FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you still get excited?
Do you still get excited?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When you find someone where it's looking like a meet/social?
I hadn't for a long time, jaded from so many disappointments. But... Went through the process with someone new recently. Chatted. Video called. Texted for a few days. Finally started feeling that flutter of "oh, a potential fwb" again.
Which was dumb because I'm currently being ghosted.
Again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rah I wasn’t prepared for the end of that.
Lots of love 
But yeah this is relatable. I hate meeting someone for the first time. Last time I got all the butterflies and shit she turned out to be a wasteman who dumped me anyway so… |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Rah I wasn’t prepared for the end of that.
Lots of love
But yeah this is relatable. I hate meeting someone for the first time. Last time I got all the butterflies and shit she turned out to be a wasteman who dumped me anyway so…"
She's a fucking idiot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disclaimer: this isn't just applicable to here. This is just life as a single person now  "
Their loss sweetheart. Hope you find mr right and not mr right now
Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Rah I wasn’t prepared for the end of that.
Lots of love
But yeah this is relatable. I hate meeting someone for the first time. Last time I got all the butterflies and shit she turned out to be a wasteman who dumped me anyway so…
She's a fucking idiot"
Major dickhead fr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't any more
Even on dating sites feels like men only want one thing and the women I attract are a little bit high maintenance so I'm just floating through life pretending to be a happy single person  |
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I haven't had that feeling for a while now from any online meet ups, covid instant gratification hunters have really put me off. So this year seems to be mainly face to face connections, which is helpful down to the amount of socials I attend |
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By *ANDA!Man
over a year ago
DUMFRIES |
Kinda the same but not. Met someone just looking for a hookup on Tdr, fucked once and it was grand. Then she joined here, fucked again and it was grander. Was talks of turning it into something regular. Next thing I know she's hid her profile, reads messages but never replied. Eventually she says she's got the feels for someone and it's looking good. Was the best shag I'd had in ages. Nevermind |
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Sorry to hear that, OP.
I do still get excited, and think you're right to, too. Would be a bit of a shame if we didn't feel any kind of anticipation when meeting someone new, wouldn't it? If I didn't, I'd worry I didn't actually like them enough to meet anyway, if that makes sense...
(But equally have known a few ghosts in my time so my judgement is far from impeccable!) |
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"When you find someone where it's looking like a meet/social?
I hadn't for a long time, jaded from so many disappointments. But... Went through the process with someone new recently. Chatted. Video called. Texted for a few days. Finally started feeling that flutter of "oh, a potential fwb" again.
Which was dumb because I'm currently being ghosted.
Again. "
Yes we do. We always get that before a first meet. |
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I don't know if its an age issue OP but you're going to encounter more immature men....I rarely meet these days, but prior to this I was always very careful re messaging and planned socials/meets and thankfully, never had a no show! Conversations had to feel natural!
As for excitement prior to meets!Have had many an erect and tight, painful bollocks situation  esp if messaging whilst at work |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disclaimer: this isn't just applicable to here. This is just life as a single person now "
This.
I’m sorry you ended up like this. I am also at that point where I wonder if it’s worth to even put oneself out there just to get deception after deception 
Even if you meet a person that feels worthwhile, all the bad experiences and the fear of ending up the same way again gets overwhelming |
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By *eisty LadyWoman
over a year ago
Count Your Blessings Cottage, Gratitude Grove |
I don’t meet anyone now that I haven’t already met before.
I now only date men I meet in the real world, too many fantasists online, con artists, fake profiles, liars and cheats
At least if you meet someone on a bar, shop, cafe or whatever you have a better idea of what they look like
- not the fantasy version they have in their head of themselves that they create a profile for - taller, slimmer, lies about their values, beliefs, morals etc |
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"When you find someone where it's looking like a meet/social?
I hadn't for a long time, jaded from so many disappointments. But... Went through the process with someone new recently. Chatted. Video called. Texted for a few days. Finally started feeling that flutter of "oh, a potential fwb" again.
Which was dumb because I'm currently being ghosted.
