FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Confidence is slipping !!
Confidence is slipping !!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Since i have been on Fabs, i have put on some weight due to taking Steroids for a syndrome that i never knew existed until i got it ( Sweets syndrome) which is an auto immune problem and leaves me scared because it affects the skin. It's taking it's toll and i having problems facing up to the situation even though i have had this for a few years. Being on Fab's has brought it to ahead, i always want to look my best at all times as you always do. Sex on here has always been great but sometimes i wonder what is said after our meets. I feel that i always have to wear crouchless knickers to give me the confidence to amazing sex with our meets. I have been feeling very low about this and i know Pork will say that i am being stupid as we have a queue to meet us, but it dosn't make me feel in myself any better..... I just want to be me and have the best time time i can With confidence   (Perky) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Since my diagnosis with severe endometriosis my confidence has plummeted. I have scars from 2 ops and its tough. But I take solace in the fact that people still want to meet me. Keep going Perky, we may feel crap but there's still people who want us.
Much love
Ruby Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most people haveinsecurities, not many of us are happy about everything, be it weight, scares, skin conditions etc
if people like you they play with you
i very much doubt people will play with you then take the pee out of you after they have left, if anything about you bothered them that much they wouldnt play with you
Just remember we are our ownworst enemies at times and not everyone will view you as you do yourself and certan things wont stand out as much to others as they do you
i think we always focus on our bad bit and because they stand out so much to use we think they do to others too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just remember we are our ownworst enemies at times and not everyone will view you as you do yourself and certan things wont stand out as much to others as they do"
Pretty much this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most people haveinsecurities, not many of us are happy about everything, be it weight, scares, skin conditions etc
if people like you they play with you
i very much doubt people will play with you then take the pee out of you after they have left, if anything about you bothered them that much they wouldnt play with you
Just remember we are our ownworst enemies at times and not everyone will view you as you do yourself and certan things wont stand out as much to others as they do you
i think we always focus on our bad bit and because they stand out so much to use we think they do to others too"
Pretty much this.
Your personality comes across in the way you post in these forums, I, for one, don't think you have much to worry about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mum has scleraderma which effects the skin so I can kinda understand how its effecting you. She joined a support group so she could talk to others.
Your oh thinks you are beautiful  and so do a lot of others I bet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One of my daughters suffers bad ezema, especially at this time of year, and it can knock her confidence at timed, so I can understand where you are coming from.
We all have bits that we are not happy with, but dont let it spoil your fun. I think the only thing your meets talk about after they have left are, what lovely person you are and how much they enjoyed themselves
Keep your chin up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most people haveinsecurities, not many of us are happy about everything, be it weight, scares, skin conditions etc
if people like you they play with you
i very much doubt people will play with you then take the pee out of you after they have left, if anything about you bothered them that much they wouldnt play with you
Just remember we are our ownworst enemies at times and not everyone will view you as you do yourself and certan things wont stand out as much to others as they do you
i think we always focus on our bad bit and because they stand out so much to use we think they do to others too"
what she said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have self doubts from time to time, thinking I may not live up to the expectations of others.
However, it does not last, as I would remind myself I am what I am, and what I am makes no excuses etc...
Be yourself and sod everyone else I'd say.
 |
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I think most of us have self doubt from time to time.
I have an auto immune illness that caused scaring to my legs, my legs also swell up like tree trunks at times and I'm losing my hair.
My time on FAB is for fun and I don't feel in a "fun" mood at the moment so I'm taking a break from meeting.
I don't need strangers to validate me: I need to feel happy with me and I'm not at the moment. I personally think if we waste time worrying about what others think we're on a hiding to nothing. The only person who can make me feel good about me is me, and at the moment me is not in a good place.
Will be attending the funeral of my best friend tomorrow, I feel his loss more than that of my parents.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think as everyone has said above that everyone has issues sometimes with confidence and being on here probably has the potential to exacerbate that if you are feeling a bit low anyway as you are somewhat "On Display"
L has always had varying weight and worries about it. I always say to her that that she looks great to me (which she does ) and we just keep pictures up to date so if people like what they see they can contact us. Some people like slim people, some people like larger people and some people like people who are between the two. You are never going to change other people's likes or dislikes so why worry. There are plenty of people to go around and plenty who will like the look of you as you are (and more importantly that you will like the look of!) 
Skin trouble. Again so what. You are a normal person and a lot of normal people have skin trouble/eczema/spots/dry skin/scars. I have several scars that I hate from operations when I was a kid when they used to make proper scars! They bother me but what can I do? And they don't change me.
As for people saying something after a meet. I wouldn't worry about it. Firstly I am sure they don't say anything negative and secondly once you have got past the "I like the look of you" from the pictures and have actually chatted/spoken or met, for us anyway, it becomes more about "I like YOU and want to meet/meet again". Neither of us can see that you have or would have any problems in either of those scenarios
Chin up and keep smiling. And try thinking about what others are seeing when they message you saying you look great. They probably mean it |
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"Since i have been on Fabs, i have put on some weight due to taking Steroids for a syndrome that i never knew existed until i got it ( Sweets syndrome) which is an auto immune problem and leaves me scared because it affects the skin. It's taking it's toll and i having problems facing up to the situation even though i have had this for a few years. Being on Fab's has brought it to ahead, i always want to look my best at all times as you always do. Sex on here has always been great but sometimes i wonder what is said after our meets. I feel that i always have to wear crouchless knickers to give me the confidence to amazing sex with our meets. I have been feeling very low about this and i know Pork will say that i am being stupid as we have a queue to meet us, but it dosn't make me feel in myself any better..... I just want to be me and have the best time time i can With confidence (Perky)"
Perky, you sexy little minx, what are you going on about?
