means that im okay with it.
Worded the way it is using 'judgements' like 'deserve' ..... it gives off a totally different vibe.
Hello Crumpster.
I deliberately left it vague, gave no indications as to my feelings on the expression because I was curious as to how folk would respond; the assumption being that their bias would colour their responses (no shit Sherlock).
A rather interesting aside - I've had friends ask if I'm okay, check in with me etc.
Deserve is very much a particular vibe isn't it?
Hello Mempster!
Twas clear to me you were giving rein ..... "
Oh Mempster makes me sound like a demon a la Mephistopheles! Here for it. Mempster. I should be wearing sunglasses and smoking 40 a day, trading incredible sexual experiences for their soul, written in the fluid of their sexual desires.
I've clearly been working and feeling my creative juices. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"what if the sexual desire is anal and you are writing in arse juice ?"
Anal isn't a sexual desire, it's an abomination reserved to torment those in the second circle of Hell in the afterlife. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst?
I'm going to change this Meli to ....... Friends stick by each other through the good and the bad.
If it means that im okay with it.
Worded the way it is using 'judgements' like 'deserve' ..... it gives off a totally different vibe. "
Well that's entirely different. Being a friend or helping those in need is a very different sentiment. I don't see someone having tough times as someone being their worst. That's just life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hmm I don't believe in quotes like that in all honesty.
To me it seems a bit like a get out of jail free card. It doesn't matter if I've done this terrible thing because 90% I'm amazing. Sounds a bit domestic abusive to me but that is my trauma speaking.
Nobody is perfect, we all have our triggers. But we can't keep repeating the same behaviour patterns and expecting the outcomes to change. So in some respects I have limited patience. I tell someone if their behaviour upsets me, and if they keep repeating it then I switch off from them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I guess it depends on what someone's 'worst' is. I think my worst is when I'm chaotic, thoughtless and forgetful. I wouldn't expect my lovers, friends or family to 'handle' that without any complaint. I'll strive to be my best with them as they still deserve that.
But if someone's worst is really shitty, I wouldn't want to see their best either. "
I agree with that sentiment, although I’ve had someone be shitty with me without good reason and there’s only so much I can take of that before having to remove them from your life for sake of mental health |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hmm I don't believe in quotes like that in all honesty.
To me it seems a bit like a get out of jail free card. It doesn't matter if I've done this terrible thing because 90% I'm amazing. Sounds a bit domestic abusive to me but that is my trauma speaking.
Nobody is perfect, we all have our triggers. But we can't keep repeating the same behaviour patterns and expecting the outcomes to change. So in some respects I have limited patience. I tell someone if their behaviour upsets me, and if they keep repeating it then I switch off from them.
"
I'm with you with this.
Though the sentiments behind the saying can be a good guide to knowing who's got your back and who's there just for the good times.
I've found it used by the toxic to justify their bad behaviour.
I'd not personally test someone, as that can result in losers all round.
Be true, be real, be expressive, be you.
No games, unless it's naughty play in the bedroom.
Oh I bet that last sentence had some cringing |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
When I'm at my worst, I'm really not a great person. Nobody deserves that, and I'm not sure me at my best rectifies that. So to be honest I'm just thankful, that those who get my worst believe that I'm worth sticking around for when I'm at my best |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? "
I would handle you any way you wanted |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If your worst is you being angry, aggressive, abusive, violent...I do not care what your best is. At my worst I will still treat you with respect and decency or at least excuse myself and choose to be by myself for a while. If you can't do the same than please kindly f*** off...thank you! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Its the sort of line you see coming out of women that give it "fuck everyone i only need my kids from now on" which roughly translates into "my mum wont babysit hayden jayden and okayden again so i can get my shitter split for a gram and half a bottle of vodka" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If your worst is you being angry, aggressive, abusive, violent...I do not care what your best is. At my worst I will still treat you with respect and decency or at least excuse myself and choose to be by myself for a while. If you can't do the same than please kindly f*** off...thank you!"
Totally agree life too short to tolerate stroppy people |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think to an extent yes. It’s unfair if you’re in a relationship with someone and they want all the good times, but fuck off leaving no support at bad times.
However, every time I’ve seen phrases like that - usually on Facebook - they’ve been posted by someone that I know is manipulative.
And what they mean by that is “I should be able to be as horrid and nasty as I like to you and you should take it because I’m only important one” and that’s not remotely the same thing.