Again. "
Op I sympathise with your disappointment and sure its his loss you look beautiful....I’ve been single a while now and come to the conclusion I’m happy being single, I’ve a beautiful fwb and shes probably the first women I’ve felt relaxed around and able to be myself with for such a long time and it works brilliantly for both of us....you will find that person that won't take you for granted and appreciate being in your presents,
Please don’t beat yourself up about it
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you find someone where it's looking like a meet/social?
I hadn't for a long time, jaded from so many disappointments. But... Went through the process with someone new recently. Chatted. Video called. Texted for a few days. Finally started feeling that flutter of "oh, a potential fwb" again.
Which was dumb because I'm currently being ghosted.
Again. "
Sadly no. My expectations of people are so low on fab thanks to being let down far too many times in here.
It’s very very unusual to get a vibe off a woman you speak to on fab where you think they might be into me as much as I am into them. So I just assume they’re not.
I now just take the hint and let people get on with what or who they’d rather be doing.
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Don’t expect anything until your in front of someone physically
The internet has given us the ability to ghost
Apps and sites like this have given us unlimited opportunities, so ghosting is even easier
And also, don’t take ghosting personally. I tried to stop ghosting people, but the abuse, the “why not” or “what did I do” you sometimes get, it’s just easier to ghost. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don’t expect anything until your in front of someone physically
The internet has given us the ability to ghost
Apps and sites like this have given us unlimited opportunities, so ghosting is even easier
And also, don’t take ghosting personally. I tried to stop ghosting people, but the abuse, the “why not” or “what did I do” you sometimes get, it’s just easier to ghost. "
I'm more likely to ask those questions if I get ghosted than if someone just tells me they've changed their mind.
I don't even get how ghosting is a thing tbh. It's so hard on my - and I'm assuming others but can't speak for anyone else - mental health. And yes I take breaks, and I try to take everything with a pinch of salt. But then I come back and it's the same shit over and over. And don't tell me I'm going for the wrong type of guy because it's literally EVERY type of guy that does this. That's why I became so apathetic in the first place; I now see everyone through a lens of "they're not worth putting my time into because they're just gonna ghost or lie anyway". But then what am I meant to do, just avoid trying to meet people online forever? Because meeting people who still want to talk and approach you in the real world is nigh on impossible compared to 10 years ago. And guess what. They still ghost too.
Time to get a cat. |
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Hi op. I used to get that - at one point about 70% of my planned meets didn’t happen.
Then I completely changed my mo. I chat to people just enough to see if I think there’s a mutual connection (no sex talk) and arrange a coffee - then we have the coffee. If all goes well - that’s when the more ‘adult’ talk starts - when he’s shown up and we know there’s a mutual attraction. It’s also always a mixture of social and sex when we meet up - never just sex.
I find it sorts the wheat from the chaf and these days I’m rarely let down.
Hope this helps lovely - it’s a crap feeling when you get let down after feeling you’ve put so much into it.
Sending hugs. Xx |
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"When you find someone where it's looking like a meet/social?
I hadn't for a long time, jaded from so many disappointments. But... Went through the process with someone new recently. Chatted. Video called. Texted for a few days. Finally started feeling that flutter of "oh, a potential fwb" again.
Which was dumb because I'm currently being ghosted.
Again. "
i do get excited with the build 
But a you say usually a flop and disappointed in the end
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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago
Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston |
We enjoy meeting new people. It’s easier for a couple, as if we arrange a social and have a no show. We can still have a good time together having a coffee or a drink. We’ve been lucky as we’ve not really been let down recently.
OP - sorry you’ve had this experience. I’m not sure what they get out of it, those that do the ghosting.
Red |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
That’s a bummer. But don’t get disheartened, onwards and upwards!
Me? Not so much for a meet/social as I don’t meet now, but just finding someone who makes me chuckle and I click with in messages. It’s like really, really rare. |
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"…When you find someone where it's looking like a meet/social?…."
First step is finding someone that replies to a message.
Second step is an indication that they actually want to meet.
Third step is the excitement and anticipation when you agree a time and place to meet (yes, it would definitely still be there).
