FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Saying no
Saying no
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What is the best way to tell people you're not interested in them without offending them?
We seem to get abuse back or people trying to persuade us otherwise with comments like 'I would give you multiple orgasms' forgetting we are a couple!
Don't get us wrong some people are absolutely respectful about it but the majority are not.
How would you like to be told no? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I say thanks for the message and pics but I’m afraid you’re not for me but I wish you well.
Most of the time that’s fine but I have had abuse back or asked why they aren’t my type etc.
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I’d really live to meet, great, fuck and suck you, however my Herpes has flared up and my genitals look like a bowl of reddish black cornflakes. Once they have healed up, I’ll drop you a line. In the mean time, keep on trucking!  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Jusr say no or no thank you , don’t say sorry unless you’ve done something wrong.
You’re better off not giving any reason, you don’t need to and it won’t help them or change anything. My no is my no , I like using it ! |
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By *untogetherCouple
over a year ago
Malaga, Spain, Not in U. K. |
"That's pretty much exactly what we say. Say thanks for the message and good luck etc but some people can just be really rude and don't accept it! "
If they message again after that it's a block for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We say they're not for us and wish them well. We then block so we don't get any follow up. Unless we've vibed and it's a distance thing. In which case we'd be happy to still chat and remain friends |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's no reply that's polite enough to stop entitled people abusing, arguing or complaining. It's not your fault they can't accept "no".
You hit the nail on the head haha"
Afraid so. I started off feeling guilty but I don't give any fucks now. I'm polite when I say no. That's enough. |
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"That's pretty much exactly what we say. Say thanks for the message and good luck etc but some people can just be really rude and don't accept it!
If they message again after that it's a block for us."
We had our first experience like this last night - guy wouldn’t stop message despite us saying a polite thanks but no thanks, and then started to insult us.
Reported them to Fab as frankly nobody has the right to send abuse like we received. |
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"That's pretty much exactly what we say. Say thanks for the message and good luck etc but some people can just be really rude and don't accept it!
If they message again after that it's a block for us."
Some guy literally told us he will be waiting for us outside a school on a certain road. It's so weird!!! He's been blocked now! |
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"I can’t stand being told no, don’t think anyone likes it tbf. I just block though don’t give any abuse. I think some people are just weird on the internet "
Oh yeah nobody likes to be told no but surely people understand that not everybody is going to be into everyone haha. Yeah people are so weird on the Internet for sure |
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By *untogetherCouple
over a year ago
Malaga, Spain, Not in U. K. |
"That's pretty much exactly what we say. Say thanks for the message and good luck etc but some people can just be really rude and don't accept it!
If they message again after that it's a block for us.
We had our first experience like this last night - guy wouldn’t stop message despite us saying a polite thanks but no thanks, and then started to insult us.
Reported them to Fab as frankly nobody has the right to send abuse like we received."
Some people just suck ( and I don't mean that in the good way)! I try to choose my words carefully , whick is why I say that WE are not for them, instead of saying.. THEY are not for us. I try to put the blame squarely on us. We have had very few abuse us, or people who keep messaging since I have switched my wording about. Not sure if it's because of the wording or just have gotten lucky to have people who accept and move on. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
Been here long enough over the years to accept that I don't fit some people criteria, so if I get a no thanks or a not for me, I say thanks for the reply and happy fabbing, don't see any point in getting nasty.
At the end of the day it's their choice.
The fact that they are missing out on the best thing since sliced bread again is their choice  |
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By *untogetherCouple
over a year ago
Malaga, Spain, Not in U. K. |
"That's pretty much exactly what we say. Say thanks for the message and good luck etc but some people can just be really rude and don't accept it!
If they message again after that it's a block for us.
Some guy literally told us he will be waiting for us outside a school on a certain road. It's so weird!!! He's been blocked now!"
Doesn't sound like he needs to be allowed anywhere near a school if he can't take a polite no! |
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By *VanManMan
over a year ago
Pontefract/Doncaster |
I received this the other day.
