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So....i was at a friends birthday do at their house yesterday and met and chatted to a lovely lass but no real signals she was interested in terms of flirtation. Put feelers out via said friend but as anticipated, no interest like that. About the third time this has happened over last couple of months.
I have been single forever and feel really frustrated lately that meeting people seems to be getting progressively harder. I spent my 20s only ever "chatting women up" in clubs with really overt move making and that was fun but nothing ever stuck. It's now really rare I meet someone i actually fancy.
Not too sure what the point of this post is. I guess my question is how do you flirt with someone in a way that isn't instantly trying to sleep with them but will attract them and signal attraction! It seems to be im either putting out highly sexed flirtation or nothing at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reading your OP, I'm not sure why you're asking about flirting. You say several times you've had chats with women but while happy to talk they don't have interest in taking it further. I'm struggling to understand how you think improved flirting skills would alter that?
Flirting isn't something you deploy in order to convince a person to fancy you. It's a two way thing that happens naturally when you both fancy each other.
You may have just got unlucky but it may also be that you are sending the wrong signals. It is surprising how the subtlest of word choices, body language and inflection can convey far more than our words. If you are talking to a woman and in your mind trying to figure it how to *make* her fancy you there's every chance that at some level she is aware of this and isn't responding well.
Maybe simply enjoying a conversation for what it is rather than trying to get something out of it would help? I get that it is a bit of a catch 22 situation, you're lonely, wanting more and not making an effort to chase will get nothing while making an effort pushes people away 
Mr |
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"Reading your OP, I'm not sure why you're asking about flirting. You say several times you've had chats with women but while happy to talk they don't have interest in taking it further. I'm struggling to understand how you think improved flirting skills would alter that?
Flirting isn't something you deploy in order to convince a person to fancy you. It's a two way thing that happens naturally when you both fancy each other.
You may have just got unlucky but it may also be that you are sending the wrong signals. It is surprising how the subtlest of word choices, body language and inflection can convey far more than our words. If you are talking to a woman and in your mind trying to figure it how to *make* her fancy you there's every chance that at some level she is aware of this and isn't responding well.
Maybe simply enjoying a conversation for what it is rather than trying to get something out of it would help? I get that it is a bit of a catch 22 situation, you're lonely, wanting more and not making an effort to chase will get nothing while making an effort pushes people away
Mr"
Ye it's a fair point. I suppose what I mean is that when you first meet someone you tend to make a decision about attraction quite quickly and not much tends to move that. Fancying someone to me isnt just they look good its about engagement, confidence, a bit of banter, etc... the signals you mention are a big part of how you create or ruin the sort of connection you want.
What sorts of things ruin that possibility? What sort of signals make it more likely? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the female isn't into you, there is not really anything you can do to improve your chances with them. In the same way if you meet females you aren't into they can't make you change your mind either. The attraction is either there or it isn't. You just have to keep looking until you find a female with a mutual attraction...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to concern myself with this and slowly came to the conclusion that I shouldn't waste time worrying about it. I find it comes naturally when two souls make a connection and it's not always straight away. Just be you, that's the most attractive you can be and things just have a way of working out. Patience is your ally  |
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Talk to women as equals, if you're *genuinely* interested in finding out more about them ask questions, if you find them attractive or think there's a possibility that something could develop ask if they'd like to chat further over a drink one evening. Take it from there. All this giving out signals business is such a waste of time, just be open about your intentions, respectful if the woman isn't interested and enjoy women's company  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to concern myself with this and slowly came to the conclusion that I shouldn't waste time worrying about it. I find it comes naturally when two souls make a connection and it's not always straight away. Just be you, that's the most attractive you can be and things just have a way of working out. Patience is your ally "
Spot on ^ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reading your OP, I'm not sure why you're asking about flirting. You say several times you've had chats with women but while happy to talk they don't have interest in taking it further. I'm struggling to understand how you think improved flirting skills would alter that?