Fourth step is sadly the disappointment and frustration when they stop messaging and of course, fail to turn up.
Yet we remember it used to be different and try again with someone new… and repeat. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi op. I used to get that - at one point about 70% of my planned meets didn’t happen.
Then I completely changed my mo. I chat to people just enough to see if I think there’s a mutual connection (no sex talk) and arrange a coffee - then we have the coffee. If all goes well - that’s when the more ‘adult’ talk starts - when he’s shown up and we know there’s a mutual attraction. It’s also always a mixture of social and sex when we meet up - never just sex.
I find it sorts the wheat from the chaf and these days I’m rarely let down.
Hope this helps lovely - it’s a crap feeling when you get let down after feeling you’ve put so much into it.
Sending hugs. Xx"
Thanks but this is literally what I try to do already |
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"Don’t expect anything until your in front of someone physically
The internet has given us the ability to ghost
Apps and sites like this have given us unlimited opportunities, so ghosting is even easier
And also, don’t take ghosting personally. I tried to stop ghosting people, but the abuse, the “why not” or “what did I do” you sometimes get, it’s just easier to ghost.
I'm more likely to ask those questions if I get ghosted than if someone just tells me they've changed their mind.
I don't even get how ghosting is a thing tbh. It's so hard on my - and I'm assuming others but can't speak for anyone else - mental health. And yes I take breaks, and I try to take everything with a pinch of salt. But then I come back and it's the same shit over and over. And don't tell me I'm going for the wrong type of guy because it's literally EVERY type of guy that does this. That's why I became so apathetic in the first place; I now see everyone through a lens of "they're not worth putting my time into because they're just gonna ghost or lie anyway". But then what am I meant to do, just avoid trying to meet people online forever? Because meeting people who still want to talk and approach you in the real world is nigh on impossible compared to 10 years ago. And guess what. They still ghost too.
Time to get a cat. "
Yeah it’s tough out there, but remember we’re all going through it. I’ve been ghosted so many times I can’t count. Doesn’t bother me though.
No reply is a reply
Ghosting is a reply too
If I got upset every time I got ghosted I’d never get anywhere. That’s not to say I don’t get upset, or that you shouldn’t, but the goal is not to let it get to you
Ultimately, ghosting just means “not my type”. It’s part of dating these days |
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"Hi op. I used to get that - at one point about 70% of my planned meets didn’t happen.
Then I completely changed my mo. I chat to people just enough to see if I think there’s a mutual connection (no sex talk) and arrange a coffee - then we have the coffee. If all goes well - that’s when the more ‘adult’ talk starts - when he’s shown up and we know there’s a mutual attraction. It’s also always a mixture of social and sex when we meet up - never just sex.
I find it sorts the wheat from the chaf and these days I’m rarely let down.
Hope this helps lovely - it’s a crap feeling when you get let down after feeling you’ve put so much into it.
Sending hugs. Xx
Thanks but this is literally what I try to do already "
Yes, it is my preferred way to meet too. Although on a few occasions the chat in the queue for coffee has led to “Let’s get takeaway cups….” Oh, happy days! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don’t expect anything until your in front of someone physically
The internet has given us the ability to ghost
Apps and sites like this have given us unlimited opportunities, so ghosting is even easier
And also, don’t take ghosting personally. I tried to stop ghosting people, but the abuse, the “why not” or “what did I do” you sometimes get, it’s just easier to ghost. "
And people like this is precisely why there are fewer and fewer people willing to meet.
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Also, every type of guy?
There’s some fat 50 year old that would literally worship the ground you walk on. But you wouldn’t date him right? What about that really awkward virgin that can’t make eye contact? I bet he wouldn’t ghost you
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, every type of guy?
There’s some fat 50 year old that would literally worship the ground you walk on. But you wouldn’t date him right? What about that really awkward virgin that can’t make eye contact? I bet he wouldn’t ghost you
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?"
Does this mean people should settle? Or |
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"Also, every type of guy?
