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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's a funny word respect and I guess we all apply it to different things. In this lifestyle to me it's one of the most important things but I do wonder if it is to others. It's become a pattern that respect is given until you have sex. Then in my experience just basic things like communicating clearly, time keeping and considering feelings seems to change.
Does your attitude or the way you treat people change after having sex? Do you see them differently once that ulimate goal has been reached? Do you treat new meets and regulars with different courtesy?
I'm interested to see both the male and female perspective on this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't see that as respect. If they change after they got sex, they didn't respect the person in the first place. They were just ticking the required boxes until they got a fuck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't see that as respect. If they change after they got sex, they didn't respect the person in the first place. They were just ticking the required boxes until they got a fuck. "
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Is it respect or common decency we expect from people?
I’d like to say my approach to communicating would only change after we have met in so much as it would be eager to go again.
I don’t do bed post notches, fuck and forget or play and walk away meetings, so the concept of losing interest is a bit alien to me.
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"I don't see that as respect. If they change after they got sex, they didn't respect the person in the first place. They were just ticking the required boxes until they got a fuck. "
If you approach a meet thinking 'I'll just get my dick wet', then that's not respect. I'd like to think, I approach a meet, as if we can be friends as well  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't see that as respect. If they change after they got sex, they didn't respect the person in the first place. They were just ticking the required boxes until they got a fuck. "
This is the way I see it too. I wonder if they are just a different person than I thought or their mindset takes a back seat when in their mind 'have you in the bag'. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"I don't see that as respect. If they change after they got sex, they didn't respect the person in the first place. They were just ticking the required boxes until they got a fuck. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is it respect or common decency we expect from people?
I’d like to say my approach to communicating would only change after we have met in so much as it would be eager to go again.
I don’t do bed post notches, fuck and forget or play and walk away meetings, so the concept of losing interest is a bit alien to me.
"
That's a good point, I think we all expect common decency but unfortunately it's not something everyone insists on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't see that as respect. If they change after they got sex, they didn't respect the person in the first place. They were just ticking the required boxes until they got a fuck.
This is the way I see it too. I wonder if they are just a different person than I thought or their mindset takes a back seat when in their mind 'have you in the bag'."
Absolutely agree. Not every time but the majorly, it becomes an expectation now. I can also be distracted by the excitement of someone new too J xx |
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I try to treat everyone similarly whether they're new meets or people we've met before. I don't pretend to want or offer more than I'm able or willing to give. If someone expects more from me they'll be disappointed. Some might see me not living up to their expectations in terms of communication and interaction as disrespectful when the reality is that they've assumed that things will be different.
That said I think we all know that a lot of people will say or do almost anything to get sex with absolutely no intention of following up on it.
"Of course I'll respect you in the morning"  |
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One of the biggest issues I've seen in my time here is the lack of respect and not just in one to one meetings or conversations.
I will respect anyone who reciprocates.
I refuse to respect anyone on reputation alone if my experience of that person is different.
I always take my time getting to know people and building trust and respect and that continues after any sexual encounter unless they decide to abuse it.
I've always said that trust is extremely important on a site like this but many don't seem to grasp that and then wonder why they can't get repeat meets.
If you don't respect yourself you can't expect others to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I try to treat everyone similarly whether they're new meets or people we've met before. I don't pretend to want or offer more than I'm able or willing to give. If someone expects more from me they'll be disappointed. Some might see me not living up to their expectations in terms of communication and interaction as disrespectful when the reality is that they've assumed that things will be different.
That said I think we all know that a lot of people will say or do almost anything to get sex with absolutely no intention of following up on it.
"Of course I'll respect you in the morning" "
Very true, our expectations can sometimes make us see situations differently. I'm also very clear in all meets that's probably why I find it bizzare when I don't get the same clarity from others. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's possible to have a one off encounter that's respectful of those involved "
Absolutely agree, as long as the communication is a two way street. |
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"I think it's possible to have a one off encounter that's respectful of those involved
Absolutely agree, as long as the communication is a two way street."
Communication afterwards? I wouldn't really expect much beyond acknowledgement of enjoyable time perhaps |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's possible to have a one off encounter that's respectful of those involved
Absolutely agree, as long as the communication is a two way street.
Communication afterwards? I wouldn't really expect much beyond acknowledgement of enjoyable time perhaps "
No I mean mutual understanding that's it's a one off. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"One of the biggest issues I've seen in my time here is the lack of respect and not just in one to one meetings or conversations.
I will respect anyone who reciprocates.
I refuse to respect anyone on reputation alone if my experience of that person is different.
I always take my time getting to know people and building trust and respect and that continues after any sexual encounter unless they decide to abuse it.
I've always said that trust is extremely important on a site like this but many don't seem to grasp that and then wonder why they can't get repeat meets.