I am pleased to appease your fears and inform the readers of this thread that you really don't have anything to worry about or have a lack of confidence about!
I had the good fortune to meet Perky (and her man Pork) for a weekend of fun last month. She'd told me about this Sweets Syndrome prior to the meet, but if she hadn't, I'd have still been looking for the problem today!!!
Perky, you know your a hot sexy lady, with a great sense of humour and a gorgeous body. Believe me, as the "Guest" male in the 3some, then the sight of your fabulous boobs and the slow, well I should say quick removal of your body stocking followed by the fun the 3 of us had should leave you totally reassured that your meets do love what they find and leave thinking only of having more fun in the future.
As for a big lump like me, well you instilled self confidence into me and have done in our regular communications since.
As someone else said, we all have imperfections but you are a pleasure to meet, wonderful to play with and a body and personality that makes any meet fun and enjoyable.
So rest assured folks, I probably have more imperfections on my bum, than the sexy Perky has from Sweets Syndrome.
I wonder if this has had the desired effect and boosted your confidence Perky.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a very serious health scare after I had my youngest son. I was 30 years old and got told that I may not live to see my baby grow up. And if I did the chance of a 'normal' life was very slim. Scary times! Luckily for me and thanks to our wonderful nhs I survived and gradually life returned to normal (ish). However due to the medication I have to take I put on a lot of weight. I went from a size 12 to a 22.
My ex husband and I weren't having sex and I decided to organise a wee night away - champagne, nice meal, sexy underwear etc. long story short he drank to much champagne and couldn't get an erection (something he had struggled with previously). He was embarrassed and turned nasty. He told me it was my fault because I was soo fat and unattractive. He said no man would ever 'fancy' me.
I lay awake all night crying!
When I met John I was soo paranoid that I hid under the covers.
Gradually he built up my confidence again but when we began swinging I didn't think for a minute that anyone would want to play with us / me.
That hasn't been the case and I realise that not everyone will find me attractive because of my size but now I believe that it's their loss
If your OH still fancies you and you have people queuing up to meet you then you go girl 
Much love Lou xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Right then :
I am overweight / fat
I am hairy - all over
I have facial hair which is greying at an alarming rate
I am bald
I wear glasses
I am the wrong side of 40 for many
I am a short ass
I take medication every day for 3 conditions which yes will affect any sexual performance
I have vitiligo which I am paranoid to hell about when meeting new people
So pretty much as a male on here, I've got it all going on ... NOT !
But - here's the main thing
I still have my confidence - some days it is higher than others, but it is there at all times.
You have to find it in yourself - you can find it through the actions and kind words of others, but that is only ever going to be short term.
You have to find it in yourself.
I can tell from the posts that both yourself and Pork post on here that you are luckier than many people could ever wish or hope to be.
Your lives are complex and difficult at times - but guess what, so are everybody elses !
Some choose not to share it or choose only to share the good things, giving us that do share it a somewhat skewed sense of normality when we relate it to our own lives.
As someone else pointed out above, we all have our insecurities - those that say they don't are either delusional or excellent at managing them / covering them up.
It really has got to come from within - if you could just think of yourself in half as much esteem as I know you are held in here, you would be onto a major winner |
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"It really has got to come from within - if you could just think of yourself in half as much esteem as I know you are held in here, you would be onto a major winner "
Mind you Bussy, whatever you do, don't mention darts to Perky today as she managed to fluke 3 wins for her team last night..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i am not perfect and the men i meet arent either.
even the good looking ones have there bad points.
no matter how good looking someone is, there is always someone who looks better.
men who have gorgeous looking partners still cheat on them.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't dismiss that it's November and dark and bleak - it can affect us all.
So so true. Seems like everyone I know is feeling it at the moment "
More so this year than I can remember, tbh.....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't dismiss that it's November and dark and bleak - it can affect us all.
So so true. Seems like everyone I know is feeling it at the moment
More so this year than I can remember, tbh.....
"
Glad it's not just us noticed it then..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think most of us have self doubt from time to time.
I have an auto immune illness that caused scaring to my legs, my legs also swell up like tree trunks at times and I'm losing my hair.
My time on FAB is for fun and I don't feel in a "fun" mood at the moment so I'm taking a break from meeting.
I don't need strangers to validate me: I need to feel happy with me and I'm not at the moment. I personally think if we waste time worrying about what others think we're on a hiding to nothing. The only person who can make me feel good about me is me, and at the moment me is not in a good place.
Will be attending the funeral of my best friend tomorrow, I feel his loss more than that of my parents. "
I'm really sorry for your loss honey and I hope you cope OK tomorrow at the funeral xx |
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