There’s some fat 50 year old that would literally worship the ground you walk on. But you wouldn’t date him right? What about that really awkward virgin that can’t make eye contact? I bet he wouldn’t ghost you
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
Does this mean people should settle? Or"
Not settle, but just be conscious of what you have to offer In a relationship and realise if your setting your sights too high, you might get ghosted more often |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, every type of guy?
There’s some fat 50 year old that would literally worship the ground you walk on. But you wouldn’t date him right? What about that really awkward virgin that can’t make eye contact? I bet he wouldn’t ghost you
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
Does this mean people should settle? Or
Not settle, but just be conscious of what you have to offer In a relationship and realise if your setting your sights too high, you might get ghosted more often "
Fair enough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, every type of guy?
…….
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
Does this mean people should settle? Or"
No. I can’t help who I am attracted to. But I agree with what was just said.
I find I’m not someones first option by the tone of how they talk to you, how less urgent everything feels etc. Sexy talk is avoided and alsorts of other stuff that can feel like your entertaining them. Nothing feels exciting for a reason.
But would I ‘settle’? You mean to get my rocks off? No, my settling is not having anyone in my bed, rather than someone I didn’t desire. |
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By *JstarsoloWoman
over a year ago
Wombwell, Barnsley |
"When you find someone where it's looking like a meet/social?
I hadn't for a long time, jaded from so many disappointments. But... Went through the process with someone new recently. Chatted. Video called. Texted for a few days. Finally started feeling that flutter of "oh, a potential fwb" again.
Which was dumb because I'm currently being ghosted.
Again. "
It's kinda sad, but also comforting as I realise I'm not the only one this happens to. |
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"Also, every type of guy?
…….
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
Does this mean people should settle? Or
No. I can’t help who I am attracted to. But I agree with what was just said.
I find I’m not someones first option by the tone of how they talk to you, how less urgent everything feels etc. Sexy talk is avoided and alsorts of other stuff that can feel like your entertaining them. Nothing feels exciting for a reason.
But would I ‘settle’? You mean to get my rocks off? No, my settling is not having anyone in my bed, rather than someone I didn’t desire. "
Good for you, I’m the same
Plenty of options with girls I don’t want
Far fewer options with girls I do want
There’s a mismatch in what I’m attracted to vs what I can attract
Plenty of people settle too. There’s a reason divorce rates are so high
You do what you want in life |
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"When you find someone where it's looking like a meet/social?
I hadn't for a long time, jaded from so many disappointments. But... Went through the process with someone new recently. Chatted. Video called. Texted for a few days. Finally started feeling that flutter of "oh, a potential fwb" again.
Which was dumb because I'm currently being ghosted.
Again. "
So sorry. I know the feeling too well, it happens to me all the time. It’s not a good feeling, and it hurts, no matter how many will mention it’s just a sex site. Maybe I’m being naive for not treating it as such, I don’t know.
At this point I gave up on starting conversations with new people and I will only meet socially from now.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, every type of guy?
…….
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
Does this mean people should settle? Or
No. I can’t help who I am attracted to. But I agree with what was just said.
I find I’m not someones first option by the tone of how they talk to you, how less urgent everything feels etc. Sexy talk is avoided and alsorts of other stuff that can feel like your entertaining them. Nothing feels exciting for a reason.
But would I ‘settle’? You mean to get my rocks off? No, my settling is not having anyone in my bed, rather than someone I didn’t desire. "
If you’re talking to someone like that as implied in the OP, and they ghost you, then being a 7 and you being a 4 is off no real relevance tbh. They may not be attracted to you, fine but I don’t think you should expect this stuff. Also I disagree with the implication that the 50 year old fat guy or virgin aren’t getting a chance and so this experience is because someone is going for other more desirable people.
But that’s my take. Fair to you guys I just don’t agree. Ntd |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah I do, it’s a new chapter and I love hearing peoples stories.
It’s exciting also looking into their eyes to see if you can read the signals coming back.
I’ve been lucky in the past to have had an amazing social meet today start a weekend of the most fun I’ve had.  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
If you never got excited about anything, whats the point of being alive?