If you don't respect yourself you can't expect others to. "
Absolutely agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would treat people how they wanted. I think it’s good to understand what you want from this and sex. I mean I am not one for nsa and I would be happy to chat afterwards. Always good having more friends, but if the other party didn’t want it then I would equal respect that and not chase for a reply if that makes sense? |
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"I would treat people how they wanted. I think it’s good to understand what you want from this and sex. I mean I am not one for nsa and I would be happy to chat afterwards. Always good having more friends, but if the other party didn’t want it then I would equal respect that and not chase for a reply if that makes sense? "
Your first line could be interpreted a number of ways though.
Treating people how they want could suggest that takes priority over self respect. |
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"I try to treat everyone similarly whether they're new meets or people we've met before. I don't pretend to want or offer more than I'm able or willing to give. If someone expects more from me they'll be disappointed. Some might see me not living up to their expectations in terms of communication and interaction as disrespectful when the reality is that they've assumed that things will be different.
That said I think we all know that a lot of people will say or do almost anything to get sex with absolutely no intention of following up on it.
"Of course I'll respect you in the morning"
Very true, our expectations can sometimes make us see situations differently. I'm also very clear in all meets that's probably why I find it bizzare when I don't get the same clarity from others."
I find this in life too. It took me years to understand that if someone said "we must meet for a coffee" they often had no intention of doing so  . If I say something like that I mean it or I just don't say it. I carry that in to fab land too |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would treat people how they wanted. I think it’s good to understand what you want from this and sex. I mean I am not one for nsa and I would be happy to chat afterwards. Always good having more friends, but if the other party didn’t want it then I would equal respect that and not chase for a reply if that makes sense? "
Yeah that makes sense, if it's mutual agreement then that's okay. What I'm talking about is changing after having sex. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I try to treat everyone similarly whether they're new meets or people we've met before. I don't pretend to want or offer more than I'm able or willing to give. If someone expects more from me they'll be disappointed. Some might see me not living up to their expectations in terms of communication and interaction as disrespectful when the reality is that they've assumed that things will be different.
That said I think we all know that a lot of people will say or do almost anything to get sex with absolutely no intention of following up on it.
"Of course I'll respect you in the morning"
Very true, our expectations can sometimes make us see situations differently. I'm also very clear in all meets that's probably why I find it bizzare when I don't get the same clarity from others.
I find this in life too. It took me years to understand that if someone said "we must meet for a coffee" they often had no intention of doing so . If I say something like that I mean it or I just don't say it. I carry that in to fab land too"
Completely the same way, why are others so complicated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I personally wouldn’t change after sex. I mean that to me is shallow to change who you are because you get what you want and then leave the woman in the cold . Not my style |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s all about mutual respect where you’re both valued for who your are and what you bring to the bedroom. For me it involves seeing people's unique contributions, recognising and understanding differences, and celebrating passion – but if they’re cunts they can go get fucked elsewhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's been covered pretty succinctly by everyone else already.
But yeah, if it stops after the deed, that was gamesmanship. Not respect.
I'm plenty respectful, if with my own particular brand, but if I feel it's not being reciprocated that's fine. Moving on, smile and nod.
Not here for the numbers, the select few. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's possible to have a one off encounter that's respectful of those involved
Absolutely agree, as long as the communication is a two way street.
Communication afterwards? I wouldn't really expect much beyond acknowledgement of enjoyable time perhaps
No I mean mutual understanding that's it's a one off. "
People can change their mind. I think people are less likely to communicate that they don't want to meet again as they don't want to hurt the person's feelings.
It might just be that they didn't feel chemistry and not the other person's 'fault'. It's easier to go quiet than to explicitly say they don't want to meet again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's possible to have a one off encounter that's respectful of those involved
Absolutely agree, as long as the communication is a two way street.
Communication afterwards? I wouldn't really expect much beyond acknowledgement of enjoyable time perhaps
No I mean mutual understanding that's it's a one off.
People can change their mind. I think people are less likely to communicate that they don't want to meet again as they don't want to hurt the person's feelings.
It might just be that they didn't feel chemistry and not the other person's 'fault'. It's easier to go quiet than to explicitly say they don't want to meet again. "
Sometimes they think they are being kind, others it's just an arsehole move. I respect people a lot more who are straight up because ultimately they would always question what happened and hurt them anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The sex part has no baring on it to me everyone will get a certain level of respect some will get more than others but i dont go out of my way to disrespect hurt or annoy people sometimes i just get lost in my own head bullshit |
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"I don't see that as respect. If they change after they got sex, they didn't respect the person in the first place. They were just ticking the required boxes until they got a fuck. "
Totally agree
Best meets are those sensible and well behaved enough not to do this. It’s immature and unnecessary. Plus I much prefer regular meets anyway so someone with this attitude and I would not be suited. |
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