Flirting isn't something you deploy in order to convince a person to fancy you. It's a two way thing that happens naturally when you both fancy each other.
You may have just got unlucky but it may also be that you are sending the wrong signals. It is surprising how the subtlest of word choices, body language and inflection can convey far more than our words. If you are talking to a woman and in your mind trying to figure it how to *make* her fancy you there's every chance that at some level she is aware of this and isn't responding well.
Maybe simply enjoying a conversation for what it is rather than trying to get something out of it would help? I get that it is a bit of a catch 22 situation, you're lonely, wanting more and not making an effort to chase will get nothing while making an effort pushes people away
Mr"
Excellent perception and explanation as always. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So....i was at a friends birthday do at their house yesterday and met and chatted to a lovely lass but no real signals she was interested in terms of flirtation. Put feelers out via said friend but as anticipated, no interest like that. About the third time this has happened over last couple of months.
I have been single forever and feel really frustrated lately that meeting people seems to be getting progressively harder. I spent my 20s only ever "chatting women up" in clubs with really overt move making and that was fun but nothing ever stuck. It's now really rare I meet someone i actually fancy.
Not too sure what the point of this post is. I guess my question is how do you flirt with someone in a way that isn't instantly trying to sleep with them but will attract them and signal attraction! It seems to be im either putting out highly sexed flirtation or nothing at all."
You are too nice and getting stuck in the friend zone, watch Kezia Noble on YouTube, most of her info is free and she is awesome, talks about sex dating too. |
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"So....i was at a friends birthday do at their house yesterday and met and chatted to a lovely lass but no real signals she was interested in terms of flirtation. Put feelers out via said friend but as anticipated, no interest like that. About the third time this has happened over last couple of months.
I have been single forever and feel really frustrated lately that meeting people seems to be getting progressively harder. I spent my 20s only ever "chatting women up" in clubs with really overt move making and that was fun but nothing ever stuck. It's now really rare I meet someone i actually fancy.
Not too sure what the point of this post is. I guess my question is how do you flirt with someone in a way that isn't instantly trying to sleep with them but will attract them and signal attraction! It seems to be im either putting out highly sexed flirtation or nothing at all.
You are too nice and getting stuck in the friend zone, watch Kezia Noble on YouTube, most of her info is free and she is awesome, talks about sex dating too."
Thanks for the tip. I used to think there was an element of that but over the last few years have been more up front when im interested to avoid any friendzone type situations. I have brilliant female friends who im not interested in but when i meet someone new i see little point in waiting to get to know them well before asking them out - if i kinda like them then i just go for it. It is a catch 22 like someone else said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
What sorts of things ruin that possibility? What sort of signals make it more likely?"
I think you're missing the point. As Nice Couple said be open, don't mess about with signals.
When I talked of giving off signals I'm referring to the unc@nscious communication we all have, not something that can be manipulated and definitely not something you should attempt to.
Be yourself. If being yourself isn't working, the answer really really isn't to attempt to trick people into believing you're something else. Asking this is the same as asking about flirting, you seem to believe there is some magic formula of behavoir and/or words that will, if you perfect the act, attract women. If I had a two minute conversation with a person where they indicated they held this belief as you have in just 2 posts, they wouldn't see me for dust.
Mr |
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"So....i was at a friends birthday do at their house yesterday and met and chatted to a lovely lass but no real signals she was interested in terms of flirtation. Put feelers out via said friend but as anticipated, no interest like that. About the third time this has happened over last couple of months.
I have been single forever and feel really frustrated lately that meeting people seems to be getting progressively harder. I spent my 20s only ever "chatting women up" in clubs with really overt move making and that was fun but nothing ever stuck. It's now really rare I meet someone i actually fancy.
Not too sure what the point of this post is. I guess my question is how do you flirt with someone in a way that isn't instantly trying to sleep with them but will attract them and signal attraction! It seems to be im either putting out highly sexed flirtation or nothing at all.