Disappointment comes in many guises, and being let down or hurt sucks, but they can be good learning experiences.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, every type of guy?
…….
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
Does this mean people should settle? Or
No. I can’t help who I am attracted to. But I agree with what was just said.
I find I’m not someones first option by the tone of how they talk to you, how less urgent everything feels etc. Sexy talk is avoided and alsorts of other stuff that can feel like your entertaining them. Nothing feels exciting for a reason.
But would I ‘settle’? You mean to get my rocks off? No, my settling is not having anyone in my bed, rather than someone I didn’t desire.
If you’re talking to someone like that as implied in the OP, and they ghost you, then being a 7 and you being a 4 is off no real relevance tbh. They may not be attracted to you, fine but I don’t think you should expect this stuff. Also I disagree with the implication that the 50 year old fat guy or virgin aren’t getting a chance and so this experience is because someone is going for other more desirable people.
But that’s my take. Fair to you guys I just don’t agree. Ntd "
Okay. I see your point and it’s probably a good one. Someone’s attractivenesseess  hasn’t got anything to do with it she would find me fit enough to jump on, but it will mean I’m not the only one she’s talking to or she will have ‘option’ from other guys…maybe? Just my experience, and limited view of what others also speak out about.
And I do t think it limited to guys, girls will experience this too. This is why I’m completely upfront so someone knows where that are with me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also, every type of guy?
…….
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
Does this mean people should settle? Or
No. I can’t help who I am attracted to. But I agree with what was just said.
I find I’m not someones first option by the tone of how they talk to you, how less urgent everything feels etc. Sexy talk is avoided and alsorts of other stuff that can feel like your entertaining them. Nothing feels exciting for a reason.
But would I ‘settle’? You mean to get my rocks off? No, my settling is not having anyone in my bed, rather than someone I didn’t desire.
If you’re talking to someone like that as implied in the OP, and they ghost you, then being a 7 and you being a 4 is off no real relevance tbh. They may not be attracted to you, fine but I don’t think you should expect this stuff. Also I disagree with the implication that the 50 year old fat guy or virgin aren’t getting a chance and so this experience is because someone is going for other more desirable people.
But that’s my take. Fair to you guys I just don’t agree. Ntd "
The thing is how are you supposed to look at someone as being out of your league when they're literally telling you how attracted they are to you? Why would you have any reason to believe you're not good enough for them?
We get told "don't believe these men, they'll say anything for sex". Okay fine, so you learn to take things with a pinch of salt and compliments and the like stop having the intended effect on you and you start keeping your cards close to your chest. Then it's "stop tarring everyone with the same brush, you're missing out on great guys because you're letting your past experiences define them". Can't fucking win.
Then, if you're really lucky, you can be a fairly attractive 28 year old with a good job, sense of humour, intelligence etc etc. And maybe, just maybe, you can told to settle for men twice your age or shy virgins |
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"Also, every type of guy?
…….
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
Does this mean people should settle? Or
No. I can’t help who I am attracted to. But I agree with what was just said.
I find I’m not someones first option by the tone of how they talk to you, how less urgent everything feels etc. Sexy talk is avoided and alsorts of other stuff that can feel like your entertaining them. Nothing feels exciting for a reason.
But would I ‘settle’? You mean to get my rocks off? No, my settling is not having anyone in my bed, rather than someone I didn’t desire.
If you’re talking to someone like that as implied in the OP, and they ghost you, then being a 7 and you being a 4 is off no real relevance tbh. They may not be attracted to you, fine but I don’t think you should expect this stuff. Also I disagree with the implication that the 50 year old fat guy or virgin aren’t getting a chance and so this experience is because someone is going for other more desirable people.
But that’s my take. Fair to you guys I just don’t agree. Ntd
The thing is how are you supposed to look at someone as being out of your league when they're literally telling you how attracted they are to you? Why would you have any reason to believe you're not good enough for them?
We get told "don't believe these men, they'll say anything for sex". Okay fine, so you learn to take things with a pinch of salt and compliments and the like stop having the intended effect on you and you start keeping your cards close to your chest. Then it's "stop tarring everyone with the same brush, you're missing out on great guys because you're letting your past experiences define them". Can't fucking win.
