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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Curious, could it be a coping mechanicism.
Years ago I was constantly rejected by my other half, around the same time someone started showing interest in me at work. I tried to play it cool for a long time but one day thought sod it and that temptation led to me taking them up on their offer. It made me feel good that someone still wanted me when I’d constantly been rejected at home. Something I’m not proud of but it helped me at the time and needless to say my relationship ended because I felt that I couldn’t have loved my partner if I found the temptation too much to resist. But it’s got me thinking if I felt rejected again would I do the same thing, is it a way of coping with rejection, to give up and move on.
Not sure that makes sense whatsoever but wondered how others deal with rejection in a relationship x |
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I had same sort of situation, I ended the relationship with my partner and started seeing the person at work after that. I think it's probably a natural thing when you're being rejected and treated badly by the person you're with |
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For many years, I put my head down, lost all self confidence, hated myself, stuck to what I thought were my principles and became very unhappy.
I thought the rejection was because of me, it took a long time to realise that it wasn't but by then it was too late. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For many years, I put my head down, lost all self confidence, hated myself, stuck to what I thought were my principles and became very unhappy.
I thought the rejection was because of me, it took a long time to realise that it wasn't but by then it was too late. X"
I’m slowly building myself up but the thought of a full on relationship ie living together scares me now. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
That makes sense. We all seek external validation at some point in our lives.
Don't let the old you jeopardise what you have and want now. It's ok to be scared, but you know where the fear comes from - most of us don't look at that bit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's forms of rejection in every relationship as we can't fullfill each others needs and expectations 100% of the time. We look for justifications for our actions but ultimately make our own choice to either fight or flight. If you take the flight option then you had already made up your mind you wanted out of the relationship before temptation reared its head. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There's forms of rejection in every relationship as we can't fullfill each others needs and expectations 100% of the time. We look for justifications for our actions but ultimately make our own choice to either fight or flight. If you take the flight option then you had already made up your mind you wanted out of the relationship before temptation reared its head."
I get that completely I’d made my mind up before I strayed. But if there was no rejection then maybe there wouldn’t have been the temptation. |
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"For many years, I put my head down, lost all self confidence, hated myself, stuck to what I thought were my principles and became very unhappy.
I thought the rejection was because of me, it took a long time to realise that it wasn't but by then it was too late. X
I’m slowly building myself up but the thought of a full on relationship ie living together scares me now. "
The truth is that I never thought I would be able to meet anyone who could build me up, make me feel loved and break down my barriers. It did happen though (through fab) and I now live with, and am marrying that beautiful person in September.
Like you, I was scared and thought of so many reasons why things would not work. I constantly looked for red flags and kept second guessing until I convinced myself that there was no one for me. Sex was easy, but been comfortable with someone, sharing and intimacy wasn't.
It took a few years, and in that time I had changed much more than I had realised. The main thing (I think) was that I stopped blaming myself for everything bad that had happened and realised that I was worth more. The Vicar and Fab helped tremendously.
Relationships are not something you can choose to do, but it is something that you can be open to.
If your trust has been abused in the past its hard to trust again but hopefully you will, and ultimately it will be worth it.
V x |
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Sexual rejection is very difficult to deal with especially when one partner is putting in all the effort for little or no acknowledgment. It is completely confidence shattering and soul destroying.
Everyone always assumes it the male being rejected but not always the case and that the rejected partner just wants sex, but sometimes a simple compliment, that smile they once gave too or a cuddle goes a long way in building that confidence back up. Like they say, the last grass isn’t greener on the other side but it will be greener on your side if you water it.
Sadly in todays society with so much stress and pressure with work, money etc there’s too many easier options available, porn, various messaging and sex sites both causal and paid its too easy for people to slip into bad or old habits rather than work on what they may already have leaving so many more vulnerable to rejection. |
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