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There is a spider on my ceiling
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By *harpDressed Man OP Man
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
It caused me to casually wonder what other animal I'd have to try and lob at the celiing in order to shift the shifty shit at least out of my eyeline, while maintaining the natural order of things.
So, I searched for spider predators, and this is the list I got.
Lizards  I don't have any lying around, oddly enough. I guess they'd have a fair chance of gripping on to the celiing though.
Birds It always freaks me out when there's a wild bird in a confined space (oo er Missus), so that's a non-starter.
Tarantula Hawks Well, that's a no based on the name...plus it turns out to be a wasp that would reject my spider on the basis of no being tarantula-y enough
Spider Wasps Unsurprisingly related to the above, just less fussy about their arachnid diet.
Monkeys Something of a sledgehammer / nut solution, insamuch as there may be other issues.
Scorpions FFS, that's a great help. Solve the problem of scary insects with...a scary insect!
Centipedes Finally some sense. I'm off to the pet shop for a centipede. Hopefully they're easily trained. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog... |
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By *harpDressed Man OP Man
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog..."
What fly?
There's a fly???
FFS....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...
What fly?
There's a fly???
FFS.... "
The one the spider caught. Catch up mate   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All you need is a cat
....
Cats eat spiders
First, I didn't say I was desperate.
Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many....  "
Specially trained ninja kitten. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...
What fly?
There's a fly???
FFS....
The one the spider caught. Catch up mate "
You know you talked about an existential crisis yesterday - this is what you meant, isn't it? |
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By *harpDressed Man OP Man
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"Specially trained ninja kitten."
Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...
What fly?
There's a fly???
FFS....
The one the spider caught. Catch up mate
You know you talked about an existential crisis yesterday - this is what you meant, isn't it? "
What existential crisis?  |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"Specially trained ninja kitten.
Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?"
Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...
What fly?
There's a fly???
FFS....
The one the spider caught. Catch up mate
You know you talked about an existential crisis yesterday - this is what you meant, isn't it?
What existential crisis? "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Specially trained ninja kitten.
Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?
Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?"
Well obviously not because they don't have opposable thumbs so how would they put them on and take them off! You didn't think this through did you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...
What fly?
There's a fly???
FFS....
The one the spider caught. Catch up mate
I was thinking that you'd need a bird (I know, how absurd) to eat the spider, buthen you'd need a cat (yes, fancy that) to catch the bird, and now you get the dog, to catch the cat...."
You also need a old lady. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Specially trained ninja kitten.
Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?"
I have a 15 week old Burmese kitten. They come fully trained in the arts of subterfuge, sabotage and cuteness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...
What fly?
There's a fly???
FFS....
The one the spider caught. Catch up mate
I was thinking that you'd need a bird (I know, how absurd) to eat the spider, buthen you'd need a cat (yes, fancy that) to catch the bird, and now you get the dog, to catch the cat....
You also need a old lady. "
Oh, god. |
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"All you need is a cat
....
Cats eat spiders
First, I didn't say I was desperate.
Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many.... "
YouTube has loads...
Including lots of people who attach cat rope apparatus to their ceilngs and walls for fun... Most predominantly was however people who had to cut holes in ceilings to rescue said stuck cats...I'm not sure they were having the same level of fun. The people I mean not the cats. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All you need is a cat
....
Cats eat spiders
First, I didn't say I was desperate.
Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many....
YouTube has loads...
Including lots of people who attach cat rope apparatus to their ceilngs and walls for fun... Most predominantly was however people who had to cut holes in ceilings to rescue said stuck cats...I'm not sure they were having the same level of fun. The people I mean not the cats."
I have a particular penchant for vids of cats and cucumbers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ll send my cat round!!
Could you then send it round here please to train ours because she just looks at them.
Haha mine is a highly skilled assassin! I’ll pack his little suitcase"
Well ours used to be but now she really couldn't care less. |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"Specially trained ninja kitten.
Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?
Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?
Well obviously not because they don't have opposable thumbs so how would they put them on and take them off! You didn't think this through did you? "
They could be slip on. You don't need opposable thumbs to get flip flops on to your feet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Specially trained ninja kitten.
Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?
Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?
Well obviously not because they don't have opposable thumbs so how would they put them on and take them off! You didn't think this through did you?
They could be slip on. You don't need opposable thumbs to get flip flops on to your feet."
I take it back, I think you have thought this through a little too much! |
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By *harpDressed Man OP Man
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"You also need a old lady.
Can I have a (relatively) young one if I promise to train her up in animal husbandry?
Define relatively young? "
Between 25 and 35 would be ideal, with a bit of wiggle room... |
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