(Sounds very interesting. We are, at the moment, overwhelmed with offers - many as tempting as yours. But for now, we'll have to pass)
Very nice way to say no. Problem is some people don't understand no is no and there has to be a spark to make things work, even if it's a NSA meet. |
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By *rg4Man
over a year ago
hunktown |
"I can’t stand being told no, don’t think anyone likes it tbf. I just block though don’t give any abuse. I think some people are just weird on the internet
Oh yeah nobody likes to be told no but surely people understand that not everybody is going to be into everyone haha. Yeah people are so weird on the Internet for sure"
I don’t get it why people abuse. Ego is hurt probably |
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"That's pretty much exactly what we say. Say thanks for the message and good luck etc but some people can just be really rude and don't accept it!
If they message again after that it's a block for us.
We had our first experience like this last night - guy wouldn’t stop message despite us saying a polite thanks but no thanks, and then started to insult us.
Reported them to Fab as frankly nobody has the right to send abuse like we received.
Some people just suck ( and I don't mean that in the good way)! I try to choose my words carefully , whick is why I say that WE are not for them, instead of saying.. THEY are not for us. I try to put the blame squarely on us. We have had very few abuse us, or people who keep messaging since I have switched my wording about. Not sure if it's because of the wording or just have gotten lucky to have people who accept and move on."
That's a great idea. Thank you. |
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"Been here long enough over the years to accept that I don't fit some people criteria, so if I get a no thanks or a not for me, I say thanks for the reply and happy fabbing, don't see any point in getting nasty.
At the end of the day it's their choice.
The fact that they are missing out on the best thing since sliced bread again is their choice "
Hahaha! |
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"That's pretty much exactly what we say. Say thanks for the message and good luck etc but some people can just be really rude and don't accept it!
If they message again after that it's a block for us.
Some guy literally told us he will be waiting for us outside a school on a certain road. It's so weird!!! He's been blocked now!
Doesn't sound like he needs to be allowed anywhere near a school if he can't take a polite no! "
Exactly!! |
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I'd rather not be told no, but in reality I often am. As long as it's done politely I don't care about the actual wording. I'm not arrogant enough to think everyone I mail will want to play with me, so when they say no I shrug and move on. Same if they just delete me email. Why waste time and energy abusing someone who has clearly chosen not to play with me, it'll hardly make them change their mind will it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I received this the other day.
(Sounds very interesting. We are, at the moment, overwhelmed with offers - many as tempting as yours. But for now, we'll have to pass)
Very nice way to say no. Problem is some people don't understand no is no and there has to be a spark to make things work, even if it's a NSA meet."
As much as i agree you have to give people a chance. You cant get a spark unless you get to know someone so i see all sides. Giving abuse is wrong but also men/women/couples say you are not for them but dont explain exactly what they mean. |
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"What is the best way to tell people you're not interested in them without offending them?
We seem to get abuse back or people trying to persuade us otherwise with comments like 'I would give you multiple orgasms' forgetting we are a couple!
Don't get us wrong some people are absolutely respectful about it but the majority are not.
How would you like to be told no?"
Just don’t reply or say ‘Thanks, you’re not our cup of tea though’ or something.
As long as it’s polite that’s fine. The people that send you abuse are probably going to be offended by any form of rejection. I’d just block those people and forget about it; don’t spend too much time worrying if you’ve offended them or whatever. |
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"I received this the other day.
(Sounds very interesting. We are, at the moment, overwhelmed with offers - many as tempting as yours. But for now, we'll have to pass)
Very nice way to say no. Problem is some people don't understand no is no and there has to be a spark to make things work, even if it's a NSA meet.
As much as i agree you have to give people a chance. You cant get a spark unless you get to know someone so i see all sides. Giving abuse is wrong but also men/women/couples say you are not for them but dont explain exactly what they mean."