J |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If your worst is you being angry, aggressive, abusive, violent...I do not care what your best is. At my worst I will still treat you with respect and decency or at least excuse myself and choose to be by myself for a while. If you can't do the same than please kindly f*** off...thank you!
Totally agree life too short to tolerate stroppy people "
Absolutely this. I've had partners who will say something similar to OP but then their worst is abusive and violent. I don't have time for that. I've tried to 'fix' too many people in relationships before and it never works. A narc, overt or covert, will never change. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I often find myself being flippant, insensitive and lacking in empathy.
When I fall short in my behaviour to others I mull it over for a long time and try to put systems in place to stop me failing again.
Of course I do fail more than I would like.
I enjoy having good friends around who point out that I am being an arse.
Unfortunately I have broad shoulders  so I am happy to take criticism.
I am always grateful to people I meet who stay friendly even when sometimes they could just tell me to F off |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think to an extent yes. It’s unfair if you’re in a relationship with someone and they want all the good times, but fuck off leaving no support at bad times.
However, every time I’ve seen phrases like that - usually on Facebook - they’ve been posted by someone that I know is manipulative.
And what they mean by that is “I should be able to be as horrid and nasty as I like to you and you should take it because I’m only important one” and that’s not remotely the same thing.
J"
I agree with this entirely. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? "
I've come to realise that when people quote this then it's normally a big red flag to stay well away. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Shitty quotes like this put me off people
"it's just me and my kids from now on"
"new year, new me"
"live love laugh"
All cringe "
"Living my best Life!" on FB.
Then you see them in Aldi screaming like a banshee at the weans.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Shitty quotes like this put me off people
"it's just me and my kids from now on"
"new year, new me"
"live love laugh"
All cringe
"Living my best Life!" on FB.
Then you see them in Aldi screaming like a banshee at the weans.
"
Oh thats good |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago
always in the kitchen at parties |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? "
I (The Boy) am very lucky I have my Kitty. Sometimes I can really let things get me and over think my interactions which really sucks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
""do what you want, you always do"
"sick of trying to please everyone"
Although these ones may be exclusive to me only "
Getting divorced stops that trust me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've never really liked that quote, as most people I know who would say that that are self-entitled wankpots who think they can somehow justify their shitty behaviour and make others feel guilty if they don't sit back and accept it.
I want people who love me to be able to support and tolerate me on my bad days, but I don't ever expect anyone to put up with my shit if I'm acting unreasonable and making them feel awful.
I'm a pretty easy going and patient person, so luckily my worst is usually just depression, quietness and sadness. I've never been one to get angry or lash out at others.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I am always at my best, if not, then I will hide away until I am back to functioning normally. People have their own shit to deal with, they don’t need mine. And if I’m not making an effort in both my appearance and attitude when I am meeting them, then I don’t deserve to meet them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
""do what you want, you always do"
"sick of trying to please everyone"
Although these ones may be exclusive to me only
Getting divorced stops that trust me "
My missus is still married so I whole heartedly endorse this message |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's a bit of a narcissistic saying imo. What's someone's worst vs their best until you get to know them properly?
Can be bothered with someone who's sweet till they turn into a psycho kina thing if you get my drift. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iren!Woman
over a year ago
leeds |
"at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
How much truth is there to this?
Do you have much patience with people? Are you one to test people to see if they can handle you at your worst? "
Judgement and media Vs reality |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Everyone’s responsible for their own behavior and shouldn’t expect anyone to tolerate a shitty attitude.
If however it’s meant as situational statement as in someone’s going through some awful life situations then I fully agree with the statement from a support stance. Hopefully this makes sense |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Yea it’s a pretty nonsensical cliché isn’t it?
Me at my worst I wouldn’t inflict on anyone if possible, I’m fairly patient and understanding myself having been through crap myself BUT I am nobody’s mug either.
Sometimes we all need to be left alone to gather ourselves and to be able to behave as one should in company. Nobody can be “on” all the time.
My ex used to follow me when he had pissed me off I’m talking arms length close and then wonder why that pissed me off more! I needed space to calm down. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Depends on what "worst" means here. Being down and depressed? Sure. That's an important part of a relationship - being on one's side during difficult time. Getting angry once in awhile? That's fine too. But being abusive or just being a plain asshole? Nah. No one is obligated to go through that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Depends on what "worst" means here. Being down and depressed? Sure. That's an important part of a relationship - being on one's side during difficult time. Getting angry once in awhile? That's fine too. But being abusive or just being a plain asshole? Nah. No one is obligated to go through that."