Then, if you're really lucky, you can be a fairly attractive 28 year old with a good job, sense of humour, intelligence etc etc. And maybe, just maybe, you can told to settle for men twice your age or shy virgins "
The answer to this is “talk is cheap”
Which loops back to my first response
Stop even pretending that people are interested until your on a date with them
It’s all fucking talk. Girls do it too.
Your big mistake was all the texting and video calls and photo swapping
Guys (and girls) that are interested will come out for a drink within a few messages really.
Some might take longer, so don’t hold any feeling over that until your on a date with them. And typically, if it’s longer than a week, it ain’t happening
Make people put their money where they’re mouth is. Oh you think I’m attentive and like my profile, cool, let’s swap numbers and go for a drink this friday
The real ones will just say yes. Lots of them will go silent or offer excuses. Drop them |
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"When you find someone where it's looking like a meet/social?
I hadn't for a long time, jaded from so many disappointments. But... Went through the process with someone new recently. Chatted. Video called. Texted for a few days. Finally started feeling that flutter of "oh, a potential fwb" again.
Which was dumb because I'm currently being ghosted.
Again.
Sadly no. My expectations of people are so low on fab thanks to being let down far too many times in here.
It’s very very unusual to get a vibe off a woman you speak to on fab where you think they might be into me as much as I am into them. So I just assume they’re not.
I now just take the hint and let people get on with what or who they’d rather be doing.
"
This… I’ve stopped making the first move or following up on conversations.
Once I see the message has been read but not answered I delete the conversation and move on. |
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"
Then, if you're really lucky, you can be a fairly attractive 28 year old with a good job, sense of humour, intelligence etc etc. And maybe, just maybe, you can told to settle for men twice your age or shy virgins "
Don't settle, you are gorgeous and worth more than that. Older men may appreciate you more than younger guys (hint hint). But seriously, you are a out of that guys league and he's a twat for not meeting you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be a pessimist. Treat everything like it's going to turn to shit. If it doesn't then bonus, but if it does you were expecting it anyway. So you can't be disappointed cause you were expecting it.
Which only leaves the chance of being pleasently surprised. so ultimately being a pessimist is positive.
Now my head hurts |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Also, every type of guy?
There’s some fat 50 year old that would literally worship the ground you walk on. But you wouldn’t date him right? What about that really awkward virgin that can’t make eye contact? I bet he wouldn’t ghost you
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?"
I'm a 3/10, maybe 4/10 on a good day. If anyone wants to talk to me I'm gobsmacked and I'm never surprised when I'm ghosted. But it still hurts. And I'm not going to "settle" for anyone that I don't feel is fucking amazing. I don't care if others see them as a 9, a 5, a 1.
I might be old, fat and have a face not even a mother could love, but I've still got the right to decide who I'm attracted to and want them rather than just accepting someone that doesn't give me the tingles.
OP, you're beautiful and you're lovely, and telling you that isn't going to help when people are doing this to you. All I can say is try not to get your hopes up before you've met them. Harder to do than say, but it is the only way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also, every type of guy?
There’s some fat 50 year old that would literally worship the ground you walk on. But you wouldn’t date him right? What about that really awkward virgin that can’t make eye contact? I bet he wouldn’t ghost you
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
I'm a 3/10, maybe 4/10 on a good day. If anyone wants to talk to me I'm gobsmacked and I'm never surprised when I'm ghosted. But it still hurts. And I'm not going to "settle" for anyone that I don't feel is fucking amazing. I don't care if others see them as a 9, a 5, a 1.
I might be old, fat and have a face not even a mother could love, but I've still got the right to decide who I'm attracted to and want them rather than just accepting someone that doesn't give me the tingles.
OP, you're beautiful and you're lovely, and telling you that isn't going to help when people are doing this to you. All I can say is try not to get your hopes up before you've met them. Harder to do than say, but it is the only way."