You are too nice and getting stuck in the friend zone, watch Kezia Noble on YouTube, most of her info is free and she is awesome, talks about sex dating too."
I briefly looked at Kezia Noble.
I'm genuinely interested to know if you've had more success meeting the kind of woman you like after looking at her videos.
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I ask them if they would like to come on a date with me. Face to face it's easy to read the chemistry, If one of us is not feeling it then into the friendzone it goes. But on the odd occasion those sparks just fly and something wonderful emerges |
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If heaven forfend, I was on the dating scene again I think I'd go on loads of dates (assuming i was asked or accepted) because you just never know. I'd be honest with the people from the start and hope for the same but if you don't hit it off romantically you've hopefully made a friend and the more friends you have the higher the likelihood of meeting someone you do hit it off with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I briefly looked at Kezia Noble.
I'm genuinely interested to know if you've had more success meeting the kind of woman you like after looking at her videos.
"
That's a terrifying wormhole I had no idea existed. Her videos and the adds that pop up with them are scary 
That's enough internet for me today.
Mr |
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"
What sorts of things ruin that possibility? What sort of signals make it more likely?
I think you're missing the point. As Nice Couple said be open, don't mess about with signals.
When I talked of giving off signals I'm referring to the unc@nscious communication we all have, not something that can be manipulated and definitely not something you should attempt to.
Be yourself. If being yourself isn't working, the answer really really isn't to attempt to trick people into believing you're something else. Asking this is the same as asking about flirting, you seem to believe there is some magic formula of behavoir and/or words that will, if you perfect the act, attract women. If I had a two minute conversation with a person where they indicated they held this belief as you have in just 2 posts, they wouldn't see me for dust.
Mr"
To suggest you can't present yourself to others in a way that increases your attractiveness is nonsense though. And to think that self improvement is trying to manipulate or trick people is also nonsense. People who habitually behave in certain ways are seen as more desirable or attractive- confidence for example is a turn on. Body language wise sitting up straight, being open, eye contact, micro gestures all help people see you as being someone they will enjoy spending time with. |
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"So....i was at a friends birthday do at their house yesterday and met and chatted to a lovely lass but no real signals she was interested in terms of flirtation. Put feelers out via said friend but as anticipated, no interest like that. About the third time this has happened over last couple of months.
I have been single forever and feel really frustrated lately that meeting people seems to be getting progressively harder. I spent my 20s only ever "chatting women up" in clubs with really overt move making and that was fun but nothing ever stuck. It's now really rare I meet someone i actually fancy.
Not too sure what the point of this post is. I guess my question is how do you flirt with someone in a way that isn't instantly trying to sleep with them but will attract them and signal attraction! It seems to be im either putting out highly sexed flirtation or nothing at all.
You are too nice and getting stuck in the friend zone, watch Kezia Noble on YouTube, most of her info is free and she is awesome, talks about sex dating too.
I briefly looked at Kezia Noble.
I'm genuinely interested to know if you've had more success meeting the kind of woman you like after looking at her videos.
"
I briefly looked at her videos and it seems mostly common sense or nonsense being sold to needy men. |
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"
I briefly looked at Kezia Noble.
I'm genuinely interested to know if you've had more success meeting the kind of woman you like after looking at her videos.
That's a terrifying wormhole I had no idea existed. Her videos and the adds that pop up with them are scary
That's enough internet for me today.
Mr"
I haven't properly looked but I did se a reference to a 'mastery plan'.
In general I am deeply suspicious of anything like this but as I know nothing about Ms Noble I wondered if she might be different.
I'm going to have a proper look later unless you think it might offend my delicate sensibilities  |
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"So....i was at a friends birthday do at their house yesterday and met and chatted to a lovely lass but no real signals she was interested in terms of flirtation. Put feelers out via said friend but as anticipated, no interest like that. About the third time this has happened over last couple of months.