I agree |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Worst what though?
Emotional low?
Anger high?
Stroppy cow period?
Teeth hitting the helmet 'cos I'm tired?
"
Fuck knows Nanna. Fuck knows. Up there with "I tell it like it is" people. There's a difference between being direct/blunt and just being a twonk.
I've never heard the expression teeth hitting the helmet before. Learned something new. Thank you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I always took it to mean when I'm projectile losing liquids from both ends, my hair looks like it ain't seen a brush for weeks or I'm rocking in a corner blowing snot bubbles with eyes so puffy from crying they barely open.
"
Sorry is that your best or worst. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"Having handled you in some of the above scenarios op I think it takes a lot of commitment and dedication to a friendship/relationship but yes, I agree with the sentiments 100%.
Aherm. Above scenarios. Aherm.
Actually, to be fair you've been there for me through some pretty dark times, maybe not murder... (et vice versa) and I do love and value you a lot. Dedication and commitment is true - but equally if people don't want to/can't be for whatever reason, can you hold that against them?
There's a lady I know who's been asking for help with her abusive husband for 2 years. At the beginning I had plenty of time and willingness to help, but as time went on and no positive steps were being made I really began to struggle to maintain the friendship. I openly admit that it was sucking me dry. Having been there myself I wanted to offer support and I did for a while, but it was just soooooo fucking triggering and I felt so unbelievably helpless and useless. She would often drink herself into oblivion and I don't deal with d*unk people very well, again, d*unk people can be very triggering for me.
I had to step away. Did it make me feel awful and a shit friend for doing so? Of course, but it was damaging me more than it was helping her.
We've recently got back in touch as she's taken what steps she can over the last few months to salvage her life. I'm incredibly proud of her."
Been there myself and these people don't want help and won't change and suck you dry mentally financially emotionally.
Mo more |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To an extent yes but people can sometimes abuse this power which isn't right. It's natural the people we love most will see us at our absolute worst and mostly it's understandable. But as caring and understanding as I can be, if someone's worst is detrimental to me on a regular basis, I don't want them at their best. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
For me it depends who that person is, how invested I am in them.
Kids and my family then yes...I'm there for them as they are for me during good times and bad. But, that doesn't give any of us carte blanche to just be a dick.
If someone is just being a dick then it's a different story altogether.
In sickness and health...been there. For me that's something you stick around for till the end.
People continually throwing tantrums...I ain't got the time or energy for that.
I don't deliberately test people ams I don't expect to be tested in return.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
Deliberate testing of people I see as manipulate behaviour and mind game like
I don’t expect people to ‘handle me’ either at my best or worst I like to think those I consider important consider me important too, those who take the time to understand my mood and communicate with me to discover what may be wrong, those who care enough for my well-being as I do there’s.
When it comes to acquaintances or work colleagues my tolerance for these people can be slim. Although I can be civil I find I have a limit for some people who I don’t necessarily gel with on the flip side I have an unwavering loyalty to others it’s very person/relationship dependant for me x
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This shows me the lack of loyalty in this country is worse than the damn pandemic can you expand on this ?"
looks like a lot of people seem willing to throw people away or under the bus for no other reason than self preservation and easier lives not willing to work together to make things right im pretty sure if brits back in the 30s had this attitude we would all be speaking german and il not be debating that opinion il not be changing it
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *AFKA HovisMan
over a year ago
Sindon Swingdon Swindon |
"This shows me the lack of loyalty in this country is worse than the damn pandemic can you expand on this ?looks like a lot of people seem willing to throw people away or under the bus for no other reason than self preservation and easier lives not willing to work together to make things right im pretty sure if brits back in the 30s had this attitude we would all be speaking german and il not be debating that opinion il not be changing it"
If we couldn't handle Hitler at his worse, we didn't deserve him at his best.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"If you repeatedly make people endure your worst, you are a bit of a cun....
Wait I just got back here so I'm going to keep my words PG"
Nah you're fine; it's not a reflection of me or how I feel. You're a definite twunt if you do that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's just a shitty to get people to tolerate your bad behaviour..."
There would definitely be those who choose to interpret it this way and abuse a relationship.
But I think, if well intentioned, it's having your partner's back through thick & thin and all the things in life that trip us up.