For us saying they are not for us basically is us trying to be polite and saying we are not attracted to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Truth is whichever way you say it, it's not going to feel nice for them as no one likes rejection. I usually just say that I'm looking for something a little different but thank you anyway. And remember just saying that is enough, you don't owe anyone an explanation. |
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"Truth is whichever way you say it, it's not going to feel nice for them as no one likes rejection. I usually just say that I'm looking for something a little different but thank you anyway. And remember just saying that is enough, you don't owe anyone an explanation."
Yeah we have tried that before and then it's usually followed up with 'well what are you looking for' haha! |
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By *JstarsoloWoman
over a year ago
Wombwell, Barnsley |
"I received this the other day.
(Sounds very interesting. We are, at the moment, overwhelmed with offers - many as tempting as yours. But for now, we'll have to pass)
Very nice way to say no. Problem is some people don't understand no is no and there has to be a spark to make things work, even if it's a NSA meet.
As much as i agree you have to give people a chance. You cant get a spark unless you get to know someone so i see all sides. Giving abuse is wrong but also men/women/couples say you are not for them but dont explain exactly what they mean."
No-one has to explain anything. A no should be enough, I think. |
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"Truth is whichever way you say it, it's not going to feel nice for them as no one likes rejection. I usually just say that I'm looking for something a little different but thank you anyway. And remember just saying that is enough, you don't owe anyone an explanation.
Yeah we have tried that before and then it's usually followed up with 'well what are you looking for' haha!"
Just don’t reply after that. If they keep pestering, then ban hammer with a block. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is the best way to tell people you're not interested in them without offending them?
We seem to get abuse back or people trying to persuade us otherwise with comments like 'I would give you multiple orgasms' forgetting we are a couple!
Don't get us wrong some people are absolutely respectful about it but the majority are not.
How would you like to be told no?"
Just be honest with me and say your not for me, but it’s sad that you get abuse by people when you do say no |
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We always meet up for a drink and chat and if we don't want to meet again it a reply something like.
"Thanks for meeting us last night, we had a great time but won't be taking it any further".
If we get an OK thanks for your reply, no issues. Any form of abuse, it's a block.
We always block people who don't match what we are looking for, so we don't bother them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I received this the other day.
(Sounds very interesting. We are, at the moment, overwhelmed with offers - many as tempting as yours. But for now, we'll have to pass)
Very nice way to say no. Problem is some people don't understand no is no and there has to be a spark to make things work, even if it's a NSA meet.
As much as i agree you have to give people a chance. You cant get a spark unless you get to know someone so i see all sides. Giving abuse is wrong but also men/women/couples say you are not for them but dont explain exactly what they mean.
For us saying they are not for us basically is us trying to be polite and saying we are not attracted to them."
Same here |
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I usually send a polite “thank you for reaching out but not what I’m looking for atm, all the best” when I see someone put an effort in their message.
Basic one liners, straight sex talking, name calling or dick picture attached - I’ll delete without reading. When they follow up with “???”, “u shy?” or other bs, then I’ll block.
Otherwise I’m really trying to be as much respectful as I can. |
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For any sane well balanced person a simple - thanks but I’m not feeling a tingle is fine - its about attraction and if theres no tingle then there’s no Point its not a relationship as such. Doesn’t matter how polite you are probably 50% +. Will be arsey as they think fab is a fuck site and if you’re here you’d fuck anything xxx the others would be as youd expect - mature enough to move on. No drama |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I received this the other day.
(Sounds very interesting. We are, at the moment, overwhelmed with offers - many as tempting as yours. But for now, we'll have to pass)
Very nice way to say no. Problem is some people don't understand no is no and there has to be a spark to make things work, even if it's a NSA meet.
As much as i agree you have to give people a chance. You cant get a spark unless you get to know someone so i see all sides. Giving abuse is wrong but also men/women/couples say you are not for them but dont explain exactly what they mean."
Why do you have to give people a chance? Why does anyone have to explain in detail why they're not attracted?