I have been single forever and feel really frustrated lately that meeting people seems to be getting progressively harder. I spent my 20s only ever "chatting women up" in clubs with really overt move making and that was fun but nothing ever stuck. It's now really rare I meet someone i actually fancy.
Not too sure what the point of this post is. I guess my question is how do you flirt with someone in a way that isn't instantly trying to sleep with them but will attract them and signal attraction! It seems to be im either putting out highly sexed flirtation or nothing at all.
You are too nice and getting stuck in the friend zone, watch Kezia Noble on YouTube, most of her info is free and she is awesome, talks about sex dating too.
I briefly looked at Kezia Noble.
I'm genuinely interested to know if you've had more success meeting the kind of woman you like after looking at her videos.
I briefly looked at her videos and it seems mostly common sense or nonsense being sold to needy men. "
Ah right
I reckon on the briefest of acquaintances with you that you'll be ok. One day you'll be chatting to a woman and it'll all fall into place |
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"So....i was at a friends birthday do at their house yesterday and met and chatted to a lovely lass but no real signals she was interested in terms of flirtation. Put feelers out via said friend but as anticipated, no interest like that. About the third time this has happened over last couple of months.
I have been single forever and feel really frustrated lately that meeting people seems to be getting progressively harder. I spent my 20s only ever "chatting women up" in clubs with really overt move making and that was fun but nothing ever stuck. It's now really rare I meet someone i actually fancy.
Not too sure what the point of this post is. I guess my question is how do you flirt with someone in a way that isn't instantly trying to sleep with them but will attract them and signal attraction! It seems to be im either putting out highly sexed flirtation or nothing at all.
You are too nice and getting stuck in the friend zone, watch Kezia Noble on YouTube, most of her info is free and she is awesome, talks about sex dating too.
I briefly looked at Kezia Noble.
I'm genuinely interested to know if you've had more success meeting the kind of woman you like after looking at her videos.
I briefly looked at her videos and it seems mostly common sense or nonsense being sold to needy men.
Ah right
I reckon on the briefest of acquaintances with you that you'll be ok. One day you'll be chatting to a woman and it'll all fall into place "
Thanks for the vote of confidence. Unlucky streak gotta end eventually then  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I briefly looked at Kezia Noble.
I'm genuinely interested to know if you've had more success meeting the kind of woman you like after looking at her videos.
That's a terrifying wormhole I had no idea existed. Her videos and the adds that pop up with them are scary
That's enough internet for me today.
Mr
I haven't properly looked but I did se a reference to a 'mastery plan'.
In general I am deeply suspicious of anything like this but as I know nothing about Ms Noble I wondered if she might be different.
I'm going to have a proper look later unless you think it might offend my delicate sensibilities "
Tbf, the bits I saw felt like an attempt to teach someone to human more than anything else. Her exaggerated manner, massive ego and pretentious language probably put me off more than what she was saying. She and the pop up adds made me think "There's this one wierd secret that you doctor doesn't want you to know" 100 years ago she'd have a tray around her neck at the village fair selling snake oil 
Mr |
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"
I briefly looked at Kezia Noble.
I'm genuinely interested to know if you've had more success meeting the kind of woman you like after looking at her videos.
That's a terrifying wormhole I had no idea existed. Her videos and the adds that pop up with them are scary
That's enough internet for me today.
Mr
I haven't properly looked but I did se a reference to a 'mastery plan'.
In general I am deeply suspicious of anything like this but as I know nothing about Ms Noble I wondered if she might be different.
I'm going to have a proper look later unless you think it might offend my delicate sensibilities
Tbf, the bits I saw felt like an attempt to teach someone to human more than anything else. Her exaggerated manner, massive ego and pretentious language probably put me off more than what she was saying. She and the pop up adds made me think "There's this one wierd secret that you doctor doesn't want you to know" 100 years ago she'd have a tray around her neck at the village fair selling snake oil
Mr"
Yeah but what is the one wierd secret? |
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