Then reaping all the rewards of the good, better, best, phenomenal days |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you're in a long term relationship you're going to see each other at your worst and your best and everything between.. The good times aren't a reward for 'handling ' the bad stuff if someone thinks I have to put up with shit in order for them to be nice to me they can take a long walk off a short pier"
Also very true |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago
always in the kitchen at parties |
"This shows me the lack of loyalty in this country is worse than the damn pandemic can you expand on this ?looks like a lot of people seem willing to throw people away or under the bus for no other reason than self preservation and easier lives not willing to work together to make things right im pretty sure if brits back in the 30s had this attitude we would all be speaking german and il not be debating that opinion il not be changing itIf we couldn't handle Hitler at his worse, we didn't deserve him at his best.
"
 are you saying we should just grin and bare an abusive partner? (Not you Hovis) the other guy! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"This shows me the lack of loyalty in this country is worse than the damn pandemic can you expand on this ?looks like a lot of people seem willing to throw people away or under the bus for no other reason than self preservation and easier lives not willing to work together to make things right im pretty sure if brits back in the 30s had this attitude we would all be speaking german and il not be debating that opinion il not be changing itIf we couldn't handle Hitler at his worse, we didn't deserve him at his best.
are you saying we should just grin and bare an abusive partner? (Not you Hovis) the other guy! "
I'm so happy a thread of mine managed to contain Hitler at some point.
Anyways, I think it's more about the disposable nature we treat people nowadays. If we're unhappy, we get rid rather than work through, accept people are well people. That's not everyone, can't be arsed doing all the caveating. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If your worst is you being angry, aggressive, abusive, violent...I do not care what your best is. At my worst I will still treat you with respect and decency or at least excuse myself and choose to be by myself for a while. If you can't do the same than please kindly f*** off...thank you!"
This |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *AFKA HovisMan
over a year ago
Sindon Swingdon Swindon |
"This shows me the lack of loyalty in this country is worse than the damn pandemic can you expand on this ?looks like a lot of people seem willing to throw people away or under the bus for no other reason than self preservation and easier lives not willing to work together to make things right im pretty sure if brits back in the 30s had this attitude we would all be speaking german and il not be debating that opinion il not be changing itIf we couldn't handle Hitler at his worse, we didn't deserve him at his best.
are you saying we should just grin and bare an abusive partner? (Not you Hovis) the other guy!
I'm so happy a thread of mine managed to contain Hitler at some point.
Anyways, I think it's more about the disposable nature we treat people nowadays. If we're unhappy, we get rid rather than work through, accept people are well people. That's not everyone, can't be arsed doing all the caveating."
it's how we define some of the words here. Supporting someone through their worst times is an admirable trait. Expecting someone to put up with bad behaviour is toxic. I read it more like the latter. "At" feels like behaviour. If it was situation I'd be more inclined to say "during" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"This shows me the lack of loyalty in this country is worse than the damn pandemic can you expand on this ?looks like a lot of people seem willing to throw people away or under the bus for no other reason than self preservation and easier lives not willing to work together to make things right im pretty sure if brits back in the 30s had this attitude we would all be speaking german and il not be debating that opinion il not be changing itIf we couldn't handle Hitler at his worse, we didn't deserve him at his best.
are you saying we should just grin and bare an abusive partner? (Not you Hovis) the other guy!
I'm so happy a thread of mine managed to contain Hitler at some point.
Anyways, I think it's more about the disposable nature we treat people nowadays. If we're unhappy, we get rid rather than work through, accept people are well people. That's not everyone, can't be arsed doing all the caveating.it's how we define some of the words here. Supporting someone through their worst times is an admirable trait. Expecting someone to put up with bad behaviour is toxic. I read it more like the latter. "At" feels like behaviour. If it was situation I'd be more inclined to say "during" "
Ah I was responding directly to the poster talking about the halcyon days rather than the OP.
Yes; I'd agree that there's a definite intention with the rather deliberate wording - admittedly words are subjective but I think there's enough of a shared consciousness to agree that "at" is more leaning towards a person having to put up with another's crap behaviour.
I think in general more consideration for another's behaviour and your own wouldn't go amiss - rather than placing the blame at another's feet and expecting someone to take you as you are (even if that's a colossal twat), having some self awareness and acceptance is a very good thing. Should be encouraged. Rather than the reliance on attributed soundbites that are better suited to the "huns" of the world's Facebook.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
For me my worst is in my sick bed, full of the chills, puffy eyes, snotty nose or alike hungover face or illness.