In my experience of looking for someone, I know whether I am attracted physically immediately. And if someone is outside of my parameters (age, distance etc) I just say no. The more detail I give the more likely they are to argue with me. This has happened more times than I care to remember. If I say why I am not physically attracted - it's going to be worse for the person being rejected. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I decide to contact someone I always put at the end of my message " I completely understand if not your type or choose not to respond". I feel it takes the pressure of them having to send the 100th No message of that day lol.
I am polite and try to word my messages to include what they are looking for and what attracted me to their profile.
If I don't receive a response in a few days I just delete and remove photos ( if sent).
 |
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"When I decide to contact someone I always put at the end of my message " I completely understand if not your type or choose not to respond". I feel it takes the pressure of them having to send the 100th No message of that day lol.
I am polite and try to word my messages to include what they are looking for and what attracted me to their profile.
"
Same. It's about making people feel at ease. Very few people respond well to being pressured. |
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"When I decide to contact someone I always put at the end of my message " I completely understand if not your type or choose not to respond". I feel it takes the pressure of them having to send the 100th No message of that day lol.
I am polite and try to word my messages to include what they are looking for and what attracted me to their profile.
If I don't receive a response in a few days I just delete and remove photos ( if sent).
"
Agree entirely. Does not cost you anything being nice. Treat how you would like to be treated. We are all different and may be looking for different things so respect that |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
As nice and polite as it is to reply not for me etc, I just delete any messages I'm not interested in as they can get round any future filters if you interact with them and then you have to block |
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Getting a reply is rare in itself. If you don’t reply I take that as a ‘no thanks’ and move on.
If I get a ‘not for us’ reply I accept that too.
I don’t know how I respond to a ‘super, let’s meet up’ message… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As nice and polite as it is to reply not for me etc, I just delete any messages I'm not interested in as they can get round any future filters if you interact with them and then you have to block "
Just putting this out there after seeing your profile " Gulp  " and definitely won't message  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our got to response is “Thanks for the message but you’re not what we are looking for”
90% of the time we don’t get a reply so I guess it works.
9% we get “Thanks for replying. Happy fabbing”
1% we get abuse or “why not?” |
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"Our got to response is “Thanks for the message but you’re not what we are looking for”
90% of the time we don’t get a reply so I guess it works.
9% we get “Thanks for replying. Happy fabbing”
1% we get abuse or “why not?”"
Or “can we just chat until you can maybe change your mind?”  |
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By *eisty LadyWoman
over a year ago
Count Your Blessings Cottage, Gratitude Grove |
I check profiles before opening messages, if they’re not what I’m looking for I block them and delete the message unread
Gone are they days where I sent a polite thanks but no thanks - I just get message back which say that they wanted to fuck me not date me
No reply is an accepted polite no thank you in fab rules apparently, so I stick with that |
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By *ORBCouple
over a year ago
Dundalk |
So far on this profile we've told a few that they aren't what we are looking for and most have accepted that.
We told one that we weren't interested because he obviously hadn't read the profile and introduced himself with details of what he was capable of. He didn't take our refusal just as well.
We have both had varied reactions when saying no on our single profiles and in particular I've had a number of women and couples who have retorted with the old "do you not know who I am?", "do you know who I've met on here?" or "have you any idea how long I've been on this site?".
I've always been polite when saying no but some just don't understand the word no or aren't used to hearing it. RB |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for your message. I don't want to meet but I wish you great times with someone else soon.
Bye x ( BLOCK ) "
I thought I was the only one thinking that simply. |
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"What is the best way to tell people you're not interested in them without offending them?
We seem to get abuse back or people trying to persuade us otherwise with comments like 'I would give you multiple orgasms' forgetting we are a couple!
Don't get us wrong some people are absolutely respectful about it but the majority are not.
How would you like to be told no?"
Personally we respect a no or no response and move on but so many others do not.