Thank you lovely xx
And shush, you. You're a catch! But I'm glad you understand me on the bit about not settling if you don't want to
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By *urora1912Woman
over a year ago
Norfolk East anglia |
I haven't had new meet in a while I just stick with the regular guys I know.
I did go on 5 dates with a guy a while ago then he went all distant with me... turns out he was seeing someone else too , we knew each other and he realised he was about to get found out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven’t had a meet at all this year but then my preferences are quite specific. So I know it’s my own pickiness that’s at fault. "
IS it a fault though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven’t had a meet at all this year but then my preferences are quite specific. So I know it’s my own pickiness that’s at fault. "
Full head of hair?! That is picky!  |
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By *lick01Woman
over a year ago
Newcastle |
I love the back and forth chat, the excitement, waiting for their message because it might be a meet that satisfies you! Rarely happens these days.
Sorry to read about your experience, no one should be ghosted xx |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Also, every type of guy?
…….
I’ve found the more attractive a girl is, the more likely I am to get ghosted. Because she has better options
I’m like a 4/10. If I start talking to a 7/10 am I really gonna be surprised when I get ghosted?
Does this mean people should settle? Or
No. I can’t help who I am attracted to. But I agree with what was just said.
I find I’m not someones first option by the tone of how they talk to you, how less urgent everything feels etc. Sexy talk is avoided and alsorts of other stuff that can feel like your entertaining them. Nothing feels exciting for a reason.
But would I ‘settle’? You mean to get my rocks off? No, my settling is not having anyone in my bed, rather than someone I didn’t desire.
If you’re talking to someone like that as implied in the OP, and they ghost you, then being a 7 and you being a 4 is off no real relevance tbh. They may not be attracted to you, fine but I don’t think you should expect this stuff. Also I disagree with the implication that the 50 year old fat guy or virgin aren’t getting a chance and so this experience is because someone is going for other more desirable people.
But that’s my take. Fair to you guys I just don’t agree. Ntd
The thing is how are you supposed to look at someone as being out of your league when they're literally telling you how attracted they are to you? Why would you have any reason to believe you're not good enough for them?
We get told "don't believe these men, they'll say anything for sex". Okay fine, so you learn to take things with a pinch of salt and compliments and the like stop having the intended effect on you and you start keeping your cards close to your chest. Then it's "stop tarring everyone with the same brush, you're missing out on great guys because you're letting your past experiences define them". Can't fucking win.
Then, if you're really lucky, you can be a fairly attractive 28 year old with a good job, sense of humour, intelligence etc etc. And maybe, just maybe, you can told to settle for men twice your age or shy virgins
The answer to this is “talk is cheap”
Which loops back to my first response
Stop even pretending that people are interested until your on a date with them
It’s all fucking talk. Girls do it too.
Your big mistake was all the texting and video calls and photo swapping
Guys (and girls) that are interested will come out for a drink within a few messages really.
Some might take longer, so don’t hold any feeling over that until your on a date with them. And typically, if it’s longer than a week, it ain’t happening
Make people put their money where they’re mouth is. Oh you think I’m attentive and like my profile, cool, let’s swap numbers and go for a drink this friday
The real ones will just say yes. Lots of them will go silent or offer excuses. Drop them "
I babysit Fridays. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is easier for couples. Probably also alot easier if it's a nice to have extension rather than a main event. We just can't keep our hands off each other in the run up and for the few occasions we have been left in the lurch - sorry single guys but is always those (apart from one dodgy couple) we have had a pretty spectacular nights fornicating by ourselves 
The anticipation, the nerves, heart racing and skipping a beat - definitely all there. But we are still fairly new and inexperienced |
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Its happened a few times to me. But now I ensure a coffee meet and expect nothing other than a coffee. If I’m interested and they are, then we arrange at a day or two later for another time. That’s the cooling off period. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I haven’t had a meet at all this year but then my preferences are quite specific. So I know it’s my own pickiness that’s at fault.
IS it a fault though?"
Yeah I don't get why pickiness is seen as a bad thing.
I feel like being secure enough in yourself to not entertain anyone who gives you attention should be celebrated. |
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