As in behaviour, temper, words that may come out of my mouth in anger, nope no one sees that. I take myself away from people and definitely wouldn’t use it as a tool to test someone, seems like game play which I don’t do. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oonloverWoman
over a year ago
bognor regis |
"When I'm at my worst, I'm really not a great person. Nobody deserves that, and I'm not sure me at my best rectifies that. So to be honest I'm just thankful, that those who get my worst believe that I'm worth sticking around for when I'm at my best"
This 100%  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This shows me the lack of loyalty in this country is worse than the damn pandemic can you expand on this ?looks like a lot of people seem willing to throw people away or under the bus for no other reason than self preservation and easier lives not willing to work together to make things right im pretty sure if brits back in the 30s had this attitude we would all be speaking german and il not be debating that opinion il not be changing it"
Not really, it says to me that a lot more people wouldn't put up with an abusive and manipulative partner. They seemed to do that a lot more in the 30s but more people have rightly said 'f-that' these days.
People who use "their best" as leverage over how they act at their worst are just abusive a$$holes. Simple.
(I'm not talking about people who are ill here. That's not you at your worst, that's just you being ill and rightly someone who doesn't take care of you when you are ill doesn't deserve your best. Being ill is not being your worst. Being your worst is when you're acting like a c**t). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
See, I took the saying to mean when someone is at a low ebb, not being an abusive twat.
Having grown up with abusive parents and being dismissed with "well, it wasn't always bad!" when attempting to discuss it, I can say with 100% certainty that self-preservation trumps (misplaced) loyalty every time.
Also, knowingly testing people is the sort of head-fuckery that will ruin your relationships. Being on the receiving end of mind games of an emotionally manipulative step-parent has cost me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"This thread is a perfect example of how words are interpreted differently by different folks. We choose to see what we want to see. "
Yep. Language is clearly subjective and evokes different responses in different people based on their own life experiences. Not surprising really is it? I deliberately avoided giving my views on the subject matter in the OP so people could read into it without a bias being present from me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This thread is a perfect example of how words are interpreted differently by different folks. We choose to see what we want to see.
Yep. Language is clearly subjective and evokes different responses in different people based on their own life experiences. Not surprising really is it? I deliberately avoided giving my views on the subject matter in the OP so people could read into it without a bias being present from me."
Imagining one of those gcse English comprehension papers... "In approximately 250 words explore _elis use of the words worst and best in the context of...." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *AFKA HovisMan
over a year ago
Sindon Swingdon Swindon |
"This thread is a perfect example of how words are interpreted differently by different folks. We choose to see what we want to see.
Yep. Language is clearly subjective and evokes different responses in different people based on their own life experiences. Not surprising really is it? I deliberately avoided giving my views on the subject matter in the OP so people could read into it without a bias being present from me.
Imagining one of those gcse English comprehension papers... "In approximately 250 words explore _elis use of the words worst and best in the context of...." "
is the a level version deal / deserve ? That's the real nunace ... Psychology will be "what can you tell about ppl by how they interpret the statement" and sociology will be "what groups of people use this quote on their insya/dating".... And history will be 'is their any evidence Marilyn actually said this" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This thread is a perfect example of how words are interpreted differently by different folks. We choose to see what we want to see.
Yep. Language is clearly subjective and evokes different responses in different people based on their own life experiences. Not surprising really is it? I deliberately avoided giving my views on the subject matter in the OP so people could read into it without a bias being present from me.
Imagining one of those gcse English comprehension papers... "In approximately 250 words explore _elis use of the words worst and best in the context of...." is the a level version deal / deserve ? That's the real nunace ... Psychology will be "what can you tell about ppl by how they interpret the statement" and sociology will be "what groups of people use this quote on their insya/dating".... And history will be 'is their any evidence Marilyn actually said this""
Like it.
And philosophy or law? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"philosophy: If no-one is there to deal with me at my worst, am I really bad ?
Law: if someone deals with my at my worst, am I contractually obliged to give them my best?
"
Very good Hovis, very good.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"philosophy: If no-one is there to deal with me at my worst, am I really bad ?
Law: if someone deals with my at my worst, am I contractually obliged to give them my best?
"
Liking your work. OK then... Politics and computer studies... And drama! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