Best all round way is just to block if you are not interested. Saves a lot of hassle. Might not be the nicest solution but it does the job.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I add a note to their profile saying their was no attraction after politely saying you look like a lovely couple/girl but you aren’t for us. Happy fabbing
The notes are great as it means that if we end up at an event or something together and they say/we see we’ve chatted before I’ll know pics were shared |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
There is no easy way of saying no and not getting abuse back if that is how the receiver of the rejection is going to react. All you can do is politely say no thank you you are not what we are looking for. If they then send abuse simply block and report. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I add a note to their profile saying their was no attraction after politely saying you look like a lovely couple/girl but you aren’t for us. Happy fabbing
The notes are great as it means that if we end up at an event or something together and they say/we see we’ve chatted before I’ll know pics were shared "
And if they reply and are rude, I copy and paste the message to the notes and then block |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try to be polite with most people and most people accept it but its the small percentage of people on here who just come across as needy and pushy and I don't think it would matter what u say to these people they just wake up and chose to be this way |
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By *untogetherCouple
over a year ago
Malaga, Spain, Not in U. K. |
"I add a note to their profile saying their was no attraction after politely saying you look like a lovely couple/girl but you aren’t for us. Happy fabbing
The notes are great as it means that if we end up at an event or something together and they say/we see we’ve chatted before I’ll know pics were shared "
Excellent use of the tools available! I just found the notes bit and have started using them so I can remember why I am or am not interested in them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Our got to response is “Thanks for the message but you’re not what we are looking for”
90% of the time we don’t get a reply so I guess it works.
9% we get “Thanks for replying. Happy fabbing”
1% we get abuse or “why not?”
Or “can we just chat until you can maybe change your mind?” "
Unless they say something extremely interesting we usually don’t reply to any follow up messages. |
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"What is the best way to tell people you're not interested in them without offending them?
We seem to get abuse back or people trying to persuade us otherwise with comments like 'I would give you multiple orgasms' forgetting we are a couple!
Don't get us wrong some people are absolutely respectful about it but the majority are not.
How would you like to be told no?"
I’ve used a polite “Sorry not my type, happy fabbing though”…. Courteous and not too harsh |
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"I add a note to their profile saying their was no attraction after politely saying you look like a lovely couple/girl but you aren’t for us. Happy fabbing
The notes are great as it means that if we end up at an event or something together and they say/we see we’ve chatted before I’ll know pics were shared "
How do you add notes? That's a good idea |
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By *euve4usCouple
over a year ago
Teddington |
We have a couple of responses where we have a message and depends on the type of message received.
If they haven’t read our profile (we can usually tell) then we say
“Thanks for your message however as per our profile preferences clearly stated We are not a match and wish you luck finding fun.”
If they might have read our profile or are close to our preferences but not for us.
“Thanks for your message however we don’t see a match and wish you happy fabbing”
If someone appears to have made an effort with a message then we usually reply with one of the above - yes it’s admin however it’s a 5 second copy and paste and being polite in our view.
If they come back either abusive or asking lots of questions/justifying/pleading it’s a block for ignoring our polite rejection. If they send inappropriate messages it’s an automatic block. |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
"We have a couple of responses where we have a message and depends on the type of message received.
If they haven’t read our profile (we can usually tell) then we say
“Thanks for your message however as per our profile preferences clearly stated We are not a match and wish you luck finding fun.”
If they might have read our profile or are close to our preferences but not for us.
“Thanks for your message however we don’t see a match and wish you happy fabbing”
If someone appears to have made an effort with a message then we usually reply with one of the above - yes it’s admin however it’s a 5 second copy and paste and being polite in our view.
If they come back either abusive or asking lots of questions/justifying/pleading it’s a block for ignoring our polite rejection. If they send inappropriate messages it’s an automatic block. "
Yes! Correct on not reading your bio.. We get a lot of "you guy's are hot" but on looking at theirs it states "only interested in ladies"
The common one is either of us don't find them attractive, so it's honestly "thank you, but the attraction isn't there for both of us" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I add a note to their profile saying their was no attraction after politely saying you look like a lovely couple/girl but you aren’t for us. Happy fabbing
The notes are great as it means that if we end up at an event or something together and they say/we see we’ve chatted before I’ll know pics were shared
How do you add notes? That's a good idea"
It’s in the same list as add as friend, verify etc. just click add a private note and write a bit and save. A little icon will appear beside their name. You can also add a note and read a note after you block someone. If I block I always add a note so I know why |
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"I add a note to their profile saying their was no attraction after politely saying you look like a lovely couple/girl but you aren’t for us. Happy fabbing
The notes are great as it means that if we end up at an event or something together and they say/we see we’ve chatted before I’ll know pics were shared
How do you add notes? That's a good idea
It’s in the same list as add as friend, verify etc. just click add a private note and write a bit and save. A little icon will appear beside their name. You can also add a note and read a note after you block someone. If I block I always add a note so I know why"
Thank you for that |
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I say thanks your message and compliments (usually how they start their way in) however you aren’t for us.
Happy hunting.
K
As it’s addressed by the male I don’t tend to get many come backs.
Although one guy did say if C read this message would it be a different response 
Erm well since you have just cock pics or no profile wording then it’s safe to say I don’t need to confer with C on this one
K |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"What is the best way to tell people you're not interested in them without offending them?
We seem to get abuse back or people trying to persuade us otherwise with comments like 'I would give you multiple orgasms' forgetting we are a couple!
Don't get us wrong some people are absolutely respectful about it but the majority are not.
How would you like to be told no?"
If anyone is offended by a no thank you:
A) they should not be swinging in the first place!
B) they reaffirmed your decision that you were right to not want to play with them! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As long as you're not abusive, I would take a no and as a no and say thank you for letting me know and all the best.
It's good of you to reply to let them know as a lot don't for the very reason you described. Unfortunately, I think some men are thinking with their frustrated little head over their big one when they send those responses  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is the best way to tell people you're not interested in them without offending them?
We seem to get abuse back or people trying to persuade us otherwise with comments like 'I would give you multiple orgasms' forgetting we are a couple!
Don't get us wrong some people are absolutely respectful about it but the majority are not.
How would you like to be told no?"
No means no you shouldn’t have to explain yourself or say no more than once ….just say no sorry not for us and that’s it ….block and move on if you do get abuse it’s as simple as that |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"My default is "I am not going to take this any further"
I offend people all the time even with being kind so, as long as my manners are present then its all good "
I'm offended, C. |
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"My default is "I am not going to take this any further"
I offend people all the time even with being kind so, as long as my manners are present then its all good
I'm offended, C."
You can tell me that in December with a pint |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"My default is "I am not going to take this any further"
I offend people all the time even with being kind so, as long as my manners are present then its all good
I'm offended, C.
You can tell me that in December with a pint "
Deal! I'll hold you to that. If not before  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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*my spelling is aweful.
There’s a lot of you who have been very polite with me, and I appreciate that over ‘ignored is a polite no.’ But that’s just me.
Nobody is trying to ‘butt hurt’ people, if they are, that’s clearly nastiness and it will come off that way. And the same with a reply if you’ve tried your honest in declining to meet someone.
Op, a nice direct hint that protects a possible fragile person is a good way to go. But make it clear. It’s a no. Don’t make it sound anything but what it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm starting to feel left out. We don't get abusive messages on either our couple profile or her ladyship's HW one.
Are we simply not worth getting disappointed and angry at?
Mr |
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"I got abused 3 times yesterday, once for ignoring their messages, and twice for not explaining "no thanks"
One said we (women) are all sluts on a sex site, and we should fuck anyone! "
You should reply...
Quite right sir, we are all sluts, including me and I do tend to fuck everyone but sadly I have to draw the line somewhere and you are well underneath this line but thanks so much for your kind reply and comments, cut of your jib and all that. |
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